A bit much

Wait wait I don’t remember eating a complete failure?!?!

They disguise it with hidden calories by using its scientific name

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

I’m fast, cheap, and easy

I'm Not Fucking Much, thank you.

Username absolutely checks out.

Can't always use this joke: but when a chance comes up...

Fucking excellent, underrated answer here, so accurate

“You’ll never be too much for me”

Now kiss

Cuuuuuuut. You have to act with more emotions.

Ummm you're the one acting...

I want you to do it again but this time happier and with your mouth open

Truly outstanding, a comment worthy of praise. John Grisham calls this comment "The future of comments" Rush Limbaugh says "A comment that represents America!"

underrated = top comment

I'd be patat 🍟

But it's friet

The inverse of this being - not enough 😞

Damn, I was hoping that I'd open this thread and for once the joke I'd thought of wouldn't be the top answer. C'est la vie.

If I could award you, I would. This….is the answer.

Username checks out

Grease, mostly

As I'm sitting here eating a QP of cheese cooked in bacon grease topped with 3 slices of bacon then rolled and put into a tortilla once again cooked in lovely bacon grease seasoned up with old bay, salsa and chipotle sauce, I understand and feel the chest pains your comment causes our kind to feel. Stay greasy brother (or sister/unidentified martian)

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I'm a spagooty noodle, thyroid problems run in my family, but they run too fast so they trip and fall around 25 and stay on the floor. Luckily I'm only 21 so mines still running

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Grease is the word

But i had chicken..so... B-B-B-BIRD BIRD BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD

Bread. God, I love bread.

If I could eat garlic bread every day for the rest of my life I would

But youd get fat

Bread makes you fat?

I don’t do drugs. Unless you do drugs, then I do lots of drugs.

Haha, that movie is probably the only one I could rewatch as much as I want and never get bored with it

Same. Every time I’m surfing Netflix and I see it on my list, I’m like “yeah, fuck it, I’ll watch it again.”

I feel ashamed but may I ask what movie?

Scott Pilgrim vs the World

I'm in lesbians with this movie.

This guy fucks

Plain bread, bread with butter, bread with hot sauce

"I know everything they is to the bread'n business. Bread is the fruit of the pantry. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it. There's bread kabobs, bread creole, bread gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir fried..."

i just got diagnosed with celiac why did i open reddit

If you get a bread machine, all sorts of fun breads can still be yours. LMK if you want any GF recipes. There are also some really good GF brands in stores now. Canyon Bakehouse and Schar are two of my favorites. The good GF stuff is definitely more expensive than the same quality of gluten-filled baked goods, but it's out there, I promise. This is not the end.

i’d love some recipes, i’ve just been informed that we do have an ancient bread machine sitting somewhere in our basement lol

That’s about it.

glad that there is someone wierd like me... bread and hot sauce....

Bread 👍

If bread was a low cal diet food, i would have no more problems in life.

I bake my own bread rolls. They're practically gone 10 minutes after coming out of the oven. That melted butter..

Bread is so fucking good.

A mess. based on my diet I am a jumbled mess...

So you had jambalaya for lunch?

Honey Nut Cheerios

I heard that's what LaLa Anthony tastes like.

is that a one thing or are they 3 different things

A fuckin Potato. With various shapes and sizes, shredded, mashed, boiled and fried. Atleast some parts of me.

Stick 'em in a stew.

Po-tae-toes. Boil em Mash em Sick em in a stew

Spoiling nice fish. Give it to usss, RAAAW and WRRRRIGGLING! You keep nasty chips

Do they come prefucked or do you do it yourself?

Omnipotatoent

A human.

*suspicious Fry face*

I checked his profile, and he sure asks Reddit a lot of questions. I’m starting to think he’s one of them fancy shape shifting lizard thingies (like that Zuckerberg fella), and he’s trying to fit into to human civilization. I say we burn him before it’s too late. …. And then eat him. Edit: no wait, we shall not eat him. Cuz if we are what we eat, we will become one of them thingies. Fuck that shit.

*SUSPICIOUS FRY FACE*

Soylent Green is people.

This guy cannibals.

[ FBI has entered the chat ]

That is dark.... My new friend! What is your favorite body part and blood Types?

B positive, helps him maintain his healthy attitude

Thankfully my biology teacher always wrote my blood type at the top of all my papers, so I can confidently say I'm a D minus.

A huge disappointment.

Name.. checks out?

i had one good chicken alfredo... one

so you eat yourself out.

I don't remember eating a handsome bastard.

W confidence

He’s right, we need to investigate. Why is this man so damn beautiful? We need a warrant for his house.

I'm not case zero. I'd go to the original handsome bastards house. Go to Steve's house. Man he is... Was good looking.

And man was he good at a barbecue

And he could play beach volleyball like a Top Gun character

My gosh, this is the best comment 😂

I do, I was prepared for this post!

I'm a noodle

And I am a danger noodle.

I am a breakfast burrito.

