T O P
goochpatch

Uncle Phil


rexferramenta

"Jazz you can put your hands down." "He got a gun if I put my hands down now I got six warning shots in my back!"


lil_pinoo

My cousin Vinny


CaptainObvious1906

what is a yute?


monkey_scandal

Oh excuse me, your honor. Two *yoo-tha-saa*


por_que_no

Oh a counter-offer. That's what we lawyers - I'm a lawyer - we lawyers call that a counter-offer. This is a tough decision here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. Let me think... I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be very honest with you... nah, I think I'll just go with the two hundred.


dkwangchuck

This. Only the lawyer is fictional - meaning that the case would be tried normally, as opposed to by the rules of whatever fictional universe the 100% success rate lawyer comes from. My Cousin Vinny has been praised by lawyers for being remarkably accurate and cousin Vinny's technique has also been noted as being excellent by people with actual courtroom experience. If it were a case of a fictional lawyer in their fictional universe - maybe I'd go with someone else. But a fictional lawyer who has to play by the rules of the real world legal system? I don't think there's a better choice than Vincent Gambini.


ZzDe0

I can't believe how far i had to scroll to find the only logical answer.


Historyinpeanuts

Elle Woods


goodchives0nly

Happy people just don’t kill their husbands


YEEyourlastHAW

I didn’t even think of this and I am so disappointed in myself


Wizzdom

She was great in law school. By now, with tons of experience under her belt, she'd be my top pick!


realAniram

And on top of her skill and intelligence she's genuinely kind and listens to people. I know she'd do her best to help me, even though she's a pretty sorority sister type and I'm an ugly cat lady type.


LarryLove

She'd still love you. And your cats


askingxalice

Elle would say you're a pretty sorority sister cat lady.


Fairy_Squad_Mother

What, like its hard?


Katstrat93

Bend... and snap!


keyboardsmash

Any Cosmo girl would have known!!


weequay1189

I want Bob Loblaw to drop a Bob Loblaw Law Bomb.


BonusBelisarius

Have you read the Bob Loblaw Law Blog?


holy_handsome

That’s a low blow, Loblaw.


RedditUser123234

Maggie Lizer could be another good one.


AusCan531

Perry Mason. He only ever lost one case.


PacificVIking

This really is the only right answer if you're actually in trouble. Not only will he save your bacon and find the real culprit as well as their motive, but you'll have the pleasure of hearing him do it in the smoothest of baritones.


PM_ME_UR_LIPZ

but what if im guilty


DarkGamer

Perry Mason's clients are almost never guilty, for some reason. Try Saul Goodman.


Stalking_Goat

I assume that Mason is an excellent judge of character. He turns down the guilty clients.


EagleFinch

Perry Mason could hold the attention of a 90's child in black and white television.


Tuguar

Charlie Kelly, of course. I want the best expert on Bird Law in the world on my case.


zirtbow

They will get Jack Kelly to counter you. You don't stand a chance. Have you seen the size of his hands?


ticklemenono

NOBODY LOOK


smeghammer

NOBODY LOOK


blinker265

Hmmm it would be a tough call between him and the Jew lawyer...I do love that he never charges!


indiblue825

Bird law in this country, it's not governed by reason.


CarnivorousHuman

Vincent LaGuardia "Vinny" Gambini Even if I go down I get to meet Marisa Tomei


JaxxisR

Surely you mean Jerry Gallo. edit: JERRY. Geez, it's been awhile.


dillonsrule

"Jerry Gallo? Jerry Gallo's dead." "I'm aware of that!"


Yoguls

Alan shore and Denny Crane Edit: Thankyou for the awards. I have an erection. That's a good sign. I'm ready to go to trial. Lock and load.


sillyenglishknigit

Denny Crane...


zjp_716

DENNY CRANE!


sm3ldon

Had to scroll too far for this


itsyerboyskinnypenis

Matt Murdock for sure


useless_reaper

Nelson and Murdock for sure Edit: holy shit first silver for this comment, thank you!


Zip_Zoopity_Bop

Avacados at law


UncleTogie

This was one of my favorite parts of the show. Made them feel more human.


