T O P

If your Reddit username became your official government name, what career would you excel at?

If your Reddit username became your official government name, what career would you excel at?

Sir_MoonDoggy

Whatever them folk at NASA do.


FalselyAcquited

MoonDoggy sounds like some obscure sex position.


chaywong

It's like normal doggy, but you land in a crater.


I_Poke_Polar_Bears

Anal?


chaywong

Buy me dinner first.


DonaldDuckITH

I'll gladly do so ;)


chaywong

Winner winner, anal and dinner.


DonaldDuckITH

Now to figure out who's bottoming (me, hopefully).


chaywong

Sure, why not! Hold on, am I gay now?


DonaldDuckITH

Probably. I'll pick you up at 7:00?


1giantsleep4mankind

Sleep in zero gravity, mostly


No-Career-2134

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Edit: I feel like it’s an obligatory amateur tradition to say thank you for my first ever award!


PoorMan6969

Um........i should be saying uh.............


boyrich620

I can help you..


DonaldChimp

Could be worse


Any-Throat-2645

Yeah ig it could be


UnpaidNewscast

Don't worry bro, I'm not getting paid either


[deleted]

[удалено]


mstrss9

Librarian?


moonmoch

guess this question wasn’t made for you…


jonitfcfan

F


Puger_el_Luger

damn


_ShrugDealer_

🤷‍♂️


Iputsomethininurbutt

Once you read my username its already happened


ichubbz483

Unemployment


trustmeimaprofession

Every single one


lostinorion

So basically the tall dark haired guy with glasses in practically every anime who’s supposedly good at everything.


redditor_pro

wearing white shirt and way too long legs for their body. Also the glass glint while adjusting it is too op


Lin_a04

Don’t forget the neat white shoes that never get dirty along with great athletic ability despite being built like a twig.


Fish_Fucker69

I would..... um, you know.


definitely_not_fish_

Please no


upsawkward

i don't know.....you sound kinda fishy to me


DracoRen

Fishy baka


god_of_fessis

Getoutofmyhead


TuxidoPenguin

I shall consume the fish before you can have sexual intercourse with them.


DizzyCoyote6564

Dude incase you haven't noticed your autocorrect has made the word "after" in your sentence into the word "before"


Bird_with_penis

Thr lord has arrived.


BearCoreXP

this might I affect the trout population , I think


WatcherOfFishFuckers

IVE BEEN WATCHING YOU ASSHOLE. I WILL ALWAYS BE WATCHING


FlosNoctem

You stay away from my fish tank


PamCokeyMonster

69? It takes really really long fishy


JudgeHodorMD

Troy McClure?


darkwolf6230

u/profanitycounter


introspectivepotado

Ya same dude


introspectivepotado

Oh shit... My name WAS fuckaduck


Ronthebusdriver

Welp


UsernameTaken017

damn


redditor_pro

your job would be interesting, you could anticipate what username someine would want, make it before them and then demand ransom for it


Timestatic

And you just scroll Reddit all day and get paid for it. I wonder what mine would be


L00KlNG4U

FBI, missing persons


thelostone0589

I think you have been looking for me? >FBI, missing persons


PoppyLove2007

Hahahahahaah


dearlordifkdup

I managed to find all the files, but.. well the transportation carrying the documents unfortunately went missing sir.


Blanded_Gear

With your username, sounds like you'd be working in the Senate.


but_WHOS_JOHN_MUIR

Maybe you can help me figure this out.


i-lurk-you-longtime

You might want to investigate me first.


Babymeatgrinder

Um, I just shouldn't say


DarkStarStorm

"It's not a meat grinder; it's an orphan stomper."


cock_andballsman

*I am the Henry Ford of human meat*


JacktheTurkey1

you thought I wouldn't notice your username


cock_andballsman

And you thought I wouldn't notice yours.


SecludedBlue

Caaaaaaaaaaaaarllllllll!


Calamity_Wayne

There's no shame in feeding your citizens, using all available resources!


CoIIateralDamage

Well.......


a-government-agent

You and I are gonna do great things together...


dearlordifkdup

…Can I help?


throwawayofthe1862

It's a goverment *name*, you don't have to work for them!


