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sqwerewolf

Oh my god, I'd kick you out of my van for that and I'm not even kidnapping you. I don't have a van either. I can't drive.


reddicyoulous

Why? What is wrong?


ababyprostitute

Are you mad at me? Are you sure? I feel like you're mad at me


maowoo

TIL I kidnapped my wife


LVSugarBebe

Or “What are you thinking?”


Comrade_Wolfissimo8

My theory on how Kim Jong-un is actually both gay and Remy from Ratatouille


[deleted]

As someone with a deep interest in the DPRK, I am signed up and fully paid in advance for your lecture. You have my full attention.


Comrade_Wolfissimo8

So I don’t have full proof on either, but I’ve seen that Kim Jong-un has a ton of interest in cheese, rats also like cheese, he’s also very short, like a rat, also, have you noticed how big his front teeth are like a rodent’s? And because he’s also human like, Remy is also anthropomorphic, Kim Jong-un would be an anthropomorphic rat, so he is Remy And how he’s gay, he hates his wife, and in those photos with female soldiers hugging his arms? They’re showing affection to him, and he doesn’t react, like he doesn’t like women. Also how at the Trump-Kim summit, Trump announced to the soldiers that him and Kimmy were in love, so yea. He is accordingly both gay and Remy from Ratatouille


[deleted]

I feel a dramatic shift in my world view happening as we speak.


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aue_sum

"I use a distribution of GNU/Linux called Arch"


post_pig

I'm convinced that Linux is a cult because always when I meet someone who uses Linux they are like: "hello would you like to talk about Lord and savior superior open-source system? It's much better than windows and you should use it right now because it's amazing and free"


maczirarg

But it's not only free as in a free beer, it's free as in freedom! You can take the source code and study it, modify it and even post your modifications so all the community may benefit, not just you. This allows for the evolution of technology much more than a closed source system like Windows or OSX. And do you know about the Linux kernel? Let me tell you about it (...)


CRO553R

Henry VIII...second verse, same as the first!


CookingWithDahmer85

I got married to the widow next door, she's been married 7 times before


SoppyWaffle

Warhammer 40k


victor_mata

I knew I would find this comment


pazdziernik

You should start with explaining each primarch and legion in their order. Like Lion El'Johnosn (without any link to actual real life Lion El Johnson) and the ouroboros cycle on Caliban. But first we must speak about what Demons are to explain the ouroboros. But for that we need to speak about warp. But before that we might start with the war in the heavens. Oh and the Old Ones. Fuck it let's start again by explaining what Primarch is. Though we must discuss the Emperor or the dark ages of technology I think? Shit let me start again. So you know dune right? Wait you don't know? So there was this author, Frank Herbert who tried to write for those pulp sci-fi... Wait maybe let's start about how come sci-fi came to being through "Frankenstein or the modern prometheus" You know prometheus right? No? Oh boy let me tell you about the ancient history a bit. What we're we talking about again?


your_grumpy_neighbor

The Horus Heresy to be specific...


Zulanjo

If you start the explanation chronologically you'll get thrown out of the van right around the time you get to the Great Crusade.


oncenightvaler

the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, I would recite my Vogon poetry.


The-Daleks

You do realize that they can't let you out if they're dead, right?


Controlled_Pair

Well, not without the proper forms and authorization anyways.


MidwestMid80sChild

“Ode to a Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning.”


CassandraVindicated

Lego. "Oh, this one piece only came in one set issued in 1984. It was a limited edition set, so there weren't that many to start with, but a lot of pieces from that era are now lost or in landfills. So it only comes up for sale from time to time, usually at auction. One sold in 2003 for $72 buck! Can you believe that? $72 for a single lego piece. Anyway, everytime I buy used legos, I always check for that piece...Oh, there's other pieces like that too. It isn't just the one piece. There was another piece, well actually a minifigure, that was all gold. Not like that fake plastic looking gold, but actually shiny. Wait, where are you going? Guys? Hey, I'm almost done...you gotta here the rest. Guys?


WalmartGreder

Can you describe said piece? What makes it so special?


[deleted]

Yeah, I really need to know now!!


