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Shy guys why are you so hard to read? How do women know you’re interested? We love you!

Shy guys why are you so hard to read? How do women know you’re interested? We love you!

The_Thaiboxer

Honestly, if you find that I'm messaging you first, or sharing stuff such as my dreams and passions, then you should shoot your shot. Basically, a shy introvert opening up to someone involves a fair amount of effort, and people tend to put effort into people they like.


snarfymcsnarfface

So an hour long conversation talking about everything and nothing?


The_Thaiboxer

Definitely a strong indicator that they like you and enjoy your company. Of course, you won't know if they like you in a romantic way until you make your move, but that's a good sign that there's some potential. Of course that can be applied to everyone, not just shy, introverted types, but given that a shy introvert likely does not engage in long convos with people on a regular basis, it hints that you hold a special place in their life.


snarfymcsnarfface

Your comment made my heart flutter!


petrol_sexual

That's how things started with my wife. We became best friends before we got romantic.


kxngisma

That’s the best way to do it.


MateusAmadeus714

That's adorable! You gotta shoot your shot.


uglypenguin5

If I spent an hour talking actively with someone (not being talked at) then yeah go ahead. Even if I don’t like you that much, it would be a massive confidence boost. We really do get very few compliments/advancements (then again we shy guys don’t give very many out). At best, y’all end up on a date. At worst, he’ll probably take it as a compliment


fateandthefaithless

As a shy introvert who never speaks to anyone unless need be, I can confirm, yes.


thnksqrd

If an introvert talks to you for an hour straight you’re practically married.


lawlietxx

> I love shy, quite introverted men. " Is she into you" Really can't tell. Maybe she is just being nice.


elephantcuck

Obligatory link https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw


Iamaphattie

Lmao I was looking for that link


havingfun89

This is the first time I've actually seen this, and definitely want to re-watch, every time it comes up.


RiskyFartOftenShart

damn Canadian women....they are the hardest to read. Cant tell wut they are aboot, eh.


Oryon-

You never know, maybe she's from Canada and is just being polite


hurtstobehuman

Canadian woman here. Can confirm.


pencilheadedgeek

Sorry?


paradox037

Sorry.


Femto91

Sorry!


TheZygy

"If she takes her clothes off and invited you onto her bed is she into you?" Nah im pretty sure she's Canadian and she's just being hospitable


snarfymcsnarfface

Ok but what if I say we need to talk more and you’re the nicest guy. That’s a telltale sign, no?


lawlietxx

Don't want to sound pessimistic but if you said I'm nicest guy then I will think that you're complimenting as friend.


snarfymcsnarfface

Fuck. He did get annoyed by that comment when I said it. I meant it in the other way though. I’m attracted to nice guys.


monkeyfant

Honestly, tell him he is handsome. I was a really shy guy once, and someone was (hindsight is 20/20), flirting with me for weeks. She finally said one time, "I get really nervous talking to you, I think you're so attractive" (or something like that. I instantly flipped a switch and felt like I didn't have to be afraid that she only liked me as a friend any more. We dated for a bit but it didn't work out, but it is so easy to just bite the bullet and say something. More so when they're shy and you're not. Take the lead


snarfymcsnarfface

What if I say you’re so cute. I can’t say handsome. Not my personality.


monkeyfant

It depends. I used to hate cute. But he might like it. I saw puppies and penguin's when I heard cute. Handsome is a bleurgh word though. Fit is quite derogatory. I find you attractive? You have like, sexy eyes. I love your smile, it always makes you look charming Its really weird that someone so nice looking is actually a really nice person too. I love your lips. Can I kiss em? I mean, it depends how forward you dare to be. Put it this way. If you never ask, you'll never get rejected. (Yay) but also it will never happen. If you ask, there's a 50/50 (or greater chance in your case i think) that you'll get to be with him. So the only chance, is to just make a daring move and accept the answer he gives. Maybe think of some comebacks to dampen any possible rejection. I doubt he will reject you though. Men aren't the same as women. Unless he has a gf, or you are way off of his type, he will most likely respond positively. And he isn't a nasty guy, so even a rejection would be a kind one.


lowrcase

Your examples are amazing :)) charming is such a nice compliment


titos334

> Put it this way. If you never ask, you'll never get rejected. You'll never get rejected by another person because you're rejecting yourself first.


Crowkiller90

Cute can be too ambiguous. People find puppies and children cute. I'd take cute as a friendly compliment, not a sign of interest.


jasonBlanre

I'd say combine the two, tell him he's cute, and ask him on a date! You got this!


