What family secret was finally spilled in your family?
By - AbsoluteHavoc
That my parents "had" to get married. They always told us they got married in 1961, but it was 1962, 3 months before my sister was born.
What's amusing is that my father was an accountant who was insanely fast with math. Whenever he was asked how many years they'd been married, he'd be off by one. My mother would correct him through clenched teeth and then my father would nod and agree.
I was always told by an older relative of mine that "the first child in a marriage for some reason always took less than 9 months". I always found it amusing to think about that.
My great grandmother wasn’t actually Mexican but rather was adopted by a Mexican family from a Chinese family who was being kicked out of Mexico when railroad construction was over. She always had more typically Asian features but only spoke spanish and it was never really questioned. 23 and me is a hell of a thing.
When my paternal grandfather died the federal govt reached out to do a state funeral. He'd been career army and a colonel, so we didn't question it. Then the funeral came and they went ALL OUT! Huge procession, people showing up who are really big names, like heads of dept's, senators, retired senators, people from the CIA and State Dept, it was nuts and we were all super confused. Turns out he was a key dude in the OSI during WWII and when the OSI splintered into the CIA and Secret Service, he went the Secret Service route. He wasn't on White House detail, but instead worked in a covert office that dealt with counterfeiting and currency. He went blind when I was a toddler and retired from 'the Army.' For whatever reason, he told no one about all his covert work with the OSI and Secret Service and the only person who knew (my grandmother) was sworn to secrecy and never told anyone. My father grew up thinking he was just a colonel working on base. Only after his death were we given all sorts of cool shit like publications by him, lectures given by him, and all kinds of things from various things he did and was known for. All I knew him as was a blind old man who was perpetually smoking, drinking and being a crotchety bastard. Turns out he was a bad motherfucker and all but none of us knew.
In the 1970s a dead girl was found on my grandpa's property. Everyone including the local police just assumed she was in with a bad crowd and murdered by drug dealers.
In the 90s, some of his grandkids came forward about all the molestation. After that, people started to realize grandpa probably killed that girl.
Did anything happen to your grandpa?
He's been dead since the mid 1980s. The victim's parents are also both dead. I know that some people have given the tip to the police department, but I don't think they're going to start re-investigating this cold case without anything more solid than allegations.
this is kind of messed up, but my parents told me my mom had a bad back because i pushed on her spine during birth. this was what i thought all my childhood. i think i was in my teens when my older brother told me my dad pushed my mom during an argument and she fell and had to have surgery.
I thought I ruined my moms back my entire childhood and those SOBs let me believe it :(
My mother is kid #7 of 10. My aunt (kid #4) who was born in 1945 did her DNA and found out that she has a different father from everyone else. She was devastated. There was always rumor that there was an affair but nobody talked about it.
She has so many questions but nobody's alive to answer her.
My fathers brother killed 4 girls when he was in high school. My father was the one who found out and told the police.
When I was 5 years old (1988), Santa Clause left a Nintendo on our front porch. It was wrapped in newspaper, and my parents had no idea who gifted it to us. My dad, particularly, tried to figure it out. He was always suspicious that it had been a family friend. It was by far the best gift of the year, and we played it all the time throughout our childhood.
My dad died in 2004.
Last Christmas, my mom explained that she was the one who had bought it and surreptitiously placed it on the porch. My dad really liked to be in control of things and had forbidden the purchase. She knew better. She didn't tell a soul for 30 years.
My grandparents are first cousin’s... an uncle on the same side of the family is in prison for the assassination of a presidential candidate(family still says he was framed and is innocent)
I can’t believe no one has asked you for the story behind the assassination attempt! How was he caught?
Mexican presidential candidate in the 90’s. It’s actually believed by a lot of people that he was framed.
I see a lot of stories about people finding out that who they thought was their parents weren’t the people raising them and this one is a little bit different.
My dad always thought his father who raised him wasn’t his biodad and the father thought the same. He was treated terribly by his father because the father was told he couldn’t have children and my father was born prematurely (but at a healthy weight). So, everyone assumed my grandmother had an affair and got pregnant with my dad. It was to the point that after my grandmother died, my grandfather failed to even mention to his new wife that he had a son and grandchild (me).
Years later, my dad gets an AncestryDNA test for him and me. He find out that his dad was actually his biodad. It was shocking and sad.
When she was growing up, my grandmother was told by her older siblings that she had a different father than them. They believed their mother was having an affair with a neighbor and that was my grandmother’s bio father.
My mom and I both took DNA tests and it matched us both with cousins from my grandmother’s older siblings and with relatives from their bio dad’s family. Great-grandma may have indeed been having an affair but that didn’t mean my grandmother was a product of that affair. Sadly, even after explaining all of this to her, my grandmother still refuses to believe that her parents were the same as her older siblings’.
I only just recently heard about this, but my grandmother had gotten a little drunk with my dad and brother a month or so ago and started talking about our great uncle Ferber (not sure on the spelling), but from what I heard he apparently killed quite a few people and buried them on some family-owned land in a swamp.
Found out my grandma had a baby as a teenager And was forced to give him up for adoption by my great grandparents. 40 years later he found us
Same thing happened to my mom. I'm 33 now, older half brother is roughly 35. I hold hope that I'll meet him one day.
My cousin is actually my sister. Apparently my mom got pregnant really young and her much older sister adopted my sister and raised her as her own. It was actually an amazing moment when we found out. My cousin (sister) and the sister I was raised with and I are really really close. Just happened last year. We're all old now (I'm 50 and my cousin/sister is 58) so it's just a really neat thing that makes us all happy.
That is awesome!
I guess I just don't get why the secret was kept once you guys got old enough to understand the circumstances of why it happened that way? Genuinely curious.
I think everyone who knew was fine to just leave it alone but when my aunt died my cousin/sister found adoption papers that didn't list the birth mother. She started having an identity crisis and my mom (her real mom) couldn't bear to see it.
My defacto uncle (he and my aunt never married but have been together since well before I was born, with a few hiccups) has a child with another woman. It became common knowledge when the girl was 6 and was starting to understand the situation.
At first it was a bit scandalous but she's been welcomed with open arms by my entire family, including her half-siblings' maternal grandparents, she's treated the same as all the other kids her age.
Her half-sister (my cousin) has a daughter the same age and they're best friends, go to the same high school, totally inseparable, technically aunt and niece haha. She comes to all our family events and she's an awesome kid, we're all stoked to have her in our family!
After my mom died I found out the real story behind my parent's marriage. She came to my father's country to visit some of her relatives. Met my father and after just one week she asked him to marry her so she could stay in the country. My father accepted because he had noone else and his parents were pressing him to get married already.
But the highlight of the story is that over some time, the two of them fell in love with each other. Their love only grew over the time and they were really happy together. My mother spent her last days very ill, and she would accept only my father by her bedside. He swears to this day that she was an angel sent from god to take care of him. I am shocked that they got married just like that, out of the blue and ended up loving each other so so so deeply. I can only hope to have as good and loving marriage as they had.
Edit: I had no idea my parents little secret would touch so many people! Thank you all, it means a lot!
You made it worth scrolling through all these depressing stories. Thanks for sharing!
finally something nice
My uncles are infamous criminals who killed multiple people. I thought they bred dogs.
Edit: thanks for the awards. The only good thing that ever came from this
They may have also bred dogs.....
Lol my moms family she always heard that her uncles were at Ohio state since she was a teenager and never learned until she was in her 30s that it was actually Ohio state penitentiary because they were in the mob
About a month ago, my mother-in-law's 88 year old sister revealed on her death bed that her husband's best friend was actually the father of all 4 of her children. Her husband was an abusive grade A jerk by all accounts. While everyone was shocked, no one was saddened by this news.
Did the friend know?
Yes - he contacted with all 4 "children" (youngest is in his 50s) within hours of her passing. Also, one of the son's first comments was "Is that why he gave me his old car when I needed one back in college?"
