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jjswin

If I donated to a gofundme to help save someone and they raised more than enough money to cover the treatment, I wouldn’t ask for a refund and I’d be fine with them treating themselves to a special holiday. Others will likely feel differently, but I think YTA to go and cause trouble for a family that have probably just been through something awful. (It would of course be different if the illness didn’t exist and they’d just invented it to fraudulently receive donations from people)


Flaky_Tip

Pretty sure this is fraud though. Didn't a couple get in a lot of trouble a while back for starting a go fund me for a homeless man and then keeping a the money?


nothankyoutwo

That story was a lot more than that. The whole thing was a scam, and the homeless guy was in on it. They only got caught because the couple racked up a bunch of bills for luxury items but tried to cut the homeless guy out of it and so he sued them. [Here is a pretty good summary article.](https://www.burlingtoncountytimes.com/story/news/2021/11/23/mark-damico-gofundme-scam-good-samaritan-bobbitt-mcclure/8730300002/)


Brilliant_Jewel1924

That was actual fraud, though. The couple and man completely made up everything in order to scam people.


hiagha

IANAL but I mean, under those standards any GFM that raised more than their goal would be fraud. In reality, the money you receive from a GFM campaign is a gift. If you use false pretenses to get that gift (i.e. you collected the money by lying or you had no intention to use the money for its intended purpose) that might be considered fraud. However, excess money doesn't really have many rules governing it. A contributor can see that the goal has already been hit and are giving regardless. That's their decision.


fallen_star_2319

Given that OP says their friend had their medical costs basically nullified, it sounds like they got lucky and contacted the financial department at the right time. They chose to go to a specific theme park with their family as part of their recovery. OP is the asshole here, because recovery is a part of medical costs.


pressNjustthen

I’d like to come on the next recovery


QueenKeisha

That’s completely different. None of the money went to the intended. Excess above what the campaign is for, is generally at the discretion of the person obtaining it.


Odd-Intern-8359

These 2 stories aren't comparable though


[deleted]

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reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up4o7q/wibta_if_i_reported_my_exfriend_to_gofundme_for/i8ioj52/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [NTA. Change it. Sounds li...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uosdoy/wibta_if_i_changed_my_name_despite_my_mothers/i8hl1zc/) | [NTA. Change it. Sounds l...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uosdoy/wibta_if_i_changed_my_name_despite_my_mothers/i8gd8vu/) [NTA, you’re not free stor...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8jusbd/) | [NTA, you’re not free stor...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8i8kpw/) [NTA….you should buy a mir...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up5fro/aita_for_sarcastically_asking_my_sister_if_she/i8jurr7/) | [NTA….you should buy a mir...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up5fro/aita_for_sarcastically_asking_my_sister_if_she/i8iskg6/) [NTA! for the reason that...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8juqky/) | [NTA! for the reason that...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8ifs9u/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/Naiveazr](https://np.reddit.com/u/Naiveazr/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=Naiveazr) for info on how I work and why I exist.


Eye_Artistic

Good bot!


bestblackdress

Good bot


Zealousideal_Mix6771

Happened in the town next to me


abbles1er

Completely agree. Whilst this is technically a misappropriation of donated funds, I’d be surprised if the donors took issue with funds being used to celebrate a person surviving a critical, life-threatening surgery. There are charities and foundations that exist for this purpose. I would much rather my money go to someone that wants to celebrate their survival, instead of that woman that raised huge amounts of money to fund unnecessary medical tests while faking her symptoms to try to “prove” that the covid vaccine rendered her permanently disabled.


QueenKeisha

It’s not misappropriation if they’ve already paid all medical expenses.


abbles1er

It isn’t that straightforward. If they sought donations for medical fees, knowing that they would be covered by insurance, then it could be grounds for an investigation by GFM. We don’t know how much of that money went to medical bills vs the holiday, or whether or not they knew that their expenses would be covered by insurance when they started their campaign. Regardless, they deserved a holiday and OP needs to mind their own business and not put this family through any more stress or trauma.


QueenKeisha

So, that’s a point. But it has nothing to do with my comment. I didn’t say anything about insurance. I said if they have already paid all medical expenses. I don’t know where you’re going off talking about insurance etc.


abbles1er

Insurance has a lot to do with it. If someone crowdfunds specifically to pay their medical bills, knowing that they’ll be covered by insurance, then it’s obviously questionable.


pommedoree

Honestly, you never "know" that insurance will cover your medical bills. Insurances go out of their way to get out of covering anything they can. Many times it takes MONTHS of negotiations and approvals. Any of those can fall through/ you can be unsure whether or not they will happen. I know someone whose BRAIN SURGERY was canceled only a day or two before because insurance suddenly decided it wasn't covered. If insurance unexpectedly covered more than expected, that's wonderful. If they raised the money just in case while waiting on approvals, who cares? If they wanted it there to insure that no matter what the treatment would take place and they raised it, GOOD. If they want to celebrate having survived a tragedy with what is left, AMAZING.