AlienGhostWizard

Astro paranormal dark arts.


phaedrusTHEghost

Where do you want me?


tadxb

*You know the rules, and so do I*


imanAholebutimfunny

*Never gonna lift you up* *Never gonna melt you down* *Never gonna run around and exercise* *Always gonna make you cry* *Never gonna say goodbye* *Always gonna tell a lie and hurt you*


JvrassicWizvrd

Hello fellow worker


Dr-WalterWhite

It's my time to shine


Educational-Ebb-1179

🙆‍♂️


Dr-WalterWhite

^(you want an ounce?)


Educational-Ebb-1179

Nice try mr fbi


LTJGIriquoisPliskin

Good attempt at obscurity department of homeland security.


woolenmaestro

No way cia


whistlindieselfan420

Lol thats great


TheThotSlayerDoggo

Haven't heard of the milfs in your area for a while, have you?


Brummelhummel

Thank you for your service , good boi!


redditor_pro

your bonking has reformed many horny people thank you for the service, good boi


Grapes-RotMG

We found the horny police. And they are very good boys.


Dr_Azil-1846

Thank you doggo


aSleepingTurtle

Good lad


WhenTardigradesFly

mad scientist specializing in genetic engineering


mad_scientist434

Mad scientist you say


WhenTardigradesFly

"everybody's a mad scientist, and life is their lab." -- david cronenberg


UnstableBiologist

I'd like to get in on this


UnexpectedGeneticist

I feel like we’d be colleagues


BrainPhD

Can I join the lab?


Inevitable_Cover_880

That is actually amazing


masaaav

Haven't tardigrades already flown by being shot out of a gun and launched into space?


SatanicMothGirl

This is why we don’t let 16 year olds create Reddit accounts because two years later they’re stuck with a dumb name. Anyways I’ve turned into a moth and am off to the satanic temple


IPissedInYourCereals

What do you mean don't let 16 year olds create accounts, my name is great.


NotMyMainName96

Dude, you know you can have, like, several Reddit accounts? For instance, this isn’t even my main one.


-HumanoidX-

Dunno, AI?


nonono_notagain

I think I'm some kind of programming or code debugging. Perhaps we can team up?


dry_diarrhea

uh... shit posting?


[deleted]

[удалено]


shudnaz

Wow. I could not imagine what form it actually is. Solid or liquid?


Belzeturtle

Liquid, but with an acerbic sense of humor.


nnusterisgod

W


[deleted]

[удалено]


BeanosTheGod

You're not the only one...


mediocreporno

I mean if you're both in different countries... We could have a war on our hands over here guys


UpOxygen

Oh gosh *your* username


ruperbro789

You're ~~a tree~~ phytoplankton lmfao


[deleted]

Ye half of reddit would rather see your job


jonny1211

By day god war, by night porn


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rattraa

Pardon me are you Aaron Burr, sir?


Maraudogs

That depends, who's asking?


OkWedding6391

Oh, well, sure, sir


aquakuala

I am Alexander Hamilton, I am at your service, sir. I have been looking for you


Calamity_Wayne

I'm getting nervous...


aquakuala

Sir, I heard your name at Princeton. I was seeking an accelerated course of study when I got sort of out of sorts with a buddy of your. I may have punched him. Its a blur sir. He handles the financials?


Calamity_Wayne

You punched the bursar?


aquakuala

Yes! I wanted ro do what you did, geaduate in two, then join the revolution. He looked at me like I was stupid, ai am not stupid. So how'd you do it? How'd you graduate so fast?


Calamity_Wayne

It was my parents dying wish before they passed.


merme

That name is spectacular.


Calamity_Wayne

"What are you gonna do, shoot me?"


OkayOpenTheGame

That is one of the best usernames I have ever seen


Cunt_Crusher666

Uhh…


speedcunt

Glad I'm so fast, can't catch me


cuntes

I'm hitching a ride with you!


Cleverbird

Oh man, all those people who joke about birds being surveillance drones would love me.


Canadian_Neckbeard

You might want to look into a career in bird law.


Cleverbird

I AM THE LAW!


bridoogle

I know what wrestling is, it’s not something kids do with their uncle


Barnabas_Stinson17

Please


kaancalmthefuckdown

seriously, what do you do for a living?


