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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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gratefulnothateful11

YTA **It is never ok for you to comment on a teenage girl's biological functions, true or untrue.** You should have just said, "You have not participated in (X number of classes/ X number of weeks), and if you do not participate *I am going to have to give you a failing grade."* That is the limit of your authority. ​ EDIT: As someone else commented, "Or anyone else's biological functions, for that matter" - which, also yes EDIT: A lot of aggressive ignorance is happening in these comments lol


ltsmobilelandman

Or anyone else’s biological functions for that matter.


Ill-Diver9767

But what was she doing going to the toilet for a whole 45 mins i understand it takes time to sort yourself out but not that long unless she’s bloody showering. If anything it makes it seem she was getting out of PE just to bunk off. On the other hand OP really should have dealt with it a bit differently should have spoke to her privately or make her parents aware. So it’s in between YTA and NTA at the same time hard to say


Binky390

I agree but it's a firm YTA. If she's clearly trying to get out of class, fail her, give the parents a progress report, talk to a school counselor. I dunno. There are so many better options than to comment on the biology of a teenage girl in front of her classmates as the adult in the room? It's unprofessional.


Megustavdouche

Or even talk to her privately & kindly.


Haunting_Gate_5537

Nope. Her body is none of his business


Megustavdouche

A teacher coming to a student privately and saying “listen, if you miss every class I have nothing to grade you on and will have to fail you. What’s going on? How can I support you so you don’t fail? Would you like me to grab the health teacher/counselor/female pe teacher to talk about what’s happening with your periods? I’m worried about you and I care.” Is 100% appropriate.


miriboheme

THIS is what op needs to do.


ThrowRA_8900

Nah, what he should have done was sent her to the nurse. Say (in private) “I think something is wrong. It’s not normal to need the restroom so much that I have literally nothing to grade because you haven’t been in class at all. I’m sending you to the nurse, and letting your parents know so we can work on a solution to this.” And then force her to go to the nurse. Because either something is *really wrong* or she’s just sitting on her phone to stay out of class. There is no in-between at this point. And while he shouldn’t outright accuse her of lying, it’s almost certain that’s what’s happening.


Argent_Hythe

at best its a 50/50 shot that she's lying because things like PCOS can go undiagnosed for *years* and create symptoms like month long periods. You should never assume someone is lying when it comes to medical issues


Sillycakes88

Do all American schools have nurses? I've been a high school teacher for 17 years and there has never been a nurse in my (1000+ student) high school.


Urbanscuba

> And while he shouldn’t outright accuse her of lying, it’s almost certain that’s what’s happening. The thing is you can never really know, and you can only really cause harm by not believing and only ever cause benefit by believing. 4 outcomes: 1. She is lying and called out. Student still has had bodily functions brought up in the classroom and been called a liar by a teacher in front of peers. This is bad for many reasons. 2. She is lying and believed. The nurse speaks with her, and if necessary refers her parents to a doctor for an exam. Ultimately the lie is discovered and the parents determine the punishment/solution. Perhaps the ideal outcome if she is lying. 3. Not lying but still called out. This one is obviously terrible, and IMO just the chance of this as an outcome precludes not believing the student entirely. 4. Not lying and believed. This is the kind of outcome that build teen's trust in adults, as well as solves the problem. Great outcome obviously. To me there's just no reason to to call a student out like that. Part of the role of an educator is to be able to identify students that are struggling and help them. Regardless of if she was lying or not she's dealing with something and needs help with that, not skepticism. When I was in high school I remember having classmates throughout the years in PE that were physically incapable of keeping up with the rest of the class. Overweight, out of shape, medical conditions, whatever. The PE teachers always worked with those students to get them some exercise and improvement in their fitness appropriate to their capabilities. A girl missing classes like this is absolutely the kind of thing I know they dealt with, but only well after the fact when the girls themselves have told me. OP just straight up failed to keep the students best interest in mind and is facing reasonable repercussions for it. If they determine they don't want him working around kids any more I'd trust their decision.


ScyllaImperator

This is the most appropriate/professional way to have handled it. I understand OP’s frustration, though. If I were a fellow female student, I would have been frustrated with that girl too for using her period as an excuse to ditch. However, OP shouldn’t have blown up at her in front of the class. He invited the subsequent wrath on himself.


about97cats

Maybe she isn’t using her period as an excuse to ditch though? Menstrual disorders exist, and they often go undiagnosed and ignored in women of all ages, but especially teenagers. I mean, when all you hear in health class is that a “heavy flow” is normal with fluctuating hormones, and that every woman’s experience is different, how could you know that spotting throughout most of the month may not be? Or that periods so heavy you’re bleeding through a Tampax Super every hour or so isn’t? Or that fatigue so severe you can barely bring yourself to get up, let alone finish PE, is not a part of the typical PMS experience?