6___-4--___0

try "attractive" puppies and kitties and little brothers are cute


Various-Stretch6336

That's 100% green light. Go now. Do it! He def wants you to he's just not sure if you want to, or if you're just being nice, or maybe you're just messing with him. And just reading a comment here made your heart flutter? You don't need any more signs. Trust me. Source: been socially awkward all life.


snarfymcsnarfface

Awww ok ok I’ll take it slow though. Slow.


macfergusson

OK so from your comments I'm getting the idea that not only are you into a specific dude you consider very shy, but you also are very shy. You may well both be interested in each other, but are doing the "I'm too shy" dance around and will continue to do so for all of eternity. The fact is, one or the other of you will have to break out of the shy bubble and be somewhat more direct to get an answer. It also sounds like you may have accidentally already given some "friend-zone" type vibes, so if you want this to progress, you're going to have to be the one to take the first step. Go talk to him. Repeat after me: "Hey I've been trying to give you some hints that I like you but I think maybe it wasn't working. Do you want to try a date?" Be prepared that you might not get the answer you want, the risk of taking the first step is always the possibility of rejection, but it isn't the end of the world if someone isn't interested.


snarfymcsnarfface

Thank you! This is all very good advice even if the guy I like isn’t the one. I just absolutely love men who are shy and introverted because I’m the same way. Plus it’s incredibly attractive. Now I need to unfriend zone him. I’m so clueless I didn’t even know I did that.


macfergusson

I mean you may not have, I'm just guessing from the bits of info I'm collecting from your responses here. Go forth and find out!


jickay

Yes pls find out and let us know! Pretty much it's never clear unless someone says it out loud. I like you. Everything else can just be friendly especially for extroverted types I still have trouble telling girls I have crushes on them because I don't really believe they could like me. But when I look back I think they did at some point and should have went for it. Don't be a chicken like me


Liberty6000

A good way to unfriend zone him is ask him out. But I know your shy but just saying, shoot your shot if you can!


Pegaferno

Please update us on how that goes! I’m rootin’ for ye


Upthrust

Don't beat yourself up too much, it's easy for a dude to friendzone himself if he's too anxious. Once you get too worried about getting rejected you start looking for reasons that she might not be into you, and when you start actively looking for them it's easy to find them. Unfortunately *someone* needs to take on the duty of risking rejection, and it looks like this time it'll be you. From what you're saying though, it sounds like a pretty safe bet to me.


SoaDMTGguy

As a shy guy myself, here are some things that would tell me you’re into me: Physical attention. Sit next to me so we’re touching. Put your arm around my shoulder. Touch my thigh. Give me attention you don’t give other people. If you’re physically affectionate with other guys, do something extra with me. Come find me to hang out if we’re out socializing with friends. Tell me I’m cute. Ask me if I have a girlfriend. .. I don’t know how comfortable you are being physically forward. I, as a shy guy in 2021, am always afraid of making the wrong move. Going in for a kiss when it wasn’t desired, etc. As a guy, I do not find a girl who is physically forward to he threatening. At most, it would be unwanted attention. If you’ve been making an effort to be around him, talk, hang out, etc. and he isn’t making excuses to leave or get away, your attention is probably not unwanted. If you want him to make the first move, you can still lead him to that point. Things like sustained touch, cuddling, putting your hand on his upper/inner thigh and letting it linker there. Touching/holding the back of his neck. Playing with his hair. Touching his butt. Read his reactions, and as long as he’s still positive you can keep escalating as you feel appropriate.


WaterDippedOreo

Yeah it sounds like from him getting annoyed by the “your so nice” comment he probably considered that a rejection because women use that as a subtle rejection frequently, and him saying “I’m going to stop being nice was basically him saying” “I’m sick of always getting friend zoned I need to be more of an asshole” just let him know your interested.


Various-Stretch6336

Slow is good. Slow is cute. But still....initiate, then take it slow. You can do it!!!!! <3


Mrfoxsin

That's totally okay when it's actually nice and kind people. But "nice guys" nowadays you know has a totally different meaning. It can be insulting to some because of it. Maybe try saying kind. Also be straight up with introverted people. Alot of them are hard to read because they have a hard time reading people. They can learn but it's not always second nature to everyone. Be more up front of you want someone to know you like them. You won't be concidered easy. Don't let yourself be used either and know your boundaries but being clear in your intentions helps those who are oblivious. It's okay to take it slow as long as you are being clear with them about that.


lordmoldybutt42

Never call a guy nice. Nice is for friends, even if we are nice we don't want to be called nice. I think telling him he's real fun to talk to is ok. Saying he's real fun to be with is even better. This way you show you like his company without putting yourself completely out there. But it's still weird, we men suck at picking up signals so always keep that in mind. If you think you're being obvious, we might still think you're just being friendly.


Soccham

Dude is hella frustrated because he's probably into you and, like the others have said, he's insecure about his attractiveness or a woman being into him. You've literally got a free throw here if you wanna take it further. If you're blunt he'll probably be down and even if not you're a badass for going for it.


ohiolifesucks

Tell him that. You’re going to have to be forward. Do our boy a solid and just tell him that he’s cute and that you like him. Save him from all of the wondering and the games and whatnot


Asianarcher

See this is the thing. One woman's flirting is another woman's friendly. If you want to do it follow the following. > 1. Grab a foam hammer > 2. Bop him on the head > 3. Say "Date me, romantically" > 4. Repeat until he understands what you said and gives a yes or no


sack_of_dicks

That's pretty much how my wife and I started dating. She was my cool, cute younger co-worker with whom I could talk about art and go to museums and stuff but I found her so attractive I could have never imagined her wanting to be with a guy like me. I offered to let her house sit for me while I was out of town once because the living situation she was in was kind of bad and she offered to make me a pizza when I got back to say thank you. During dinner she just blatantly asked me 'so are you ever going to take me out on a real date?' and I was stunned because I had just never considered her being interested in that, but I said 'uh, of course!' We've been together 10 years now.


