Accidentally pissing just a few more drops when you tuck it back in
There is a trick for this that is not well known when you’ve finished peeing and feel empty. Push up between the ball sack and anus (gooch) several times. You will pass a further three or so streams of urine and will no longer suffer from piss dribbles that stain the front of your pants.
Thank me later
The world of men is more mysterious than I thought
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.” - Elaine
When it’s not big enough for either is my answer. -me
Play it where it lies.
Yeah but you’ll never look at anything hole-shaped innocently again.
Holy shit, yes, this was a game changer that I found here on Reddit. I wear light blue scrubs, and the little dribble wet spots would show up so clearly, it made me so frustrated. The behind the balls bump and shake finally gave me a solution that always works. I'm going to pass it on to my sons when they're old enough to need it
fun fact, if you diddle that area while wanking you can get a better orgasm too .....
edit: 12.35 pm
This comment turned out to be really popular, go figure. I'm glad I could help make you heathens' day just a little bit better. Hope you all enjoy this newfound pleasure lol.
I hope he doesn’t pass that along to his sons too
No need. I told them already.
Female here. I learned that from a guy I dated years ago. I just asked him what he liked while I was giving him a bj and he told me about this.
Wait until you try a vibrating buttplug.
That's what friends are for man.
Throw in the toothpaste tube squeeze and a dab with TP and you can be confident you’ve gotten every drop.
You put toothpaste on your dickhole?
Dentists hate this one simple trick
1 out of 10 likes it!
How do you do this at a urinal
Either they aren’t looking or they are already looking.
discretely during the shake
So a 2 handed shake with a stroking motion? Got it
Stoke the guy next to you for best results
Oh he'll be stoked.
Ask a passer by for a hand.
Commenting so I can come back and thank you
Just get calicocut pants. 2 dots on the pants, got nothing to do with piss. That’s the style. Just be sure to GIVE
You gotta squeeze it like a toothpaste tube to get it all out, then use toilet paper to wipe the rest off.
Having the balls that come with it... yea lets just stick some random items in the outside of your body in an easily injured place that can floor you with pain if they get a flick that wouldn't hurt a 2 year old
Edit: i never thought i would read so many comments about testicles
Evolution doesn't care about silly things like "convenience". The first outside-ball-havers found one another and made more. Nature fucks.
Wait a second...
'Outside-Ball Havers' sounds like that band your older brother plays in
Evolution didn't take pants into consideration, ey?
Man, just yesterday I crushed a nut getting out of my car. I could feel it in my stomach for 20mins after. Hot weather and saggy old balls = pain.
When i shit and i need to pee, there is a specific angle that i have to avoid, otherwise the piss will pass underneath the lid and go allover my pants and floor. You sometimes forget about it, but when it happens you curse yourself and your dick
Oh god, this just happened a few months ago and it was super embarrassing.
Wake up at like 3am needing to piss. Get up, sit on the toilet and go. As I’m pissing I notice the floor was wet so I kinda use my foot to move the bath mat to dry it thinking it’s water from my wife’s shower before bed. As I’m getting back into bed I notice my boxers are wet. Half asleep I’m just take them off and go back to bed and don’t really think about it.
Wake up the later that morning and when I realized I was naked I remember what happened and realized it was probably my piss from between the seat and toilet. I get up and while drinking my morning coffee thinking about how I’m going to wash the bath mat, my wife comes down the stairs with it in her hand, pressed up to her face and SMELLING IT, saying she thinks the dog pissed on the bath mat. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, so I also blamed it on the dog…
Your poor wife.
I still remember the time I saw my daughter flossing herself after pooping with my tea towel I keep in the bathroom to dry my face after washing it. I asked her how long she had been doing it. Apparently since she could remember. I'd been drying my face with her ass flossing towel for well over a year at least. Horrified. I do wash them weekly and change it out every few days but my God. Never trust shit in my house.
> Never trust shit in my house.
Grew up a latch key kid, with absentee parents, had to learn almost everything myself. One thing I prised more than anything was a clean towel, family all knew I always had a clean towel. So my towel was always the go to spot for a clean one. Had to start hiding my clean towels due to this.
