T O P

People who choose to be kind everyday despite of not receiving the same kindness back , what motivates you ?

People who choose to be kind everyday despite of not receiving the same kindness back , what motivates you ?

felipebsr

Because i could be the other person.


scubaguy194

Today you, tomorrow me.


self_of_steam

I adore this story. Sort of in the same energy, wherever people make a big deal out of help, I always say 'Well, I trust you'd do the same for me.' I had someone reply with "No I wouldn't, I'm a dick" and just said "Well, maybe this was meant to let you reevaluate that." I kinda wonder if they did, we didn't know each other very well.


mypancreashatesme

I once bought a gift card and a jug of water and some fruit for a person panhandling outside of a grocery store. It really wasn’t a huge deal but the dude who was parked right next to the guy and ignoring him the whole time said “that was really nice of you”. I just responded that the guy was a part of our community and everyone needs compassion- life is hard. I remember when I was a child and my mom and brother and I only ate dinner because of a kind stranger who showed us that same compassion. I only hope I helped the man eat a yummy dinner and gave him the same feeling of value that stranger gave me so many years ago.


self_of_steam

It reminds me of the story about someone helping out a random person asking for money and being told "you know it's a scam, he's going to use it on drugs". Their response was "Well that speaks to their character. This speaks to mine. Paraphrasing but I think about that a lot


endertamerfury

I just do it cause why not? Let me tell you of a story: “there once was a king who wanted a pond of milk. He told every single resident MUST give one cup of milk in the hole. Back then there weren’t streetlights or anything so one person decided ‘i’ll get a glass of water instead. Nobody will notice.’ The next morning, the king checked on his pond. **IT WAS MADE OF WATER!** everyone decided to do the same” that shows that if you don’t do something you don’t want to do, then nobody will do it.


MET1

It's hard to tell if that's going to be appreciated or not, though. But you did try.


ForestCracker

Wooo refreshing “ well maybe this was meant to let you reevaluate that”. Fucking beautiful.


xDulmitx

I think most people that say they are a dick, probably aren't. If you recognize that you are a dick, then you are thinking about your actions and how others view them. A real dick doesn't think about their actions or how others view them (or they just assume their actions are always perfect/right).


RapidCandleDigestion

Maybe, but often people justify shitty behavior by recognizing it. "Yeah I'm just a dick, it's who I am" so they can put no effort into not being a dick


NaBrO-Barium

At least he’s upfront about it


FFF_in_WY

Know thyself


redsavage0

Exactly, saves everyone the trouble. That said, whenever someone prides themselves on those kinds of things, all I can really feel is sorry for them.


arontx

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/comment/c18z0z2


Synchros139

I have never seen this comment linked before and oh boy did it make me cry 😭


oiltarket

One of those delightful reddit moments


Fire_in_the_walls

God I love that story!


Grand-Ad4739

I try not to reproduce behaviour I don‘t like in other people. Makes me like myself more


misterandosan

yup, do it for yourself. When you live consistent to your values and principles, it builds your self confidence, esteem, and just generally you walk lighter. That's more than enough reason. If the only reason you're kind to people is to get something back, you will always only ever be disappointed. Do it for yourself.


Kiroboto

Exactly. Part of it is that I do it for myself. I feel good when I do good. The other part is that it's the right thing to do.


BallsDeepState

its so incredibly easy to do, even if it isnt genuine....dont give a shit about 'reading" every single person you interact with just have a positive outlook and bright, welcoming attitude. happy people, even strangers give it back 2 fold usually.... people that are only looking to be a dick/argumentative/combative get even more annoyed when you talk to them like life is great , so win win


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tttiiippppppeeerrr

This thinking has made me a better driver


The1Real1One

I'm kind because I'm kind, not because other people are


amatchmadeinregex

Yup, this one for me. I just literally don't have it in me to be mean or rude. It's not who I am. That said, I have gone on a few rants at people who have treated me badly. Alone, in my car.


Truegold43

I was trying to rack my brain for a "good" answer until I saw this comment and I couldn't agree more! I was raised to be kind and I continue it on my own accord because *I* want to, not because I'm going to get something in return. It's my nightmare have intentionally (or unintentionally) caused someone to have a worse day so I make sure that I'm courteous and friendly to everyone. And yes, on reddit too. Even you knuckleheads who get sassy in modmail lol


Lutya

Being kind makes me feel good about me


PubicAnimeNummerJuan

Because I know how it feels when you're down and your day/week/month/year just fucking sucks, and if there's a chance I can make just one person who feels like that have a better day and feel good for a bit, then it's worth it *Edit: so I've never actually seen a full episode of friends and had no idea I was close to the theme song, took me a bit to figure out why so many people were saying "I'll be there for you" lol but thanks for making me aware of that


GodMomItsNotAPhase

Exactly! Me too! Something so simple and effortless as telling someone their shirt looks cool can honestly make a world of difference in someones day so why not do it?


vanillebambou

I remember this one girl saying my shirt was awesome (a bbc sherlock geek shirt) just in passing in the street. This was over 15 years ago. We really should strive to be nicer to everyone.


eiberger1

Yea I'm still riding high on a compliment an attractive girl gave me she said that color of blue looked good on me. I took it so weirdly I haven't gotten a compliment in ten years and I freaked out I was like no way! You mean it??? Oh geez thx idk what to say. That was a few years ago and I'm still feeling good about it


eclipsemonster

And now, all of your clothes are blue


eiberger1

Only 75%......


islandorisntland

THIS! Although it makes me anxious, I love commenting on other women's clothing that I like. The reaction is always the same. "Excuse me..."...(They look confused/perhaps angry)..."I love your dress!" Face lights up, "Oh thank you!!!"