SvenTheAngryBarman

THAT PART. I’ve been blessed with easy periods but I know *so many people* who have not been. One who’s had three month periods, one who gets debilitatingly sick with each period, etc. There are so many completely valid reasons that she might actually be unable to participate, and even if her parents are aware and trying to get her help, it can be terribly difficult to get a medical professional to take a teenage girl’s concerns seriously, and getting that sort of issue sorted out even with a sympathetic medical professional takes time. Should the school be aware of the issues and should she and/or her parents be working to come up with a solution for her class participation? Yes. But that *does not mean* you get to assume she’s using it as an excuse.


GhostPanda30

I disagree, that would not be appropriate. As a teenage girl, I would have been absolutely horrified to be alone with a male teacher talking about my period or frankly any other bodily function. That conversation would not go well and honestly I would probably not even show my face in that class anymore if I already had a ditching problem. It is not his place to comment on, full stop. Yes bring up the not participating, the ditching out for 45 minutes, the failing grade, but a students body is not his business! That is a convo for her parents!


sasacargill

She mentioned her period first, so it’s out there as a topic and a reason.


sraydenk

As a teacher I literally would be required to document, contact home, and possibly write students up for this behavior. Without a doctors note students can’t be missing 45+ minutes every class without consequences.


GhostPanda30

That’s fine. That sounds like a reasonable process to follow. That’s not calling out a student in front of her peers. There should be consequences, absolutely, I have mentioned a call to the parents and talking to administrators several times! This teacher didn’t do that, he handled it really poorly.


Glass-Trade8008

Idk if I had a student who said they were on their period every single week, I would become worried about their health, a lot of people are not educated on things like endometriosis or polycystic ovarian, and don't think they can happen to teenage girls when they can. I would absolutely ask the student if her health is okay or even check in with the parents at that point. Not publicly in front of the class or anything but, people die when medical issues like this go on mentioned and untreated. You know children's bodies are related to their health and to some extent their health is the responsibility of the adults around them, if they seem like they are very ill or something is wrong, needs to be brought up in some way. Which of course doesn't change the fact that he is the asshole because, his comment was unbelievably inappropriate


boudicas_shield

He wasn’t actually concerned about her, though. He made those comments sarcastically, to shame her.


Haunting_Gate_5537

The school nurse would be a good person to talk with her about it. Not the PE teacher.


djcelts

He's the PE teacher. Its also his responsibility to determine if she is actually having a real medical issue. This could be something more serious like child sexual abuse and as a mandatory reporter, which all teachers are, he has a duty to report this. I'm sure you have no clue of any of this, but these are things teachers have to deal with every single day


sarah_leee

Reporting something to the right people is leagues away from screeching at a student in front of the class about her period.


[deleted]

This. If he was afraid of an actual medical condition, which is reasonable in the circumstances, he should have told her to report to the school nurse and have gotten a note from the nurse.


BUTTeredWhiteBread

Yes, I actually *did* have period issues in HS. Teachers who noticed would a) ask if I was ok and b) contact my mom who was trying to get me diagnosed and managed.


howsitgoingbob_

It is NOT the responsibility of a teacher to determine if a child is having a medical issue and is actually overstepping bondaries since teachers are not trained to identify or care for medical issues. Mandated reporting is for abuse which he can determine by talking to her privately.


djcelts

You couldn't possibly be more wrong. Reporting a medical issue that a student is having over and over again is mandated. Sorry, but your ignorance of this doesn't make it true. Did he go about it the right way - probably not. Is he responsible for documenting it? 100%


Altamashhh

Determining and reporting are two completely different words he shouldn't "determine" rather he should go to the student and say "hey X here's school nurse Z pls do talk to her if you have any issues" or contact her guardian


SnakeCharmerChick

Actually if a teacher suspects sexual abuse, they are not allowed to speak to the student themselves about it. They are supposed to report it and then the appropriate people will follow up with the students and the parents.