Adler4290

Hell yeah peaked my interest too! Edit: Found it guys! ... , it WAS/is the goat from 7189! https://www.brickfanatics.com/legos-designers-know-the-goat-is-coveted-but-cant-bring-it-back/


NeverEnufWTF

My wife's uncle worked for LEGO when they first came to the US, and he has a case of one-off LEGO that, let's be honest, most LEGO fans would straight up murder him for. Yes, he has the goat.


you_my_meat

At first I thought this meant “the greatest lego of all time.”


magikchikin

“[...] You see, everyone just uses the shield wrong, you don’t always need it out. You can deflect skeleton arrows, and even creeper blasts! It’s totally worth the 16th of the screen you lose while you have it equipped. And infinity? What a joke! Get a fletcher or a skeleton spawner and you’re set for life, why *not* just add mending into the mix? And don’t even get me started on how much more people should be using potions. You know, instant harming II can direc-“ /s


[deleted]

".... Wait I wasn't done! Arrows of harming only work with bows from power I to III since the damage cap is hardcoded at 12! So the arrow of harming makes up for the difference if the arrow would deal less than 12 damage, though a great way to shotgun any monster out of existence would be to load multiple crossbows and quickly switc-"


Red_Ranger75

Every single mistake they made in the planning and execution of said kidnapping


sylinmino

Like Iroh in ATLA! Iroh: "What are you doing?" Mugger: "I'm mugging you!" Iroh: "With that *stance*?"


Red_Ranger75

Never has a more flattering comparison been made


[deleted]

My cat’s gambling addiction.


ToxDoc

I kind of want to hear about it. Can your cat throw dice or does your cat go more for gambling apps?


[deleted]

Probably just a big fan of claw machines.


wetchinchilla

My cat.


WeedWizard420xxxX

Id be glad to listen. Whats up with your cat.


wetchinchilla

She's an utter gremlin who started off as a rescue who spent a week hiding under my sink. Now she knows how to open doors by pulling down on things hanging off the doorknob and tries to get into any and every garbage can possible. https://imgur.com/WMan4iO.jpg


[deleted]

Such a fluffy butt!


wetchinchilla

When I first adopted her from the rescue, she was listed as a domestic shorthair, and looked the part. Time has proven that was utterly false. Edit: HOLY SHIT THANK YOU GOLDBRO


EmpireofAzad

My D&D campaign.


Rheider

There is nothing more interesting than your own DnD campaign. There is nothing less interesting than someone else's DnD campaign. Edit: Man this blew up. This one post got more karma than several years of reddit lurking! For all the comments about CR and other DnD streams: I would argue that watching an entire game is different from hearing someone talk about their campaign. Someone just talking about their campaign is not gonna be able to add all the context, nuance and atmosphere that you get from either playing in a campaign or watching the entirety of a campaign.


LoremasterSTL

Except someone else's fantasy sports team, but in the same neighborhood.


Nikcara

Some of my friends have awesome stories for their D&D games that are fun to listen to. That said, the vast majority of D&D games aren’t fun to hear about even if they’re a blast to play.


snooggums

It is far more likely that they are fun to listen to because of how they are told.


Mysterious-Relation1

I would prolly keep you to hear more about it tbh


EmpireofAzad

So I started off by telling the players they could be any character from reality or fiction, 5e rules, with one caveat. They couldn’t discuss their choices with the other players. At one point two players both wanted to play GLaDOS, which was workable but a surprise. We ended up with an *interesting* selection.


[deleted]

I don't know what any of this means but I upvoted.


EmpireofAzad

Possibly the one thing that’ll keep me talking longer than my campaign is helping people understand D&D! Also the other campaign I’m running set in feudal Japan.


Killerhase24

Since you seem to be experienced, any tips on not getting burned out on characters quickly? I had one session with my new character and i already have an idea i like more like a week later Edit: thx for all the replies and tips, dnd really has a great community. Ill try to work out my characters more and let them grow with the world they live in as well as keep my new ideas in store :)


EmpireofAzad

Not really! My character vault has over 100 concepts I want to try out. I think some things that help a character last are a clear goal and motivation for it, a bond with one or two other characters, and definitely a few flaws to have fun with. Think about how your character develops, they aren’t static. Add stuff based on the campaign, even if it’s real simple stuff like swearing vengeance for a passed party member, or something stupid like trying to find burger recipes from each town you visit.


ralanr

I feel like this is City of Mysts but with 5e rules.


MasterAqua2

The entire story and character construct of the Kingdom Hearts series.


herrvonsmit

I would kidnap you to finally get some sense into the narrative.


HappyLittleRadishes

Brian David Gilbert?


danteslacie

Same. I'd probably spend at least 3 hours explaining Sora Roxas Ventus. And another 3 to 5 telling their individual backstories as well as their trios backstories and how KH3 wraps it up. Etc etc.


