#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). You all are killing the queue. We are asking nicely that you stop calling OP man baby, man child, or any variation of insult. Any violations after this point will result in a ban. Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.


Maybe you’re still on drugs and aren’t aware of how much of an AH you sound….? It’s not as though she’s leaving you to go party, she has kids…including one of yours.


Lol, this is the best theory tbh. Too high on painkillers to realize how wrong he is.


A lot of people have a difficult time navigating complicated emotions and feel like they need to figure out Who Is Right and What Is The Correct, Singular Feeling To Have. It's not crazy for OP to feel awful right now. But he can feel that awful, AND recognize that his wife has 4 kids to manage alone at the moment, AND notice there's a hurricane happening, AND that's making a hard situation harder.Edit: but right now he's straight up bending reality with his expectations My guess is his logic and reasoning are a little offline rn between pain and painkillers, though I'm also wondering if he's had a hard time with loneliness like this in the past. His wife sounds like a champion. Edit edit: should have clarified -- OP you are not the asshole for *feeling* abandoned! You're going through it, this shit is hard, I'm sorry it sucks! But that feeling is translating to some thoughts and expectations that are making things harder.


Yeah, like I get feeling lonely and crappy and awful, but for me it's the expectation that his wife spends the night there that's the huge issue. Feeling bad is one thing, expecting her to stay because of it is another.


Oh don't get me wrong, buddy is completely TA here, and his stated expectations to his wife were bananas. I'm trying to give the dude some grace because we all kinda turn into vulnerable babies when we're in enough pain but yeah this is not an adult man's logic speaking right now


That's why I gave him the light Y-T-A. Pain meds won't make you think rationally.


I don't think we can entirely give him a pass due to pain meds. [*Side eye towards OP here.*]


This. OP was able to create a whiny “please pity me” reddit username and write a coherent post. He does not get a pass for pain meds.


This sub is wild to me sometimes. Yesterday some people were calling a 17yo girl an attention-seeking thot because she wore a spaghetti strap dress to a wedding in 95F weather. Today other people are cutting a 35yo man a break for telling his wife she "abandoned him" because she went home at night to be with their baby and three other children during a hurricane - just because he's on pain meds. 🙄 I was hit by a car as a teenager and spent a couple weeks dosed to the gills on Dilaudid. Unfortunately I remember most of that time vividly. Narcotics dosages for road accident injuries are a lot higher than for, say, having wisdom teeth removed. Yes everyone reacts differently, but I felt completely incoherent, and like I was looking at my own body from across the room. I could never have opened reddit, created a burner, and written a post this fluently. I couldn't even focus my eyes to read a book, I just stared at the ceiling for days on end. But I also wasn't wilding out on people, because these meds at these dosages aren't like getting drunk enough to uninhibitedly talk shit. Speaking like this to his wife, while also being this coherent in written form - he is fully aware of what he is doing, and he's just an asshole. Sorry you've gotten injured, OP; glad you'll be making it home to raise your kids; and hopeful that once you're feeling better you'll apologize to your wife for being a dick.




Even if she didn't have a whole passel of children, and even if there wasn't a hurricane coming, expecting her to spend the nights is unreasonable. I just...what, does he want her to just sit there and entertain him? Stare at him adoringly? She's visiting as much as she reasonably can. YTA. Get better and do better.


> Stare at him adoringly? Pretty much exactly what he wants going by the post, with a mix in of worry for seasoning.


Most hospitals don't even allow overnight guests for adults. They made the exception for him the first night (and they do this if you're really sick or banged up, sometimes a couple nights if you're at death's doorstep) but I would guess if wife tried to do that again the second night she'd be asked to leave around 7-8pm, in my experience.


Can we also acknowledge that he got into a motorcycle accident. Don't get it twisted, I feel for everyone who goes through this. I've lost close family and had close friends lose fathers to riding but that is 100% a choice of "I like doing this." And it has always been a choice and risk that said biker has made. This woman is trying to keep a family together and prepare for a freaking hurricane. That is more than enough to make any sane person lose it. He's mad he's not getting enough attention at the hospital in the face of a hurricane and a family to keep afloat while dealing with the consequences of a something he chose to do, ultimately. YTA, dude. 100%


Not to mention, the kids are likely concerned about both Dad in the hospital AND the hurricane, so Mom has to help them manage their emotions as well as her own concerns.


Yep. On a motorcycle with a 1 year old. I’m curious what OP’s wife thought of his hobby.


When you ride it’s not a matter of if, it is a matter of when the accident will happen. As a nurse I’ve taken care of these patients. Some people take it is stride and other people, well they are like OP. Like yeah that sucks, but you chose to get on that bike. OP knew the risk. There is a lot of entitlement here. Just flabbergasts me honestly. Edit: thanks for the award!! All nurses and healthcare workers are amazing. Everyday we see the worst of the worst. So please be kind, it is free.


I’ve had 3 good friends who rode bikes. One lost a knee-cap, one injured his back badly enough to be in hospital for over a month, one died. They are not happy stats.


Nah, that’s giving him way too much credit.


Honestly. While accidents happen and I'm no way blaming him for being in an accident since we don't have any information on who was at fault, it is a well known fact that motorcycles are dangerous vehicles. I understand wanting sympathy from a partner with injuries and that it is tough. But when you get on a motorcycle you accept that you are not necessarily putting yourself in the safest situation. They are nicknamed donor-cycles for a reason. So he not only put himself in a position that was more dangerous, but now he wants his wife to put her and the kids lives on hold to baby him for the consequences of his choices.


I want to believe /s


I kinda actually did this while coming out of anesthesia... I came to like an hour and a half before they expected me to, so there was no one there to greet me. It was only a very minor surgery, I know that my Dad was hungry and thought he had time to grab a bite. I was drugged up tho, and I teared up a bit and asked the nurse where dad was. I was a good patient and the nurses loved me, so they had the *whole hospital* keeping an eye out for him. When he got back, he told me he'd been stopped by 3 members of hospital staff (a janitor, a pharmacist, and someone in scrubs) who had been given his description and told him his daughter wanted him. He felt *so bad*, but he shouldn't've. My ego was asleep so the id ruled, lol.