Remarkable_Story9843

This. As a pushing 40 gal, I remember how rarely I got compliments after age 11 , so I try and compliment 1 stranger (usually female) every day. I work with 90 % men so I compliment them frequently as I know men don’t hear it enough too but complimenting strange men in public can backfire. Last week I was at the mall and while passing by the food court I Saw a 15-ish-year-old girl With the most vibrantly orange hair. It was adorable and she looked like an anime character. So I made it special point to complement her on her hair and how gorgeous and looked. Girl lit up like the Fourth of July. Said to her friend as I was leaving “I cant believe she liked my hair!” It wasn’t until I got home and was changing into my Dinosaur comfy clothes that I realized that I’m probably her mom’s age, I was like in a professional business suit/heels/pantyhose and looked like a real-got-it-together grown up and not someone who appreciates a 15 yr old neon orange box manic panic hair. Something I read came back to me “ Be the someone you needed when you were younger” Edit-typo


OpheliaRainGalaxy

When I was in high school, I was super into the goth look and wore those "bondage pants" covered in straps and chains. My family laughed at me a lot. But whenever I went to visit friends in Montana, the little old ladies at Walmart would surprise me with unexpected compliments! "I love your pants! Where did you get those? I'd like to get some for my grandson!" So glad my husband's mother is that sort of lady too. She's got bright purple/blue hair and she's developing a habit of buying me cool clothes that she likes but feels like she can't wear, like loose tie-dye cloth overalls.


AlsoThisAlsoTHIS

That’s a great saying, where’s it from? I’m also pushing 40 and big on complimenting others. It’s almost a compulsion - I’m not a hater, I’m a congratulater!


Dang_It_All_to_Heck

FYI -- this is especially true for men. They so rarely get compliments. And getting compliments is so nice.


B1GTOBACC0

And all you dudes out there: compliment your bros. Cool tee? Let em know. They trimmed the beard nice? Point it out. Sweet new kicks? Talk about em. Been hitting the gym? Talk about that weight loss or those biceps. A compliment on someone's effort makes them more likely to put effort out in the future. Kind words for your friends are an investment in their future.


starshinefirebubble

I (F) was grocery shopping the other night and one of the male stockers complimented my sweater. I have received many compliments from strangers about this sweater, but usually from women. The fact that a man complimented me on it in a completely kind and non-flirtatious way just really great. You can be kind and compliment people on basic things regardless of gender and it is always appreciated.


Sammydean-20

I was at Starbucks before the pandemic and complimented this very well dressed mans shoes. The smile I got was utterly wonderful and he was very attractive as well ( that wasn’t the first thing I noticed though) . We talked for awhile and it was a nice interaction. I miss starting random conversations with people at Starbucks. That’s how I got my social interactions and became more talkative when I was younger.


morriere

i work in retail and complimenting people is the best part of the job. somehow it feels more acceptable to compliment others when im working than when im just out and about but im trying my best to compliment strangers more often.


Duckyass

This is exactly why I have a tray set out on the front porch with bottles of water, Gatorade, and various snacks like bags of peanuts, beef sticks, and a variety of candy for our delivery drivers. I know their job can be stressful and they don’t always work under the best conditions, so I do what I can to make their day a little better. We receive a lot of deliveries, and every time I see one of them smiling after reading the note I left out their with the snacks, it makes my own day better as well. I have the [cutest video clip](https://youtube.com/shorts/6PO1x-Y-HvE) from my front door cam of a FedEx driver running toward the front porch with the excitement of a child after he spotted a box of sour patch kids. As he was running, he cried out “Oh! SOUR PATCH KIDS???” He put the package down on the table and said “Oh my god. This is awesome! I love this. Thank you!” before hopping off the porch while practically clicking his heels and running back to his truck with a spring in his step. That reaction made me feel happy for days. Edit: Paid the wholesome tax and [uploaded the clip to YouTube](https://youtube.com/shorts/6PO1x-Y-HvE)


Spinningwoman

Wow. That’s an idea that hadn’t occurred to me!


sockgorilla

I feel that. My job’s a joke, I’m broke, and my love life’s DOA.


S01arflar3

I’ll be there for you


fort_wendy

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼


yeetafetuslol

sounds like you might be stuck in 2nd gear


OkTower9298

Tbh for me it takes a lot of effort to be an ass


LemonTheSour

No like it’s so tiring to be a dick, like I’ll get angry at something for a moment and before I know what’s happening the wind has already left my sails and I can’t be fucked anymore


Hi--Cats

Right? Kindness is the easiest route. You won't get caught up in drama, you avoid avoid fights, people are more apt to help you etc Edit: I'm a naturally meek person. I'd been bullied pretty badly in the past. My coping mechanism was always to smile through it and be kind to whoever was mean to me. It throws them off and makes it harder for them to continue being mean. I know It's really difficult to show kindness to people who treat you awful, but it's often the best way to get people to start treating you with respect. Fighting back and being a dick will only make a situation worse, even if you do have to sacrifice some pride.


heinousheatwave

I'm not especially strong or educated, I'm not particularly well off and I know I can get carried away and come off as annoying sometimes. So if I can't be strong or smart, socially adept or successful I can definitely be kind.


txpvca

"When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people." ~Abraham Joshua Heschel


Zman8969

I slowly come to view the kind people as the actual intelligent ones as kindness begets homeostasis amongst us all. Took a while for my POV to swing that way, but I see it now.