Stringr55

You lucky sack of dicks.


mad87645

Of all the dicks in the sack, she picked yours ♥️


snarfymcsnarfface

I wish I had an award for you. Here’s a fake emoji award 🥇


AtomicJugular

Seriously, listen to that guy. Took me 4 years to get with my gf when we were both interested most of that time. If one of us would’ve done that we would’ve been together years sooner


Buzznfrog12345

Bonk go to horny jail together?


ConfusedJonSnow

I really hope things go well for OP, but it would be hilarious if tomorrow someone posts something about how a girl he was interested in suddenly went apeshit on him with a foam hammer while he was wearing wireless earbuds.


Dravous

> you’re the nicest guy. if I hear anything like that from a girl I'm getting myself ready for a night of solo drinking and sadness at blowing any chance I had with her.


Stringr55

yep


Supah_Schmendrick

"Nice" is often code for "friend" or, less positively, "unattractive"


snarfymcsnarfface

No! I love nice guys. Ok point taken. Never tell a guy he’s nice.


Supah_Schmendrick

Everyone does it differently, so ymmv. Just be aware that many guys - particularly ones who are pessimistic about their attractiveness - may not scan "nice" as "a compliment that indicates romantic interest." And a more explicit and up-front approach is more likely to succeed with shy dudes anyway, rather than relying on compliments to get them to take the hint. Best of luck with your shyguy!


novis-eldritch-maxim

niceguys is now slang for someone who acts superficially nice but is utter rot inside. you want a shy guy be blunt ask him out and say you honestly find him attractive.


batteredKanKles

This is how my first adult relationship started. And the second one. In both cases all I had to do was agree to show up, and show up.


novis-eldritch-maxim

wild, no one has ever done that for me.


batteredKanKles

Both times they were Community College classmates. Ergo, an opportunity to spend most of the semester evaluating me before committing to any sort of approach.


Emotional_Penalty

Yeah, this might sond like I'm just butthurt, but I don't think I've ever heard women call me "nice", unless they meant "non-sexually attractive" and I imagine a lot of guys had the same experience, so this can be kind of off-putting.


snarfymcsnarfface

I’ve learned a hard lesson today. Never again lol.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IpsaThis

I think that's the wrong takeaway. Everyone knows that the traditional definition of Nice is positive. But between that word being repurposed in some circles to mean Secret Douchebag and many shy guys having a history of being friendzoned, hearing they're nice might translate to, "I like you but I just want to be friends" instead of what you want, which is "please ask me out." You need to bite the bullet and be forthcoming. "I really like hanging out with you. I hope this isn't too forward of me, but I was wondering if you might be free for a date sometime." I know that's scary, but it's what you're asking the shy guy to do, and we already know he's shy, so have some empathy and get in there. Afraid of rejection? So is he. Your odds of success are better than his anyway. Suck it up.


Gamer_ely

Bingo, I hope OP reads this one.


IpsaThis

Yeah, she could even tell him he's nice while asking him out. That would be a sweet compliment. Nice is not the key word, "date" is the key word. I read her post again, and some of her comments, and I'm confused. She gets that he's shy, and she gets that he might misinterpret, but she's still dropping hints, like, "Ok surely THIS hint will imply what I want..." Lose the hints, OP!


tmotom

*tips fedora*


SecondTalon

Disregarding the various "Nice = you have no other redeeming qualities/I don't see you as a sexual interest"... Why would that be a telltale sign of *romantic* interest? You're telling the dude you want to hang out with him, not fuck him. It's not universal, but a lot of shy or unimposing folks do have a more pronounced fear of rejection or of being seen as foolish, and one way to be seen as foolish (or just get rejected) is to see romantic interest where there is none. Ambiguity is almost always going to be assumed to fall on the safer side - if a statement could be interpreted as friendly OR as romantic, the friendly interpretation will be assumed. "We need to talk more" is just you telling the dude that he's a good friend. "We should go out some time, just you and me. On a date" is unambigious and inarguable. It's you saying "You and I should hang out alone and if things go well, make out, and if things go well from there, who knows!" which is clear and to the point. Be clear. If you like a dude, tell a dude. That you like him. Romantically. I'm not saying you should yell "I want to suck your dick!" or anything, but say something that clearly expresses romantic interest.


TheDevilsAdvokaat

I second this, and I am a shy guy. Unless a woman outright says she likes me, I just ignore anything else and assume she's just a nice person. Hell you can tell me I'm good looking and unless you add "wanna go out?" I'm still just going to say thank you and think you;re being nice.


mexploder89

>I'm not saying you should yell "I want to suck your dick!" or anything Wouldn't hurt, though


CensoredBomber

when a girl tells a guy he's nice, she typically means either "I think you're a pussy and I don't see you as a man" or "You have no positive attributes other than that you are nice" in my experience


snarfymcsnarfface

I know that now. I even said it like this “you’re like the nicest guy”. Kicking myself so hard right now. I genuinely love nice guys. Fack!


Emotional_Penalty

>you’re like the nicest guy oof


snarfymcsnarfface

Fuck I know. I oofed so bad and it annoyed him when I said it.


