By - Grassylawnthrowaway
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Grass grows at a pretty predictable rate. Pretty easy to set up a schedule with the neighbor kid. Instead, he wants to put another chore on his wife's shoulders.
Yeah, but if he puts that tasks on her, he can bitch if she mows a day too early or a day too late. You can't pass up that chance to puff up your sense of dominance.
OP, YTA. It would take you 10 seconds to say, 'Could you call Kevin and see if he can mow in the next few days? Thanks.'
OP should just put the kid’s number in his phone and text the kid when he wants the lawn mowed. OP already said he’s responsible for maintaining he lawn - so let him take responsibility for when the kid comes and mows. Sheesh.
OP - YTA. You don’t have to tell your wife, who will tell the kid’s mom (which is why you seem to think this is your wife’s responsibility, she knows the mom), who will tell the kid. And then do it all again a week or two later - just tell the kid yourself when you want the lawn mowed.
Also maybe throw in a “and hey babe thanks for seeing an opportunity to help take things off my plate”
This part of your comment should be blown up and framed..
"You can't pass up that chance to puff up your sense of dominance."
That said it all right there about OP's AH husband.
OP, What you are addressing is called mental load and the issue is that this is additional work in addition to the work she does that you observe. Women often have the bulk of the mental load regarding running a household and it's exhausting.
OP, I encouraging you to read this comic that explains what your wife is experiencing: [You Should've Asked](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)
Exactly this - it cracks me up that the slightest expectation of bearing the mental load is fobbed off - but alittle reciprocity is baulked at.
Wondering if the fact that she is having to tell him what to get at the store, rather than him observing for himself, is lost on him in this context?
Exactly. OP seems to not have an understanding of mental load, since he seems to consider grocery shopping one of "his chores" except his wife is the one who is carrying the entire mental load of knowing what needs to be bought in the first place. Isn't he capable of looking in the fridge and realizing there's no milk the same way he expects her to look outside and see the grass is tall?
SO GLAD to see this mentioned. I also wonder if she's the one who keeps track of garbage day . . .
It's always driven me crazy that my husband knew he had a Scout meeting on Tuesday, but when i told him that the cans had to go out on Tuesday, just like every tuesday, he gave me the shocked Pikachu face every time.
YTA "lawns due for a cut love, oh and btw how tops is it that our little family are all so happy and healthy, we should try to take some time out together to do something fun next weekend, have a great day!"
I mean does telling her exert the same amount of time and energy as actually mowing? Like she was kind enough to take that chore from him but he can’t be bothered with reminding her? Weird hill to die on…
I have this conversation with my husband all the time but with milk. I don’t drink milk so I really don’t pay attention to how much is in the fridge even if I am in and out of it daily. Unless I’m cooking something that needs milk it doesn’t even enter my mind. If he doesn’t tell me we are out or put it on the list I will not remember to buy any.
She is homeschooling which already outweighs any chore you’re doing at home. Help your wife out, in fact, she’s clearly struggling if she’s asking for help with this minor thing.
Let me point out this: “(you) often stop at the grocery store on the way home to get whatever she says we need for the day.”
“Whatever SHE SAYS we need for the day.”
Is there a reason that you don’t notice what might be needed for the day? Of course there is. To you, that’s entirely her job. You count on her to inform you of that. She goes through the work of making a list and either sending it to you or calling you or answering you. But you could just as easily look in the fridge and notice you’re running low on milk, right? You see the food when you open the fridge. Why don’t you make the list?
What I’m saying, my man, is that she already is carrying a lot of the noticing and informing work. Either learn to get over feeling weird and contact the kid you give money to (or his mom) directly or just say “hey hon, I think the lawn could use a mow if you can call Kevin.”
YTA. This is barely a molehill, no need to make it a mountain.
Edit: Y’all. Thanks for all the nice shiny awards. I will treasure them always.
One more edit. I don’t actually think he needs to take on the groceries if this division of labor works for them. But he still lists the lawn as his responsibility. If she can tell him what they need from the store, he can text her “lawn needs mow, luv u.”
YTA. She has a huge mental load. Just curious: do you buy cards and presents for your family’s birthdays? Or does she?
She has to remind him of any and all birthdays and anniversaries.
And he says all the presents are from "both of us"
Op is the guy who looks over to see what the kids got from Santa, and mom & dad
My ex in-laws complained that we were ungrateful and terrible children, because we didn't do enough for them. I organised every card and present and cake over 20 years and even threw a massive 60th for my FIL. Now we are divorced they realise how little their children are actually willing to do, since my ex doesn't even remember their birthdays, and my BIL wouldn't show up, let alone organise a casual coffee with them.
I let my husband take care of everything for his side of the family. Which means it doesn’t get done (except for MIL who we see often and who is involved with our kids regularly). But family on the other side of the country? We will travel to see my family ten thousand times before I arrange travel there. If he asked nicely like “I want to go visit *family in *state this summer. Can you please help me book the travel accommodations?” I would consider and probably barter something. But it’s his family, if he wants to see them, he can make the effort and do some of the work. “We should go visit xxx sometime. I still haven’t seen their new house etc etc” will never get it done.