God when I came out of anaesthetic the first time I insisted on calling my dad and I was so fucking stroppy when the nurses wouldn’t let me. I was unreasonably peeved. Second time my mum was on pickup duty (another minor surgery) and when the nurses wouldn’t let me see her I almost threw a whole tantrum. One angel of a nurse convinced me that if my mum came in right then I’d need to share my chocolate mousse so I agreed to wait until I’d finished eating it to summon her. Genius.


You guys… when I came to and realized I was alone tried to escape the hospital bed by sticking my head through the side rails only to unlatch it and slam it down on my neck. This is the way the nurse found me.


that nurse had a bunch of extra paperwork to fill out lol. I’m kinda impressed that your head fit through that though.


This!! Your wife left to prepare for a hurricane! To take care of her children. 100% YTA


The absurdity of him being pissed about her preparing for the hurricane made me laugh out loud!


What do you mean the 1 year old can prepare he needs her now. Dude YTA grow up she has responsibilities. You are not always number 1.


He should have stayed home and started hurricane preparation. Instead, he went out and wrecked his motorcycle. 🙄


Yep, I’m not sure if I’d be as accommodating as his wife has been. Once the fear subsided, I’d be *pissed*. He didn’t even mention her making any passive aggressive jabs at him. I don’t think I would have that restraint. She’s been an extremely devoted wife.


Guy leaves his family at home to go ride his donor-cycle, no problem, wife goes home to look after kids and prep for hurricane: "Hey guys, I think she's being a bitch, amirite???" No OP, you're not, YTA.


Maybe undiagnosed brain damage from the accident too?


He's a 35 year old with the maturity of a toddler and 0 empathy or concern for the well-benig of others, including his own children. That's not brain damage, he's just completely amoral


As someone who diagnoses & treats traumatic brain damage, the maturity of a toddler and 0 empathy are PEAK signs of traumatic brain damage. Very common, and the lack of empathy is hard to treat.


>the maturity of a toddler and 0 empathy are PEAK signs of traumatic brain damage. I have a question if you don't mind. Does the zero empathy ever go away or get better with time? I know someone who had a TBI, and she went from a pretty normal person to acting kind of manic, with no empathy, or even the ability to see something from someone else's perspective.


Not who you asked but I've got some experience with Neuro. As to your question: it can get better but it could also be permanent. It's very much a wait and see scenario. If it was me interacting with that person in your life I'd assume the change was permanent until i actually see signs of improvement.


My mom developed a frontal lobe brain lesion due to MS, and she because very self-centred, childish, and lacked empathy. It kind of got better and worse over time, but she was never "normal". It was hard because I was a kid when it started, and she just changed drastically almost overnight, and our roles as child and parent were reversed, and never really went back.


My first thought was head injury. Even just recovering from shunt surgery (I have Hydrocephalus) used to leave me altered.


He rides motorcycles for fun, don’t think he was that smart to begin with. There’s a reason doctors call them donor cycles.


One of out ER docs asked me one what the difference between a helmeted bike rider vs non was...open vs closed casket 😬


No, he had a severe case of cranium insertusrectum well before the collision.


He even states that she had to prepare for the hurricane. Hurricane fucking Ian. Jesus christ


I really hope this is the case. Woman is staying till 4am. Goes home to take care of her kids, including a 5yr old and 1yr old. Presumably the older two are in school? And then gets upset because she went home to prep the house, for a HURRICANE!! The one that’s been on the news as the “oh shit button down the hatches and stay off the roads” hurricane. Please please just be on some good pain killers. Feelings are always valid but there’s a reason why she’s not their 24/7: the family and home you created with her.


Yes! And really -even if she didn’t have kids at home, why the fuck would she have to sleep at the hospital. She’s with him all day. What’s she gonna do hold his hand while he’s sleeping?


She's also been there *every day* except for the day when the weather prevented her from coming and because the children need her!


And is preparing for a hurricane! He didn't " basically go through everything alone" - she was there *until 4 am the first night*, *came back that same morning*, and goes home each night *because she has 4 kids at home*. And then she had to **prepare the house for the hurricane**. He needs to stop acting like her 5th child.


Take everything else out of the picture. Take out the hurricane and the children. OPs wife has still spent a significant time at the hospital and was there for major stretches during the early days. What is the expectation now that she fluffs his pillow and reads to him all day? Even assuming she isn’t working it’s baffling to think she should be waiting on him and foot. The fact that this was a motorcycle accident OP should be begging for forgiveness that he didn’t just widow her with three kids and a one year old. Major YTA OP should spend his solo time in the hospital thinking of ways to make it up to his wife for the additional mountains of burden he is foisting upon her instead of whining that she isn’t doing enough for him. If I was married to him I would wheel his ass out to the parking lot and leave him there.


Meds can definitely do weird things to your thought process. I hope this is what is happening.


YTA for not understanding that a 17 year old shouldn't be responsible for 3 kids age 10 and under DURING A HURRICANE. The situation isn't ideal, but it's obvious to me she's there as much as she can. Marriage means through thick and thin BUT SO DOES PARENTHOOD. The fact that you're not more understanding of her trying to balance all her responsibilities DURING A HURRICANE is bizarre.


As someone who is almost 40 and from a place that gets hurricanes, I would NEVER leave them alone during one. So many things can happen during/after a hurricane, from trees falling to fires to flooding to roofs just leaving houses….it would be dangerous and neglectful to leave them without an adult during a hurricane that wasn’t the full blown catastrophe that is Ian.


Not to mention 17 year olds aren't full blown adults yet. Even if nothing happened, there are grown ass adults that were scared during Ian, I can't imagine how a 17 year old would feel as the most responsible person in the house during one. With a ONE YEAR OLD? During a HURRICANE? I'm really hoping this isn't real, but who the hell knows.


