By - throwingaway123678
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I pretended like I had no idea what race my child was and embarrassed a woman at the grocery store. She really was just asking a question I guess, and I could have just told her the answer instead of doing what I did.
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>Then she asked how long I’d been nannying for his parents
Holy shit, ***what?!***
>I picked Rue up and held him at eye level while asking how he was able to pull the long con on me and hide his true identity for so long. He giggled, which made me laugh, and the lady looked bright red and very annoyed because people were looking at us.
Ahahahahahaa you absolute legend. Fuck yeah.
Honestly, you’d be surprised how many people ask me if I’m the babysitter every time I’m out with my kid lol.
Like why would this be okay? The least offensive way I can even think of if you're SO DESPERATE to be nosey is that weird, "And who's this little love?" and hope the other person says what their link to the kid is. That's at a proper push and I would only use it if I thought I was looking at a kidnapped kid, not for the sake of it 😂
I'm surprised you didn't get some white women crying because you were so mean!!
Tbh as a white woman I *would* probably cry to have my child's parenthood called into question all the time (not how the above poster mentioned it, but in general). I feel for OP, people need to mind their business. Especially I see really weird questions to POC on here (like the one today about them washing their hair, wtf). They might not mean for their innocent questions to come off maliciously but that doesn't actually make it better for the recipient of those questions.
My mom did because as a kid I was blue-eyed, blonde, and simultaneously looked like I was, according to people, Chinese. So she was constantly getting 'YOU'RE the mother?' and 'where'd you adopt the blond Chinese kid?'. (I was not adopted.)
I'm half white, quarter Mexican, quarter native American. ended up with fairly almond shaped eyes that make people STRUGGLE to place an ethnicity every time i dye my hair black
My daughter in law is exactly the same ethnic mix. she has beautiful black hair. My grand children are gorgeous.
I’m the same mix and ppl are always trying to guess what I am it’s bizarre
I’m half white, half Chinese, and it’s white people’s favorite game. I hate it, because it’s racist and xenophobic. So I just really make them work for it. Where am I from? My hometown. But where are your parents from? Queens and my hometown. But where are your grandparents from? Well my one is from Croatia and the other from queens! HA.
The funny thing to me is that my Chinese side has been here far longer than my white side, but it’s the Chinese side they makes them other and question me.
when I'm tanner, I get asked if I'm Hawaiian!
I’m “just” Black and ppl still struggle. I’ve been told I look “exotic” since I can remember and I’ve always HATED it.
I’m mostly white but I have some black ancestry of which is quite visible and people call me “exotic” too. It’s disgusting. Or they ask where I’m “originally” from. Yuck.
My dad got stopped a lot with me. He's black and I'm super white but despite skin tone I'm a carbon copy of my father, look nothing like my mom. People would stop him and ask who's baby he had all the time. I would get asked in school by adults if I was adopted or if he was my step dad and then they would see us side by side and really look then see we have the same face lol now I have a blonde haired blue eyed boy so I'm sure my dad will get stopped again once he starts doing activities with him outside the house. My son looks just like his father and nothing like me as well so I'm always waiting for that question. I have really dark brown eyes and hair and he has most of his father's facial features.
Be careful of women who might try to "rescue" the kid. They do that and run away with the kid to sell them. 3 women got caught trying it.
Do you have a link?
I’m worried when I start going out with my kids more when they’re older. 😂 They look like copies of my fiancé as a kid (blonde with blue eyes/thin straight hair/pale as hell), when I’m over here dark brown hair/brown eyes/thicker wavy hair/tan instantly when I get in the sun… Idk how they got pretty much all the recessive traits possible lol
My mother has olive skin, dark hair, dark eyes, as does my older brother. I have pale skin, was blonde as a young child and have light eyes, as do my other two siblings with whom I share a mother. People would look at mum with all 4 of us, and despite my brother having her colouring, would ask mum if he was adopted.
It's really insane to me how much people mind everyone's business but their own. Maybe I'm just self involved, but 99% of the time when I'm out running errands I just don't even notice other people. And even if I did step outside my own little bubble and notice someone, it would never even enter my mind to approach them and start acting like a jerk and ask rude questions. Holy crap, I just can't even imagine it.
Reminds me of the TV presenter they showed a clip of on John Oliver:
"I just feel like you can't say anything without being attacked and called racist!"
Well there are all the non-racist things that you could say.
Apparently my mom, a Hispanic women, used to get this a lot with me, who was blond and blue eyed. Like, the absolute audacity to walk up to someone not white with a baby and go “so you’re the nanny, obviously”
It's not exclusive to other races. I have a friend who is young and Irish living in the US. She's constantly asked about her nannying her own children because of her accent.
I was a nanny in college and worked for a white family (I’m white). I was 20 and looked 16 and the oldest was 9. People called her my daughter ALL THE TIME even though we looked nothing alike other than being white. Having an accent may prompt this too, but it’s far more likely to happen to people who aren’t white. Just to be fair.
NTA OP. That shit was racist as hell. It’s 2022 and people need to stop feeling within their rights to comment on other people’s race.
Hell, my brother is around 10 years younger than me and people would *constantly* assume I was his Mom when he was a toddler. WTF. I was 12!
