T O P

You’ve been kidnapped and the last person you saw on television is the person that saves you. Who is it?

You’ve been kidnapped and the last person you saw on television is the person that saves you. Who is it?

NOTAWombatOrAFox

Gordon Ramsey


Toxopid

He would spook the kidnapper by calling them raw.


drissy_48

He will fuck the kidnapper raw


Snoo74401

"Your asshole is so raw it's making beef tartare look well done!"


Cowama

What the-


The_Cactus_Eagle

sending this to someone randomly


TheLighningMiner

yo what the fuck


WonderfulBlackberry9

In other words, he’ll roar at them


BonScoppinger

You call that a fucking kidnapping, you donkey?! That is a fucking disgrace!


robocop_z

I read that in his exasperated slow voice 😂


d_a_vi_d

Wow, Walter White!! These kidnappers are in for a nice surprise then


Neopolitan5

Mine's Saul Goodman so I'm feeling pretty good too.


redditpandapizza

You are not in danger,you are the danger.


LordOfTheCats64

Ashoka Tano, I'm pretty safe


whatismynamepls

Imagine being tasked with kidnapping a target and you get them to a drop-off. You’re guarding the target, and you hear a noise Is that a fu- It’s cut short by the sort of digital-metallic noise you’d expect from a sci-fi movie. The singular lightbulb in the room shatters. You hear another noise, but this one sounds more like a thud. AAUEGGH! You see a guard get slammed against the wall by something invisible, and then quiet. Just, nothing. You hear the same metallic noise that claimed one of your cohorts. You turn around and see what looks like a... no... it can’t be... A lightsaber. A fucking lightsaber. You see a second one ignite and realize how fucked you really are. You feel the heat for a split second on your neck, like laying down in the sun, only magnified 1000x, before your head slides off your body.


The_GopnikCZ

Sounds lovely to watch. Honestly, Ahsoka along with the likes of Superman, Lucifer, Rick Sanchez etc. is one of the biggest overkills here, though still considerably weaker than the ones I named (spoiler for Lucifer, >!who became God, so he's the biggest overkill here by an infinite margin!<).


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AndrewZabar

Omg pretty safe is an understatement. She gonna feed them their own asses!


Prefontaine1844

Bro i got anakin


The_GopnikCZ

Is he pre or post ROTS? Because that changes a lot.


Ethan-J-T

Peter griffin so I’m pretty much fucked


[deleted]

he’s gonna do a wacky cutaway or something and end up killing you


Ethan-J-T

Peter: This is just as bad as the time I tried to save that kid


Singer_TwentyNine

Reminds me of the time i was sus.


CrypticSlays

Well no cuz the post says the last person you saw saves you so it's a save no matter what maybe you walk out with a broken leg and a black eye and theres like 82 planes that crashed all around you killing thousands, but you get saved


legendarymcc2

Ok he gets out of house then he puts u/Ethan-J-T in the peterang and Ethan fucking dies


denyjunctionfunction

Not if you are kidnapped by a giant cock


420FatBoy

You either die or end up in the hospital for the rest of your life, either way it’s ending badly


CR1SPY_B4C0N

Mordecai and Rigby


Odd_Baseball175

A bunch of baby ducks, send em to the moon


tieneselpenepequeno

Soda machine that doesn't work, send em to moon


another_nonymous

Ooooooooooooo


-Blixx-

The Doctor. I’m feeling pretty confident.


AndrewZabar

Get ready for a big speech though.


SarnakhWrites

Twelve is coming to save me. Attack eyebrows engaged!


Domino_Dare-Doll

Ten for me: floof the hair for maximum power!


ChangeZealousideal86

Best answer


II_Confused

I wouldn't. People tend to die around The Doctor. Like a lot. Seriously. Remember when The Doctor said "Just this once, everybody lives!"? He wasn't kidding. Non-regular cast members have about the life expectancy of a mayfly. Even the regular companions have a rough time of it. Since the show's revival most of the long term companions have had an unpleasant end to their story.


blue4029

literally everytime he goes on a one-off adventure during an episode that ISNT multiple parts long, atleast 1 character dies. usually the character he gets the closest to.