Emotional_Penalty

Yeah, I don't want to come off as a dick but the truth of the matter is that when girls tell you that you're 'nice','friendly' etc. its almost universaly a sign that they aren't attracted to you sexually.


Yellow_Triangle

If you haven't seen the video, u/lawlietxx is quoting Casually Explained on youtube. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR\_9Yw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw)


ilovelefseandpierogi

She's definitely just being nice. She, and all other women in whom I may show interest, are clearly out of my league. Thus, she MUST just be a really nice person, which makes me even more interested. Still no chance though...and what if I says something and she thinks I'm a creep for even considering the possibility that she could have even a passing interest in one so lowly as I?


Tseichi

I tend to keep to myself outside of when I need to socialize but chances are if I spend time around you it's because I'm comfortable with that. I'd say that would apply to a shy person. If they dont seem to mind hanging around you, shoot your shot. There is a risk of rejection but that'll always be there. At least when they say no you're not left wondering and if they say yes then you confirmed the interest is real. **Edited for grammar**


Liberty6000

Some of us shows our affection through effort. Like I'm super shy and barely talk but when I'm interested in someone, I'll put in none-social effort like mad. If you need anything, I'll be there. If I give you a gift, I'll put a lot of thought into it. A good way to see if we are interested is ask for some help and see if we help and how much effort we put in. Some of us tend to go over the top in effort since we suck at being social. We also love initiative so if you ask us out, even if we weren't thinking about dating you, we will start thinking real quick. We love effort so if you get us a thoughtful gift that we wouldn't typically use but we use it anyway, it shows we care. My favorite gift is a hat a female friend gave me. It's a winter beanie. I never wear winter hats or beanies but she said I could wear it during the freezer pull at work since she knew I didn't have a hat. That showed effort and thought and I wear it all the time since. Well not anymore because me and her are not on good terms anymore but you get the point. We love initiative and effort so arranging times to spend time with us is great too especially since we are shy and might not do it ourselves. Feel free to ask any questions. My DM’s are always open too if you prefer there


brushthemsluts

This is spot on. I’m a shy guy but I love to help other people, so if I’m attracted to you I’ll go above and beyond to help any way I can. It could be something small like talking after a bad day or a big project like helping someone move furniture, but I’ll put in the effort.


snarfymcsnarfface

This guy has definitely helped me with things. Some subtle, some obvious.


snarfymcsnarfface

That’s great advice. Ok I’ll try that. I’ll bring him a muffin and coffee. I did offer to carpool once, but he declined. That was weird.


Noneerror

Why was that weird? Maybe he didn't want to carpool. This is answer to your larger question too. I'm guessing that you intended it to be flirtatious. Or a means to get the opportunity to flirt. He probably took it at face value-- carpooling. With no other expectations or motivations. Regardless of how he interpreted it, carpooling is still a social situation where nobody can exit gracefully. And if it goes badly, there's still the ride home to look forward to for double the social anxiety. That aspect might dominate their thoughts if they are shy. So to answer your question directly, a lot of guys (especially shy ones) will answer *"Do you want to ___?"* [truthfully, literally and without subtext](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw).


snarfymcsnarfface

Ok that’s fair. I’m getting so much amazing info from this thread. I thought it was weird because he used transit and I drive, and we were having a very awesome conversation at the time. But thank you for clearing that up. Totally makes sense!


T_Rex1357

I just want to add that I have rejected car pools because I felt the drive would be a burden for them and I didn't have gas money


snarfymcsnarfface

Wow. You’re people I want to be around. You’re awesome!


Grouchy-Painter

I can guarantee you that if you aren't blunt with him now, he will say to himself "I think she was into me." and be mad at himself for missing out on it


Testiculese

Car-pooling is forced interaction, and if one is already shy, it's probably a given they aren't good at small-talk until they know you a lot better. So nothing to do as a passenger + nothing to say, is a deer-in-headlights situation that many will avoid.


snarfymcsnarfface

I see that now. Too soon I guess. I’ll ask again when we’re closer.


Liberty6000

He might have just been nervous but coffee and a muffin is great!


snarfymcsnarfface

K now I need to get the nerve to do that.


pengie9290

Just make sure first that he's not a weirdo like me who hates coffee, or something like that.


snarfymcsnarfface

What you hate coffee? I can’t even. Kidding, I like safe weirdos. Weird is amazing thing to be.


AAATripper

I don’t talk much or verbally reinforce my affections, but one thing that I think sold my girlfriend (now wife) was that I snuck into her apartment while she was at work to take one of her favorite shirts that was on the verge of disintegrating to go get it replicated at a shirt shop and then sneak it into her dirty laundry. Edit: to clarify, I snuck the old shirt into her dirty laundry, and then surprised her with the new shirt for her birthday.


dosas_mimosas33

I might not come up to you directly but will try to control the environment around me to put myself in a more advantageous position to talk to you. Usually the more uncomfortable I look or talk the more likely I am attracted to you. I don’t get nervous around people I don’t like because im not trying to impress them.


snarfymcsnarfface

Thank you! Nervousness is definitely there in person, but not on the phone.


dosas_mimosas33

Ya on the phone I’m usually ok because you can’t see the “deer in the headlights” look on my face lol