My brother is a huge fucking toddler but if I was holding him in public for the fist year and a half of his life people would ask if I was his mom and look at my dad suspiciously.
I am white and also worked as a nanny for many years. I was once a nanny for an Indian family. People ALWAYS assumed I was the children's mother! Even though I was in my early twenties and not the same race as them. People were always surprised to find out I was their nanny. As you said, if you're white, people assume you're the parent whether or not you resemble the children. If you're another race, they assume you're the nanny, whether or not you resemble the children.
Suppose depends on a country. I'm white and people here assume I'm a nanny to my own kid,who resembles my husband more (Asian)
Telling me I should have my own kids instead if taking care of other people's kids... 💀
Yeah, I've had it happen to me, too, while they were in the process of hitting on my then husband. "Oh, you must be the nanny." Blond haired blue eyed baby looked like his father, but I have brown eyes and reddish brown hair. Nope, not the nanny. "Oh....so you're his aunt?"
what fucking energy tho to one
1. See two people standing next to one another
2. They have a baby
And deduce obviously they aren’t a couple and hit on one of them
Like I feel like 9/10 times that’s gonna be a married couple with their kid what were they operating on.
Agreed! My children look ALOT like me and I was constantly asked if I was babysitting….even a Dr asked me what relationship I was to my 14 year old son…all because I am short, so people equate that with young I guess?!?!
Aha! I'm beginning to get this too - my son is 12, and is already 4 inches taller than me. I got *really* weird side-eye and the "and you are..?" the last two times I took him to appointments. Was beginning to think I must just look really shifty 🤣
Sorry, don’t mean to laugh but this happened to me and my wife once. In the elevator at the doctor’s office and on our way down and elderly lady stepped in, saw my holding my wife close as she was miserable, and said “it’s terrible when the little ones are not well”. I just politely said “yes, it is” and left it at that. We laughed about it all the way home in the car.
My mom is blonde and blue eyed and she’d get asked because we look a bit more like my dad did coloring wise — olive skin, dark hair etc so I guess it goes both ways?
Really people should just mind their own business
So at least it goes both ways sometimes lol
Dark-haired, grey-eyed woman here with a dark-haired, hazel-eyed daughter and a sandy-blonde, green-eyed son. I speak Spanish to them and when they were little, quickly learned to wear clothing I did not mind getting ruined.
Where we lived for a few years, the moms were mostly bottle blondes who dressed up. More than one person presumed I was the nanny.
This happened to a family friend of mine but the other way around. She's white and her husband is Mexican and as a result their child is (surprise surprise) ALSO Mexican. Some old woman asked something insensitive (I can't remember now, but I think about him being adopted) and she was like "I carried this guy for nine months inside my own body, I'm pretty sure he's mine."
Edit to clarify: upon re-reading I realized this comes across as if adopted children aren't their parents real children and I don't believe that to be the case. In this specific scenario, her child is not adopted, just looks a LOT like their father.
It’s so wild how people feel the need to go up to strangers to make assumptions about their families
I have no idea in what universe that's acceptable behavior. I work in a library in a bougie part of town and there are a LOT of nannies who take their kids to the library and I would STILL never assume someone is the nanny unless they said so. Much less ASK about it. Embarrassing. Also, there are a lot of different family situations and people might not want to talk about it?
The carer could be an aunt/uncle, grandparent, family friend, parent, nanny, or any number of people. A risky thing to guess 😬
There are so many different types of families and problems that a family can have that it’s like, don’t open that can of worms in public with a stranger
I'm Hispanic and same thing with a blond, blue eyed child and I have literally had this same conversation at the grocery store. Idk why people think it's appropriate.
My kids Spanish teacher here is Germany is Argentinian, husband is German. They have three kids and it looks like the Argentinian genes ran out.
First kid dark hair dark eyes slightly darker skin, copy of the mother, clearly not German.
Next one dark hair dark eyes, but light skin and could be German. Last one blond blue eyed, 100% the father.
I’m adopted. I’m Asian and my mother is whiter than whiteout.
When I was a baby apparently some lady in the grocery store asked her if I spoke English. My mum looked at her and said, “no, she’s a baby, she speaks gibberish”
And my mum wants to know why I’m so sassy - GOT IT FROM YOU, MOTHER
☝️ hahahahaha🎉🎊🎂 totally awesome, and true, response.
People stop my family sometimes and ask our daughter who we are. She'll happily tell them she's with her Mummy and Mama, causing so many confused looks! They always follow the same reasoning too:
1 - Assume kid is with Mum and a female relative.
2 - Hear 'Mummy and Mama' and somehow assume one of us is the Aunt.
3 - Act as though both of us being her parent is impossible.
4 - Change tack and ask which one is the 'real' (birth) mother.
If at any point they hear that we are both her bio-parents then it's open season because that's 'IMPOSSIBLE' and we simply *must* tell them all of the intensively personal information that explains how. We've gotten into the habit of saying 'Science and modern medicine' instead. A few have realised how, and that usually opens a whole new can of worms.
OP had the best reaction ever and is an absolute legend! If I had witnessed that, I'd be hanging on to my trolly to avoid rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter!
Even if your initial assumption is that they are the babysitter/nanny, surely, once they tell you that they are the parent, you would accept that (not specifically you Important Sprinkles, but the hypothetical you/one).