Worthyness

Well they are human. However, Matt's zombie ex girlfriend is notably not a human


[deleted]

Fuck now I can’t stop thinking about how the show got cancelled


doodledog23

It at least had some dignity of a cohesive semi natural ending. Still a sad day though.


warriorwoman96

Id go with Foggy. Wouldnt want Matt missing opening statements.


RagingAardvark

Or as I like to think of him, Señor Foggy.


campaignist

Avocados at law


queijocombolo

He might break into prison and get you out if you end up getting sent to prison


warriorwoman96

Then Im a convicted felon and a fugitive. Id rather have a lawyer that will show up on time and win the trial.


richhomieqantas

Lionel Hutz..so we can have a celebratory belt of scotch at 9:30 in the morning. Edit: Okay realised the accurate quote is 9:30 in the morning, thanks for pointing it out!


[deleted]

He’s argued in front of every judge in Springfield - some of them as a lawyer!


kittyajay

He's had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog... But replace the word "accidentally" with "repeatedly", and "dog" with "son".


SimplyQuid

The brownest of the brown liquors...


cheesey24

Not to mention his stance on 'lawyer, dumpster confidentiality'


UnconstrictedEmu

Your honor, I’d like to motion for a bad court thingy.


Expo737

A mistrial?


UnconstrictedEmu

Yeah! That’s why you’re the judge and I’m the law talking guy!


kingsfan52

Works on contingency No money down


namreklaw

Works on contingency? No, money down


TrentRizzo

Oops, it shouldn’t have this bar association logo on here either


Enchilada_McMustang

But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law, which is unbreakable." Which is unbreakable!


Prox

I've heard Matlock is a good choice. For ten grand, he’ll actually sit behind you in court and read the paper. For $15,000, he’ll actually sit at the defense table. For $20,000, he’ll twice lean forward and whisper something in your ear. You can't argue with that kind of value.


PurifiedVenom

I have the worst fucking attorneys


Steakleather

They can't arrest a husband and wife for the same crime.


Buttons840

Can I get a discount if I just want the whispering?


[deleted]

You're looking at it all wrong...After the retainer, he's hourly. Matlock wins every case in 40 minutes plus commercials!


garfodie81

Matlock’s retainer was $100,000 in the late 80’s, and he almost always defended murder cases, so you’d better be on the hook for something *extra* bad.


SanchoMandoval

But he also had like a 100% acquittal rate and usually got the real culprit to confess on the witness stand. It's actually a good value. You get acquitted, old people love him, and he makes some folksy joke on the way out of the court room.


parliboy

> usually got the real culprit to confess on the witness stand. This is extra-valuable. For most murder trials, let's say you get off. You're still a former murder defendant who's gotta go get a job. It's a hell of a lot easier to do that when someone else has confessed in open court. $100k is actually a great value against your lifetime earning expectation.


chuc999

Harvey birdman attorney at law. Man lost some brain cells watching that back in the day. Thank for the awards guys.


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notsofst

This is easily my most used reference that is missed by 100% of everyone.


Giddy_Up_Caruthers

I work in a corporate office environment and use this quote 6 times a day. And no one gets it. No one.


Ghastromancer

It's difficult though because it's kind of nonspecific so even if someone said it to me I'd hesitate to respond because I wouldn't know if they in fact were quoting it or not.


100percent_right_now

I'd rather be represented by Reducto though. BACK OFF!!


Andaliter

Still one of the best theme songs of all time.


UpboatOrNoBoat

Some of the best side characters too. Mentok the Mind-Taker was amazing. Also Stephen Colbert voiced the shrink ray guy as well as the boss.


knightcrusader

I love when Mentok gets sidetracked with one upping other characters that may do something better than him. The one with Elroy Jetson correcting him using future knowledge comes to mind. > *Too cute. Pocket Nostradamus here thinks he can tell the future!*


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DefNotARussianHacker

Not there! There!!


notisabellefromacnl

Annalise Keating, obviously


GWRallyJ

She is messy af but gets the job done. Also might inadvertently kill you.


horsenbuggy

Hol' up. SHE never actually killed anyone.


notisabellefromacnl

Is that a bad thing?