MainelyKahnt

The reason we are hard to read is because we are positively TERRIFIED at the prospect of being "known". Usually due to past trauma/bullying based on appearance or interests. Or family issues. This can manifest itself into us basing our personalities around being an unknown factor. Basically we've been conditioned that a. Nobody cares. And b. Having people not know what to think of you is better than people not liking you so for your own safety you seek to remain a mystery. Or at least that's what my therapist tells me.


snarfymcsnarfface

I hear you. It took me my entirely life to realize that people actually like me. I don’t fit the norm for women (I’m introverted, kind of a nerd, shy, can’t stand going out with the girls, dry humour). I’ve always thought I was unworthy and no one could possibly be into me. It all stems from past trauma. I wish there was a way all us could find each other IRL.


kxngisma

I couldn't agree with you more. I have had several people approach me and ask me why I'm so quiet and barely talk to anyone. And the fact is that most of the time, I really don't have anything to contribute to their conversation. Nonetheless, when I feel comfortable around someone and the vibe is good, I tend to be talkative and share my opinions, or at least make an effort.


Dagenfel

Note: The above is mostly relevant to men with social anxiety or avoidant, not to men who are quiet/introverted. If they're just introverted then, you they probably are just focused on their own business. If they like you, they'll give more attention to you than they typically give to others.


duksinarw

The shy guys you like aren't the shy guys on Reddit


SmashBusters

"You don't heart nerds. You heart cute guys with glasses. That's what you heart."


C111tla

What is that a reference to? I am confused.


earbox

It's from a Chelsea Peretti routine. *"I can be pretty judgmental of people. I can. I saw this girl. She was very cute, but she was wearing a tee shirt, and it said 'I \[HEART\] NERDS' on it. And I was just looking at her, and I was like, 'god, I wish I could make her force-fuck an engineer with cystic acne for just hours and hours and hours.' Until she was like, 'all right, I don't...I don't heart nerds...I don't. I heart cute guys with glasses. That's what I heart.' We're like, 'all right...revise the tee shirt.'"*


KillCougar

Jesus Christ lmao


SmashBusters

That comedienne with a big nose that's on Brooklyn 99.


hamster_funk

Absolutely feckin nailed it.


snarfymcsnarfface

Lol no I really heart nerds and shy guys. Always have!


Faseeh132

please dont give me hope


snarfymcsnarfface

Guy, seriously, we exist. I’m older (well past my 20s) so maybe it’s an older woman thing. Just embrace who you are. It’s sexy!


Faseeh132

**Thanks , man . will do it**


Grouchy-Painter

\>15 year old male NO. DO NOT GO LOOKING FOR OLDER WOMEN


snarfymcsnarfface

oh yes if you're 15, your older women are 17 MAX


InkSymptoms

Anonymity is a heluva drug. It’s like alcohol laced with cocaine. I could never call someone a fuck nugget in public. Now that I’m anonymous everyone’s a fuck nugget.


Gammabrunta

Thank you inky fuck nugget. <3


Prime624

I mean she's on Reddit too, so she probably knows what redditors are like.


izwald88

Or in general. Most shy guys are not just some quiet, deep, spiritual person... Shyness often comes with from/with a lifetime of awkwardness, emotional stuntedness, and other unattractive qualities. I'm a shy guy, but the only thing that got me out of my shell and into the real world was to pretend I wasn't. Fake it till you make it!


snarfymcsnarfface

Haha they’re still adorable


Urhhh

Do these shy guys wear red hoodies and white face masks and are notably short?


FelixGoldenrod

I'm a shy guy in the streets and a Bob-omb in the sheets.


[deleted]

If I'm more shy around you than around other women or people in general then most likely I'm thinking about you.


BEE1967

Understand that our quietness does not signal a lack of interest. Many introverts, and I am one of them, can be quite chatty once we our comfortable with someone. I met my wife at a gathering a friend of mine was having and being shy I tended to stay by myself and help with either preparing food or serving drinks to everyone. I approached her group to ask if they needed anything, and her friend asked if I could get her another drink. I later found out that my wife had already seen me and thought I was attractive and asked her friend to help her meet me. After bringing the drink to her friend, my wife offered to help me bring out other things, so she went into the kitchen with me. She saw that I enjoyed cooking so she began to ask very innocent questions that allowed for just yes/no answers without becoming too personal. She also maintained space between us, and we ended up spending almost the entire night in the kitchen either cooking, cleaning dishes, or making drinks. At the end of the evening, she told me she really enjoyed spending the evening with me and gave me her phone number and then asked me to call her. Looking back she played it perfectly because as we talked I began to find her very intelligent and interesting as well as very beautiful. She did not try to force me to engage her or probe deeply to get to know me. I called her a few days later and asked if she would like to go see a movie we had said we both wanted to see, and the rest is history. The movie was perfect because I did not have to engage in conversation, but after the movie we had plenty to talk about. As an introvert, large gatherings can be very uncomfortable for us so we tend to stay to ourselves, but just because we tend to stay by ourselves we are paying attention to everything. Do not be aggressive but approach casually and you may find out that we have been paying attention to everything going on, we just do not talk about it.


crippledtemplar

Thanks for sharing this happy story!