Gyrgir

Even in Classic Doctor Who, something like a third of the companions either died or got left behind in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.


ObscureCulturalMeme

Roughly a quarter of **the universe** dissolves during 4th Doctor's final story. As the heroes are watching. Nobody comments on it.


BadgerSituation

I've got Troy and Abed as Doctor Spacetime and Constable Reggie.


Not_Cleaver

He’s coming for me too. Mine is the 10th though.


-Blixx-

We are working through a full rewatch. It was on when I made the comment. Episode was “The Day of the Doctor”. Does that mean I get 3 Doctors since they are technically the same person? Still confident.


i_iz_i

>Does that mean I get 3 Doctors No, all 13!


TorGR23

Sebastian Vettel I think.


DustySaloon5

He'd do a good job of it and make sure you're ok afterwards I'm sure. I think the last person I saw may have been Toto Wolff.....probably ok until he finds out I'm a Max fan and then god help me


TorGR23

Depends which Seb saves me, he might spin the getaway car.


DustySaloon5

Lmao you are right, pray for today's!


another_nonymous

Better getaway driver than Timo Glock so there's a win


palndrumm

Lewis for me. Normally I'd feel quite #blessed but I'm worried he'll be a bit distracted at the moment...


Substantial-North499

Welp, looks like we were both saved by seb lol


Own-Neighborhood1033

Sterling Archer


El_Dief

Your name's not Brett, is it?


Own-Neighborhood1033

Nope unless Brett is a 30 year old woman from England


dongholio

You can never tell these days. I once met a gal named Dave. Was impolite to ask how she got her name, but I did verify that it was her legal name (was checking IDs at an event).


AndrewZabar

Yeah baby. Mine’s Bob and Louise Belcher. But I was thinking if HJB could morph into Archer, then I thought eh, Archer doesn’t really care about too many people other than himself.


Camp_Express

According to the show Archer was able to run the restaurant, meaning that Archer possesses Bob’s skills. Therefore Bob should possess Archer’s skills. That still only makes your odds like 40/60 but if Louise is there then that may bump you up to 50/50


InsanePurple

I feel like it’s easier to cross train a spy to make burgers than the other way around. But I’m not an expert.


Liamcb2002

Chloe Decker and Lucifer


Definitely-Nobody

Ooh that reminds me I’ve gotta watch the new season!


WeirdDudeWithoutAJob

Wait it's out?????


Definitely-Nobody

Think it came out a little over a week ago! BINGE BABY BINGE


give_em_hell_kid

I'm only 3 episodes in and it's really good so far!


ipdar

Does netflix count?


AyKuruma

Buffy Summers. I'm I pretty good hands.


Abogada77

5x5!


thedudeisalwayshere

Bo Burnham.


kcarnett

Buddy, you found it Now come out with your hands up We've got you surrounded


Unspeakblycrass

That special was incredible!


Imanirrelevantmeme

Me too lol. Inside is funny as fuck. Not as good as What and Make Happy but for what he had, great!


kevnmartin

Shrek.


MotorwaveMedia

Some days I hope Shrek rescues me just to turn my asshole into his personal swamp


Maggaggie

I hate how vivid this is


Legitimate-Care7435

Wtf?


SuperSayainPurple23

I wasn't expecting that turn not gona lie


hapymelz

jake peralta cool cool cool cool cool


sassafrass005

Noice.


a-fat-penguin

Toit.


Destroyer0820

Arnold scwarsnegger aka terminator


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PlanDakota

“Get to tha choppa! Hurry!”


a-fat-penguin

Arnold starwarsnegger


CylonsInAPolicebox

Mulder and Scully. Too late, I've been abducted by aliens that is actually the United States government.


ZachLennie

Also usually the first 2-3 people who get into trouble in an episode die and they only get things sorted out later on.


talibob

Michael Westen. I think I’ll be ok.


Browncoatinabox

He used to be a spy you know


talibob

You know spies. A bunch of bitchy little girls.


Flynn_lives

hey, is that your mom again?


AndrewZabar

Until he got burned.


