T O P

Older men of reddit attracted to younger women, what are your true motives for being in a relationship with someone much younger than you?

Older men of reddit attracted to younger women, what are your true motives for being in a relationship with someone much younger than you?

ideaorigin

>(Assuming that neither partner cares to start or raise a family). Then what do you mean by LTR? FWB for the rest of his days? When you turn 40, you'll still be pretty young, while he will be an old man for you. You won't enjoy touching him. When you're 50, he may be dead already. You will inherit none of his wealth. Other than that, nothing bad in such relationship. ​ >This is the only major problem You should avoid much older men, if that's a problem for you. He is so much older, he can't view you as equal. Believe me (40M), that's just impossible. You two didn't have sex yet? Very puzzling that you are trying to plan the whole life with him, and moving in together. ​ >I do believe that this man genuinely loves me, as he's told me as much Very-very-very bad guy. What he should be telling: whatever happens between you, is temporary. I did. And stopped the whining "but you're so great, and will always be for me" dead on its track. ​ >I don't want to be with a man who may just love my youthful 'attractive' looks and not me. Would he say and do the same, if you were 40? Why didn't he do it before to some other girl? He is rich, he has choices. You are the absolutely best girl in the whole world? ​ >I did mature fairly early throughout my young adulthood due to hardships and personal challenges Probably not. That may actually make you far worse than average. And also vulnerable to an older predator.


xuml

agree


Carl_AR

There are a ton of Countries where this wouldn't matter. But as far as his reasoning it's nearly impossible to say without knowing/meeting him. If he said your young body and mind had nothing to do with his attraction to you he'd be lying. The question is how much. When I read about your own generation men, their work ethics and sometimes even lacking in the bedroom I think I would do exactly what you are doing if I was a woman in my 20's. Get with an older guy. So, I have more understanding for you then him. Sounds like there are those little red flags in how he treats you.


Mike_Hawk_Burns

I’m not an older man but r/AgeGap may be a good resource for you


mikess314

I’ve known several younger women who feel like you feel. Well I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with a large age gap, it can definitely be a red flag. And here’s why. You are looking at it from your own perspective, which gives you a bit of a boost. Look how mature you are. Do you have intellectual and emotional maturity beyond your own age such that you can carry on a functional relationship with someone literally decades older than yourself. You get to feel good about your own advanced maturity, right? But what about him? At his age, he should have grown and developed and matured to a point where someone your age simply cannot be related to. I’m 45. Most of the men my age who date much much younger are themselves very immature. The women they date shouldn’t be able to hold their interest. They are underdeveloped and have wasted many years without any substantial personal growth. Stunted. And again, if they are happy, good for them. But when you look at it from the perspective of the older person, perhaps you can see why this is often an issue. And this is to say nothing about the common occurrence of men trading in their contemporary aged women for younger ones, thereby perpetuating the stereotype that a woman’s value is based in her appearance and desirability.


Professional-Bid7366

Thank you for your thoughtful response. Because I didn't go into too many details in the above post, I must defend this man a little and say that he is very mature, and holds a prestigious job with insane competition for this particular position. I wouldn't disclose of too much here as it's the internet and I don't want to damage this individual's reputation. I neglected to mention, too, that we hold roughly the same STEM majors and we both possess a high IQ (objectively), so we're fussy when it comes to relationships. Regarding his perspective, it's true that he probably doesn't see me as an equal in terms of maturity and in terms of everything overall. It's true that I need to consider the fact that I can't make up for decades of life experience and wisdom I appreciate you sharing this perspective. Lastly, he was single (divorced, without children) when I first met him, so he wasn't necessarily exchanging anything. That said, it's true that society as a whole places too much emphasis on younger women in terms of dating value (younger being associated with more attractive), and I don't necessarily want to perpetuate this stereotype.


throwaway33333333303

> Why are larger age gaps in relationships frowned down upon, and are such relationships doomed to fail over the longer-term? Because there is often/usually a power imbalance between the person who is way more experienced and knowledgeable in life than the person with by comparison little or no experience/knowledge. The older person with more power, knowledge, and confidence will often exploit this imbalance and that's why manipulative tactics like [grooming](https://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/child-sexual-abuse-6-stages-of-grooming/all) are often successful, especially at first. I don't agree that relationships with age gaps are all doomed to fail over the long term (assuming we're talking about situations like yours where there isn't grooming and other massive red flags). However, as someone else in the comments has pointed out, you two are going to be going through vastly different life stages in 20-30 years; he'll be looking for nursing homes and dentures at age 75 and you'll be a spry 55 and probably (hopefully) still physically active, going to work, and so on. Of course that doesn't mean you two can't make it work, I'm just saying that different stages of life involve different challenges and somebody in their 50s might not be so keen to play nursemaid to someone in their 70s. I guess that's a situation where the power imbalance in the large age-gap relationship kind of gets reversed and instead of 'growing old together', one partner is growing old and the other partner is chaperoning them through that process as a caregiver which (not speaking from experience here) I would imagine change the romantic/sexual nature of the relationship or at least have an impact on it or implications for it. > have discussed moving in with one another. Have you discussed marriage first or at all? Moving in together without a serious commitment (that's legally binding) beforehand often doesn't [work out well in the long run](https://ifstudies.org/blog/premarital-cohabitation-is-still-associated-with-greater-odds-of-divorce).


whiskey-palm-trees

I think you're asking two questions here. The first, "true motive" - you're really asking whether or not a guy is looking to get laid by a younger woman. The second - "relationship" - would be just that. I'm a male nurse and I'll tell you, there are no shortages of women who sometimes just need to blow off steam. And quite honestly, they very often want someone who knows what they're doing and isn't just gonna sploosh and screw. At the same time, we all have something very real and intense in common and the idea of forming a relationship with someone younger who I get along with overall is attractive on its face. Same as any other relationship.


Pastelitomaracucho

No true motives. I just like them more. There's no hidden agenda here.


Throwaway-242424

It's not really that deep. Young women look pretty and generally have less baggage.


Ok-Charge-160

Funny as you get older that your brain pretty much stays the same no matter how old you get. Yes you lose a lot of things as you get older, you have eye brows that suddenly want to grow inches long, ear hair doing the same etc but you still have a brain that says your still young and not the age that you truly are. You look in a mirror and it’s obvious your no longer 25.


Tiny-Nature8329

I'm kind of autistic and just about got the emotional countenance and aspirations to satisfy someone around 20... despite being 31. Also I find women my age in the UK were raised to be dead at 25 and buried at 80, the slight generation gap means they'll often be vastly more open minded. Foreign women don't seem to have this problem? Saying that I've dated one person 6 years younger, one 2 years, and one the same age 🤷‍♂️


wallflowr_waifu

My partner (M31) and I (21) have a ten year age gap between us. We both started off as work colleagues but our relationship sounds just like your description. We agreed to date one year as a test to see if we could handle this age gap relationship before we involve family and friends. Well it’s been 3 years now and we still love each other very deeply. My partner still lectures me every now and then but there were moments when he said something in an condescending manner to me. I guess it really does come from them being older than us and having more life experience in general. But even if having more life experience is a fact, I still don’t tolerate him being disrespectful to me so I always lecture him back to the point of him acknowledging his bad manner and apologizing. I’d say give it a try because you two remind me of us. It’s better to know that you have tried it instead of regretting for not trying at all and what could have become of the two of you :)