Perhaps i am v e r y c l o s e t o y o u
Considering how close my phone is to me, you could say it's accurate.
*perhaps even c l o s e r*
I am you
It is time to summon the bois, conquer the world and make it an arachnoid blazing hell
and I shall wreck bases in clash of clans
You tell me
Your fingers have pours that secrete a substance both similar in form and smell as shit to deture predators
Show me an owl, I'll captain it
I like how you could’ve turned into a bitchin winged superhero, and you were like ‘nah, I’d rather give tiny hats, ranks, and positions of command to owls’
I know what you did
*Your asshole is tingling*
I spit my tea out at that.
tea you got from me lol
Can we be the tea twins?
The Tea Trio??
☆The Reddit Tea Society☆
Asshole as in jerk, or as in the literal hole?
Why not both
I saw this boat in half
And repair it with the super power of *Flex Tape* ™
But in TES IV: Oblivion
I'm a hell of a Greeter.
Lol in Scotland that would mean ' I am a hell of a cryer'
That's what I read this as
The Sardine Summoner. 1,500 to be exact
Once you summon 1,500 sardines you die. The sardines are your life force and should only be summoned in an emergency. You cannot die as long as you have some sardines left. Your sardines cannot be replenished.
I like how they only summon sardines in an emergency. I'm just trying to figure out what emergency calls for sardines.
But they can't die so long as they have sardines stored, so they can't starve to death.
What about his loved ones tho?
We’re on Reddit, you gotta lower your expectations
I'm gonna write a story out of that
Best plot ever
Summat fishy going on here.
Making people have an awkward conversation with their SO in bed
I like it cold
WHAT THE HECK
I didn't order that, I ordered an Xbox card
*user name checks out*
Pizza, Pizza for everyone!
Solving world hunger, one pizza at a time!
I was hoping you were bringing the jelly
The hero we need, but don’t deserve
I'm a spooky turtle
Are you *my* spooky turtle?
Can someone with money please give this man a wholesome award?
whoa now it’s a superpower?
Oh, how sad
I am either constantly uncomfortable or my opponents are.
This is amzing
Not if you're fighting OP.
Those kids never stood a chance
*Officer, I dropkicked that child in self-defense*
Blood for the blood god
Dude these kids are getting *DESTROYED*
This is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans
In many parts of the UK 'toss' is a synonyms with wank. So a tosser is a wanker, or tossing it off would be like jerking it.
Which makes this even worse....
hahaha am in the UK and thought this. Oh man, we have sick minds.
A dirty mind is a joy forever, isn't it?
It certainly is in my case as this is my dirtypenpals writing account!
Littlekidlover.. so they know exactly where my priorities are at
I am a bear
You're both a bear and a regular person named Matt. You can turn into a bear when you are threatened or angry or it's full moon
He's a were-bear?
They always ask "were bear?" But they never ask "how bear?"
So kinda like a Norse berserker then.
A Norse bearserker!
*sigh* what did you break this time?
Man, your powers scare me
I would ask why you chose this username, but then again, suit buddies!
So I'm the next Jojo
Oh boy a new season
I have my stand ready what the name of the chapter going to be
JoJos Bizarre Adventures as President of the US
I was told you can help me find some "material"
"So what is your reddit username?"
"Let's do it at the same time"
"Alright 1 2 3..."
“Did we just become best friends?!”
You are a hero.
Skyrim dragon with down syndrome…. That’s an interesting picture
So basically you’re C4
Do you have mouths on your hands?
*happy Deidara noises*
“True art is an explosion!”
I love your username
It's my favourite character's catchphrase
The first fight between everyone and Deidara was one of my favorite moments in Shippuden ngl
He's just an amazing character, I love all of his scenes so much
DEIDARA SENPAI YOURE SO COOL
You're my arch enemy.
We meet again
Your just not tightened in properly
Is it my throat or your throat?
I rip peoples dicks off and replace it with whatever a deliener is
\*slowly backs away\*
I figured you take liens off of weiners
No man can kill you, only a woman will.
I am now an anthropomorphic asian rabbit
I'm sure that is a kink, pretty sure you can sell that
A glance at their account makes me pretty sure they do, or easily can
Legosi: *Goes to your room to do PP training*
I'm not really sure, but it's not going to be pleasant
INFINITE SCRAMBLED EGGS
Same, except I can do that for free.
Guess im dead
Or you just turn into a spirit at will with nature/mountain powers.
I guess give 76 blue Pineapples?
Can I have one?
Sure you can!
Does that make you bluepineapple75?
It could mean he always has 76 blue pineapples at hand. Storing said pineapples could be cause for concern though
Hmmmmm… I guess everyone that sees me thinks I’m suspicious and avoids me. Any better suggestions?
Giving people cancer?
You now can cause an instantaneous nuclear fusion
In Romanian I apparently have the power of tits. Kinda op as a guy if you ask me.
"I have the power of guys and tits on my side"
Uhhhhhhh? You tell me…
Okay, so I guess I can control millions of small robots to either heal allies or take down enemies, so I guess I’m just a really smart guy?
Yeah, it kinda is in a way. Lol
Fuck I thought that was permaban me spreddit
I’m a foul mouthed yoga master.
I am a mighty chicken wing that can produce weed and chicken within seconds.
Or, hear me out, weed infused chicken wings.
Wings in a THC infused spicy maple sauce
420 seconds or 7 minutes, to be precise.
The power to slay angels
You kill innocent people when they are called angels
Forever a kid
Forever a kid, but it's the sequel
Whats now my super power?
Thats not a super power, i already do that
but now your kids are so genetically messed up that they joined the x-men
And he has 3478 kids too
Bringing families closer together with the power of love.
the best power anyone can have
I am the night sky? I control the night sky?
You make the sky glowy and that’s it
You are Ethereal and Unknowable
I... Don't even fucking know
My power is not giving a fuck.
Ummm, you tell me?
You have a notable abundance of hair on your arms and legs
Summon the devil, but you are a furry while he's summoned
I can swim in a ships bilge from one side of the ship to another instantaneously.
im a diffrent breed of species than human and there is 666 of me
Or you can create 666 different breeds upon demand
Ig I’m a pigeon
Everything I do is just barely good enough.
I’m going to confuse the shit out of people.
Edit: holy fucking shit this blew up
You are him
You're not just some guy though, you're THAT guy! :)
I guess I can shoot artillery rounds from my hands; or I bang 13 years old twice. I prefer the first one.
Me too, I also prefer the first one.
When I click my fingers, all bagels within a 100 mile radius stack in front of me in a safe and orderly fashion.
I can ask if people can run Crysis
Nothing at all... Nothing at all... Nothing at all