[deleted]

I see this as an absolute win.


Last_Lorien

As long as you don't meet her interns/interns' parents/collaborators/lover/husband/rivals, you might just make it


Shoesquirrel

This is the correct answer. Best case, she wins your case while waltzing through some ethical gray areas. Worst case, your accuser ends up dead and no one can figure out why or how.


MoroseTraveller

ATTICUS FINCH


Silidon

This is way to far down. Doesn’t rely on any gamesmanship or fancy tricks, doesn’t try to cheat the system, just strives for justice.


Costco1L

But what if I’m guilty? I don’t want justice, I want courtroom shenanigans to help me escape justice.


Sepulchretum

Even if I’m innocent, I don’t want what passes for “justice.” I want whatever courtroom shenanigans get me out of the ordeal.


otherwisetrout

The Hyper Chicken Lawyer from Futurama. Edit: Thanks for the award


TRexLuthor

*Now, I may be just a simple hyper chicken...*


kevted5085

buCOOOCK


PatKilm

I’m sorry, I thought you was corn.


Judas_Feast

Don't mind if I cock-a-doodle-do


Bjorn2bwilde24

Your Honor, that's something we cannot... a-doodle-doo.


VheloGrace

Judge Whitey: Counselor, what evidence do you offer for this new plea of insanity? Hyper-Chicken: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Judge Whitey: Insanity plea is accepted.


shamdamdoodly

"The judge has allowed you got get off with 4 hours community service" "Awwww 4 hours? Couldnt you have just gotten me the death penalty" "Ida done better if I wasnt awaiting trial for that there incompetence"


TuctDape

Did you just say "extra crispy recipe?"


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badnanas

Build your defense team with the addition of "Single Female Lawyer"


[deleted]

I say y'all are in a 12-piece bucket o trouble.


yaniwilks

"I'm sorry, I thought you was corn."


-eDgAR-

Jeff Winger from Community. He was actually a good lawyer, plus maybe I could get to be on *Troy and Abed in the Morning* to discuss the case.


lukaswolfe44

Honestly he was one of the best, but just didn't have the paper that said he was legally allowed to be the best.


joshi38

"I thought you had a degree from Georgia." "And now I need one from America."


Simba7

Colombia, actually! But I give it a B+ because it still works.


Rowan5215

"Shirley, don't sue a stripper!" "Why not?" "She's a stripper. Life sued her, and she lost"


ISawHimIFoughtHim

"Jeff, did you know if I have sex with this guy I can use his beach house whenever I want?" "Wow, sounds like you guys might have invented the *newest* profession in the world."


OsKarMike1306

Aaaaand there it is, the comment that convinced me to go through Community yet again


kjreil26

So I'm imagining this courtroom setting, kind of like Judge Judy. The dean is the judge, dressed up like Judge Judy of course and either Starburns or Leonard are the bailiff. Troy and Abed are doing the post game interviews in the hallway. Annie is Jeff's legal aid. Britta and Shirley are audience members planted for camera cutaways.


JompaRacing

Fletcher from Liar Liar. Fletcher: Your Honor, I object! Judge: Why? Fletcher: Because it's devastating to my case! Judge: Overruled. Fletcher: Good call!


machina99

No lie, liar liar is the movie that made me want to go to law school Edit: for anyone else asking, yes I went to law school and became an attorney! It's not *as* fun as the movie, but I love it (I work in compliance not litigation, but I've done litigation before)


FetusFish

Single female lawyer!


[deleted]

Since female lawyer, being self relient. Wearing miniskirts, and helping out her client.


BoxMaster13

"Hey I'm pretty good!" Every time Bender says "single female lawyer, havin' lots of sex" I die laughing.


ArchdukeAwesomeSauce

It took me an hour to write, I thought it would take an hour to read!


DrMadman007

Harvey Specter Edit:thanks fot the awards guys, these are my first ones!