abbles1er

Oh definitely, that’s why I said *if* they knew, and also specified that we don’t actually *know* if they knew. Based on the information that OP has provided, which is a supposed omission from their friend that the vast majority of funds raised were spent on the vacation, it could be a pretty complicated situation in relation to GFMs terms of service. If it was brought to GFMs attention and they weren’t able to provide evidence that the funds were directly allocated to medical expenses, it could be problematic. At the end of the day, OP would absolutely be TA if they reported it, because GFM is a private business after all and they can dictate whether or not a person is deserving of the money raised. Imagine being so offended that a person felt entitled to celebrate their survival. ETA: OP has recently clarified that they did not know what their out of pocket fees would be when they started the campaign, but they knew that the majority of their medical expenses would be covered when they cashed out. They also still have outstanding fees, but spent the GFM donations on the holiday. Honestly, I don’t know what to think at this point. I can understand OP’s frustration after having donated a considerable amount of money, but I do not think he should escalate this further.


Boredread

i mean i’d have an issue with it. when i donate i want to be sure it’s going to a worthwhile cause, will make a difference. a vacation is not worthwhile and i would much rather give it to someone in an actual life or death situation where it can make a difference. if i wanted to donate a meaningful vacation event to someone who beat or is dealing with a life ending illness, i’d choose make a wish. imo Nta. the more people that use fraud on these sites, the less other people are going to help them.


jjswin

A vacation for a family who are trying to bring joy back into their life is therapeutic, for me.


helderdude

So they can start a go fund me and everyone who feels the same as you can (re)donate that money to them. But it's up to the people that own the money to decide whether they think like that. They **never** owned the money. so at no point do they get to decide how the money is being spend.


jjswin

My understanding would be that if the money had been donated to them then they **do** own the money - regardless of whether the GFM description said it was for medical treatment. If they morally justified it to themselves that they should spend time together as a family in a nice place, to celebrate that someone they love didn’t die, then I think a lot of people would be fine if they spent any excess on a holiday.


helderdude

But it wasn't donated to them, this is absolutely key, it was donated to their cause. It's in their interest that people donate towards that but it wasn't donated to them. If my mom gives me five bucks to buy bread, I go to the store and buy bread I never had owner ship of that money. That owner ship transferred right from my mom to the store owner. Having possession of money =/= ownership of money. That money was given with specific instructions on how to use it. That means that the people that donate that money owned that money until those instructions are fulfilled. And if for some reason those instructions can't be fulfilled they get chose how to spend that money now. Again, it doesn't matter how you feel about it, it's about how the people that own that money feel about it, what they think.


jjswin

The 'cause' is quite broad - in this situation the family receive the money to do with as they please to fulfill the cause. In this scenario, the total money was more than what was needed and some of the funds were used to fund a holiday. Note that OP doesn't know how much was used, or if every family member on that holiday benefited from the money. For me, i'd choose to interpret a family holiday as part of the cause; some mental therapy after going through something so difficult. I understand that others won't.


Altorrin

It's not worth donating $1500/an entire paycheck as OP did.


jjswin

It would be to some people if it was your best friend: I’d *love* to buy my best friend a trip if they nearly lost their life.


Abigail_Normal

The only issue I have with it is that medical expenses are often well over $15k. Someone recently posted a medical bill in r/mildlyinfuriating of over $140k for a snake bite. Odds are, a life saving surgery is going to be billed for more than $15k. However, I agree that if it's not billed for that much, or if insurance covers the majority of it, then I wouldn't mind them spending any excess on a family vacation. It's also possible that they used some of it for the vacation because medical bills don't need to be paid up front. You can make multiple payments throughout your life. I personally wouldn't have an issue with the family prioritizing a much-needed vacation so long as they do not make another GoFundMe in the future to help pay off the bill. The problem with that is you can't guarantee they won't do exactly that, with the people giving them money having no clue about what they did. All in all, though, I wouldn't report them. I think they've been through enough and are probably drowning in stress. I'm sure they needed something positive to happen, and I hope that vacation gave it to them.


Poinsettia917

Disagree, in that most or all of the funds were used for a vacation. If I donate for a surgery, I’d be mad if they went on vacation. I don’t get to go on vacations.


FullyFreakinWoke

This right here. They were near death, let them be


dessertandcheese

NAH given that the bill was forgiven by the hospitals, if I were the donor, I would like the option to have my money returned to me, especially with covid. I have given money to friends who needed it even if I myself was tight on cash just because I wanted to help. So if I see them using this on an extravagant vacation I can't even afford, I would be pissed too


lbreakell1

Why do the people with the tags from this sub always have the worst takes


[deleted]

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reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up4o7q/wibta_if_i_reported_my_exfriend_to_gofundme_for/i8in1ai/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [NTA. lots of states actua...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8jrrkm/) | [NTA. lots of states actua...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up2fh0/aita_for_selling_stuff_that_belongs_to_my_ex/i8i8q2h/) [NTA your sister is the po...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up5fro/aita_for_sarcastically_asking_my_sister_if_she/i8jrpm6/) | [NTA your sister is the po...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up5fro/aita_for_sarcastically_asking_my_sister_if_she/i8iuu8j/) [NTA while you miscalculat...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8jrow1/) | [NTA while you miscalculat...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up3jsk/aita_for_giving_my_brother_a_taste_of_his_own/i8ifigw/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/Ornerytyt](https://np.reddit.com/u/Ornerytyt/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=Ornerytyt) for info on how I work and why I exist.


