By - Aggravating_Tip_6415
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Regardless of her comment, my sister was well meaning and I responded by being flippant and rude instead of taking her concerns seriously.
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*YOUR* comment was unnecessary and rude??? Seriously? Your sister needs a mirror.
I N F O:
What’s wrong with being raised in an apartment?
EDIT: NTA Obviously.
My parents didn’t have their own place till I was almost a teen. They were stable and both worked. We bounced from rented place to rented place and finally lived with extended family for a bit before moving into our own place.
I can’t say it is necessary to have your own house before you have a child. Would it be ideal, sure. But definitely not necessary.
Nice to have your own place. But I doubt OP's husband chose to be laid off just before his 3rd child was born.
Bad bot! Comment stolen from u/witwefs1234
In my country (in Central Europe) it's super normal to live with your children in a rented apartment/cooperative housing. It is definitely NOT necessary to own a place before having children. (Otherwise my country would have died out by now)
Mine only managed to buy their first place when I was twelve. Guess my life sucked before that/s
I mean, at least in Germany, it's pretty normal to live in an apartment, "even" with kids. Where else do you live in a city? Yes, suburbs, but space is also limited there, plus you often need a car, which you don't necessarily need in the city. (Have been living in a bigger city for 15 years now, without a car.)
I think this is a language issue here, Americans call rented flats apartments and then they call owned apartments condominiums or condos.
I live in an apartment when I speak to Europeans but a condo when I speak to Americans.
O M G I did not know that you have just cleared up so many misunderstandings I've had with people from the US tysm
Yeah, it’s the same in Canada
Condos are different then apartments - which you can rent or own in the US. Condos have their own entrance while apartments have shared hallways.
Not necessarily. We live in a condo and it’s a shared entrance, elevator, etc.
And where do you even park your car if you work in the city?
Parking. Sucks. Everywhere.
I live in a smaller European country in a small city for 12 years now. During that time the amount of cars has risen so much. It is first come-first serve almost everywhere unless you have a private house with a large driveway. We sold our car last year and barely miss it.
Weirdly, everyone has ample parking space at work. Where I work the parking lot is barely half full on the busiest days, plus customer parking.
Even if you don't work in a city... Like, I work in a smaller city, so I commute "the wrong way around". My office has two reserved parking spots, but as you need a special access card for the garage, they're not first come first served. So the colleagues who come by car have to search for a parking spot in the streets close to the office.
And even if you live in the city and do have a car, a spot close to where you live isn't guaranteed. Where I live, you can buy a yearly permit from the city for less than 50€. But it only means that you don't have to pay hourly fees, it doesn't guarantee a spot. Or you can rent one close to where you live, which in my building is about 50€/month.
What my city does have, are parking lots close to highway exits right by a metro or tram station. So if you can't park at your work, you can park there and take the metro/tram/bus the last bit. Those parking lots are often free, too.
That's nice ! We don't have such parkings where I am near the metro. I think there are some cities that do have them but it's further in the suburbs and the price/number of places is really different from town to town.
50€ is really cheap for a parking in your building. I think the cost would be between double or triple in my area.
Can anyone ever be totally financially stable though? OP's husband lost his job, which for most people would mean not being able to make mortgage payments. It's not like they're homeless or hungry, they just live in an apartment.
As a single I obviously have it easier, but life without a car is not that difficult in a european city.
Married with children in a European city. We don't have a car, because we don't need it.
You leave your car at home and use public transport?
Came here to say this. Even here in Stockholm we live in apartments in the suburb. People who live in houses usually have more money. We also have no car. It’s normal to rely on public transportation even if you do have a car.
Not at all. I grew up in the states and my parents made me feel it was. But since living in a culture that mostly lives in apartments I have found it to be completely fine. My kids have a roof over their head and beds to sleep in. That’s all that matters.
I live about a 45 minute drive from New York City, in an expensive suburb. My husband commutes into Manhattan. Many of our friends live in NYC, in apartments, with their children. Their rent is more than our mortgage (which is a lot because, again, we live in an expensive community). I’ve never heard anyone say you shouldn’t raise kids in an apartment. So odd.
All this people in major cities looking at OP's sister with a confused look wondering if there are some houses under 5M they were not aware of or if they should have moved to the other side of the country where their job doesn't exist.
Exactly… in Europe it’s pretty common to live in an apartment. OP tell you sister that I, 23F, have lived my whole life in an apartment and I’m really fine😅
Maybe she looks down on *renting* as opposed to *owning*?
