By - ProfessionJolly6203
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) i didn't stick up for my girlfriend when she told my niece and nephew about periods and my sister told her to stop talking about it
(2) i might be an asshole because i could've just told her she tried her best instead of telling her she was wrong and my sister was right.
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NTA she shouldve stopped, especially since she isnt equipped with the tools to teach kids how to deal with such things. Also, your GF needs to learn how to flush, how do you forget to flush...
It's the only time she ever forgets to. Says she forgets sometimes because she is too busy taking care of herself. Which I mean I get that but still.
I can get that if it’s just you and her home but not with two 4 year olds around…
And, even if the 4 year olds weren't there, they were still at someone else's house using someone else's bathroom.
Yeah how do you forget to flush at other peoples homes……?
Seriously! I triple check the toilet before I leave the bathroom in public to make sure I flushed.
You can explain the concept of periods to a preschooler. I explained it to my older son at that age when he found my wrapped-up pad in the trash can. I told him that when a girl grows up her body is ready to make a baby. It prepares itself every month for a baby but if there isn't one that stuff goes bad like milk left too long in the fridge. The body cleans itself out and that's what that blood is. It's totally normal.
That being said, the GF shouldn't have done it because it wasn't her place to do so.
Yes. Normalize periods, even for kids. My cousin got hers at 8 years old.
But parents should be respected in regards to what their kids are being taught.
Exactly. The key part of my explanation is that **it's totally normal**. I tell my sons if I'm feeling lousy or cranky because I'm having my period. I know my older son is hetero and I want him to not act like a jerk when his future girlfriend has her period.
I love that. It is super important for boys to understand periods too.
Especially when they’re saying “please stop, you’re terrifying our children” while the children are crying and terrified.
My 3.5 year old is starting to understand periods (but only because he will barge in to the bathroom will I'm in there). My 3.5 year old understands that one a month mum uses a adult 'nappy' (pad) and it's called a period. I want my son to grow up understanding that it's normal and not gross. However, I do not go onto explain to other people's children as that is their choice, that's AH territory. I'd understand if the girl was 10 and saw pads and the girlfriend pointed it out without thinking but at 4 with children that's not her own And with parents asking her to stop? That's AH behaviour. OP is NTA. He was respecting his sister's parental boundaries.
Absolutely, this. I was about this age when I found discarded maxi pads in the garbage and like these twins, was scared for my Mom. She calmly explained what was happening, it totally reassured me, and I couldn't have been more than 3 or 4. My Mom never kept us in the dark about body stuff. It's better that they know and to be real.
It sounds like you have a great mom.
I’m stealing your explanation! This is brilliant!
Can I steal this explanation? Lol this is a great way to explain it!
You're welcome to it.
I'm going to save this and use it with my kids.
I told my 3 or 4 year old when he asked (I was buying products). He was in no way traumatised by an age appropriate explanation. It did not occur to me that he would take it on himself to educate the other kiddies at his preschool until his shocked preschool teacher told me about it. The kiddies themselves were apparently unfazed.
Could easily just say oh! Someone must have had a nosebleed! Quick and easy
Have you ever seen a toilet when someone is on there first or second day of there period its not a damn nose bleed it's a crime scene.
Oh dude dw I know, but the kid is literally 4 years old. My little brother he's four, he wouldnt know to question whether it looks like a nosebleed or not because thats one of the only way he knows that blood can just drip out of someone without them being hurt.
Exactly like, its not that serious, a 4 yr old is not going to know the difference.
You should see my friend during a nosebleed. It comes on suddenly, with force and bleeds continuously until they produce a clot. Its horrific. They end up covered in blood if they don't have enough tissues at the time, def looks like a crime scene when they're done haha.
What i'm thinking is that she wanted to have that kind of talk with them speaking from personal experience here but you don't forget to flush or wipe the seat down so maybe she wanted to talk about it
Especially when you’re on your period! If someone forgets to flush when it’s just pee it may not be noticeable BUT blood! You can’t miss that! And beyond that it’s just unsanitary…
The blood from inside the toilet won't jump at you - or be significantly less sanitary than poop.
However, I do agree with your other points.
I don’t get it even at home. No matter what I have going on, the last two things I do every single time I leave the bathroom are flush and wash my hands. Like clockwork. I wonder if she ‘forgets’ to wash her hands too since she’s ‘too busy taking care of herself’ smh
Sometimes if there's a drought the county will encourage not flushing if it's only pee: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." I imagine "red" falls into the same category as "brown."
I would imagine it would too.
Wait...do you mean that she sometimes forgets but only when she's on her period?
Yeah pretty much.
If she has done this more than once, she is just being lazy.
She's changing a tampon and her normal "pee, stand, flush" routine gets disrupted. If she closes the lid of the toilet it's even easier to forget. It may not be fantastic but it's a perfectly reasonable explanation for a whoopsie.