Since, yes, mixed-race children exist, and so does adoption, egg/sperm donation, and/or surrogacy.
All of these are perfectly normal family formats. Judgy McJudgerson is just a racist bigot
my wife and I are of different races. Our son looks 100% like her. The initial jokes were funny, but it wears off quickly. I have 4 family members who are adopted, not all of the same race.
No one should ever feel "othered". And calling someone out for othering is justified. They don't have to be my DNA to be my kids. They don't have to look like me to be mine. They don't have to be or do or look like anything they aren't. They are perfect exactly as they are.
Sure it could have been in a less AHish way, but shame on the person for assuming, then pushing.
When I was a kid and went to the store with my dad, the cashier would always assume I was "next in line" instead of with my dad. Irritating as fuck.
At a little company BBQ where families were invited, I had co-workers of my parents (both my parents) assume I was my dad's mail order wife (I'm adopted and asian) which was very very embarrassing for them when I pointed out both my parents... one of whom was their boss.
That is funny.
Did you tell your parents?
How old were you at the time? Still a teen?
I'm adopted too and people can have some dumb assumptions sometimes.
I was maybe 19? It was just absurd because they worked with BOTH my parents everyday. I did tell my parents, they didn't think it was as funny as I did. To be fair I wouldn't think it was funny to work with morons either. 😅
That is so gross. I had a coworker who was half Vietnamese and half white and they got this assumption when she went car shopping with her white Dad.
Omg this happens with me and my husband sometimes. They seriously ask him if he's also buying the stuff I'm putting on the counter. Like for real? You think I just go up to random men and try to sneak my purchases into theirs?
If it makes you feel any better I work retail. The number of people who I have come in a group, pile all their stuff up together, and then inside on being rung up separately is insane. They usually wait until I'm halfway done too, so asking saves me so much time and headache. Nothing
personal, just have to keep things like voids low or the corporate overlords get upset.
TBH I think those kind of comments are worse for fathers because I've seen jokes and comments along the lines of questioning who the baby's father is when the baby looks like their mother's race, (even when the baby has other clear characteristics from their dad, like they have dad's face and mum's skin colour), which I think is extremely rude.
At least that same joke applied to a mother is absurdist enough that no one's going to get the wrong idea. Although it still makes me roll my eyes.
It implies that the father got stuck with a kid that's not his, but it implies that the mom is a cheater -- she should be much more insulted.
Isn't that kind of comment "worse" for the mother? The implication there is that *she* cheated. It's absolutely rude, but it's an attack on her character, not his.
At the end of the day it's not a competition and it's all rude and unnecessary for everyone involved, but if we're playing the "worse" game, I think it's worse for a mom to be accused of cheating than it is for a dad for the mother of his baby to be accused of cheating...
Yup, my parents had foster kids so we were always with kids who looked nothing like us. It is okay to wonder what the relationship is or wonder if the kid is adopted. But it is NEVER okay to ask. Just assume that the adult the kid is with is their parent, or if the adult is really, really old, grandparent.
The joke goes "oh, that one? That was the milkman, the other was the mailman, then the cable guy... and honestly, I forgot the last, I just remembered it was a really great time!"
People are noisy af. The most I'll say to someone is "oh I bet you hear a lot of interesting comments or questions!" And they'll just laugh and be like, yeah... but that's if we're already talking or they bring it up or whatever.
As a woman who looks nothing like their very Greek father but exactly like my very English mother, trust me when I say there is no way to correct someone’s false assumptions about your relationship with your son without causing awkwardness. Nor, quite frankly, should you have to. People need to stop making stupid assumptions about people they don’t know.
A woman who has had to explain to grown adults far too many times that I’m not my father’s girlfriend.
Ask them for guesses. Doesn't remove the awkwardness, but sure gives them a chance to bow out.
>trust me when I say there is no way to correct someone’s false assumptions about your relationship with your son without causing awkwardness.
It works the other way, too. My dad adopted 2 boys from 2 different families while he was married to his first wife. At church, one of the church ladies in charge of the kids' groups marched up to my dad and said he needed to punish the younger boy for lying. My dad asked what about. She said "he told me he's adopted!" My dad said "he is".
She chewed my dad out for "playing along" with the lie, until my dad got angry enough at her to convince her he wasn't.
Why would she assume the kid would lie about that? Or your dad, for that matter?
No idea for my brother, except that in family pictures with dad, the 2 older boys, my mom (2nd wife, after first wife died), me (from her first marriage), and my younger brother (theirs together), we looked like we could be one nuclear family, all blood related.
He did grow up to lie a LOT, though, so maybe she'd caught him in other lies.
Dad, though, liked stupid little jokes. Like he'd be parking the car, and someone would ask mom where he was. Dad always wanted her to say "we're separated right now" just for the reaction, and would get annoyed that she wouldn't.
One time, years later, she was hurt in a car crash on the way to work. Dad called her office to say she wouldn't be in. Was getting truly upset that mom's coworker didn't believe him and assumed mom was just running late.
I don't know if this helps but I used to get the opposite situation when I was a nanny. I'm white with brown hair and so were the parents and the babies, and I was 24 at the time so people often assumed I was the mom (actual mom was 30).