An idiot sandwich 🥪

An absolute donut.

wheres the lamb SAUCE

Am the lamb sauce from blue team

*angry brit noise* WHAT ARE YOU???

A RAW idiot sandwich

With stupid pickles

Protein bars and anxiety. Yes you can eat anxiety

I prefer to drink my anxiety.

My anxiety loves raw dogging a quad expresso

The muffin man

The muffin man?

The muffin man.

Who lives on Drury Lane?

Well…she’s married to the muffin man..

The muffin man?!

**THE MUFFIN MAAAN!**

The best part of this chain is that even though those are the actual lyrics to the real song, everyone one of us fully understands that this is a Shrek ~~2~~ reference.

"Not the Gum-drop Button"

*Shrek 1*

Shrek*

Guess my older brother was right all those years ago. I'm a pussy.

No he said you were a smelly cunt. 🤣

"Smelly Cunt"? Hey that's dinner!

Smelly Cunt, smelly cunt, what are they feeding you…

I don't know if I should do this but [r/unexpectedfriends ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpectedfriends?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

r/ihavesex

r/cateatingvegans

That's the wildest sub I've seen in at least a week and a half, thank you for your service

thank god its *unironic* and totally not like r/peoplefuckingdying

This subreddit should be banned. So much unnecessary violence smh my head.

Or they eat cat.

Honestly get incel vibes when someone links this sub at even the slightest mention of sex

you didnt go through what i went through?

You should thank him for not calling you an asshole.

I'm a chicken AND a pussy

gARBAGE

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So your mum? /jk

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Nice!! wait...

Not enough

Cheese, mostly.

Turns out I'm actually 90% cheetos

Shooter: You're in big trouble pal, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? I’m a piece of shit

Dick.

Isn't that a popular dish in England. Spotted dick

Dish, yes. Popular, not outside of a 1970s school canteen.

same

tea and rice crackers, I've been sick to my stomach lately.

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ty, Yesterday I started to recover and I can continue everything normal now.

I'm an ass

Farm boy

Im an innocent man

Billy Joel? Is that you?

I am fat

Hi fat I am dad

I thought you're Ass.. 🤨

I am a potato

Mac n cheese

Fried chicken and crayons.

Found the us Marine

Which color?

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Chocolate

Caffiene, ramen and Texas Toast.

A halfway done fetus? Hmm seems a Lil weird bit ok

You're a bad nugget

Undercooked

Food

I’m a pussy.

redditors dont get pussy, except if you are referring to a cat you sick bastard

This got worse. 1st thought: human pussy, 2nd: eating a cat, 3rd: a cat's pussy. Wait what's worse: 2 or 3??

Depends if 3 is cooked or not.

Meat

They're made of meat.

A child

Eating light? Diets never work for me personally

I read this in the ”What’s worse than a rapist?” meme voice.

Ready to eat apricots

Ass.

Chicken nuggets

Pineapple

Ice cream

Blueberry.

A delicious hamburger 🤤

Pike pru. Tati idiblu klipi otiape ipo tlepree. Pi otle prea i aepei tebikra. Titroiprepo ia kipoi popeta. Ploaa doatleti pipa kedri kitokei atikipe? Uutrukre preataei pito kea ai patai. Aie breia bibrika tupodika prudreople keti. Triblebipre dee tidu ketiape pako pabeki pui otre pae a? Poa ia eba po peki prei pi. Bopike kikloii pei ike kidea gri. Pate u apada klitaue te gipre? Ko blote tiki ekliti krutitle epedekra. Gibedi dadiprii tike ebre ako tua. Gi iti prea kupeati gritle tabrate? Trepike pe batipritra ikupri ipe ateta be. Bepi ke pa kipiiba kletikipa? Iglebe piko pao tripiidi. Ple trikidudo opi blipete teiibipa peke. Doi ieedota i uka botetope po ko. Tite ia pito peke a ipi. Tibetii pii ba kepuki eboo babi? Piba aedi taple pri i tipitlipi pe. Kriti patli ite puie utru ti brepi. Poi ebo tike bladepripa totlope. Iititipi i toi kia dekri dletrute a? Ida greai egu krita etroia pekree. Dri ue pie abi oi. Pleeko ke bri ite ute ketlie? Bribridie krita tei tlipri be epeo tlepi. Iplepa babua pakre kroa tadle pu.

Sometimes a witeout eareser

Goldfish. They come from China. But you are what you eat, so i'm a vagina" - Klaus the Rapper/Goldfish

"Steve is a straight up bitch".

An innocent man.

meth?

I am an Ass.

well i guess im sperm

I’m a vegetable

Beets

What kind of bears eat beets?

Pizza

🌯🥃

A doughnut...

I’m a ravioli.

Pizza

A snack, girls hmu /s

I am a meat popsicle.

I am cottage cheese

Vegan?

A juicy penis perhaps?

Nothing

Right now I’m pancakes and scrambled eggs

Cock

a human

I don't remember eating a legend