Yea agreed i forget to flush on my period sometimes because its not the normal routine its not laziness or maliciousness Jeeze Louise.
I have adhd and do this so often, quite often will walk away and then have to go back and check because I can’t even remember doing it as I have a routine for everything and it didn’t happen
ADHD also has this fun mood: *checks 4 times in case I didn't check well enough the first two times or my eyes tricked me and flushes again in the end anyway*
I do not have ADHD (if anything, the opposite symptom wise) and I still have to do that from time to time. 😬
I personally am more fastidious during my period. 🤔
It's because the hormonal changes can temporarily amplify your ADHD symptoms during your period.
It also happens during pregnancy and the menopause. Autistic traits can be affected in a similar way too.
Yup. Me too
I don't always forget to flush, but when I do I'm on my period. 🍺
Yeah, it’s a gross thing, but it’s a thing. A coworker just confessed to doing this.
It’s happened to me a couple times too. I use a cup so if I go wash it out in the sink, put it back in and wash my hands, it’s very easy to forget to walk back to the toilet and flush.
It’s not a frequent occurrence but it happens. Not that big a deal.
Not all of our brains work the same, you know. Repetative things in my head are hard to remember. Did I do it 2 minutes ago or am I remembering when I did it a hour ago?
Oh my god, yes. Also personally I have to confirm with someone if something happened or if I dreamt it.
Oh, I get that sometimes, too.
Trippiest thing ever was when I sleepwalked this one time and woke up like, "What a weird dream," and then, no, it had happened.
I can't even imagine. All of my dreams are realistic in some sense. Almost like they're occurring in a parallel universe. And they'll randomly pop into my head, like a memory, and here's the thing: I know that it wasn't a dream I had last night. I can have a vague sense of how long ago I had it and it can be months.
I hate the "I didn't know I was pregnant" dreams. Like you're sat at work and suddenly remember that you had an unexpected baby last night which you've left in a shoebox on your desk, which will be getting full sunlight and incredible heat soon. Plus it's clearly been hours since it was fed since you slept enough to forget you had a baby before coming to work. Or the baby was a dream. I mean, it probably was a dream, but do you really want to take that risk? If the baby cries then security may let themselves in after they get a complaint and no answer from you, but if they don't then you're going back to a dead baby. That's if it wasn't a dream. How can you excuse yourself from work to check? What could you possibly say? Lunch is X amount of time away, can you get home and back in that time to find out if you had a baby last night? Will the baby survive until then?
It was ages later when I was telling a friend about this that I realised the lack of pain in my vagina was a good enough answer.
I'm sorry, are you trying to say you don't forget things?
What the hell is she doing? Having your period sucks but it's not rocket science.
It might depend on the toilet, but sometimes when I flush when on my period the blood creeps back after. It doesn't look the same as if you didn't flush but I guess it's just easier to say "oh sorry I must have forgot to flush"
Meaning she goes in there to change her pads only. Not to pee. And you sometimes forget to check for splash damage when you didnt actually use the toilet.
I call bullshit on that excuse. I've been having periods for 26 years and don't forget to flush the damn toilet just because I have to do some extra hygiene at the time. ESPECIALLY at someone else's house.
Neither do I but all people are different? Are you insinuating she deliberately doesn’t flush during her period? Geesh. People forget things. Not a huge deal.
Right? All these people are calling her gross and implying this is malicious. Why would she even do this on purpose? Being too lazy to flush the toilet isn't a thing, it's one motion that involves no effort. She just forgets occasionally, chill.
I have ADHD and sometimes have forgotten to flush because I probably have been distracted by something. It barely happens but it has before.
I think your gf is the ah in this situation, but to be fair, and just so you know, even if you flush, sometimes there is still blood in the toilet bowl that you can't see until after the flush has finished (and sometimes it even comes back after the flush looks clear!). So it can be easy to accidentally leave some blood there even if you have cleaned up after yourself normally.
Does she actually forget, or does the blood just persist after flushing? Because as a period haver I can say blood really is thicker than water, and if there's heavy bleeding it doesn't always flush away fully.
Few times she's been over to my place, I'll go in and lid is up, clumps all in the bowl looking like a murder scene. Also telling is not hearing the toilet flush, can hear it easy in my apartment lol
Dude, your gf is gross. She’s 30 and not flushing the toilet which is super basic. I call BS that a period makes her forget. Most women get periods and we don’t forget to flush. Also, she also has an issue with boundaries by arguing with your sister after she was asked to stop. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that.
NTA. And no. There's no excuse for forgetting. When you have your period, you check everything. Once in a blue moon forgetting is OK. But every time, is not.
If anything I personally when I’m on mine I’m even more aware, check I didn’t leave some droplets on the wc etc..
