T O P
boss_bj

A Phoenix


aFuckinChair

You mean Joaquin?


TRexLuthor

No, River.


noelg1998

No, Wright.


Skippy_Letcher

Marco


KingMicahhh

Marco The Phoenix


Kahoots113

I think that one is defective....


OurHeroXero

Ah yes, the *Doctor Who* of mythical Beasts


DarkGamer

The goose that lays the golden eggs


jdfred06

Yeah, this is my answer as well. Unlimited wealth. Only problem is you have to deal with a fucking goose.


umbreon64

Rake in the lake


KILK3M3X

*Honk honk*


VBgamez

Hjønk Hjønk


[deleted]

Hjönk Hjönk Am Goose!


Sapphire_Dragon793

Honque Honque


Elriidh

HINJYAKU HYNJAKU THUNDER CROSS SPLIT ATTACK!


qwerty_38

Operation:Rake in the lake


Emperor_of_Alagasia

Im gonna get a million dollars


jiibbs

Quick question, Sarge, are we throwing a rake in the lake or raking **in** the lake?


scubasteave2001

How do you make him put on the sun hat?


[deleted]

Wait for him to use the trowel and when he bends over steal his hat and run through the goose hole when the gate is locked.


lldumbcloudsll

Don't forget to honk at him to establish dominance


Frownx

If migrating Canadian Geese have taught me anything it’s feed them and hope to God that they don’t fucking maul you


Rotor_Tiller

Nothing in this world seems more like proof god exists than the fact that the hand of a man fits so perfectly around the neck of a goose.


Montoya715

There’s a penis joke in here somewhere.


EmbarrassedLock

Inflation is creeping from a corner


anooblol

Until you cut it open to get more golden eggs, only to kill your only source of wealth, and gain a valuable life lesson.


[deleted]

[удалено]


anooblol

This person never read the actual story. Here’s the summary: Guy is poor. Guy is not greedy. Guy gets a goose that gives him golden eggs. He is super grateful. Eventually he buys a lot. Now he wants more. He is not satisfied with 1 egg per day. He tries to get multiple eggs hiding in the goose. But he was blinded by greed. Now he is poor and sad again.


pedropedro123

I've read the story and somehow never realized what a total dumbass that guy is. Probably had mental problems, greed should be the least of his concerns.


Zitter_Aalex

In germany we got the term "Eierlegende Wollmilchsau“ which is the equivalent to the Englisch „jack of all trades device" / "swiss army knife“. It’s basically describing an animal that would have been the dream of every farmer. Eierlegend = egg laying Woll = Wool Milch = Milk Sau = Pig Pretty sure it’s a very old word for obvious reasons but I really like it. While not as pet surely but imagine it from a genetic point of view. What the future could bring


sillypicture

typical german. "Egglaying woolmilkpig" we have a word for that in english. *platypus*


NPC_no_786

Wool and pig doesn't fit. Egglaying venomous? duckbilled milksweat mammal. How do this translates in German?


Elaszat

Schnabeltier. Literally billed animal, or beak animal. We're not very creative.


DarkLordFluffyBoots

Germans are known for their efficiency, not creativity.


bonez656

Sounds like a [Shmoo](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmoo)


Threspian

“Shmoos are delicious to eat, and are eager to be eaten.” That does not seem like a species destined for survival


Lowelll

I mean, "being useful to humans" is a pretty rad evolutionary trait for survival.


wanderingstorm

tiny cat sized dragon


loopsydoopsy

I want one of those mini dragons they pulled out of a bag in Harry Potter.


poopellar

Looks like the cat sized dragon is out of the bag.


jbsdv1993

Yes! First time i read part 4 i sooooo wanted that Edit: also, where did that little dragon go?


Mr_Salmonn

big dragon sized cat


Flamin_Jesus

This is how humanity ends.


hearke

we would be _fucked_


impablomations

Sounds like a Swamp Dragon from the Terry Pratchett Discworld series. https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Swamp_dragon I hope you aren't too attached to your eyebrows....


Flash_Baggins

And I also hope you dont have any mirrors in your house


astromech_dj

Lockheed!