Arghianna

Good bot


xitox5123

NTA, but its likely gofundme does not care unless its a media story. like all of these platforms, i think they take like 10-20% of the donations. They just want the money. if it becomes a news story then they will do something for their credibility. also gofundme has no way to confirm how the money was spent. fraud is really difficult to investigate even for police.


InevitableMoon

My thoughts exactly


Beginning_Letter431

really depends, are all the medical bills paid? if they are all paid- YTA if they are not- NTA. at the end of the day as long as what it was intended for is covered, what is left is up to the person it was given to.


biscuitboi967

Yeah. I guess I’d need to know timing. If she ended up needing less treatment or insurance covered more and there was just some left over, I wouldn’t care. Giving me back 5% of my donation or whatever isn’t worth to me what a vacay is to them after that. You shouldn’t HAVE to be destitute after a medical procedure to have suffered enough for help. YTA to report them for not being as broken by medical bills as you think they should be. But if they overshot the mark by a lot or didn’t need the money at all? Then NTA. Blow their shit up. But make sure it was actual fraud.


Interesting-You-3417

Their post on the campaign said they needed $20k. They made $15k. The bills were $80k but forgiven by programs and insurance. They didn’t need the money for medical bills. Their family used some for living expenses, which is reasonable. They took the rest for an extravagant vacation and toys.


JeSlaa117

Sounds like they got luckier than they were expecting. Leave them be and don't be bitter that they got to have a little fun after stressful surgeries and medical stuff


biscuitboi967

YTA. know exactly what happened because this happened with my mom. There is a lag between when when bills are due and insurance kicks in. My parents once got a bill for $100k for a single month. She was in treatment for 2 1/2 years, so bills only got bigger when you added in special surgeries and inpatient physical therapy that multiples those initial bills. Insurance took a while to pay their share, and then my parents had to paid their portion. But they didn’t know in March how much would still be due in April. And what they would have to appeal. And they still owed SOMETHING and got charged interest when it was paid late. Having an additional $15k at this time just meant they could float themselves til next month while they appealed or saved up. It wasn’t until every last bill was paid, every last phone call to a supervisor ended, all the missed days at work that they came out “ahead”. But for that period of time, the GFM absolutely paid for treatment. And kept a roof over their heads and food on the table and the lights on. Insurance wasn’t covering that and people were possibly out of work. She very possibly could not have recovered so quickly and successfully with the added stress of bankruptcy and collections while she fought cancer or whatever. It certainly paid for her treatment when the choice was chemo or mortgage. So HUGE YTA for being so stingy and mean that you want to allege fraud against people for using the money exactly as they should have. And for being envious that they are getting something you want. You deserve a trip! Sure, you didn’t fight cancer, but you donated $50 and want reimbursement for whatever you THINK is your share of the from the remainder So yes, YTA for reporting people for “profiting” some fraction of your donation as fraud because they got to enjoy life once when you did it. For gods sake, if you donated to them, then you should be a good enough friend to be celebrating their life and wishing them a relaxing trip. If you aren’t close enough to donate, then you don’t know shit about their finances and the money struggles they went through before all was said and done. And if you know all that and you BEGRUDGE them that small luxury then YTA just down into your narrow.


fix-me-in-45

They got lucky so much was forgiven, and keep in mind, a lot of expenses aren't to the hospital but to help keep the household and family members running during the process - bills, food, transportation, etc. I wouldn't begrudge the family a trip to celebrate their loved one \*not dying\* at the end of hardship like that.


bigdaddyren14

I may or may not have medical bills that need to be paid to Delta since you're in such a giving mood.


Aggressive-Fudge5759

If I were in that situation, which is unlikely because I live in the UK, so most healthcare is state funded, I would look to contribute the excess raised to other campaigns. I do not think that spending it on a lavish holiday would be appropriate.


throwinitbackk

You’re not sure about that tho. You’re just assuming.


viotski

I'd all the medical bills are paid, then the money should have been returned to the donors. You can easily so that. Your comment makes no sense. Lies are lies, lying to people where the money is going is still lying.


HolyUnicornBatman

YWBTA if they used the money to pay for hospital bills and used the leftover as they saw fit. For all you know, they had a private donor pay for a majority of the bills. Unless you have 100% of the information on how the funds were used, stay out of it because it’s none of your business.


Fabulous-Flower-2328

YTA because you don’t even know how much of the funds went toward the vacation. I’m not sure why you want to hurt your ex friend so bad after they just underwent several life-saving surgeries.


Interesting-You-3417

100% of the vacation was paid for with the funds. It went to a several thousand dollar vacation.


Bleuberries6

Do you have any actual proof of this?


Interesting-You-3417

Yeah, the person told me outright


AUDMCJSW

You should put that in the original post. This changes things (in my eyes)


canuck_2022

Did they tell you they didn't pay their medical bills?


