T O P

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pr0xximity_999

Perhaps i am v e r y c l o s e t o y o u


pitekargos6

Considering how close my phone is to me, you could say it's accurate.


pr0xximity_999

*perhaps even c l o s e r*


Skoo_Dah

I am you


tarantulaonfire

It is time to summon the bois, conquer the world and make it an arachnoid blazing hell


Basewrecker

and I shall wreck bases in clash of clans


DaTiddySucka

You monster...


poopoo_fingers

You tell me


Ok_Pear_8291

Your fingers have pours that secrete a substance both similar in form and smell as shit to deture predators


Captain_Owl

Show me an owl, I'll captain it


cephalosaurus

I like how you could’ve turned into a bitchin winged superhero, and you were like ‘nah, I’d rather give tiny hats, ranks, and positions of command to owls’


IMakeItPop

*salutes* hooty-hoo


PsychicAsshole

I know what you did


upsize_popiah

*Your asshole is tingling*


Paradox711

I spit my tea out at that.


keepthekettleon

tea you got from me lol


CuppaYT

Can we be the tea twins?


TeaTsunamiEd

... Triplets?!


CuppaYT

The Tea Trio??


LegalJunkie_LJ

☆The Reddit Tea Society☆


ironicallytrue

Asshole as in jerk, or as in the literal hole?


amit8910

Why not both


philip-the-swift

I saw this boat in half


abigscaryhobo

And repair it with the super power of *Flex Tape* ™


CrayonMuncher123

But in TES IV: Oblivion


justinheyhi

I'm a hell of a Greeter.


pax681

Lol in Scotland that would mean ' I am a hell of a cryer'


87KingSquirrel

That's what I read this as


1500sardines

The Sardine Summoner. 1,500 to be exact


frogbutbucket

Once you summon 1,500 sardines you die. The sardines are your life force and should only be summoned in an emergency. You cannot die as long as you have some sardines left. Your sardines cannot be replenished.


Blasted-Banana

I like how they only summon sardines in an emergency. I'm just trying to figure out what emergency calls for sardines.


sirfetche

Starvation


peachesgp

But they can't die so long as they have sardines stored, so they can't starve to death.


sirfetche

What about his loved ones tho?


Dominator0211

We’re on Reddit, you gotta lower your expectations


PugzPlayzGamez_YT

I'm gonna write a story out of that


going-up3

Please do


insert_acc_name_here

Best plot ever


87KingSquirrel

Summat fishy going on here.


MY_NUTZ_ARE_COLD

Making people have an awkward conversation with their SO in bed


dead_road_fox_fucker

I like it cold


BENJ0P

WHAT THE HECK


JerpJerps

I didn't order that, I ordered an Xbox card


XaviJon_

*user name checks out*


I_Bring_You_Pizza

Pizza, Pizza for everyone!


Jellyman87

Solving world hunger, one pizza at a time!


BadCat115

I was hoping you were bringing the jelly


thebigkneegrow

The hero we need, but don’t deserve


ghosttortol

I'm a spooky turtle


OwnsATurtle

Are you *my* spooky turtle?


nagitoe_

Can someone with money please give this man a wholesome award?


Luno_TheAbyss

I gotchu


Sad_Homosepien

whoa now it’s a superpower?


Alabama_boy3478

Sadnes


I_H4VE_NO_FR1END5

YUP


going-up3

Oh, how sad


themoistsocks

I am either constantly uncomfortable or my opponents are.


Fit-Horse-9138

This is amzing


elee0228

Not if you're fighting OP.


ToddlerToss

Those kids never stood a chance


Thebenmix11

*Officer, I dropkicked that child in self-defense*


ArsonCoffee

Blood for the blood god


longcx724

Dude these kids are getting *DESTROYED*


aeronacht

This is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans


kal9001

In many parts of the UK 'toss' is a synonyms with wank. So a tosser is a wanker, or tossing it off would be like jerking it. Which makes this even worse....


dpp_cd

hahaha am in the UK and thought this. Oh man, we have sick minds.


Gidje123

A dirty mind is a joy forever, isn't it?


dpp_cd

It certainly is in my case as this is my dirtypenpals writing account!


Electrical_Touch8987

Littlekidlover.. so they know exactly where my priorities are at


LittleKidzLover

You called?


Bear_Matt

I am a bear


ruimtekaars

You're both a bear and a regular person named Matt. You can turn into a bear when you are threatened or angry or it's full moon


TheLoneWolf2879

He's a were-bear?


Acrobatic_Ad_8868

They always ask "were bear?" But they never ask "how bear?"


boggsy17

So kinda like a Norse berserker then.


spejlaeg

A Norse bearserker!


ubreakitifixit

*sigh* what did you break this time?


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Hentai_dealer_69

...


APieceOf3dTrash

Man, your powers scare me


Hentai_dealer_69

They should


TipsyBuns

I would ask why you chose this username, but then again, suit buddies!


Joestar_47

So I'm the next Jojo


going-up3

Oh boy a new season


Joestar_47

I have my stand ready what the name of the chapter going to be


EPIC_Deer

JoJos Bizarre Adventures as President of the US


MasterNinjaFlip

I was told you can help me find some "material"


Dinosaur_hentai


Sumit316

"So what is your reddit username?" "You first" "no you" "Let's do it at the same time" "Alright 1 2 3..." "Hentai_dealer_69" "Dinosaur_hentai" "Brooooooo"


calabaza-head

“Did we just become best friends?!” “Yup!”


TheoTiMa

You are a hero.


Downsyndromedovah

Uuummmmm.


Jane_Wolf

Skyrim dragon with down syndrome…. That’s an interesting picture


Art-is-an-Explosion

Explosive clay


K3VINbo

Claymore


Lukeh69

clever


aisle_nine

So basically you’re C4


LVbyDcreed72

Do you have mouths on your hands?


