"Can I check your phone?"
Yes... that happened once.
What exactly where they expecting to find?
Well the conversation was about online dating matches and number of conversations going, how many dates planned etc.
Then she wanted to check if I was telling was true.
Obviously I said no and took this huge red flag seriously and no second date was planned hahaha
Sounds like a reasonable call, asking your date for their phone on your first date is... Damn.
Aight second question, let me smell yo dick
MY EX DID THIS BRO I remember she was like, “I noticed your passcode has a ton of zeros in it.”
On the first date. I only had one because of I had the stupid wallet app enabled, but I turned it off during the relationship. She would constantly check my phone around the time we were breaking up because she accused me of cheating on her. When she cheated on me a few times 🤣.
The proverb where I live would translate to "a thief thinks everyone steals."
that's amazing, i'll have to remember that.
BROOO, had a girl do this to me after sex and I had to use the bathroom. I left my phone on the coffee table and when I get back she asks me "whats with all the comic porn."
Like dude you invaded my privacy and have the gall to ask me about my porn habits and I'm the weird one? Still stuck around for a little while longer tho, I was young and horny.
I’m glad you’re no longer around that yikes
It’s always projection with those people
They wanted to check your phone on a first date?
I do not understand some people…
Hinting around about money is super tacky especially if that’s a dynamic likely at play
Had a pic on my dating profile in front of a sailboat. Matched with a girl who asked if it was mine. I said no, and she unmatched.
I’d hate to own a sailboat, but I’d love to have a friend who has one. All fun without the maintenance work!
I hear there's an expression among people who've owned a boat: "The happiest days of your life are the day you bought it, and the day you sold it."
"A boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into."
Even if you owned it, probably not a bad idea to say no just to weed these people out
Tinder near me is fucking ***FULL*** of women *begging* for a chance to get on someones boat, and any time I've said I don't have a boat they call me broke. I'm sorry but I'm not the one fucking begging strangers to get on their boat, buy your own boat or stop calling other people broke lmao
Will you be paying me with cash app
Paypal for business only so you can chargeback
That's just prostitution with extra steps.
When they ask about last relationships and your former spouse died. Real conversation stopper.
"Do you have both kidneys?"
I haven't really checked.👍🏿
“Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?”
Well I can't smell it all the way over there, bring it closer.👍🏿
This smells like a nap!
>How do you intend on providing the standard of living that I've come to expect from my Daddy?
We talking goats or myrrh?
I was thinking gold, guns, and bullets!
by offering you this opportunity to get in on the ground floor of this once in a lifetime business model
Well, at least she's transparent about it.
A guy I know had a girlfriend once who had indeed exactly these expectations. She probably didn't know it in the beginning (20 years old back then, first BF and all that), but that's precisely what turned her into a nagging shrew a few years down the line.
"im your daddy now"
Why were you arrested for? Was it for Domestic Violence? Was it for rape?
WTF! I have never been arrested!
Wait- do people really ask these kinds of questions? Is that common?
I have been on a date. Where the girl asked me about my criminal history. I told her I had none.
Then she did not believe me. She went through every type of charges (armed robbery to rape to murder) I told her there is nothing here. She felt that it there was something there (red flag in her eyes) and I could not convince her otherwise. It was a disaster.
This is very helpful. She waved every red flag in her arsenal and all you had to do was not break the law to avoid a future date.
Some background check companies online will let you search for a person and it will say
#1 Arrest Record Found for u/Life-Ad4309 !
Unlock details for $19.99.
Then if you actually pay it'll turn out it was for u/Live-Dad4300 instead.
I'd be willing to bet she didn't want to pay
Oh wow that's weird. Yeah definitely sounds like it was a disaster. Like if you go into a date presuming they are a criminal then how would that ever get anywhere?
Maybe that was her type? Idk
>I have been on a date
yall be lyin for no reason
One time I had a woman ask me for my full name and DOB before our first date. She worked as a corrections officer and wanted to look me up in some kind of criminal database before meeting.