Crabbensmasher

Yeah, smart people are all over the place, they are a dime a dozen. Truly nice people are much rarer to find


TheWaterIsFine82

Not everyone can be the next Albert Einstein or Carl Sagan, but we can all try to be like Mr. Rogers or Bob Ross. Maybe not as well-known, but we have the potential to touch the lives around us for the better.


ValjeanLucPicard

Reminds me of a quote from the fantastic movie Harvey with James Stewart. "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me."


jnseel

You have this so wrong, friend. Strength doesn’t just come from physical capacity. School isn’t the only place to receive an education. Richness isn’t tied to wealth. You are all those things *and* you are kind, so really, you’re way ahead of the average person.


muffinpie101

Reminds me of a friend that used to say "we aren't poor - we just don't have any money!"


pitasauce

My Mother's favorite saying is: "Some people are so poor they only have money."


Justmeandmygirls

I think a lot of it boils down to how you are raised, my dad came from an extremely loving family and my mum didn't. My dad will do anything for anyone and doesn't expect something in return and is always pleasently surprised when they reciprocate because that's how he was raised. My mum made the conscious decision that she would never be like her family and is right there with my dad. They are both so supportive of me and my brother, and by extension all of our friends because they see anyone who is part of their life a family. Lost count of the amount of times growing up we had friends stay with us because they had fallen out with their own parents. I try to do the same, and raise my girls the same.


self_of_steam

I'm like your mom. I remember the exact moment at 15 that I decided I wasn't going to be like my parents. They had a room repainted and said it looked patchy when the first coat hadn't even dried. Instead of waiting until the job was done or listening, they went full Asshole on this poor guy, including threatening his pay. They were recently wealthy, they didn't need to do any of that to him... So I decided fuck them. Fuck their money and the inheritance they liked to dangle over my head. Not if it meant making someone's eyes lose their spark like they did to the painter. Two years later they kicked me out for some complicated reason, I was homeless for a year then built myself from the ground up without them. I've never regretted it.


Justmeandmygirls

Sounds similar, my mum's folks were nouveau rich and were complete aholes. My mum married my dad against their wishes (cos he was from mere farming stock) and has since refused anything money related from them as my mum knew they would hold it against her. My folks are comfortable, they live by the beach and would rather spend their time walking holding hands whilst the dog and grandkids splash in the sea, than jet setting abroad. Good on you for escaping and making your life your own! X


BlueGrotta

I don't expect people to be kind back.


ghostthered

This. I do it because it’s the right thing not because I’m hoping for any return.


discerningpervert

People doing nice things because they expect something in return aren't actually good people.


MythicalAce

Exactly. Kindness should be shown because it's the right thing to do. There's already enough hatred in the world, why add more, right?


not_cookie_monster_

It might be because of the stories we're told as a kid, where every kindness is paid back, which leads people to have unrealistic expectations. In reality, there is no way to prove this belief, and the only sure reward is knowing you aren't adding to the cruelty in their lives, and are making it easier for someone to get through this shithole of a world. Might seem stupid and naive in the beginning, but knowing that you made someone else happy is probably the best kind of happiness.


Boubonic91

That, and paying it forward is a very real thing. It may not happen 100% of the time, but a lot of people get inspired by a random act of kindness and feel the need to return the favor to someone else. I personally set a goal to perform 1 random act of kindness every month, whether it's mowing an elderly neighbors grass for free, buying an extra burger or 2 and handing them out to the homeless, or pausing my commute to pull over and help someone thats having car trouble, or anything in between. I'm often offered payment, but I simply refuse the money and ask that, if they find someone struggling and they're in a position to help, to do what they can for them. Honestly, I'd say this is my biggest motivator. At the end of the day, every life is precious and everyone deserves to experience that life with happiness and contentment. We must also remember that this life is short and fragile, and the day it ends will be the day you cease to write your own story, and instead leave your memory in the hands of your fellow man. We must remember how we want that story to be told, and live each day like it may end at any moment. I, personally, would like my story to inspire others to be kind and gentle human beings.


NewSummerOrange

Agree. When people reciprocate it's really lovely, but not expecting anything in return has made me a much happier person. My life is not a bank account that I balance kindness for kindness; rather my life can be measured in the total kindness and joy and love I share with others. Trying to balance things IMO is where resentment grows. That being said, I feel no obligation to be kind to people who are mean, unpleasant, violent etc. I'm not a moron, I'm nice. There's a difference.


RNGHatesYou

So many people in this comment section don't seem to understand your last paragraph. I like to increase the total kindness in the world and look at the big picture. If you're a jackass though, I will kindly tell you to fuck off, though!


pennyannajets

Agreed! I think it is increasing the total kindness. An appropriate "fuck off" is kindness. It sets a healthy boundary between you and the unpleasant. Plus it provides an example to other kind people who maybe weren't taught those skills. Keep up the kindness


BlayCoo

Exactly this, I find if you expect the same energy you put out back you'll be disappointed more often than not and it can actually end up being a bit of a downer. Still acting kindly but Lowering the expectations gives you the freedom to just enjoy doing good deeds over seeking constant validation through them!


Miamalina12

Also, if it has become kind of an instinct for you to be kind, every now and then there will be someone who's day you make just by a small gesture. I might not directly see it but just the knowledge that it might be the case is enough.


Marisleysis33

This is true. I used to work with a woman who was alot older than me at the time. She was a sourpuss, always grumpy as heck. I would smile and say hi, be nice to her. Well when I had put in my notice to quit for another job she gave me a card where she'd written thanking me for being nice to her, it made her days bearable. I'd found out later from other co-workers that she was living in an abusive relationship and everything in her personal life was very bad. I didn't even think I was being especially "nice" to her as I treated everyone that way, but apparently it was something very impactful for her.