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CoolBeansMan9

What did you just say to me? Get the hell out of my office. Oh by the way, the file came in, and you're *not* going to like it


laertez

Bullshit! Now, get your shit together and do your goddamn job! **SlamsFileOnDesk**


StealthyTime

#GODDAMIT you Son Of A Bitch YOU SET ME UP


SinisterKid

*looks at cover sheet inside binder* **YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS**


rbbr12

You better watch your mouth, Harvey. It’s still my name on the goddamn door.


hobowithmachete

But it will be your face in the papers tomorrow, rbbr12.


SuperEliteFucker

I don't know why I ever walked in this door all those years ago, but I sure as hell know why I'm walking out! **Slams door**


aim_el

I'm sure I'm not the only person who reads all these in Harvey's voice and that other one in Jessica's.


Mr-Tiggo-Bitties

*Theme music begins*


saimpot

No, here's what you're going to do instead. This deposition is over! WHERE IS DONNA? LOUIS WHAT DID YOU DO AGAIN?


charm33

Damn right! Harvey goddamn specter!


juanes3020

now get the hell out of my office.


torsoboy00

What did you just say to me?


Tilt101

1000%. Harvey just gets shit done however necessary. Bonus points if you get Mike on the team


thewholedamnplanet

I knew a guy who had the same memory mutant ability in high school but I didn't believe him so I showed him the UPC code from some bag of chips and he looked at it and said it was memorized so I put it in my wallet and for the next few years at random times I'd take it out when I saw him wherever and he'd say each number exactly right. I'd love to bump into him now and see if he still has it but of course I don't have the UPC code anymore and he's probably mega rich and successful and married and happy. Hate that guy.


Meior

God dammit, Harvey. After I realized the only "bad word" they're ever allowed to use on the show is "god dammit" and that they say it *all the freaking time*, the show kind of broke for me.


mixi_e

Last couple of seasons they used fuck like crazy. The first time it was shocking as I had fully realized they never had actually cussed.


kalethan

Yeah I'm watching it right now and just got to season seven or eight and WOW do they start dropping f-bombs left and right.


Rinne_Uchiha_Madara

Jennifer Susan Walters, AKA She-Hulk. Private attorney, adventurer; formerly bounty hunter, S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, actress, mine slave, Magistra of the Living Tribunal, NYC Assistant District Attorney. Law degree from UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles)


Pooyiong

South Park's version of Johnny Cochran


DaemonActual

I scrolled down way too far to find this response. That does not make sense!


Laymans_Terms19

Gordon Bombay People forget before he was the greatest peewee hockey coach of all time he was the sleaziest defense attorney in Minnesota. “You really stooped to an all-time low on this one, Bombay.” “I’m insulted by that, Frank, you have no idea how low I can stoop.”


crashhelmi

This is the best answer and no one else is saying it. Mighty Ducks is the tragic story about how a lawyer with a 30-0 record threw it away for some dumb kids and "morality."


kfk5025

Barry Zuckerkorn. He's very good.


SwedishKillerChef

Marshal Eriksen, before he became a judge.


Chruxl

**We are international businessmen! On an international business trip! **


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AProcrastinatingWrit

Is he going to flail and bluff and make a fool out of both of us? You bet your biscuit. Is he going to make me question the wisdom of ever having been born as the entire courtroom looks on, concerned, at his antics? It's a guarantee, my friend. Am I going to be embarrassed for the rest of my life? As sure as vampires are scared of the sun. But is Phoenix Wright going to find the truth, identify the real culprit, get me a Not Guilty verdict, and possibly solve all my interpersonal issues while he does? [Of course.](https://marksegawa.bandcamp.com/track/objections-ace-attourney-fan-song)


dumbwaeguk

In a kangaroo court, he can not only prove someone innocent, he can also track down the real culprit. He has an extremely good track record for such an incredibly rigged criminal justice system.


wtfduud

Not only will get get you off the hook, he'll put your prosecutor in jail!


StormR7

He has a pretty good track record of that too.


apple_kicks

which is impressive given Japan's [99.9% conviction rate](https://www.nippon.com/en/japan-topics/c05401/order-in-the-court-explaining-japan%E2%80%99s-99-9-conviction-rate.html)


crazymoefaux

The game itself is considered a critique of the absurdity of that fact.