Exactly. I bleed heavy, so I check everything before leaving the bathroom. My sister bleeds lightly and she does too.
I mean, to be fair I have heavy periods that gave me a severe iron deficiency, and ADHD, and I’ve forgotten to flush accidentally in unfamiliar/new/public places before, bc something has distracted me and thrown me off from my usual obsessive fifteen point period check routine of the bathroom after I’m done. I have no idea why, its not like it happens a whole lot. And sure it’s not every period but it is enough that my best friend has made fun of me for how many times I’ve bolted back to the store or restaurant bathroom bc I know I’ve forgotten or I can’t remember for certain whether or not I did, bc I can’t retrace my steps or my memory, and I have to make sure. But idk I’m always super embarrassed and apologetic and literally begging that no one else is in there or has seen it, bc it would be my worst nightmare. So something still feels kinda off about the gf for that reason.
He didn’t say she forgets every time she’s on her period. He said when she forgets it’s cause she’s on her period.
>Also, your GF needs to learn how to flush, how do you forget to flush...
I use a menstrual cup and I can tell you that sometimes even flushing 3 times will not remove all the blood.
Well, do you leave it there in other people’s houses or do you get in there with some tp? Cause that’s the issue.
No, it's just that people assume she completely forgot to flush, and I'm saying maybe she closed the lid, flushed and left the bathroom, but some blood still remained, because it happens sometimes.
Yeah, the sister isn't teaching her kids that periods are bad, because her kids don't know what periods ARE! They can't think something is bad if they don't know what it is yet...
the kids were already freaked out by the blood, that just wasn't the moment for them to be able to back their thoughts up and start over with a clear explanation. Girlfriend should have just said something like "Yeah, I'm bleeding a little bit right now, but it's alright, it doesn't hurt me, it just happens sometimes. Thanks for being worried about me, but I'm alright!"
(And then apologized to your sister for forgetting to flush.)
I have a 4 & 7yo, and they can totally understand stuff like this, I'm not saying they shouldn't have this stuff explained to them... but when they're already upset because they believe someone is injured and hurting, the thing to do is to comfort them that no one is hurt right now, then later, explain what was happening!
If anyone is ever in this situation, blame it on a nosebleed. Kids usually know about that and it requires no further explanation except maybe “I was holding my nose over the toilet to keep it off the floor”. If the kids were older it’s be a different story.
Why, though? My 2 and 4 year old know about periods because they are natural, it's way more disturbing that your nose randomly starts bleeding than that female bodies have a natural cycle so we can have babies. My 4 year old daughter has 2 little sibling so she understands everything about female bodies in an age appropriate way.
She also needs to listen. They told her they needed to explain in a way a 4 year old would understand not shame someone for having a period.
I KNOW RIGHT!? My sister forgets to flush sometimes and my family thinks it’s just her ADHD. I have ADHD too and have only forgotten to flush like 10 times TOP in my whole life.
How do you forget to flush when you're on your period at someone else's house?
She could've said "I'll let your Mommy or Daddy explain that to you one day, but no, I'm fine, everything's fine, don't be scared"
I think this woman meant well but a lot went wrong here
NTA, why would she not flush anyway. Gross. She could’ve easily said oh I was bleeding and changed the subject easily.
If someone tells me "oh it's alright, I'm just bleeding" I would be hella worried. Especially if I hadn't known about periods.
Well you’re not a 4 year old though are you
Would a 4 years old be "OK cool"?
You can literally say anything, oh my finger bled, oh my toe bled, oh I got a nose bleed. I’m ok now, let’s go play with the toys and get in the water. Done.
If you tell them it’s just a boo boo or something? Yeah. Yeah they would. Hell my 3 yr old sometimes thinks one of the freckles on my arm is a boo boo. Sure, I’ve told her I was on my period and mommy is ok blah blah blah but she’s my kid. I got to make that decision. Not someone else. And even if I wanted to explain it to her, there’s no way she would understand.
My 4 year old would have definitely kept asking questions, which is why I gave him an accurate, but vague explanation.
He needed to know that I wasn’t in pain & we did not have to go to the doctor, then we all moved on.
Yeah what the lol my 3 year old daughter knows all about it for that same reason!
(Very random aside: Am I the only one who thought of Dylan because of the wording here?)
No, not The Who, Bob Dylan!
(For the young'uns: Dylan had a song titled "It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding." The first sentence of this post is an Abbott and Costello joke by way of Animaniacs.)
why should she lie to the kids?
The period is nothing bad
Because they’re 4, don’t understand what a period is, and aren’t her children.
It's this weird line where OP's GF shouldn't have to lie about her bodily functions, but OP's sister is right to have her own boundaries about when her kids learn things. I'm not 100% sure what the exact right answer is, especially with it being an impromptu, unplanned situation.
ETA: she should have probably just said "your mom and dad will explain it to you" so she didn't have to lie and put the ball in the parent's court.