The best version of this was all three of us took the kids to the pediatrician together and the nurse practitioner looked at the three of us and her brain like, visibly flatlined as she tried to puzzle out which of us was the mother and if there was some sort of poly situation happening or what.
I nannied in college. People always assumed I was his mom, no big deal. But dad wasn’t in the picture, so people in our fairly small town saw him with either me or his mom, and assumed that we were a couple. A lady at the library said hello to me and said, “oh, I met your partner at the park a few weeks ago! It’s funny how he doesn’t look a thing like either of you!” It’s been more than 10 years and the mom and I still laugh over it!
I brought my kids into the ER for a rash. I have 4 kids. The oldest has a different dad and he is super pale with white blonde hair. The younger three are with my bf who is Mexican so they are mixed. The nurse was silent and finally asked like she had an epiphany “oh, do you foster?” I said no, she sighed and was silent the rest of the time.
Speaking as someone who used to work with patients, she was probably going through a list of possibilities like not wanting to imply that you looked like an older sister and baby was an oops / actual mom is a young-looking grandma? / maybe poly? / friendly relationship with ex-wife as mom and new wife as co-parent / open adoption?
If there was just one person accompanying the patient - who were adults so I didn't have quite the same issues - I'd either ask the patient who their 'friend'/'companion' was, or ask the person themselves what their relationship was with the patient. (There were plenty of "she is his DAUGHTER" moments to warn colleagues about but I only ever got tripped up by assumptions a couple times.)
I hate when that happens. I once had someone ask if I'm sure I got the correct child at the hospital because I'm black and my daughter is extremely light skinned (absolute copy and paste of my husband). 😒😒 Like okay there's something called genetics and there's 2 parents, calm ya tits.
The things people say are absolutely ridiculous. When he was 5mo I had someone tell me that I looked too tan to be his mother. Like I had control over how much melanin the kid was getting when he was growing in my uterus???
WhY DiD yOu HoArD aLL tHe MeLaNiN??
NTA. My sister got comments and looks for her first two kids because they're olive/brown, and she's pale as hell and her husband is Asian.
It's actually because the kids take after my mom's side of the family, while my sister looks like my dad's side (lots of Spanish blood on that side apperantly).
If you look at my oldest niece, she's a mini me of my youngest sister, who's carbon copy of my mom. Her third kid finally did look like her, super pale and got my dad's blue eyes. Genetics are weird!
I used to get that same question when I was out with my FOUR sons. I'm Caucasian; they're half Pacific Islander and don't look like me. People would even ask if they were adopted. How miniscule do your world experience and imagination have to be to make these kinds of asinine assumptions?
Btw, NTA, and thanks for the entertaining story!
And if they were adopted, it is so rude to ask! Like that is none of your damn business. Adopted or born, either way they are yours now
>How miniscule do your world experience and imagination have to be to make these kinds of asinine assumptions?
And worse, to think it's okay to publicly ask, as if you have some RIGHT to know...
OP, my son is biracial and looks exactly like my husband. Next time I am questioned about it, I am using your response.
Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers. NTA + hilarious.
Good for you! I'm a transracial adoptee and have experienced different flavors of this my whole life.
I have a friend who is black, and her husband is white and they had blonde pale babies, and everyone assumed she was their nanny. They look exactly like her, their hair type and features are identical to her just obviously not the same color, and it was very frustrating for her for a long time
My mother is half asian (& looks asian), my brother as an infant/toddler was a pale blond curly haired tyke with bright blue eyes. My mom was also assumed to be the Au Pair.
One time a (wealthy?) couple implyed/suggest ed that'd they'd buy & adopt him when they found out my mom was the mother (not wealthy) & not the the Au Pair!
(It's been a while I can't remember the details of the story, if they implied or straight out asked...)
Your way is brilliant!
I got asked at 15 if my sister's kid was mine because I was holding her so my sister could shop people are just ignorant and like to make themselves look stupid then blame it on you. you had the perfect response
Uh, same... It would be hard to count how many times people assumed my cousin was my child when I was on a walk with her when she was little and I was in my last two years of elementary school and in high school (since I have been 13). We have a 13 year age gap between us.
Yeah, you would be surprised. It happens all the time.
You and my dad would have gotten along so well with how you responded. I'm adopted and sometimes my parents forget that we're Asian and they are - well, white.
My wife also has commented that our daughter is a carbon copy of me and doesn't look ANYTHING like her. She has gotten some really, really weird looks from people. One person thought my daughter was a DOLL when she was a baby and pinched her.
There's a whole scene about this in "The Mindy Project" where Mindy Kaling's character, Dr. Mindy Lahiri, is at her child's private kindergarten school. Unsurprisingly, some woman walks up and asks "Are you the nanny?" Mindy looks at the woman in outrage, exclaiming "ExCUSE me? Am I the nanny? I'm his mom AND a doctor."
It's hilarious and also my new personal nightmare as a brown woman in a biracial relationship. Like... fuck all the other people who think it's okay to comment on race like your existence is justification for them to clarify their ignorance. Rude woman can go get educated on her own time. NTA.
No one ever thinks of adoption?