[The mental load](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)
I commented this elsewhere, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to share it here as well
At the very least, she noticed he was tired after mowing the lawn and offered to take on the task of calling someone to help him do it. To OP, this means she should take over his chore completely. Maybe she’ll think twice next time before trying to make his life easier.
Let’s be real. She got sick and tired of listening to him bitch about his only big chore. And now he’s bitching about having to tell her to get the hired help to do it.
Great point! His whole list to tell the wife is:
mow lawn? Yes/no.
Like someone else pointed out, it would be a 10 second text when you get in the car to go to work.
This a 1000 times!
Your "chore" has been reduced to literally one sentence, "lawn needs mowing" and you are getting pissy over it? YTA.
One, this benefits you. Suck it up and make the tiny tiny effort to tell her.
Two, we all have household chore blind spots, including walking by obvious things without seeing them or doing them. Counselors say that marriages work better when the person who sees the chore needing to be done tells the one who is oblivious. Things get done faster and resentment doesn't build up.
Is there some reason why you can't get this kids number and make arrangements?? Seems like YTA in this scenario.
My thoughts exactly. Doesn't want to do the physical labor OR the mental labor. Total lazy AH material.
YTA, she does everything else, why can't you help with this one thing? Better yet, why don't you take over getting the kid's number, since it's your chore?
For real. Dude has exactly two chores, and he's managed to offload the only one that takes any real amount of time or effort.
And the reason he offloaded one.. his wife was concerned about how tired he was!
Like are you kidding me, she cares enough about you to figure out a change to lighten your load and you throw it back in her face over having to say one sentence to her!
Lawn needs mowing babe
YTA - your wife sounds overwhelmed, and you basically just gave her one more thing to do after she tried to help you out. You couldn't even come up with a solution to avoid having to do the work and passed the job right back to your wife. Set a schedule or give the kid some guidelines to check on. Based on that and the fact you list "often stop by the grocery store on the way home to get whatever she says we need for the day." as some sort of meaningful chore suggest you barely taken any initiative on running the household.
You are not a lost cause but you need to take some real initiative here. For example, tell her that you are on meal planning for the week. Find a balance on who makes what meal. write it all down, create a grocery list and actually own the chore so she doesn't have to be the one thinking about it.
Exactly! Why doesn't he notice when she's exhausted and overworked and take over managing and overseeing work for HER?!?
YTA. This is a spectacularly stupid hill to die on. Your wife is raising and homeschooling two kids and apparently is entirely responsible for all of the cooking and cleaning and running the household as well -- which is a 24/7 job. If your only regular chore is taking out the trash, then the division of labor in your home is seriously messed up.
Just tell her when she needs to call the neighbor. It's not going to kill you.
Or call the neighbor himself. What I don't get here is if lawn care is his responsibility, why does she need to be the one to set that up?
Also, why not just set up a schedule with the neighbor??
Feels like he trying to make this harder to pick a fight with his wife.
Hey now, he occasionally picks up the groceries (she tells likely him exactly what to get).
Not to be that person, but- why are men like this?
You manage to get out of one of the few household chores you have and you are whining about having to TELL YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE NEEDS TO DO ALL THE MENTAL LABOR TO TEXT SOMEONE TO DO IT FOR YOU?! Wow. Your wife is a freaking saint letting you get out of this chore and her reward is more work? Nice. Personally, I think it is rather dumb to look a gift horse in the mouth like this when I don't see you attempting to handle one of her chores by hiring someone so things are equal.
Despite being bisexual, this is half the reason I don’t date men
Seriously. Look at the mental labor of being a SAHM. It’s an invisible fatigue.
YTA. My biggest fear is ending up with a husband like you who expects me to manage literally everything except his job. Grow up and help out.
If I have to tell you when to do something, how to do it, and be accountable for it getting done; that’s not a partner that is an intern.
YTA. Is this really the hill you want to die on. Your wife homeschools, takes care of the house , kids cooking and you want her to take on one more thing regardless of how simple it is. If it's so dang simple why can't you say hey we need the lawn mowed. Goodness. Or stop pretending it's awkward and text the kid or their mom yourself.
But…he also stops by the grocery store on his way from work when she specifically tells him exactly what is needed! HE DOES SO MUCH!!!
This was the icing on the cake. She tells him what is needed from the store (which needs a lot more mental work) and he complains that he has to tell her when the lawn is getting too long 🤦🏻♀️
I wouldn’t last a month living with this man I swear
YTA--this is weird. You have two chores and one is being removed but you're resenting having to say to her, "ok call that kid"? THAT's too much? I work full time and do a hell of a lot more chores than you. You suck, my man.
He “takes out the trash”. What a hero.
This is what gets me. I dont have kids, but I work full time and I do much more than him as a single person with a dog. He is getting out of a LOT. Working full time doesnt mean an even division of labor is doing no chores. What would you do if you didn't have a wife, OP? Being a STAHM is much more than full time when you're required to do everything for every single person in the house hold.
I don’t think this is necessarily an YTA / NTA situation. However, if that is what we are fitting it into, YTA?