Your GF was an A because: a) she forgot to flush. Ew. b) The kids were scared and she didn't stop. c) She was asked to stop and she didn't stop, and d) she's not seeing her contribution to the problem, long after the situation has passed.
At 29, she ought to know that there's a time and a place for certain conversations.
You made the right call.
She should of just stopped when asked to. The kids are only 4 year olds. They aren't going to be able to understand the concept of periods, at least definitely not in the way your gf tried to explain. Also who forgets to flush when using someone else's restroom...?
Thank you! I live alone and don't flush #1 at night so I don't disturb my neighbour but, holy fudge, you're at someone's home.... that's nasty not to flush.
You … don’t flush your toilet at night because it might disturb your neighbor? What? I mean I get trying to be courteous, but not flushing your toilet at night because it does (or could) disturb someone (especially someone not even in your own home) for the fraction of a minute it flushes and fills, is just an insane way to live.
I mean it’s not really an insane way to live. I don’t flush the toilet at night either.
I would not want to disturb someone’s sleep.
My sister sleeps in the bedroom next to the bathroom I use. _Time to flush the toilet five times in a row, turn the sink on full blast, and slam the door on my way out!_
My dad does that to me. And also turns on the hallway lights with both bedroom doors open so my mom and I wake up. I’m going insane. There’s not even a full wall between the toilet and my room because there’s been a hole there for the 10 years we’ve lived here and I have a bookshelf hiding it.
Yikes, I'm so sorry... Have you tried stuffing towels or rags in the hole, to perhaps help muffle the noise?
I’m scared to. Apparently the last owners had to cut a huge hole in the drywall for a plumber to fix the toilet. So there’s a bunch of exposed pipes and wires. My mom keeps pushing for me to remodel my room but I can’t move those bookcases because I’m not having that hole exposed for a cat to get in, or dust to escape into my room. I’ve been forced to wear earplugs now for years, even though they hurt my ears. It’s… fine
That is most definitely *not* fine... Tell your mom you can remodel if it all starts with patching that hole. Hell, patch that hole, regardless! That can't be safe for you, if you're worried about dust...
A lot of people don't flush pee at night. Sometimes, during droughts, counties are told to only flush poop to avoid wasting water.
Your girlfriend is obnoxious.
NTA. While I absolutely support teaching proper sex-ed and basic biology, a four year old isn't really able to understand what they're being told in that regard. A simple, everything is okay, would have been enough. And, a parent has the right to decide what their extremely young children get to learn.
Exactly this! It wasn’t her place to be telling them that. Edit- NTA.
NAH and I’m a little bit shocked at the misogyny on some of these responses. Why shouldn’t a four year old know about periods? My three year old does and she is not scared about it. She knows I bleed sometimes and that she will do when she is older and she isn’t scared at all. Why should we be hiding a natural body function that all girls go through like it’s something to be ashamed of?
But I do understand the parents not being happy as it is their responsibility to teach their children about their bodies. But seriously can we stop acting like having periods is shameful or dirty or something inappropriate. It’s not. It’s not like you’re teaching about sex, you don’t have to go that far at that age.
It's not about being shameful or dirty, it's more like that expecting these kids that were already frazzled to be receptive to that explanation RIGHT THE FUCK NOW BECAUSE FEMINISM. Great job, now they're scared even more. Way to go.
Maybe you can explain it to a kid, but the GF clearly can't. And she shouldn't override the parent's wishes and continue despite repeatedly being asked to stop. It's disrespectful to the parents, regardless of the topic and the gender of the people involved.
As a parent I'd be ticked and thinking "you're making my child more upset. This is not helping at all!"
Period talk is nbd if the kids are calm. But in that moment the kids saw blood and likely believed someone was hurt. Gf period talk should have been more of a "oh it's okay. I'm not hurt. I know it seems scary, but it's normal and okay." That's what those kids needed in that moment. Not "hey this thing you're really scared of right now- guess what! It's going to happen to you someday, too. Yay!!" 😂 seriously they way she went about it was not age appropriate given their current emotional state
plus, she isn't their parent! The parents know their kids better and can relate it to them better. Like you said; she explained it terribly, anyone would be terrified hearing that
How did they acted like having a period is shameful? They just asked to be let to explain to *their own children*, their own way. There are places, times and ways for everything and you are not being shamed if you're asked to shut up, because it's the wrong time/place.
Idk, it seems less about shaming, more about being careful ABOUT BLOOD around 4 years old. Like come on, kids can EASILY pick up phobias about blood, regardless of you are talking about periods, nose bleeds or blood draws.
