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RCL_D

"Can I check your phone?" Yes... that happened once.


cant_dyno

What exactly where they expecting to find?


RCL_D

Well the conversation was about online dating matches and number of conversations going, how many dates planned etc. Then she wanted to check if I was telling was true. Obviously I said no and took this huge red flag seriously and no second date was planned hahaha


rogat100

Sounds like a reasonable call, asking your date for their phone on your first date is... Damn.


---cameron

Aight second question, let me smell yo dick


garroshsucks12

MY EX DID THIS BRO I remember she was like, “I noticed your passcode has a ton of zeros in it.” On the first date. I only had one because of I had the stupid wallet app enabled, but I turned it off during the relationship. She would constantly check my phone around the time we were breaking up because she accused me of cheating on her. When she cheated on me a few times 🤣.


pchlster

The proverb where I live would translate to "a thief thinks everyone steals."


determinationmaster

that's amazing, i'll have to remember that.


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Harbinger2nd

BROOO, had a girl do this to me after sex and I had to use the bathroom. I left my phone on the coffee table and when I get back she asks me "whats with all the comic porn." Like dude you invaded my privacy and have the gall to ask me about my porn habits and I'm the weird one? Still stuck around for a little while longer tho, I was young and horny.


garroshsucks12

I’m glad you’re no longer around that yikes


phat79pat1985

It’s always projection with those people


mylurve

They wanted to check your phone on a first date? I do not understand some people…


Neuroticperiscope

Hinting around about money is super tacky especially if that’s a dynamic likely at play


Outtatheblu42

Had a pic on my dating profile in front of a sailboat. Matched with a girl who asked if it was mine. I said no, and she unmatched.


Spriderman69

I’d hate to own a sailboat, but I’d love to have a friend who has one. All fun without the maintenance work!


NoCelery1168

I hear there's an expression among people who've owned a boat: "The happiest days of your life are the day you bought it, and the day you sold it."


da_chicken

"A boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into."


fulcrum_security

Even if you owned it, probably not a bad idea to say no just to weed these people out


FatBaldBoomer

Tinder near me is fucking ***FULL*** of women *begging* for a chance to get on someones boat, and any time I've said I don't have a boat they call me broke. I'm sorry but I'm not the one fucking begging strangers to get on their boat, buy your own boat or stop calling other people broke lmao


Dangerous_Safety1296

Will you be paying me with cash app


PM_ME_YOUR_ANUS_PIC

Paypal for business only so you can chargeback


Adventurous_toast23

That's just prostitution with extra steps.


fw2a

When they ask about last relationships and your former spouse died. Real conversation stopper.


ElSanto9298

"Do you have both kidneys?"


DifferenceOrdinary98

I haven't really checked.👍🏿


coreyosb

“Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?”


DifferenceOrdinary98

Well I can't smell it all the way over there, bring it closer.👍🏿


PM-your-kittycats

This smells like a nap!


Erebus172

>How do you intend on providing the standard of living that I've come to expect from my Daddy?


flaviuscrispus

A dowry


PM-your-kittycats

We talking goats or myrrh?


Janey-Smith

I was thinking gold, guns, and bullets!


SlobMarley13

by offering you this opportunity to get in on the ground floor of this once in a lifetime business model


lousy_writer

Well, at least she's transparent about it. A guy I know had a girlfriend once who had indeed exactly these expectations. She probably didn't know it in the beginning (20 years old back then, first BF and all that), but that's precisely what turned her into a nagging shrew a few years down the line.


ohhellnooooooooo

"im your daddy now" easy


DifferenceOrdinary98

I don't.


Life-Ad4309

Why were you arrested for? Was it for Domestic Violence? Was it for rape? WTF! I have never been arrested!


SomeoneFetchAPriest

Wait- do people really ask these kinds of questions? Is that common?


Life-Ad4309

I have been on a date. Where the girl asked me about my criminal history. I told her I had none. Then she did not believe me. She went through every type of charges (armed robbery to rape to murder) I told her there is nothing here. She felt that it there was something there (red flag in her eyes) and I could not convince her otherwise. It was a disaster.