What do you do to make her life easier? Apart from your two mentioned “chores”. You work in a workplace while your wife works as a teacher, for your two children. With this you still expect her to act as a SAHM.
So I’ll assume her daily list of “chores” add up to being: The washing up, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, making sure the house is presentable, making sure the children are educated, washed, fed during all hours of the day etc…
You have two jobs, one of which you didn’t want to do so your wife made your life “easier” by hiring someone to do it for you, and you won’t even have the respect for her to tell her when it needs doing.
YTA. Start respecting your wife.
And he gets to leave the house without the children, do his own thing and earns an income while I assume his wife gets to never really leave the house, has time to herself, earn her own income and just not have to spend 24/7 thinking first of other people before herself.
Imagine the 'list' of stuff that falls under educating for a 10 and 4 year old.... entirely different curriculums for very different educational needs. The very idea is overwhelming to me, without everything else in life to manage an entire household.
YTA. Seriously. It’s that much of a chore to tell your wife, over dinner, can you text so and so for
Dear god the whininess. Your poor wife. She does so much, and you bitch about her making your life easier, and taking a chore off your plate.
What do you DO, besides work?
Or perhaps, go with me on this one. Maybe he has enough personal agency to contact the lawn guy himself.
Edit. Apparently he cant introduce himself either.
Dude listed three "chores" and has the audacity to ask "bUt WhY cAn't My WifE cOvER tHis oNe toO?"
YTA OP. You barely do anything to help your wife.
She has to take care of the whole house and you're complaining that you have to say 'the lawn needs to be mowed?' You don't even have to contact the kid to do it or pay the kid to do it? And you're complaining about this? You're a serious AH, why is your wife married to you?
The wife would be better off just letting OP cut the grass himself again and be exhausted. No good deed goes unpunished, right?
Are. you. kidding. me.
Sir, get the number and call yourself, it doesn’t matter if she is friendly with the mom! I can’t believe you’re getting out of one of the few chores you do, and you’re *complaining about your wife not wanting to take on more of the mental load*. Ffs, obviously yta.
YTA - Google "mental load." She helped you out by taking a chore off your list. You used it as an excuse to add another to her list.
She’s a SAHM and a teacher. That’s two full time jobs, one being 24/7 job. You seem to do the bare minimum and can’t walk outside, see the grass needs mowing and text her…lawn needs mowed again. Huge YTA.
I’m not even going to get into anything else. You literally wrote that you pick up groceries when she tells you to.
Do you not get the irony?
You carry the emotional load for this one thing and that’s too much for you.
You know how you feel about your wife in this ONE instance? Your wife carries the emotional load for managing the logistics of EVERYTHING ELSE
You pitch in when told…
You pick things up when told.
Frankly, I’m amazed you dress yourself without help in the morning
Copied from ANOTHER AITA post of a man who can’t stand his wife asking him to do small errands while he’s out.
Cop onto yourself OP - to say you’re a lazy partner is putting it mildly. Giant YTA.
Paying attention to the grass seems a whole lot easier than mowing it. Why can’t *you* do it yourself?
YTA. Sounds like she did you a favor.
Hon, what's the number for our lawn mower guy? -
Hey, Dainese, it's Jim, Lisa's husband. Does your son Tim hae time to mow the lawn this weekend?-
It's that easy.
INFO: Which chores do you just do when you notice they need to be done? Vacuuming? Cleaning countertops? Dishes?
I'd suggest you take 2 weeks off and do all the work your wife does now, all the planning, mental load and have her volunteer outside of the home. See if you want an extra mental task then.
YTA. You chore has gone from actively having to mow the lawn, getting sweaty and dirty, to simply having to tell your wife when it needs mowing. That’s a SIGNIFICANT deduction of labor, and you’re whining about it? It you really don’t want to have to tell your wife when the grass is long, just go back to mowing it yourself.
So you have two chores, have gotten out of doing one of them, and can't even use your words to say "hey, can you let the kid know we need the lawn mowed?" once in a while?
Dude. It's not that hard. Just do it. Your wife is raising two children, cleaning the house, AND educating them at the same time. Take 5 fucking seconds to ask her, if you can't be bothered to call the kid yourself.
YTA. You both work full time (you outside the home, your wife educating your children, who are at very different ages and need very different curricula). She also does absolutely *all* the housework except taking out the bins. You used to be responsible for mowing the lawn as well - your *two* "chores", as though you're a small child - but she took that off your hands too because it was apparently too much...and you're whining because she's asking for a quick reminder?
I would say you need to read up about mental load, but dude. First you need to take on some of the actual physical load - laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping, cooking, appliances, cleaning the toilets.
How much of the childcare are you doing outside working hours?
YTA. oh so all you do now is take out the trash while she does the rest but doing something as simple as speaking a sentence to her is too hard for you.
YTA. Mowing the lawn is your chore. Your wife offered to contact the neighborhood kid as a favor to you, but that shouldn't mean the chore is now her problem. If you can understand why you're annoyed to have to notice the grass length and communicate it to your wife, you should be able to understand why your wife is annoyed to have to notice it when this is your chore and you do very little around the house. If she's homeschooling y'all's kids, she's working just as much as you are.