I gave it to her, went on the date, then reported her to the state for misusing government resources. Fuck that.
> I gave it to her, went on the date, then reported her to the state for misusing government resources. Fuck that.
Good job that’s illegal.
>I'm sorry, can I take this call? It's my husband.
Actually happened to me.
Meh, it can take time to divorce after separation.
Everyone I know, still calls them ex even while in legal process.
If they aren't an ex, you shouldn't be on a date.
Maybe she just wanted to bail and thought of this genius way to take the pressure off of her. 😂
"Do you promise to never leave me? "
God that scared me 😭
AAAHHH RUN AWAAYYY
My wife asks questions like this and I give her the same answers I always have: "As long as you don't give me any reason to want to leave..."
"How much money do you make?" Hey, lady I am paying you by the hour here let's focus on one thing at the time!
If i were a worm would you still love me?
Yes, dear. I’d be the earth wherein you wriggle. The corpse upon which you feast. And the bird that swallows you whole.
So beautiful .
This is so romantic. When you can meet someones silliness with your own brand of silly and love. Match made in wormy heaven
Ma'am this is a first date
Love you? I would worship you Shai Hulud
Bless the Maker and his water
Bless the coming and going of Him
I like this Duke
"Are your balls equal in dimensions? Have you measured?"
It can easily go to "if not can i measure them"
Greatest pickup line. You can measure my balls any day, baby.
Imagine her taking out vernier calipers from her purse💀
Foreplay with the forceps
"I haven't, are you offering to?"
"I dunno. What about your tits? Are they the same size? Lets measure each-other .."
"Wait, where are you going?"
"To get the measuring tape!"
How big is your penis?
How big is your bank account?
Big FDIC Energy?
Got me loaning so loud
I might show the right girl both on the first date. One of them is reasonably impressive.
I, too, have a big bank account.
Does the size of the bank count?
What's more important is the motion of the ocean
It’s not the size of the account that matters, but how you use it….or something like that.
Oh yeah I love Big Bank Accs.🥵
Are you sure?
Username..... Doesn't.... check out?
Oh! My profile description reads my forearms are big, veiny and thick (because I hit the gym?)
I wonder what you were thinking about 🤔
I love me a big, veiny, and thick bank account
So do I. Huge. So big, in fact it makes the balance look pitiful.
"wow, I didn't know you could overdraft that much"
Both of mine are impressive.
'impressive' is not necessarily used for a positive thing.
One is humongous, one is embaressingly small.
I'm not telling you which is which?
I wonder how many guys got laid asking vagina related questions on the first date?
Probably more than 0
One woman asked me the first question the first time we met and we ended up having sex that night.
I’d say it was pretty effective.
Apparently you gave her the correct answer
I said, “Painfully average”
That is absolutely perfect response… painful! I told a date once that “I would disappoint her in so many ways.”
You gotta punch it up by saying something like, “I can’t wait to disappoint you and ask for a second chance.”
Where do you see this relationship going?
How much do you make?
First one feels like an interview question. It's like where do you see yourself in 10 years.
In effect, every date is technically an interview, but shouldn't be treated as such.
Everything in adult life seems to be this same format: finding a job, making friends, finding a SO, it's exhausting!
> It's like where do you see yourself in 10 years.
Doing .. your mom ..?
(Don’t say doing your wife don’t say doing your wife) doing…… your son?
>It's like where do you see yourself in 10 years.
"I don't know, I'm not jesus" - longbeachgriffy
I can't see myself damn it.
A better way to ask the first question would be “what are your relationship values?” or “what kind of relationship are you looking for?”
The second one is inappropriate, full stop.
Does this look like herpes to you?
Why are all men.......?
>Why are all men rapists
Answer with 'Why the fuck would you come on this date if you think I am a rapist?'