When I was in grad school we had a tropical storm hit. My roommates were either helping parents or home from the summer, and I had work the next day and it was supposed to be fine. It ramped up to a cat 1, still not too big of a deal, but I lived in a building that had this tiny alley a person could barely fit through between the next building. When I tell you 75 mph winds ripping through that alley were SO LOUD I was suddenly very aware I wouldn’t be able to hear the difference between that and a tornado coming - I’ve never been so scared. Me and my schnauzer slept in the tub. People LOVE to downplay tropical storms and hurricanes as “bad weather”. But they can be absolutely terrifying for grown adults. No 17 year old should be the responsible party during one.


I was 19 and living in Orlando when Irma hit. Thankfully Orlando wasn’t hit hard, but it was the most scared I’ve ever been in my entire life. I’m from the Midwest and had never experienced a storm like that. I stayed up the entire night and had my dad on the phone with me the whole time. I can’t IMAGINE a 17 year old being forced to deal with that, especially with two young children and a BABY. Major AH, OP.


Bro she has to take care of 4 kids by herself, and is trying to visit you. Clearly she’s trying her best and she’s got a lot on her plate. Yta


I really doubt he ever does anything for the kids, so as far as he’s concerned they don’t take any time at all. OP is definitely YTA.


He didn't have any care for his family and infant child when he decided to take his donorcycle out for a spin. I wonder how much protective gear he opted to wear? He really thinks that his partner ought to prioritize *keeping him company* (not even doing any actual care, he's admitted in the fucking hospital) over making sure her numerous children (one of them his own infant child) are taken care of in the fucking hurricane? I *HOPE* he's fucking high, because otherwise that's a *real* nice personality coming through there, ugh


I was thinking the same. I don’t want enthusiastic bikers to come for me, but I think it’s quite an irresponsible hobby to have when you have a young family - also pretty selfish when really a father to four kids needs to be driving a huge family sized vehicle.


One of my aunts was a complete pushover except for one time, after her husband crashed his motorcycle, she said she'd divorce him if he didn't sell it. She'd didn't like him riding when he first bought the bike but once they had two little kids, she didn't play around.


Not only is there the danger element which I think is way too much, it’s also a very expensive hobby and one which can’t involve the family so leaves wife at home with the kids whilst they galavant around like a bachelor. I know everyone deserves to pursue their passions but not at the expense or detriment to their kids. Dude needs to take up fishing or something.


Motorcyclists are something like 50 times more likely to die in an accident than a car driver.


During. A. Hurricane. Ffs


This has to be fake. This has to be fake… I repeat to myself because Jesus H Christ on a unicycle, how could someone not realize their partner needs to go home and take care of their children as well. YTA


YTA- four kids and a hurricane?!! Plus you’ll be coming home at some point and then she’ll have to take care of your ass too!! You are being cared for nursing professionals and you are safe. Your wife isn’t a nurse! Please chill out and let her take care of business. You should probably increase your life insurance if you have a family and insist on riding a motorcycle .


A fucking category 4, assuming that he’s in FL. YTA OP. A giant one. A 17 year old is not equipped to go through that with 3 children her own. You have professionals. Your wife is doing the right thing. Hopefully step 2 of doing the right thing is leaving your irresponsible ass- were you at least wearing a helmet? I know it’s optional in FL.


And he wanted her to drive to come see him DURING A HURRICANE?! I guess her safety doesn't matter at all on top of everything else that's going on. Op, YTA.


If he cared about anyone but himself, he wouldn't own a motorcycle in the first place. They're called "donor cycles" for a reason.


Exactly what I was thinking. I can't stand people like OP.


Yep. My cousins partner rides them for races on tracks, he's very good at driving, he races cars too, but he was on his motorcycle going the correct speed down a straight road in dry weather, high visibility weathr, a car that he saw but they didn't see him pulled out on him and he didnt have space to swerve or he would hit the car at an angle so he just breaked hard and hit it head on. T boned it. Thankfully he was smart enough to go head on or he would of hit the door and died, as it is he flipped over the car and absolutely fucked up one of his arms. For a while it looked like he may never get his grip in that hand back and is still in recovery months later. #it doesn't matter how well YOU can drive on a motorcycle, you're on a road with hundreds of people and if one of them fucks up you're 30x more likely to die than them.


Yeah, now she’ll have a fifth child to take care of, because he had to “ play with his toy”.


This really makes OP the asshole. 1 year old baby, and off riding a motorcycle.


AND she said the oldest will need to help while she WORKS! 4 kids (a 1yo!), hurricane, working mom, household to manage, visiting when she can. and he expects more! How dare she go home at night to get some (hopefully) decent sleep in a real bed, instead of a hospital recliner. I’m overwhelmed for her. YTA, OP!


And it's like...is she even *allowed* to visit him now that OP's (presumably) out of immediate danger of dying? Like, where I live the big, frequent natural disaster is wildfires, and our local hospitals straight up *ban visitors* to all but the most critical of patients when we're under a fire watch, because they want as few unnecessary bodies in the hospital as possible in case they either get a big influx of patients or need to evacuate. EDIT: And that's also assuming that they're not just straight up under "stay at home" orders. Because, you know, *fucking HURRICANE*.


The last part of this comment 👏👏👏


YTA 1. motorcycles are inherently dangerous, you take this risk every time you ride. 2. You know there are 4 kids at home, who is supposed to take care of them all day? 3. By your post, sounds like you live in Florida or wherever the hurricane is hitting, someone needs to prepare. 4. She has been there everyday, you didn't go through anything "by yourself" except sleeping.


Motorcycles ... otherwise known as "donorcycles".


With a 1 year old at home, OP is riding a motorcycle and then complaining that his (very busy) wife and mother of his child won’t drop everything to come see him more than she already has. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was upset that he’s riding a motorcycle with a baby at home. Talking about what he had to go through alone like he is the victim and the whole world is just punishing him for no reason SMH


Their kid is 1 year old, which means OP's wife likely gave birth a year ago. She's a superhuman for spending this much time caring for OP in the hospital while also taking care of 4 kids (including said 1yo) and preparing for a hurricane, *having birthed a child only one year ago*. OP's lack of empathy for his wife, kid, and step-kids is astounding.