sealysealycoelomate

Sometimes shy guys are being hard to read on purpose - in my case, I took the "don't ever sexually harass women" messaging we were taught in school very seriously, and in addition to thinking most people probably wouldn't be interested in me, I was very afraid of showing any kind of visible interest to anyone because I thought it would come across as inappropriate or creepy. Most of the time when someone caught my eye, my thought process went like this: "There's a very small chance she likes me too. It's much more likely that she's just naturally friendly, and it's nice that she's being nice to me, but it would be very rude of me to read anything into that. This social situation isn't a dating event; she's just trying to get on with her day, so I will do my very best to make her comfortable around me by acting as if I would never in a million years make an inappropriate advance toward her." It took me a long time to learn that it can be ok to express interest, that there were ways of doing so that aren't rude, and to have the confidence to think it might be well-received. Until I learned that, I probably came across as asexual and uninterested (and I sometimes found out years after the fact that someone had been interested but assumed from my behaviour that they had no chance with me). In situations like this, the advice is the same as a lot of other people have said: make the first move. A guy whose thought patterns are like mine used to be would be overjoyed to find out someone was interested.


[deleted]

This is actually funny because, I had a friend, I had gone to her place like at least 1 time a week, always took walks together and everyone thougt we were dating. I liked her but never made any move, so when whe stoped seeing each other for a few reasons and I started dating a girl that always made the first move torwards me, she got angry, because I never tried anything with ver but started dating other woman. Then I explained that I didn't do anything because I just thought she was beeing nice and a good friend, she doesn't speak to me more til this day.


snarfymcsnarfface

It’s funny because I have the same thoughts. “They’re just being nice, no way would he be interested in me, I’m not like the ideal woman, I’m awkward, quirky, not tall and beautiful”. And I also don’t want to come across as obnoxious, clingy, annoying. But what you say makes sense about the sexual harassment. It’s hard to date or get to know people when you’re a worrier or are really proper and considerate. Thanks for the insight. Really helpful.


sealysealycoelomate

The approach I go with nowadays is to do my best to set the situation up so that the other person can tell it's completely ok to say no - when I'm asking someone out, the focus of my thoughts isn't "I hope they say yes", it's "I want the act of asking to be as relaxed and pleasant for them as possible and I want them to know it's completely ok to reject me, and if they do reject me I'm going to be pleasant about it to put them at ease." It seems to work really well, and a funny side effect is that I actually enjoy the experience of being rejected when it goes well, because that feels like a success - my goal was to set up a situation where a rejection was ok, so when that happens, I've accomplished what I set out to do. And I've also quickly and efficiently answered the question of whether they were interested, which is much better than continuing to be unsure, and now I can get a head start on being interested in other people :)


SavesNine9

This is great. It shows real caring and respect for others.


sexycocyx

That's probably why you're into this guy honestly.


BeardedBassist21

I'm in this comment and I don't like it. Teach me your ways


OkSoNoQueso

Some women have said I'm quiet or hard to read. I think one of the least obvious ways I show interest is just by...watching you. No no no, seriously. My gf is the fucking cutest person ever and when we hang out I can just watch her eat, or read, or be engrossed in CSI, or talk to people. Fucking everything she does is just adorable. I love just...enjoying the things she does. I've kinda trained myself to actually express that though and actually tell her that she's being cute and that I'm attracted to her, but she definitely notices if I'm watching her and does a "whaaaaat 🥺"


snarfymcsnarfface

Ammmazing! I hope I can be that cute girl for a man one day. That’s like the ultimate relationship goal and all I’ve ever wanted.


punkish138

If you’re interested in a shy guy don’t just ask him for a date or it might be too much for him to process all at once. Start by asking how he’s doing followed by what he was doing this weekend. He’ll be probably embarrassed to say that he wasn’t partying or hanging out with friends so be supportive and interested in what he did. Make him feel like you like being around him. Remember that some shy guys will never ask you out because they’re too scared of rejection so once you feel like he’s comfortable around you (easy to tell by how open he’s in conversation) you can finally ask him out to hang out with you on weekends


snarfymcsnarfface

That’s great advice. Thank you.


Jonesre

Wow this is amazing advice


wishesandhopes

I'm traumatized from girls bullying me and abusing me throughout my life for being autistic, which is partially what makes me shy and nervous around girls sometimes. The advice I would give someone who is interested in someone shy without knowing much about them, would be to be careful with making jokes at their expense, even light playful ones at first. It can be difficult for me to determine if someone likes me or not if they do this, and usually the answer has been no.


snarfymcsnarfface

I’m so sorry about that. Those people are shitty and don’t deserve to know you. I was bullied relentlessly too, so I know the pain even in adulthood. Thank you for the advice. I tend to be considerate of others and would never joke at their expense. At most I’d tease about how adorable you are or how much I love your quirkiness.


wishesandhopes

Thank you, I'm in therapy for it now to try to move on but unfortunately my girlfriend left me about a week ago, though she was pretty abusive. It's nice to be reminded that some people do find my personality cute and wouldn't expect me to be somebody I'm not.


snarfymcsnarfface

I already like you! And glad you’re out of the abusive relationship. Been there. Honestly, I’m tired of being someone I’m not and am now trying to surround myself with genuine people. Toxic people are no good. I’m attracted to shy, nice, quirky, different, kind and gentle people.


wishesandhopes

Thank you! You seem like a very nice person, most guys who are shy really like kind and compassionate women who are confident in themselves. The type of person to tell the waiter when your order is wrong so you don't have to, which is actually one of the things I really miss about my ex haha.


snarfymcsnarfface

Haha love it! I would totally send back your order for you.


