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YTA. First you took photos of your friends doing something private between them, then broke your promise to keep their relationship a secret, and then shared something that was not yours to share AND outed them. You have no concept of boundaries, and no concept of respect. If you were a good friend you wouldn’t have taken the photos in the first place.
Outing people is dangerous. Amanda and friend 4 clearly understand this, that’s why they asked you not to tell. (Honestly, their request was the moment you should have deleted all those photos you took, making sure that no one else would ever see them. But you didn’t!)
Let me say it clearly so you can understand: OTHER PEOPLES’ SEXUALITY IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE YOUR’S TO ANNOUNCE.
YTA, not cool, you cannot out people regardless of how you feel.
Obviously not right of your friend to play being homophobic, but with her highly religious and not accepting family, she could have been doing it for her safety and self preservation. You ruined all that, and now she’s not allowed to attend school and lord knows what’s going on behind closed doors with her family.
YTA in ALL the ways.
Let's just start with **you NEVER out somebody else!**
You didn't help her. You shared pictures of her kissing someone that you took *without her consent* with a whole group of people. That's gross, and a serious violation. Then those people went and gossipped to a whole bunch of other people.
Have you looked up the statistics of gay kids who get bullied, or commit suicide? Do you know how many thousands of gay kids get kicked out of their families and end up homeless??! Do you even care???!!!
YTA. You can call someone out for being homophobic without outing them and that's absolutely the route you should have taken. And using someone's sexuality as a threat is awful as well. I get that you were trying to stop her from being homophobic but your actions weren't exactly the actions of an ally to anyone LGBTQ.
Outing someone is NEVER okay! You don’t know her living situation, her parents could have kicked her out and disowned her. They could be emotionally and physically abusive. As a result, you broke her trust, and you literally put her in harms way.
ESH, but you suck hardest. You owe her an apology larger than can be apologized. She’s a raging hypocrite, and in a particularly disgusting way, but that does not even remotely excuse what you did.
Look, I totally get your mad and your big bad parents are mad at you because they’re religious. No matter how fucked up it is you’re out now. Idk how to tell you this but maybe it’s good you don’t have to say homophobic jokes to feel better about yourself??
That girl you like isn’t end game. You’re both 14 and children. I get why you punched OP but OP isn’t worth it. You both need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourselves WHY you’re being homophobic and projecting and getting mad at people for stuff you “kind of” started.
OP needs to mind their business and learn to turn around and walk away. It was not their business to tell or show. But here you go, you both learned you don’t like each other and are not friends.
now listen. stop acting like you know everything about this i already have people doing that for me. Do you understand the meaning of a joke? something that shouldnt be taken literally. and they didnt take it literally! No, we make jokes about all sorts of messed up things, i make fun of them, they make fun of my religion. We're friends, thats how it works. i've never said anything to directly offend any of them on their sexualities and if i did, they'd tell me and i apologize and vice versa with my religion. the answer as to WHY we are making these kinds of jokes is because we are kids and we're stupid and cant take anything seriously.
What was i thinking? well maybe u shouldnt have said those things to "friend #3" (yk her) and plus why wont you just look at the bright side? just tell your parents its not hard... And why did you hit me twice??
YOU OUTTED HER. YES IT IS HARD. Queer kids get kicked out, raped, abused, MURDERED by their parents year after year after YEAR. What is wrong with you OP?
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YTA
Never EVER out someone. That is not your place period. You don't ever EVER out a person. You can speak to them or not but otherwise wow. This is so cut and dried that it qualifies as a fire hazard
YTA. Oh my god. OP this is so messed up. You should never have outed your friend or threatened to out her. That is beyond manipulative. You didn't know how friend #3 took the situation like you said so you just shouldve asked her instead of threatening Amanda every time she said something you didn't like. Also taking pictures of people kissing is really creepy.
Not cool. You don’t out people. Ever.
I get that you haven’t had much life experience yet, but what you did could have (and may have!) put Amanda in danger. You don’t know how they treat her behind closed doors.
I assume you want to be a good person, and that you want to think well of yourself. But you did an unkind and potentially dangerous thing to someone who was already going through a tough time. That isn’t helping.
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I am in a friendgroup of 5 of us in total and all of us are atheist or agnostic besides one of us, Amanda.
We all respect eachother's opinions and beliefs as much as possible but when it comes to sexuality she's very straightforward and can make very small homophobic remarks that rub us the wrong way sometimes but it's all jokes so we just look the other way.
Then this last Monday, i saw something i probably shouldnt have. Her and friend #4 (they're bestfriends) in our group, behind the school kissing. I panicked and i thought...i dunno why but i pulled my phone out on camera and i took a few pictures. I was ready to turn back and i heard them call to me. They were shouting for a while but after i calmed them down i told them i saw everything and they said asked me to keep them a secret and i agreed.