That must of brought a lot of favors he probably did for them into hindsight
My uncle served in Vietnam. While over there his troop found a baby that had been orphaned or abandoned, they aren't sure. My uncle was shipping back to Australia soon and wanted to adopt him, but my aunt said no (they'd only been married about 4 months when he was drafted, so while I don't agree with my aunt's actions and generally don't like her as a person, I can understand why she said no). My uncle's troop found a family to raise the baby, and that's the story the whole family knows.
The secret is that my uncle and some other guys from his troop stayed in contact with the family and the kid, sending them money every month to help raise him and then to help him go to university and eventually helped him and his adoptive family move to Australia in the last 90s. My aunt and the rest of my family had no idea all this time, it only came out when my aunt and uncle divorced in 2017 and she had a forensic accountant go through their bank records. She worked at a bank for like 40 years and always noticed the money missing, but his reasons were always justified.
Since we all know now, my uncle has introduced some of us to the guy and his family. They're all really lovely people.
Edit to clarify as to why my aunt is a bad person in this instance:
I was half asleep when I posted this and realised I left out a pretty important detail to explain why I don't like my aunt for this *facepalm*
To preface, I'm childfree and if my husband was in this situation, I'd say no as well. It's not the fact she said no to adopting the kid that makes me dislike her for this, it's her reason.
Aunt is very racist against Asian people. Doesn't matter what part of Asia, she hates them. She's the kind of person who will yell "go back to your own country!" at random strangers who even vaguely look like they may have Asian ancestry. She also cut contact with my cousin, her daughter, because my cousin's husband is half Japanese.
She's said, in front of my family with no shame, that if the kid hadn't been Asian, she would have said yes to adopting him.
I was waiting for “I was that baby”
We found out after my grandfather died that none of his seven children with my grandmother were his, and that they all likely had different fathers.
"Nanny" i had when I was younger was actually my dad's attempted sister wife. (She found out how batshit he was and dipped)
Wait, what? "Dad's attempted sister wife"?
Yup. Learned he's into polygamy and nearly had her convinced to be their 3rd and everything. She came to her senses thank God. (Hes not a nice man)
My great grandfather didn't die of cancer.
He died from complications after being shot when one of his businesses was being robbed. Maybe. He also spent a lot of time in Atlantic City. He also had a lot of partners in the Teamsters and other unions in coal country. Also, everyone called him "smiling Tony' but his name wasn't Tony.
He died in the 60s, long before my time, but when my great grandmother died 20 years ago, a very old guy showed up to the funeral in a white suit and all of the oldest people in my family kisses his hand. When I asked, no one knew who he was.
My grandfather moved his family away from central PA in the late 60s and disconnected from all of this but, there it is.
I always wonder how long it will be before my neighbours kids figure out their daddy is a dealer/ little crooked. There was that one Christmas he got shot in the leg stealing from a farm and hobbled around for weeks.
He’s trying to go straight rn, I heard an absolute blow out fight like 2 months ago as soon as the bigger kids left with the grandparents the missus was smoking ice in the house and he screamed at her about not doing that in the house, not wanting the kids to see
My neighbours similar. He’s trying to turn his life around, and man I want his life to work out.
When I was 28, I found out that my dad was not my biological father. The news came out via the following: my dad was battling depression and was suicidal, so I had just flown home to try to take care of him and rescue him from my mom's wrath. My mom had verbally and emotionally abused him during their entire relationship. He loved her so much, and he tolerated it.
Well, during a solemn walk w/ my dad, as I tried to help him out, he confided that he's not my biological dad, and he went on to tell me he knew this all along but my mom lied to him and tried to convince him that he was my biological father. He knew he wasn't, but he wanted to play the role. When I was 10 years old, my mom finally confessed this to him, and he was worried that upon hearing the news, officially, he'd somehow let this affect his relationship with me. So, when I was 28 years old, during this walk w/ my dad, as he pours out this story to me, he frames it by telling me that his two most proud items in his life are: (1) how I turned out / his raising me; (2) that he had completely forgot about the news my mom told him earlier in that day (when I was 10), about him not being my biological father, and that it was only upon tucking me in at night (when I was 10), that it briefly crossed his mind. It was at that point that he knew nothing would ever come between us and our father-son relationship would be as awesome as ever.
He also confided that my mom did hard drugs while pregnant with me, and this broke his heart to witness firsthand. They were very poor. My dad grew up in a foster home without parents. My mom grew up w/ 6 siblings and ill-equipped parents. She dropped out of 9th grade, whereas all of her other siblings dropped out earlier -- many of them are barely literate.
I'm now mid-30s, and tragically, my dad committed suicide mid-March 2020, right as COVID was hitting. I was out of the country at the time but immediately flew 30 hours (30-min layover) and made it in time for his funeral. I do everything in his honor.
Wow, this thread blew up overnight! My most popular comment by 2 orders of magnitude, and it's about my sorrow. I'm just glad so many of you read about how amazing my dad was, and I truly appreciate the outpour of kind, thoughtful words and wishes. It warms my heart. I could go on and on with countless examples about how amazing he was. After graduating from the orphanage at age 18, he moved up to Atlanta by himself and taught himself woodworking. He was incredible and would build fine-furniture pieces for renowned interior decorators, and his items would be in magazines all the time. He was a starving artist -- we always struggled to get by. Yet, I felt like a spoiled kid on my street, as I had life easier than everyone else (the other kids on my street lived in trailer-homes and had very chaotic households), and it was clear that both of my parents loved me immensely and I felt very well-provided for and supported.
I was very lucky to have him in my life. I still think about him daily, and I'm trying to improve emotionally.
I appreciate everyone sharing your own similar stories, and it provides a sense of camaraderie. Hearing the shared pain and empathy, and seeing that this resonated with so many people, it motivates me to finally write a Short Stories book that would include snippets from my relationship with him. For those interested in reading more about him:
**[EXERPT FROM MY EULOGY TO HIM, WHICH I WROTE WHEN FLYING TO HIS FUNERAL]**
**2. His hard work**
For my entire upbringing, he worked every single day in his shop, for long hours – didn’t even take a day off for Christmas or his birthday. As a kid, I witnessed his work ethic and it forever left an impression on me. Importantly, he didn’t appear as if he was working for someone else; he was working for himself. He found what he loved – woodworking – and he completely immersed himself into and dedicated his life to making perfectly crafted items because he wanted to. He had passion, a pursuit of perfection, and an unlimited tank of dedication to fuel it. He didn’t just make items. He didn’t just work. He made masterpieces.
When I was 18 and left home to go to college, I aspired to be like my dad. He set the example. I was trying to make something of myself, and to really give it my all just like he did. His work ethic was ingrained in me. I would get 4-5 hours of sleep many nights every week. For years. It was hard, but I always thought about how much harder my dad worked. I would recall memories of him working in his shop late at night: I’d hear the saws spinning; The compressor running; memories of huge sawdust piles under his table-saw. He did so much to provide for our family. He always provided. I remember being a kid, hanging out with him in his shop, admiring his dedication to the craft and strive for perfection.
So, when I was 18, starting college, I was trying to make him proud, and I was also trying to do everything I could so that I’d have the opportunity to do anything I want in this world. Not just for myself, but on behalf of my dad. A part of me felt that whatever opportunity I gained, whatever success I had, it was in hopes that he too would somehow benefit. That he could vicariously get what he deserved. He deserved the world, and I’ve just been trying to channel his hard work and do my part. Anything I’ve accomplished, it’s because of my dad.
**3. His creative problem solving abilities**
Not only did my dad work relentlessly hard, but he masterfully found creative solutions to everything. He truly dedicated his life to solving problems and designing furniture for others. There is no physical item he could not figure out. His ability to do so was way beyond anything I’ve ever witnessed. None of my colleagues at MIT, Harvard, Brown, or whatever fancy place I've worked at could remotely come close to having my dad’s unique ability to creatively make things work. Whatever the problem, my dad could find a solution.