An obvious solution: why not just have the kid come once a week/every other week? That's how often most people mow their lawns, IME. That way, neither of you have to notice how long the grass is. Just pick a day and have him come on that day consistently.
You could also offer to take over a different chore your wife dislikes if she'll handle the lawn.
YTA Taking care of the lawn is your responsibility, you can call when you want it cut. The only one playing a game is you.
YTA. She’s a teacher, a housekeeper, and a cook. Do you not see why she’s annoyed? You have two jobs and are giving one to a kid, and still need your wife to manage that project for you. She clearly bears the mental load all the time, take this one on. And text the id yourself. If you think it’s weird include their parent in the text every time. Grow up. Your wife isn’t your parent or manager. Can you really not see why she’s mad at you?
YTA. You, as a grown adult with kids, have like 2 and a half chores to do which have now been reduced because you have a helper and you’re getting pissy at your wife (even tho she found someone to help you when she noticed how exhausted you were) because she hasn’t taken over the management of the lawn and the decision making over the lawn when your household workload has been significantly reduced while she still has to do the 98% of things that need to be done around the house. Be serious right now.
You live there too, why don’t you wash your clothes and cook your food? Oh, and the kids are yours too so, are you even envolved with some parenting? YTA.
YTA ..why is it that men never seem to understand “mental load”??? It was your JOB to mow …if that’s too difficult for you to handle and need a teenager to do your chore for you , the very least you could do for her is remind her to call the kid! She shouldn’t have to be worried about whether she’s looked at the yard today and if it’s going need to be mowed in a few days . Or how about since you got out of one chore , she finds you another !!!
YTA the lawn is your chore, you are responsible for it getting mowed whether you do it yourself or arrange for it to be done.
Frankly, you do the bare minimum in the home and its shocking that you are trying to shift this chore too
YTA for making a mountain out of a molehill. How hard is it to tell her when the grass is too long?
But... He goes to the *grocery store* (when asked). He takes out the *trash*. She may do the other 99% of childrearing, but sheesh, give the man a break!
You're such a glorious idiot if this is really what bothers you. If the lawn was part of your chores, why don't YOU call the kid when it needs to be mowed?
Unless you keep track on when the dust starts collecting under the beds, when the toothpaste is about to finish, when the dryer filter needs to be cleaned, when the school pencils need to be sharpened, when the socks need to be washed and after that put in the drawer, I could literally go on for 50 pages here.
How dare your wife expect you to go through the strain of saying 4 words twice a month? Doesn’t she know that taking out the trash is strenuous enough? Why can’t she just be observant enough to manage this on top of the kids, their school work, cooking, cleaning and other general necessities to keep the household running?
YTA. Grow up.
If it's so easy for her to see the grass then it's easy for you too. You should be making the call as it is your chore. Do you ever get her a babysitter so her life is easier? This is a two way street.
“Hey honey, just got home and grass is looking long. Can you call Jimbo down the street to come mow it? Thanks!“
Probably took me longer to type that up than to tell your wife the same sentence. YTA, you ain’t got but two chores, and you ain’t even cutting it anymore. C’mon maaaaaan
YTA: your job is the lawn. She’s helping make it easier on you, it’s still your job to notice. Not hers, per the insinuated agreement you guys have on who’s chores are who’s. She hires someone and now it’s her job to notice? Nah…. Come on dude. She tells you what’s needed from the grocery right? Why don’t you notice and take that job off her hands??? Hmm?????
YTA. You should not even be having this conversation, YOU should have found and contacted the kid, and continued to keep in contact with them as needed.
It's YOUR job. Not hers. With an attitude like yours, your wife is probably going to start believing in the adage 'no good deed goes unpunished'.
Your lazy entitled butt should be taking on more of the chores, you both work full time, you're both tired, but you make your wife do 90% of it, and 100% of the mental load.
You mean your wife works full time as well as the main parent and teacher of y’all’s children, and she does considerably more in chores and house upkeep than you do. And one of your main chores is being removed, and you can’t even tell her when the grass needs to be mowed? You understand your wife is carrying all of the other mental load in running the house? I mean, my god, she has to tell you what groceries y’all need, and you expect her to also tell you when the lawn needs to be done? Get a grip. YTA.
You’re the one who is in charge of the lawn. She’s willing to get a neighbor kid to mow it, but your job has always been to pay attention.
Either do the considerably easier task of telling her, or mow the lawn yourself.
YTA. Be an equal partner.
"I'm responsible for the lawn, but after my wonderful, caring wife took pity on me and tried to help me out with one of my TWO chores, I found a way to shirk that duty onto her as well, teehee"
YTA my guy. She tried to help you out and you dump the entire responsibility onto her. Just make a phone call.
YTA - the lawn was yours to take care of just because you aren't the one doing the actual mowing doesn't mean that the task of getting it taken care of should be on your wife's list. She already found the person to cut the grass, you just have to arrange for it to be done.
Your edit screams weaponized incompetence. Get the number, and schedule the mowing. Or go back to mowing yourself.