Lupus_Noir

I think the technical term would be fae, although i always thought that fae was another word for fairy. Maybe fairy dragon?


wolfchaldo

Fairy dragon is the term used in D&D


GeneralShrewdPiper

Or pseudodragon! They're cute too!


TheCheesy

Easy, a Genie! Where are my wishes?


pc_watertank

Hello, genie here! In order to pass as a pet, I'll be disguised as a cat whenever others are around. And true to cat form, I'll ignore your inquiries 80% of the time. But 20% of the time, I'll zoom around your house, granting wishes like crazy.


mr_sto0pid

Will the disguised cat genie wear a hat?


junkmutt

Yes, it's required genie uniform.


genderfuckingqueer

That’s adorable


I_Am_Become_Dream

Arab guy here. There’s a common superstition that genies (djinn) sometimes disguise themselves as cats, especially black cats. When I was in 4th grade we used to gather around a circle and tell scary djinn stories, a lot of them involving demonic black cats.


maplecreme006

I want a Griffin! I could have a bunch of things like at once and it can fly.


stinkbug2000

But I think lore-wise, in the presence of a Griffin you must tell the truth. That shit would get old real quick, especially if you have kids!


Tea-acH-Cee

Wow, that makes [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RoCnwJm1iBo) scene from Family Guy make so much more sense. Peter couldn’t lie about his name because a Griffin was present.


aztech101

You have officially put more thought into than the writers, congratulations.


[deleted]

That was like a season 3 bit iirc. I think they still cared then.


ninjakaji

I don’t know, family guy does have some dumb jokes but they do have a lot of attention to detail


ThatOneCloaker

But on the flip side, so do your kids (as well as everyone else!)


jbsdv1993

My mom always wanted a cheshire cat


thedudeabides42069

oh fuck no


jbsdv1993

She was a kid when she saw Alice for the first time and was so sad when she found out they werent real


Pawn315

A lot of people are saying dragon, but I am going to be more specific. A D&D Silver Dragon. Noble, intelligent, and enjoy interacting with humanoid races. They fight evil when it shows up at their doorstep, but aren't ones to actively seek it out to destroy it (not the stereotypical douche-y paladin type of fighting evil). They have powerful and diverse magical abilities including the ability to change their form and they typically prefer going around in humanoid societies in disguise. It would be less a pet and more a friend. Crap. That last part sounded really pitiful. Oh well, keeping it.


TheTomBombadil

Said the same thing. So many people dont know the extent of magic that dnd dragons possess. Not to mention their breath weapons and supreme intelligence.


wolf-of-ice

Except white dragons. They dumb.


TheTomBombadil

Also evil. I think i would prefer a Metallic dragon that wouldnt eat my face.


TitaniumDragon

Pretty sure that you'd more be their pet than vice-versa.


Pawn315

Honestly, still probably very beneficial to every aspect of my life.


feelingcuteo

Id fuck it


Zoheir14

I also choose this guys mythical Pet


dannyboy6657

A tree ent. I can travel on his shoulder everywhere. Plus he can go “tree? I am no tree. I am an ent.”


[deleted]

You can't fault the logic with this one.


zagreus9

Dragon - no hesitation. Or Cerberus. I like dogs, and this is dogs x 3


pickledickle12

I thought cerberus was a creature, not an actual "breed" of dog ahaha.


Notquitegravy

It is Hades 3 headed dog whos name when roughly translated actually ends up meaning spot


LightweaverNaamah

Thank you Dresden Files for that wonderful bit of knowledge.


Zymyrgist

Let me get this straight. You're the Lord of the Underworld...and you named your dog Spot?


AroToTheKnee

he spots sinners and murders them


ddom77

Cerberus est in via


NormalHuman01

How many lives could I destroy with a dragon? At least 5.


Lipsovertits

Isn't cerberus like 3 stories high though? Its more like dogs x n + 3 , n = 30.


Back2Bach

The Cheshire Cat https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheshire_Cat#/media/File:Tennel_Cheshire_proof.png It could sit on a tree limb outside my bedroom window and grin at me.


TheBukkitLord

Succubus


Fml3tiar

That's some dangerous sex you're gonna get...


[deleted]

Some people just want to go out with a bang.


TitaniumDragon

Pretty sure you'd be *their* pet.