MazelTough

Or neglect, actually we are able to just report and move on with our lives and let someone else determine if there’s medical neglect happening.


thursmalls

He's the PE teacher, not a medical professional. If he thinks there's something to report, then the only thing he should do is report it as outlined in his annual mandatory reporter training. If he thinks (as from the OP he clearly does) that she's faking it to avoid his class, then the only thing he should do is discuss the fact that the student has not participated in class since \[date\] and this is their current grade as a result.


Haunting_Gate_5537

In what way is a PE teacher qualified to determine whether she's having a real medical issue? Should she show him her pads


djcelts

he's not, which is why he should report this and allow the admin to handle it from there. But, as a mandated reporter he has an obligation to report. I know all you kids who have never taught before are getting all worked up, but think of it this way: What if she was being sexually abused and thats why she needed to keep going to the bathroom? And what if everyone just kept on ignoring it? Thats the dilemma that teachers have to face daily.


[deleted]

It maybe is when she's using it as an excuse to get out of class everyday.


Able_Secretary_6835

I think it's okay for a caring teacher to check in on a student and make sure everything is okay. Maybe she's not getting the medical attention she needs.


Coffee-Historian-11

I agree that he should’ve had a conversation with her privately, but he definitely shouldn’t be talking about her period. Just say “I’ve noticed you haven’t participated in X classes since the dance unit started. Is everything okay?” Or something where he’s at least trying to understand where she’s coming from. There could be other motiving factors such as bullying that she may be more open about if OP had tried to be now understood in a one-on-one conversation. Edit: I should’ve been more clear. When he had the conversation with her, he shouldn’t bring it up at first. Just start the conversation and let her take over. If she doesn’t bring it up, then he could mention it and see where she goes from there.


[deleted]

if she starts talking about her period a teacher certainly can keep that conversation. It's not like it was out of context.


TheoryAddict

Normally teachers talk to their parents or principles/supervisors when a student skips this much before taking any action and try to find out whats wrong or the reason behind the skipping **Also his comment doesn't even say "no" or that she cant use the bathroom. It was centered around humiliating her so she would feel too ashamed to go** OP messed up. He: 1) embarassed her infront of her classmates because he was frustrated with her (unprofessional) 2) didnt ACTUALLY care about her health (mental or physical) when he recommended her to get it looked at, but used it instead as humilation/making her seem 'wrong'/shaming her to get her to agree/participate 3) was an adult male pointing this out and would definitely be creepy to a teenage girl because it looks to her like he kept mental note of her period (~~specifying two times in one month???~~ correction: I was on mobile so couldnt look at the post again and got 2 months mixed up as 2 times a month BUT the point still stands that saying multiple times in 2 months still seems like he is tracking it mentally) Tbh she could of been skipping during this unit due to anxiety or being bullied by others for her dancing. Kids can be cruel and OP, if she was being bullied, added fuel to the fire. If she was active in other units and not this one its more likely due to bullying because people could be picking on her lack of flexibility or dance moves. He (and also us tbh so this is all speculation) doesn't know her medical history, she could have severely irregular periods right now depending on her age, it may not of regulated/became regular yet. She also could have PCOS (I think thays how its spelt) which can cause heavy bleeding, possibly irregular periods and lots of painful periods. There could be several other reasons for the skipping but confronting her or having a sit down meeting with parents, principle and or counsellors in private and acting professionally would of been the way to go. OP messed up and there are probably many parents and fellow female (and possibly even male) students who were upset by what OP did. So its not that A is contacting the school and rallying her friends to get back at him, but that THEY and their parents individually are taking the initiative to also report him or are coming together when hearing about it/since witnessing it. The new generations dont take this shit lightly and are more than willing to call OP out and take to social media to make a change. Her parents may of found out about her skipping like this HOWEVER OPs comment overshadows her skipping by a lot. OP wanted her to stop skipping but his 'solution' did not solve anything so her skipping will potentially still be an issue for when the next PE teacher takes over (because sorry OP, your probably going to get canned with how big this of a backlash the schools getting) As for your question about getting back in the parents good graces: **You cant** *You took your frustration out on a student*, their child/friend of their child, by publicly humliating her (about something so personal and sensitive for a teenage girl: her period). This was **highly unprofessional** and seemed like you targetted her/singled her out/bullied her. So no parent would most likely feel comfortable with you teaching their daughters or being a role model for their sons. Moreover, OP, the person/people you would need to gain the repsect back are the students, especially A's, but they made it clear you made them feel unsafe and uncomfortable so dont expect that to happen So you might want to talk to your boss anout the situation and what are job prospects for whatever will be on your employment record for however this turns out (which, again, is leaning towards you getting fired/let go)


calzonebaby

thank you, i have PCOS and as a teenager had very heavy periods. sometimes i would spend 30 to 40 minutes in the toilet because the bleeding was so heavy and painful there was no way i’d be able to go back into class without having an accident. this teacher is a major asshole and the kid is right in complaining about him


wittytagname

I double agree with this, to me it appears like she was trying to skip PE, but OP even says he snapped, so that's already something he shouldn't have done. Like you said he should have failed her and gave a progress report to her parents, instead of insisting she needs medical help. A clear YTA