CausticSofa

I always butt up against this when I hold the door open for a stranger and then they don’t acknowledge it in any way. For a second I’m really annoyed that they couldn’t even be bothered to say thank you, then I have to ask myself, “Did I open the door to be nice or did I open the door so that somebody would validate me?” It’s easy to let it go once I ask myself that.


Usidore_

I try to embody this mindset so much. Being a dwarf, I get a *lot* of shit from people: shouting on the street, pointing, people filming me and taking photos of me, asking me invasive questions, generally making rude statements about me or expressing weird assumptions. It gets tiring and sometimes downright upsetting, for sure, but I *never* want to let that feed into how I interact with people in general. As soon as I am a dick to someone preemptively, without cause, I have just ruined an opportunity to have a positive new connection in my life. People can and will often surprise you, and even people who may seem ignorant or rude at first can change dramatically if I don't just shut them down from the offset. There is a line, of course. If someone is a complete unapologetic ass - fuck them. I'm not against standing up for myself and I have had to cut ties with people before, but in milder situations, people have the capacity to change and it's kind of wasted potential to not encourage that, whether it is through empathy or kindness. I used to let all of this get to me. I would be so angry and miserable, every day. I hated everyone. But eventually, I realised that empathising with people is a win for both parties: understanding where a person is coming from (not excusing it, but understanding it) made me less angry, and in turn allowed for them to not get defensive or aggressive like they would if they were just pegged as a monster. Eventually, empathy just became easier. It made me happier, and it took less of a toll on my mindset.


Fenkirk

Sorry if this is a stupid question but, did Peter Dinklage becoming a favourite character in Game of Thrones make things better or worse? It seemed like the first time that a dwarf actor had top billing in a prestige TV. Again, sorry if that's a stupid question.


Usidore_

Overall, definitely better. I got sick of the Tyrion references 8 years ago, but that’s really the only negative (and the references are still so, so much better than the oompah loompah and mini me references). I think the best part is how much it normalised us being sexual beings in a non perverted, fetishised way. We’re just people.


JohnnyGranite

>I think the best part is how much it normalised us being sexual beings in a non perverted, fetishised way. We’re just people. The last time I saw you on reddit I said the same thing but.. damn i really never thought about this. I guess it goes to show how helpful positive representation in media can be.


newthrowgoesaway

You seem a really wise guy, 10/10 would hang and dialogue over beers and bonfire


theshizzler

>You seem a really wise guy, 10/10 would hang and dialogue over beers and bonfire Just got finished saying they were annoyed by the Tyrion references and you go and assume that they drink and they know things. :P


newthrowgoesaway

Yeah! That was *totally* what I was implying, im pretty funny like that.. 🙃 Seriously though, nice catch


ebwoods1

I’m Asian and was about the same age as the character Short Round when Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom came out. So few Asians in media back then that even though I’m a girl, I got all the Short Round-Kung Fu jokes and requests to perform on demand.


meangreenbeanz

Peter stole the show for me in [Death at a Funeral ](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0795368/)(2007). Highly recommended, if you like Peter, or British comedy, or just good cinema.


Pamplemousse96

The British version is definitely the better one but I love that Peter was in both the British and American version


FluffyTid

Whenever I see someone that looks different I actively try to act as normal as possible and avoid staring, same goes for rare ocassions I've recognized someone famous. IMO attracting attention from everyone all the time has to be exhausting, so I do my best to mitigate it.


TruthThruAcoustics

I find that these situations are very similar to "trying not to look high." >Ok look normal. Wait what is normal? Make eye contact. Not like THAT! ...Well now don't AVOID looking their way... Then I realize that people are people, give "the nod," and continue about my day, interaction immediately forgotten.


AbsolXGuardian

I have that problem as well. Because "pointedly not staring" is something others can notice and is also alienating. Same with when eye contact fails me. 90% it's subconscious, 10% I become the kind of autistic person who has no idea how to do it and trying making me feel weird. I end up just looking in the area of their head and hoping for the best.


Maxxonry

I just think you shouldn't make anyone else's life harder than it already is. EDIT: I've been on Reddit nine years and I've never had this much of a reaction to one of my comments. Thanks, y'all! To clarify: I am not a saint, there are exceptions, and my kindness does have limits. However, I usually try very hard to be nice to people because life sucks sometimes.


belovetoday

"When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending." – Thich Nhat Hanh


CuriousAquarius85

This monk has changed my mindset so much over the yrs. Especially his take on death. His metaphor as a cloud.


messy_messiah

Same here. Closest thing to a true living legend we have today. Got the opportunity by chance to join him in 'walking' meditation (he was in a wheelchair) a couple years ago and I was moved to tears. That man has helped me so much over the years.


elcd

Any suggestions on works of his to have a crack at?


adogtrainer

The Miracle of Mindfulness is where I got my start. Although I’ve loved everything of his I’ve been able to read.


greybeard_arr

Seconding this one. His thoughts on being present (when you’re washing the dishes, just wash the dishes), have been life changing for me. “Life changing” seems like such a trite and overused phrase, but that truly fits here. I’m grateful that man exists.