Interesting-You-3417

Yes. Insurance and programs did. Not the campaign.


waveslikemoses

Because of this fact, Hard NTA


AmIDoingThisRight14

Wait so the GFM was not necessary as it was covered by insurance? If that's the case then it changes the narrative and should be included in your post as it's fraud. If the funds were used to pay off medical bills then left over for a vacation that seems reasonable. But if they intentionally deceived people then yes, I'd report them


crheming

Put this in the post


NoDepressoYesEspreso

OP, put this in the post. People are gonna think that they used leftover gfm money for the vacation and not all of it.


Penguins_Penguins

Definitely put that in the post


Better2021Everyone

NTA. Report them and let GoFundMe decide if they want to investigate or not. If they do, and if they find malfeasance, well, that is on your former friend for using donated monies outside the purpose for which they were expressly requested and given.


[deleted]

NTA in 100% ​ You need report her, because what she is doing is a literal crime. Also because of her, people who really need these fundings for medication will be have much more trouble because of people like your friend.


descentbecomesafall

NTA, this is why private healthcare sucks.


Melmoth_Milton

This is why universal healthcare should be a right.


LottaBuds

This is why I've never seen anything dreamy about the American dream. I'll rather keep my universal healthcare that has kept me alive all these years with chronic conditions I wouldn't be able to afford to treat over there.


Fairykinn

Universal Healthcare where I am has it's issues. But every time I see a post about American Healthcare or my American friends show me their medical bills, I am so grateful for my frustrating universal health care. Childbirth for 2 kids cost me less than $300. I had to pay $40 for one blood test (and it was thr first blood test I've paid for in my life), and the rest was parking and cafeteria food. An American friend showed me her labour/delivery bill. $35,000. WTAF?!?!?!


LottaBuds

Yeah hospitals here have like a $10 day charge for food if you stay there longer. If you go to ER at night you have to pay $3.50. I'm on 8 medications and they total me something like $7/month. I need blood work done every 6-8 weeks and never paid a dime. The only medical stuff I need to pay for is some dental work, but basic things like tooth removals or x-rays are free. I've lived in 3 different countries with slightly different kinds of UHC but can't complain much about any.


Fairykinn

Oooh, I'm jealous of the basic free dental care and cheap prescriptions, we pay for all dental and prescriptions here, unless you have private benefits through work. But hospital stays don't cost anything, unless the patient requests a private room. The blood test I had to pay for was a bile salts level test, still have no clue why it wasn't covered. I was so surprised to be charged for it that I had to reschedule because I didn't have any cash to pay for it lol.


sundaesmilemily

I’m in the US, and I know a European working as a teacher here, paid by her government. When she got pregnant, it was cheaper for her to fly back to her home country for her OBGYN appointments than to be seen by a doctor here.


Melmoth_Milton

I have several conditions. I’m on disability for them all. If I lived in America, I’d be so screwed.


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heyheyheynopeno

YTA if you get involved, even if the person told you outright, because you can’t ever REALLY know. If that person really did this, that would be a fucked up thing to do. But they may have just said that in a moment of bravado or something. Trauma can make you do crazy things. But don’t be a cop to someone who’s just been through an awful medical experience. I don’t think there’s a lot of karmic reward in that.


Interesting-You-3417

You’re right. I’m not going to.


techienate

If they lied out of bravado, they're just going to have to do a little paperwork. Even if they threw all the paperwork away, they can contact the hospitals, etc. to get records of the expenses. I'd do it for the people with medical bills that needed this money for actual medical expenses.


Oberyn_Kenobi_1

Maybe OP can’t REALLY know, but GoFundMe can. If they choose to investigate, they would request proof that medical bills were issued and paid. These people either have proof or they don’t. If they have proof, then no harm done. If they don’t, then they defrauded donors.


vik_thewomaninblack

Going against all the y t a judgements, I kinda think NTA, I have a feeling that sites such as GoFundMe have specific rules that the funds have to be used for the purposes stated in the campaign. Otherwise it is, obviously, fraud, I would say. If what you are saying in the comments is really true and the medical bills were covered by insurance or such, then it's really not cool of them to use the money people donated for the treatment to go on a big family vacay. But I know nothing about actuall circumstances and just talk about a hypothetical situation that stranger presented on reddit...


Acrobatic_Shape603

Totally agree, some of the other OPs comments really make sense to me. I’ve gathered that I think that they donated 1500 themselves? But they don’t even care about getting it back they’re talking more about people who could barely afford to send $100 or whatever and then that money was just used for a vacation. I also think that these people do have ongoing medical needs so they should’ve used it for that rather than blowing it all on a vacation and other people that they just decided to invite I don’t know… It’s conflicting


Chemical-Chef6501

YTA. Of course you’re the arsehole. How can there even be any question?! They were exceptionally ill and did receive medical care. Now they have some money to treat themselves and their family, and you’re bitter about it. Get a fucking life and stay in your own lane. This is not your business in any way, and the moral high ground you seem to think you’re on is literally non existent. This is not a good look. Any normal person would be happy that their friend survived a LIFE THREATENING illness and then got to have a little joy. I’m embarrassed for you.


Whole_Mechanic_8143

Requesting donations for bills that are covered by insurance and/or forgiven is fraud.


jaronervin

Requesting donations for bills that you don’t realize will be covered in the future isn’t.