We were talking one night in chat and Amanda started teasing friend #3 about her being lesbian. I couldnt just sit there, i asked her why she was doing that and she said "all in good fun, chill" (btw idk if friend #3 was laughing at the jokes ot not). I said that if she continued then i would show the group pictures i took with her and friend #4 . I was bluffing obviously but then she took it seriously and that led to us having a small arguement and when she and friend #4 went offline for the night i ended up showing the group the pictures (the pictures didnt go anywhere but our personal group) and everyone was as shocked as i first was.
But i didnt know that they would go tell the grade group. Friend #3 and #5 went to the grade group, where everyone in our grade was and knew Amanda for being that one homophobe it girl and told them about it (they didnt put the picture, just said it). And everyone in the group was shipping them! Like no one was wierded out or badminded her but everyone was pretty cool about it so i thought everything was gonna be fine.
The next day Amanda came to school early and i got a right hook in my face first thing. I asked her what's wrong and she was bawling her eyes out asking how i could do this to her and she showed me the messages on her phone from people in our grade and found out one of them told her brother about it and he told their parents and now they're not letting her see friend #4 anymore. I feel horrible, honestly but not really. I mean i feel like i helped her. She wouldnt have been able to tell anyone about her sexuality by herself so i feel like i maybe helped her. Then she reminded me about the promise i made to keep it a secret but i just told her that she should be grateful and things will get better for her and i got a left hook and she left.
I thought that it would be okay for her but her extremely religious parents are now stopping her from coming to school and no one from our group will talk to me because they think i shouldnt have sent it (even friend #3 and 5 who sent it to the grade group). And I am pretty sure Amanda will see this because she knows my account. So AITA?
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Esh it's not OK to out people, but it's also not OK to act homphobic and rude to others either.
Also..photos, really? I'd say grow up but you yourself are still just a kid. So I'll sub that with please think before you do something and consider the consequences of your actions first.
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YTA It's never your place to out someone. Grow TF up.
Fully agree. You never out someone. YTA
YTA. First you took photos of your friends doing something private between them, then broke your promise to keep their relationship a secret, and then shared something that was not yours to share AND outed them. You have no concept of boundaries, and no concept of respect. If you were a good friend you wouldn’t have taken the photos in the first place. Outing people is dangerous. Amanda and friend 4 clearly understand this, that’s why they asked you not to tell. (Honestly, their request was the moment you should have deleted all those photos you took, making sure that no one else would ever see them. But you didn’t!) Let me say it clearly so you can understand: OTHER PEOPLES’ SEXUALITY IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE YOUR’S TO ANNOUNCE.
Wow. You're definitely TA. "I feel bad about it, but not really because I feel like I helped her". Are you actually serious?
YTA, not cool, you cannot out people regardless of how you feel. Obviously not right of your friend to play being homophobic, but with her highly religious and not accepting family, she could have been doing it for her safety and self preservation. You ruined all that, and now she’s not allowed to attend school and lord knows what’s going on behind closed doors with her family.
YTA in ALL the ways. Let's just start with **you NEVER out somebody else!** You didn't help her. You shared pictures of her kissing someone that you took *without her consent* with a whole group of people. That's gross, and a serious violation. Then those people went and gossipped to a whole bunch of other people. Have you looked up the statistics of gay kids who get bullied, or commit suicide? Do you know how many thousands of gay kids get kicked out of their families and end up homeless??! Do you even care???!!!
YTS. You’re The Snitch!
you are certainly TA
YTA. Let's hope karma drops in on your hypocritical ass.
YTA. You can call someone out for being homophobic without outing them and that's absolutely the route you should have taken. And using someone's sexuality as a threat is awful as well. I get that you were trying to stop her from being homophobic but your actions weren't exactly the actions of an ally to anyone LGBTQ.
Outing someone is NEVER okay! You don’t know her living situation, her parents could have kicked her out and disowned her. They could be emotionally and physically abusive. As a result, you broke her trust, and you literally put her in harms way.
YTA
ESH, but you suck hardest. You owe her an apology larger than can be apologized. She’s a raging hypocrite, and in a particularly disgusting way, but that does not even remotely excuse what you did.
You had to come to Reddit for this?
Hey Manda :)
Looks like everyone's on my side, huh? What were you thinking?