Investtheres1

What's his thought on washing the dishes? It very much sounds like a book I need to read right now, but I'm curious of this point your explaining.


greybeard_arr

He says that whatever you are doing should have your full attention. If you are helping your kid with their homework, then be present and focus on that. Don’t hold in mind a desire to watch TV or a problem from work you are addressing. Just focus on helping with homework. If you are washing the dishes, try not to allow your mind to wander to something from the past or something about the future that causes worry. You don’t live in the future or the past, you live now. So when you are washing the dishes, just wash the dishes only. And it is okay to worry about the future from time to time as long as it is not controlling us, but do so when you have intentionally given yourself time in which to think about things you may encounter in the future. I can’t say it nearly as beautifully as he does and I’m sure I’m missing some valuable points. Definitely check out the book sometime. I was recommended it years ago when I was going through a nasty divorce and was an anxious wreck. The teachings made a world of difference for me.


kaliefornia

This sounds perfect for my anxiety, thank you


messy_messiah

First book I ever read of his and a great introduction to the big ideas of Buddhism is The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching. Feels like he's speaking directly to you. https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Buddhas-Teaching-Transforming-Liberation/dp/0767903692


HarveyFloodee

I also really liked his journals and perspectives in Fragrant Palm Leaves, however it’s more a look into him and not as much as a Buddhist text, but I think he would say it’s both


MiamiFootball

The Plum Village app and youtube channel is a great place to start. He has lots of content and dharma talks (lectures/teachings) on youtube where you can pick topics interesting to you. If you find the content appealing - the free app provides a guide to practicing mindfulness.


UrAnus____

What’s his take on death ?


Nolo__contendere_

Just found this: -------------- Sometimes people ask you: "When is your birthday?" But you might ask yourself a more interesting question: "Before that day which is called my birthday, where was I?" Ask a cloud: "What is your date of birth? Before you were born, where were you?" If you ask the cloud, "How old are you? Can you give me your date of birth?" you can listen deeply and you may hear a reply. You can imagine the cloud being born. Before being born it was the water on the ocean's surface. Or it was in the river and then it became vapor. It was also the sun because the sun makes the vapor. The wind is there too, helping the water to become a cloud. The cloud does not come from nothing; there has been only a change in form. It is not a birth of something out of nothing. Sooner or later, the cloud will change into rain or snow or ice. If you look deeply into the rain, you can see the cloud. The cloud is not lost; it is transformed into rain, and the rain is transformed into grass and the grass into cows and then to milk and then into the ice cream you eat. Today if you eat an ice cream, give yourself time to look at the ice cream and say: "Hello, cloud! I recognize you.


scarycassowary91

I was eating an ice-cream as I read this. Thank you for posting this.


Hilton_Ghost

You are eating a cloud!


meco03211

For how spiritual this is, I really dig how there's actual science involved. Like dude got an education before trying to say some profound shit.


Nolo__contendere_

Right?! I came across another quote I thought was beautiful: ------------- The day my mother died I wrote in my journal, "A serious misfortune of my life has arrived." I suffered for more than one year after the passing away of my mother. But one night, in the highlands of Vietnam, I was sleeping in the hut in my hermitage. I dreamed of my mother. I saw myself sitting with her, and we were having a wonderful talk. She looked young and beautiful, her hair flowing down. It was so pleasant to sit there and talk to her as if she had never died. When I woke up it was about two in the morning, and I felt very strongly that I had never lost my mother. The impression that my mother was still with me was very clear. I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is always alive in me. I opened the door and went outside. The entire hillside was bathed in moonlight. It was a hill covered with tea plants, and my hut was set behind the temple halfway up. Walking slowly in the moonlight through the rows of tea plants, I noticed my mother was still with me. She was the moonlight caressing me as she had done so often, very tender, very sweet... wonderful! Each time my feet touched the earth I knew my mother was there with me. I knew this body was not mine but a living continuation of my mother and my father and my grandparents and great-grandparents. Of all my ancestors. Those feet that I saw as "my" feet were actually "our" feet. Together my mother and I were leaving footprints in the damp soil. From that moment on, the idea that I had lost my mother no longer existed. All I had to do was look at the palm of my hand, feel the breeze on my face or the earth under my feet to remember that my mother is always with me, available at any time.


IAmAnObvioustrollAMA

I lost me mother to covid a little over a year ago. I've been really struggling and really needed to read this. Thank you for helping me heal! Edit: am currently giggling cause I just realized I typed "me" instead of "my" I lost me mother to covid a little over a yarrr ago.


tkp14

I lost both my parents when I was young (Dad when I was 15; Mom when I was 22). It took me a really long time but what he describes here is how I eventually processed the loss: they are alive inside me. I’m not as enlightened as he is though — I’m 73 and I still miss them.


carsont5

hugs to you my friend ❤️


Think-Bass9187

I lost both my parents two years ago, when I was 58. I will always love and miss them. You seem like a lovely person. I wish you all the best and send you love. You


brotum248

Wow. This is profound. My mom is still with me but I have a lump in my throat and am trying not to cry in front of my in-laws.


Nolo__contendere_

If there's anything I learned about grieving: it's 1000% better to let it out than to keep it in. And if you want, talk out whatever is going on in your mind in the moment with loved ones (your partner, close family/friends, etc). Sometimes talking things out makes you come to certain revelations. I personally feel that keeping things in prolongs healing and can cause psychological anguish the more you try to fight it. Hang in there friend 💛


RNGHatesYou

This may sound strange, but a thought like this is why I stopped plucking my eyebrows to death. They're my dad's. A part of him is in me, why would I want to get rid of it?


TheStarWarsTrek

Same! These are my grandmother's unruly eyebrows, and they help me face the world with the same strength and humor and conviction she did.


AcidRose27

That's a really lovely thought as well.