[deleted]

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techienate

Have you also committed fraud? This is a ridiculous.


Acrobatic_Shape603

I understand what you’re saying but honestly it would be different if most of the money was going to medical bills and they had some left over, it sounds like they were raising the money specifically for the trip they use most of it for that which is a type of fraud and it’s not very ethical at all


Miss_Bobbiedoll

Did he pay for his procedure with the rest of the money? You would be the Asshole. You seem a bit salty that they didn't include you.


Far-Selection6003

Nope, that’s fraud, NTA and report them.


PlentyHopeful263

NTA, that's fraud. They scammed people out of thousands.


billlevansatmariposa

INFO: What's your source? How did you "learn" about this? Is your source willing to be quoted by name to the GFM folks?


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Altorrin

The friend themselves.


billlevansatmariposa

We don't know that yet. OP hasn't responded to me.


Altorrin

OP responded to (multiple) other people asking your same question.


billlevansatmariposa

I finally caught that. It didn't hurt for you to point it out, though. Thanks.


SeaScape9775

INFO: 1) Did any part of the money go to the medical bills? 2) Have the medical bills been paid in full? 3) You keep contradicting yourself in your comments. First you say the debts were forgiven. Then you say its covered by insurance. Then you say you cant confirm how much of it was used for the vacation. Then you day they confessed they used all of it for the vacation. So which is it really? 4) Was the GFM started before they knew there were alternatives to clear the debts? They survived something life threatening. They deserve to have abit of peace and fun. Also, dont think much of you as a friend who decides that the next thing someone who has been through a medical ordeal needs after surviving is to deal with a formal complaint lodged against them. If you really feel they have done something wrong, have you tried talking to them about it? That said, if the answer to 4) is no, then yes its fraud and by all means complain.


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Paevatar

NTA People like this ruin GoFundMe for the decent people who really need it.


GhostParty21

NTA. People donated for medical expenses not for a family vacation. It’s misuse of funds and stuff like this is why some people are now hesitant to donate to GFMs. There’s other people in need who could have used that money for their medical bills or housing etc. It’s gross to see people trying to defend it because “they’ve gone through something rough”. Report them!


arittenberry

Going against the grain here but NTA. Yeah I would be upset too if I found out the money I donated for medical expenses was for a vacation. It's great that they can go on a vacation and everything but that's not what op donated for. If they got their bills paid by insurance (like someone said might be the case), they should ask the gfm donors if they would like their money back and explain the circumstances. Some people will still decide it's a worthy donation and some won't but at least they have the option with the new circumstances


Dangerous-Project672

Unless you have hard proof that they’ve defrauded these donors, they’re not doing anything wrong. For all you know, the GFM covered all their expenses and they had enough of their own money to take this trip. You’re not their accountant or the IRS


Interesting-You-3417

They explained to me that their medical expenses were forgiven by programs and they took the money to take 5 people on vacation.


Dangerous-Project672

Actually, I’m changing my vote to NTA. You should put that in the original post. You kind of came off like a busybody, not someone they confessed too. Just my thought.


black_cat_2446

I agree, if OP has a direct confession, NTA.


Travelgrrl

I mean, what does it matter? The GFM was likely started when they didn't know that these expenses would be covered, and after they realized that they had a little extra cash from donations, I feel there's no problem in scheduling an adult version of a Make A Wish vacation. You actually seem a little jealous that they got to go to Disney and you didn't. But I guess you missed out on a life threatening disease and multiple surgeries...


Interesting-You-3417

Most Americans can’t just afford a $10k trip to Disney. All-expense trips were purchased for four additional people that aren’t the individual who was ill. I can take myself to Disney anytime I want, and I’m fortunate to have that. What I’m conflicted about is not the single individual who experienced this spending a little extra money to do something nice. They did not use ANY of the funds for the expressed purpose that people donated for. People were fleeced


Travelgrrl

But did they know that the medical stuff would be covered before the Go Fund Me? If not, no one was fleeced. They expected somewhere upwards of $80,000 in bills and didn't have to pay them. Whether "most Americans" could afford a $10K trip to Disney is completely irrelevant and I'm not sure why you keep bringing it up on this thread. In order to seen less of a YTA by 'sticking up' for the common man? Ridiculous and it's not working. Have you ever had surgery? Even planned surgery is one of the most stressful life events, much less multiple surgeries for a life threatening illness. If you've not walked a mile in those shoes (or been pushed a mile down a hospital corridor, flat on your back on a gurney, heading into surgery, or woke up disoriented and vomiting, or had a slow and painful recovery), then GTFO with your judgmental self. I would be happy to send this guy and his family and friends money TODAY so they could go on another vacation. Because these folks have been through some trauma. Maybe someone's life is shorter now than it would have been. It honestly sounds like you need a Disney vacation, or maybe just volunteering at a charity that serves ill people, to get a little empathy. And in general, just learn how to butt out.


ImQuiteRandy

This dude is a 40 year old who beat cancer twice. Can people stop just assuming they know anything about people.


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dessertandcheese

Can you ask them for your $1500 back?