My favorite is the “through thick and thin” line because it’s clearly a one-way expectation that she is there for him but god forbid he pulls his weight and understands that his contribution to his family preparing for a HURRICANE is to deal with his apparent abandonment since he decided to ride a motorcycle at a time that his family arguably needed his presence and support the most His wife is a superhero and he’s acting like pregnancy and parenting are just not important as he is because she can’t abandon the kids to be with him in the hospital Do you know which one in the relationship is the spouse that’s shouldering an unfair burden and has been abandoned by their spouse? *hint: it’s not OP*


Our kid was 6 weeks old when my husband had a motorcycle accident. I was less than sympathetic. We visited him in the hospital but with a newborn, a stroller, a diaper bag, and parking in downtown Oxford, visits were short. I had to get home and prepare the house for a person recovering from an accident rather than enjoying my newborn and getting used to breastfeeding and a baby schedule.


Glad someone brought up that a guy with 4 kids is still using the deadliest mode of travel available and he’s surprised to find that his wife must take care of the family and prepare for the impending natural disaster while he recovers in a hospital with doctors on staff. I can’t help but question his priorities in life


"But only one of them is mine!" - OP, probably


Probably rides the motorcycle like an asshole too.


If you’re okay enough to whine on Reddit I think you’re okay enough to not have your wife at your side 24/7


I was just thinking the same thing! Call the wife if you’re lonely. Text her. She has to take care of SO much and is probably in panic mode figuring things out the best she can


Better yet, leave her the hell alone. She has enough to deal with thanks to his irresponsible actions, and the time she wasted at the hospital visiting his ungrateful ass.


YTA- SHE WAS TAKING CARE OF UR MOTHERFUCKING KIDS AND PREPARING FOR A GODDAMN HURRICANE Edit: shit, thank y’all for the awards- literally just said the first thing on my mind


Exactly this. Probably also comforting the kids who would be worried. Did he expect the 17 yr old to manage 3 kids, one of which is a baby? or the 10 and 5 yr old to prep the house while the daughter looked after the baby? What an entitled brat attitude, dont kids always come first? Ride stupid machines, you win stupid prizes. Did OP not know there are big risks when riding a motorcycle?


Yeah, YTA man. You’re in stable condition, she’s been there a lot earlier this week, she has a 5 yr old and you both have a 1 year old plus a hurricane that she has to worry about. I’m sorry about your accident, but she didn’t cause it and it sounds like she’s doing the best she can - you’re being an AH dude. You need to apologize to her.


For real. My brother died in the hospital this week. His wife was not there every day, there's no way she would have slept there. Newsflash: it wasn't for a lack of love, she was there as much as she could be. But she still had to *work*, and they had 2 children who still needed their mom. OP should allow himself to work through his feelings (the hospital is a lonely and traumatizing place!) but acknowledge how privileged he is to be able to type this and get to go home.


I'm so sorry for your loss.


Are you freaking serious? You drive one of the most irresponsible vehicles and get in a wreck and you’re all over your wife who is now responsible for alllllll of the things single-handedly? No. You owe her a major apology. YTA. I hope you feel better but whining about her taking care of the family when there’s nothing helpful at the hospital she can do is wrong.


Why do I worry OP’s wife was doing all the things single-handedly before, too …?


Because op is basing his opinion of how easy it should be for his wife to hang with him at the hospital all day off of his own experience running the household. “What could she possibly need to be at home for? I barely do anything, and yet the kids are fine, diapers are changed, meals appear, and the house stays clean. It’s easy!”


The magic coffee table clears itself & the spot on the floor by his bed where he dumps his clothes always disappears them away


YTA. Your wife is currently trying to visit you, take care of four children, and prep the house for a hurricane. And you’re upset that she’s not visiting you for long enough, while also caring for FOUR CHILDREN and preparing for a literal HURRICANE? Yeah, it’s not ideal for you but unless you’ve managed to perfect human cloning, she’s doing all she can.


especially when one of the children is 1 YEAR OLD.


Exactly! Three kids ten years old and under, and he somehow expects her to…leave them with another minor child so she can watch him sleep all day?


Like what does he want? Her to die driving in a hurricane so she can be with him? No! YTA


Right? It’s like she has to prove her love for him by neglecting their children and endangering her life, when he’s the one riding a motorcycle with young kids at home.


Riding a motorcycle comes with risks, and you took that risk. It was your choice, and it will be your choice if you continue to ride and put yourself in the hospital again. Stop making your wife feel guilty when she’s doing all she can. YTA, you’re lucky she visits you at all with your attitude.


This is what I was thinking. You are always courting disaster with riding a motorcycle. In a way this was your choice, and your wife is having to deal with it now. While watching children in a hurricane. YTA


Yeah, I don’t know how other people feel about it, but I feel like, once you have babies, it’s time to give up the motorcycle.


So she's juggling four kids, including a 1yo, a hurricane, and a husband in the hospital and you're upset that you're not her only focus. Dude, YTA and you need to understand that not only does she have to take care of the kids and prepare for the hurricane, she has to do it all *without any help from you.* In fact, you're making it worse.


Yuuuuuup. That’s what he’s NOT getting. She’s doing all that shit ALONE because he decided to drive a *motorcycle* during some *incredibly bad weather* that’s now turned into a *fucking hurricane*. Knock it off! Kids come first!


YTA. WTF, dude? You are in a hospital, where people are paid to take care of you. She was taking care of children (though apparently she doesn’t have 4, she has 5) in the face of a hurricane. Apologize. Grovel. I mean, it sucks that you had your accident, but that gives you zero right to behave like a child. You’ll be very, very lucky if you still have a wife when this is all done.


By your timeline on the day of the accident she stayed with you overnight Monday-until Tuesday 4AM. Tuesday morning she returned for the day but went home at night. Wednesday she came but left at 1. Those must be some serious painkillers you’re on, my friend, because that’s not remotely leaving you to go through everything “basically alone”. She has two young children at home and a hurricane to cope with. While you are in a hospital receiving care from a team. I know it’s better to have your comfort person with you, but it’s utterly unreasonable to expect her to be there 24 hours a day. YTA


Nurse here. This guy should've been in the hospital in the old days when visiting hours were 2-4 in the afternoon, and like 7-9 in the evening. What a baby.


