Congratulations! You are now employed by the Galactic Empire and now work on the Death Star. What is your job?
By - GhostfromTexas
Guardrail installer. I’m going on break…
Don't care... First thing I do is fix that fucking hole!
Bro. We tried but Darth Vader said he wanted it there
Well to hell with that guy. What's he going to do, choke slam me thru a screen?...
... what's that?
He will?... Well shit.
I find your lack of faith, disturbing.
“That there is a speed hole.”
Knew a guy who used to put "speed holes" in his front fenders with a claw hammer...
Just put some plywood over it nobody would notice
“Here’s an idea guys… hear me out….Why don’t we just put a big stretchy net trampoline over it?”
*Luke fires and the proton torpedo balls just bounce out like pinballs.*
\*Death star reactor melts down b/c of the exhaust piling up\*
A net trampoline wouldn’t stop gases from being vented.
*\*Proceeds to ricochet and hit Luke's X-Wing\**
Death Star wouldn’t function without it though so you’re putting everyone out of a job
This is a non union organization, so they can deal with it damnit!
yeah but vent grating is a thing
Ouuu good idea
Like seriously, we know vent grating exists in starwars. why couldn't they put some over the hole? it would filter debris and missiles out quite well.
Probably the janitor lol
Cleaning the toilets is not quite the path to the "dark side" you were hoping for I bet...
More like the brown side.
you will know the real nightmare caused by the stormtroopers aim
Same bro, same.
Have fun cleaning 800,000 toilets.
I’d be the guy that moves along when the guard says “Move along”.
*I’m the inspector of the Galactical Safety and Health administration and the base is safety hazard. All these deep shafts with no safety percussions, literally no railings anywehre!*
Safety percussions you say. I think worrying about safety on the death star is a little off beat.
Hey how about you look farther down there I'm definitely not gonna shove you.
I press the button that opens the door for everybody to make it look it's automatic. Every door has an operator. We watch from a remote location on CCTV.
Is your name Matt?
Probably one of the IT guys. Imagine the digital infrastructure needed to run that thing.
Catering in the Death Star Canteen. I've always wanted to meet Jeff Vader
I'll have the pasta ala arrabiata.
I love you both for those references, bought some wonderful memories back. Gonna go rewatch miss izzard. Thanks.
This is what I came here for :-D
Haha beat me to it!
Video editor for Galactic empire propaganda.
All I can pictures is Toby Flenderson holding that big file of complaints against Michael that’s just a portion of the year, except it’s for Vader.
Cafeteria manager. “ sir. You’ll need a tray.”
“ do you think I can’t kill you without a tray? I suppose I could hit you with the thin bit..”
“No. The food is hot. You’ll need a tray.”
“Oh. The food is hot..?”
I work at the Death Star Cantina.
You'll need a tray
Assistant Maintenance Technician of Small Thermal Exhaust Ports.
Assistant TO the Maintenance Technician
I perform maintenance as needed on Palpatine's spinny chair. Most important job on the station.
Ah so your the new head maintenance worker I heard the previous guy went hard on the deathsticks a month after the promotion so good luck.
Data technician, i.e. the pedant who reminds the landing bay comm tech that older codes do in fact check out.
Nuclear engineer. Plenty of reactors onboard.
Power door technician. Make them open to about forehead height if the door is forced.
Someone has to handle all the paperwork and notify the next of kin for the poor imperial bastards who get killed by the emperor's personal bodyguard. Lots of workplace violence claims against that one. Keeps me busy though, plenty of job security.
Head of military tactics and training. If some freakin’ farmer kid, a wookie, a pilot, 2 droids and an old man can just waltz in and out with only ONE of them dying while tons of our storm troopers die in the blink of an eye, we need new management, and fast!
Oh jeez…I’m in insurance…
I'm either the janitor or cannon fodder.
I just want the job closest to an escape pod.
Armour Building. Those Stormtroopers deserve better.
I’m a behavior analyst IRL so I’m sure I’d get hired on as a consult on either how to manage performance of their troopers or help with propaganda campaigns
A Greeter for the Walmart they just opened! Part time at one of the Starbucks too 😃 I'm great with names
Logistics: getting stuff from storage to where it needs to be.
Janitor robot repairman.
Clerk in a store
Credit to whoever made that oh so many years ago
I carry Darth Vader's cape tail so that it doesn't drag on the floor.
“You! sit there and look threatening. We don’t have enough resources to train you so here’s a gun. Figure it out”
FIRE THE BIG FRICKIN GUN
Probably a therapist. Or quartermaster.
I've worked here 7 years and I still don't know
Long haul shuttle pilot... so I won't be there when the rebels attack.