Interesting-You-3417

I don’t need it back and it’s gone. It’s not myself I’m worried about. It’s hundreds of people who couldn’t afford the $100 donations they sent.


rainbow_mak3r

NTA if they go fund me was because they needed it for medical bills but if their medical bills were forgiven then they should’ve refunded the go fund me. They are very particular about what those can be used for it. Personally I think you should report it and if they did nothing wrong then nothing will happen.


GWeb1920

Info Did over the course of treatment they pay/incur 15k in medical costs, travel costs or lost wages? There would be no issue if they incurred 15k over the treatment period and then used the 15k in fundraising to fund a trip after it got disbursed. If they never had 15k in expenses then report away.


Wyshunu

NTA. Using donations raised for a specific purpose for something completely unrelated to that purpose is fraud. Not only should they be reported to GoFundMe, they should be reported to authorities for fraud. People like this are the reason that many people don't donate to those they don't know personally or can't vet to ensure validity of the request.


Nadinegeorgiax

Definitely NTA in my opinion. I’d be super mad if I thought money I donated was going to medical bills and went on someone’s trip instead.


EvadingTheDayAway

NAH. You can tell GoFundMe if you want to. I honestly doubt they will care. It’s not at all uncommon for people going through medical stuff to go on vacations or celebrate. It might be technically against their legal contract, but it’s rarely pursued. If a person who donated wanted to sue in civil court for their money back, that’s not GoFundMe’s problem or business. You’re not really an asshole for reporting, but I think you need to worry less about other people doing stuff like this. Life is full of it. You’ll stress yourself out a lot trying to hold others to your moral standard.


sonjafebruary

NTA in my opinion. I'm seeing in this thread that many people are fine with donated funds being used for anything as long as there really was some kind of illness at some point, and that is definitely informing me in how much I'll give in the future. I've had bad things happen to me (including expensive illnesses), I can't afford nice trips. When I donate, it's coming out of limited personal funds. I'm willing to go without new books for a month if someone is sick but I'm not willing to do that for someone's vacation. It seems like only people who are really well off should be donating to something like gofundme.


SayaBoo

NTA I'm curious about all the Y T A votes... if you really think there is nothing wrong with it, the family should announce they used the Go Fund Me money for a vacation to all those who donated. We will see how everyone who donated feels. I personally would be pissed if I donated my hard-earned money for medical care and it instead went to a family vacaton. If they no longer needed the money, they should have refunded it. Anyone who thinks they DESERVED an expensive vacation on the dime of other people just because they went through something awful are entitled and delusional. That was not their money to spend as they wished. It was for medical expenses. That is fraud.


helderdude

I'm so confused all the yta votes. The people that made the go fund me messed up, they didn't check before hand how much would be covered or forgiven. Therefore they, unintentionally, set up a falls go fund me wich people donated money with the wrong assumption that they couldn't pay for their medical bills. Where they go wrong is that when the Medical bills are forgiven that they didn't check with go fund me what they are supposed to do with the money. They should have realised they messed up, they asked for money for a certain cause but didn't end up needing it before that. Wich isnt to bad, that can happen. But then deliberately deciding not to rectify their mistake makes them wrong. People saying they deserve of could use a vacation are very weird to me. Yeah you know what made those donors deserve and could really use that money too. Not everyone that donates has a bunch of money laying around. I can keep going with more I just feel like I'm reading a bunch of people that live in a different reality then me.


SayaBoo

Yes, I was appalled reading through all the comments. There is something very, very wrong with people. If there's nothing wrong with what they did (using money for a vacation), then reporting them to Go Fund Me should have no consequences, right?


SnooWords4839

NTA - it's fraud!!


Obrina98

NTA People give that money in good faith. If he's misusing it he TAH.


Brightside_Zivah

NTA - and tbh that is why i never give money to gofundme, because i simply think most of them is lying about what they use the money for.


Leonum

NTA shouldn't that money go to charity either way? Not luxury. Nobody needs vacations (nobody needs an expensive trip). Someone else needs a heart, liver, kidney.


whyarenttheserandom

NTA, I'd be pissed if they took my money, got their debts forgiven, then kept my money anyways.


Mabelisms

Info: were they truthful about being sick?


Interesting-You-3417

Yes.


AllergicDodo

NTA they do deserve a vacarion this sounds like hell, but not with other people's money, they are extremely entitled...


The_Fires_Of_Orc

If the medical bills are paid and there was left over money, then You're not the AH....


Altorrin

Literally none of the money donated went towards medical bills though. Those people should've been refunded.


AtomicFox84

Nta report it. It just wrong on many levels to let it go on.


ImpossibleRoom7498

NTA. If I donated to you for medical purposes and I find out you’re using my money to fund your Disney trip ima be pissed


ImQuiteRandy

after reading that he didn't use the money to pay for medical bills than very much NTA. They are committing fraud and you would be an ass if you didn't report it. People saying YTA need to read the comments or remember that being sick doesn't give you the excuse to steal money.


Personal_Shoulder983

I'd say NTA. If anyone discover that they used the money for enjoyment instead of real medical bills, will the ever donate again? I'd be fine if the extra money had been give to another cause of charity, but they just kept it to use for personal enjoyment. They could have helped others, but didn't.