I think because I look younger than I am that most people’s go to is just that I’m babysitting or something. I’m sure we’ll get the adoption questions when I’m in my 30’s though lol
Or when he's a more avid speaker, calling out "Mom!", "Mooooooommmmiiieeee!" 😁
My wife is Asian. I'm white British our son is is a pale ginger specimen. Everyone thought his mum was his nanny.
That sounds so annoying. Your kid sounds like a cutie pie.
The sheer caucasity. Your reaction was EPIC! Totally NTA!
Can confirm. I’ve been outright asked if I’m the babysitter. When We’re out as a family and my son runs up to me and proclaims “mommy” I def see the double takes.
My mom was asked if she was my nanny when I was young. Specifically, someone said, "You really love Willowed-Wisp, don't you?" and asked how much she was being paid, because they could probably beat it. In her case, I think it was age (she was an older mom) and the fact that she actually picked me up herself from my super expensive private school. It's obnoxious to be asked in any case, but the race angle makes it extra gross.
NTA, OP. She should be embarrassed. She asked an embarrassing question.
I’m adopted and don’t look like my white parents, I’m brown. I get asked a lot when I’m around them if I work for them. Or sometimes just *told,* “Oh, you must work for them.”
That is so incredibly racist, Im sorry
Thanks. It does suck tbh.
You should play along and start talking about how hard you have to work and sound more and more ridiculous. 20 hour days, sleeping on the floor in the kitchen....
NTA. Honestly, aside from your son favoring his father's looks, did it not occur to her he could be a step child or adopted? People like that frustrate me.
NTA, that's actually quite funny! My daughter doesn't look like she's my kid at all, she's a carbon copy of her dad. I am biracial, my husband is white, and many people assumed I was a nanny. I wish I thought to do something like this!
The nanny comment is the one I hate the most lol. I’ve gotten the nanny, the babysitter, and the friend giving his real mom a break.
Uggg. I hated that too. I also got teen pregnancy crisis pamphlets when pregnant with my 1st. I am 40 now and my eldest is 16, so you can math that. I was also married at the time. Everyone assumed he was some dirty old man in his 30s but he was 11 months older than me.
That’s hilarious, people often say my husband picked’em young - he’s 4 years older than me
It is kinda funny. My ex husband was with me at the time and they shot him daggers. Like I was some sort if abused girl and he was some sort of villain.
It still happens too. One of the teachers at my kids highschool tried to write me up for detention for skipping class and trying to go to the school library when it was closed for a PTA function... that I was volunteering for... as a 40 year old woman...
My kids friends parents think I am one of the kids or even their friends and try to get my contact information and ask for my parents contact information... just to find out that is my 16 yo that I drove over, and I am actually trying to get their information as my kid is hanging out at their house....
My old house mate used to get people asking to speak to her parents, it was hilarious, she would do malicious compliance and start talking about the logistics of whether she should give out her parents info and what time it was in their State.
Lol - I forgot. I worked in an office and
I took off around Christmas. One of the
Vendors sent a salesman to my home with a small Xmas gift. He knocked on the door, I answered in a paint stained sweatshirt, my hair wasn’t combed and he asked if my mother was there. I lied and said nope she’s not home. No way was I admitting I was the secretary.
Lots of women must be jealous.
The detention thing is hilarious, you should have played along...
I once got a very irate lecture from a random lady in Walmart about how I was ruining my life as a teen mom, and how I wasn't even old enough to drive much less be a good mom (for those of you playing the math game, you get to drive before you get to consent to sex in the very vast majority of the US, where I live. So you can math what it means for a teen mom to not drive and have made it through a 40 week pregnancy), how I was a drain on society, how her taxes shouldn't pay for my poor choices, whole nine yards.
I was 24, had a job and paid all my own bills, was living independently, and, best of all, didn't even have a baby with me! I was buying a new toy for my nephew, whose parents were very married before he came into existence. Apparently that meant I was a 15 year old kid 🤷🏻♀️
Dear god. Even if every word she had been saying were true, the absolute gall, saying it to a total stranger with enough problems in her life.
Right? Like let's say she was correct, and I was 15 and a teen mom... That means she's yelling at a CSA and r*pe survivor. Like that's the only way she's "correct". Which is an entirely f'ed up position for her to take.
Buy one of [these shirts](https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwjbkJzN8dT7AhUwam8EHe6VBp8YABADGgJqZg&ae=2&sig=AOD64_01vg7tVygSGMx3P8Zoyig7mGpKdg&adurl&ctype=5&ved=2ahUKEwjny4_N8dT7AhXoqY4IHRKZD1gQwg96BAgBEDc&dct=1) but customize it to say “Yes, I am his mother. Yes, really. I know he looks nothing like me. His father is asian. Thanks for this awkward conversation.” Lmao
When I told his dad about what happened, he said he was going to get me little business cards that said this so I can just hand them out to people 😂
And to emphasize the “Asian” feel, bow silently and offer them the card.
I have an older brother who looks just like my dad while I don't... So many people assumed one of us was adopted or an affair baby. We laugh about it and simply say Im undercooked.
I got lectured for having kids so young… I was the nanny 😐. People need to butt out.
Me too. I was the sister (17 years older). Our father was assumed to be the grandfather.
One time I was holding her at a mall and some stranger old dude started lecturing me, eventually my father sees it and intervened. He says "the baby is mine", from which the guy assumes he was the father and I was the mother. So he apologizes (to dad, of course, not me) and walks off...
