By - scheherazadezaman
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i got/get frustrated with my boyfriend for using the evil eye as what seems like an excuse. this might make me TA because he probably actually believes it to be at least partly to blame for our argument and i don’t want to be disrespectful to his religious beliefs.
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If he's really that preoccupied with Religion, then he's being a really *bad* religious person.
[It sums up to "How weak is your faith that whenever something bad happens your instinct is to deflect and blame instead of repentance and acceptance" ](https://www.learnreligions.com/evil-eye-in-islam-2004032)
That aside, when HIS actions have consequences, they're not "the evil eye". They're consequences
If he refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoings on his part and keeps being disingenuous, you... Might need to reconsider if you want to be with someone that is never wrong and never guilty of anything ever
he doesn’t mention it every time there’s a problem and he doesn’t try to force me to agree with him, he still recognises that it’s ultimately up to him to make things right. nonetheless i do agree that he needs to take more accountability
1) the evil eye is present is many traditions not just islam
2) nowhere in any tradition does it teach that you can enable your toxic behaviours through spirituality
3) you certainly cant diminish his beliefs. but NTA cause it sounds like hes using it as a cop-out
thank you for letting me know that the evil eye is not purely an Islamic thing, i didn’t know. you’re right, i don’t want to diminish his beliefs and perhaps i should be more mindful of how my frustration may come across
that being said i also practice using the evil eye and other baneful aspects and ive never not once used it to justify my toxic actions towards anyone, so keep that in mind before you roll over
As someone who kinda believes in the evil eye, I'm gonna say NTA because your bf needs to hold himself accountable for his mistakes and take responsibility for his actions. So you need to have a serious conversation with him about it.
BUT the evil eye is a pretty common belief in Greece, Italy and the Balkan countries (all Christians), not just Islam. It's actually a way to explain sudden misfortune (like big or small accidents, sudden headaches, bad luck), after meeting or being seen by negative/ toxic/ jealous people.
There's a big difference between unfortunate occurrences one cannot control and continuous mistakes that keep happening due to irresponsibility and/or impotence.
NTA, but he is using it exactly as he believes he should, and is probably using it just like he witnessed people using it while growing up. If you don't like how he's using it then I think you are fundamentally against the belief. It is in itself a mechanism for making excuses for why some things happen and why some things shouldn't be done.
NTA, it’s almost as if it’s a scapegoat for issues. I have family members who do this, instead of dealing with issues head on.
NTA. Not sure where you're from in Europe but my ancestors were Italian and it's called malocchio there.
Evil eye is not only a an old Muslim superstition, many Christians also believed in it. I agree that he is using it as an excuse, your question should be if you want to stay with someone who seems too ashamed of you to admit you exist.
i get what you mean with that last bit, but if you say this because i mentioned that he doesn’t want to tell certain people about me i just want to clarify that it’s specifically the people that have “very bad evil eye”. most of his friends know me and some family members too. also thank you for pointing out that it’s not just a Muslim thing
Nta- I am Muslim and let me tell you, most Muslims believe in the evil eye, however some exaggerate it and believe every little thing that goes wrong is caused by it, when it could be a test of Allah or a bad decision on his part. I believe that is what is going on with your boyfriend, if he is worried about the evil eye, then there are many ways he can protect himself from it and he should acknowledge the other causes to his life issues. I get your frustration on this and he does seem to unintentionally use this as an excuse to ignore his mistakes, best way moving forward is probably to communicate your issues to him.
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my (20f) boyfriend (20m) is Muslim and from a Muslim country, whereas i am Christian and am from europe. my boyfriend believes strongly in the evil eye whereas i don’t believe that it exists at all. for those of you who are unfamiliar with this concept, the evil eye is this idea in Islam that if someone is jealous or envious of you in some way, you can lose what it is they’re jealous of or you can be negatively affected by it eg. you fall ill (i’m no expert so i can’t explain all the details in full but that’s the essential part of it). i have no problem with him believing in the evil eye of course, and i would never try to convince him that it doesn’t exist, but i do sometimes get frustrated because i feel like he uses it as an excuse. i understand him not wanting to tell certain people about me because of it but when we have an argument over something he did that he knew we would argue over, he often blames it on the evil eye instead of just admitting he did something that he knew was wrong. i’ve said to him that me being upset over him doing something he know is wrong isn’t a result of the evil eye but instead a result of him not thinking or making a poor decision, but that if i had gotten ill or something then maybe it’s fair to blame the evil eye. is it fair for me to get pissed at him for doing this or should i just accept it?
p.s. if you think that the evil eye is a dumb concept or something like that, please try to remember that it’s a religious belief that he was raised with and my problem isn’t with this belief its with his use of this belief as an excuse.
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I believe in Nazar, NTA. He is hiding you and I’d be worried about that
i am not worried about him hiding me from certain people, his mum and some other family members know me as do his close friends. there are some people that he knows that he believes have very bad evil eye, and those are who he doesn’t tell. he also doesn’t tell them about good grades or things like that for the same reason, so i know that it’s not because he’s ashamed of me or anything
YTA. He is not accountable for his actions because any bad thing he does is actually the evil eye making him do it. It's not fair of you to criticize him considering he has NO CONTROL over his toxic behavior.
Chances are, you are the one giving him the evil eye because you dislike his actions and send negative energy his way, thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophesy.
The algorithm can’t recognize sarcasm.
… that *was* sarcasm, right?
i hope so 🥲
If you're waiting for a bunch of people to weight in that Islamic beliefs are dumb, you're be waiting a long time.
Having said that, the belief can be valid but does not mean your BF is contextualizing it correctly.
For calling his belief dumb, YTA.
This is the only place OP used the word "dumb".
>if you think that the evil eye is a dumb concept or something like that, please try to remember that it’s a religious belief that he was raised with and my problem isn’t with this belief its with his use of this belief as an excuse.
So you are completely wrong here.
i don’t think it’s dumb at all, i simply don’t share his belief. that is why i said at the end that if you do think it’s dumb please don’t let that affect your judgement because it’s a religious belief of his that deserves to be respected. i totally agree with you when you say that the belief can be valid but he may not be contextualising it correctly. that’s ultimately what i tried saying to him.
I mean, it \*is\* a dumb belief. It's not even Islam - it's just superstition!
Side-note, though, Islam is chock-full of dumb beliefs, as is any other religion, and getting humanity out of the stone age means we can't coddle every silly supernatural explanation in the name of freedom of religion.