Inigomntoya

This is very helpful. She waved every red flag in her arsenal and all you had to do was not break the law to avoid a future date. Well played.


WakeoftheStorm

Some background check companies online will let you search for a person and it will say #1 Arrest Record Found for u/Life-Ad4309 ! Unlock details for $19.99. Then if you actually pay it'll turn out it was for u/Live-Dad4300 instead. I'd be willing to bet she didn't want to pay


SomeoneFetchAPriest

Oh wow that's weird. Yeah definitely sounds like it was a disaster. Like if you go into a date presuming they are a criminal then how would that ever get anywhere?


JadedFennel999

Maybe that was her type? Idk


determinationmaster

>I have been on a date yall be lyin for no reason


JeffreyElonSkilling

One time I had a woman ask me for my full name and DOB before our first date. She worked as a corrections officer and wanted to look me up in some kind of criminal database before meeting. I gave it to her, went on the date, then reported her to the state for misusing government resources. Fuck that.


SomeoneFetchAPriest

Holy shit


yvaN_ehT_nioJ

> I gave it to her, went on the date, then reported her to the state for misusing government resources. Fuck that. Based


Confident-Earth4309

Good job that’s illegal.


apolobgod

Power play


postdiluvium

>I'm sorry, can I take this call? It's my husband. Actually happened to me.


serious_sarcasm

Meh, it can take time to divorce after separation.


Dmonney

Everyone I know, still calls them ex even while in legal process. If they aren't an ex, you shouldn't be on a date.


Zenpie_

Maybe she just wanted to bail and thought of this genius way to take the pressure off of her. 😂


HarryPotter112000

"Do you promise to never leave me? " God that scared me 😭


FannieRose

AAAHHH RUN AWAAYYY


modsarebrainstems

My wife asks questions like this and I give her the same answers I always have: "As long as you don't give me any reason to want to leave..."


MurderDoneRight

"How much money do you make?" Hey, lady I am paying you by the hour here let's focus on one thing at the time!


dhhdhh851

If i were a worm would you still love me?


AnnoyinglyEarnest

Yes, dear. I’d be the earth wherein you wriggle. The corpse upon which you feast. And the bird that swallows you whole.


jason1810

So beautiful .


Wind_your_neck_in

This is so romantic. When you can meet someones silliness with your own brand of silly and love. Match made in wormy heaven


Jig_2000

Ma'am this is a first date


RedshiftOnPandy

Love you? I would worship you Shai Hulud


Jig_2000

Bless the Maker and his water


squareoaky

Bless the coming and going of Him


Jig_2000

I like this Duke


DopamineQuagmire

"Are your balls equal in dimensions? Have you measured?"


Trapeq07

It can easily go to "if not can i measure them"


Adventurous_toast23

Greatest pickup line. You can measure my balls any day, baby.


BigVeinyNThick

Imagine her taking out vernier calipers from her purse💀


Trapeq07

Great foreplay


BootsyBootsyBoom

Foreplay with the forceps


SmokeySFW

"I haven't, are you offering to?"


elegant_candlelight

"I dunno. What about your tits? Are they the same size? Lets measure each-other .." "Wait, where are you going?"


Supercoolguy7

"To get the measuring tape!"


Slack76r

How big is your penis? How big is your bank account?


olives-for-breakfast

Big FDIC Energy?


AppexRedditor

Got me loaning so loud


notlikelyevil

I might show the right girl both on the first date. One of them is reasonably impressive.


Flffdddy

I, too, have a big bank account.


Natprk

Does the size of the bank count?


ChronWeasely

What's more important is the motion of the ocean


Techie_Leader

It’s not the size of the account that matters, but how you use it….or something like that.


BigVeinyNThick

Oh yeah I love Big Bank Accs.🥵


Mursin

Are you sure? Username..... Doesn't.... check out?


