T O P

Congratulations! You are now employed by the Galactic Empire and now work on the Death Star. What is your job?

Congratulations! You are now employed by the Galactic Empire and now work on the Death Star. What is your job?

DLR817

Guardrail installer. I’m going on break…


Emu_on_the_Loose

Starbucks barista.


froopynooples

Same


r48811

Don't care... First thing I do is fix that fucking hole!


watermelonseed0

Bro. We tried but Darth Vader said he wanted it there


r48811

Well to hell with that guy. What's he going to do, choke slam me thru a screen?... ... what's that? He will?... Well shit.


West_Character_8363

I find your lack of faith, disturbing.


Khaldara

“That there is a speed hole.”


XXPapaZombieXX

Knew a guy who used to put "speed holes" in his front fenders with a claw hammer...


Specialist-Cable2613

Just put some plywood over it nobody would notice


UnknownQTY

“Here’s an idea guys… hear me out….Why don’t we just put a big stretchy net trampoline over it?” Months later: *Luke fires and the proton torpedo balls just bounce out like pinballs.*


Gitetat

\*Death star reactor melts down b/c of the exhaust piling up\*


UnknownQTY

A net trampoline wouldn’t stop gases from being vented.


templarbrick

*\*Proceeds to ricochet and hit Luke's X-Wing\**


TheOriginalDoober

Death Star wouldn’t function without it though so you’re putting everyone out of a job


r48811

This is a non union organization, so they can deal with it damnit!


ARC-2908763

yeah but vent grating is a thing


TheOriginalDoober

Ouuu good idea


ARC-2908763

Like seriously, we know vent grating exists in starwars. why couldn't they put some over the hole? it would filter debris and missiles out quite well.


aftrthehangovr

Facts


Robotman300

Probably the janitor lol


GhostfromTexas

Cleaning the toilets is not quite the path to the "dark side" you were hoping for I bet...


steamedfarts

More like the brown side.


KingAntonino

you will know the real nightmare caused by the stormtroopers aim


Briraz10

Same bro, same.


flyingsaucerinvasion

Have fun cleaning 800,000 toilets.


damnedspot

I’d be the guy that moves along when the guard says “Move along”.


aftrthehangovr

Lol


Mott777-1

*I’m the inspector of the Galactical Safety and Health administration and the base is safety hazard. All these deep shafts with no safety percussions, literally no railings anywehre!*


JHFTWDURG

Safety percussions you say. I think worrying about safety on the death star is a little off beat.


the_chosen_named_one

Hey how about you look farther down there I'm definitely not gonna shove you.


7437ru744ur75

I press the button that opens the door for everybody to make it look it's automatic. Every door has an operator. We watch from a remote location on CCTV.


Damseldoll

Radar technician.


tabbyabby2020

Is your name Matt?


Obamas_Tie

Probably one of the IT guys. Imagine the digital infrastructure needed to run that thing.


DavosLostFingers

Catering in the Death Star Canteen. I've always wanted to meet Jeff Vader


JHFTWDURG

I'll have the pasta ala arrabiata.


alan2998

I love you both for those references, bought some wonderful memories back. Gonna go rewatch miss izzard. Thanks.


FREDICVSMAXIMVS

This is what I came here for :-D


meldariun

Haha beat me to it!


BuckarooOJ

Video editor for Galactic empire propaganda.


drkesi88

HR. *shudders*


cant-sit-here

All I can pictures is Toby Flenderson holding that big file of complaints against Michael that’s just a portion of the year, except it’s for Vader.


mregg000

Cafeteria manager. “ sir. You’ll need a tray.” “ do you think I can’t kill you without a tray? I suppose I could hit you with the thin bit..” “No. The food is hot. You’ll need a tray.” “Oh. The food is hot..?”


HappyLittleKlingon

I work at the Death Star Cantina.


AudioError_

You'll need a tray


JaiC

Assistant Maintenance Technician of Small Thermal Exhaust Ports.


Homework_Successful

Assistant TO the Maintenance Technician


Chipj11

I perform maintenance as needed on Palpatine's spinny chair. Most important job on the station.


the_chosen_named_one

Ah so your the new head maintenance worker I heard the previous guy went hard on the deathsticks a month after the promotion so good luck.


Ok_Barnacle2628

Forklift operator


Doofutchie

Data technician, i.e. the pedant who reminds the landing bay comm tech that older codes do in fact check out.


RL_Lennie_Small

Nuclear engineer. Plenty of reactors onboard.


wkarraker

Power door technician. Make them open to about forehead height if the door is forced.


mourningdoo

Space Lawyer! Someone has to handle all the paperwork and notify the next of kin for the poor imperial bastards who get killed by the emperor's personal bodyguard. Lots of workplace violence claims against that one. Keeps me busy though, plenty of job security.