Bananapanda123

Yes, if she told him she had her period every week for a month, he *definitely* should have reached out to her parents to 1) let them know, and 2) suggest she see a doctor right away if she hasn’t already. Regardless, if she’s refusing to participate in class for *any reason*, he should have reached out to her parents after a couple weeks to let them know the situation, and know that she would be in danger of failing the class if she continued to refuse. There are likely also student counselors and/or intervention specialists to whom teachers are supposed to report this kind of behavior (refusal to participate in class). It seems like OP skipped every reasonable, likely required, step and went straight from ignoring the problem to public yelling. Pure fail on his part, even without the biological function part.


fcpancakes

She could have anxiety and is using the bathroom as an excuse to not participate, either way I full heartily agree with OP being TA. He's a teacher, that's it. Fail her and meet with the parents and student privately to discuss, don't just yell out your issues with the student to other students


BUTTeredWhiteBread

Yup, I used to skip out on PE when it was soccer because I have zero foot coordination. Teacher just kindly approached me to talk about it and even offered to give me tips on how to better manage anxiety about being bad at it. Obviously, he had to tell my parents I was skipping, since that was school policy and they weren't very happy with me, but he tried his best to manage the issue.


AlexGarrido

I had undiagnosed endometriosis when I was a teenager. At one point, I was a literal tap of blood for 9 months straight and every single medical professional told me ‘you’re a teenager, it’ll sort itself out’. I tried to come to my PE teacher and the response every time was ‘exercise makes my wife feel better when she has cramps’. It got to the point where I would have to camp out in the bathroom and ‘skip class’ if I didn’t want to be a shrivelled, vomiting, bloody mess by the end of it. I’m not saying this is what’s happening to this girl, but to my PE teachers perspective, I was just some punk kid skipping class for an imaginary period. Sometimes coming to parents, teachers, and medical professionals doesn’t help.


potterhead1d

Omg, are we the same person? No okay sorry for joking, but seriously I thought for a moment it might have been my reply. Teachers, especially male teachers, don't have the right to comment on women's (or anyone's for that matter) bodies. My periods (before birth control) could last anything from 2 days (multiple times every month) to 2 weeks straight. And I had so bad cramps that I have had to go to the hospital. I have passed out from my pain, and even when I passed out IN THE LOCKER ROOM my PE teacher had the audacity to tell me running and weight lifting would help me get better. OP, YTA. If you are concerned, you talk to her calmly and privately, and explain to her that you will have to fail her. It would also be good if you could suggest how she can give you what you need to grade her, but of that's not possible, at least CALMLY discuss how to handle it next time.


AsparagusFiend

I had a similar experience in PE as a kid who was sick. If my PE teacher did this to me or to my kid, as a parent I'd string them alive.


ConsciousExcitement9

I thought my sister had it bad! She would have her period for 6-8 weeks, then it would stop for 3-5 days and then start up again. It was so heavy that she would bleed through a tampon and pad in 2 hours. It went like that for a while because the doctor kept saying “you’ll eventually regulate”. My mom found a new doctor for my sister and they put her on birth control. Life got a lot cheaper for everyone after that. (She’d go through all her supplies, then mine, then my mom’s before my mom bought her more. So I would have to buy new products every period and only use a few before having to buy more the next cycle.)


Consistent_Air2485

If she has endometriosis or any other number of issues related to her menstrual cycle, she very well could be using the restroom for 45 mins, and she very well could be trying to escape gym class because it’s painful for her during that time. Regardless, teacher should have spoken to her privately regarding her grade instead of choosing to publicly humiliate her or reached out to her parents or a counselor for assistance. My mom nearly went postal on my high school for the gym teacher telling me I had to use a tampon or accept a zero and then continued to have an older student try to convince me to use a tampon the second month I’d had my period during swim week. It’s completely inappropriate for a teacher to make comments or decisions on a student’s health in a public setting like that.