When he was 12, he was excited once he learned that you could repair some radios just by replacing the diodes. When I was a kid, he made me an incredible tree house with its own electricity line. When I was a teenager, there was a large ice storm in Georgia that caused half a million homes to lose power for up to a week, our house included. My dad had an old portable black and white TV. He grabbed his car battery, and rigged it up so that we could watch TV for days, despite not having power. His vehicles over the years had so many contraptions and workarounds, they were often like modern day Flintstones cars. This was how he did things his entire life.
**5. His strength and character**
His perseverance was unmatched. He handled so much adversity over the years, especially the past 10 years when he was in so much pain. He was the strongest person I’ve ever met. Hands down. In recent years, he experienced and recovered from Stevens-Johnsons syndrome, a rare, horrific, deadly skin disorder that covers the entire body. He was resilient beyond belief, and he endured so many personal obstacles that were thrown his way. His strength wasn’t just in his ability to endure, but in his bravery. I have many stories from my childhood where he stepped us to save the day in crises. He was fearless. Not only was he courageous in his character, but he was also physically strong as an ox. It was uncanny. In his 60s, he could often lift more than I could in my 30s, despite my being really into weightlifting, but I’ll spare you the fun, humbling details.
**6. Vulnerability and gentleness**
Once I became an adult, he was strong enough to admit to me tough moments in his life. He was willing to confide in me painful times that he endured. He was willing to call on me for help, and to tell me when he felt he wasn’t strong enough. We all feel this way at times. He was vulnerable to cry. He showed me that one’s willingness to show vulnerability is in fact a product of strength and bravery.
As I close, I want to mention one of my favorite artists, Alanis Morissette, who has a stanza that challenges us by asking: “How ’bout remembering your divinity? How ’bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out? How ’bout not equating death with stopping?” To this effect, I know that my dad will continue to inspire me and influence me for the rest of my life, without question.
I am who I am because of him. I’ve always aspired to uphold the principles and he stood for. And I hope that others see in me his virtues and pieces of his personality. I want to continue his legacy. Thus, he hasn’t ’stopped.’ Further, I challenge all of you to do the same in never equate death with stopping. That is, we can do better than just remembering someone; we can do better than just remembering my dad. We can continue to learn from what he’s taught us, the elements I’ve mentioned today:
1. When you find something you love, whether it’s work or a hobby, put everything you have
2. Be willing to think creatively to solve problems.
3. Take the time to enjoy the so-called minutia in life. the alleged trivial details. make it
4. Be willing to play and be silly; don’t take yourself too seriously.
5. Be brave. Be strong. Be so strong, that you’re willing to be vulnerable.
6. Be a teacher, and be a lifelong student.
7. Mean everything you say and speak earnestly.
8. Connect with others; form a community. And be there for others. We could all benefit from the help of others, so be unafraid to rely on others for support. I would do anything to have my dad with us here today. In his own words, which he often told me: “it’s not what happens to you, but how you handle it.” So again, I urge you all to *handle* this tragedy by staying strong, connecting with community and the support of others, and continuing to learn from my dad.
Thank you all for being here. It means the world to me, and I know it means the world to my dad.
I'm very sorry for your lost. Your father sounds like a very loving person and I'm sure you made him proud and happy all the time. Take care of yourself op.
I was 35 when my mother finally admitted to me that she'd been lying about who my birth father was. She waited until after I'd reached out to his other children and we all thought we were siblings.
He later confirmed I wasn't his.
She refused to tell me who my biological father really was.
My great great grandfather was exiled and banned from Missouri for being a sheep thief
I read an amusing anecdote here on Reddit a few days ago. In Europe (I want to say either Ireland or Wales), stealing a sheep was a capital crime, but shagging a sheep was just met with a lot of embarrassment. So if a sheep thief was caught out in the fields with no good explanation of what he was doing out there, it behooved him to pretend that he was a degenerate pervert rather than a thief.
And that is why / how the stereotype and jokes about sex with sheep came about.
The penalty for livestock theft was to have your hand removed. The penalty for bestiality was to have a finger removed. Sheep thieves would claim buggery to lose only a finger instead of the wrist.
Great grandparents’ 60th anniversary party at hotel ballroom with cousins/2nd cousins who hadn’t seen each other in years. My mom and I were talking to my grandfather.
- Mom: Wow. I haven’t seen Chuck, Fred, and a Claire in years.
- Me: no kidding. When do you think we’ll get a group this big back together?
- Mom: Gramps’ bday is in 6 months. We’ll see some people then.
- Me: 6 months? Isn’t it his 60th?
- All: ...
- Gramps: Huh. I never thought about that.
My grandfather was 60 when he realized his parents had a shotgun wedding.
I had a similar experience at my grandparents’ 50th anniversary, because it was precisely 7 months before my dad’s 50th birthday.
We went to my grandmother's for Christmas dinner like we did every year and my uncle drank too much, and kind of hinted that he had an affair with my mother. A couple of months and two dna tests later we found out my sister is actually his daughter. My dad never spoke to his brother again. And of course, my parents got divorced. And I needed a lot of therapy... and chocolate. Gosh we are trash!
you're obviously not trash, but I do think you win this thread. That's one hell of a Christmas dinner.
After I was molested by my uncle, it came out he had done this to another one of my sisters and my family covered it up, particularly my mother. Now I know why my sister didn’t like how close my uncle got to me when I was younger.
It’s never just one victim. Which is why it’s especially terrible to cover it up.
This person isnt lying i came out to my mom after the fact that a family friend had molested me and a brother of mine and it turns out that he had did this to 4/5 children including me, so if youve been molested I encouraged you to tell someone bc its not just your sanity and safety at stake but chances are its someone close to you as well
My niece (24) is dealing with a situation involving her 7 year old daughter. My niece mentioned to her daughters therapist about her concerns about her daughter having inappropriate interest in sex and her bizarre behavior when her daughter returns from visits at her dad's house. DCYF is investigating, my nieces daughter isn't allowed to see her dad. The her daughter's dad is pissed and of course pointing fingers at everyone else and telling flat out lies... that are being disproved. Currently this piece of shit got into a hit and run accident but the pictures I saw of the car it's completely totaled so I find it hard to believe it was a hit and run (I think he tried to commit suicide)
Also for a little background my niece and this guy lived with me when my niece was pregnant. He hit on and hung out with 14 year old girls (he was 21) when my niece was at school. One of the girls he hung out with told my niece last year that he raped her during that time period. I told my niece to see if this girl would be willing to talk to the cops or DCYF because WTF.
My niece is so overwhelmed and just holding it all in so her daughter doesn't feel like it's her fault. This situation sucks and breaks my heart but my niece is strong and being a rockstar mom to protect her little girl.
I’m sorry this happened to you and your sister, I hope you are at peace now.
Yes, we have bonded a lot more since this incident, so we have developed a mutual trust and understanding during difficult situations🥰
The scars on a elder family member's wrist where not from a botched suicide. They were from her mom trying to 'protect' herself and her kids from the approaching red army. (That was at the end of WW II in Germany). This made it so much worse.
After reading this thread, I would have probably done the same.
My mom and older brother are not biologically related to me. My bio mom died sometime after I was born, leaving me, my sister, and my dad behind. My brother was the one that told me. My parents never told me because they wanted to protect me from the truth, but my brother thought that was a bs reason for me to not know. I don't know if my parents know that I know the truth, but I don't want to bring it up either.
Edit: To address some questions, my mom immigrated here along with my older brother when he was a kid. My dad also immigrated here and my sister and I were born after he came. I don't know much about our family history beyond that. My brother revealed this info around when I was 18. He isn't the type to lie about something like this. He also said my sister is apparently aware of the truth because she has a memory of my bio mom being in physical contact with her. I don't think too differently about my family because of this, my mom is still my mom.
I met my wife when my daughter was 16 months old.
Bio-dad was never in the picture.
Once it was looking like a relationship that would last... we got married and briefly toyed with the idea of just never telling her (she was around 3-4 at this time)
Ultimately, we decided that it would be better to not hide it (though that has created some issues with her now half-siblings and some self-esteem issues).