AmoungUsDildoSex

ಠ_ಠ


Ignis_1

So you will draw hentai lol


AmoungUsDildoSex

AmoungUsDildoSex henti for ppl w/ those kind of fedishes


[deleted]

Pokemons .


friedratskull

I‘d probably work at mcdonalds or something


WatcherOfFishFuckers

*c r u n c h*


everytingoodwastaken

are you watching u/Fish_Fucker69?


Yeeting_Person

Yeeting....people?


Based_YEET_boi

Same bruh


soulfisting

Catholic priest


addick-t

oh... oh no....


spicyghostusa

I would haunt peeps.


jzz208

Pornstar maybe


ALIENANAL

Intergalactic love making


sneakysneaks_

I’m an in.ter.national. **superspyyyyyy**


[deleted]

[удалено]


WatcherOfFishFuckers

UwU I wana commit soowicide •w• can wuu hewp me? *E N D M Y S U F F E R I N G*


ImDefinitelyClueless

Definitely politics


The_Vampire_Barlow

Phlebotomist.


I_Poke_Polar_Bears

Some Steve Irwin type shit......... or porn. Yea probably porn.


Physical_Outside_219

Either a tradie or a prostitute


FormerlyTurbyturbed

Predicting turbulence perhaps? Is the a better word for this?


Educational-Ebb-1179

Turbulencesir


s-e-m-t-e-x

Bomb Squad Leader


WatcherOfFishFuckers

"OH SHIT *boom*" -my friend in cod


FalselyAcquited

Criminal Lawyer.


LordOfMyDomains

I'm unlikely, at this point, to get my job at the datacenter back, since they went out of business and all the servers got moved to other places... and I'm just as unlikely to look for another job in that field. I dunno. I'm stuck with this, I guess.


Pajama-Link

Wind Waker Piracy Cases


Bird_with_penis

;)


AIresponsible

Artificial Intelligence. Not really a funny twist.


RaptorDoingWhatICan

Eating everything til the appearance of man.


VulgarVinyasa

I’d be the Deadpool of Yoga gurus.


Vossko

I'm the one dude with an obviously fake name that lives outside of the US and manipulates unsuspecting old ladies into giving me thousands of dollars.


020jhj

I ... really don't know


elbandzioro

Being deported


I89cansofravioli

Eating Ravioli and cooking it with a blow torch.


ATallFuckingGerman

Male escort?


The_Blue_Bomber

So I become a bomber? Sounds like some assassination crap for the CIA. Cool name, though.


CorrosiveYolk

Getting the attention of the FDA


Nearly_Pointless

I would be the head of legislative priorities.


PrinceHardwood

Well…


Annoymous-loser

Jesus christ…


anonymous037104

Buddy its okay we can do this together... In secret....


lulububudu

Writing the letter u after a random letter.


Educational-Ebb-1179

And chanting as a side hustle


manboobsonfire

The circus I guess. Burn me twice a night, I take a day off to heal, and then we do it all over again!


StaedtlerHighlighter

An office job


SeattleTrashPanda

Local Waste Management


Ok-Yellow-5546

I wonder what u/fish_fucker69 would be


Cubsfan630

I'd make sure all of our top agents get sent to work for a different country.


stormhoopa

intergalactic basketball


APeacefulWarrior

I apparently have a long and fulfilling career at the State Department ahead of me.


bananaphone92

Wire trapping phones, I suppose.


deathofanoptimist

killing hope of the poor and middle class people.


Abberant_Owl

Probably something involving weird owl behavior for the Forestry Service?


AskMeAbout_SMER

SMER


morebologna

oscar meyer


rUSSianattac

Destroying my enemies.


ARandomNPC01

Well sh*t...


Dreamy-Cats

You're okay i can place you in my dreamworld ;)


Modlich303

i would work at zoo / be a zoologist


KardbORdboKs_

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


Business_Kangaroo243

Business in an upside down building.


zyygh

People would just think I'm foreign and that my title was accidentally not translated.


Sweaty_Prince_Andrew

Royalty


dukeofbun

I'm just throwing baked goods out of the window at the public like Oprah "YOU get a bread roll, YOU get a bread roll" etc