Had a first date say that, I asked the same question, the answer was "my two cousins are outside and they could beat you up so I feel safe"
That's great, good for you, but now I don't feel safe so I'm gonna go
> That’s great, good for you, but now I don’t feel safe so I’m gonna go
The correct response but I hate that this would probably maker her feel validated
I schedule my dates with a short activity first and then a second activity if they pass the vibe check. Obviously she did not, but I still finished the first part. Afterwards she texted that "we didn't click", which was probably from me being a poor conversationalist due to not feeling safe with her
Thanks bro. I mean we weren't really dating, a friend of mine just said that she thought I had a nice smile so maybe I could talk to her
And then she seemed like those toxic mfers. "Men are the cause of all problems in this world. Just think about it, compare the anoubt of female terrorists to the amount of male terrorists."
To be fair after that conversation I ended up hating her because she's a prick.
Agent 47 | Hitman for hire | 0800 1111^(this message is automatic)
You forgot your signature
it wasn't automatic all along, I've been lied to.
Ugh men are the worst. They always lie.
These men have treated me bad in the past. Explain me in detail why these strangers to you did this.
The most awkward question I experienced was the night before our first date she asked me how big my penis is. She pretty much ghosted me after coming up with some excuse as to why she couldn’t meet the next night, then messaged me again after about 3-4 months asking for a re-do. I’m fairly certain I dodged a bullet with that one.
Ok one time I went with a friend of a friend, I wasn't really into it, but I wasn't tryna ruin the night and I thought she was at least having a good time. I didn't think she was really into me either, but she was still being nice and I figured that was cool so I just played the part of friend. Well we go to the mall to get subway to end the shabang and we're going out to the parking lot and she asks if I think her boobs are too small( I think in an attempt to be funny) I say no bc that's just what you say. And she starts crying out of nowhere and proceeded to come out to me saying that this experience was borderline traumatic, starts going into a detailed explanation about why she was gay. I try to comfort her by saying I wasn't really into her and I was just trying not to ruin the day and basically what I said earlier in the comment. And I tell her she could've definitely said something earlier. She takes that last part, weirdly. Starts going into how women get sexually assaulted, And starts going off on men, and how they're kinda like a hive mind and they all share basic instincts that women can control and how the men of our society have a secret agenda to make another, "holocaust but with women". And then asked me to take her home. *eye contact * *dead silence *
Edit: I did in fact take her home, poker face came on and she sang every word
Holy shit what a rollercoaster
>Edit: I did in fact take her home, poker face came on and she sang every word
That is odd.
What do you want our kids to be named? I’m in high school and I got this one
"We'll have three children. A boy named Ruediger, and twin girls, Mildred and Eunice."
Meh... People are dumb shits in HS
Her: how tall are you?
Him: when flaccid or erect?
> Standing up or laying down?
What do u make? What is your bank balance? Show me now.
Kinda hot if she’s an IRS officer
This man taking “Fuck the IRS” too literally
Garnish me mami 🥵
That's happened to me twice in about a month
The old saw is FORD, RAPE. ie. ask about FORD (family, occupation, recreation, dreams) and avoid RAPE (religion, abortion, politics, exes).
I'm not sure I agree though, except exes. Religion, abortion, and politics may make you incompatible, so I don't think they should be verboten -- just tread lightly.
if he's ever killed anyone
Well what do you think junior? You think these hands have been soaking in ivory liquid?!
One asked me how my teeth were, then stuck her hands IN MY MOUTH to check.
Another asked what was my preferred way of murdering someone.
I married one of those girls.
I hope you married the second one...
Who is currently drooling on my pillow and filled up our netflix account with murder documentaries.
Yasssss!! The other one sounds super creepy.
I dunno. I spent some time talking online to a nice woman who was a dental hygienist. One of her ideas for foreplay was to sit on my lap, floss my teeth and pop blackheads on my nose.
Never did get to meet her in person, sadly.
First one a horse girl?
How big is your dick?
Bonus points if they sprinkle in a little fetishization, for example:
"Is it true what they say about black guys???"