10ccazz01

when i was a teen my periods were out of control. i’d spend hours on the toilet unsure if u needed to puke or shit. the messes i made took a long time to clean to be unnoticeable and moving about in PE class was stressful and anxiety inducing. also i’d bleed for weeks on end and then skip months at a time. so yea it’s believable and a middle aged man has no fucking clue what it’s like


potterhead1d

Yeah exactly. I have endometriosis, so my periods were irregular and painful as well. And the >unsure if u needed to puke or shit. Really got me, because even on double birth control I get this feeling. My pain is manageable now, and I don't bleed at all, but that part of using the bathroom still applies. And >a middle aged man has no fucking clue what it’s like THIS! My PE teacher always said "well MY wife handles her periods just fine. You just need to work out more." I hate people who speak on periods when they don't have periods themselves. What I hate even more, however, are the people that DO have periods, and still think it's okay to tell other people how and what they feel.... like pls stop it.


bibbiddybobbidyboo

Since you’ve asked and this is TMI. If you have heavy periods and cramps and period poop, you can be bent over the toilet with blood, clots and poop or diarrhoea for hours at a time. Every time you think you’re clear, “ta da….. a nice clot the size of your fist all bloody and jelly like” breathe through it, wipe, flush think you’re done, nope, the next cramp empties your bowels and more blood. Repeat for a few days. Oh the joy of PCOS and endometriosis. Unfortunately doctors and other professionals often don’t believe that things can be this bad which is why it takes between 7.5 and 8 years to get a diagnosis. It does need medical attention but like someone with food poisoning can’t leave the toilet, sometimes it’s the same on your period.


combatsncupcakes

My sister has been on birth control to control ovarian cysts for 8 years. TO CONTROL CYSTS. Guess who JUST got a diagnosis of PCOS? The only reason she got it is because she's now seeing a fertility doctor and after the 3rd set of tests they did for her hormone levels, the technician told her that she checks double the boxes needed for an official diagnosis. Her doctor added the diagnosis officially at her next appointment and my sister called me crying after the appointment because for 8 years she had been told "it's not that bad", "you're too young", etc. and she finally got some validation. She's still riding that high two weeks later


sprizzle06

The medical negligence, trauma, and gaslighting is the WORST.


quidscribis

And adenomyosis and fibroids and untreated hypothyroidism.


LingonberryPrior6896

She was skipping class. Solution: fail her. ETA a phone call to parents that she is missing all period without discussing period. In all likelihood, you are done here though


State_of_Flux_88

Yes. It was almost certainly the case that she didn’t like PE and was using going to the toilet as an excuse not to participate. I knew girls in my school who did similar things (always having a (probably fake) note from a parent about an injury or some other reason they couldn’t participate). HOWEVER This is not a matter that should be resolved in the lesson itself by refusing a student access to the toilet, it would be a matter to raise with the parents about their child’s participation in lessons or something to raise with the child separately as to their grades - calmly saying something along the lines of “I note you haven’t participated in any PE for X weeks and I will be obliged to fail you if you do not participate enough that I can grade your performance” the time to do that is not in front of everyone when a child in your care has asked to use the bathroom but at the beginning of, end of or outside of lesson time. If you can’t find an appropriate time then the conversation should be with the parents or the principal. I also highlight that if the girl was using going to the bathroom as an excuse to bunk off it didn’t mean that the time OP ‘snapped’ (his words) was such an occasion and girl may have genuinely been on her period/needed the bathroom (ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?) YTA OP! You’re a teacher: if you can’t hold your anger sufficiently to address a behavioural issue at the appropriate time and in the proper manner you shouldn’t be one. Edit - Spelling


Haunting_Gate_5537

Maybe she was clearing out clots and bleeding freely into the toilet while also having diarrhea and feeling like she had to pee due to pressure on her bladder. None of which is your business or her PE teacher's.


Normal-Height-8577

He is not wrong in his conclusions - she is either lying to avoid the lesson or in need of medical intervention - but while I sympathise with his exasperation, he was 100% unprofessional in making those comments in front of the whole class. This should have been a situation where you keep good records, then once the pattern appears to be problematic (but you can't tell without being intrusive), consult the guidance counselor/your head of department/head of year/whoever is appropriate in your school for advice on figuring out what measures to take. Potentially this would involve a parental meeting, where you express concern for the pupil's chronic illness, and ask if she has further medical needs that should be documented by the school, and sorry about the paperwork but we do at this stage need a medical note to affirm the need for accommodations...