You have TWO whole chores and you want your wife to do the **mental labour** of one of those two because it's just **too much** for you to deal with?
Are you fucking kidding me?
If you need someone else to take care of the thinking for you, then get an assistant. Otherwise, be a damn grown man and **call** and make **arrangements** for this kid to come on a weekly, biweekly, or whatever **schedule** you want to keep the grass cut.
It is so **lame** to blame your wife for this rather than you**r inability** to make a tiny bit of **effort** to fix YOUR problem and make YOUR workload lighter.
It doesn't require **making things harder for your wife in order to be easier on you.**
YTA. You can easily text her or write a note or mention it in passing. I’m astonished you aren’t thrilled that she is willing to contact the worker and manage paying for the task.
YTA. You got out of your household duties and now you’re complaining that she doesn’t pick up your slack even more?
YTA. You literally have TWO chores and this kid does one is them so why is it so hard for you to oversee this? The excuse you’ve been giving that it’s your wife’s friend’s son and makes more sense for her to do it us BS. Grow up and stop making your wife do everything!
Dude, come on. Your wife is exhausted and has to think about a million things all day. Why are you wanting to make life harder for her? I really want you to ask yourself that: Say it out loud "it makes me wife's lifes harder because it adds an extra step to her already full plate - should I support her, or just split hair because I think she should just notice regardless of everything else she has going on?"
YTA, in case you couldn't tell
So she kindly hired a kid to take over one of YOUR chores, and you can't be arsed to tell her when it needs to be done? YTA.
You do two things but she is taking care of one of them. Do you think you might be an AH?
So now she does everything & all you do is take out the trash? Yta. You live there too. She's doing a the physical & emotional labour, the least you can do is ask her to call the teen. I understand not wanting to text the teen yourself.
Just schedule the kid to come at regular intervals. YTA for making a big deal out of something stupid. If your whiny ass can't handle ONE TASK without being resentful while your wife is running the ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD, you don't deserve her labor or her respect.
YTA Your job has changed from mowing the grass to telling your wife it’s time for the grass to be cut and you’re complaining? To a mother who does everything, including homeschooling? While I get she can probably look out and see it herself, she has enough on her plate and is simply asking you to let her know when you want the grass cut.
YTA. Is really that hard to say “can you please schedule a mowing?”
Often times, the biggest energy drain is having to mentally remember everything that needs to be done. I mean everything. Kids school, activities, medical appointments. Meal planning, cooking. Holidays and birthdays. Every. Single. Thing.
Mental load is a real thing. If mowing is your chore, forge a relationship with the kid and/or his parents and fulfill the chore. Getting you’re wife to arrange it is equivalent to just handing her one of your chores.
YTA. She might not notice when the lawn has grown, oh no /s
However she DID notice you were tired. Does she not get points for that? So as a favor to you she offered to call the neighbor kid. Again, does she not get any credit for wanting to help? It’s still your chore. And you’ve been relieved of the main duty. How hard is it to just tell her “hey it’s time for the lawn to get mowed”. And beyond that, if the neighbor kid has already agreed to the job, then a simple phone call is easy. Go apologize to your wife, and on top of that thank her for being aware of your needs and trying to help you when she already takes care of two whole other human beings and the house.
Also, btw, without the mowing your contribution to the household work is now minuscule. What have you done recently to help relieve HER stress? Because it seems that instead of wanting to relieve her stress like she wanted to relieve yours, you’re just adding to it.
Edit to add: she has to tell you every day about what the house needs from the grocery store, shouldn’t you just notice it. It’s soooo easy. /s
Communication is key in every relationship and to wanna be exempt from it is just childish in my opinion. I doubt she complains every time she has to ask you to grab a gallon of milk or some thing.
I'm so hoping this is parody but just in case YTA and you know it.
YTA. Your chore list is super small for two kids that are homeschooled. You do realise that you’re expecting her to have two huge jobs, looking after home and educating and caring for the kids? You should be doing way more at home. She tries to make her life easier and you are too lazy to coordinate it yourself?
Hmmm I think you thought you’d have a lot more people agreeing with you here. Because if we flip it around, and it was a woman saying that she shouldn’t have to tell her partner when something should be done because they have eyes and can see; there’d be a gang of people rightfully agreeing that of course she shouldn’t have to spell it out.
Am I right?
The division of labour in your home is wildly in your favour. Put on your big boy pants and get the kids number and text him yourself the next time the lawn needs mowing. Stop shifting blame to your wife and giving her yet another chore to take care of. It sounds like she has enough on her plate.
YTA, lazy ass
YTA. It's exhausting always being the person who has to notice and be responsible for things being done. Helping is not the same as taking responsibility. You're responsible for literally two chores, your wife has outsourced so you don't have to do the work yourself and you're bitching because she should take on responsibilty for that too? Shame on you.
I’m a SAHM to 4 kids, 3 of which are homeschooled and one’s a baby. YTA. You have no idea what it takes to manage all this, and you’re trying to add one more thing. You might try reading a book like Fair Play, see if it expands your thinking enough to understand why YTA here.
YTA. She is your partner not your mom. It’s not her job to tell you the grass is tall. You live there, I am going to go against my norm and assume you can see. You can tell when the grass is tall.