Gremayre

In one of his books he says something like: I was out for a walk and i saw dead leaves on the ground, decaying into the earth. I looked up at the tree and i saw new leaves growing. I looked back down at the dead leaves and i said to them, "You are not dead. You are just pretending!"


[deleted]

I love Thich Nhat Hanh. I’ve read pretty much everything he’s written. The world would be a much better place if people lived their lives according to his teachings.


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SmashBusters

Yep. Lot of other advantages too. The whole "If they don't like you, that's their problem" mantra will actually apply if you're a nice person.


ArtIsDumb

Plus it's easier to be nice than to be a dick.


laureneviosa

This!!! Life is HARD. People go through shit. Also, having less empathy is often genetic, neurological, mental health, and gut bacteria related. (There should be consequences for hurtful behavior and actions, but people themselves are a fucking mess of complications). I don't need people to be kind to me, because I have a lot of beauty in my life. I want everyone else to enjoy the beauty in their lives, too, even with the struggles. I want them to thrive alongside the pain. I want them to be as happy and well as possible. I don't want anyone to be stuck in suffering because life is short, and the reasons you may be a dick are complex. Your life is happening right now. It's passing by. What beauty is passing by that you just don't see? Can I make your path a bit more beautiful with a little kindness?


vb0823

Exactly, I never know what goes on in others life, I’d be kind to you up until you’re a complete dick too me . But you got it right, sometimes the little things like saying “excuse me” and “thank you” while shopping goes along way for some people. Plus why would I waste my own time being an asshole, I’d rather be nice and spread that joy to others :)


CausticSofa

I love this. My number one piece of advice for travellers is to learn how to at least say Hello and Thank-you in the language of the place you’re traveling. It’s amazing how much it lights peoples’ faces up and increases their willingness to be helpful and welcome you in. And it’s such a simple, low barrier. Thank you is like a magic key in life.


FryinGosling

It just never hurts to be nice. You don't know what people go through or how long it's been since someone said something or did nice for someone, so I do my part to reset the clock on that. I remember holding the door for a guy one time when he was like 20 feet behind me, and he was so appreciative that someone did something for him that sounded like he was about to tear up. You just never know, so why not be a good person?


thunderturdy

This! I actually just quit my job yesterday because I realized that my managers were being intentionally rude and hurtful towards me and the higher ups didn’t care. One of the days I was just having a hard day and when my manager came down on me intentionally harder than was necessary I had a major panic attack. Later that afternoon he admitted he wrote and reread the mean message but decided to hit send anyway because he knew I “wouldn’t like it”. I just realized in that moment I couldn’t be in a place that condoned that kind of behavior from employees. Said managers then begged me to stay after I put in my notice. Of course. Later that evening I went to the grocery store and saw the same meat counter lady who is always there. She’s always so polite and friendly so because I was having a bad day I asked her “how are you always just so gracious and friendly?! I have never seen you otherwise and I love that I can always expect to see you here with a smile on”. She instantly started to tear up and told me what I said meant so much because she was having an absolutely horrible day. I just thought again how much words can matter and felt even more justified leaving my job. You never know what a person is going through and your attitude and words can make or break someone’s day, so why not just be kind? My go to response to people who are rude to me is “you seem like you’re having a bad day, I hope being rude to me made you feel better about yourself.” Usually shuts people down pretty quickly.


Friskyinthenight

You sound like a lovely person. I'm so glad you got out of that job, that took real courage. That kind clapback (kindback?) is also perfect.


mayayahee

"You seem like you're having a bad day, I hope being rude to me made you feel better about yourself." So that's how I can say it. Thank you


dangalg

I used to hate when people did that to me... Always had to start running so I wouldn't make them wait...


timidpenguinquacker

Yesterday I was in the parking lot and saw a guy holding the door for an older woman, and she shouted, “Hunny I’d run so you weren’t waiting, but I’d pee my pants!”


Dang_It_All_to_Heck

I feel a definite kinship with that lady!


le_quisto

The best reaction I had from someone to whom I held the door was at my university with two Japanese tourists. I'll never forget their huge smiles and bows after walking through that door. I used to hold that door open everyday but those two people are marked for life


ChoosingIsHardToday

🤣 cute old lady


eat_your_brains

I'm actually standing here holding open the door of that building you're going to tomorrow. Start running, please.


VarianCytphul

When I hold the door, or stop to let people cross a road I kind of hate when they start running. Why run? I knew what I was doing when I stopped. Slow down! I am not in a rush and you weren't before I did something and you won't be after your done.


BabyEatersAnonymous

If they have time to hold the door, they already committed to the wait.


Dang_It_All_to_Heck

This is a lesson we can all learn. Thank you for this comment.


Imanirrelevantmeme

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always” -Robin Williams


lillyko_i

being unkind makes me feel very guilty immediately lol. even if they "deserved" it, I just feel kind of angry or upset after, never better


maudykr

Totally!!!


forworse2020

Actually yeah, this. I can be horrible. Like I have potential to make a person feel like absolute shit. But if I do, I hurt myself too. Don't know if that's selfish, but there we are.


Plethora_of_squids

I genuinely don't get how you can just be *mean* or *rude* to people for no reason other than "I don't have to be nice". Like doesn't that weigh on you? Make you feel bad?


heyeengebruikersnaam

Sadly for some if doesn't make them feel bad. Not saying they don't have any responsibility but for people like you and me kindness is just a default mode. If you lack empathy it's much harder to be kind and it takes effort I guess.


[deleted]

You never know who's suffering from what.


FriedBack

This. And you never know how your kindness may impact someone's morale.