I just felt that her potentially finding this out as an adult might be pretty traumatizing and fucked up. It’s a pretty big lie of omission, and I just wasn’t comfortable with it. Also as important, I believe, for medical history-related things she’ll encounter later in life.
Lastly, it gives bio-dad the chance to do an about face (perhaps as unlikely as that may be) and get to know his daughter without the massive trauma of an unspoken lie being brought into play.
To ease into it, at around 4 years old, I started saying things to her like “After I met you and Mommy” and “This *insert situation* happened before I met you and mommy”
She was able to put 2 and 2 together as time progressed so it wouldn’t have to be a sit down “confession”... but rather a more evolutionary realization which we guided her through.
That sounds like a great way to handle it!
I remember there was a boy in my grade back in high school who didn't know he was adopted until our sophomore or junior year. What was worse, he found out from another student! I guess the boy's parents let it be known to some of their friends and it got around to another student's parents and so on. I felt so bad seeing him so upset at school.
That was a very thoughtful way to let her know the truth without trauma.
That's a lot to carry, especially not bringing it up probably to protect them. I'm glad you can speak to your brother about it at least.
My grandmother recently died. She was famous in our town for her amazing cooking/catering, in particular her turkey dinners. Notably, her gravy was absolutely amazing. So delicious. She had a heart attack several years ago and her near-death experience convinced her to share some of her secret recipes with me, all except for her gravy recipe. When she died this spring, I was going through her pantry and found an entire bucket of KFC gravy mix. She was literally using KFC gravy mix as a base to make her incredible gravy. Huge scandal. lmao
Edit: used infamous when I meant famous :)
Faking gravy has got to be the most charming family secret out of all the horrible shit in this thread.
I remember reading about a similar scandal where the winning chili in a competition was nothing but 10 cans of hornell chili and a jar of grape jelly.
edit :*Hormel chili
I have a friend who, several years ago, won a chili contest in his small town.
His secret recipe? He bought a dozen bowls of chili from Wendy’s, poured them all into a crockpot, and submitted the unaltered chili as his entry, where it won in a blind taste test.
When my sister was diagnosed with cancer and her survival chances were low, it inevitably came out that she wasn’t my sister... Parents must have felt we should all know the truth just in case.
She survived her treatment, and will always be my sister.
Thanks for the kind words everyone!!!! <3
Was a bone marrow transplant in the cards? I feel like that’s the most common reason to reveal that. You wouldn’t test siblings for a match if they aren’t genetically related
My Mom cheating on my dad with my now stepfather. My Parents divorced when I was really young (about 1 year old), so I don't remember anything about that. When I would ask as a curious kid why they split up both said that they just fell out of love. I already had a feeling that this was not true because through my grandma i knew the divorce was in 1996, but my Mom and stepfather started dating in 1995. On my 18th Birthday my stepfather confessed to me in private that they had an affair all that time ago and he still feels awful, because he feels like he broke Up that family. I told hin that all is fine, because everyone is happy now and i already kinda new it. Some years later my stepmother told me that my mom actually kicked out my dad without telling him why. She just "needed a break" (remember she just had a newborn and my dad could barely see me at the beginning). My dad later found out through the landlord that my stepfather had moved in. In the house my dad rented with his wife where his newborn daughter was living with a Stranger. To this day i don't know how my dad managed to overcome this without starting a huge fight. I never talked with my parents about it. Just once when my mom was having a rant about a neighbour who left her husband for another man, I told her to stop throwing rocks while sitting in a glas house. I hope you know what this saying means. She definitly does.
Found out my uncle is actually my brother, my mom had him when she was so young that my grandparents raised him.
How old was your brother when he was your uncle?
We aren’t close so I don’t know for sure but he’s at least 10 years older than me. It didn’t seem weird because my mom is the oldest of her 9 siblings.
how old were you when you found out?
I was a teenager, 15 I think. It was quite shocking.
My mother is 17 years younger than the youngest of her three siblings and born about a year after that sibling started dating her husband; I am still waiting for this secret to come out. I have asked about it and my mother doesn't think so, but I still think there's an even chance.
This used to be a fairly common way to push things under the rug.
Baby gets a good upbringing with family. Mother gets her "reputation" intact.
I grew up Mormon, and didn't connect the dots until I was an adult of the teenage girls I heard about or knew that "moved to stay with family in Utah," for a while. I mean, most of them probably did go to Utah, but it was to spend their pregnancy until they gave birth and the baby was taken for adoption.
This was super common back in the day too, especially among the upper class. Some girl gets to go spend a year with her aunt in Italy for a change of "air" and culture.....
Same thing happened to Eric Clapton. He was raised thinking his mother was his sister.
Jack Nicholson, as well. He didn’t know about it until both his “sister” and “mother” had died. And while he said it was a bit shocking initially, he later expressed gratitude for having both women in his life the way they were.
My grandma didn't drive. I thought she couldn't, but it was just never discussed.
One day when I was maybe 7-8, I'd been trying to get someone, anyone to drive me to the store for candy. We were visiting my aunt and uncle, grandma lived with them. They had Bit-O-Honey at the local store, which I could no longer get at home. But no one would take me to the store.
Finally I said I'd just ask grandma, and my cousin chimes in with, "Grandma can't drive."
"Oh you bet your sweet ass I can drive. They just don't let me!" Grandma had overheard and she was in high dudgeon.
But that's all that was said about it, and my aunt finally took me to the store, so I forgot about it.
Years later, when I'd just gotten my license, I asked my mom what was up with Grandma not driving.
She explained that during prohibition grandma boot-legged alcohol for moonshiners. She was very successful at it. She was so successful at it that when the moonshiners were finally busted, even though the revenuers never caught my grandma, her license was suspended by the state "to never be reissued."
Later in life she was told she could petition for it back but it came with an admission of guilt or some such. She told 'em to go to hell.
I love this story so much! Your grandma was an old-timey badass. I knew an old man who, when he was a little kid, watched the bootleggers speed through their town as it was supposedly quite the exciting event for their small farming community. Little kids were probably watching your grandma race down the roads of their towns back in the day, too.
She had a way about her. That's for damn sure.
Cats hanging around your place and you can't get rid of 'em? Just rub their ass raw with a piece of corncob and splash turpentine on it. That'll get 'em gone. (Note: Do not actually do this. Cruelty to animals laws have come a long ways since the 1930s).
Can't get rid of ducks who are eating in your garden? You get a piece of salt pork a few inches long, and you real tight tie some fishing line to it. Dangle it out there to the ducks, but give yourself five feet of line per duck.
That first one will eat it, and it'll go through their system in minutes. By the time the hour is up, you'll have 6 ducks on a string and you can lead those bastards to someone else's garden.
But my favorite memory was her sittin' on a rocker on the front porch, wrapped in a shawl, chewing tobacco, and spitting off the edge to the flower bed.
My uncle comes pulling up, gets out of the car, and he's white as a ghost. Everyone asks what's wrong, and he starts explaining that just as he topped the hill coming out of town there were two semi trucks coming right at him in both lanes. He did the only thing he could do, and he skirted the ditch on the shoulder but managed to keep the car from going down into the bar ditch. Barely survived.
Grandma huffs and says, "That's the diff'rnce 'tween you and me. Idda hit that sonofabitch HEAD ON!" \*spit*
I would read a whole blog with nothing but stories of your grandmother.
She was one of a kind.
She wrapped paper plates in saran wrap to reuse them. I'm not sure on the tradeoff there.
She'd once heard the phrase, "He's so tight he kept a rock in his pocket to save on shoe leather." Now, don't worry if that confuses you. You see, people used to strike matches against the bottom of their leather shoe soles, because matches didn't have a striking pad on the side.
But she liked this so much, she kept a rock with her just in case.
When she made her famous banana nut bread, she had these tiny loaf pans, and she'd make each of the kids their very own loaf.
She could peel an apple with a paring knife in under 10 seconds with the peel in one long piece.
She'd then scrape a spoon across the surface of the apple to make "apple sauce" to hand feed me even when I was old enough to feed myself.