If I told a four year old I knees abt periods I can only think she’d be scared because children think of blood as something that comes with pain or an injury no matter how u try and explain it to them tbh
Well my three year old didn’t freak out. She just asked one day when I accidentally left some blood in the toilet as it has an annoying habit of bringing back stuff that’s been flushed at times. I just said to her that mummy bleeds from her lady parts every month and its normal and that when she is older it will happen to her as well. She just totally accepted it. My SIL told my niece too when she was little and asked and she also didn’t freak out about it. It’s all about how you handle the situation
I agree with your entire original comment.
Not her place to talk about it when the parents asked her not but HOLY. All the 'dirty', 'gross' comments are unreal.
Talking transparently and appropriately with kids based on their age is what helps them in the end.
I think they're saying it's dirty and gross because she didn't flush not because she was on her period. I would think it was gross if someone didn't flush regardless of whether it was period blood or a floater they left behind in the toilet. It's just common courtesy to flush.
IDK why AITA always chooses 'period blood isn't gross' as a hill to die on. If you're leaving dirty pads or drips of blood anywhere that is vile. It's vile. It isn't misogyny to think it's vile.
I don't get it either. Yes it's natural and not inherently gross but that doesn't mean you shouldn't clean it up or flush. Shits natural but I don't want to see it floating or all over a toilet seat. Same with pee completely natural and sterile but that doesn't mean I want to see it in a toilet because someone was too lazy to flush or on the toilet seat. I'm a woman but that doesn't mean I want to deal with other women's blood or clean up after them, it's just common courtesy flush the damn toilet.
It isn't age appropriate and beyond that if she literally said 'people bleed when they grow up' then that's majorly fucked because A. She didn't say why or from where. From the kids perspective the could be bleeding out the eyeballs. B. She didn't say females, she said people, which means the boy twin will think it's coming to him too??
Agree, finally, it's not like she took it upon herself to dish out sex Ed. It happened because she was caught in a situation that caused fear by lack of education. If they knew it was normal, it wouldn't be scary. If it was my kid I would have chimed in and helped explain.
NTA, she should’ve stopped when asked.
NTA. She sounds insufferable and I applaud your patience
NTA and your girlfriend is old enough to know that 4 year olds are too young for period talk. It’s not shaming, it is age inappropriate. She needs to apologize to your sister.
A 4yo is not too young for basic period talk. My wife has had the talk with our 3yo without issues. It’s obviously not an in-depth conversation about female biology, but enough for him to understand that mom sometimes bleeds from her vagina, and that she’s fine.
That being said, it’s not anyones place to override a parents decision. If they asked OP’s girlfriend to stop, she should have stopped. Period.
Well I think a lot of 4 year old girls would be terrified of blood coming out of them. Your situation isn’t really comparable since the son doesn’t have to worry about it.
OP’s situation included both a boy and a girl.
For my situation, we’ll do the same with our daughter. Keep it neutral and very “matter of fact”. It’s not like my wife will then tell her in a menacing voice “and it will happen to you! Muahahaha”
NTA. She was asked to stop and was told they would address it with the kids later. She chose to carry on even when the kids were distressed by what she was saying. Her actions were disrespectful towards your family, and for the record, their response doesn't sound anything like shaming; just wanting to explain to the kids later on and probably with age appropriate resources.
Reading the comments it’s become clear to me that the majority of people do NOT close the toilet lid before they flush and that’s absolutely repulsive! It’s so easy to forget to flush when you shut the lid and continue to replace your tampon/pad or use a baby wipe!
And in what alternative universe are toddlers not walking in on their mom while she’s in the bathroom? Would love to meet these polite children! Most toddlers have walked in on their mom on the toilet while she’s on her period and the appropriate time to talk to kids about periods is not a specific age or maturity level but when it comes up. Which it did.
Hahaha the last part reminds me of my mom having to explain to my brother what a period is when he was little because he was shoving his fingers under the door because “mom is hiding candy from us in the bathroom” after he heard the tampon wrapper 😂
This comment right here… it’s extremely easy to forget to flush
Wait so you pee/remove your tampon, flush, and then stand up, replace your tampon and/or use a cleansing wipe? Sounds weird to me.
4 year olds are not toddlers.
NTA but your GF is an idiot
NTA, ur gf didn't respect the wishes of your niece and nephew s parents. That is the most important part here. 4yrs old is too young to understand about periods. For ur gf to take a stand saying things like your sister and bil are making their children view "periods are bad, shaming her and women in general for having periods and demonizing women " is just such a huge overreaction. The children are 4 not 14. She scared 4yr old children for no reason, thats not cool. There's an appropriate time and place for all conversations. She should have stopped the first time she was asked, apologized to the kids, ur sister and bil. Her need to "stand up for women's rights " at the time and place was an AH move.
The irony is she’s accusing them of period shaming, but those kids are now going to remember this negative experience and associate it with periods in the future. All thanks to her.
I explained the basics of menstruation to my kids before they were even 4-young kids can absolutely understand the concept in an age appropriate and non-scary way. I actually think this information is best introduced really early.