My mom just got out of 6 days in the hospital. It is *exhausting* to try to meet the expectations of someone in the hospital for that long. She wants us to alternate spending the night so she’s never alone but we’ve held the line that it’s unreasonable. She sleeps alone at home! I also wish hospitals had more limited visiting hours.


Good for you on refusing to spend nights with her. There was absolutely no reason for that. And what would you have done anyway besides get a bad night's sleep? She had staff to see to her needs. When I was 4 years old I had to spend ten days in the hospital, and I still remember it very well. This was back in the 50s so visiting hours were very restricted and I only saw my parents in the evening. I remember I was lonely for my parents, but it doesn't bring up any emotions of trauma with it because it's only a memory. What I do remember most is having this wonderful nurse who took such good care of me. Her name was Polly and she is why I became a nurse.


YTA You really wanted her to leave her children home alone during a hurricane so she could sit with you? Seriously? Depending where you are located, people’s houses have been destroyed. Gone. Yeah, let’s risk losing her children because a grown man can’t be alone at the hospital.


Right? A hospital fully staffed with people who have spent years learning how to take care of somebody in his condition! But yeah, let's leave the teen in charge of 4 kids during a hurricane!




A man with that many kids driving a motorcycle and then when you get hurt being a baby about her being with you 24/7 when you have a house full of kids? YTA


YTA - super sorry you've been in hospital but I think your expectations are unrealistic. There's a literal hurricane she's preparing for and 4 kids to look after and you want her to sit next to you all day and night... To what? Talk? Stare at you? She is absolutely doing her best to look after all of you and tbh I would say your young child needs her more than you do. It's incredibly difficult what you are going through but you're expecting too much.


Holy hell YTA... She's Handling a 1 yr old and three older kids and preparing the house for a hurricane and visiting you in the hospital every day and gearing up to nurse your self pitying ass for the next three months? What the hell else do you think she could be doing for you?? Grow up dude. Call her with a full throated apology.




Christ on a cracker, and men have the nerve to say that women are dramatic. 🙄 You have an ENTIRE MEDICAL TEAM caring for you in a safe location. Parents are the team to care for kids. And she's half staffed. Also, even though she's out here running your whole world, it's worth mentioning she has zero control over acts of God. She can sit in the hospital and hold your hand while your shit gets wrecked at home, or she can leave her grown ass husband briefly to protect life and property. I mean this with my whole heart....I'm sorry you were in an accident and are scared but GROW THE FUCK UP.


YTA. Dude, it's a fucking *hurricane.* A hurricane so bad, they've closed almost 2 dozen Waffle Houses. They NEVER close Waffle House unless shit has SERIOUSLY hit the fan. Blame the hurricane, not your wife trying to protect the lives of herself and her children.


YTA. I get being in the hospital sucks. But there are four kids at home that need her too. She cannot and is right not to dump all the childcare on the eldest child that is not fair. There is nothing she can do at the hospital besides sit with you. I'm amazed that you would prefer her at the hospital and your kids at home alone during a hurricane. Shows where your priorities lie. Edit words


YTA. Are you trying to compete with the kids for your wife's attention? Never mind *getting ready for a hurricane*. Good on your wife for not parentifying her 17 year old at least.


This has to be fake…if not YTA she cannot spend all her time with you. I get it the situation sucks. However she’s got other responsibilities. Like children and hurricane prep. You are safe and taken care of. The house and children also need her attention.


YTA. Dude, stop being dramatic. She's supporting you fantastically. She is devoting a huge part of her energy and day to visiting you. She stayed with you until 4AM when it happened AND she's still managing to "hold the fort" and be an active parent while you're out of action. She deserves a medal for her efforts.




She has a 1 year old at home and you are in stable condition. Unless your mom offered to stay with your child so that your wife could be in the hospital 24/7 you are completely the asshole for expecting her to be there.


YTA. Your wife is handling all the child care, trying to get your house secure for a hurricane and still made time to be there for you. This post makes you sound like a whiny brat. Put on your big boy pants and let your wife handle her shit.


YTA she is taking care of 4 kids trying to prepare for a hurricane and trying to get the house ready for when you come home. You have nurses taking care of you. And you really think it’s a great idea for her to travel during or right after a hurricane. Yes marriage is threw thick and thin but when you have kids it’s no longer about what you want or need. It’s about what’s best for them. Right now during an emergency they need their momma. Put on your big boy pants and suck it up. Plus call and apologize to her.


Apparently she has 5 children when you count OP. Poor woman.


YTA. Dude, I get it, it does actually suck that your wife can't stay with you right now. But she's also dealing with 4 kids and a hurricane. EVERYBODY has a little bit extra on their plate in a situation like that, and something's got to give. In this case, it's "you're not getting visited as much as you'd like." It's honestly the better case scenario than "your wife gets swept off the road by the wind and rain on the way to the hospital" or "the 17 year old couldn't prep the house well enough by herself and the windows all got smashed in." You've got help and people to care for you right now. She doesn't.


YTA. You are being cared for by competent medical personnel in a hospital. There's a limit to what your wife can do beyond supporting you when she can. Note the when she can part. An oncoming hurricane with 4 minor children at home means she needs to be at home. Expecting otherwise means you're an asshole of a husband but even more so an asshole of a father. Apologize and explain that you were too drugged up on painkillers. It's your only hope of an excuse for this behavior.


YTA. Your wife sounds like superwoman. She's doing the best she can, and that still isn't enough for you. Thick and thin means the entire family, not just you, and in the brunt of a natural disaster, her plate sounds real damn full. Pull it together, my guy. You're alive. She's just trying to make sure everyone else stays alive right now, too.


YTA YTA YTA Her being there for emotional support is great but you have an entire team of nurses, doctors, professionals caring for your physical needs. The children, including your own child, have no one. Throw in a hurricane. You are selfish and only considering your needs. That woman needs a week at the spa when this is done.