Either way, she was very condescending and naive.
Right i was raised in an apartment ubtil i was 7 when my parents finally got us a house
Some people even *prefer* to live in an apartment. You don't have to worry about saving money to re-roof the house one day, changing out a busted water heater, hiring someone to come service your leaking heat pump, hiring someone to dig up your backed up septic tank to pump it, mowing a lawn, fixing carburetors or changing out blades for the equipment you use to mow your lawn, making runs to a gas station with a gas can for your lawn equipment, storing your lawn equipment, maintaining a tool box for fixing and servicing all that equipment, fixing drywall. At some point pull up to Lowe's and realize you've lost count how many unplanned trips you've had to make there, and you ask yourself, "is this really worth it?"
I should know, I've done all of that before.
My eldest son and his wife live in an apartment with their two dogs. When/if they have kids they plan on looking for a condo with a small yard but have no desire to own a house. It was strange to me at first but now I can see the benefits, our house is money pit.
Yeah, paying rent you're paying someone else's mortgage, and it's money you won't get back. BUT, you're paying for all of those things to not be your problem. Plumbers, HVAC techs, roofers, electricians-they're all pricey guys to hire. Paying rent to an apartment owner is basically like paying insurance for those guys to come fix your shit.
My "cool" aunt has an apartment but moved in with my parents bc dementia, and every time something went wrong with the house she'd be like "see this is why you should live in an apartment, we have a super." XD
And back when I was a kid she babysat for her neighbors all the time, whenever we visited we'd go biking or rollerskating in the park, her apartment complex has a playground in the courtyard... it's great.
And in suburbia you have a backyard, and your friends are too far away to walk to to get to their backyard, and the roads are likely a little on the dangerous side for kids to be biking on.
And people wonder why kids don't go outside these days. Because who wants to walk into their backyard, alone, and look at some grass?
Don't know but I don't get why all people want houses. I moved a bit during my life and since our lease system allows you to cancel the lease at any point with three months notice it was pretty practical. And now I have a "Genossenschaft" as my landlord and it's amazing. Cable is trough them and they fight the cable company for me when they screw up (about once a year), when I call with any problem mon-fri between 8-4 I get a handyman to be there within a day or two, often on the same day. They gave the whole building new insulation and it cost me nothing. When I want to get DSL (which I think I'll do in na few months) they'll install the box for free. They installed my oven and offered to install my dishwasher. Again all free. Why the heck would I put up with the stress and money to do all that myself? There are only two reasons I can imagine leaving this flat for: moving into a bigger flat of theirs because I get a family (unlikely) or moving cities in which case I hope to find another Genossenschaft.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up5fro/aita_for_sarcastically_asking_my_sister_if_she/i8iskg6/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[NTA. Change it. Sounds li...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uosdoy/wibta_if_i_changed_my_name_despite_my_mothers/i8hl1zc/) | [NTA. Change it. Sounds l...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uosdoy/wibta_if_i_changed_my_name_despite_my_mothers/i8gd8vu/)
[NTA, you’re not free stor...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8jusbd/) | [NTA, you’re not free stor...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8i8kpw/)
[YWBTA if they used the mo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up4o7q/wibta_if_i_reported_my_exfriend_to_gofundme_for/i8jurb2/) | [YWBTA if they used the mo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up4o7q/wibta_if_i_reported_my_exfriend_to_gofundme_for/i8ioj52/)
[NTA! for the reason that...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8juqky/) | [NTA! for the reason that...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8ifs9u/)
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I loved living in an apartment as a kid. There were so many other kids, we were mostly allowed to roam free because there was a fence around the apartment complex so my parents weren't really worried, there was a park and swimming pool. It was great. My dad's house didn't have a pool, the park was too far away to walk to, I wasn't allowed off my street, and there were only like 7 other kids of various ages. Definitely preferred the apartment.
Right? I have never *not* lived in a rented apartment, for half a century now. It's pretty normal.
Honestly nothing. My dad lived in a house and my mom lived in an apartment, and me and my sister split time between both of them. The only issue was me and my sister had to remember that at my mom's we had to be just a little bit quieter because we didn't want to be inconsiderate of our neighbors in the apartment. But other than that, there really wasn't much of a difference. Me and my sisters still went ahead and wait outside, we still stayed inside and watch TV, the only difference was we had to share the yard with the other kids in the apartment which in reality just meant that we had potential friends living in the same building as us. There is nothing wrong with living in an apartment or being raised in an apartment versus a house.