BigVeinyNThick

Oh! My profile description reads my forearms are big, veiny and thick (because I hit the gym?) I wonder what you were thinking about 🤔


Mursin

Neck


AppexRedditor

I love me a big, veiny, and thick bank account


Shutthefunkdown

So do I. Huge. So big, in fact it makes the balance look pitiful.


lokregarlogull

"wow, I didn't know you could overdraft that much"


A_Very_Living_Me

Both of mine are impressive. 'impressive' is not necessarily used for a positive thing.


flokis-shiphard

One is humongous, one is embaressingly small. I'm not telling you which is which?


Young_Hxppxe

I wonder how many guys got laid asking vagina related questions on the first date?


Slack76r

Probably more than 0


imapissonitdripdrip

One woman asked me the first question the first time we met and we ended up having sex that night. I’d say it was pretty effective.


Slack76r

Apparently you gave her the correct answer


imapissonitdripdrip

I said, “Painfully average”


Wanderinglost_n_cold

That is absolutely perfect response… painful! I told a date once that “I would disappoint her in so many ways.”


imapissonitdripdrip

You gotta punch it up by saying something like, “I can’t wait to disappoint you and ask for a second chance.”


Token_or_TolkienuPOS

Where do you see this relationship going? How much do you make?


Adventurous_toast23

First one feels like an interview question. It's like where do you see yourself in 10 years.


refpuz

In effect, every date is technically an interview, but shouldn't be treated as such.


InterestingRadish385

Everything in adult life seems to be this same format: finding a job, making friends, finding a SO, it's exhausting!


elegant_candlelight

> It's like where do you see yourself in 10 years. Doing .. your mom ..?


Syilith_SN

(Don’t say doing your wife don’t say doing your wife) doing…… your son?


CTBthanatos

>It's like where do you see yourself in 10 years. "I don't know, I'm not jesus" - longbeachgriffy


bartosama

I can't see myself damn it.


MeganTheeClydesdale

A better way to ask the first question would be “what are your relationship values?” or “what kind of relationship are you looking for?” The second one is inappropriate, full stop.


DeadlyDribbler

Does this look like herpes to you?


Irishane

Why are all men.......?


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helpnxt

>Why are all men rapists Answer with 'Why the fuck would you come on this date if you think I am a rapist?'


not_so_chi_couple

Had a first date say that, I asked the same question, the answer was "my two cousins are outside and they could beat you up so I feel safe" That's great, good for you, but now I don't feel safe so I'm gonna go


kennyslim

> That’s great, good for you, but now I don’t feel safe so I’m gonna go The correct response but I hate that this would probably maker her feel validated


not_so_chi_couple

I schedule my dates with a short activity first and then a second activity if they pass the vibe check. Obviously she did not, but I still finished the first part. Afterwards she texted that "we didn't click", which was probably from me being a poor conversationalist due to not feeling safe with her


---Agent_47---

Thanks bro. I mean we weren't really dating, a friend of mine just said that she thought I had a nice smile so maybe I could talk to her And then she seemed like those toxic mfers. "Men are the cause of all problems in this world. Just think about it, compare the anoubt of female terrorists to the amount of male terrorists." To be fair after that conversation I ended up hating her because she's a prick. Agent 47 | Hitman for hire | 0800 1111^(this message is automatic)


madmax77xll

You forgot your signature


EhPringle

it wasn't automatic all along, I've been lied to.


ITSMEFRANKIE

Ugh men are the worst. They always lie.