Fast forward, I now have 4 gremlins under 12 living with me, I never have a clean towel. Tools, socks, remotes, games, forks, cups... Where do they take the dishes is what I want to know, like really where. Our house is not that big or that dirty, but where the fuck are the dishes going.
Basement is where the laundry and pantry are, kids found out that flour fights were fun last week. Built a fort out of all the clothes, dirty, and clean and had a good ole time. Do you know how hard it is to wash four out of clothes, its like half a full load, pre soak, and wash twice to get that shit out.
Wife handed me a towel this morning, after I had dripped dried, I hid it in my sock drawer, I have very little hope it will be there tonight.
Kids are worth it, kids are worth it, kids will be worth it, I hope it will, I hope it will, I hope it will.
Cross your fingers that you never fall down a well.
Poor lassie (the dog, not your wife)
Yes, huge problem for myself and other growers
On the other side of the spectrum, having to sit in a very specific place so your head doesn't touch the toilet bowl.
Every time I feel that cold porcelain against my helmet, my immediate thought is AIDS. And I wipe my junk off with toilet paper as fast as possible.
Still aids free!
As a grower with huge balls, this should be classified as a disability for me.
Other problem: when on the toilet and pooping and leaning over it will sometimes hit the inside of the toilet bowl. Now if that doesn't leave you feeling violated. Idk what will
The kiss of death... and that's why I devote my life to advocating a good pooping posture!
this happened to me like 10 times last year and I never told anyone that this ever happened in my whole life 🤣
when it makes most of your major life choices
This. But also when it doesn’t live up to its name on the main stage…. If you catch my drift
If a man can’t get hard, it’s embarrassing for the man.
If a woman can’t get wet, it’s also embarrassing for the man.
It’s an unfortunate one for sure.
Edit: people, it’s not that serious. I think all normal people know these are also embarrassing for the woman too. It’s just a comment on how society in general views it.
this hurt but was mildly validating in a sick/twisted way. 😥
In all honestly, which would you rather be good at taking?
That’s so weird because we don’t care that we don’t get wet. It’s more so annoying when we want to get crazy but it’s dry as desert. Note to guys - we don’t blame YOU. We blame our bodies for being stupid and not taking hints
that's why you rub one out everytime you make big decisions
That’s how I got kicked out of sears
*Gets to car dealership, rubs one out on sales floor*. “Nahh I think I’ll just stick with the beater I got.
the power of post nut clarity is real
Last time I did that, people around me were very offended
In my early 20s I gave up a very nice government job over for pussy.
I quit college to take care of my mentally ill now ex fiancee, gave her thousands of dollars, and tried for years to get her life together. Damn near destroyed mine in the process, and she's never been appreciative.
You can’t rescue someone. It’s ego that causes us to try, but it always takes you down.
A lesson I have truly not learned. My best friend has despised everyone Ive dated because I fall for very broken women.
Money is temporary. Knowing you smashed is forever.
I gave up a 3 bed house with half the market rent (social housing)
Randon urge to just jerk off.
If I was a man I’d do this all day long
We do, then we regret, then we get back to doing it again. Never ending vicious cycle.
Girl just get a vibrator
I dunno if it's just me. I feel like if it's done too frequently in the same day it actually hurts.
I'll give you a secret, it's not just those with a penis who feel this
Bro I just want to go pee when I wake up in the morning, but my cock is managing to cock block me with a boner each time
Weird that so many men can’t pee with boners. I’ve never had that problem as a guy
Edit: I do have a downward curve though
Oddly enough I remember bringing this up with a Urologist and he said the body is designed like that so urine doesn’t interfere with sex/ejaculation. But that in some men that mechanism is weakened and pee is able to get through.
It gets hard at worst fuking times. Like funeral.
Hey! I know that one from Terraria!
All the questions related to having one, like ‘who’s is that’ or ‘why is it preserved in a mason jar’.
"Why is it labeled 'Smallpox Subject #11'?" Is the one for me that always ruins a perfectly lovely dinner date.
The expectations that come along with it
*stares intensely at penis* DANCE FOR ME FOOL!