Info: how would you feel if your wife stayed with you the whole time and while she was there the hurricane destroyed your house and killed the kids? Because that is what you’re angry that didn’t happen. The fuck is wrong with you YTA


YTA - you're in a safe place with competent professional staff looking after you. Meanwhile, your wife is looking after 4 kids and getting a house ready for one of the worst hurricanes the US has seen in quite some time (something that I imagine you would normally be helping with). The kids are probably scared, the roads are possibly dangerous, and here you are having a pity party because you don't get to have a bit of company.


YTA I get you want company but dude you're not dying. She's there every day. She can't stay 24/7 when she's got a hurricane to prepare for and 4 kids to look after.


YTA She is a a responsible adult with obligations beside sitting with an injured child. Pull your big boy pants up and be a man.


YTA. If she is with you, who is preparing for the hurricane? Who is watching g you 1 year old? Who is watching her other children? Who is getting them groceries? Who is doing their laundry? Helping with schoolwork? How can you not understand the basics of having a small child to care for and a natural disaster to prepare for?


YTA and are acting like a child. Yeah you had an accident. But your wife has been there as much as possible while balancing the rest of EVERYTHING that has now been placed on HER! FFS!


>Yesterday she only stayed until about 1 pm to prepare the house for the hurricane and didn't come at all today because the weather wasn't great and she said she didn't want to leave the kids. In other words, she wanted to make sure your kids stayed alive. But instead of bwing understanding, >I told her I was upset YTA


YTA - you have the entire hospital staff to take care of you. She has nobody to help her with her 4 kids, including your 1yo infant, other than her own children. And she is also dealing with a hurricane? Wow. Don’t get me wrong. I would want my wife with me, too. But, more than that, I would want to know she was taking care of my kids and making sure they were safe during the hurricane. I would know I would be fine because I would have faith in the hospital and it’s caregivers. I would want my partner to take care of my family so that I could recover and rest easy knowing things were okay at home.


YTA. Do you think life just stops? Kids, meals, school, bills, work, etc. Plus a natural disaster?!?And you want her to babysit you. Get rid of the bike and grow up.


YTA, there was a whole hurricane, the children were probably afraid and needing comfort. Why are you competing with literal children, your children at that, for attention?


YTA, i’m sorry that you got hurt, but you are a grown man. Your wife is juggling four kids, an impending hurricane, and a spouse who is acting like an entitled six-year-old.


Hope you have a speedy recovery and feel better soon! That being said, definitely YTA. If you were truly an afterthought, your wife wouldn't be visiting daily, especially with hurricane prep to do on her own. It's not like she's out clubbing at night, she's keeping your household running and trying to maintain some normalcy for the family.


YTA. Entitled much?


YTA. I'm sorry you are in the hospital, but wtf??? You can't look outside of your situation to see what else is going on around you? All she is going to do in the hospital is sit there. Literally, she's not your doctor or your care team and she had been coming. Yall have 4 kids- one who is barely a toddler and you want her to abandon the kids during a hurricane to come sit and look at you. And she has been there to see you!!!!! Listen, as someone who has been in the hospital a number of times during my marriage(for weeks at a time due to emergency surgeries), I have NEVER played this guilt trip on my husband for being home taking care of our children and keeping the house running while also cutting out time to come see me. Would I have loved to be in the room with him, absolutely. But I knew he was being a responsible adult and looking after our family while the doctors looked after me. I made sure the doctors made sure I made it home. . . She is reassuring the children you aren't dead, you are getting well, all will be OK. She is also trying to make sure your home and family will be safe during this hurricane wrecking havoc in towns currently. And she is also beating herself up because she can't secure a sitter for her to be there more for you. She didn't need that comment or attitude from you. She's trying her best and you shouldn't be treating her like she isn't doing anything at all. That's not fair. And to expect her to drive in unsafe conditions to sit with you after an automobile (i dont know what else to call a motorcycle) accident put you there is not OK at all. To reprimand her for making a safe decision isn't cool. Cut her some slack and spend time getting well, NOT being mad at your wife for doing the best she can being stretched thin in a very stressful situation.


Yup- YTA. She left you in the care of doctors and nurses to recover. You wanted her to leave small children with a teenager for extended periods while a hurricane was bearing down. That’s beyond selfish.


YTA. I was hospitalized and begged my fiancé to be home with our son/pets. Yeah, being in the hospital sucks, but when you have other responsibilities it can easily be done alone


YTA. She has children to take care and a hurricane to prepare for (not to mention all the other daily tasks). You’re clearly fine in the hospital, you’re an adult, you don’t need hand holding 24/7.


YTA. Not for wishing your wife could have been there, I get that, it's comforting to have your partner nearby when you're sick or in pain. But YTA for acting like your need for comfort is more important than your kids being taken care of and being at the house during a hurricane. You don't think those kids need comfort during a scary storm? You think the 17yo is capable of handling anything a hurricane throws at them? No.


YTA for riding a motorcycle when you have all of those people depending on you. I don't know the circumstances of your accident of course but a 40mph crash in a car with a seatbelt is different from a 40mph one on a motorcycle.


YTA. You are stable in the hospital. She is being a mom to the kids and prepping for a hurricane. You dont think the 1 year old will carr if mom and dad are gone? Hell yes they will care. Your kids need a parent. Time to be an adult and realize your kids come first. They make phones forna reason. Call, text, facetime, etc. Use the time in the hospital to RECOVER some so maybe she isnt also taking care of you when you get home.


YTA. She didn’t abandon you geez. She’s caring for your kids during a hurricane. You are safe in a hospital with nurses and doctors. You are not alone. She’s dealing with a lot by herself. Cut her some slack that she can’t abandon everything to come sit by your side like a lapdog. You are injured. Why are you making this worse?