OpinionatedDoubter

The fact that Collegeboard basically has a monopoly on the college credit/entrance business (at least in the US, but we used them in an international school i went to too) and how competition is necessary for APs, SATs, ACTs, ect. to be cheaper and more reasonable. They are bad for the higher education system and everyone in it.


veronicakw

Gotta love their “virtual shipping” charge for electronically sending your SAT score to a university


SimpoKaiba

Look, the internet is a series of tubes. The uni has to exclusively rent a bunch of tubes so your scores don't end up falling into any pornography tubes, because then your scores will get all sticky


Alespren

Fuck Collegeboard. Their business model is children's futures. Edit: shit how did I manage to make it sound positive


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czhunc

Collegeboard: >Your Child's Failure Is Our Profit!^^^^TM


libananahammock

Throw in Pearson’s monopoly on public education in the US


Ph0X

Or how TurboTax lobbies to keep our taxes complicated when in reality the government could just do our taxes for us automatically if they wanted to. (Shit, this is quickly turning into an episode of Adam Ruins Everything or Patriot Act)


SpaceCowboy58

Some chick wouldn't stop pestering me at the bar one time, so I made up a whole fake backstory about being a washed up Disney Channel star until she eventually got bored and left me alone. I made up a theme song and everything, and basically wouldn't let her change the subject. I'd probably just do that again. __Big, BIG Edit: let me tell you about the Y2K Disney shitshow that was *Bugchasers* (don't look it up).__ So exactly how much *do* you know about the show Bugchasers? Nothing? Boy do I envy you right now! The premise was basically four best friends discover that the Evil Dr. Merkin is planning to release his Y2K bug into cyberspace (aka, the Cyber Zone). Picture a Great Value boy band style of archetypes: A bad boy, a jock, the prankster (me), and the brainy one. The brainy one, Takeshi, builds a portal to the Cyber Zone, so we could battle the computer bugs in a very poor CGI world (basically Reboot/VR Troopers/Code Lyoko). We each had a specialty, and a color scheme, where I was cast as the green Bugchaser, Louis "Snot" Bukowski, who was equipped with a slime cannon and other gross bug traps, stink bombs etc. There were a ton of ongoing gags, particularly between myself, Takeshi, and our big sister Melissa. If you've been keeping up with the names so far, you may have noticed that Takeshi, who was the *yellow* Bugchaser, has a significantly more Asian sounding name than "Louis" or "Melissa" Bukowski. This is never explained, this is never even addressed, even with 13 episodes shot and 26 planned, it wasn't even touched upon. Anyways, our big sister would usually tease him for being a dork, or get mad at me for being gross, and she'd always get her cumuppence for being an outright bitch. She'd get zapped fucking with electronics, have sink bombs go off on her, and even got sucked through the portal into the infamously disgusting "cyber slug zone". You know how each Walking Dead episode had that one scene that was just gratuitously disgusting for no other reason than to try and one up the previous episode? That became a thing with Melissa, but it took a far more skeevy route. Firstly, let's cut to the *chase* (get it?). You're probably more wondering what happened to this show and my career. The show was straight up cursed. It was supposed to go along with an arcade shooter and Sega Dreamcast game, with basically no other merchandising. The death of arcades and the Dreamcast flopping nixed that. The blue Bugchaser, Johnny (the jock wielding a long ranged bug zapper) was paralyzed while his mother was driving drunk, and wheelchair bound right before the fourth episode was shot. They told him they were just gonna "roll with it", but ended up replacing him. I won't forget the heartbreak on his face when he showed up to the set only to find out he had lost more than his mother, and use of his legs, but the chance to defeat Dr. Merkin and be the hero kids need. The animation department was never given the funding they needed to begin with, but also suffered a "computer virus" that required them to turn in their machines to the police. The resulting CGI was about 5 years behind its time, and couldn't grab kids' attention. The characters were barely likeable to boot. Takeshi was a nerd, and his main job was to do technical stuff for the group and he didn't even get a cool weapon. Not that the weapons were terribly cool with Disney trying their best to avoid anything too gun-like (the red Bugchaser had a fucking flyswatter). Johnny had been replaced after 3 episodes, meaning they reshot a couple scenes where they could, redubbed lines, and ultimately cut a lot of material featuring that character. I was the most well liked character by far, being the zany little scuzzball that I was. My mom was fucking the producer, so I think my character got a little bit more to work with. That, and how my character played off of Melissa. You know how Nickelodeon producer Dan Schneider has a little girl foot fetish? Our producer, Mitch Michaels, had a sticky little girl fetish. It was only mildly noticeable on screen, maybe her shirt was just slick enough with green slime to make out her bra line, maybe it was the way she spit take'd the slug mucous, but it was way worse on set. Mitch put way too much time into reshooting these scenes, which often required multiple wardrobe changes (just off set too, not in a dressing room). I won't bore you with those details, because there was also quite a bit of racism on set. Aside from the very on-the-nose casting of an Asian kid as the yellow Bugchaser, Johnny had it worse as an African American. Takeshi was typecast as a nerd, but Johnny was supposed to be the bad boy, with a very negative thug like personality. They didn't change it because of complaints though, no, they changed it when Mitch was informed that, much like the red power ranger, the red Bugchaser was sure to be the most popular. That's when the one black kid was essentially demoted from red to blue. When Johnny 1 was replaced by Johnny 2 and they were forced to do reshoots and edits, something was said to the effect of "they'll never even notice if it's a different black kid, they're all the same." All he saw was a black face filling a roll; he even started making us call eachother by our character names off camera, until there was no Johnny 1 and Johnny 2, but just Johnny. I don't even remember the original Johnny's real name. But I do remember the money shots. So Melissa was being pushed into increasingly sticky situations, with way more takes of spare footage than any slapstick gag deserved. Mitch insisted that they were the main selling point of the show, and even started using the term "money shot" each episode. On the episode after the midseason finale, we were supposed to fight an invisible spider bug in the "dark web". The solution was for me to spray glow in the dark slime on it so the others could see it. The prop gun was a unique custom build that was way more important than the modified supersoakers I was used to (the premise was that we had janky Kids Next Door style gear that was "digimorphed" into cool equipment when we went through the portal). I wasn't allowed to goof around on set with this custom prop because it had to function just so. Melissa walked on the set and was given the half assed setup of blowing dust off of her diary (there was a subplot there about stealing it, losing it in the cyber zone, then having to go back and fight some dust bunnies for it or whatever), it gets blown in my face, I sneeze, and accidentally set off the glow goo gun. This squirted a thick, creamy rope of pale colored goo directly on her face. She tastes it. "Is this frosting?" End scene. There was a hushed murmur around the room, as Mitch stood there almost wheezing. He had the type of face that a starving man gives a hibachi chef as he waits for a shrimp to get tossed his way. There wasn't a second take, the scene died on the cutting room floor without ever being matched with a laugh track; it died as stark and naked as Melissa's innocence. We were all hurried out of the studio by flustered parents, whose reaction made us feel a sort of nervous shame. The cumshot heard around our world. The show was cancelled shortly thereafter, having only half a season air. Mitch was fired, and there was a huge class action lawsuit based around a pedophilia case. The computers that were taken by the authorities had child porn on them, many of which were pictures of child actors. My mom got too full of herself and wouldn't take the settlement, insisting on a lead role for me instead, but her mouth couldn’t influence them nearly the way it influenced Mitch. My role was half voiceover work, and my character usually wore goggles even in the real world, so my face was mostly forgettable. This would be the end of my show business career until my work on an adult film set years later... ...but that's a different story.