In this situation, it was inappropriate of the GF to continue after the parents asked her to stop.
> The children are 4 not 14.
Most people start their periods before 14.
10-12 seemed to be the range for most of my peers. And I did know someone who was 8; not super common but not super rare either.
This situation was executed poorly but you absolutely need to explain them before age 10 (hoping you just put 14 for simplicity's sake tho!)
ESH I think. She isn’t wrong for trying to explain, but she clearly wasn’t prepared to talk about it with kids that young. She also isn’t wrong that they are making it seem shameful and off limits. You maybe could’ve supported her because she wasn’t trying to cause harm.
I am mom to an almost five year old. Sometimes he still has to go with me or just insists on going with me to the bathroom (has to bring like rest stops on highway with no other adults and insists at bedtime when it’s darker and he wants to be together). This means he sees blood sometimes when I have my period. I explain it as how some people who have vaginas and uteruses have their period each month, which means there is some bleeding, but they aren’t hurt and it’s normal.
It does sound like your sister maybe needs some materials for early childhood on gender/sex/body parts because some of this just comes up when talking about this normally. I recommend Being You: A First Conversation About Gender.
NTA. Your gf was the one weaponizing her period. Those kids are 4 years old, and they aren't hers. She had *zero* right to say anything!
Also, who doesn't flush, *especially* when they have their period?? Gross!
I felt like the whole thing was deliberate somehow including the not flushing.
NTA It's not for her to tell other people how to raise their kids.
Not the men in the comments who can never figure out how to close a lid, put a seat down, or dry up their own piss being absolutely shocked bc someone forgets to flush while they're busy taking care of something else.
I cannot believe the number of people who are acting like forgetting to flush is an unforgivable crime.
Considering how often she hasn’t done it at their place it kind of is.
NTA. My kids knew about periods at that age but your gf clearly isn’t able to explain it to 4 year olds without scaring them. She could have passed it off as a nose bleed if your sister didn’t want them to know. It’s not on her to parent those kids. For all she knew one of them could have a blood phobia or anything (one of my kids does). It isn’t on her to tell them - and that doesn’t mean OP or the sister/BIL are shaming women’s bodies, just that some 4 year olds aren’t mentally mature enough to understand or handle hearing about periods yet. She needed to shut up when she was told and leave it to their parents.
NTA. Your GF exceeded her boundaries.
NTA. It's best to deal with kids' questions about anatomy or sex etc in the most open and positive way possible for their age. The operative words here being "for their age".
Your gf did a poor job flushing the toilet (eww), an even poorer job answering the kids' questions and then completely failed to respect any and all boundaries.
She's a complete AH sorry.
Nta - talks like that are best for parents, not someone who may not be around next year. See this as a warning sign of things to come.
She can't understand how boundaries work. Be careful.
Your gf is TA. That was so far out of line, it’s stunning.
All the people who think 4 year olds can't understand a simplified version of periods either don't have kids or really underestimate their capabilities (I have a 4 YO). It obviously varies from kid to kid but the amount of crap we hide from kids is insane. My 8 YO niece is just figuring out meat comes from formerly living animals.
That said, everyone raises their kids differently and you have to respect that. Mega interference on her part. Especially since she doesn't have a relationship with the kids. NTA.
NTA. Not her kids, not her choice to educate them. 4 years old is too young, they’d be more scared than anything i think. Also…flush the damn toilet, that’s disgusting.
yeah how tf do you forget to flush??? NTA
NTA. I am super period-positive and have talked to my own 4 year old about my period. but the key part there is it's MY OWN 4 year old. I'm their parent. No one else should be talking to my child about their vulva/vagina/uterus but their own parents or a medical professional!
NTA. She got way over her skiis here. They aren’t her children.
You and your family act like this is the end of the world and your GF doubled down on her mistake of not flushing.
My kiddos knew about periods from an early age because I am a female who has periods and they were attached to my hip and didn't let me go to the bathroom in peace. Also, there is NOTHING wrong with having periods and normalizing it is the way to deal with it with children.
She should have stopped when told to and my god explained so badly as well, poor 4 year old boy thinks he’s gonna get a period
NTA. I end up checking the toilet up to 3xs to make sure I flushed when im celebrating shark week.
NTA She was bad at explaining it.
NTA. Parents requested she stop, and she didn’t. Instead she criticized their parenting. A four-year-old doesn’t understand—and it sounds like the twins were further traumatized when she continued talking about it instead of letting the parents take over from there and determine an age-appropriate way to address their fears and explain biology.
NTA, she’s a grown adult who forgets to flush at someone else’s house!? They are also only 4 and their parents gets to decide when the appropriate time is to have that conversation.
I mean seriously. Who forgets to flush their bloody mess at someone else’s house. That is not normal
NTA, and your gf’s arguments were way off base.