Because an 18 year old (who looked more like 15) with a baby is a scandal, but as long as she's married to a 48yo it's all peachy.
Seriously NTA, that woman straight up intrusively insulted you, and you handled it with grace and humour.
If she was a decent person she would have apologised after the nanny faux pas.
She got off lightly. She's lucky you didn't loudly tell her she was a racist, or shout "how dare you accuse me of stealing this baby!" or similar.
Why are people so nosey. Mind your fucking business. Say "cute kid" and move the fuck on.
I got this awkwardness from the other end with people assuming I was the parent when I was in fact the nanny. “How did you decide on that name?” “It’s what her parents told me to call her.”
Ok, this is also made me laugh!
shit this whole thread is funny but this got me 🤣
I have had many a giggle reading and relating to the comments… my hubs and I are Hispanic with the dark hair, olive skin, darker eyes. Three out of our four children look like us. Our second child (f) is blonde and green eyed. When she was really little, I was asked the nanny question. My response was that I’d been watching her since she was born, job paid crap but sleeping with her father was worth the low wages. As she got older, when anyone would comment on how her and her siblings looked nothing alike, she’d reply (and still does) “printer ran out of ink”. lol
It’s amazingly stupid of people. Also, some kids are adopted - but in general, asking about a child’s parents is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
My BIL is white and his wife (SIL is black); their children look just like her. BIL isn’t asked if he’s babysitting, he’s asked what country he adopted from. I once watched their son and was also asked how I managed to adopt so young (I was 19). Honestly the audacity of people is astounding.
You handled this brilliantly!
I’ll bet that woman thinks twice before asking intrusive personal questions again!
When my nephew was born, he had some issues with his spine that resulted in him wearing a brace from the top of his head to his hips for a couple of years. Lots of people would ask why.
When my SIL was just not in the mood to deal with noisy people, she’d look them in the eye and say, deadpan, “Well, we don’t let his dad change his diapers anymore.” And then she’d walk off.
Not every question asked has to be answered.
>When my SIL was just not in the mood to deal with noisy people, she’d look them in the eye and say, deadpan, “Well, we don’t let his dad change his diapers anymore.” And then she’d walk off.
SIL sounds a keeper!
>When my SIL was just not in the mood to deal with noisy people, she’d look them in the eye and say, deadpan, “Well, we don’t let his dad change his diapers anymore.”
I need more of this kind of stories.
My only analogue for this is people asking about old scars. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." "I used to work in tiger conservation, and those bastards are not at all grateful. So now I wish they'd go extinct." Or "oh SHIT where did THAT come from?!?!?!?!"
You don't need to know; you're just being nosy.
I had a major illness followed by some big surgery. Its all good and I'm all recovered but I have some scars.
Not long after my biggest surgery I was on holiday and on a beach. A woman old enough to be my mother (ie damn well grown up enough to have learnt some manners and decorum in public) stared at me for hours. Finally she asked me what happened to me.
I put on my most sombre face and told her "if someone has a knife collection on their dating profile run away because it doesn't end well".
I then just walked away and letting her mouth gaping.
I've also been asked by children. And tbh I prefer a direct question from a child. I open with shark attack and once they're suitably impressed I follow with I was poorly and had to have operations but everything is good now.
Too many people ask questions thinking they know the answer and to confirm how right they are. A question is to find out an unknown. Don't ask unless you're ready to deal with whatever the answer may be. Ask me about my scars and you may get an honest but harrowing answer - I was very ill, it was very unpleasant and I have big scars because I had big operations. Personally that was then and I have moved beyond it. But I could milk it. And sometimes I feel irked by people who are far too invested in a random strangers life and want to make them feel bad for being so intrusive and rude. Mostly I quash those feelings and ignore them. But just occasionally I don't...
NTA. And Rue’s giggle was the cherry on top.
He laughs every time I try to give him a “stern” look. Can’t wait to see how that develops as he gets older lol
He sounds completely adorable.
he’s the cutest! He got his dad’s looks but he definitely got my sense of humor
Aw he sounds so sweet, I’m so happy for you and your family
You could tell them that all the babies in your family look like that until about 5.
All the kids in my family have brown eyes until 5 and then they change to green or blue. Just the way DNA works for us.
Damn, how does that even work on official documents? Like "hey I know his passport says he has brown eyes but they're blue now"
I had blue eyes until about 2 and then they turned brown, and now they’re hazel (mom has brown, dad has blue). Genetics are weird!!
Rue sounds like an adorable sweetheart.
I think you handled it like a champ! I'm laughing imagining you in the produce aisle, inspecting the con artist in your arms...lol
He had me fooled for an entire year, clearly he’s very good at his job lol
What a criminal energy...lol
She got hit by... a smooth criminal!
Are you sure he's not just two newborns in a jumper suit?
>Then \[the woman who'd just informed me of my own son's ethnicity like it was something that wasn't immediately obvious\] said that I could have just answered the question she was obviously asking instead of making a public scene.
I mean, you could have, but since she made it clear that her preferred method of communication was to do anything BUT ask what she meant, it makes sense that you responded in kind, by being equally ridiculous.