Klea6

"Oh, finally someone who remembers that I am a Disney Channel star! My friends will be so impressed when I tell them that I'm so famous that I even got kidnapped! I'll need bodyguards now, ohh, this is so exciting! Where are you taking me? Nevermind, the prince will *always* find me! In one of my shows, there was this boy, and-


SpaceCowboy58

"Exactly how much *do* you know about the show Bugchasers? Nothing? Boy do I envy you!" The fake show was called Bugchasers.


Arboria_Institute

Reminds me of how Robert Pattinson took an obsessed fan out to dinner and just complained the whole time, and she never came back lol.


JeffTheRabbid

You are a fucking genius


[deleted]

The kidnapper not giving me the candy for getting in the van


W0r57n1gh7m4r3

Yea man if they said they were gonna get candy to take me at least give me the fucking candy


ottersprocket

And it better be good candy damnit.


HelenEk7

My newest MLM adventure.


HIM_Darling

Dissect every aspect of their appearance and that of their vehicle and you have an oil for everything. Oils for weight loss, oils for acne, oils for smells, oils for cleaning, oils for the check engine light, lol. One of my new oily oils will fix everything. And you just have buy a $1500 start up kit to get in.


mctoasterson

"I'm due for an oil change. Got an oil for that?" "No."


potatoe_princess

"Heyyy! 😇 😇 😇 Be your own boss 🎩 🎩 🎩 , babe! I know you have it in you, hun! 👏 🙌 " - boom, you're out of the van!


nogardleirie

The python programming language


im_Harsh_Malik

Hey, I am about to go college for software Engineering. And I don't know shit about programing. Any tips?


TreasuredRope

Do your homework early and make sure you understand what you're doing and why you're doing it. There might be a lot of incentive to copy your friends work, but don't. Don't let imposter syndrome get you down, it happens to everyone, even the people you think are the best. Also, learn how to Google effectively.


wholsomb

r/cscareerquestions Can be a helpful subreddit! It's helped me a good bit.


calexil

#I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR CAR'S EXTENDED WARRANTY


ichigoli

Kidnapper rips bag off your head Look around in a panic and then visible relief "Oh man! You guys have *no idea* how glad I am to see you! No for real this is perfect... see... >**I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR CAR'S EXTENDED WARRANTY** Get immediately shot


Pokoirl

How whale dicks are probably the origin of sea serpent legends


TragedyPornFamilyVid

Wat?


iGr4nATApfel

Sometimes for some reason whales turn on their backs and stick their penis out of the water, wich looks kind of like the Loch Ness monster. Some assume that's the origin of the legend.