[deleted]

Is this supposed to be a bad thing?


homurablaze

dosent matter had sex


passthepass2

With her power, you don't need Assassin's murdering politicians anymore.


[deleted]

madlad


InsomniacBME

Dragon. I would save so much money on gas and plane tickets.


OpenRole

And spend so much on feeding it


MN_Davis

Just fly him into a prison yard and let him eat criminals.


[deleted]

Or the nearest school. That works too.


p1zz4eater

Unicorn


w4646

Do you own a horse? Because you could just get a horse. Only difference is the horn


passthepass2

Unicorn's blood makes you immortal


Redneckalligator

But you will live a half life, a cursed life.


CutterJohn

Hows that different than now?


Redneckalligator

Good point


SupremeDictatorPaul

But do you need to kill the unicorn for the blood? Have wizards never heard of a syringe? I’d just draw a little blood each day for use (or however frequently it’s required). Otherwise, the unicorn would have a great life. Heck, does it keep well if frozen in liquid nitrogen? I could draw some, use a little, freeze the rest for later. Who knows how frequently I’d even need to bother my unicorn.


bummercitytown

Horses aren’t exactly mythical though.


w4646

Sure, but for example a Pegasus is. At least they can fly. Why would one want a unicorn over a pegasus? Is it the rainbow shitting?


Valatros

Really depends on your brand of unicorn. Most are extremely powerful uh... holy-aligned magical creatures, basically. Some enforce magical calm, some read minds, some are an absolute *wellspring* of magical items, with tears, blood, hair, etc. all doing different things and being reproducible. Some have incredible healing powers. Some have *perfect* universal awareness of your needs and an unfathomable ability to fulfill them. Some have a smattering of the above. They're kinda fantasy's silver age Superman. They have whatever powers whoevers writing them wants them to have at the time.


BulkDiscountAbortion

But you can’t ride one unless you are a virgin.


p1zz4eater

I guess most of Reddit would be fine then


heyimnate88

Some shape shifting creature. God knows what you can do with that


inportantusername

So a mimic?


Jungleman6

No, a Ditto. You’d just have to make it wear sunglasses to hide those creepy as fuck eyes when you get it to turn into your hot neighbour.


JulianPaagman

Isnt that just the ditto from that one episode? I think that ditto was just retarded


Jungleman6

No idea, I’m referring to the one in Detective Pikachu.


JulianPaagman

Ah havent seen detective pikachu, i think there was a ditto in an early epusode of the anime that sucked at doing what it is supposed to do, and couldnt transform completely, his face would look stupid


[deleted]

I am a simple person so... A dragon, of course. A tiny one like the lizards in Pern (dream pet) or or a big one, so I can be a rider! Otherwise a gryphon, fly, fluff and part-cat so perhaps more affectuous!


StuckInBed4Ever

Toothless


slicshuter

This is the correct answer


mackenzie_marie09

Centaur. A boyfriend and a pet all in one.


nakonami

He will fuck you like a horse


wolfchaldo

Even better


vestymcboonerhole

to each their own...


mackenzie_marie09

If he’s hung like a horse even better


AnotherRandomHero

When he shits you need a clean up after him


mackenzie_marie09

Meh that’s nothing I don’t already do for my current boyfriend and dog 🤷🏼‍♀️


Stekun

WHY ARE YOU DATING YOUR DOG


mackenzie_marie09

BECAUSE WE ARE IN LOVE.


drlqnr

you can ride him and he can ride you


Rabidleopard

You'll walk with a permanent limp


[deleted]

Why walk when you can fly? A hippogryph.


idontpostbutiupvote

Cthulu


raidersoffical

Why?


idontpostbutiupvote

*And make him kill and torture my victims and enemies and everyone Who Disrespected me*


raidersoffical

Understandable


idontpostbutiupvote

But what the heck


idontpostbutiupvote

The question said PET so he would do as I say and be friends with me


Kahoots113

What if he is more like a cat than a dog? He will loosely tolerate you as long as you feed him.