She set the tone, my friend. You just followed her lead. You had ALREADY TOLD HER THAT YOU WERE RUE'S MOTHER, and she still looked at you, opened her mouth, and let absolute nonsense come out. It only stands to reason that you'd respond in kind.
I'm old enough to be your mom, and I have to tell you, as an auntie of five kids, literally NONE of whom look like their mother (and most of them look very little like each other . . . my sister just looks at the lovely little rainbow of humans that all came out of her body and shakes her head and laughs), I think you were absolutely hilarious, but more importantly, I think you reminded her of something crucial:
We don't comment on other people's bodies, on their ethnicities, on their perceived parentage . . . it's rude, it's inappropriate, and it could really hurt someone. What if the reason you and your child looked different was because of something traumatic (e.g. adoption because he'd God forbid lost his parents). Thank goodness that isn't the case, but she doesn't know that. As a disabled person and an advocate, I teach people that OUR CURIOSITY DOES NOT ENTITLE US TO PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT STRANGERS. That woman started off friendly, but she overstepped, and she deserved to be embarrassed for it. Good for you for reminding her that making comments about people is not harmless, it has repercussions.
You are NTA, but more than that, you're smart and funny and you think on your feet. I think you're wonderful!
Your comment reminded me of something I saw from a face painter on TikTok (not sure how I ended up on facepaint TikTok, but I enjoyed my brief time there). They made a point of asking the kids they worked on "is that your adult?" or "only if your adult says it's okay" instead of "your mom"/"your parents"/etc. because it's a way to sidestep any need for the child or adults involved to explain their relationship if they don't want to. Seems to me like that's the decent way to do it, since like you said it's always possible there's trauma that could be stirred up by false assumptions and nosy questions.
>"is that your adult?"
I love this!! Going to try to remember it when kids ask to pet my dog!
Yeah I used to work at a tourist attraction and the occasional lost or feral kid always got "do you have a grown-up? Where's your grown-up?"
Hahahahahahah No NTA. 100% nta, people need to learn to stop saying or asking stupid shit AND not expect someone to be sassy right back. Good for you.
NTA. She fucked around and found out.
Yep. Love it.
I did the same thing in high school. My sister came out as gay, and one of my friends came over and stage-whispered to me that she found out my sister was gay.
First of all, pretty much everyone already suspected as much.
Second, what was her fucking end game? Best case, I already knew, worst case, she outs my sister to me? What?
Third, “friend” is honestly a really loose term. More accurately “long time acquaintance.”
Fourth, the dramatic, grave way she whispered it as if she’d actually just let me know that, in fact, my sister had been brutally murdered… well. It bugged the shit out of me.
So I responded with my most dramatic performance to date as well, almost exactly like OP. I screamed **WHAT?!** so loud basically the entire hallway turned to look at us.
She sort of stammered like she didn’t expect it (honest to Jesus, what reaction *was* she expecting?) and I just laughed and quietly told her she had no business spreading it around, and if my sister wanted it known she could damn well tell people herself. And if I didn’t know already, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to find out like I was in a damn soap opera.
You’re an awesome sibling and your sister is so lucky to have one like you!
NTA. Always shame racists in any way you see fit.
> I could have just answered the question she was obviously asking instead of making a public scene.
The **ONLY** reason she approached you in the first place was because a child didn't appear to match the race of the adult with him, **SO _SHE_ COULD CAUSE A SCENE**.
Well she certainly got a scene but she definitely did not ask a question
He’s Asian?! Does he know??
I’m gonna hold him up to a mirror after he wakes up from his nap so that I can inform him of his racial identity lol
When my daughter was around 3 one day while we were reading the Little House books and she looked up and said. "All the people in that family are the same color!" with a "how quaint!" air about it. We informed her that it's okay if it happens that way...
My son and I are both paralysed from the waist down. One day he says to me "mum is funny ...she showers standing up!
I explained that most walkie-talkies did indeed do this.
I miss walk-in showers so much... now it's sitting room only.
but no really, walkie-talkies is a good one. Gonna have to share that one with my friends who're also wheelchair-bound but for different reasons.
NTA. I think it is hilarious. If the woman was offended, maybe she will shut her mouth next time.
NTA - I think it's hilarious.
This woman was rude and kind of racist. It doesn't take a genius to come to the conclusion that if a child doesn't look like the present parent, then they most likely take after the non-present parent. Or they might not be a biological son or daughter.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes!
NTA and this is hilarious. She got the embarrassment that she deserved.
the audacity of people never ends. As a parent of biracial kids, you would not believe the stupid comment people make. And yes, it is SUPER offensive to be assumed to be your own children's nanny. You did well, I'd say. Dealing with really offensive stuff with humor is the best possible way. YES she was embarrassed, but she deserved to be. You didnt go clean off on her, which she probably deserved. Maybe she won't make the same assumptions next time.
My SIL used to joke about it with her oldest all the time. She's mixed, looks Hispanic, and is 5' nothing. Her oldest is white and has been over 6ft since he was 14. She'd joke all the time that people thought she was his nanny because he looks nothing like her.
NTA! I am biracial Asian/Caucasian, with Asian features it's such a hit and miss when you mix. My mom (who was the Asian one) was constantly called my nanny growing up. She was never comfortable correcting people and just pretended they were right. I wish she had done what you did and put people in their place instead of just letting them make assumptions.