Browncoatinabox

Now he helps normal people


StormzysMum

Sean Bean, yeah he could do that.


another_nonymous

He might die saving you though


StormzysMum

I don't want that to happen, shit I better try and save myself in that case.


Clydeanimal

I would not expect Kate McKinnon from SNL to save me


NoHandBananaNo

SNL here too, feeling pretty doomed expecting Tim Meadows to save me.


TimeTraveler3056

The guy on the Hot Ones hot wings show.


nightcrawler616

He'll research your entire life and your kidnapper's entire operation and free you with his knowledge. Edit: And weapons grade hot sauces


Ninor123

John Wick. I guess I can sit comfortably and wait for the blood shed to ensue


Admirable_Yam5051

Don't you have to die first


Jezza_K

He’s not a dog


Admirable_Yam5051

You don't know that Give me proof Prooooof


shreksinator

Mando


Lanfear_Is_Me

Tony Soprano


purple-paper-punch

I think you win


Penhades

I don't know on this one... he never had the makings of a varsity athlete.


another_nonymous

Phoebe from friends. Ugh


LifeOnAGanttChart

Derek from The Good Place. I'm screwed but it'll be funny


sprk3d

Sir David Attenborough, he'll talk to kidnappers in calm soothing voice to let me go.


NitroJ7

The Derry Girls gang


BlackWidow1414

They'll fuck around and distract your captor so you can sneak out. You're good.


possumpussie

Oh god you might be doomed


Alert_Investigator28

Homer Simpson don't you DARE abandon me for donut!


CylonsInAPolicebox

Sorry he got distracted by Duff Beer


AndrewZabar

Mmmmmmmmmm Beeeeeeeeeer


BjornBeetleBorg

Fucken hell. gilly from game of thrones. that moron is going to die before I do


Layatto

You think you have it bad? I got S1 Sansa fucking Stark


Graczyk

Gordon Ramsey


k75ct

Sean Connery. I'm saved


Ok-Lemon-2213

Fuck... just watchet a program about some archaeologist digging up some bones in pompeii.. i wish someone finds me before that..


Storage-Terrible

You’re doomed but your story will live on.


allhailqueenspinoodi

Lucille Bluth. As long as she likes me more than GOB I'm good


Not_Cleaver

I’m sure she’ll get Gene Parmesan to find you.


VehementOpposition

Bob obenkirk on Nobody


El_Dief

As long as he doesn't try telling you his back story...


Locamotive19

Cast of Its Always Sunny. Yup im dead


unrulystowawaydotcom

No hesitation! No surrender! No man left behind!


CthuhlusPriest

What about the Trash Man?


[deleted]

Yeah, mine is specifically Dennis. He's not gonna give one shit that I'm kidnapped. He might even want to take or give some pointers to the kidnappers.


maleedus

Phil Dunphy. Pretty sure he can save me.


Stupidpopupreddit

Yup, him and Luke for me. It'll be a fun rescue.


[deleted]

See if he can bring Gloria along as extra security. That woman would not fuck around.


AdamtheFirstSinner

Frank Castle. I'll definitely be ok, I'm not worried


BlackWidow1414

I'm currently rewatching "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier", so I'm pretty confident I'll be fine with Bucky and Sam coming to rescue me.


Ultimatedeathfart

Tina Belcher Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


Ashbashbosh

Donald Sutherland


LederhosenSituation

Lucifer Morningstar. I like my odds.


Storage-Terrible

Unless you’re Mr. Saidoutbitch and then your situation probably just got worse.


[deleted]

Rick Sanchez fuck yeah I'm gonna live


WillyTheHatefulGoat

Rick is just as likely to kill everyone on a Planet than to save you. Remember that time he tried to fix a fuckup with a love potion and fucked up a planet so much he decided to just leave. With Rick is genuinely 50/50 and he is much more dangerous.


Jaxerfp

Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago


Papa_pierogi

The fucking New York Yankees


hockeyandquidditch

It's probably the Red Sox too, I'm thinking the combined teams in the game I'm watching


DGFD8CHOP

Master Shake, let’s be honest I’m gonna be saved.


Storage-Terrible

You’re fucking doomed bro. I’d trust Carl over shake.