She is a teacher, a home maker, and does most of the shopping. You should be happy you only have to do the lawn and trash on top of a job.
Make a list of yours and her chores include work..switch even for a weekend and I guarantee your mind will be blown. This society of women constantly carrying the mental burden is ridiculous, all you have to do is say...honey thelawn needs mowing and you can't even do that. YTA
I love the mental workload of Schrödinger, where is both not a big deal so his wife should be okay doing it but big enough of a deal that he's mad he has to do it. YTA
YTA You're the one who always dealt with the lawn, she's used to that being your task. She'd probably prefer you decide when it's time for a mow, because you're the one who's always cared for the lawn, why is it so hard for you to just communicate when it's time?
YTA. You have two chores, and your wife does literally every other job in the house, as well as taking care of two children, and you're complaining about one of the literal two things you have to do after she goes out of her way to make it easier for you already?
YTA, your wife arranged to take one of your - what, two chores? - off your plate, and you can't even be assed to tell her when to arrange it to be done.
You know what? Forget the neighborhood kid doing it. *You* do it again, since passing the info to your wife for her to make arrangements for you to get out of it is so difficult. Either that, or get the kid's number and call them yourself, your wife is not your mother, and you don't need her as a go-between.
YTA. Are your fingers broken where you can’t call/text the kid yourself?
YTA — grow up
yta, she works 24/7 but you can't communicate about grass?
wow. counting you that's three kids.
look up 'mental load' its the mental burden that having to -plan- and do a task cost. She does all of this all the time..
step up man.
YTA, and maybe read up on a concept called “the mental load”
INFO - Why do you need to contact the kid to cut the grass? Like, wouldn’t it be easier to say “Hey, for April and May, come every other week. Then for June to September, come every week. Finally, October until November or the first snow, every other week.” Boom, done.
Your wife took one of your two chores and turned it from “mow the lawn” to “let her know when the grass is high and she’ll arrange for the lawn to be mowed”, and that’s still not enough? YTA.
OMG YTA come on dude you’re not a child. Get the kids number and text him. Or ya know have him mow every week because that’s what people typically do. Your wife did something nice and now you’re complaining because it’s not good enough.
It takes 10 seconds for you to say “hey hon, on the way in the door I noticed the grass was getting long again, could you have it cut?”. But sure, die on this hill YTA.
YTA, you live there too. What’s your point?
Imagine you get a haircut. When is it time to get it cut again? It’s longer the next day, is that long enough? What about two days? Three?
You notice the grass is long because you spend tons of time away from the house. You can actually notice it’s long at some point. But when you’re there everyday, it takes longer to notice it’s longer.
Especially as a SAHM who is home schooling two kids. You think you’re busy with work? That’s a goddamn joke.
Try doing everything for a week. Then see how high up on your priority list having the grass cut is.
YTA. Are you seriously complaining that your chore of mowing the lawn was downgraded to telling your wife to call a neighborhood kid to do it for you? You just expected it to get downgraded to doing nothing about the law at all?
YTA. You got the neighbor kid to do one of your two chores and now it’s her responsibility to decide when it needs mowed and call the kid, on top of doing everything else. She’s doing way too much as it is and you do nothing anymore.
Yta why does she have to do all of the mental/ emotional labor ? Call the kid yourself
YTA throwing out the garbage and mowing the lawn are chores for teenaged boys. You were lucky to have one of them taken off your hands and you’re still complaining? Sounds like your wife is a SAHM to 3 kids. Grow up.
YTA - big time
YTA. My wife is a stay at Home Wife. Kids have all grown and gone. I work 45 + hours a week amd she doesn't work. I still mow the lawn.
two chores and one is done by someone else. Either get the kids number and call him yourself or set the lawnmowing up on a schedule.
YTA You have to remember that your wife homeschools your kids. That’s literally 3 times the workload of a SAHM. It’s very easy to lose track of things doing what she does.For heaven’s sake, be understanding and help her out more
I'm going to also post the comic from another post, to help you understand (hopefully) what you're missing in understanding by making this post:
YTA. Why dont you just tell the kid to mow every 2 or 3 weeks?
YTA and fucking lazy LOL. The “I talk to them less and she talks to them more so she should call them” is the stupidest excuse I’ve heard so far LOL
yTA literally your wife is carrying all the emotional load the the family and now you want her to take on another chore instead of you hiring the kid yourself? Smh
YTA. Do you not walk past the same lawn at least twice a day? Writing this all out probably took more energy than just setting up a schedule with that kid.
Why don’t YOU schedule a lawn care company to cut your grass on the regular?
Why don’t you just have it on a schedule like every 10 days or two weeks
Wow. This is an insanely unfair division of labour.
Wife does literally every single house chore. Your chores are taking out the trash and mowing the lawn, and you were flaking in that enough that she offered help.
Wife also does all the education and raising of the children.
If her job is staying home to take care of an educate your children, that is her full time job. Cleaning the house and other homes chores should be 50/50.
She’s doing two full time jobs that take up 24/7 of her life and you’re working a normal 40 hour/week job without having to do a single thing at home.