GentGorilla

These men have treated me bad in the past. Explain me in detail why these strangers to you did this.


inglouriouswoof

The most awkward question I experienced was the night before our first date she asked me how big my penis is. She pretty much ghosted me after coming up with some excuse as to why she couldn’t meet the next night, then messaged me again after about 3-4 months asking for a re-do. I’m fairly certain I dodged a bullet with that one.


cr1esatnight

Ok one time I went with a friend of a friend, I wasn't really into it, but I wasn't tryna ruin the night and I thought she was at least having a good time. I didn't think she was really into me either, but she was still being nice and I figured that was cool so I just played the part of friend. Well we go to the mall to get subway to end the shabang and we're going out to the parking lot and she asks if I think her boobs are too small( I think in an attempt to be funny) I say no bc that's just what you say. And she starts crying out of nowhere and proceeded to come out to me saying that this experience was borderline traumatic, starts going into a detailed explanation about why she was gay. I try to comfort her by saying I wasn't really into her and I was just trying not to ruin the day and basically what I said earlier in the comment. And I tell her she could've definitely said something earlier. She takes that last part, weirdly. Starts going into how women get sexually assaulted, And starts going off on men, and how they're kinda like a hive mind and they all share basic instincts that women can control and how the men of our society have a secret agenda to make another, "holocaust but with women". And then asked me to take her home. *eye contact * *dead silence * Edit: I did in fact take her home, poker face came on and she sang every word


ok_z00mer

Holy shit what a rollercoaster


NanasTeaPartyHeyHo

>Edit: I did in fact take her home, poker face came on and she sang every word That is odd.


My_ogre_own_a_donkey

What do you want our kids to be named? I’m in high school and I got this one


Spackleberry

"We'll have three children. A boy named Ruediger, and twin girls, Mildred and Eunice."


Dmonney

Meh... People are dumb shits in HS


Tokogogoloshe

Her: how tall are you? Him: when flaccid or erect?


pheret87

> Standing up or laying down?


Life-Ad4309

What do u make? What is your bank balance? Show me now.


PM_ME_YOUR_ANUS_PIC

Kinda hot if she’s an IRS officer


Et12355

This man taking “Fuck the IRS” too literally


coreyosb

Garnish me mami 🥵


oddball667

That's happened to me twice in about a month


MattieShoes

The old saw is FORD, RAPE. ie. ask about FORD (family, occupation, recreation, dreams) and avoid RAPE (religion, abortion, politics, exes). I'm not sure I agree though, except exes. Religion, abortion, and politics may make you incompatible, so I don't think they should be verboten -- just tread lightly.


jsh1138

if he's ever killed anyone


somewaffle

Well what do you think junior? You think these hands have been soaking in ivory liquid?!


Maoricitizen

One asked me how my teeth were, then stuck her hands IN MY MOUTH to check. Another asked what was my preferred way of murdering someone. I married one of those girls.


Angelus_Mortis3311

I hope you married the second one...


Maoricitizen

Who is currently drooling on my pillow and filled up our netflix account with murder documentaries.


Angelus_Mortis3311

Yasssss!! The other one sounds super creepy.


lazylion_ca

I dunno. I spent some time talking online to a nice woman who was a dental hygienist. One of her ideas for foreplay was to sit on my lap, floss my teeth and pop blackheads on my nose. Never did get to meet her in person, sadly.


csl512

First one a horse girl?


goudacheeseistheGOAT

How big is your dick? Bonus points if they sprinkle in a little fetishization, for example: "Is it true what they say about black guys???"


TheNobleMushroom

How much he earns is pretty unacceptable.


DreamingInAMaze

Yeah and the undertone of this question seems to be: can you afford me?


LordofTheFlagon

Its not an undertone that is the entire spirit of the question.


demonardvark

I always follow up with a question that hints like "are you really worth the price" often the most demanding bring the least to the table themselves.


MotleyCrew1989

"Why do you ask? how much do you charge?"


Fast-Diamond-2698

I really don’t mind this question because I can subtly brag and then make my exit. Safe in the knowledge that I’ve dodged an expensive bullet.


gsells937

I just straight up lie and leave.


hermitgathering

"Wanna hit the pipe with me, just got paid and picked up some fresh rock" got asked this while she was driving us around


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[deleted]

So, what would have prompted such a question?


happydewd1131

Oh god if she asked this one I don't think you could get me back for a second date.


sagashe

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?


TheSlothsAreWatching

African or European swallow?


idma

I don't know that!


ledhammerer

But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory....


Tathanor

What if two swallows were to carry it together?


JoshD0W

African or European?