Teh_Mongoose

Anger. The world is often shitty and people are often selfish. So I'm relentlessly positive and friendly even when others abuse it. I'm not letting shitty people gaslight me into being like them.


GodMomItsNotAPhase

"Fuck u world imma be nice anyway" love that energy


HowToBeACarpenter

Kill 'em with kindness.


TheLastUBender

It's like armour in a way, if you refuse to be annoyed. The people that are shitty to you on purpose are also more annoyed when you just ignore it and continue to be pleasant. When they escalate it to get a rise out of you, they look like even more of a dick to everyone.


discerningpervert

Exactly. You being nice and refusing to let a bad attitude get you down gives them no power over you. Reminds me of that Eleanor Roosevelt quote Edit: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”


wanderlustliz

As a server for a couple years, I feel like my patience, and sometimes kindness, is slowly being chipped away. I’ll be ready to start my day all peppy and positive, then you get shit all over and let down by some rude ass people and it just ruins it. I wish it didn’t bother me so much. Just….why you gotta be so rude?


Teh_Mongoose

Nah fam. Take no shit, stand your ground, but be relentless with each new interaction. New person? Yeah the last 5 have been entitled wankers today, but this guy is getting my friendly side regardless. Don't crack. Don't get ground down. You have deeper reserves than they have spite and meanness.


suddenlycumbly

I avoided being bullied by being nice and funny. It was my defense mechanism for scary situations. For the most part I wanted to be left alone with my small group of friends, and diffusing situations by being pleasant seemed to work. Assholes love a good fight, don't give it to them.


belovetoday

This is called 'radical kindness'!: "Practicing radical kindness means assuming the best of everyone— heart- seeing them— and then acting toward them with compassion, patience, and humility. It means infusing what we think, say, and do through- out the day with warmth, understanding, and care. It means treating everyone— including ourselves!"


WannabeBlondie666

My mother. She was the nicest person I've ever known she was respectful, kind and nice to everyone even the ones who were mean to her. She committed suicide in April of 2019, and it made me really question life at the time. I think of her and aspire to be that level of kindness, I guess it reminds me of her whenever I see I've made someone smile (:


felinelawspecialist

I’m sorry love. I lost my mom to suicide in 2017 and she was literally the light of everyone’s day. All my friends adored her. She wasn’t perfect but taught me to love others and stand up for people who couldn’t speak for themselves.


WildWooper

Anxiety makes me think everyone already hates me 👉😎👉 so i try to be liked by people


SleazySerpent1469

Seeing other people happy is reward enough


HalaMakRaven

Yes! Once, a lady smiled at me from her car when she let me cross the road and it literally made my entire week, I hope I have the same effect on people. It may only be a smile but it can be so comforting in certain situations. Have a very nice day :D


obstracized

"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give." I believe in this quote a lot and try to live by it. Giving kindness is free and maybe, in some situations it may costs more effort. But at the end of the day, I just want them to be happy. That is reward enough for me.


IllustratorAlive1174

Let me tell you a story. Some years ago I was working as a barista at a small coffee shop that only had one person there at a time. If the boredom didn’t get to you the isolation would a little. I was working a morning shift that day and I had gotten little sleep the night before so it put me in a rather bad mood. Coffee can only substitute sleep so well. Now I had been serving customers their drinks that morning and Ive always disliked the people that asked for really complicated elaborate things. A lady comes up asking for one such thing. And it was a situation where she wanted more of something that would result in less drink in her cup. According to my bosses, we were not supposed to humor those people and legit fill the cup near halfway as a result of the customers request. (This is actually kind of absurd, because anyone who works behind the counter knows their is enough product left over in the mixing cup to fill the guests cup, but we are supposed to dump it). So I did as I was supposed to, being in the mood I was and knowing it’s what my bosses would have wanted I thought “nah fuck this lady” and just filled her cup up halfway. When she received it and asked why it was half full I told her that’s what we’re supposed to do. She responded pleasantly and thanked me for the drink. And handed over an origami elephant that she had been making while waiting for her drink. I think I had not felt so bad as I did in that moment in a long time. She was so nice to me when I had actually been rather mean spirited towards her. I kept the origami elephant on my counter for the rest of the two years I worked there as a reminder to give my best to people. Even if it’s not much, just remember to give that little bit extra. I have heard the saying before ‘you can choose to either be the light, or the mirror that reflects it’. And I think that was one of those moments for me. I still have the elephant to this day, in a box of special little gifts I have received in my life. 🐘


Primarch-XVI

I think she'd call helping change someone's outlook like that worth half a coffee :)


CausticSofa

This is such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing.


neildegrasstokem

Without a doubt I have had this happen to me before too. Sometimes something absolutely tiny comes along and becomes a part of your core, strengthening you many times over. Life is so strange.


puzzler30

You never know what someone is going through, even the happiest of people can be struggling internally. I struggle with low self esteem and suicidal thoughts, I never want someone else to feel how low I feel on a daily basis. Being kind can literally be life saving.


Ryuga-Targaryen

I just want to be the reason that someone believes there are still good people in the world


stick_a_fork_in_it

I’d rather put positive vibes out into the world. It feels good.


AfricanWarrior96

It feels good and it's free. Once I realised that it's free being nice, I do it all the time


ConstructionBum

Exactly. It makes me a happier person to be kind. It feels bad when I’m not. The anxiety of having been shitty to someone far outweighs the feeling you get when someone doesn’t return your kindness.


Suspicious_Ad7948

Kindness begins with knowing we all struggle.


[deleted]

If no one is extending an arm,I take it is my responsibility to extend mine.