JobbyJobberson

Many of us do encourage our shy buddies, a little nudge can really help - so hang on, we've got people working on it! I'll take credit for two long, successful marriages by just saying to friends - "Hey!...umm... DUH. She would love it if you just said Hello whenever you see her in the break room. Just say Hello." And they did! And the girl took it from there.


Gifted321

We just going to glance at you and then look away


Mr_Shad0w

Sounds like you need to go out on a limb and tell them you're interested in them, and see what they say.


Ryouconfusedyett

I don't wanna scare people or seem threatening so I don't really make the first move. I'm 6"5, 215lbs and had a fairly big beard for a while and I'm 17 so I could potentially intimidate people on accident, which I'd rather not.


snarfymcsnarfface

Oh you need to use that your advantage. Women love big gentle guys. Love them! The beard is an added bonus, too.


pineapple-007

They might look at u a few times....


snarfymcsnarfface

What about a long phone conversation?


Liberty6000

A long phone conversation is a good sign since shy guys usually don't like long conversations


Vandergrif

Plus I would imagine most hate talking on the phone as well, so if they're willing to deal with that then it looks good.


basedlandchad10

Just ask. You're dealing with the same problem they are of being afraid to roll the dice. Don't be set on making him do so when you're equally capable and sound like you have a better understanding of the situation. Also, it's just the better strategy in the long run to learn to ask regardless of anything else going on.


imsozenbro

Staring and looking down when caught is a big sign


McNutty011001

You will never offend anyone worth dating by asking them.


jibbetygibbet

How do women know a man is interested? Easy, take the emotional risk yourself. Ask him.


[deleted]

If you're interested you should just make a comment. I'm generally shy and reserved but once I open up i'm easier to "read" I try hard to push myself out of my shell but it helps when other people push you as well.


snarfymcsnarfface

I don’t want to make him uncomfortable either so I’m super delicate. But I have made comments about how we need to talk more, he’s the nicest guy, that he’s my favourite and so on.


[deleted]

Don't worry about making him uncomfortable, don't be too assertive but push in the direction you want to go in. Some guys, like myself, are clueless, especially if they are busy and have a lot going on.


Nandredor

I swear I’m not glancing at you every few minutes cause I’m creepy, you’re cute and I don’t know if I should go up to you to say hi.


jackp0t789

Have you ever tried just telling them that you fancy them? Maybe I've just grown old and cynical in my 31 years, but wtf happened to just being direct and honest with your feelings and intentions? Radical honesty doesn't have to be cringe or weird. If you're into someone, just say so instead of waiting for them to give you a sign, because people are shit at both giving and reading signs like that. Don't be weird about it, just say, "Hey \[name/nickname\], I think you're really awesome and I'd like to spend more time with you". If they don't feel the same way, cool, you can still remain friends and at least you have that question off your shoulders. Direct, radical honesty. Try it out people!


Brekker-k

I don’t think that’s always gonna work. My first thought if a woman said that to me would definitely be along the lines of “she’s fuckin with me or making fun of me in some way” don’t know about you but I have never had anyone say they wanna hangout with me unless they where fuckin with me or wanted me to buy something for them.


udhrbxjskebebfndj

If we are within 6 feet of you, that is the sign


HotdogHoward

Here's a fun little piece of psychology that can help you figure out if people like you (different types of "like" depending on the situation, but that's a whole other layer of this): when a joke is told or something funny happens, see if that person is looking at you when they laugh. People look at the people they like when they are laughing.


snarfymcsnarfface

I’ve read that before too. There was an incident where someone made the fella I like laugh and he looked directly at me whilst blushing.


HotdogHoward

And that right there is an IRL like.


Touchdmytralala

The answer is yes, they're interested.


snarfymcsnarfface

I need evidence! I’m shy and insecure.


Touchdmytralala

No can do, too shy.


snarfymcsnarfface

Dammit why are shy guys so adorable.


sexycocyx

The last thing we ever consider ourselves is adorable.


SmashBusters

Just ask them out, be very flirty when you're out, hug him at the end of the date and put some love into it (slide your hand along his back A LITTLE BIT while maintaining the hug, make your cheeks touch, or rest your head on his shoulder A LITTLE BIT). Second date you can kiss him on the cheek at the end if he's still being shy. Third date you can get very quiet, focus your eyes on his lips, and slowly start moving your lips toward his. If he doesn't move also, ask him gently if he's okay. At that point you're either going to find out he has no romantic interest or he is completely clueless with women and/or has never kissed a girl before. Assuming he IS interested but just very shy - you are going to be his guide to sexual awakening. Have fun. Take it slow. You'll definitely have to put his hand on your boob during the first real make out sesh.


snarfymcsnarfface

Oh man. That is AMAZING! I want all of that.