( in my best roger voice from american dad)
Not enough upvotes on this one. This is like 90% of mental health issues for men.
Random embarrassing boners
You can manually kill your boner. Just flex a muscle in your body(thighs or calves work great) to send all your excess blood to it.
After a short time of concentrating all your extra blood into that muscle, your random embarrassing boner will be no more.
Too late, grandma already saw it.
And it made the funeral very awkward.
I got so good at the flip and tuck under the waist band in high school… but now my dick is at a 45• angle… works well for sex though
Was always jealous of the guys who went up like that, mine can’t bend up
The worst was when it was in the middle of class
That's why i quit teaching.
You’ll never catch me wearing sweatpants.
When I'm ready for sexy times but it goes "eh I don't really feel like it"
And the day after while watching a random tv-show by yourself, it goes “hell yeah! it’s tiime!!”
This happened to me last week...
The girl I was seeing was upset with me but I can't control it
First time I was messing around with a woman I really liked in my early 20s the dam thing wouldn't do what it's supposed to do, she even started sucking it and nothing, I was like this has never happened before is there something actually wrong with me health wise cause this shouldn't happen to a dude in his 20s always horny and like yes a naked woman and she's going down on me. After a minute she told me fuck you you don't actually find me attractive or really like me. I was flabbergasted and didn't understand why it wasn't working as she got dressed left and told me she wanted nothing to do with me.
I was like well this fucking sucks.
WAKE THE FUCK UP SHES NAKED.
Post 30 eh? Yeah me too. Ain't it a fucking drag bro?!
He doesn't tell jokes but still gets laughed at
All laughs but no clapping
Wet dreams are extremely annoying
I still have them occasionally in my 30s even, it’s annoying, like I still need to bust virtually daily or it will happen
You gotta learn how to swim.
For me, phimosis... Its a slightly tight foreskin.
I had mine corrected about 10 years ago.
Sensation is a little different but I guess it's better than the tightness of the past.
Hair getting caught in it
Pube in the foreskin is awful
Just wait until you get your girlfriend's hair inexplicably deep in the hole.
Some of the worst pain that doesn't affect your nuts.
Have you had the std test where they stick a tiny needle thing in the hole?
Enough Reddit for today
Hold on, hold on... ***IN***?
I'm assuming between the foreskin and head, not in the urethra.
Zippers become hazardous!
"How the hell did you get the beans above the frank?!"
Wear underwear, you filthy animal!
When your poop fals into the toilet water and splashes reach it.
Ahahhahahahahahahaaa fuck, Poseidon's rimjob
Even worse is when the tip brushes the water or the edge of the bowl..
Yeah… yeah I have this…. Problem…. All the time. I can totally relate to this comment for sure
Yeah...me too...I uh..have to be careful...not...to...flush it
This water sure is cold.
Yeah… mine… uh… got stuck in the septic tank once… I’ve uh… learned to tie it up before going to the bathroom…
This guy dicks
> the tip brushes the water
What the fuck, how long is your dick hanging? Like forearm lenght?
Like Little Foot's grandpa going for a drink of water.
Always throw some toilet paper to reduce the splash impact 💦🧻
It has will of his own.
Having to keep polishing it multiple times a day
When you pee but no matter what you do the last bit of pee won’t come out for no good fucking reason until THE FUCKING SECOND you put it back in your pants.
Give a few pushes up behind the sack, solves that problem.
Having to refrain from spinning it around like a baby elephant discovering their trunk.
Personally, mine is like a light switch. To each their own 😂
I had a Size anxiety for years as a younger man: Am I too big? Too small? Too fat? Too skinny? Will people see it through my swim shorts? Am I less/more of a man for having a pendulous appendage?
It’s like having a form of anorexia but soley associated with penis size.
The amount of times I passed on sex during that time for fear of someone seeing my Willy ‘in the flesh’ is saddening.
Over it now though thankfully 😅
I can answer only one of the questions: yes. Yes, people unfortunately will see it through any swim shorts
And gym shorts and sweat pants.
I work a register and I swear I can see the dicks of roughly 25% of all men who walk in.