When I was young, I believed anyone with kids lived in a house, or at least a trailer house. Only college students and single people lived in apartments. Unless you live in the city, and those families only had apartments because there were no houses in the city.
My dad's from NY, literally everyone in his family was raised in an apartment *just fine.*
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up5fro/aita_for_sarcastically_asking_my_sister_if_she/i8iuu8j/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[NTA. lots of states actua...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8jrrkm/) | [NTA. lots of states actua...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8i8q2h/)
[YTA because you don’t eve...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up4o7q/wibta_if_i_reported_my_exfriend_to_gofundme_for/i8jrn9a/) | [YTA because you don’t eve...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up4o7q/wibta_if_i_reported_my_exfriend_to_gofundme_for/i8in1ai/)
[NTA while you miscalculat...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8jrow1/) | [NTA while you miscalculat...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8ifigw/)
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This is so, so typical of assholes. They pull their asshole shit all day long, and the moment someone strikes back they act all offended. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
Your response should be "your comment was unnecessary and rude. Are you suggesting my children should be dead?"
NTA her comment was the one that was unnecessary and rude, she's just mad about being called on it.
You should have responded, "Yes, your comment was unnecessary and rude. Feel free not to visit again so you're not subjected to my apartment."
NTA. And I'm sorry your sister is a jerk.
LOL LOL LOL
*YOUR* comment was unnecessarily rude**????????**
LOL LOL LOL
So - many many many people had to downsize and/or lost their jobs during the pandemic. That has NO bearing on decisions to have children. No one thinks 'Im going to be losing my job so I just think Ill have kids to make my life harder'
Additionally - what an elitist snob your sister must be to make such a comment about raising your children in an apartment. Has she seen the cost of housing these days???
you are NTA at all!!
But your sister is!!
NTA your sister is the pot calling the kettle black here in a big fucking way.
Also is she aware there are entire cities where most kids live in apartments? Like she is aware that NYC is a place and kids live there too, right? Does she just think that no one below 18 lives there??? Living in an apartment isn’t a crime or neglectful or shameful, and she should learn to keep her unnecessary and rude comments to herself.
The idea that anything less than raising kids in a 4 bedroom single family dwelling is basically abuse is so messed up. Classist and tbh kinda racist.
My downstairs neighbours in my last flat were clearly abusing their children by keeping them in a flat. The kids being happy, clean, and fed was all a cover-up for their horrible flat living. /s
I was one of those kids, and now I'm one of those adults. I'm not sure where on earth the default position is apartment bad/house good, but it's certainly not true in NYC. (That said, if someone offered me a brownstone in my neighborhood, I'd love one.)
NTA It was HER comment that was unnecessary and rude. You called her out on that and she was displeased enough to deflect it back on you.
You are fine.
NTA….you should buy a mirror with a sticker that says “Asshole” on it and gift it to her for Christmas
Her comment was unnecessary and rude.
Your comment nicely pointed out how awful her comment was. She’s mad because she’s embarrassed, but still not acknowledging her rudeness. I think you’re NTA since this seems like an appropriate way to handle someone’s put down.
‘yours was worse…Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit’
NTA, she’s an asshole.
Actually, on second thought, send her the link to this post.
NTA. Before even reading the post i said your not asshole. The post just confirmed it. Your sis said a snarky thing, so you also did. What comes around goes around.
How rude and insensitive of her. Really unacceptable thing to say to a family that’s obviously struggled financially through no fault of their own. You were justified in shutting that down, and I actually think you were more polite than I’d have been.
NTA, her comment was hurtful and extremely rude.
Tell her that her comment was also unnecessary and rude. NTA
Uh... Does she not know that lots of people are raised in apartments? I mean, there are plenty of places where you *own* the apartment. And I've rented houses. A detached single family home is not the only way to live. I grew up in apartments, townhomes, and condos. My parents didn't buy an actual house until I was in my 20s. They were in their 50s and had never owned a lawnmower before.
I'm also currently staring at the bulb I need to take to the hardware store so I buy the correct replacement because the house I own doesn't have a maintenance department that will come change the specialty shit for the recessed lighting in my kitchen within 24hrs. Like when I had an apartment 4 years ago. That was, adjusting for maintenance and repair expenses, less than my mortgage and was easy to leave vs having to sell.