1. Waiting for an appropriate age to explain things isn’t teaching that those things are bad.
2. Using age-appropriate manners of explanation isn’t “shaming” anyone for periods, let alone *all* women.
3. It’s not her place to usurp benchmark parent-child conversations.
NTA - Your sister and BIL warned your gf to stop and let them take care of explaining to their children about periods. It’s not up to your gf to decide to parent your nephews/niece.
No one was shaming your gf for her period, they were shaming her for thinking she knew better than the kids’ parents.
NTA. First, an adult forgetting to flush in someone else's home? And then giving incorrect, half-information to 4-year-olds? And continuing to argue when the parent says to stop? Your gf was way out of line. This isn't about demonizing women, or natural body functions.
I wouldn’t say you “didn’t defend her” so much as she didn’t respect your family’s boundaries. It’s hard to defend someone when they have crossed a line.
If it were me and my nephews saw something like that, I would make a comment, similar to someone offered here of “bleeding now, happens sometimes, I’m okay.” And let the PARENTS handle what happens next.
It’s not my job to raise someone else’s kid.
Exactly. Why is one supposed to defend their partner when they clearly wrong and hurting or crossing the boundaries of people you love.
NTA and a HUGE red flag.
The fact that she is willing to go against the parents wishes like that right to their face just screams entitled biatch. Run Bro. Run away as fast as you can.
NTA some parents teach kids young and that's perfectly OK. Some wait until they're older, and thats ok too. I personally always planned to have a "teach em early" attitude, but in reality, my 6 year old (f) is completely freaked out by blood. The tiniest cut makes her panic so we have decided to wait and I'm very careful when my period comes so she doesn't see anything. I'm hoping in 2-3 years she will be more calm and we can discuss it. I absolutely do not want to have this conversation with her right now because it's just going to make her scared, I would be very upset if someone told her before I can find the best way to tell her myself.
My philosophy is: if it's not your kid, don't say anything. My neighbors kid yesterday asked me why her cats vagina is wet now that she's in heat, I said *Ask your mom*. She said *But don't you know why?* I said *Yes I do but that conversation needs to be with your mom and I am not your mom*.
My biggest issue though, what adult forgets to flush????? My 6 year old forgets sometimes and I get that, but *an adult?* **What? Why? How?**
NTA. Your gf needs to learn the difference between body shaming and kid appropriate behavior
NTA. And forgetting to flush in someone else's house is pretty gross.
NTA. GF needs to flush the toilet. Whether it’s a #1, #2 or #whatever, bodily fluids needs to be flushed. GF also needs to learn her place. These are not her kids, it’s not even her house, and she can’t seem to understand that if someone asked you to stop speaking, you don’t need to keep coming back with a (defense) she’s also not being biologically correct with the boy and giving him misinformation about his own body. Sorry but your GF doesn’t seem like a very self aware person. You may want to watch her in other situations to see how she really is.
Sure, there's nothing wrong with explaining periods to a person, but when they're 4 and clearly misunderstanding which is making them scared, it needs to stop.
Leaving a topic for a later time is not giving it a bad reputation or making it seem taboo, it's just not appropriate for the time.
Why does a grown ass woman forget to flush? That is the first thing she needed to do. she overstepped her bounds talking to 4 year olds about this, who were not her children. Your girlfriend was way out of line!
NTA. But your gf is YTA.
NTA. Not her place.
NTA. Your girlfriend went to somebody else's house and didn't flush, she despite not being a child educator decided to try and educate two four year olds and was asked to stop because she was doing a bad job of it, she then continued to press and also look to you to fight these two parents and bully them down into her continuing this inappropriate lesson that was already asked to stop. Your girlfriend is entirely out of line here.
You shouldn't have the back of somebody who is just calling you in as reinforcements to shout down at people who are being disrespected. Also the fact that she still insists that she is right and is trying to get you to feel bad about not having her back is a problem. You two need to talk this out and if she's not willing to apologize to your family and move on, you should take the hint that she just wants to continue to cause conflict.
Wow your girlfriend is nasty who forgets to flush when they have there visitor I always look behide and around cause that shit is annoying and then way scare those kids.
NTA that is a topic for bio parents to decide when appropriate not your gf. Some topics for other people's kids are off limits respect those boundaries or you'll get a fight which your gf did.
NTA your gf crossed a line
NTA Your gf was wrong, wrong, wrong. Forgetting to flush? In someone else's home? Really? Then the moment your sister told her to stop talking, your gf needed to shut up. No arguing. The parents have final say. This is not a case of abuse. Your gf may strongly disagree with the parents' approach to it but your gf's opinion on it doesn't matter.
NTA..but your gf should learn how to keep her mouth shut when a parent tells her to take a step back. I'm sure your Sis knows more about her own child than your gf, and when the time is right, the kid's will learn more about human anatomy, but for now, let the kids be kids.