BrisketWrench

Cockness Monster


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mccarthyman

Don't forget that they can reach up to 3 meters in length on bigger whales, which makes it a lot more understandable


meetyouredoom

And a blue whale doesnt have enough blood in its body to get a full erection without passing out! Female blue whales also have cavernous vaginas so large that a human could swim in thema


TripperDay

Humans can fit through human vaginas too.


Ser_Scribbles

> so large that a human could swim in them Is there some way we can rewind a minute to before I had to picture this?


[deleted]

Are you saying you wouldn't want to swim in pussy?


Emerald_Valkyrie

Lost in the sauce


lpc1994

As if I didn't have enough to be insecure about, that's bigger than me.


com2420

Can I dump you on the street now? Away from places I like to read?


Lizziethephotogrrl

It makes sense. I'm full of useless facts like that. Example, did you know that the reason they say elephants have a good memory is because they annually visit the fallen remains of matriarch? They touch her bones and cry. Annual. elephant. funerals. Also the tips of thier trunk are many times more sensitive than human fingertips.


thiagoac1

I want to subscribe to your useless facts.


YoureGrammarWronger

In the past, elephant herds were culled by killing only the adults in front of the juveniles because it was believed they are just “dumb animals” and don’t remember.


SuperKami-Nappa

Little do they know an elephant never forgets


YoureGrammarWronger

One issue was that these elephants then grew up without structure on instruction and became rowdy and dangerous. So now we cull the entire herd.


Postmortal_Pop

Endlessly critiquing their kidnapping plan as I suggest better options. "You know, the zip tie is a nice pick but they're really easy to snap with since effort, personally I'd suggest rope or even paracord!" "I hope you remembered to wear a disguise when you rented this van. They have cctvs everywhere now a days. Neither of us need your face on TV." "So what's your endgame here? Is it money? A sex thing? Revenge? A sex thing? I just like to know what's on the itinerary. If it's one of those other things, can it also be a sex thing?" "I mean, it's not my fault you didn't think to sedate me when you picked me up! Frankly that's a rooky mistake."


sarcasticlovely

"so are you after money? information? because I have neither. my organs won't even be worth much on the black market because I'm super unhealthy." "i hate to break it to you but if this is a sex thing nobody's gonna be interested." "um, did you really just drive through a traffic light? you know those all have cameras right? back roads only man or you're gonna get caught faster than I can chew threw this off brand duct tape you thought would work."


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LottaLurky_LilLippy

"Off brand duct tape" hahaha - you got me.


littlemegzz

And did I mention a sex thing?


Cloaked42m

Seriously, if you don't know how to tie a knot and that's why you used a zip tie... hoo boy are we going to have FUN! Can we stop by Lowe's?


cinnamonface9

Can someone pick up 2 liters of water and some tarp? It’s a sex thing.


oscarmikealpha

Raid: Shadow Legends


Emperor_of_Death

"Ok I'll allow you to kidnap me, but first I'd like to thank our sponsor, Raid: Shadow Legends..." *gets yeeted out of the window*


TheGodliestlord45

Yes precisely


Netherquark

instant evacuation


[deleted]

That my dad can beat up his dad.


[deleted]

He wouldn’t stand a chance to my dad


xanthanahtnax

That might be true, but my dad can beat up both of your dads at the same time.


M_aK_rO

My dad only used to beat me up


Ramejix

Reciting the Bee Movie script.


honkhonkbeepbeeep

And every time you say bee, you go faster.


[deleted]

Slower*


Apache1One

True crime podcasts. Edit: No joke. A friend of mine owns a bar, and whenever I’m there, we have a deal: if people stay too long after last call when she’s trying to close up, if I can get them to leave I drink for free. My go-to is to start telling stories about my favorite true crime cases and it works almost every time.


Cockwombles

I need to stop referring to windows as ‘points of entry’. I sell windows as part of my job.


sass_princess

Lol alright this made me laugh


XX2AJ3XX

Bro let *me* kidnap you


hypnos_surf

I want to join, lol. I don't listen to many True Crime podcasts, but I love listening to the ones about cults.


SaturdayHeartache

Exactly. I know all your tricks guy.


HardEyesGlowRight

"Ted Bundy would've never done it like this..."


Nailclippers

"Oh I'm getting a real Pogo vibe in here, love what you've done with the walls."


booksoverppl

My past relationships


Hustyx

World of Warcraft.


Netherquark

u/oseirus


Abezethibodtheimp

My 15 story ideas, all of which are fantastical- Hey guys, quick edit! So many of you sound like amazing writers, creators, and storytellers! So I made the subreddit r/YourStoryHerePls , feel free to join to put any or all aspects of your stories down, no matter how short or long! I can’t respond to all of you so here’s a subreddit instead :)


kawaii_fa_life

If we both get kidnapped, make it >20 stories. Plus a lot of world building. A lot of world building. I'm talking gods, religion, powers, legends, myths, warriors, all that stuff. It'll be fun.