NTA, embrace apartment life and not having to pay a plumber yourself. Your sister might be a "good" person but she's also rude, devoid of empathy for those struggling, willing to criticize but not assist, etc. I won't risk being banned for saying what I think she is.
Oh, and when you have the resources please give back to the food bank you used. I donate, volunteer, and work for a company that partners with the one I used to go to.
ETA: I know that renting is way more expensive than owning in many places, but it was not where I live at the time I bought my place. Many people are being shafted by crazy rental markets and should go to the food bank.
Yea all well and good and I agree kids can be raised in an apartment, but whats the cut off, OP said this is the 3rd child, thats starting to get to be quite a few for most apartments I have seen. What if it was child #7 or #10. Would you want to be raising 10 kids in a 1 or 2 bedroom apartment or would it be better to be financially stable and have a large house to do that in. Like I generally agree with your point, im just genuinely curious at what stage (if any) would it be ok to be like hmmm maybe you should think about getting a house/having more money before having another kid.
NTA her comment falls squarely in the category of not at all helpful, and instead condescending. You didn’t even say anything bad, so she must have realized how badly she stepped in it. I truly wish you the best, and hope things continue to improve for you and your family.
NTA. Her comment was rude and unnecessary.
NTAH I’d text her back and say DITTO. As her comment was unnecessary and rude- TWINZIES 😂 like the nerve of her! Let her know any time she feels the need to say disrespectful things about you, your husband or your kids then she’ll get a comment right back at her. End of story 🙃
NTA. Many people are raised just fine living in apartments.
NTA So she lives in a castle up on a hill? Does she not know how many people are living in apartments all over the world, raising their children, living their lives because the dream of owning a house is beyond their reach? What a privileged woman she must be.
And a house is just a house if there's no love in it. Bet your apartment is brimful of love.
NTA she must not know what cities are. More than half the people in them have grown up in or raised children in apartments.
It's smarter to be in an apartment and save up money to move into a house rather than financially burdening your family by buying a house you'll have difficulty affording.
NTA - her own choice to give uninvited, unnecessary, unhelpful and rude commentary on what you "should" have done led to the response she received. She probably shouldn't comment on how you "should have" better handled your life. She's lucky you didn't hit her with a "if I cared what you thought about it, I'd have asked". Or even just "but did I ask you though? I don't remember asking". Sheesh. Maybe she'll keep her critiques on your life choices to herself next time. Imo, she's lucky that's ALL you said.
NTA. How disrespectful of her, she owes you an apology.
NTA and she is living in some privileged dream world thinking kids can’t and shouldn’t be raised in apartments.
NTA There’s nothing wrong with living in an apartment with kids. She needs to worry about her own family, sounds like she’s projecting.
NTA. And I would have been way ruder than you (‘You’re right! But should I kill the kids or move into my backup mansion? I can’t decide’)
NTA. That made my brain melt
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My husband was laid off of his job just a few days before I was due to give birth to our youngest, who is two months old. We are in a stable place now but for awhile, we were living off of food banks and had to move into an apartment, where we still live with our baby and our two eldest kids, who are five and two years old.
My sister is a good person but she can make some remarks which can be really shitty, she came over to visit and made a remark about how we were raising our kids in an apartment and how we should've thought about this before we had kids, to which I sarcastically asked if she had any money to spare so we didn't have to live in an apartment, because my husband is working his ass off to make sure we stay afloat.
She got angry and the rest of the visit was quite uncomfortable. She was respectful enough not to make a scene in front of the kids and chose instead to send me a text message saying that my comment was unnecessary and rude.
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NTA and I think you know who is the AH.
NTA - Respond back with, so was your comment!
NTA she loves to point fingers at everyone but herself huh
So was her remark. You're even. You're NTA!
NTA. Her comment was rude and unnecessary. If she doesn’t filter what she says then why should you?
NTA, but she's right--her comment was unnecessary and rude.
NTA Your sister's comment was unnecessary and rude.
NTA at all!
Your comment was not the “unnecessary and rude” one, I promise. There is absolutely nothing wrong with raising kids in an apartment. It sounds like your sister respects the children, but has no respect for you or your husband. If y’all are stable and you at least have a comfortable living situation, that’s what matters. If you and your children have a roof over your heads, food in your tummies, and clothes on your backs, that’s what’s important. You don’t need a big house to be a happy family. If she’s not comfortable with your living situation (which is really none of her beeswax) and she can’t show you any respect, then she doesn’t have to visit anymore.