YTA. Major AH! I broke my back & have had 8 major surgeries. Major complications from a few of them. My wife stayed as much as she could each surgery. I tried to get her to stay home but she came as much as she could. There nothing for our spouses to do for us in the hospital. Their care starts at home. She can’t stay w you 24/7 when the house still needs to be taken care of and someone needs to take care of the kids. You’re asking way too much of her and the kids. Because the kids still need their mother more than you need your wife. Believe me I know how lonely it is stuck in the hospital bed but you can’t put all that on your wife. It’s a dick move. When you get home she will need to care for you more than you realize. This will shift her responsibilities she has now onto the eldest kid. Your care will take up more time and she’ll be with you more than you realize. If you start to piss her off now she’ll only start to resent you before you care is up and you can take care of yourself. Stop being so selfish. You’re a grown man so stop acting like a spoiled child. You said you would’ve done anything to be w her. Sure. Who would care for the kids? Who would prepare the house for the storm? If both of you are in the hospital nothing else is getting done. Then you’d probably bitch and moan because the house wasn’t clean when you got home or too much damage from the storm because no one prepared it. Etc etc. Stop thinking of yourself. There are 4 kids to think of and a home to protect. Your wife isn’t a dr or a nurse and there’s nothing she can do for you except to sit and look at you in the bed. Grow up and act like the 35yo man that you are and stop acting like a child. I don’t know if you’re aware or able or not but someone will probably need to wipe your ass and get you from bed to toilet etc. don’t piss her off or she may let you lay in your own shit & piss Oh and lastly you’re not a damn afterthought. I guarantee they’re all worried about you. My daughter worried every time I had surgery. My wife had to comfort her every day multiple time a day until I came home. I guarantee your wife is having to console your kids also. But the way you think is they’ve abandoned you and don’t give a shit and left you there to suffer alone for the fun of it. Good grief


YTA I only have two kids, I am deeply in love with my husband but given the circumstances I would visit when I could as much as I could. The 17 year old is definitely not responsible for the other children and there's the hurricane. Im sorry you were in an accident but your wife is doing the best she can.


YTA. Marriage is through thick and thin. That means she handles everything while you sit in a hosioital bed because you chose to ride something dangerous.


YTA you have nurses on hand 24/7 and she has 4 kids to tend and life didn’t stop because you got injured. It sucks. I get it, I’ve spent a lot of time alone in the hospital- but our families still have lived to live.


YTA. Your wife has other obligations that include all four of her children, whom I hope you think of as yours. Your eldest stepdaughter is not a babysitter for your emotional needs of your wife. She did what was best for your family. You're doing that thing where men turn every little cough and sneeze into a huge production. I get it. You're hurt. You're in the hospital. Your life is on pause. Hers can't be. She has obligations. She's coming to see you, ffs. She's not abandoning you forever. How did you get to be this old and be this needy?


YTA. Sorry for your accident and injuries. Now, FFS, you are being taken care of. That’s what they do in hospitals. Your wife has spend a great deal of time with you AND will be stuck caring for you when you go home. Don’t begrudge her the opportunity to not let her children die in a category 4 hurricane. I hope you are just feeling sorry for yourself. A meeting with a therapist should be part of your trauma care. If your medical team is not part of this care, you need to ask for it.


Based on the title I was all ready to be on your side, but my dude the more you wrote the more YTA you sound. First off, you have young kids and you're riding a motorcycle. Why? Not a great choice already. Then she already stayed til 4am and that wasn't enough, even considering one of the children she's leaving to take care of is YOURS. And then the hurricane? If you're talking about Ian I can't see how you seriously think she needs to be at the hospital with you instead of making sure the kids and your home are safe. I assume you're watching TV, since there's not much else to do. And having lived in FL I know that even on the regular shows there are scrolls at the bottom of the screen talking about the seriousness of the storm and trying to get people to evacuate. Seriously, think about what's best for your child here. And stop riding freaking motorcycles.


YTA. Look I get wanting your loved with you but your in the middle of a hurricane and she has 4 children to look after. What would happen if weather got worse and couldn't leave the hospital? Was the 17 year old supposed to watch all of the other little ones? Completely unrealistic


YTA Are you really going to put yourself ahead of her kids and yours? If it were me my first concern would be my wife and kid. You have plenty of support from the hospital and will recover. Your wife has her hands full and you're suggesting dropping all that on a 17yo?


YTA. She is trying to juggle everyone who needs her all at once. She's doing her fucking best.


YTA. Kids and hurricanes don't vanish when a loved one lands in the hospital. It sounds like she really was there as much as possible.


So, just so we’re clear, your wife spent all day the first few days at your side, but had the audacity to go home at night to sleep in her bed and take care of the children and make sure the house hasn’t burnt down. Then for one and a half days she wasn’t with you because she was taking care of her children during a hurricane. And you would prefer she leave all of these duties to the care of a seventeen-year-old so she could sleep in a chair next to you for emotional support. Being a mother of five must be very difficult for her. YTA


YTA for even riding a motorcycle with 3 step kids and a baby in the first place! You are lucky to even be alive!


YTA, though I do understand that what you're going through is tough and likely traumatic. But if you're feeling abandoned by your wife when you stated she spent days 1, 2, and half of day 3 with you? Out of 4? That's not abandonment. She is trying to balance your needs with that of her four children, and now you're guilting her for it. The loss and abandonment you're feeling is ok and understandable, but you need to be looking into more professional and responsible ways to deal with it rather than putting it on your wife and indirectly your kids.


YTA. She was being mom like she should be. A mom with young children and a hurricane approaching. My husband would have been livid if I had been at the hospital with in like you were wanting. Grow up.


YTA - Yes being in the hospital can be scary and lonely and it is good to have someone there with you when possible (plenty of patients don't have anyone). But it isn't reasonable to expect your wife to be there constantly: She's just one person. She still needs to take care of the kids (having a teenager take care of the siblings full time is not an option, especially if there's a baby) and the usual chores around the house plus the disaster stuff and yes, herself (maybe she needs to cook a meal, do some laundry, get a shower and some sleep?) and is probably spending time at home doing stuff for you (sorting out insurance, bringing your things from home, prepping the house for your limited mobility when you return, doing whatever home chores you usually do). Unfortunately all those other responsibilities don't pause when something awful happens. I know you have been seriously injured but you are still a parent and an adult with responsibilities: your wife and children need you and are stressed and scared and you aren't home to take care of them, so maybe you can sacrifice some of your comfort right now to take some of the burden off of them? Is there anyone else you can reach out to for support or to visit or to help at home besides your wife (friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, religious community...)?