[deleted]

Head of military tactics and training. If some freakin’ farmer kid, a wookie, a pilot, 2 droids and an old man can just waltz in and out with only ONE of them dying while tons of our storm troopers die in the blink of an eye, we need new management, and fast!


betterthanamaster

Oh jeez…I’m in insurance…


the_chosen_named_one

I'm either the janitor or cannon fodder.


flyingsaucerinvasion

I just want the job closest to an escape pod.


LNERGordon

Armour Building. Those Stormtroopers deserve better.


Ev3nstarr

I’m a behavior analyst IRL so I’m sure I’d get hired on as a consult on either how to manage performance of their troopers or help with propaganda campaigns


tundrabuddies

A Greeter for the Walmart they just opened! Part time at one of the Starbucks too 😃 I'm great with names


Murgatroyd314

Logistics: getting stuff from storage to where it needs to be.


Urbanviking1

Janitor robot repairman.


Mexcello

https://youtu.be/o-Qiha-1GsY Clerk in a store Credit to whoever made that oh so many years ago


Reflection_Rip

I carry Darth Vader's cape tail so that it doesn't drag on the floor.


Roing1fire-678

Shuttle pilot


Ghost_of_a_koifish

“You! sit there and look threatening. We don’t have enough resources to train you so here’s a gun. Figure it out”


A_person_exe

FIRE THE BIG FRICKIN GUN


Pvt_Polonsky

Probably a therapist. Or quartermaster.


tundrabuddies

A Greeter for the Walmart they just opened! Part time at one of the Starbucks too 😃 I'm great with names


zachtheperson

I've worked here 7 years and I still don't know


draivaden

Floor sweeper.


Beautiful_Taro9481

Janitor


DrAgon_yeet

Hype man


PinocchioWasFramed

Long haul shuttle pilot... so I won't be there when the rebels attack.


Booklover510

Tie-fighter cleaner. That way when everything explodes I can just get on escape


Mooncaketimeline698

Spying on the light side, while being a spy for the light side


wetlettuce42

Im the guy that installed that exhaust port on the death star one and installs the shaft palpatine gets thrown down Im getting fired


HeartAttackMemeGuy

Maintenance on Vader’s chair


Creative-Cry2979

Sensitivity trainer


Juliana_cui

matt the radar technician


Doctor_Dogger

Serve cafeteria food


No_Discount_17878

cannon fodder


aftrthehangovr

It’s be the droid everyone is looking for.


tired_of_old_memes

Piano teacher


FALLOUT0130

Improving the Stormtrooper training system.


Saavryn

Escape pod maintenance.


plague681

I dont give a shit, whatever gets me away from my baby mama's bullshit.


WovenBun

I clean the vent


TheTattooOnR2D2sFace

I'm just a guard I just stand there and do effectively nothing


HeartachetoHouston

Putting together construction estimates and project management.


htownlifer

Trash compactor operator.


Seriously_Dangerous1

Gunner.


FredGruntbuggly

They’d probably start me out working in the trenches. Sounds boring, but probably a pretty low risk job.


sirvonhugendong

I will be the guy who rushes in the clean up after darth Vader chokes someone to death


imac132

Already heavy infantry... so probably still heavy infantry.


its_The_Bag

I'm the one who lifts every stormtroopers helmet when they enter to make sure there's no rebels.


normalsizedlebowski

Carpenter fixing the damn hole with a bunch of plywood


lithuBABEian

Managing the sceptic tanks


NextParsnip6828

Cook in the mess hall


ARC-2908763

TIE deployment coordinator. kill me now.


AgreeablePie

There's a podcast called "plumbing the death star" that I would point you towards


ViolinVoyage

Im self employed.


Thernos

I am the Pied Piper of Mouse Droids. They're tired of getting yelled at by beings taller than the average human and need to listen to a relaxing cyberflute melody.


mrgoodnight2

Weatherman


Mega_Dragonzord

Fire at Yavin first. Then destroy the 4th moon.


Fawful_n_WW

Putting up railings.


SageFire_Fan

A radar technician. My name isn't Matt, but I'll give it my all.


intransit47

Gift Shop manager.


apocalysque

Pilot in the Imperial Navy. Unless I can’t make the cut, then I’m probably the architect for their computer systems.


KingAntonino

cooker


RickJamesBlTCH

Probably a storm trooper that can shoot for shit let’s be honest.


pepperonipizza911

Janitorial services


Brocade3302

I run the fucking canteen.