She wouldn't go to the storm cellar until it was an honest to god Tornado Warning, and if it was reported as anything under an F3, she wouldn't even do that.
She was fearless, and she expected the same from every adult, but she was usually disappointed. She swatted wasps with her open palm, and anyone who'd been afraid of the wasp, she'd pick it up and flick it at 'em.
She didn't have a lot of rules, but she enforced them with vigor.
No singing at the dinner table. First warning, she'd pop her teeth out and sit 'em on her napkin. The threat was, keep singing and you can get your own pair of these.
Shirts must be worn at the dinner table. This gravy is hot and it'd be a damn shame if you suffered terrible burns when she dumped it on your half-nekkid idiot self.
And whatever you do, never pick your nose. She'd roll up a newspaper and thwack you with it the fist time, but the second time she'd just backhand you... pretty much driving your own finger up your nose. I never had that happen to me, but I didn't think my cousin would ever stop bleeding.
All of her most violent punishments were reserved for "adults." She figured adulthood started at around 15.
Kids would get spankings. She'd have you go pick your own switch, and then she'd beat your ass with it. But whatever you did, you didn't want to refuse. She'd skip the switch and haul out the razor strop. This long, thick piece of leather used to sharpen straight razors.
Trust me, you wanted the switch. The strop was brutal.
Okay, so you realize at this point you’re gonna have tp publish a book of “shit my grandma did” at this point right?
One week before my younger sister's wedding, my dad decided to call myself, both my sisters, and my mother (his ex-wife) to meet at his house for something "very important he needed to tell us." We all thought he had cancer or something. We were very worried. Once we were all there, he sobbingly confessed to having a 5 year old son living in the town next to ours, which means the kid was conceived and born while my parents were still married. He claimed he didn't know for sure that the kid was his, and he had only recently gotten a DNA test. He showed us a picture of our half-brother. He looks EXACTLY like my dad. My mother was devastated.
Due to 23&Me, my Dad learned that his recently deceased father was not his biological father.
It wasn’t a situation related to my grandma cheating either, it was a sperm donation. So, they knew this was the case his entire life.
Pretty crazy they never told him, his parents did not pass until he was ~65 years old.
Talk about a curveball.
Sperm donation was very secretive in the past, sometimes even a secret from the perospective dad bc there was such stigma around male infertility
I just commented else where in this thread about something very similar.
One of my friends did 23 and Me and discovered she had 185 half siblings she didn't know about.
The fertility doctor her mom had gone to was just using his own sperm and not telling anyone if a couple was having trouble conceiving because of the father.
What's even crazier is that apparently he was not the only fertility doctor doing this. A couple of other "super clusters" of siblings have been found because of DNA testing. In most cases the parents had no idea this had happened until their kids got DNA testing done.
This is the ultimate form of narcissism.
This is years ago, and I only got a few rough details, but my baby mama's dad wound up getting caught in a sting trying to purchase a teenage girl. He had a separate apartment all set up, transferred the funds and when he went to the "delivery" meet, was arrested by the feds.
My dad fathered a child in highschool. His side of the family knew, and my mom. We found out years after he died that we have a half-sister.
A buddy of mine met a girl at a bar. They totally hit it off. He told his parents about her and his Dad took him outside and told him not to date her because she was his half sister.
Okay, buckle up. I've recounted this story before, but this comment resonated. Here's how we found out.
Dad got a girl pregnant and she decided to go it alone. She moved across the state and had my half-sister. She met a guy, married, and he raised her like she was his own. They had no other children. She didn't reveal my dad's identity until after he died.
Apparently, she contacted my Grandma and Mom, but they kept it from us. Years later, half-sister has a kid with medical issues and needs to know family medical history. She contacts mom and grandma, who, again don't tell us.
Meanwhile, after Dad died, my uncle had prints made of a favorite picture of dad. He gets them framed and gives them to all us kids, as well as my grandma, aunt's and uncles. Mom gets a picture to our half-sister after their secret meeting.
Fast forward another few years. My brother and his roommate live in a nearby large city and hit a bar and pick up and bring home some ladies to "sleep over".
The next morning, my half-sister sees a photo of my dad on the mantle, turns white, and asks "Who's picture is that?"
"That's my roommates dad. He died a long time ago."
"I need to talk to your roommate."
She lived her entire life across the state. Hundreds of miles. Her friend was going to school in a large city near our hometown. She was visiting, and they decided to go to bar. They get picked up by my brother and his roommate. That's how we found out.
My brother went to my grandma and asked about her, and grandma first denied it, then gave in and spilled the beans.
It’s frightening to think about how close she might’ve been to sleeping with the roommate instead! (Meaning, your brother)
Same, met my half brother around ten years ago. He’s ten years and two days older me and a great example of nature over nurture. He’s exactly like us!
Nature vs nurture is interesting to me. I have the opposite experience, sort of. My daughter is not mine biologically, but I've raised her since she was 3 months old. She's going to be 13 this summer. The child walks, talks, and acts so much like me. My wife jokes that my genetics passed to her just by being around me. And it's too funny to see a stranger's reaction when she calls me dad, because I'm white as a ghost and she is black as night. Lol. I love that little brat to death.
After my grandfather passed, we found out he had fathered a child when he was posted in Italy during WWII.
He never knew. His mother intercepted any letters from the Italian girl. He came home, met and married my grandmother and had 4 children.
I forget who in the family found out and how. It's crazy to think we have a whole Italian family out there!
Edit: Went to sleep and woke up to crazy notifications!
Thanks for the awards. To clarify I'm in the UK, not that it's relevant to the story.
My oldest aunt is 77 so this 'kid' would be at least 79 by now I would think. We've considered doing the DNA testing but some family members aren't comfortable with how those companies could use the information.
It's a really sad story, but if his mother hadn't intercepted the letters, I wouldn't exist. It's a weird place to be in emotionally!
Imagine that Italian girl sending letters and believing someday a reply will come... thinking about it makes me sad
My sister cheated on her husband throughout her entire marriage to the point that all three of her kids have different biological fathers.
That’s close to mine! Sister cheated on hers for 10 yrs. The guy she finally left her husband for was a PA involved with theft/sale of prescription meds and ended up being the killer in a murder-suicide 2 yrs later with his co-conspirator.
Each sentence was wilder than the next.
Edit meant to say last.
Add another sentence!
That's like the reverse of mamma Mia
Papa someone else-a
Is one of them from her husband?
We think the oldest is, but she rushed into her marriage because we come from a religious family and she thought she might have been pregnant from her last relationship. Her oldest was born almost exactly 9 months after she got married
My mother often had stories like:
"At your age, we got up at 4am to work on the farm, after the job, we went home to have lunch with your grandfather, then we walked 10km to go to school, and when we were back , we used to work in the field in a tractor until it was 6pm to go and cook dinner for your grandfather."
And me like "Yeah but ... he didn't work the farm with you in the morning?" and she was changing the subject.
I learned in Easter that my grandfather was alcoholic, got drunk every night, didn't get up in the morning to go to work, or was in fake jobs to lie to the family and go to drink, while the children had to go. in elementary school and manage a farm.
Then he was in prison because he touched the neighbour's children.
When he got out of prison, he took out a loan of $ 30,000 in my grandmother's name, and ran away with the money.
Then he died a few years later.
My grandmother bought herself an used Ford LTD, and no one cried at the funeral. 30 years later, I learn who my grandfather was.
That my grandfather was an atomic soldier. Instead of sending him to fight in the Korean war, they sent him to Nevada, where (after having him turn away from the initial flash) he witnessed the mushroom cloud. After that was over, he was ordered to march to the detonation point, where he was unwittingly exposed to high amounts of radiation.
Luckily for my family, my grandpa is now in his 90s (even after a few cancer scares) and the rest of us (my mom, aunt, cousins, sister, and I) are cancer-free and fairly healthy, but this is medical information that we really should have known earlier!