Mnawab

I mean he cross examined a bird once and got the truth. You can't beat that kind of lawyer.


hizeto

top 2 answers on this thread are probably what everyone thought of. If youre guilty call Saul, if you're innocent phoenix wright


plokool

If you get mixed up and hire Phoenix while guilty, try having his assistant kidnapped


AstroZombie29

Man, what a case that one was


JusticeOwl

it really blew my mind first time I played it


shyguywart

you can also get away with being a [smooth criminal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxggbBvmF38) edit: not my creation


AcrobaticHawk

Why on Earth would I pick anyone else? This man can pull evidence out his ass and it ends up being completely right.


Zizhou

I don't think I'm quirky enough to be one of his clients. I also really hope I'm never even tangentially involved in a murder, because that seems to be the only kind of case he ever takes on.


Sspockuss

(Trials and Tribulations spoilers) >!He takes on a grand larceny case in the third game, but his client gets accused of murder right after getting a not guilty verdict for the theft lmao.!<


JigglySmash

That wasn’t Justice For All that was Trials and Tribulations Anyway, (Spirit of Justice spoilers) >!He also handles a civil case over the property of an object at the end of this game!<


sadphonics

Ah but the **UPDATED AUTOPSY REPORT**


Galle_

"The victim was shot at point blank range while on a boat with the defendant in the middle of a lake. The defendant's fingerprints are the only ones on the murder weapon. There is a photograph of the defendant shooting the victim. The prosecuting attorney is a corrupt perfectionist who hasn't lost a case in forty years." Phoenix proves the defendant innocent anyway.


Boxboy7

He even cross-examines a god damn parrot in the process, while solving both *that case* as well as the case from the DL-6 Incident which was a single day from reaching the statute of limitations. Phoenix Wright is a god that enjoys playing the role of human.


dmishal14

OBJECTION!


Nambot

(Damnit, Edgeworth saw straight through my bluff. Now I have nothing and my client will be found guilty for sure. If only Maia were here she'd know just what to do.)


Niar666

Mia? Or Maya? Or do you mean Maya possessed by Mia?


Raven_of_Blades

order order order I will have order.


allonbacuth

Well probably Pearl possessed by Mia since Maya is in jail again


WildeSavage

Why are you badgering me? I'm your witness!


atenatenaantenna

HOLD IT-


FlaxSeedBP

Specially if you're questioning a ticket you got on a roundabout.


NicolasMithra

Better Call Saul


idontlikeflamingos

I don't need a criminal lawyer. I need a *criminal* lawyer.


Bored_npc

Chuck disagrees lol


NeophytePoser

Fuck Chuck.


Bored_npc

I guess he was already completely fucked up mate lol


rascally1980

No need to even face the police again. Saul will arrange for a van to pick me up so I can just disappear. Now that’s a good lawyer.


turkeybaconwitheggs

I would like to order the dust filter for a Hoover Max Extract 60 Pressure Pro.


DeepHorse

You’re $5k short


turkeybaconwitheggs

You are going to jack me up over a measly $5,000?


thedogoliver

It was $1800. But who's counting?


insane__knight

Is there really anyone else to name? The guy plays dirty and gets the results.


[deleted]

Kim Wexler is really fucking good and makes you look less guilty.


dmcd0415

"You can't hire Johnnie Cochran because you'll look guilty. What, you wanna look innocent in jail? I'd rather look guilty at the mall." -Chris Rock.


its_the_luge

University of American Samoa baby 😎


CantankerousKent

Go Land Crabs!


Wheeljack7799

"Don't drink and drive, but if you do; Call me!"


theshamwowguy

Only correct answer, i mean seriously


WhatAmIDonigHere

Thanks. Just opened the post to make sure this is the top comment.


WellYouCouldAlways

'sall good, man.


BringMeTwo

Alicia Florek


AntoblueSmithKiddo

Already put it out, but to who all they go when things get complicated? ELSBETH TASCIONI!


[deleted]

Jack McCoy