[deleted]

Why some people pronounce this same two words differently: a historic vs an istoric. Sorry, that was meant to be phonetic. Also, why the rising terminal is so annoying when it isn’t a question. Edit: Sorry, I should have said High Rising Terminal. Edit, part 2, Electric Boogaloo: Thank you. I learned quite a bit about the h-word thing.


Arekai4098

A friend of mine who's interesting in languages told me about this recently, apparently it's because the letter H in English used to be a silent letter, and "an istoric" is a holdover from that time.


Oseirus

How badly I want someone to play WoW with me EDIT: RIP my inbox I'm never going to be able to reply to everyone so I'm just going to bullet point a couple of the most common replies: >What is WoW? World of Warcraft, Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game by Blizzard Entertainment. Originally released in 2004, it's arguably the most successful MMO of all time. The current expansion, Shadowlands, just released at the end of 2020. The player count has ebbed and flowed over the years, but it's still got an active player base numbering in the multi-millions, and Shadowlands briefly held the record for fastest selling PC game ever. >Come join us on X server/Classic/Alliance/etc! I genuinely appreciate everyone who has offered to game along with me. Unfortunately right now unless you're Horde on Thrall US, I'm not going to be able to move. I'm a rampaging altoholic and I'm too deeply rooted where I am to make any changes beyond maybe moving guilds. >Play Y game instead That's a negative, Ghost Rider. People throw me the stink eye every time I say it, but I really like where WoW is right now. Shadowlands brought me back into WoW after quitting mid-Mists. For me, that's massive. As a result, I'm not eager to try and pick up another time sink right now.


DTOMthrynt

Mate tell me about it. Basically a single player game at this point.


metalmike556

How excited I am to finally have been kidnapped and how long I've waited for this and how it's almost exactly like that movie with Alicia Silverstone and how she was in the Batman movie but wasn't very good even though Batman is a great character and Adam West was a hilarious Batman but was even better on Family Guy and that Family Guy is getting a little too overrated for my taste and speaking for taste can we stop for food because I'm hungry and when I get hungry I get cranky and a Snickers won't help even though Snickers is packed with peanuts, caramel and chocolate but not dark chocolate and I'm sure Snickers at one point did a dark chocolate version and if not I might be thinking about Milky Way Midnight bars and the Milky Way is so vast and huge and we have no idea how much further out it goes and... Edit: Holy hell! I did not expect this to blow up like it did! Thank you to everyone that sent awards, gold and all the comments. I'm actively trying to read them all but the outpouring is amazing! I read a bunch to my wife and son last night and they were laughing their asses off. You all are some hilarious people. Thank you so much!


[deleted]

I read this really fast, like was your intent I'm sure! LOL


ItsPapare

It’s the missing punctuation. The written language and what you can do with it is pretty cool.


DuccBoii

man you would be thrown out in 4 minutes 32 seconds


mastoid45

Oddly specific...


[deleted]

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mathliability

Just one second shy of a work of art https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4%E2%80%B233%E2%80%B3


RocketRaccoon

I'm throwing you out like DJ Jazzy Jeff got tossed by Uncle Phil


83020

I'd keep you just to see how far you could take this. And because my brain likes to think this way sometimes


PointedHydra837

ADD/ADHD moment


ajac423

Like ADHD on a brand new treatment regimen tbh Edit: In all seriousness, r/ADHD is a great community on Reddit for folks. Just passing it on.


nickman940

Bruh you ain't getting thrown out you're getting shot


bobthebobcattt

Bravo I didn’t even finish reading the comment


Cantifreezy

That’s how you *know* it’s good!


mrbatestoyou

This is my method to avoid the (nice but) annoying neighbor who is always outside smoking in his car because his wife wont let him smoke in the house. If I never break my sentence he has no in. "Hey man, hows it going? Pretty nice outside today eh? Almost makes you remember why we like living here. Oh and hey did you hear that car alarm lastnight? Man, what an asshole. Oh and hey look I'm back on my porch better go inside, cool man, take care. nice talk"


iceman012

This is a skill I'm slowly learning to counter, lol. I keep on finding myself in situations where I want to leave, but the other person is having a one-sided conversation like this, where they can go on from one topic to another for minutes with no input from me. You have to butt in, say something that's vaguely related to whatever they just said, and then immediately excuse yourself before they get going again.


Party-Insect2976

The ADD is strong with this one.