slick1260

Speaking for myself, nothing turns me on more than a woman outright showing she's interested in me. Whether it be complimenting my appearance in a more-than-friends kind of way or straight up asking me out. Women so rarely make the first move that when they do, it stands out in a big fucking way. That shy, introverted guy you like might be thinking the same things about you that you think about him. He hasn't or won't ask you out though for a variety of potential reasons. 1) He's super nervous. 2) He's been rejected waaaaay too many times to the point that another "no" just doesn't seem worth gathering the nerves for. 3) He's misread signs of friendship as signs of interest before and doesn't want to be embarrassed again. 4) He's shy and introverted so things like that already put him at a slight disadvantage as far as comfort level. Is it hard to gather the courage to ask someone out? Absolutely. Sometimes you just have to take that risk and hope it was worth it.


naruumpie

I just assume most ppl see me as a D-bag and that everyone is out of my league. Working on it tho.


snarfymcsnarfface

I hear you. I feel the same way. It’s a hard thing to get over if you feel that way you’re whole life. Fucking intrusive thoughts.


ChuckyJo

Maybe you’re hard to read. Shy guys don’t like to put themselves out there so they’re are probably looking for clear signs that you’re interested. If they’re not getting that from you, they’ll continue to hang back and not make a move


snarfymcsnarfface

What can I do to be obvious, but not like aggressive?


ChuckyJo

Just ask him out. If a shy guy seems to like talking to you, just go for it. If you don’t want to actually ask him out you can tell him that he should ask you out sometime. Take all of the guess work out of it.


blizzardfang

pass this message along all the women of time


treborcj

We try to get your attention by not drawing attention to ourselves. I know catch 22.


NotReallyAlanTuring

In my case, I’m autistic so most people don’t know how to read me, and I don’t know how to read most people. I’ve had a lot of difficulty dating and don’t have a lot of confidence about it, so Im never on the lookout for signs that women may be interested in me. It’s almost inconceivable that I may be interesting to other people.


snarfymcsnarfface

You’re very interesting to me.


FoxFetter

I'm not a shy guy myself anymore, but this seriously puts my faith back in women. I love seeing women putting effort into going after men, it's so wholesome. It really makes us feel appreciated


snarfymcsnarfface

We should do it more. My issue is how insecure I am. I’m afraid to open up and put myself out there. I literally think he’s going to laugh in my face and tell me how disgusting I am. I know that’s unlikely to happen, but it’s my biggest fear.


words_of_j

Wish I had a better answer, but really you just have to ask us out. When in college, a good friend who i had a HUGE crush on, even missed an hour of sleep during a horribly tough time in her course-workload to bake from scratch, and deliver to my apartment door, a birthday cake. My roomate even swore she "liked" me romantically but I just didn't want to risk it. I REALLY liked her and valued her so much as a friend that I just couldn't risk the uncomfortable drifting apart if I asked her out and she didn't want that. But if she had asked me out, I'd have been floating on air. For really shy guys, we are often quite fun to be around once we relax. But in the anxiety ridden moments of even thinking of asking you on a date, we will come across as half-wit idiots who have zero social skills (and we kinda do have zero social skills when anxious). So just ask us. Can be nice and casual, like you hadn't given a lot of thought to it, but were considering that we might be worth it to try dating. You can try asking us if we'd like to go on a date but even that can have a little risk (but is direct enough to usually work). Instead tell us YOU'd like to go on a date with us, and ask us if that's ok. Also if a shy guy stranger asks you if you have boyfriend, or if you are single, that is them trying to work up the nerve to see if you'd like to get coffee or dinner or something. They might chicken out and not ask even if you are single, so take that as a cue to ask them, if you are interested. ​ In high school, while a gave a girl a ride home - a girl I had noticed, tried to talk to, and thought was incredibly cute, she told me she thought sex w/the right guy was ok. as we got to her house she said her parents weren't home, and asked me if I wanted to come in for a snack or drink of water or anything. I only realized she was hitting on me about 3-weeks later, and wanted to slap myself for being so much in my own head. Sad ending... it was too late and she'd moved on. Shy guys really need you to be very direct and specific about your interest. And if you are a shy guy reading this, you really just have to put it all on the line and risk rejection. I've learned that. If you take that risk early, the emotional loss you'll feel is much smaller than if you try to work up courage. So just do it. Ask! And be ready for ANY answer (yes/no and in between).


Shadysmoke36

Maybe the thread should be "The signs a girl is interested in you for shy introverted guys" To be honest I just assume all comments are just the woman being nice


Mycroft033

Honestly same


kumchum

shy women why are you so hard to read, we love you too!


klousGT

Shyness = fear Fear of rejection, fear of judgment, fear or something. If you can find a way to remove the fear, you'll remove the shyness.


anima1mother

Im normally a shy quiet guy and its so awkward to make moves on woman for me. When I do try it comes off as weird and creepy. I really don't like the whole "game" that's involved with the mating ritual. Its so cheesey to me. I just wish if someone liked me they would not beat around the bush and just tell me. My brother always tells me that I'm clueless when woman hit on me.


DK_Son

If you think he's interested in you, then just approach him about it. For too long it has been left up to the guy to do the approaching. It's overwhelming for us, especially when it leaves us with all the risk and all the rejections. Just level out the field a bit more. Guys deserve that "omg she asked me out" feeling too.


obligatoryclevername

Stop playing games and just ask.


[deleted]

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