Occasionally picking up groceries or “helping” is NOT contributing equally to your home.
YTA if it's that big of a deal because she knows him then take her phone and send a text. The struggle for you is so much, I can't imagine how you make it through taking out the trash.
Seriously?? Do you think your wife has all day to watch the grass grow. I'm sure many SAHM or parents especially with multiple kids can tell you with everything that is going on (especially your wife is also home schooling) the days just go by so quickly & many things that are not the day to day things get unnoticed.
Step up and keep an eye on it yourself, it's so easy. Your wife has to deal with everything else in the house on her plate and from what little you had she took off yours to free your time off. YTA
You know what would be even better with those few hours you don't have to mow the lawn, you take over looking after the kids and let your wife have undisturbed time to herself to do whatever she wants to do. Because your job might be paying the bills however your wife works 100% more then you.
YOu are literally punishing her for being nice.
She had an idea to help you out with one of your chores and instead of being grateful, you saw it as an opportunity to just give the chore to her.
If you were still mowing the lawn, would you also expect her to tell you when to mow it? Only because she thought she would help you, you saw an opportunity t o take full advantage.
You saw her offer of help as a foot in the door to add another chore to her list.
DO you not also walk in and out of the same house?
YTA, call him yourself or cut the damn grass man.
PSA: Taking out the trash is not a chore, dude.
Unless you’re a nurse working 12+ hour shifts, or working hard labor in the heat, you need to pick up a few more responsibilities, it seems like outside of working she literally does everything for you and your family. Pretty sad.
You can’t be serious.
YTA you understand your wife does a full time job as well. And her job is just as taxing as yours and saves you money. A SAHM does so much not to mention she homeschools your kids as well so add teacher to that list. And did every chore in the house but the lawn and the trash and took one of those from you to help you out.
You have it made right now. Pull up your big boy pants on and get the number and set it up. Your poor over worked wife
YTA. You have two chores. Your wife does the rest. She’s suggesting a helpful thing so you have ONE chore. The least you can do is get the number from your wife and literally text this kid to come cut your lawn for you. My goodness, please be an adult and take a little bit of responsibility.
YTA. I'm not understanding why you can't just tell her? She probably figures that since you mow the grass, that you have a better grasp on when it should be cut. She's raising your kids dude, the least you could do is just look out the window and give her a heads up that she should call soon.
you live there, too. why dont you just notice what things need to be gotten from the grocery store and just get them when they're needed? you are so beyond the line it's embarrassing. you cant even complete your minimal tasks without making her take all the mental effort out for you like a baby. look up "the mental load" because you should thank your lucky stars she's somehow willing to accommodate you to this ridiculous level instead of cutting her losses. honestly. i can't emphasise enough how much YTA
YTA!!!! She's basically a single mom raising these kids based on your tone of voice and lack of help.
I did two days of childminding without a break (other than the kids being in school, which is when I cleaned the kitchen) and found that hard to manage.
Your kids are homeschooled and basically home all the time and yet you fail to even help her mow the lawn or call a kid to mow it for you. Arghhhh. Men.
YTA. She's helping you by taking a chore off your plate. All you have to do is tell her when.
YTA and are you serious? I'm like are you serious serious???
YTA. since mowing the grass is your chore, you should be taking care it, whether that means doing it yourself or coordinating it w the neighborhood kid
Yta. Your wife already does everything else, and she agreed to out source one of the two jobs you actually have around the house. Tell her when the grass needs to be mowed so she doesn't have to do everything for you.
YTA. I don’t think she pretends not to see how tall the grass has gotten. It’s just not a major concern for her. Since your chore is to maintain the lawn, it should be your responsibility to call the person cutting your lawn. It’s the least you can do since you won’t actually be cutting the grass.
set up with the kid to either text them or to do it regularly (biweekly?)
Then, find a couple more chores to do regularly... just doing the trash is not contributing meaningfully to the household chores.
YTA. Get the phone number and call yourself
If I was your wife I’d tell you that the kid can’t do it anymore and it’s bCk to you.
YTA. You sound like a spoiled brat and lazy af
YTA. It’s your job and it’s being pawned off and you still don’t want to do it.
YTA. Text the kid yourself ffs
YTA for trying to maximize how much of this you can dump on her. *You* could just get the kid's number from her – shouldn't be difficult, seeing as you live together – and then *you* could call or text the kid whenever you want him to mow. And then you would still be handling your own chore without leaving it on the shoulders of the woman who already handles nearly everything else that goes on at home.
Good lord! I have a feeling weaponized incompetence is in play here...really? You can't get the kid's number (or his mom's) and shoot them a quick text. I hired a kid to do the lawn (we were in the process of moving and needed to keep the yard nice looking). Got the kid's info, texted, met with him and said mow every week unless you hear differently. He texted when he was done and venmoed the money. It's not rocket science
YTA how hard is it to get his number from her? How hard is it to just tell her once a week, or be even more specific just every saturday
Do you go to the store when the milk is low? Do you do a load of laundry when she falls behind? Do you clear the table if your wife gets sidetracked doing other things? You have 2 household jobs and your mommy… I mean wife helped you unload one of them but you can’t be arsed to help make it happen. Of course YTA. You’re supposed to be a partner not another chore for your wife. Do better.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I could be the asshole, because she does do a lot. I just get frustrated when the grass gets so high because it seems like she pretends she doesn't see it.