Xamantu

About the changes that Formula One tracks suffered after Ayrton Senna's fatal accident during the 1994 San Marino GP. Not many people know that several tracks such as Montreal, Barcelona, Spa-Francorchamps, Silverstone, Jerez, Estoril, Monza (and of course, Imola, where the tragedy happened) were modified with temporary or permanent chicanes, or reprofiled corners in an attempt to make them a bit safer. I could go on talking about the layout evolution of all of these tracks over the years. The kidnapper would beg for mercy. God help him when I start rambling about Spa's bus stop.


zephyrg

Gentlemen, a short view back to the past. Thirty years ago, Niki Lauda told us ‘take a monkey, place him into the cockpit and he is able to drive the car.’ Thirty years later, Sebastian told us ‘I had to start my car like a computer, it’s very complicated.’ And Nico Rosberg said that during the race – I don’t remember what race – he pressed the wrong button on the wheel. Question for you both: is Formula One driving today too complicated with twenty and more buttons on the wheel, are you too much under effort, under pressure? What are your wishes for the future concerning the technical programme during the race? Less buttons, more? Or less and more communication with your engineers?


elliebeans90

Can you repeat the question?


daniu

I just call my mother in law and put her on speaker


JanusIsBlue

About how Hades is *actually* a pretty good guy and that the idea of him being evil or bad comes from the Christian idea of the devil being associated with him for no reason other than “underworld”


blue4029

actually, compared to all the other gods in greek mythology, hades was probably the LEAST dickish of them all. the worst thing he did was kidnap that dude's wife but he was very fair and allowed the dude to come to the underworld and get her. the only reason why she STAYED kidnapped was because he didnt follow the very fair rules that hades had set up.


JanusIsBlue

And also Hades had to kidnap his wife because that’s his JOB. Like, it’s not his fault she died!


enty6003

Hey, spoilers!


Justmeagaindownhere

Fun fact, the original myth makes a very strong effort to put all the blame on Zeus, her father, who authorized the marriage.


Silver-Bengal

They’re talking about Orpheus but yeah you do make a point


Wanna-BeDirector

I'd do that too whilst going on a completely separate rant on how the Romans never had an original idea and just stole everything.


Duhblobby

They even stole stealing from other cultures.


ColLeslieHapHapablap

Me explaining in great detail why it was the right decision to keep Tom Bombadil out of the Lord of the Rings movies.


pjabrony

I'm fine with Bombadil being out, I just want to know why the Scouring of the Shire wasn't even in the extended edition! Especially when they foreshadowed it in the mirror of Galadriel. And what about Aragorn finding the seed of the White Tree?


[deleted]

As far as the shire, I think you could have that in the ending if it were made today because people are more generally accepting of a narrative that kind of points out that defeating the bad guy doesn’t always end in coming home to a beautiful home and a feast in your honor (hell, even Marvel is doing things that are emotionally similar). But back when the trilogy was released, I imagine they wanted a cleaner, happier ending for movie audiences. And leaving the vision we saw of it now serves as a cautionary tale for why they must destroy the ring soon, as well as being a little nod to the book readers. Maybe I (and the studio) underestimate early 2000s movie audiences, but that would be my guess.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CutLikeAPotato

Please begin...


MerkNZorg

Totally agree, he would be jarring in the movies and look like a plot device rather than a character. He is so random. If LOTR had been a 7 season tv show ala GOT then he could be handled right.


NighthawkoftheHills

I would kill you on the spot.