Kobstar2048

because i wanna get that true pacifist run on this mortal realm before i start going for the genocide route... Edit: Man, who knew rambling on about how you are going to end the universe one day will get you the wholesome and hugz awards, also how is this helpful?!?!


GodMomItsNotAPhase

The reincarnation department of the afterlife is shaking in their boots


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OkBuddieReally

I always find selfish reasons in everything I do, then find other reasons just to reinforce anything I want to accomplish. For me being nice is to have more friends ,a better reputation and easier time maintaining friendships, which I find valuable. The external reasons is that it’s nice to be nice, it makes me feel special or have self-worth being able to contribute in society even in a small way, and I would like someone to help me, so I should help others.


_trouble_every_day_

It’s the selfless good deed conundrum. My take is that if doing something kind makes you feel good then you’re probably a good person so stop worrying about it.


sohmeho

If it’s selfish to do good and selfish to do bad, then the selfish part seems inconsequential.


trinketstone

In the grand scheme of things, being kind out of selfish reasons is completely inconsequential. Why care if it is selfish or not? Humans are social creatures, and as such we are hard wired to look after each other. If I am nice to you, then there's a possibility for you being nice to me. I always found it weird when people make the argument for "being nice because it feels good" is somehow a bad thing. What, do you think it should physically hurt to be nice? Feeling good for being nice is more proof that it's a good thing as it makes our lives better for everyone involved.


VeeBeeEll

It isn't a conscious choice, it is the way that I am. Even when I am at my worst (feeling really down) I put on a smile. Having had some bad times that I wouldn't wish on anyone else I just do what little I can. Yesterday I complimented a woman on her bright pink hair and we had a short but sweet conversation about it.


MontyGluDevair

One day an old man saw a boy upon a beach. The boy was picking up sand dollars that had washed ashore and were dying in the hot sun. Handful by handful the boy took as many sand dollars as he could to return them to the safety of the ocean, but the beach was covered in hundreds of exposed sand dollars. Seeing this foolishness the man called out to the boy. "Why do you do such a thing? There are hundreds of sand dollars on this beach, you can only help so many. Why are you wasting your time on something that doesn't matter to you?" To which the boy responded "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps this act does not matter to me, but it matters to *them.*" ​ (Kindness is a choice, you don't do it for praise or prize, you just do it because its the right thing to do sometimes.)


bornwinner461

I don't let assholes decide how im going to act.


Louiskay7884

The golden rule- treat others how you want to be treated. However, once the line has been crossed it becomes "I will treat you the way you treat me." Though my tolerance is fairly high. You can despise someone, yet still be nice.


Everythings_Magic

I do this. It's mainly projection. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I try to be considerate and polite because I want other to be considerate and polite. I don't do it to change the world its just the way I think people should act.


bex9990

I can't say I'm kind every day, because I'm often not, but I have noticed that my own life is better if I'm kind to wankers, especially living in a small community like I do. Being kind takes the sting out of rudeness, usually on both sides. Being nice to an arse makes me feel good, and often makes them back down and apologise, or at least stop doing what they're doing. Sometimes just asking if they're ok can make them stop, although sometimes it leads to a life story! I have always regretted being mean. I've never regretted being kind.


Jazgrin

Everything I give is everything that I keep


Kingforaday42

Don't want other people to feel bad. I feel good when I do good things and bad when I act like a douchebag, though in my thoughts I'm generally an ass.


DrSpagetti

You catch more flies with honey. Not saying your motivation to be nice should be to get things out of people, but more opportunities present themselves when you're likeable and people want to be around you. You sleep well and have diverse social groups to interact with. And being nice does not mean to let people take advantage of you. Clearly communicate your boundaries and have the other person confirm that they've heard and understand you.


charlielovesu

Having ideals means you stick to them no matter what. You have no expectation of getting anything in return. Trying to be a good person is done solely because it’s the right thing to do. Not because you think people will like you better or you’ll be rewarded. Even though being a good person has burned me so many time’s, I refuse to let it break my ideals.


Boozdeuvash

It costs nothing. You have a chance to get kindness in return. ROI is ∞%, always.


gotogarrett

Being kind is so much more powerful, if subtle, than unkindness. It’s costs me nothing but a bit of mental gymnastics and for a few moments life isn’t terrible.


TheNameIsPippen

You can’t control what you can’t control. Live your own life and try to set an example.


Spectrum2081

We are all responsible for what we bring to this world, be it hate, anger, joy, acceptance. I like thinking that I can bring a bit of happiness into the lives of others.


popsticker

Just don't want to put out negativity into the world. Sometimes I am forced to at work but I still try to do it as kindly as possible. Of course, this is not reciprocated most of the time but meh.


vier-zwo

Honestly, it makes my life easier. It's not too much work to be kind and I do not have to worry about what people think of me.


thelittlefae5

What if they’re just having a bad day? Or year? Or life? You never know. They probably didn’t mean to hurt me. Or they just have problems. I don’t know. Regardless, it’s okay. I’ll live. And maybe make their day a little better, at least I hope so. Maybe I’m naive, maybe not. I don’t really care. I’m doing it anyway


Yaguarate

I know what being treated bad is like and wouldn't put it on anyone. And a little good deed goes a long way


jakt0

Living every day like it’s my last so I can die without regrets.


AHopefulOptimist

One thing my Dad taught me is everyone has a story. We don't always understand what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. In my personal perspective, when I encounter someone bitter and cruel, it reminds me that it's a cold world out there — it needs warmth. I try to be that warmth; even if I don't receive it in return.


Halfbeaks

There’s 0 point in being a dick. It does no one any favours.