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YTA. How hard is it to say ‘hey honey, give the lawn mowing kid a call today could you, grass is getting long?’ It took me all of 3 seconds to type it, and I have arthritis.
YTA - lemme show you how its done:
You: 'The grass looks a bit long, I think it needs a cut'
Your wife: 'Thanks for letting me know, I'll message the kid.'
Seriously not that difficult. This is the *least* you could do.
Shit bro. Why don't you just get your wife to mow the lawn?
Btw, you're the AH.
Why don’t you just have a set day for when the neighborhood kid comes by to mow the lawn? Like the first Saturday of every month?
geez. how did you ever know when to mow the grass back when it was your responsibility?
Maybe use those same skills.
YTA - Get his number and call him when he needs to come over. The end.
If it’s not that big of a deal to just notice, then why are you making it a big deal for you to notice and let her know? Who cares if she “could” do it, she’s telling you being in charge of one more things is too much. So stop whining and just do this very simple task to make her life easier. YTA
Why don't you just have him mow the lawn on a schedule?
Do you tell her when you need your ass wiped too?
Yes, YTA. You say it's weird to text the kid that mows your lawn, why? Is it because you're actually a creep, or is it because it's just another thing around the house you think your wife should take care of?
Are you a tight-ass that won't have the grass cut unless it definitely grows a certain amount? Why the fuck can't you just have the kid cut it every week on a certain day? YTA
YTA. It’s called mental load and women tend to bear the most of it. Look it up. The grass needs to stay on your mental load not hers.
YTA. Ever heard of the mental load? She’s doing it all and only asking for one thing. You have two chores and she has two full time jobs. Poor form dude. You should be thanking her for trying to make your life easier.
Yta so badly
YTA. Weaponized incompetence is one hell of a thing.
YTA. Just showed my husband and he said he would never do that, thank goodness!!
YTA. You are adding an extra task to your wife’s list and can’t even be bothered to tell her the grass needs to be cut
Are you serious here? You have VERY minimal responsibilities outside of your job, and you think it’s too much to ask of you to tell your wife when the grass needs mowing? Do YOU notice what groceries you guys need or do you expect her to do that? From your post it sounds like she has to do that too. She was kind enough to suggest that you offload some of what are already super light responsibilities, you can talk to the damn neighbor yourself, stop using the excuse that you don’t know the neighbor. YTA. You should be taking MORE of the load, not less.
YTA. Just get the kid’s number and text him or set up a biweekly schedule.
Yta- seriously guy- how about being a partner and put in some time into the house and kids-
I’d of lost my mind by now & had a come to Jesus with you..
She already does so much! Why does she need to take over the mental load for your lawn chore as well? She offered to call the neighbors kid not to take full responsibility for the chore. YTA.
Think of it like this: she lets you know when she needs you to stop by the store to pick up groceries. You let her know when to have the neighbor kid come mow the lawn. It's the same thing
And yeah, YTA
YTA. Massively. Her mental load is HUGE. she asked you to do TWO things and then TOOK ONE OFF YOUR PLATE. She probably has to remember when appointments are, what groceries you need, when bills need to be paid, when the last time to toilet was cleaned, whose clothes are getting too small, and what to make for dinner every night. Take one thing for your wife. Stop treating her like its her job to manage your whole life. Going to work isn’t enough. Just tell her when to get the grass cut.
Yta. Literally get the number from her and tell the kid to show up once a week on x day. Tell him it's a steady gig. Like wtf just grow up show him how to get into the yard or have him send you a text. Getting to your house today. But you 100% should be the one communicating with the kid not her.
Gee, we have our cutter come weekly in summer and then back it off on a schedule. Seems pretty easy to work out a schedule with her by holding a conversation.
YTA…jeez if it bothers you that much to call the kid, then mow the dam lawn yourself!
Wow, YTA here. That woman does everything for you and your kids but you cant pick up the phone to call the kid to come mow your lawn? You try handling everything she has to on a daily basis.
She is already doing so much, yet you still complained. Your wife offered a solution to cut your measly 2 chores down. Now instead of having to mow the lawn, all you have to do is call a kid to do it?
Be an adult. Ask for the kids number and schedule the lawn to be mowed. Your edit only makes this worse. By this logic, you know you live there and can see when the laundry or dishes need to be done, why don’t you just do them? See it’s not about that, it’s about the to do list.
Love the suggestion someone else made to take two weeks off work while she volunteers and you do everything she does now - 24/7 childcare plus maintaining your entire household. I guarantee you it will completely change your perception of the current imbalance. (Hint, your wife is doing well way more than you are on a daily basis with no break.)
YTA. Come on now.
Such a big AH, wtf. Grow up, just tell her when the lawn needs mowing. It takes a minute
You have like 2 chores and you’re complaining that she didn’t take one of them away from you? YTA.