But do not be afraid to set boundaries with her. Do not be afraid to tell her that your finances and living situation are none of her business and you don’t want to talk about them with her, and she needs to respect your boundaries. IMO she has no reason to be angry…she wasn’t the one who was judged and criticized by her own sister.
It’s never easy to be judged, talked down to, and criticized by family, but I think you handled the situation well. I honestly would’ve told her to leave right then and there, so kudos to you for how you handled it.
She’s a good person!?
NTA. Her comments were unnecessary and rude. I guess she can dish it out but can’t take it. 🥱
NTA Your sister is an elitist. Such people should always be called out.
Ah yes saying an incredibly rude remark about a living state is TOTALLY FINE but when she fires back SHES THE VILLAN
Damn, I just discovered that half of my happy childhood was all a sham since it was lived in an apartment!! (/s)
INFO: what according to her is wrong with raising kids in an apartment? Did she mean that you should have been home owners before you decided to have kids?
NTA she is fully aware of the financial constraint your family is facing and I also think the comment was pretty elitist, I mean I fail to see anything wrong with raising kids in an apartment. Your comment was neither rude nor unnecessary. No matter how well-meaning a person's intentions may be, words have an effect on other people and they hold value.
NTA respond her that her comments too were unnecessary and how you live is non of her business
Her comments were unnecessary and rude! Don't put somebody down, if you can't handle the backlash.
And hers wasn’t?
NTA - your sister is vapid and has no world view beyond what I'm guessing is a small town 👌 even the rich people in New York live in apartments simply because of the availability! Tell her to watch Gossip Girl (the original run) and to keep her rude comments to herself if she doesn't want rude responses 👌
This is a lovely “Pot? Meet kettle” moment
Yea, I know it’s not a hypocritical as if someone getting help from family said something 💩-y, but my point stands
Lived in an apartment my whole life lol
ESH it was very unnecessary and rude but what she said was also unecessary and disrespectful
NTA. Your sister was being unnecessary and rude.
NTA raising kids in an apartment is perfectly normal. The only downside is you can't order your kids to go to the garden and do laps when they're having their zoomies.
(My "punishment" as a kid when I was running around in circles in the living room after spending 8h straight on a book)
NTA. You can only be in the US. I lived most of my life in a rented flat (still do at 43), most people in Europe PREFER to buy and live in flats. My in-laws never lived in a house and refuse to even consider it.
If you're going to complain about a situation, you damn well better be able to come up with a solution
~ J. Marie Williams
NTA she came into your home and made rude comments about your home. Tell her she cannot come over again until she can be civil. You only answered in kind to her rudeness.
I asume you are from the US. In other countries it is perfectly normal to raise children in appartments, I don’t understand what the fuss is all about.
Your sister is the unnecessary and rude one!!
She's a classless and rude AH with the empathy of a brick.
I'm so confused. What's wrong with living in an apartment? Is this an American thing?
I lived my whole life in apartments and I haven't turned out to be a serial killer /s
Nta. Her comment was rude! I hate the comment, I hear it all the time, things change we aren't psychic are we
NTA "well, you can buy X to me" is my go to answer when someone is asking why I don't have / do something. Why wouldn't I say it?
NTA HER comment was rude. Don't start what you can't finish. is my motto.
It’s unnecessary to comment on other people’s living conditions especially after knowing the history of how you got there.
She’s rude, and having a go at you makes her a hypocrite too.
Don’t invite her over anymore and don’t feel bad about living in an apartment; a roof over your head and food on the table is more important than the type of roof and the fanciness of the food.
NTA. Your sister can dish it out; she needs to learn how to take it.
NTA. What’s wrong with an apartment? You’re not homeless. Wtf? These are her nieces and/or nephews. Your husband was laid off, something one cannot expect. Life has challenges. Text her back with just her sentence…. We are raising our kids in an apartment because my husband was laid off and we are assholes for having having kids in a world where companies can lay off workers.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with raising kids in an apartment.
NTA her comment was unnecessary and rude she should mind her damn business next time
“That’s so RUDE to call me out on my bs!” NTA
I'm sorry but "my sister is a good person" doesn't match to the act that you posted. A good person does not denigrate a person they claim to love. A good person supports their family and friends and keeps their unsolicited unhelpful opinions to themselves. Millions of well adjusted loving families live in apartments and you don't owe your sister any justification for how you and your family live. NTA
Where I live apartments cost more than renting a house.