I remember watchting a documentary about sailors who were made to experience an atomic blast. They sat on the deck of a ship while it was blasted out at sea.
The old man said he put his hand in front of his closed eyes to sheild them but could still see the bones in his hand like an X ray through his skin and eyelids.
Edit: here's the link if anyone now interested
Then they brought those ships back to San Francisco to "clean" them, which was basically stripping off the paint and burying it in the ground. Still dealing with the contamination to this day.
That's crazy to think about.
Yeah. Also the contractor the Navy chose to remediate the contamination then falsified records and data that it was cleaned up so they built houses and someone found a radium deck marker in their backyard. Those men are in jail now.
The most surprising part about this story is that the contractors went to jail.
My aunt wasn't my grandfather's child. He met my granny when my aunt was a very sick infant, she had polio and wasn't expected to survive. My grandad married my granny so she could get on his insurance and move to an area that had proper medical support. My aunt was the first infant to survive open heart surgery at Yale new haven hospital, and although she had to be in leg braces most of her childhood, she had a great (although not long enough) life. My grandad loved her like she was his own, and I never knew until she went to her bio dad's funeral when I was a teenager.
Editing to say: thank you to everyone who's shared their family stories or left a comment. I've spent the whole evening reminiscing and sharing stories I haven't really told in a long time, and that really means a lot. Thank you so much to everyone who's given an award, or left an upvote. I haven't been able to comment on everyone's stories but I've read them all and deeply appreciate them. This has been the highlight of my week!
Thats honestly a really nice story
I needed this lovely story after all the other stories of cheating and heartbreak. What a delightful palate cleanser.
He was such a good man, I miss him a ton. He reminded me a lot of Robert Duvall, and when I get to missing him too much I put on any old western. It's like I'm sitting in the den watching it with him. I miss my auntie too, she was 4'8" and never let anyone talk down to her. She would grab a stepstool whenever she needed to discipline us kids, and she LOVED Aretha Franklin. She wore so much jewelry she sparkled, and when she hugged you her earrings would dig into your cheek. I don't remember what perfume she wore, but it was one specific type and when I smell it, it's like she never left us.
This is beautiful. They sound like absolutely wonderful people.
I'm sorry for your loss
That's heartbreaking she had to go through that
One of my former employees told me the story of her wife: wife shot and killed her dad when she was a teen. He had been molesting her and her sister, but judge and jury didn’t see it as self defense since he was sleeping when she shot him. She served time in prison for the murder, but got out and had her record expunged due to various circumstances including inadequate counsel from a public defender. Then she went to law school, graduated at the top of her class, and is now a lawyer in a large metro area and does a ton of pro Bono work for kids in similar situations.
Edit: a word.
My son was her classmate in law school... doubtful there is another person w this story. She got out as the governor commuted her sentence but she is still a convicted murderer in the eyes of the law. She had to petition the state bar to be eligible to take the bar. They allowed and she got her license
She’s a public figure and has appeared on Nancy Grace ( has her own Wikipedia page). Son said she’s a really nice lady. Hope she’s doing well. She deserves it.
Yep, that’s her! She’s awesome!
When my mother fell ill and I took over her finances I found thousands of pounds of gambling debt on her credit cards. Then I found adoption papers for a child she’d had before me that she’d never mentioned. Then another family member told me my dad didn’t die in a car crash but committed suicide in prison.
Damn, that's a lot... I hope you're doing well
Thank you, I’m doing fine. My mother died from her illness and I found the adoption papers the day before the funeral and I got told about my dad on the day of the funeral. Before that I thought we were really normal very boring people.
What happened to the adopted child?
Don’t know. She kept his birth certificate and there was a letter from solicitors saying she was late in signing the adoption papers, so she obviously had second thoughts about giving him up.
My Grandmother had a gambling addiction too. She ended up having to sell her nice big house and move to a retirement apartment. She still ended up in massive debt when she passed.
I inherited a lot of her things and turns out, a good amount of her decor came from casinos. That's when I really knew how bad she truly was.
Honestly, your post made me do a double take because my Grandfather died in a car accident. I'm just pretty sure I would have heard about anything different by now haha.
Grandpa was a serious Nazi German war criminal
Curious. Did he get a military pension? Did any German WW2 vets get pensions from the German government?
Yes he did, check my reply here: https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/n5mj47/_/gx2mxu5/?context=1
My mother had a child when she was a teenager, and she had given him up for adoption to a family. After this, she went to college, got her degree, married my father, and gave birth to my 4 siblings and myself. ~30 years after giving her child up for adoption, I remember her getting a phone call and immediately locking herself in her room. I was about 12 at the time. I remember feeling scared because I could hear my mom crying, but she didn’t want to see anybody or talk about why she was crying.
On an evening later that week, my parents sat each of us kids down and told us about my mom’s past and explained that my half-brother had reached out to my mom wanting to meet her and get to know her. My dad had known ever since he and mom were dating in college, and I believe my oldest sister had been told previous to this point. But the rest of my siblings and myself and all of the in-laws on my dad side (my grandma, aunts, and uncles etc.) didn’t know about this part of her past. We are fairly religious/conservative, so it was really shocking at first.
My mom then flew out to the state where my half brother lived with her sisters and met him. Both my mom and my half brother were both very nervous about the whole thing, but by the end of their trip meeting each other, they got to rebuild a relationship. After a bit of time, we (my siblings and I) got to meet him too.
Fast forwarding to now, he’s since moved to our same state and we see him much more frequently. He’s in all of our family pictures, we see him occasionally for holidays and birthdays, and we all see him as part of our family. We’re a very close-knit and extroverted family, while he is much shyer, so at times he’s can be a bit more distant than we would like, but we give him his space. I know my mom stays in close touch with him, and we love it when he’s able to make it for family dinners and whatnot.
Back then, I was the youngest and (up til then) the only boy in my family, so I loved learning that I had an older brother. Now that I’m an adult, I sometimes get his old clothes because were roughly the same size. He’s got good taste too so I really lucked out haha. I love that this family secret was spilled and that we were able to welcome my brother into our family and have him in our lives.
one of the few wholesome ones here for sure awee
Haha. My overbearingly proud "Irish" friend turned out to just be regular ass English like the rest of us. She's still bitter about it.
I had something similar! We can trace my family back 4+ generations in Italy. I got a 23andme, not Italian. My whole family was trying to figure out who cheated or who was switched at birth until another family member got the test. Apparently we are from a village that has 90% Swedish-ancestry residents.
A good friend of mine grew up thinking she was like 1/4 Native American. One of her siblings did the DNA thing. 0%.
Wife is the opposite. She was brought up thinking she was Spanish from Spain, and just has olive skin that tans easily. Turns out her DNA is 1/4 native. Her mom, who was adopted, shows 1/2. Wife's biological grandma was tracked down and said it was a random hookup in Cali in the 60s, and she thought he was Hispanic. Didn't know his name or anything.
Mine too. Our Cherokee was black lol. Had a cousin try to fight me for that.
Pretty common. My family had a similar experience. I saw on Finding Your Roots I think it was, that "part cherokee" was an attempt to hide african ancestry.
My grandma had a daughter she gave up for adoption before she married my grandpa and had their 4 kids. The daughter found my family through distant cousins or something and my grandpa was like “Cool! More family!” But my grandma wants nothing to do with her and told my mom and aunt that they aren’t to contact the daughter until she dies.
My grandmother was my grandfather's babysitter for his first wife.
Last week I discovered that my dad died two years ago ... And no one bothered to tell me.
I'd been looking for him. He was something off a drifter and most likely had Asperger's. I'm his only child.
I stumbled across his headstone on findagrave.com while digging through Ancestry.
His marker was labeled "beloved brother". My aunts and uncles are pieces of shit ... I'm not hard to find. I don't even know how he died. He died alone though. VA paid for his burial.
I'm not okay.
Edit: thank you to everyone who's been so kind. I'm still processing the whole thing so I'm not ready to confront my relatives.