Same with my (asian looking) mom, although she did correct people...one time someone asked to buy my toddler brother off her when they found out she was the mom though...
Edit for more details due to the amounts of what-the-fuckery comments XD :
So when she was assumed to be the au-pair, the assumption was the parents must be white/germans. Upon finding out my asian,very young looking, poor, mom was the mother, they seriously offered to adopt her blond, blue eyed boy as they were wealthy & childless & give him a great life, & also willing to give her money to improve her life...
So not quite straight out, oh your the parent, how much for the kid? But still wtf.
I'm sorry WHAT
NTA that person was rude. also the fact that she assumed you were the "help". they are obviously racist.
NTA and I would have killed to witness this! I can never think of good comebacks until hours later. You are the queen.
I got this with my half Asian daughter (up until her curly hair came in), except it was "Where did you get her from?" "...my uterus?"
Not saying adopted kids aren't your own, but it took a lot of work making her! Give me some credit!
Right! I put 40wks + 4 days into making this kid! I want my work to be appreciated one way or another haha
NTA and I LOVE how you reacted. The woman was being invasive and nosy. It's none of her business about anything. With adoption and fostering and found families existing, we should normalize just saying "of course hes your son."
You are NTA. This is brilliant.
NTA - I honestly would have lost it at her assumption that you were your child’s nanny. A1 response
People ask me if I’m his nanny like all the time, so it doesn’t make me as upset as it used to. Now it’s mostly just irritating.
I totally understand that, it’s all in what you’re used to and the tone. I’m in the southern united states so those types questions are almost always absolutely smothered in racism.
Either way I LOVE your approach and I think it kept your son happy and engaged as well so bonus right? Keep going crazy jn the produce section 😂😂
NTA. Lady was being nosy and rude prying into your personal business.
NTA She asked a rude question and got a sarcastic response. Maybe she’ll learn to keep her mouth shut next time
NTA. I absolutely love your response. What if the child was adopted. Obviously you know he's Asian. Seriously, what is wrong with people?
>She sort of frowned, looked between my baby and then me before saying “but he’s…Asian.” She said the word “Asian” in a really weird tone? Like she didn’t like saying it?
>Then she said that I could have just answered the question she was obviously asking instead of making a public scene.
NTA I literally cackled reading this. Also she didn't ask you a question. I wish you'd taken your wholesome innocent query line a little farther and said "but you didn't ask a question. What did you mean to ask?" (But I'm feeling like a shit-stirrer at the moment). Some people really choose to go out in public, embarrass themselves and then blame other people for witnessing it.
NTA - her statement she made about your son was a bit rude, so why wouldn’t you respond in kind!
NTA. Racist busybodies should always be put in their place like that.
NTA. If I'd been in your shoes my response would have probably been much more crass; perhaps something along the lines of "oh yeah, must be because of all that asian dick I get back at home."
NTA. That's hilarious and the fact your son giggled along makes it even funnier.
Thanks for the laugh
She was rude. Once you said you were his mother, she could have just said oh i'm sorry and kept it moving. She was all in your business. This was hilarious
NTA .. exactly what I would have done... Beat it lady.
NTA - This is the funniest post ever. She FAFO, don't be a nosy busy body just let people live.
NTA. People need to stop commenting or asking ridiculous questions based on their own ignorance.
I would’ve done the exact same thing. People have no tact anymore. They’re nosy. They’re oblivious. It’s none of her business. NTA
My sister lives in Texas and gets this every day. We are from Latin America but all our family is from Europe so we look Mediterranean, we are first generation. She is married to a very white blonde guy and their son (4yo) is an exact copy of my sister but with the colors of her husband. All the moms in the school don't talk to her because they think she is the nanny, and even her neighbor won't talk to her until a couple of days ago when she approach my sister to ask how long she was the nanny of my nephew because he speaks Spanish so well and wanted to hire her...
NTA and damned hilarious
NTA and I love your actions… which may or may not be a good thing. Sorry
NTA - could you have answered more politely, sure - but her question was not polite...the question she was "obviously asking" was racist, and none of her business.
NTA. She should have not been harassing a stranger in the store about a child's heritage. My mom's cousin had that sort of thing happen all the time. She's white, her husband is Asian, their daughters look Asian. She had people accuse her of stealing babies from China once in the mall, back in the 90s. She yelled at them that her husband was Asian. People need to just mind their own damn business.
NTA--if she didn't want the question answered, she shouldn't have asked it! You handled this so well--you didn't call her names or create a negative scene, you just played it as a fake shock, made your son laugh, and got to see her stomping away knowing she made a fool of herself.
Same energy as when someone tells you "that tattoo is permanent, you know" OH MY GOD I DIDN'T KNOW?!!??!
Anyways, NTA, and you sound like a pretty cool mom.
You're a legend. And from the way your son reacted, you sound like a great, really fun mom. NTA.
I knew a woman whose parents were from Sri Lanka, whose husband was white with blue eyes and blonde hair. They had the cutest little boy. He had her skin and his eyes and hair. He looked like a perpetually tanned surfer dude, from the time he was a baby. I wouldn't have been at all surprised if his first word was, "Dude!" Genetics are fun.