NTA and her comments were rude and nasty. Obviously she has never gone through a rough batch financially and it shows. Millions of families raise their kids in apartments so who cares. What matters is that your kids are safe, fed, have a place to call home. What she did was act like the place you lived was beneath her . Her entitle attitude is the issue here not where you live.
NTA. “Back atcha (the colorful word of your choice” is the correct response to her text
NTA. Her comment was unnecessary and rude. So many kids grow up in apartments and are perfectly fine. You'll need to make sure the kids have their own rooms in a few years but they make apartments with multiple bedrooms, and most apartment complexes have space for kids to run around.
NTA. I spent the latter half of my childhood in an apartment with my late maternal grandmother (my mom wasn't always living there) and I enjoyed it. I'm not sure why your sister fixed her mouth to say that mess.
NTA. My younger sister advised me that we could afford to travel if we just made different spending choices. I suppose she was right, but our kids demanded food multiple times daily, completely wiping out the travel budget.
We were so broke in those early years, robbing Peter to pay Paul. Her privilege shows consistently.
NTA. Tell sis to keep her comments to herself or step up and help out.
NTA, and your sister has obviously never left whatever small mid west town she lives in.
The vast majority of humans live in shared living spaces.
14 million people live in Tokyo, in a functional first world country.
NTA. Your sister IS a judgmental asshole though. You can send her this entire discussion and prove it to her. Congratulations on the new nugget.
You know what they say about people in glass houses...they need to shut the hell up.
Owning a house and having a family is not necessarily mutually exclusive; there are plenty of families that live in apartment--that prefer living in an apartment for the convenience. You were quite right to shut her up, and it wasn't like you said anything nasty.
Raising your children in an apartment is not bad. Raised in an apartment and turned out fine.
I mean... I don't like when people have children that they literally cannot afford from the get go, dooming them to a life of poverty from the beginning (that's why I am all in and happy to be from a place where children needs are covered, education, medication, etc, regardless of their parents income(.
But in your case it sounds like you are doing fine.
Your sister sucks.
NTA! Your sister is, though. She had no right to comment on where you're living or anything that is yours and your Husband's financially.
NTA. There’s a fundie Instagram family living full time in a converted schoolbus with nine kids, bragging about it and with a fan following. Raising kids in an apartment is completely fine and common.
What's wrong with being raised in an apartment? I was raised in an apartment that was so small I didn't and still don't have my own room. And I came out okay. And almost my entire class is made up of people living in apartments.
Does your sister think the whole of NYC or a similar city is completely child-free because everyone lives in apartments? She’s being ridiculous.
NTA, I sure hope you replied to her text message, " well so was yours, and you owe us an apology."
LOL Sisters can be so stupid and insensitive; I think your situation scares her and she's trying to justify her fears. NTA, I'm glad you said what you said. She needs to grow up.
People shouldn't comment on others unless they can aid and have a helpful solution.
NTA, my spouse and younger sibling lived in the tiniest, rattiest apartment for the first few years of their life, then their parents hard work paid off and they moved on to mansions. But they never look back with anything but gratitude for seeing how their parents worked as hard as they could to provide, and do not judge them for the circumstances.
you did say you were living in an apartment not a crack den didn't you?
What's wrong with that? There's a lot wrong with your sister
Are your kids housed? Fed? Warm? Safe? Loved? If so NTA
As you asked her, unless she had some spare money to help y'all out over multiple months, it was both none of her business & a shitty comment.
NTA: oh noes, you are with the poors! /s.
seriously though, your sister sounds very classist and prejudiced.
NTA, since when is it bad to raise children in an apartment? I didn't even know that was a thing.
Nta. Her comments were unnecessary and rude. You stood up for yourself, good for you. Your sister is a snob.
NTA Your comments were totally necessary. She was rude and out of line.
NTA and if your sister can’t take it then she shouldn’t dish it out
NTA she has no tact.
I want to say first that I and many friends have had to tell our kids many "white lies" about where chicken, and fish come from because they have the same name as animals also. There are many kids who would go without meat and lose some protein without parents being creative. That being said, you're NTA because it isn't your job to say "Hey is there anything you are making up lies about so I don't shatter their world with a casual comment?"