Kugelwubler

*happy Deidara noises*


OneRandomVictory

“True art is an explosion!”


Eyeglasses216

KATSU


Bipplet

I love your username


Art-is-an-Explosion

It's my favourite character's catchphrase


Bipplet

The first fight between everyone and Deidara was one of my favorite moments in Shippuden ngl


Art-is-an-Explosion

He's just an amazing character, I love all of his scenes so much


Blazeburner7

DEIDARA SENPAI YOURE SO COOL


floppy256

huh


Hardy1987

You're my arch enemy.


floppy256

We meet again


Velvet_Thunder13

Nowkith


Ok_Pear_8291

Your just not tightened in properly


Vocal_Breaker

Is it my throat or your throat?


Weinerdeleiner

I rip peoples dicks off and replace it with whatever a deliener is


_CalculatedMistake_

*hides Weiner*


esthebinkles

\*slowly backs away\*


chaosgoblyn

I figured you take liens off of weiners


darkdaemon000

No man can kill you, only a woman will.


azn_bunniegrl

I am now an anthropomorphic asian rabbit


bulletpyton

I'm sure that is a kink, pretty sure you can sell that


A_Fellow_Weeb

A glance at their account makes me pretty sure they do, or easily can


Gear_Monster

Legosi: *Goes to your room to do PP training*


Scaphism_in_a_bottle

I'm not really sure, but it's not going to be pleasant


Egglord-1

INFINITE SCRAMBLED EGGS


Egg_Lord_F2P

Same, except I can do that for free.


MountainSpiritQ

Guess im dead


Bunnnnii

Or you just turn into a spirit at will with nature/mountain powers.


[deleted]

I guess give 76 blue Pineapples?


Wadiationking23

Can I have one?


[deleted]

Sure you can!


doxtorwhom

Does that make you bluepineapple75?


Ma77yP123

It could mean he always has 76 blue pineapples at hand. Storing said pineapples could be cause for concern though


Suspisious_Hooman

Hmmmmm… I guess everyone that sees me thinks I’m suspicious and avoids me. Any better suggestions?


1986Chernobyl1995

Giving people cancer?


DragonSword026

You now can cause an instantaneous nuclear fusion


sani610

In Romanian I apparently have the power of tits. Kinda op as a guy if you ask me.


KillMeOwO69

"I have the power of guys and tits on my side"


nan0_techn0

Uhhhhhhh? You tell me…


No_Froyo2280

Microtech


nan0_techn0

Okay, so I guess I can control millions of small robots to either heal allies or take down enemies, so I guess I’m just a really smart guy?


APieceOf3dTrash

Nanomancer: Remastered


[deleted]

Yeah, it kinda is in a way. Lol


Djmaxamus

Fuck I thought that was permaban me spreddit


cuntrummager

\>_<


Thederpycloudrider

Oh no


JollyCrapBasket

*oh yes*


VulgarVinyasa

I’m a foul mouthed yoga master.


Mightychickenwing420

I am a mighty chicken wing that can produce weed and chicken within seconds.


Shawnsonreddit

Or, hear me out, weed infused chicken wings.


Vinlandien

Wings in a THC infused spicy maple sauce


Sabrinarock

420 seconds or 7 minutes, to be precise.


Angel_Slayer014

The power to slay angels


Ok_Pear_8291

You kill innocent people when they are called angels


Angel_Slayer014

Sounds great


6yearsold2

Forever a kid


DragonSword026

Forever a kid, but it's the sequel


Alabama_boy3478

Whats now my super power?


SteamPunkDong

inbreeding


Alabama_boy3478

Thats not a super power, i already do that


SteamPunkDong

but now your kids are so genetically messed up that they joined the x-men


ModNinja100

And he has 3478 kids too


WombatInferno

Bringing families closer together with the power of love.


ama_31415

the best power anyone can have


EtherealNightSky

I am the night sky? I control the night sky?


Ok_Pear_8291

You make the sky glowy and that’s it


mad_fishmonger

You are Ethereal and Unknowable


Evil_Creamsicle

I... Don't even fucking know


Thederpycloudrider

Evil popsicle!


normalsizedlebowski

My power is not giving a fuck.


i-never-existed-777

Well, fuck.


luciefurrr

Ummm, you tell me?


Ok_Pear_8291

You have a notable abundance of hair on your arms and legs


EsfoNL

Summon the devil, but you are a furry while he's summoned


dashidasher

dashy


bilgediver

I can swim in a ships bilge from one side of the ship to another instantaneously.


cringegame123

Super cringe


diffbreed666

im a diffrent breed of species than human and there is 666 of me


ruimtekaars

Or you can create 666 different breeds upon demand


knobtremor

Heheheheheheheheheheheheh. Sniff. Tihi


DyslexicDarryl

Oh siht


pigeon_one1

Ig I’m a pigeon


I_Am_Cha_Bu_Duo

Everything I do is just barely good enough.


Paradox711

I’m going to confuse the shit out of people.


That_guy________

I....AM....some guy.... Edit: holy fucking shit this blew up


Ok_Pear_8291

You are him


Shawnsonreddit

You're not just some guy though, you're THAT guy! :)


the13bangbang

I guess I can shoot artillery rounds from my hands; or I bang 13 years old twice. I prefer the first one.


Sabrinarock

Me too, I also prefer the first one.


msveedubbin

_..Autobots...unite?_


BagelCluster

When I click my fingers, all bagels within a 100 mile radius stack in front of me in a safe and orderly fashion.


CanIrunCrysis

I can ask if people can run Crysis


stewpid_sxy_flanders

Nothing at all... Nothing at all... Nothing at all


_CumGuzzlingWhore_

Welp.