Oh, the person who couldn’t even be bothered to flush a toilet in the first place wants to tell other people how to live? Ok. NTA. Your gf seems to not be in a reality in which parents have adult concepts to explain to very young children.
NTA, but your girlfriend is. Female here, and I just can’t fathom *not* carefully flushing at someone else’s house. Is it natural? Yes. Do I want to see someone else’s murder water or diarrheal explosion after they’ve used my toilet? Not in a million years! And I can’t picture any of my friends or family doing that and a) not cleaning up after themselves and b) not being profusely apologetic.
The fact that your girlfriend left sharkwater and freaked out your niece and nephew is not just rude, but to double down and proclaim nature and poorly explain to them periods, *and is still going on about it*, just wow!
Maybe niece or nephew have a blood phobia. Maybe your sister hasn’t had this discussion because some forms of birth control *do not* give you periods (hormonal IUD, hormonal implant), or maybe she wants to have a say in when and how to have that discussion. Regardless, your girlfriend is **massively** overstepping here.
Not her kids, not her place to explain, not a good guest leaving a mess in the bathroom. If I were your sister and BIL, I’d want an apology and reassurance that she’s not going to blow up the bathroom in the future.
Periods are normal bodily functions, but it’s not her place to talk to someone else’s kids about them. You’re NTA but your girlfriend is.
Your GF was out of line. Those aren't her children and she should have listened when the parents told her to stop.
NTA - I don't get where people think they have the authority to speak to other people's children about ANYTHING or discipline them. Entitlement makes me itch.
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My gf (29f) and I (27m) went to my sister;s house to spend time with her and her husband. They have 4-year-old twins, one girl, and one boy. We were going outside so the kids could play in the plastic kiddie pool. My gf went to use the bathroom. She came out and the kids went in after her to grab some of their toys from the tub to take outside. They came out crying and scared because the toilet had blood in it. My gf said "My bad I think I forgot to flush" and went right into telling the kids that it was fine, she was on her period and when people get old enough they have periods every month. This scared them both even more. My sister told her to stop talking because she was doing more harm than good and it was a topic for her and her husband to tackle in a way that's appropriate for 4-year-olds since they'd now have to explain sooner than they intended.
My gf argued with my sister that her attitude was teaching them that periods were bad. My bil also told her to stop and my GF looked to me and asked if I was okay with my sister and bil shaming her and women in general for their periods. I told her she was asked to stop and really needed to because she was being disrespectful. I apologized to my sister and told my gf it was best we leave. When we got in the car my gf was still going about how we were being immature about a perfectly normal bodily function and demonizing women for it. I told her that wasn't it at all- they're my sister's kids and it's on them to decide how they want to handle that conversation, and pointed out she told a 4-year-old boy he'd get a period when he was older. She's still bringing it up and telling me I should have had her back in that situation. Usually, I'm all for people taking up for their partners but in this case, she was asked to stop and was really doing a bad job explaining and she wouldn't relent. AITA?
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**”she told a 4-year-old boy he’d get a period when he was older”**
For that alone she’s TA. They are not her children, it is not her place. Don’t be surprised if your sister and BIL forbid her from ever being near their children again. She’s not even grown up enough to deal with her own personal hygiene properly in someone else’s house then decide she’s entitled to parent their children against their wishes. Then proceeds to scare them and give them wrong information. All that and she still won’t admit she’s wrong and blames you!!
Ok I just have to ask…is the sex really that good??? Because it looks like that’s the only thing your relationship has going for it. How many more of your family members is she going to alienate before you start thinking about her behavior and if it’s really worth it?
She might be right that the parents aren’t being totally body positive, but not her kids. NTA
Your girlfriend should have double and triple checked she flushed, especially being at someone else’s house with kids. But even so, she should have left it at “I forgot to flush, I’m so sorry”. It’s not her place to tell freaking 4 year olds about periods.
NTA honestly I didn’t even know what a period was until I was in the 4th grade. Public school let my parents know they were separating the boys and girls and going over bodily functions. This is when my mom told me so I wouldn’t be surprised at the presentation.
NTA. This was inappropriate for a four year old. And also just not her place.
NTA. Your girlfriend seems a bit unhinged. I guarantee that there are more things that she has said or done that were questionable. Better think again about this relationship, and not just bc of this specific incident.
NTA and your gf is wrong, and it sounds like she was out for a fight. Do such things happen regularly?
NTA What kind of person doesn’t flush in somebody else’s house?
NTA. They’re FOUR. WTF. Why does she think it’s OK to be talking about menstruation with someone else’s four years old kids? And to do it after she’s been asked to stop? And it all started because she left blood in someone else’s toilet????? Like really - WTF?
NTA Your Sister said stop and that's when your GF should've stopped