If that was so important to her it was her job to tell you, period. As parents we have to educate our sitters and our close friends so they know what to say or not say or do or not do in front of our kids and it's their right to say they disagree but will either follow it or remove themselves.
What she was telling them wasn't a common Santa, or tooth fairy tale.
NTA. Your kids. They are your kids. They got a roof? Education? Food in their tummy? Treated with dignity and respect? Then what's up?? Your sister needs to worry about her own. Your best isn't enough? Sounds like she's the one who's failing to understand the meaning of family.
NTA at all. There was no need for her to say what she did. She shouldn't have said something like that if she can't take it herself. There's nothing wrong with living in an apartment, you and your husband are doing the best you can for your kids.
Hope this helps, take care
NTA. She’s butting I to your finances but your comment was rude..? Your sister is an insensitive ding bar op.
NTA. My aunt does things like this to my mom. At one point when I was about 10 and my brother was 8. My mom was 4 weeks post op from cancer, my dad appendix burst (mom had to drive him to the hospital even though she was still not ready to drive because they couldn’t afford an ambulance), then the water heater broke, our car was stolen and the rent went up and my then my dads company said they were merging in the next few months and most of them were all going to loose their jobs . It was a horrible time. My aunt knew allllllll of this and then still asked why we didn’t have money help to buy my grandma new flooring. (It wasn’t needed, just wanted) People are just rude and mean sometimes.
NTA. What does snobby mean way of trying to cut at you when you’ve had all of these difficulties and are trying so hard. Only bad intentions there from her. Nothing else.
This is like that friends episode where Rachel’s sister comes over
This is probably one of the most American things I've ever heard.
Why shouldn't you live in an apartment? Would you rather live in a suburban hellhole?
I know I wouldn't.
NTA she said you were rude the cheek and utter audacity.
Just to add their is nothing wrong with living in an apartment. The first half of my childhood I shared a small bedroom with my two older siblings. My parents bed was in the kitchen up to the breakfast bar. Yes that’s extreme but we had our own beds were warm safe, fed and happy, which is what matter. Later we did live in a big house for the rest of my childhood but I can tell you we all still look back on it fondly, even my parents did. As younger kids you don’t care or see theses things unless you truly have to go without and are hungry. Not having enough houses available for the population in our case or going through a hard time happens. Life goes on and you work to come out the other side.
Living in an apartment is still a life time away from that, and it only got as bad for you due to the timing of being laid off around the birth. No matter how stable your life a sudden job loss can bring anyones lives tumbling. You have not long had a baby and gone through a traumatic stressful time. Now is the point your sister should have been supporting you helping and concerned not attacking you and bringing you down. Kids or not being laid off had nothing to do with the other and it’s a real cheek for her to blame that. I would let her be mad and just not respond hopefully in her mood she will leave you alone and give you piece. She should be the one to apologise and no she doesn’t get a free pass because she always says rude things, she should be pulled up more because of it. If you call her out like you did every time I’m sure she will realise you won’t accept it. So can either shut up and be respectful or not come near.
You are not the only one that has hard times and needs a food bank even if only briefly. The governments are getting more use to relying on them than doing things to prevent it and support people. It is worse now than for many decades. This was not your fault as was proven by how your husband has worked to make things better. What I will say is your sister must have an awful life if she needs to make herself feel better by putting yours down. That or she is fully just an asshole, awful person
NTA My family members made similar comments about my renting (as opposed to buying) and replacing my old and reliable car. After numerous polite deflections I finally snapped and said they are welcome to buy me a house and car if they are so offended by my living situation. I’m financially independent and I don’t ask for any money so this shocked them and made them realise they overstepped a boundary. Your sister is a massive AH especially when her comments are made during a crisis.
NTA I'll have to take your word for it that she's a good person, but it's strange good person who'd go to her sister's house and talk a bunch of unnecessary s\*\*t about her. What the hell could possibly be the purpose of those remarks she made?
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ESH but she is right. You should’ve thought about your financial situation and being stable before popping out kids.
yes obviously OP should have known her husband would be laid off because of a global pandemic 5 years before it happened. how dare she not be clairvoyant!
i mean, her husband was fired when she already was pregnant. what exactly you expect them to do? take the time machine back in time? or predict global pandemic?
Why did you have MULTIPLE children if you can "barely stay afloat"
That makes you an asshole.
Your sister could have said it differently, but she is not wrong