aerodynamique

I have a very specific knowledge set about WW1 military equipment, specifically service rifles. For example! Did you know that the French military actually developed the first smokeless powder rifle? There were actually *no* rifles developed before then that used smokeless powder. This was mostly due to the timeframe! The Lebel Model 1886, as the name implies, was designed in 1886, and entered service in 1887. Smokeless powder was invented by a French chemist only two years before, in 1884, making it possibly one of the fastest-designed military rifles of all time. The Lebel was a more-than-decent weapon for the time. Using smokeless powder as opposed to black powder gave it a huge advantage; the cartridges burned faster and more evenly, creating more consistent ballistics, and gave more 'punch' per gram of propellant. Cartidges could be significantly smaller and faster, and the Lebel was accurate up to a whopping 300 meters because of this! Last but not least, the byproducts of smokeless powder were mostly gasseous, meaning that there was less of a 'report' per gunshot in both sound and smoke. Soldiers could not only hit targets more consistently, but they also had less of a chance of being spotted, could actually still see who they were shooting at after putting a few rounds out, could carry more ammunition due to the smaller size and lighter weight, *AND* shoot further and penetrate through more armor due to the speed of the bullet! However, these are all advantages of *smokeless powder*, not necessarily of the Model 1886. The two year design time was impressive, but resulted in...shortcomings. The Lebel suffered from a few major design flaws. Most notably was its internal magazine design; the Lebel could hold eight bullets in a tube-magazine, plus two, for a total of ten rounds. This was *double* most of the rifles that would follow it. However, due to its design of the tube-magazine, it also lead to achingly long reload times; this was the main downside of the weapon, but not the last. The sights on the Lebel were small, and very prone to becoming misaligned. To make things worse, the lack of protection on the barrel meant that soldiers would burn their hands after prolonged fire. These downsides were significant, *especially* the reload time, but still made the rifle worth using over black powder rifles. It, of course, wasn't long before other countries took notice of France's new rifle design. The most iconic of these is the German 1888 Commision Rifle, more commonly known as the **Gewehr 1888.** Although this rifle lacked the capacity of the Model 1886, it was superior in almost every other aspect. The rifle was so well designed that Chinese forces were still using it in their struggle against the Japanese nearly 40 years later; and, despite the Japanese carrying rifles that were thirty years newer than the '88, the Gewehr more than matched them in ballistics performance. The lack of design put into the Model 1886 only became more apparent as time went on. The most iconic weapons of WW1 all used smokeless powder; the Mosin Nagant, the Kar98, the Lee-Enfield, the Springfield, were using the same powder and cartridge type as the Lebel...but with up to two decades of hindsight in arms development. The Lebel was, nonetheless, still the preferred service rifle of the French army in WW1. It was old, and had some major design flaws...but it was sturdy, and reliable, and the advantage of having eight bullets in an internal tube, plus two extra, couldn't be overstated. Of course, France had more modern rifles designed before WW1, such as the Berthier rifle, which could be clip-fed into a *straight* internal magazine, but it was found that this performed woefully poorly; three rounds was simply not a large enough capacity, and mud and grit commonly jammed the weapon in the hellish conditions of WW1 battlefields. So, despite being old, and cumbersome to reload, and maybe not the best on the market, the Lebel Model 1886 was the weapon most French soldiers marched with-... ... --hey, where are you going? Come back! I was just about to talk about Mosin! People like the Mosin, right?


IvoryAamon23

This was actually really interesting to read! I don’t know much about guns nor am I very passionate about them/their history, but this was real neat! :D


[deleted]

The possibility of Clash of Clans losing its appeal and audience due to too many new updates and making it too complex


Tartoon17

Holy shit that game is still around I haven't touched it in 6 years lol


[deleted]

In all seriousness, do people actually complain about this sort of stuff?


[deleted]

No, but it’s occasionally in the back of my mind because I still enjoy the game. Maybe if someone asked some specific question about it and then gave consent for me to nerd out, then I would complain. But there isn’t much to complain about yet.


ductapemonster

The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise.


[deleted]

Ironic.


98raider

He could save others from being kidnapped, but not himself


Emerald_Queen_121

My loneliness and about all my mental health issues


Jazzman14

Our lord and savior Jesus Christ


TurboGranny

This is the right answer. Surprised to see it so low. "Now that you've kidnapped me, we have time for me to tell you the good news" "Good news?" "The good news about our lord and savior Jesus Christ who died for our sins. Doesn't it feel amazing to know that? Pray with me now." "Get out"


[deleted]

Animal crossing. I could go on for hours about the struggles of trying to get my island just right and how nooks cranny NEVER stocks any of the items I need for my villagers yards and everything I miss from new leaf..


morbid_mitochondria

Plants. I’ve been dumped by boyfriends, colleagues, and friend groups because it’s all I ever want to talk about. I know this isn’t in the spirit of the hypothetical, but... I did get to bring up plants in a relevant way. So it’s a win in my eyes.


attorneyatslaw

Crossfit


cragglerock93

The litter at the side of the road that I can see through the van window. It's an outrage, I don't understand why people do this, why don't they have more respect, think of the wildlife, it's so ugly, why aren't the council cleaning this up, aren't other people annoyed by this, what must foreign visitors think, our nice countryside is being ruined...


Lisaroxit

My yeast infection.


Dirty_Corgi

How he’s going to carry my obese body if he actually kills me. Like does he have faithful trustworthy friends to keep it a secret or is it just him? How much does he bench?


time_wasting_student

"Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy merchandise were the closest thing to everything. I love jellyfishing, you should love jellyfishing. You should come some time and bring your own net! ... So, as I was saying, you and me gotta hang out more. What nights are good for you? Here are the nights that are good for me: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I gotta work. I work at the Krusty Krab. My best friend is Patrick. He's pink." etc


Azzizzi

That completely fascinating dream I had, followed by the story of how I got out of jury duty, followed by how I got rear-ended at a red light and the guy who hit me tried to get out of paying for it.


BitPoet

Having done it twice, being on a jury is way cooler than getting out of jury duty.


[deleted]

Marvel or Star Wars


Which-Palpitation

Nickleback oughta do the trick


booksoverppl

LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH


jtdusk

The healing power of essential oils.