I have two brains, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
Its a very vulnerable and fragile part in a male body. Theres a dude in my class that got his crotch kicked during fight between schools. The next day he showed us his enlarged left nut with a severely bruised penis..turns out his intestines somehow got into his scrotum. The doc diagnosed it as inguinal hernia if im not mistaken.
I usually hate the “what an unfortunate day to be literate” comments, but good God this one is horrific.
Every men who read this has felt a small amount of that pain
People assuming I like sports
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"
"what was Wenger thinkin bringing Walcott on that early?"
"The thing with Arsenal is they always try to walk it in!"
Inconvenient boings must be top
Possibility to get drafted to war
That depends on your penises citizenship. My penis is Canadian and can't be drafted.
It’s hard sometimes..
when he gets tired at the wrong moment
you dont have a dick. a dick has you
For me I had a accident and now I have a scar in my urinary tract. The side effects are now a never ending battle of never knowing if the pain from peeing is a UTI or the scar. Every single time I pee there’s blood in my urine now on a micro level. (Tested clean for any STD’s and infections. Doctors don’t know why I’m still peeing blood, I went to a urologist and he thinks it’s a scar or a “urethral stricture”) lots of fucking side effects of this, look it up. My sexual habits have changed as I used to last a longer time in bed but now it’s like I’m almost premature sometimes. I can get UTI’s easier and sometimes I can’t empty my bladder completely or it’s overactive and I piss every 5-15 minutes if I drink too much water at one time. THE REAL KICKER is the only treatment is dilation(fuck no I’m not even considering that). Or surgery. So that’s been the worst part about having a penis for me since I was 18
Edit: I wrote that first paragraph after taking a piss,
This edit is to inform everyone I’m back and just finished peeing again..oh would you look at that 15 minutes later. Fuck I wanna chop it off sometimes
I ask every single human being with a penis, no matter your size, or shape, YOU LOVE and you worship your penis everyday and you be great-full to have a working fuction-as-intended penis. For those who don’t have a working one. I’m there with you. We will prevail!
You and your dick deserve better :(
I legit thought I was the only one. Been 20+ years with this garbage. I feel your pain.
yikes man I’m sorry you have to go through that
Boners out of nowhere, and wet dreams (sometimes).
I’ve never had a wet dream
You don’t get to choose the size of it 😂
I would like a standardized size to avoid all insecurities of this issue. Some mathematical proportional size, like the length of the wingspan is supposed to equal your height.
Having a prostate attached to it.
It’s just unreliable.
If you have an unreliable prostate, you might wanna go see a doctor my dude
The fact that one of the most sensitive parts of the MALE human body is just hanging in between our legs for the world to beat and destroy. That's why sack tapping is a thing.
The other is erections. For a woman, getting wet is at least easy to hide. Yeah it may be uncomfortable if it's wet enough because of chafing, and my partner has mentioned something about twitching but idk much about that one. For either a sexually active, or very hormonal man, erections will happen daily.
When a dick is erect, it point upwards. If a dick is pointing downwards before you're erect, it is a very uncomfortable and sometimes painful experience depending on how tight your pants are, because the clothing is holding the dick downwards. Think of it like a spring. If you try and move it from anything but upright, it'll resist and try get back up. If you see a man readjust, don't judge him. It was either that or he had to keep walking in discomfort/ pain.
Not to mention random erections. We can get an erection for no reason whatsoever. Like we'd just be washing the dishes and then bam, we got a hard dick pressing into the counter top.
I take a medication that’s a vasoconstrictor. I miss my random erections. The last time I’d stopped taking it for a week or two it was like my dick woke up out of a coma.
not having a pussay
And here I am, wishing I had a dick lol
No one takes you seriously when you express something like feelings.
Man, I was in denial about this for decades because I was raised by strong and caring women that let me speak my mind.
But dude... I'm 34, and the amount of times someone goaded me into opening up about my feelings only to slap me in the face with them is getting scarily high.
They say "No man is an island."
I don't want to be an island. I really don't. I am scared, I feel alone, and I am desperate to be understood.
I have faith that I'll come across the right kind of people. Or that maybe I'll be able to put into proper words the things that others have misinterpreted about me.