My dad was a good guy. He had his demons and my mother was one of them. Our estrangement wasnt his fault. I'm my father's daughter, and I say that proudly. I'm a veteran like he was, I'm a writer like he was, and I'm autistic as well... I understand the gaps in contact.
He was kind, smart, sarcastic and just a good guy. He loved baseball and metal detecting.
On find a grave his name is Simon Leslie Wright, Jr. He died Feb 12, 2019. (I was asked for his name so someone could leave virtual flowers)
I dont know if you're interested, but as his biological child you're able to get a death certificate from the state he passed in. It would tell you his date, and cause of death.
I am so sorry for your loss
First, I'm sorry, it sucks to find out that way and it sucks that you found out that way.
Second, I'm a Veteran, I have friends across the country that are veterans, I can reach out to active duty, guard, reserves, VFW, American Legion. I am sure that if you want something done, a flag laid, a wreath, a trinket, if you want a flag folded over his grave, anything like that, it can be arranged. Just reach out when you're ready.
I guess that's another reason why my ass is so chapped. I'm a veteran, too. He was Army (vietnam) and I was Navy (Desert Storm).
I should have been there.
Uncle had tried to commit suicide over a love triangle. He survived.
Edit: since so many people have been asking, he survived, and left the country afterwards. This was a huge hush hush story and ironically, I heard it from my aunt, who was the woman with whom he was in love with. Yes, I’m from one of those countries where cousins can legally get married, but it is discouraged due to the obvious. But yes, from what I was told, he changed into a bit of religious freak afterwards. And no one ever spoke of what happened ever again.
Turns out my grandma had a secret affair and my mom is an illegitimate child.
This completely shattered grandma and mom's relationship until gran passed away about a month ago.
Also apparently I'm a quarter Iranian.
EDIT: Fuck's sake, how many more of you are going to read "Iranian" as "lesbian?"
So turns out one of my cousins was actually a different aunt child but she couldn't/wouldn't raise him so another aunt adopted him to keep him in the family. Only my mother and her siblings knew this until his biological mom was dying of cancer and they decided to reveal it. It was really shitty. Especially because he has a biological sister that was little more than a long distant cousin. He was around 24 when this all came out.
I started having problems with my teeth. Spontaneous abscess that resulted in multiple root canals. My dentist did some looking into what the cause might be and found some really odd abnormalities with my incisors roots and nerves ( the teeth that had been afflicting me)...so he sent out requests for help to a couple of professors he knew in the field. When my next appointment came up he was really quiet for a bit before verbally stumbling about... It turns out that what was happening with my teeth was a classic sign of inbreeding and he was super uncomfortable giving me the news. I brought it up to my mom and she just was like: "Oh well yeah, didn't you know?" WTF!? of course I didn't know!!! Turns out that not very far back in the family tree, several of my relatives decided that it was a good idea to get married to one another....and no one bothered to mention it...ever. The small town where I live is 85% my relatives, no joke. I hadn't even met all of them, that's how many there are.
Edited for clarification:
I had made a big point of going far away from my hometown to meet my husband ( married 12 years this june) because I was afraid of having children with someone that might be my cousin. Only to find out 5 years after we had been married that I was in fact a product of inbreeding. My husband and I are not related at all.
I did not expect this to blow up, I honestly thought that It would just get lost.
Thank you for the awards!
***I will try to answer some questions here....***
\- my teeth look normal. nothing special about them, no crowding, nicely spaced. Pretty normal teeth. I didn't take what the dentist said really all that seriously and figured that what the proff said was maybe just a theory rather than fact. Maybe just correlation rather than causation. Then I told my mom....
\- All of my lower incisors have split roots with split nerves. The nerves are in a V shape instead of just straight. There are cavities in my chin around the nerves, so if I get a slight bump on the chin the inflammation can cause an infection...I pretty much end up looking like a sexy female version of Brian Mulroney !
\- I found out about this after I had been married for around 5 years.
\- I am from Ontario Canada. I won't say where because you might be my cousin.
\- both my mother's side and my father's side came from small towns where the population was predominantly family. i.e. the families had lived there since the town had been settled. So there is a good chance that there had been some inter cousin shenanigan's on both sides, though no names from my mothers side showed up in my fathers family tree.
\- so far 23andme says that I have a little over 1500 relatives scattered across Canada and the USA and only 17 in the UK. Mostly my fathers side is in the USA ( which surprised me), while my mothers side is mostly in Canada. But that's only people that have taken the test, there still could be more!
Damn! So not just one couple? That’s rough.
Did you do further genetic testing?
Not really. I did 23andme a while ago, but it didn't have anything significant.
My mom just kind of said that it was on her side of the family and left it at that.
I did a lot of research about my husband's family after I found out that they came from around my area, which was crazy to me considering I went 6 hours away to go to school (where I met him). Thankfully, we are not related!
> classic sign of inbreeding
> her side of the family
That doesn't narrow anything down.
Actually that side of the family tree is *very* narrow.
And here I thought getting judged for my cavities was stressful.
My 10 years older than me brother molested me when I was 2 (he was 12). It came out when he was doing his AA amends and he told me. My parents knew and he knew obviously, but my other brother, sister, and I didn’t know until 10 years later when my brother decided to get sober.
Right after my grandma passed away, we found out she had a secret son she gave up for adoption (thanks ancestry.com!). Crazy thing is, my wife just found out she has an uncle nobody ever knew about from her dads side! (Thank you 23andme!). These ancestry sites are wrecking things lol
Sounds like what those ancestry sites are doing is proving our parents/grandparents are a bunch of horny liars.
My maternal great grandmother did not like Norwegians and went to her deathbed insisting she was full-blooded Swedish. My father is half Norwegian, so he and my mom got a lot of flak from her. It was mostly in good fun, but it could get to my dad. After she passed, my grandfather (her son) revealed that she was a quarter Norwegian. So my father, the “half-breed”, was no more Norwegian than her own father.
A cousin in my family had been secretly stalking/harassing another cousin for like 3 years, to a really bad degree. He eventually admitted it, however didn't face any consequences.
Never gave any good reason for it at all and didn't even know the other cousin very well, he just randomly decided to start doing it. A lot of family was in denial over it because he seemed like a nice guy.
Moms uncle hanged himself in the basement. Family (kids) found him...
My wife's mother's family (in rural Iowa) had a schism within the family around inherited farm land. So growing up, when she visited grandma for two weeks in the summer, she never knew about 2nd - 3rd cousins living in that small town. My wife found out when we started using Ancestry and tracing family. Not a huge secret but interesting long standing family feud.
It's my wife's family, but it goes like this:
A great aunt was one of the family's only survivors of the Holocaust back in WW2. Other than her, were her brother and sister one of which grew up to be my wife's grandparent. (I can't remember which. I never met them.) The siblings were much younger then. So, they didn't remember much.
Well, the great aunt ends up writing a book about her experience fleeing the country to escape the Nazis. In it, she details the death of several family members during a march through a blizzard. Real dramatic stuff.
Well, it turned out many years after her death later, my wife's dad gets a letter from one of the dead relatives. It turns out the great aunt *didn't like* the two family members who "died" in her book. They had just parted ways at some point during the escape.
She wrote them out of the family in her book and took the secret to her grave. Fortunately, their last name is very unique in the world, because of how many of them didn't survive the Holocaust. So, once the "dead" relatives started searching the U.S., they popped up right away. This happened about 3 years ago, I think.
Hungarian grudges are legendary.
Relative did not just fall off a bridge with her baby, she jumped. It seems obvious in hindsight but they reported it differently both in the news and to younger family members.
Edit- wow this blew up! I just want to say it's been weirdly really nice reading all of the comments here. I knew this was common in a hush hush way but never the stories of other real people like this.
I use to work in a field dealing with suicide prevention and even though some may see the passing as a result of suicide, a lot of family members and loved ones have a very difficult time coping with the idea that the victim passed due to these circumstances, esp when children are involved. This is not uncommon to report differently as it is not something a lot families are able to come to terms with and understandably. I am really sorry to hear about your relative, though, and I hope some of the wounds have somewhat healed over time.