Wise-Butterscotch-81

NTA. Seems like it is fraud from the comments. It would be one thing if they made 15k, had to pay 10k and used the leftovers for something fun; I mean how would you even refund that? Which donors get a refund? But by the sounds of it, they didn’t pay any of that money. The 15k is intact. They should refund all the donors, especially you, since you donated 1.5k. I’d ask them for the money back before considering anything drastic. I’d donate that much money to save a friend’s life. Hell I would even donate more. But if it weren’t for that? I have a lot of things I would like to buy with that money too. There are so many things I can do with that money. There are some loans I can pay off in one fell swoop. If it were $50 or even $100, I’d just let it go. Sure, go have a celebratory dinner on my dime. As nice a steak as you want. But not a whole ass vacation! Many modest vacations can be had for that price. There are so many things I can do with $1500, a good friend would offer to give it back, surely!


Cautious-Damage7575

NTA. Better be able to prove it.


helderdude

He doesn't need to prove it. Just like when you think you see someone you know break into a house you don't need to be able to prove it to report it to the police. Go fund me can then investigate, and if they did use it for medical bills it should be relatively easily to show that they did.


take_number_two

Info: have they had or will they have $15k in medical expenses either way? Because if so YTA.


Interesting-You-3417

No, they don’t. It was all covered.


Working_Horse_3077

Did they know it was covered before starting the gofundme


AbbyEwingSumner

Several people have asked this and he conveniently refuses to answer…


Working_Horse_3077

Hhhhmmmm sounds like someone is jealous...


SeaScape9775

Yea its not just me right?? He refused to answer that particular question


Interesting-You-3417

I don’t understand the question. And why would I be jealous about a vacation I can take myself with my kids. I’ve done it before.


SeaScape9775

Its a simple question. Was the gfm posted before or after they knew their bills would be taken off by insurance/the hospital?


Interesting-You-3417

Posted before, cashed out after nothing needed paid for. They still had other medical costs post-recovery and took the money on a trip instead. Ongoing bills remain unpaid.


Elelith

Then YTA if you report them, they didn't know they were not gonna have bills.


Altorrin

That's why you can refund people.


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venturebirdday

Do it. People who abuse the system will ruin fir those in need.


Disastrous_Tune_2877

NTA


Electrical_Age_6542

I would definitely inform GoFund Me as well as anonymously tipping off the media.


Ok_Pomegranate5606

Dude, the media as well? So now you'd like to publicly shame a person that is receiving life threatening medical care? I understand what they did was wrong and I get both YTA and NTA votes here but to shame them in the court of public opinion is just vindictive. There's a difference between justice and vindictiveness.


Electrical_Age_6542

I would publicly shame a person for misusing the funds they have been given for a specific need. Do you know how many people abuse people's good will? A disturbing amount, so yeah, I would call them out on it. Rather than passing/donating on the funds to another person who is in need of similar care, they chose to go on a family vacation. That's not what people donated to. If you're dirty enough to beg for money and then use it for fun, then you deserve no love.


Transformermom2

nta


MintJulepTestosteron

NTA. If they can’t afford medical expenses this time around, they should be saving any extra money they have from this round of medical treatment for the next time they need medical care, not blowing it at Disney World. I’d report them 100%.


jasnow9918

NTA report them please.


Backgrounding-Cat

You would be an asshat if you don't report


rebeccasassafras

YTA. How is this any of your business?


Interesting-You-3417

I donated a lot of money.


mouthfullpeach

NTA report it


Bell__Rose

NTA Tell them. One of my ex bfs needed a lung transplant. They used go fund me for it. His gf at the time took it all and spent it on a shopping spree. Almost $50,000. They did the right thing told them what happened and tried to pay back as many as they could. She left him and their kid and took the remaining money and dipped. Ex or not he was still one of my friends. We tried dating a couple times and realized we made to just be friends.


HomeworkDry4850

NTA


mtnviewguy

You would be TA if you didn't report it. In some jurisdictions, having first hand knowledge of a crime and not reporting it might be a crime as well. Drop a dime, Karma needs a hug.


kapostuzupa

NTA that is very selfish, i would donate the rest to other people who need it


Why_r_people_

NTA report her, this is fraud. There are people whose only hope if Go fund me and people who take advantage of it to pay for vacations create mistrust


Such-Afternoon8326

NTA it's fraud


Turbulent-Rip-5370

I would say NTA. Using funds gifted to you under the premise they are for something else, something necessary whereas a vacation is not necessary, is immoral and illegal.


bindulynsey

NTA I stopped speaking to a friend who raises a lot of money for charity but claimed that this was his job and therefore paid for all his daily and life expenses out of the money. He never told people this. Once he was planning on doing a charity bike ride in India for the hospice that my mum used at the end of her life. He openly said to me he would use some of the money to travel round India afterwards. I couldn’t forgive him that and said I would be informing the charity. He dropped out after that. He is still doing this shit 15 years later.