It's a journey. Painful but necessary. We will find our kind.
You will find your kind I can promise you that just keep on looking.
I'm a truck driver right and have a few buddies who are truck drivers themselves, last thing society would except is like a big burly, or fat, truck driver breaking down.
Got a text one day from one of my buddies who drives trucks and he said can I call you I'm crying right now and having issues. I thought to myself nah he's pulling my leg but I was like in the off chance let's treat this like it's real and I texted and said sure brother give me a call. He called me and I was excepting haha bro just kidding, nope dude was legitimately broken and first thing he said was you probably think I'm a weak bitch now I was like nope nope I'm here for you I am glad you reaching out for help let's talk about everything you are going through and let's get you past this. That actually made me respect him more and the fact he reached out to me in one of his darkest moments made me realize this dude thinks very highly of me and really values this friendship he has with me. And since then I consider that friend a brother from another mother lol.
But yeah after everything and getting him past stuff we started talking about that and like how fucked up it is how very few men are legitimately down to open themselves up to another man, especially when they need help, because society and our culture has put it in our heads you are weak if you do that or maybe it's gay or whatever and it's like that's a lie we continue to believe.
So 100% if you ever need actual help please reach out to someone you consider a good friend and if he is actually a good dude he will be like let's get you through this I'm here for you and I don't think any less of you as a man for needing and asking for help.
The fact that it's ready to go into anything it shouldn't be.
As a woman seeing men constantly adjust their junk, I'm guessing that the worst part of having a dick is that it never stays where they want it to.
When it can't reach a full erection cus you are so fucken depressed :D
Or because of the meds taken to fight said depression
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their woman
When sitting on the toilet touching the bowl with it
It's embarrassing to walk around with an erection. We have tricks to try and hide it, but they don't always work.
Having to worry about testicular torsion every day
It’s fine just go to your local mechanic and get some new testicular torsion bars and it’ll even that baby right out
I lost one due to a torsion. It was so bad that it blew up to about three times it's normal size. They thought it was cancerous mass so they removed the testicle. Turns out it was just a blood pocket due to the torsion. This was the worst pain I have ever felt.
r/usernamechecksout (sorry to hear that)
What are you doing that you worry about that daily?
One of my colleagues got it just from getting out of a van... that shit is scary
Buddy of mine got it in his sleep and awoke from the pain. He actually lost his ball..
If I didn't worry about it before...
The fear of it being accidentally cut off?
sudden standing ovation
The morning wood when you want to turn onto your stomach in bed but your dick's like "no" so you got to like be at a angle like your dick is a kick stand.
when the hair of the balls starts clipping on the dick
When your wife doesn’t feel like playing with it and you feel depressed and pathetic stroking it all alone in secret on the toilet every damn day because otherwise you know you are not thinking straight and will base literally any decision on „his“ preferences.
Falling asleep in your pants with your belt on and waking up with morning wood and your cock is bent and then it hurts for like five minutes after
Sometimes I wake up and my ear is bent and crushed between my head and pillow and it really hurts for a few minutes. I wonder if that's anything like bent wood.
He has his own opinion about EVERYTHING.
You're born with a predetermined size and length, randomly.....
For me it's retrograde ejaculation which happens about one in every 10 times I cum. The semen doesn't come all the way out and gets into my urethra. It burns like a motherfucker and when you try to piss it out, you only get out a few drops at a time. If left untreated it will burn for an hour or longer.
Fortunately, I discovered a treatment. Using shower or sink, I expose the head of my penis to a stream of hot water, as hot as the water can be without burning me. After a minute of this, I'm able to piss in full and then the pain stops. Yes, I've pissed down sink drains, nasty sure but better than being in agony.
At least there's a good reason for you to urinate in sinks/shower drains. And I have no doubt you rinse the drain after you finish. I used to piss down sink drains and in the shower [not during a shower, that was gross to me I guess] when I was a kid. I was afraid if I flushed a toilet when I was supposed to be in bed a monster would come out and get me... I was a real hassle to my parents.
Not having anywhere to put it
Having your worth being determined by its size