Wanderinglost_n_cold

If the woman asked us on the first date she is absolutely wife material


Dxvid741

African or European?


Reasonable_Assist_63

I’m only dating so I can get married at some point later this year. Can you see us married? If you don’t see us getting married, there is no point in having a 2nd date. Oh and how much do you make a year?


KoriGlazialis

Blood type and how many functioning organs?


antifuckingeveryting

Can my kids call you daddy?


IWAITALLDAYFORAPOO

“No, just you”


Fast-Diamond-2698

Power move


KK96740

How much do you make?


MotleyCrew1989

Answer with "how much do your charge?"


Cross-Country

Nah, go nuclear: “how much do you weigh?”


MrFuher02

Per hour


pay-this-fool

I’d say it’s 100% dependent on how the date is going and how comfortable it is. Sometimes you click and conversation flows.


asrielrising84

"how much money do you make because I need a man who can support me." That is a direct quote.


moncompteajete

Had one date. Girl mentioned she wasn't feeling great. Then mentioned that she still hooks up with her ex sometimes. I'm out!


EntwinedTodd

Maybe not a question but I've had a few first dates where girls would talk about introducing me to their moms or make future plans along those lines. That's pretty awkward to me lol I don't even know if I like you yet


This1headbanger

"How much money do you make ?" Followed by per paycheck or per year


Saith_Cassus

You seem like a clever sort of guy. How would you like to be your *own boss* and earn up to $500,000 a week with my Inverted Funnel Business Solutions company? See, if you recruit just ten people, and *they* recruit ten people, and *they* recruit ten people, you’ll be filthy rich in no time!


capricorn40

How much money you make? Do you see yourself married in a year? How big is your house?


mjlee2003

married speedrun any%


RaceNinja_80

Why are you a dumb dumb stupid butt head?


Ephriel

Look, my therapist and I are working very hard to answer this.


SeedsOfDoubt

Dating your therapist is a true power move


Ok_Employer9706

My favorite response yet…thanks for the mid-coffee-sip lol


ConsequenceDirect967

“Have you killed anyone?” For context, I was in the army and she knew that before we went out.


DancerKnee

The number of people who think this is an okay question... I was in the ICU and found out my nurse had done a couple tours in the sandbox as acombat medic and literally the first thing he said after telling me that was how he wasn't gonna talk about if he killed anyone. Literally I was like, "Yeah, don't wanna know. I wanna know how much you love the M1 Garand 'ping'"


ohnjaynb

oh yeah, M1 conversations with babes naturally become CMP (C My PP)


DanDanBussum

"Can my boyfriend come too?"


CasperTFG_808

Bro, Do you even lift?


Chalkyinsane

I have a few, yes these were all asked on first dates when I was dating. You are paying right? - in other words I'm paying hell I don't mind. But the expectation is rude and yells red flag princess. Do you think I'll put out on first date? - I didn't ask means I don't care lol. You do you, if you put out on first date I'm not going to turn it down. I ain't gonna creep for it either. How many friends that are girls do you have? - screams jealous girlfriend, if we got to point of relationship. I have an imagine of you screaming at me because my cousin like my insta photo. Do you want children? - this one was asked of me literally 5 minutes into a date. Finding out where someone is on having kids is important but not on the first date. I don't know why but my brain screamed to me this lady is the sort of woman to poke holes through condoms lol.


[deleted]

Scrotum surface area is usually a tricky one to get right.


Methylatedcobalamin

"Why are you still single?"


Beast_Reads

"You're ok if I bring my friends with us?"


DancerKnee

"Yeah, but they sit at a separate table and watch us. You know, like bodyguards."


Beast_Reads

Hahaha, that's acceptable as long as they have fake moustaches or sunglasses.


Supercoolguy7

Large newspaper and hat they can use to hide their faces is also cool


Draxacoffilus

Will you have my babies?


FatherAb

A girl once asked me if I was willing to get circumcised because that's what the norm was in her home country. I just laughed and left with my precious penis intact.