YTA. Who is it that you expect to watch all of those kids? You should be thanking her for coming every day and still keep things going at home.


YTA and sound like a baby. She was with you a lot! And then she had to take care of kids and prepare for a hurricane! Are you always like this?


Let me get this straight… You wanted your wife to leave four MINOR CHILDREN, alone, in the middle of a hurricane that has flooded homes, cut off power, and endangered or proved fatal to thousands… to sit with you in a fully staffed hospital where she could do absolutely NOTHING for you in the case of emergency but stand there? I’m hoping the drugs are making you this much of an AH and it’s not your usual personality YTA


YTA - I had major back surgery on Monday. My brother came with me to the hospital but I sent him home for the waiting period before and duration of the procedure because, as other commenters have said, in a hospital you are surrounded by professionals for whom caring for an injured/sick person is a job for which they're trained. Being in pain and in the hospital sucks hardcore, but what could she really be doing there except sitting in the same room for hours at a time in an uncomfortable chair? Your wife has 4 children to care for, now completely alone, and sounds like it'll be a 5th when you get home. Give her a break, she's dealing with the crappy situation you put her in.


YTA you’re wallowing in self pity. Just because you’re hurt doesn’t mean the world stops. Because you are hurt your wife now has to handle everything alone AND you and you’re not even out of the hospital and already complaining.


YTA. How old are you? You sound like a big baby. You should have called your mommy.


YTA Imagine the people at the hospital when no one, but the patients were allowed.. Stop being selfish, you're being taken care of.


YTA and although you’re obviously feeling sorry for yourself, you need to get some perspective. With a hurricane coming, with 4 kids (3 very dependent) and with you being in hospital getting the best help available, you really just want her to be there to demonstrate how much she cares and to be an audience for your moaning. Pretty childish and self-centered of you. If she had only been in to see you for an hour here and there AND there was no hurricane, I might feel differently. But nope, definitely YTA.


YTA she has responsibilities as you recover. Understand and get better.


YTA all the way. You are a grown-ass adult. Her responsibility is to the children. Their needs trump yours. You have nurses to look after your well-being. The children do not.


YTA you big baby. I can only imagine what a joy you’re going to be when you get released and she has to deal with your ass at home.


YTA. Your wife has 4 kids and a hurricane to worry about. Get some perspective, dude. Stop pressuring her when she under an inordinate amount of stress already. Just stop it.


YTA. You're an adult surrounded by a care team. She has 4 children and a hurricane to manage. The building you're in will likely not sustain damage, or not to an extent the house could. You have help, if not companionship. If it were my family in this situation, my husband would be on his knees praying for us, telling me where to find the drill bits, and reminding me that he loves me while I fight for our family. Grow up.


So she has been with you every day, and pretty much constantly the first day, but you’ve been “alone?” She had to take care of the kids. Y’all have a baby. There’s a hurricane. Would you have just left the kids alone to be with her 24/7? If so, that doesn’t make you the more attractive partner. YTA


Dude what the fuck. YTA. You have 4 kids at home! 3 of whom aren’t old enough to be home alone at all! Is she supposed to leave all three of those young children alone with the 17 year old or a babysitter to be at your bedside? She’s there as much as she can be while still taking care of your children! It’s astonishing that you would prefer her at the hospital instead of with your young children during a literal hurricane.


YTA you should’ve quit riding a motorcycle the second you found out your wife was pregnant. No one with kids should ride those death traps and YTA for that alone.


YTA. She has kids to look after and was doing hurricane prep. You're lucky that she made time to come see you. You need to get a grip, dude. What was she supposed to do...leave her youngsters at home during the hurricane? Pretty sure if something happened to them while she was camping out at the hospital. She would be in some legal trouble. Be thankful that you're alive. And that, you married a woman who takes care of the kids. And who plans on taking care of you after being released. She sounds like a good person. I hope your recovery is smooth and quick.


YTA - and you really need to edit your post to read: My wife has 5 kids, 3 from a previous marriage, 1 from this marriage and me.


YTA. You’re a selfish cry baby.


YTA Yikes


YTA. When you have kids, they generally are the priority. She can’t just ditch them at the house all alone. You have people taking care of at the hospital, the kids have no else but her at home.


100%, unequivocally YTA.


YTA Why are some men such big babies when they have an owie? Lol


YTA. A really whiny one.


Holy fuck. YTA. Grow up and have some perspective.


YTA. Kids come first, especially when you have a ONE YEAR OLD.


YTA. Looks like wifey has five babies, not four...


YTA. She’s taking care of 4 kids and prepping for a hurricane without help. you are recovering from the consequences of your own decisions


You chose to ride a dangerous motorcycle, which comes with the downside of having to be very, very brave in the scary hospital if you get hurt. She’s done her best to be there for you, big fella. So even though you’re a grown adult (allegedly) in a hospital fully staffed with professionals to attend to your needs and comforts, the three kids and an infant should be at home alone, with a hurricane coming…because YOU didn’t want to feel alone and abandoned. M’kay. You’re an embarrassment and YTA.


YTA. Apparently your wife actually has five kids with how you’re acting. You’re in a hospital recovering from a consequence of a choice you made to ride a motorcycle. You don’t need her there every second of every day. Even if she didn’t have other responsibilities, your ask is not conducive to your recovery. On top of that, she has very real obligations to her children and also securities the home against a storm. Grow up.


Your neglectful wife is taking care of 4 kids alone, one being your infant, and is trying to make sure your house isn't destroyed by a hurricane, and you're mad she's not there making goo goo eyes at you and telling you "oh poor baby" all day every day? How dare she! /s. Bro gtfo here. You better start thanking your lucky stars you have a woman so good. YTA YTA YTA! If you're that lonely call your mommy. EDIT: Your wife has 5 children, not 4, considering how childish you're being.