If your Reddit username became your official government name, what career would you excel at?
By - Educational-Ebb-1179
Whatever them folk at NASA do.
MoonDoggy sounds like some obscure sex position.
It's like normal doggy, but you land in a crater.
Buy me dinner first.
I'll gladly do so ;)
Winner winner, anal and dinner.
Now to figure out who's bottoming (me, hopefully).
Sure, why not! Hold on, am I gay now?
Probably. I'll pick you up at 7:00?
Sleep in zero gravity, mostly
Edit: I feel like it’s an obligatory amateur tradition to say thank you for my first ever award!
Um........i should be saying uh.............
I can help you..
Could be worse
Yeah ig it could be
Don't worry bro, I'm not getting paid either
guess this question wasn’t made for you…
Once you read my username its already happened
Every single one
So basically the tall dark haired guy with glasses in practically every anime who’s supposedly good at everything.
wearing white shirt and way too long legs for their body. Also the glass glint while adjusting it is too op
Don’t forget the neat white shoes that never get dirty along with great athletic ability despite being built like a twig.
I would..... um, you know.
i don't know.....you sound kinda fishy to me
I shall consume the fish before you can have sexual intercourse with them.
Dude incase you haven't noticed your autocorrect has made the word "after" in your sentence into the word "before"
Thr lord has arrived.
this might I affect the trout population , I think
IVE BEEN WATCHING YOU ASSHOLE. I WILL ALWAYS BE WATCHING
You stay away from my fish tank
69? It takes really really long fishy
Ya same dude
Oh shit... My name WAS fuckaduck
your job would be interesting, you could anticipate what username someine would want, make it before them and then demand ransom for it
And you just scroll Reddit all day and get paid for it. I wonder what mine would be
FBI, missing persons
I think you have been looking for me?
>FBI, missing persons
I managed to find all the files, but.. well the transportation carrying the documents unfortunately went missing sir.
With your username, sounds like you'd be working in the Senate.
Maybe you can help me figure this out.
You might want to investigate me first.
Um, I just shouldn't say
"It's not a meat grinder; it's an orphan stomper."
*I am the Henry Ford of human meat*
you thought I wouldn't notice your username
And you thought I wouldn't notice yours.
There's no shame in feeding your citizens, using all available resources!
You and I are gonna do great things together...
…Can I help?
It's a goverment *name*, you don't have to work for them!
Astro paranormal dark arts.
Where do you want me?
*You know the rules, and so do I*
*Never gonna lift you up*
*Never gonna melt you down*
*Never gonna run around and exercise*
*Always gonna make you cry*
*Never gonna say goodbye*
*Always gonna tell a lie and hurt you*
Hello fellow worker
It's my time to shine
^(you want an ounce?)
Nice try mr fbi
Good attempt at obscurity department of homeland security.
No way cia
Lol thats great
Haven't heard of the milfs in your area for a while, have you?
Thank you for your service , good boi!
your bonking has reformed many horny people thank you for the service, good boi
We found the horny police. And they are very good boys.
Thank you doggo
mad scientist specializing in genetic engineering
Mad scientist you say
"everybody's a mad scientist, and life is their lab."
-- david cronenberg
I'd like to get in on this
I feel like we’d be colleagues
Can I join the lab?
That is actually amazing
Haven't tardigrades already flown by being shot out of a gun and launched into space?
This is why we don’t let 16 year olds create Reddit accounts because two years later they’re stuck with a dumb name. Anyways I’ve turned into a moth and am off to the satanic temple
What do you mean don't let 16 year olds create accounts, my name is great.
Dude, you know you can have, like, several Reddit accounts?
For instance, this isn’t even my main one.
I think I'm some kind of programming or code debugging. Perhaps we can team up?
uh... shit posting?
Wow. I could not imagine what form it actually is. Solid or liquid?
Liquid, but with an acerbic sense of humor.
You're not the only one...
I mean if you're both in different countries... We could have a war on our hands over here guys
Oh gosh *your* username
You're ~~a tree~~ phytoplankton lmfao
Ye half of reddit would rather see your job
By day god war, by night porn
Pardon me are you Aaron Burr, sir?
That depends, who's asking?
Oh, well, sure, sir
I am Alexander Hamilton, I am at your service, sir. I have been looking for you
I'm getting nervous...
Sir, I heard your name at Princeton. I was seeking an accelerated course of study when I got sort of out of sorts with a buddy of your. I may have punched him. Its a blur sir. He handles the financials?
You punched the bursar?
I wanted ro do what you did, geaduate in two, then join the revolution. He looked at me like I was stupid, ai am not stupid. So how'd you do it? How'd you graduate so fast?
It was my parents dying wish before they passed.
That name is spectacular.
"What are you gonna do, shoot me?"
That is one of the best usernames I have ever seen
Glad I'm so fast, can't catch me
I'm hitching a ride with you!
Oh man, all those people who joke about birds being surveillance drones would love me.
You might want to look into a career in bird law.
I AM THE LAW!
I know what wrestling is, it’s not something kids do with their uncle
seriously, what do you do for a living?
So you will draw hentai lol
AmoungUsDildoSex henti for ppl w/ those kind of fedishes
I‘d probably work at mcdonalds or something
*c r u n c h*
are you watching u/Fish_Fucker69?
oh... oh no....
I would haunt peeps.
Intergalactic love making
I’m an in.ter.national. **superspyyyyyy**
UwU I wana commit soowicide •w• can wuu hewp me? *E N D M Y S U F F E R I N G*
Some Steve Irwin type shit......... or porn. Yea probably porn.
Either a tradie or a prostitute
Predicting turbulence perhaps?
Is the a better word for this?
Bomb Squad Leader
"OH SHIT *boom*"
-my friend in cod
I'm unlikely, at this point, to get my job at the datacenter back, since they went out of business and all the servers got moved to other places... and I'm just as unlikely to look for another job in that field. I dunno. I'm stuck with this, I guess.
Wind Waker Piracy Cases
Not really a funny twist.
Eating everything til the appearance of man.
I’d be the Deadpool of Yoga gurus.
I'm the one dude with an obviously fake name that lives outside of the US and manipulates unsuspecting old ladies into giving me thousands of dollars.
I ... really don't know
Eating Ravioli and cooking it with a blow torch.
So I become a bomber? Sounds like some assassination crap for the CIA. Cool name, though.
Getting the attention of the FDA
I would be the head of legislative priorities.
Buddy its okay we can do this together... In secret....
Writing the letter u after a random letter.
And chanting as a side hustle
The circus I guess. Burn me twice a night, I take a day off to heal, and then we do it all over again!
An office job
Local Waste Management
I wonder what u/fish_fucker69 would be
I'd make sure all of our top agents get sent to work for a different country.
I apparently have a long and fulfilling career at the State Department ahead of me.
Wire trapping phones, I suppose.
killing hope of the poor and middle class people.
Probably something involving weird owl behavior for the Forestry Service?
Destroying my enemies.
You're okay i can place you in my dreamworld ;)
i would work at zoo / be a zoologist
Business in an upside down building.
People would just think I'm foreign and that my title was accidentally not translated.
I'm just throwing baked goods out of the window at the public like Oprah "YOU get a bread roll, YOU get a bread roll" etc