NewRomanian

I am the strategic closer and opener of the exhaust port


getyourcheftogether

What I do now, chef.


Puro_Guapo

I'd be a janitor who knows a lot more than he's supposed to, but I won't say anything because all I want is to get paid


YellowTinCan

Bathroom installer


Zolo49

Still working in IT I guess. The office space probably wouldn’t look much different.


-Ddraig-

Garbage compactor monster.


getupliser

Probably the same boring analytical stuff I do now just in a fancy space station.


SultanOfSwave

Outgassing detector.


markymark0123

Calculating where to point the laser.


Rhodehouse93

My background is in publication so probably press releases? “We apologize for the recent destruction of Alderan, but assure you it was a totally justified attack on insidious rebel forces. We can all sleep safer knowing this violent menace has been eliminated.”


Gitetat

BUTTON PRESSER. I get to fire the death star :D


MojojojoX2000

Probably a guard for somewhere on there.


stinky_cheese33

I voice in corporate holocron recordings to train new employees.


templarbrick

I work at the escape pods.


MantleRealDeal

The inposter 😎😎😎😎


sonicz3r0

Well since I'm a Aircraft mechanic guess I'm fixing spacecrafts.


MagicForestComics

I'm the Star-Deather.


Chaotic-No0b

Janitor. Gotta clean before [He] comes for a mission.


Robruv06

getting the fuck out of there because the rebels or the resistance or some shit will just come back and blow it up and i ain’t dying fo shit


baronrotlicht

Logistik, I take in the goods and bring all the goods in the reg wirh my flying forklift.


Spectreworld

feed prisoners to the garbage monster...


How_Im_Feeling

Shipment


foureyes0-0

Sith helpdesk. "Closing your lightsaber is NOT the same as shutting it down.."


IfImNotDeadImSueing

getting the fuck out of there


CaptianStabbin

HVAC guy who is always on his break, but it’s ok the union’s got my back


RDT64

Long term VIP transport Pilot


CaptainPrower

Foreman of the crew in charge of putting grates over the thermal exhaust ports. Thanks to rebel interdiction our flight to the station got delayed. I'm sure they'll be fine at Yavin without us.


FarPension2

Human resources. "now you see Lord vader, it is against company policy to choke slam employees"


kiwi_imposter

Psychologist. Get to help Vader unpack his abandonment issues I guess...


pk1950

janitor. they are needed and have an easy job


The_Hidden_01

Wait? Which death star?


will9million

Sextrooper


Nice_Swordfish_69420

Cleaning the floor


OneMillionDandelions

Diversity/Outreach Coordinator


SCP-10000

IMA FIRIN MAH LAYZOR BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


supbiatches1

I control the trash compactor


Bekkah225

The person who does the paper work regarding who Vader’s general is. He kills them weekly so I’m always working 😂


MistyShadowWolf

I'm just that one person that is good at their job but all the big guys take the credit for my work.


_JustAMiner

Gnk droid supervisor


Hofnerfender

I'll start with checking scopes and sights on all weapons. There is work to be done there.


Salty-004

Maybe an tie fighter pilot


OdinTheBogan

Press da button


Yeetusimboredus

stormtrooper guard. or janitor.


Canesgame4life

Kill the emperor, appoint Darth Vader as the new emperor


uwuttaja

scrubbing the toilets


buckut

mini droid wrangler. sometimes their lil battery dies before they get back to the charging station, i locate them via tracker and get them all charged up on on their way. i also handle small repairs, im not very experienced in droids but thats why id start with the smaller ones to get some good OJT. for the droids that are in tight spaces i have a team of 3 ferrets, Mike, Ike, and Dot.. to assist in the recovery.


Riteouspie

Install the god dam barrier, near the laser beam


LughCoeus1

Scientific logistics.


YYEEETDACHILD

Probably kill Darth Vader and become the next darth vader.


Imanirrelevantmeme

To make sure all the floors in the Death Star are level so nobody has any high ground over Lord Vader whatsoever


Sorry_Investigator17

I’d be the guy on both that some how survived and on both I’ll yell the first one why’s everyone running did Vader get angr- aww shit Then the second why is Vader without his 🤨🤢🤮 now it’s in my mask


mramericalol

sith apprentice hehehhe


Clear133

hand out mangeo


Dabombfan

HR guy.


bobbydville

Intergalactic Crypto murders and acquisitions.


AvocadoToast_13

Blaster technician, I make sure the aim is slightly off for the stormtroopers to keep things interesting.


Adventurous_Grape149

Janitor, someone gotta keep those floors nice and shiny


IncrediblyYoung

Storm Trooper, who has terrible aim.


DUBIOUS_OBLIVION

That's redundant