How much he earns is pretty unacceptable.
Yeah and the undertone of this question seems to be: can you afford me?
Its not an undertone that is the entire spirit of the question.
I always follow up with a question that hints like "are you really worth the price" often the most demanding bring the least to the table themselves.
"Why do you ask? how much do you charge?"
I really don’t mind this question because I can subtly brag and then make my exit. Safe in the knowledge that I’ve dodged an expensive bullet.
I just straight up lie and leave.
"Wanna hit the pipe with me, just got paid and picked up some fresh rock" got asked this while she was driving us around
So, what would have prompted such a question?
Oh god if she asked this one I don't think you could get me back for a second date.
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European swallow?
I don't know that!
But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory....
What if two swallows were to carry it together?
African or European?
If the woman asked us on the first date she is absolutely wife material
I’m only dating so I can get married at some point later this year. Can you see us married? If you don’t see us getting married, there is no point in having a 2nd date. Oh and how much do you make a year?
Blood type and how many functioning organs?
Can my kids call you daddy?
“No, just you”
How much do you make?
Answer with "how much do your charge?"
Nah, go nuclear: “how much do you weigh?”
I’d say it’s 100% dependent on how the date is going and how comfortable it is. Sometimes you click and conversation flows.
"how much money do you make because I need a man who can support me." That is a direct quote.
Had one date. Girl mentioned she wasn't feeling great. Then mentioned that she still hooks up with her ex sometimes.
Maybe not a question but I've had a few first dates where girls would talk about introducing me to their moms or make future plans along those lines. That's pretty awkward to me lol I don't even know if I like you yet
"How much money do you make ?" Followed by per paycheck or per year
You seem like a clever sort of guy. How would you like to be your *own boss* and earn up to $500,000 a week with my Inverted Funnel Business Solutions company? See, if you recruit just ten people, and *they* recruit ten people, and *they* recruit ten people, you’ll be filthy rich in no time!
How much money you make?
Do you see yourself married in a year?
How big is your house?
married speedrun any%
Why are you a dumb dumb stupid butt head?
Look, my therapist and I are working very hard to answer this.
Dating your therapist is a true power move
My favorite response yet…thanks for the mid-coffee-sip lol
“Have you killed anyone?” For context, I was in the army and she knew that before we went out.
The number of people who think this is an okay question...
I was in the ICU and found out my nurse had done a couple tours in the sandbox as acombat medic and literally the first thing he said after telling me that was how he wasn't gonna talk about if he killed anyone.
Literally I was like, "Yeah, don't wanna know. I wanna know how much you love the M1 Garand 'ping'"
oh yeah, M1 conversations with babes naturally become CMP
(C My PP)
"Can my boyfriend come too?"
Bro, Do you even lift?
I have a few, yes these were all asked on first dates when I was dating.
You are paying right? - in other words I'm paying hell I don't mind. But the expectation is rude and yells red flag princess.
Do you think I'll put out on first date? - I didn't ask means I don't care lol. You do you, if you put out on first date I'm not going to turn it down. I ain't gonna creep for it either.
How many friends that are girls do you have? - screams jealous girlfriend, if we got to point of relationship. I have an imagine of you screaming at me because my cousin like my insta photo.
Do you want children? - this one was asked of me literally 5 minutes into a date. Finding out where someone is on having kids is important but not on the first date. I don't know why but my brain screamed to me this lady is the sort of woman to poke holes through condoms lol.
Scrotum surface area is usually a tricky one to get right.
"Why are you still single?"
"You're ok if I bring my friends with us?"
"Yeah, but they sit at a separate table and watch us. You know, like bodyguards."
Hahaha, that's acceptable as long as they have fake moustaches or sunglasses.
Large newspaper and hat they can use to hide their faces is also cool
Will you have my babies?
A girl once asked me if I was willing to get circumcised because that's what the norm was in her home country.
I just laughed and left with my precious penis intact.