Tie-fighter cleaner. That way when everything explodes I can just get on escape
Spying on the light side, while being a spy for the light side
Im the guy that installed that exhaust port on the death star one and installs the shaft palpatine gets thrown down
Im getting fired
Maintenance on Vader’s chair
matt the radar technician
Serve cafeteria food
It’s be the droid everyone is looking for.
Improving the Stormtrooper training system.
Escape pod maintenance.
I dont give a shit, whatever gets me away from my baby mama's bullshit.
I clean the vent
I'm just a guard I just stand there and do effectively nothing
Putting together construction estimates and project management.
Trash compactor operator.
They’d probably start me out working in the trenches. Sounds boring, but probably a pretty low risk job.
I will be the guy who rushes in the clean up after darth Vader chokes someone to death
Already heavy infantry... so probably still heavy infantry.
I'm the one who lifts every stormtroopers helmet when they enter to make sure there's no rebels.
Carpenter fixing the damn hole with a bunch of plywood
Managing the sceptic tanks
Cook in the mess hall
TIE deployment coordinator. kill me now.
There's a podcast called "plumbing the death star" that I would point you towards
Im self employed.
I am the Pied Piper of Mouse Droids. They're tired of getting yelled at by beings taller than the average human and need to listen to a relaxing cyberflute melody.
Fire at Yavin first. Then destroy the 4th moon.
Putting up railings.
A radar technician. My name isn't Matt, but I'll give it my all.
Gift Shop manager.
Pilot in the Imperial Navy. Unless I can’t make the cut, then I’m probably the architect for their computer systems.
Probably a storm trooper that can shoot for shit let’s be honest.
I run the fucking canteen.
I am the strategic closer and opener of the exhaust port
What I do now, chef.
I'd be a janitor who knows a lot more than he's supposed to, but I won't say anything because all I want is to get paid
Still working in IT I guess. The office space probably wouldn’t look much different.
Garbage compactor monster.
Probably the same boring analytical stuff I do now just in a fancy space station.
Calculating where to point the laser.
My background is in publication so probably press releases?
“We apologize for the recent destruction of Alderan, but assure you it was a totally justified attack on insidious rebel forces. We can all sleep safer knowing this violent menace has been eliminated.”
I get to fire the death star :D
Probably a guard for somewhere on there.
I voice in corporate holocron recordings to train new employees.
I work at the escape pods.
The inposter 😎😎😎😎
Well since I'm a Aircraft mechanic guess I'm fixing spacecrafts.
I'm the Star-Deather.
Janitor. Gotta clean before [He] comes for a mission.
getting the fuck out of there because the rebels or the resistance or some shit will just come back and blow it up and i ain’t dying fo shit
Logistik, I take in the goods and bring all the goods in the reg wirh my flying forklift.
feed prisoners to the garbage monster...
"Closing your lightsaber is NOT the same as shutting it down.."
getting the fuck out of there
HVAC guy who is always on his break, but it’s ok the union’s got my back
Long term VIP transport Pilot
Foreman of the crew in charge of putting grates over the thermal exhaust ports. Thanks to rebel interdiction our flight to the station got delayed. I'm sure they'll be fine at Yavin without us.
"now you see Lord vader, it is against company policy to choke slam employees"
Get to help Vader unpack his abandonment issues I guess...
janitor. they are needed and have an easy job
Wait? Which death star?
Cleaning the floor
IMA FIRIN MAH LAYZOR BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I control the trash compactor
The person who does the paper work regarding who Vader’s general is. He kills them weekly so I’m always working 😂
I'm just that one person that is good at their job but all the big guys take the credit for my work.
Gnk droid supervisor
I'll start with checking scopes and sights on all weapons. There is work to be done there.
Maybe an tie fighter pilot
Press da button
Kill the emperor, appoint Darth Vader as the new emperor
scrubbing the toilets
mini droid wrangler. sometimes their lil battery dies before they get back to the charging station, i locate them via tracker and get them all charged up on on their way. i also handle small repairs, im not very experienced in droids but thats why id start with the smaller ones to get some good OJT.
for the droids that are in tight spaces i have a team of 3 ferrets, Mike, Ike, and Dot.. to assist in the recovery.
Install the god dam barrier, near the laser beam
Probably kill Darth Vader and become the next darth vader.
To make sure all the floors in the Death Star are level so nobody has any high ground over Lord Vader whatsoever
I’d be the guy on both that some how survived and on both I’ll yell the first one why’s everyone running did Vader get angr- aww shit
Then the second why is Vader without his 🤨🤢🤮 now it’s in my mask
sith apprentice hehehhe
hand out mangeo
Intergalactic Crypto murders and acquisitions.
Blaster technician, I make sure the aim is slightly off for the stormtroopers to keep things interesting.
Janitor, someone gotta keep those floors nice and shiny
Storm Trooper, who has terrible aim.