Wotah_Bottle_86

Let's be honest with ourselves, you'd probably become the pet of Cthulhu.. if you're lucky..


idontpostbutiupvote

I will just masturbate in front of him until he begs me to stop


lowercasetwan

Just like a cat


[deleted]

I don't play Pokémon but charizard is badass


satanic_pony

Until you realise you don't have enough badges and it won't listen to you.


maaaliyah

Can a cartoon animal count? Ever since ATLA aired, I wanted a flying bison. They're just so big and fluffy, and so loving and loyal. I still want one.


doctor-sleep-

Jake gyllenhall


TophCookie

I want an [Appa](https://avatar.fandom.com/wiki/Appa) , from Avatar: The Last Airbender


[deleted]

[удалено]


Szpartan

Technically the question doesn't ask for a species, just a mythical creature. One could argue that Appa is in fact a mythical creature and thus, an acceptable answer to OPs question.


Eenukchuk

You better have a good job. Can you imagine how much he eats? Let's not even get into his sky pooping.


blueyork

A cat that listens to me.


Relictorum

They *all* listen, they just don't care.


[deleted]

From a Russian fairy tale. gold fish


[deleted]

[удалено]


PersistENT317

Yep. This is the one I came in here for. Money and shiny shit from everywhere!


Ayfios

A girlfriend


[deleted]

[удалено]


swurvinmervin

Charmander


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

F


OV3NBVK3D

Motherfucking donkey from shrek. Yeah he might get annoying but goddamn he would beat the fuck out of depression.


Mojothewonderdog

I think Donkey would make an awesome wing man. He would totally make you laugh and forget that you struck out. Plus he can give you a ride home if you are to drunk to drive.


RetardedGaming

Cerberus is three good bois in one


aabrithrilar

A dragon. Not a full scale behemoth, but small enough to sit on my shoulder and shoot fire at people who get too close to it. It’s a cat with fire breathing capabilities.


SleepyLoner

Does a Mythical Pokemon count? I choose Victini.


dawhitehaus

Nu uh. Celibi. He travels through time


PM_ME_SOME_CAKES

Nu uh. Jirachi. He grants wishes


EnderCreeper121

I choose arceus so he can make me any other creatures I want


Crawly49

I choose Gardevior so I can fuck it


Sipredion

ಠ_ಠ


[deleted]

A genie. Step 1: ask for infinite wishes Step 2: have all the pets i ever want


platonicwartortle

The genie would love you forever and join you on wacky adventures in a spinoff series if you wish him free.


OhioMegi

Pegasus


rvrscentaur

jersey devil or luck dragon


WallflowersAreCool2

Cinderella's forest friends who would happily clean my house


Cyanide_Kitty_101

A dragon the size of a large dog, so it can still fit into the house for cuddles but also be terrifying to those who wrong me.


taurawhi

Phoenix no question


plusoneforautism

Loch Ness Monster. At the low price of only $3.50 that should be a bargain!


Benetton_Cumbersome

An Platypus.


AnotherRandomHero

Not just any platypus, Perry the Platypus


drlqnr

curse you perry the platypus


Poseidon7296

Give me a bowtruckle, small, very protective and will rip out my enemies eyes.


Nox013Venom

What about a horse sized jumping spider? So is it just me? Okay I leave...


ItsGrampasNutsack

I'd get a squirtle


[deleted]

[удалено]


_r-squared_

A dog that will stay forever youthful


rockyfounatins

Dragon, flaming, flying lizard


float-double

A giraffe. /s


King_Kongs_Left_Nut

Gorgon. I like statues.


IngilizAdam

Definitely a TARDIS. Technically, it has a soul so it's a living thing.


ButtsArePeopleToo

Keanu Reeves


Pantelima

Y'all are sleeping in nifflers


[deleted]

Flying pegasus or Griffin (gryffin?)


LukeTheDieHardLeafer

A Phoenix would be really cool. It’s literally a giant bird with fire for feathers.


InNotes

Shrek. I would make him my daddy and let him spank me all day


TJwhosurmomma

You could have just not answered the question Edit: Thanks for silver!


Szpartan

*Shrek is love, Shrek knows no bounds.*


virtualbasil

... wtf


Skillz_mcgee

A dragon. No questions. I would ride that big guy to school. I would go hunting. I would be the badass of the school since I have a dragon.