Edit: WHOA! I didn't not expect so many people to respond with their personal stories and experiences. I am sorry I haven't gotten around to replying to everyone. Also thank you for the awards! Today has been a rough one so to see so many people sharing, having legitimate, civil conversations and just overall the sheer amount to amazing people seriously brings happiness to my day even if this is such a sad topic.
I’ve heard that with auto-erotic asphyxiation, the family is more likely to report it as suicide because the truth is too embarrassing. Interesting to see how people cope with death so differently.
My father died I was 17. At the funeral home during a viewing a young lady and her boyfriend showed up, she was probably two or three years olderr than me. Nobody recognized her so she was asked why she was there, she stated she was there to see her father. My siblings and I are naturally confused, our mom is just standing there shaking her head, my uncles ask her to leave, she leaves crying in her boyfriend's arms. Our mother takes us to a private area and explains our father had an affair years ago and that was our step sister. I never heard any more about her, never learned her name, have never met her. I would like to meet her and apologize for my family. Seeing her rejected and crying because she couldn't even attend a viewing for her dead father bothers me to this day, and this was over 40 years ago.
Edit: As pointed out, it would be my half sister not step sister.
When I was in my early 20s I got a very distressed call from my mother.
It turns out my uncle (married for many years and father of 3 adult children) was in the hospital for trying to commit suicide.
He had tried to commit suicide by overdosing on his antidepressants.
He was on antidepressants because he was depressed that he was HIV+.
He was HIV+ because he had been having sex with male sex workers.
Everything was kept hush hush and my uncle and aunt remain married to this day, 10+ years later. I don't have contact with my family anymore for other reasons so I haven't seen my uncle for over 5 years but I'm glad HIV medications have come such a long way.
I've got two: (1.) My uncle sexually molested his sisters (my mom, my 4 aunts), when they were between the ages of 9 - 16. He did the same thing to my cousins (his own effing daughters *and* sons) when they were that same age. He was also a religious leader in his church, sooo... Who knows how many more victims he had.
(2.) My grandfather "started a business" in Mexico, and he moved down there (while staying married to my grandmother). He never allowed anyone to visit, because "it was too dangerous." Yeah.... He married some Mexican chick and started a new family (had 3 more kids). We didn't find out until after he died, when his son reached out to tell us the news.
How do people with kids have time (and money) for a whole second family? I don’t even have the time for my own family.
I grew up in a Mexican family and have 2 younger cousins. My aunt married another Latino guy who basically looked white. The oldest child was a girl and came out looking exactly like her dad- full stop.
The second was a boy and came out looking like.... his mom? Maybe? He was dark dark. Like, I’m half-Black and this kid is darker than me. But his mom was pretty brown as well. So we thought nothing of it. Kid looks like his mom.
Well fast forward 16 years later. They’re divorced and hate each other. The daughter was always treated like a princess- the boy was rather spoiled too but very much sought out his dads approval- which he just wasn’t getting. He couldn’t figure out why. He’s acting out, getting in trouble, running with gangs. Boohoos about his dad all the time.
Well ‘dad’ had enough and flat-out told him, ‘you’re not my kid. You’re mom is a hoe, and I don’t know ‘who’ your dad is’. He even was kind enough to offer up a paternity test. His mother never said shit about it. She took the ostrich approach and hoped it would go away.
We know now his dad was a Pacific Islander- and while there IS one who has always been a family friend for many years, he took a paternity test too and was completely cleared.
So the mystery remains on who she cheated on her ex with. She says she doesn’t even know.
How is the boy doing now?
my mom and dad were addicted to crack before they had me - my mom did crack while pregnant with me
We found out my papa had a gambling problem and put my gram in a lot of unknown debt when he passed away. I'm talking secret home leans, unpaid taxes, the works, and my gram had zero idea of any of it. Thankfully all of their kids are well off and were able to pay it off for her and set her up for life, but she had a hard time coping for a while.
Grandma admitted on her deathbed that her maiden name wasn't Asher (English), it was Oscher (Jewish). Confirmed by DNA testing my dad.
Edit: My grandfather was off-the-boat Irish, so my dad spent his entire life thinking he was half English and half Irish. The DNA test said 49% Irish, 50% Ashkenazi, so grandma was as ethnically Jewish as can be. In retrospect, my dad and grandma had a set of about 20 Yiddish words that they'd use in casual conversation, but we always assumed that was just a Queens thing.
My grandmother had an affair with the gynecologist who delivered my dad. We found some of the letters they exchanged years after she died. The best part? His name was Dr. TACTILE.
I found out when I was 12 that my dad wasn’t my biological father. I was around 14 when I learned my aunt’s deceased husband used to abuse her. I was around 18 when I learned my mother had told my dad’s mom that my grandfather molested her and my aunts.
Edit: For clarification, my mom met my dad while already pregnant with me. She didn’t cheat. My biological dad was an on-again off-again fling
Also, my grandfather was my mom’s dad. My mom told my dad’s mom about it, who told me after my mom passed
I found out 2 years before my dad died that he'd had sex with underage girls when he ran a dry cleaning business. They worked there and he'd sleep with them while my mom ran the shop. He also had sex with my oldest brother's gf when she was 16, got her addicted to coke then made her become a prostitute so he could make money.
Then he spent the next 30 years cheating on my mom and beating me. The only child he hit out of 6 kids.
Rot in hell you piece of shit.
Wow. I didn't know him obviously, but I also wish on your behalf that he rots in hell.
When my dad was about 18 he got into an argument with his younger brother (my uncle, bit of a dick now, about 15 at the time) ended the argument by telling my dad that his dad wasnt his biological father.
He confronted my nan and the truth came out. The worst part was the whole village knew but not my dad.
Mad respect for my grandad though, he married a woman who already had a child in the 50's. Something which was quite controversial back then.
My great grandfather married a woman, had 2 children, and she died suddenly. He married another woman who raised the other 3 and had 2 children with her. She died in childbirth. Then he married my great grandmother who not only acted as a mother to the other five children but breastfed the baby who survived the birth! Then my great grand parents had 7 children together!
I give great grandma a hell of a lot of credit!
My dad passed away 2 years ago. He and my mom were married for 34 years. He was a good dad and husband, I have no ill-memories of him.
Just found out that for the middle 10 years he was living a double life and had many mistresses on the side.
Now my whole childhood feels like a sham. I don't know what was real and what was fabricated.
Found out that one of my cousins was really my aunt.
My maternal grandmother married my grandfather. My grandfather slept with my grandmother's sister(my great aunt). My great aunt gave birth to my cousin/aunt.
I tried to keep the explanation short.
My mom's mother was actually her grandmother while her oldest sister was in fact her bio mom! Apparently my mom's bio mom got pregnant at 18, unwed, and her parents covered it up by sending her away until she gave birth and pretending they had a new baby. Her dad was a military officer and this was in the 1940s so it was considered really shameful (thus the cover up). My mom had no clue because no one knew, the ones who knew didn't tell her, and her birth certificate was falsified. How did this all come to light? In 8th grade, I had to do a family history project. My mom called some of her relatives to help me out. One of her cousins, who is much older, accidentally let some information slip, which led to my mom suspecting the circumstances of her birth/identity. My mom confronted her bio mom (who I knew as my aunt) and it was upsetting for them both. Her bio mom was shamed and told to keep quiet about the whole situation by her parents, while my mom was raised by parents who treated her horribly (my mom always said that growing up, she felt like she was unwanted). Now, my mom feels relieved because her childhood makes a lot more sense now. She and her bio mom were always close, and were raised as sisters, and fortunately they are speaking again and my mom visited her last week!
My grandad was born out of wedlock and was raised by his auntie who already had 2 daughters. His real mum had to live in the same house as her son and pretend she was his aunt.
The family have always had suspicions but it wasn't confirmed until my grandad was 72, at which point all the family that had the truth were dead.
My Dad was married before he married my mom and i have a sister out there that nobody speaks about or will answer any questions