Look, I totally get your mad and your big bad parents are mad at you because they’re religious. No matter how fucked up it is you’re out now. Idk how to tell you this but maybe it’s good you don’t have to say homophobic jokes to feel better about yourself?? That girl you like isn’t end game. You’re both 14 and children. I get why you punched OP but OP isn’t worth it. You both need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourselves WHY you’re being homophobic and projecting and getting mad at people for stuff you “kind of” started. OP needs to mind their business and learn to turn around and walk away. It was not their business to tell or show. But here you go, you both learned you don’t like each other and are not friends.
now listen. stop acting like you know everything about this i already have people doing that for me. Do you understand the meaning of a joke? something that shouldnt be taken literally. and they didnt take it literally! No, we make jokes about all sorts of messed up things, i make fun of them, they make fun of my religion. We're friends, thats how it works. i've never said anything to directly offend any of them on their sexualities and if i did, they'd tell me and i apologize and vice versa with my religion. the answer as to WHY we are making these kinds of jokes is because we are kids and we're stupid and cant take anything seriously.
What was i thinking? well maybe u shouldnt have said those things to "friend #3" (yk her) and plus why wont you just look at the bright side? just tell your parents its not hard... And why did you hit me twice??
YOU OUTTED HER. YES IT IS HARD. Queer kids get kicked out, raped, abused, MURDERED by their parents year after year after YEAR. What is wrong with you OP?
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YTA. You were wrong for taking photos, and you were wrong for outing someone not ready to be outed.
YTA
ESH - “small” homophobic remarks are not jokes. It’s still homophobic. You shouldn’t be putting people.
YTA Never EVER out someone. That is not your place period. You don't ever EVER out a person. You can speak to them or not but otherwise wow. This is so cut and dried that it qualifies as a fire hazard
YTA. Oh my god. OP this is so messed up. You should never have outed your friend or threatened to out her. That is beyond manipulative. You didn't know how friend #3 took the situation like you said so you just shouldve asked her instead of threatening Amanda every time she said something you didn't like. Also taking pictures of people kissing is really creepy.
YTA but you already knew that.
Not cool. You don’t out people. Ever. I get that you haven’t had much life experience yet, but what you did could have (and may have!) put Amanda in danger. You don’t know how they treat her behind closed doors. I assume you want to be a good person, and that you want to think well of yourself. But you did an unkind and potentially dangerous thing to someone who was already going through a tough time. That isn’t helping.
Esh but you suck a lot. It's never your place to put someone
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am in a friendgroup of 5 of us in total and all of us are atheist or agnostic besides one of us, Amanda. We all respect eachother's opinions and beliefs as much as possible but when it comes to sexuality she's very straightforward and can make very small homophobic remarks that rub us the wrong way sometimes but it's all jokes so we just look the other way. Then this last Monday, i saw something i probably shouldnt have. Her and friend #4 (they're bestfriends) in our group, behind the school kissing. I panicked and i thought...i dunno why but i pulled my phone out on camera and i took a few pictures. I was ready to turn back and i heard them call to me. They were shouting for a while but after i calmed them down i told them i saw everything and they said asked me to keep them a secret and i agreed. We were talking one night in chat and Amanda started teasing friend #3 about her being lesbian. I couldnt just sit there, i asked her why she was doing that and she said "all in good fun, chill" (btw idk if friend #3 was laughing at the jokes ot not). I said that if she continued then i would show the group pictures i took with her and friend #4 . I was bluffing obviously but then she took it seriously and that led to us having a small arguement and when she and friend #4 went offline for the night i ended up showing the group the pictures (the pictures didnt go anywhere but our personal group) and everyone was as shocked as i first was. But i didnt know that they would go tell the grade group. Friend #3 and #5 went to the grade group, where everyone in our grade was and knew Amanda for being that one homophobe it girl and told them about it (they didnt put the picture, just said it). And everyone in the group was shipping them! Like no one was wierded out or badminded her but everyone was pretty cool about it so i thought everything was gonna be fine. The next day Amanda came to school early and i got a right hook in my face first thing. I asked her what's wrong and she was bawling her eyes out asking how i could do this to her and she showed me the messages on her phone from people in our grade and found out one of them told her brother about it and he told their parents and now they're not letting her see friend #4 anymore. I feel horrible, honestly but not really. I mean i feel like i helped her. She wouldnt have been able to tell anyone about her sexuality by herself so i feel like i maybe helped her. Then she reminded me about the promise i made to keep it a secret but i just told her that she should be grateful and things will get better for her and i got a left hook and she left. I thought that it would be okay for her but her extremely religious parents are now stopping her from coming to school and no one from our group will talk to me because they think i shouldnt have sent it (even friend #3 and 5 who sent it to the grade group). And I am pretty sure Amanda will see this because she knows my account. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You don't out someone.
Esh it's not OK to out people, but it's also not OK to act homphobic and rude to others either. Also..photos, really? I'd say grow up but you yourself are still just a kid. So I'll sub that with please think before you do something and consider the consequences of your actions first.