PassengerNo772

Good people who don’t want to get involved are the reason criminals and dishonest people thrive and succeed.


helderdude

Nta Absolutely you should tell them imo. Idk if it's against the rules but this is clearly something go fund me should know about. Either to take legal action, to not allow them back on the platform. Not reporting this sort of thing, I'm not talking about this specific incident, just incidents like this leads to those stories of someone scamming people out of millions dollars. And then we'll be wondering how so many could know about it and no one said anything. It starts with letting the propper people know what is going on.


Windows_is_Malware

NTA. He could have payed it forward by donating the remaining money. Also, you shouldn't do vacations during a pandemic.


Altorrin

OP, I hope you report it anyway. The judgment was very close, so plenty of the people who donated would probably agree with you and everyone who thinks you're NTA. It's sad to think some people who were scraping by gave their money only for it to be used on a vacation.


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LethalOrigami

YWBTA From what you have said to other people it seems the family got super lucky to have the bills taken care of. It doesn't sound like they had a gofundme with the intent to take a vacation but instead took one after everything was paid to relieve the stress tjey had probably going through. Mostly it just sounds like you are super bitter about them getting lucky and you should mind your own damn buisness.


amaerau03

The question is though did most of money from the gfm acct used on the surgeries and there was leftover so they used it for that or did non of it used for purpose intended? If none of it was used for the bills and all for vacation then that's different then excess amount left over.


ZenLitterBoxGarden

INFO: Was any of the money used to pay the medical bills? I feel like there’s missing info for this story. If the bills were paid, and they knew they would be, but still did a GFM, then NTA. If they did the GFM w/o realizing the bills would be paid and used the leftovers for a family vacation, then YTA.


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DizzySunburst

YTA- this type of thinking is exactly what keeps my husband and I from taking a vacation. We just battled through several rounds of cancer treatment, two totaled cars and a friend started a GoFund Me as a result. Now after 2-3 years we are hopefully on the other end but are nervous about taking a vacation to rest and recover from our ordeal but are worried about reactions just like this. So as far as I’m concerned -close your eyes and let them heal.


sarikat77

YTA. Unless you can confirm 100% that all funds went to the vacay only then can you call it fraud. In my town a woman broke her back due to a fall and she did a go fund me to cover medical expenses as well. I was all for it and helped out. She did a 2nd gfm and then a 3rd. I think everyone was fine with helping until the pictures of Hawaii starting posting. Even then it wasn’t fraud. It was shady as heck and pissed a lot of people off, but it wasn’t fraud. It’s a given fact that left over gfm money is to do with as they please as long as it’s not fraud. Just be weary if you start to see another one.


RinoaRita

I wonder if the go fund me raised more than all associated expenses combined that could be considered hardship due to the illness beyond just straight medical expenses. (I.e. hospital bills). If they lost wages because of their illness and used some of it to cover food and clothes etc I would be ok with it too. 15k is a lot but at the same time it’s not that much in the big scheme of things. I doubt it would cover much beyond the basics


CalyKade

NAH, for the most part. If I donated money to someone who needed help to pay medical bills and found out their bills were paid and they took a vacation, I'd be upset. That money could have gone to someone who actually needed it. While a vacation is more than deserved after this ordeal, it is not a necessity. If I'm donating, I generally like to give where it is needed the most and this clearly wasn't it. However, if they actually thought their medical bills would be 15k +, then they aren't assholes. Did they shut down the GoFundMe or edit it as soon as they found out? If they did, I suppose it doesn't really make sense to return everyone's money and they didn't technically deceive anyone since they did originally intend to use it as they said. But they are assholes if they knowingly kept the GFM going even after realizing they didn't need it. Then I would say it could be reported. If you aren't sure of this information, I'd say give them the benefit of the doubt and let it go.


subject5of5

YTA


mariaphoebe

Why do you even care so much about this? YTA


Altorrin

He donated an entire paycheck to this. $1500.


Unicornaday

YTA. This seems super petty and like you're jealous of them going on a vacation after going through a lot of medical related trauma.


RationallySkeptic

I'm gonna tell you about the bargain of the century. It costs exactly $0 to mind your own business.


hypothetical-ginger

Medical insurance and medical debt is so fucked in this country. This entire post is absurd, not because of anything op or their friend did, but just bc it happened in the first place. No one should have to pay for life-saving, critical care with GoFundMe donations. You shouldn't have to beg and jump through hoops in a 1st world rich country to survive cancer. I know that's not the point, but this shit makes me so mad.


iiieetron

This will be a hard **YTA** from me. It can be impossible to know what your medical bills are *even if you try to make calculations and plan it out* (assuming this is US). It doesn't sound like purposeful fraud occurred, and like you said - they **DO** deserve a break/ treat after going through some painful life curveballs. And yes, **they** is meant to be plural here. Your friends closest probably need a break after all that medical trauma, as well. Lay off. Think harder. Move on.


Bethanyyy3

I wouldn’t report it, idk what medical emergency they have but they probably deserve the vacation. Just let them be & move on with your own life.


cyberdruglord115

NTA my view is probably one sided but I feel like lying just to get a vacation is really disrespectful to the people who donated because they thought it was going to a better cause than a vacation. I can't even obtain funds to bury my grandmother with a GoFundMe account but other people are using the same site for their personal use so yes I find it extremely annoying