NoHandBananaNo

'Yeah, like Im gonna risk my life saving you from these kidnappers, meat man. That's exactly what Im gonna do.'


pacey494

Appa from Kim's Convenience


Variegatience

Ok, see you


rgb145

Cruella


kapsalonmet

You will look fabulous after being saved as well.


BraindeadScruub

Man im better off dead because i watched Nickelodeon.


writershoney

Keanu Reeves.


BurgundySerpent72

Ok hell yeah you're gonna live. Not because wholesome 100, because he's a total badass in every movie he's in.


TRIGMILLION

My local news weather guy. He might do ok, he's young and wiry.


Space_Man-Spliff

Pennywise


Camp_Express

That’s, well, that’s complicated. I hope we find your corpse.


TheoneandonlyHenry

Jack sparrow


Abogada77

At least he’ll confuse the enemy??


memeroniandpineapple

Jake Peralta. I will most definitely get unkidnapped.


[deleted]

Omniman Oh fuck oh shit!


_bismillah1

Boban Marjanovic, the 7’6 lovable Serbian center from the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks. He’s a gentle giant but he also could easily be a secret superhero, so I think I’m in good hands.


Throw_away91251952

Shawn Spencer. I’ll be fine... probably.


coffeeblossom

The weather man?


69HandBanana69

The Mandalorian


inkseep1

Columbo. I will get home but he will pop back in to say 'just one more thing'.


darth_the_dank

Master chief I'm lucky


fearroir

Melissa McCarthy. They can keep me


Bloodgoat13

The dude. Couldn't pick a better savior


memedealer22

Hopper the police officer from Stranger Things He’s got experience with this so I actually might be fine r/strangerthings


AndrewZabar

Love him!


Thewhatnow92

Gerard Butler. Lucky me 😂


Findest

Which one? Badass from Law Abiding Citizen? Badass from 300? Badass from Olympus Has Fallen? Or wussy Greenland Gerard Butler?


you_are_breathing

Les Stroud. At least I'll know he'll survive.


elreeheeneey

A few DEA agents (my dad is currently watching some DEA show based in airports and I'm sitting on the couch across from him reading a book).


ogier_79

We're rewatching the Good Place. The last character I saw was Michael... This might be bad. ...


SavageCabbageGG

Last thing I watched was the series "Sherlock" so I'm saved


ady92

Leslie Knope- happy days!


Grumpy_Gobi

Rick Sanchez to the rescue!


TheAmmiSquad

Holly Willoughby!


Cressica

Rodney from only fools and horses. Its on tv in the background whilst I’m scrolling. So I’m probably screwed


robocop_z

You would be fucked I’d be honest 😅


alexandertheidoit233

The planet express crew ya and nah


PreventFalls

The main male character in YOU. I don't think I'm very safe....


EtherealNightSky

He's probably the one that kidnapped you 💀


bananagit

Lucifer from the show of the same name, I think I’ll be fine


Ill_Significance7905

Special Agent Gibbs. I think I’ll be ok


PontiusPilate69

Spongebob. I’m pretty much dead


DucoNdona

The Penguins from Madagascar. Not bad.


godisgoodiambetter

Vince McMahon. Death might be the better option…


Thesuperkoolkat

Technoblade, yall im good


Vincent-Hubschmann

Tommy Shelby lmao my kidnappers can go and write themselves off at this point


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godisgoodiambetter

"You have two choices comrade… death or gulag?" "Gulag!" "Very well comrade. You have chosen death… by gulag."


Serious_Chicken_3166

Hell yes, Yennefer of Vengerberg can save me any day of the week


cursed-butthole

Goku so it’s a 50/50 chance of survival


Craninja

Christopher Lloyd as Dr. Emmett Brown. Makes me wonder if my kidnapper is Biff.


II_Confused

The Law and Order TOS crew. Honestly, it's about 50/50 if I survive. Kidnap victims don't have a high rate of survival on that show.


alcarrell

Karen Walker (Megan Mullally) from Will & Grace. lol


SurealGod

Michael Scott..... Well guys, it's been nice knowing you.