[deleted]

Maybe she has diarrhea and she doesn’t want to announce that to the whole class. I’m so tired of abusive teachers thinking they’re doing the right thing by shaming people for existing. I’m glad to school took action


PartOfTheTree

I don't think this is what was happening, BUT period shits can take a while, and if you're in a lot of pain it can take a long time to psych yourself up to go back out in the world


acgilmoregirl

It doesn’t matter if she is trying to get out of class, he had no right to talk about her bodily functions the way he did. That makes him an asshole. He could have pulled her to the side and discussed. He could have said that if she didn’t participate in that lesson she would have to fail. He could have told her that she could go and he would be talking to her parents after school that day. Instead he went nuclear and called her a liar in front of the whole class and shamed her for a bodily function, even if she didn’t have it. Some people do have periods for months on end, and it’s not his place to comment on that aspect of it.


BurrSugar

I use a menstrual cup. When I first started using it, I had a time it took me about 45 minutes, because it created a huge mess that needed to be cleaned up (I’ll spare all the details, but it was gory). So, it can happen.


amitychicky

I have GI issues and it can absolutely take me a whole 45 minutes in the bathroom, or longer. I'm working with my doctor right now but I would be royally pissed if anyone made assumptions about my health and commented on it like that. I would be totally on board with OP if he had approached the situation like an adult and addressed the problem at hand, her poor attendance, but instead he chose to comment on her body and health in the middle of class. That's inappropriate regardless of the situation, but especially from a grown man in a position of power directed at a teenage girl. Is it possible that A is just skipping class and is the one in the wrong? Absolutely! But OP lost all moral high ground when he made a snappy comment about her period instead of pulling her aside outside of class or contacting her parents.


potatotay

... it's obvious to everyone she was 99% surely just trying to get out of P.E. class. The problem is OP commented on her functions when he should have just said "enough is enough, I have to grade you" or he could've gotten a higher-up involved. ETA: I don't think OP is really an AH, I feel bad he's getting all this backlash - but he for sure used the exact wrong words in this situation.


Dowager-queen-beagle

“It’s obvious to everyone” she’s skipping class when there are people above you discussing their struggles with endometriosis? FOH.


lacey-bats

That's a fair point, surely they should have brought this up at the time by reporting it as an absence and inquiring as to where she actually went? Simply ignoring it then snapping was a bad call. Like shouldn't a teacher be concerned when she wasn't coming back after 10 minutes?


[deleted]

[удалено]


mr_trick

Right, she could have PCOS, Crohn’s, endometriosis, or any number of issues where period + exercise = chronic, painful, long bathroom usage. Should the teacher be made aware of a medical issue? I think some heads up could be given, but she may not have gone to the doctor or gotten a diagnosis. Even if she’s fully just fucking off to scroll on her phone the whole class period, as you said, publicly announcing it was not the way to go. A meeting should have been called with the parents or just given a zero grade and let them bring it up if they have an issue.


sprizzle06

It took years for me to get endometriosis diagnosed and I'm an adult now. Nobody listened to me as a teenager. Dysmenorrhea wasn't even in my chart. I now have 3 liver lesions from combined birth control and constant ibuprofen.


LimitlessMegan

A lot of teens go to the dr but they won’t diagnose sit because “your a teen”.


dogsandcoffeepls

This! I had my period for SIX STRAIGHT MONTHS but the doctors just said it was because I was a teenager and my hormones were trying to get back to normal. Started birth control at 13 and even those didn’t do anything. Turns out I have PCOS but because I “didn’t look the part” they didn’t check anything until I started trying for kids


blondebythebay

I’m 30 and was only diagnosed with endometriosis in late 2019 after years of crippling pain. I realized all the pain I had in gym class as a teenager was likely due to that. I still remember one teacher making me run laps back and forth while I had tears streaming down my face because the cramping was so bad. So many girls went to the teacher and begged her to let me stop, then they carried me into the changing room and filled a water bottle full of hot water. Nearly 20 years later, and I’m still traumatized by that experience.


Somebodycalled911

Not to mention, even as an adult, it usually takes years +++ after getting to the doctor to get a diagnostic for any of these.


sprizzle06

YTA I literally bled for months straight from 7/20/2021-11/6/2021. Before that, 6 weeks straight. Before that, 3 weeks straight. I had undiagnosed endometriosis. Let her use your bathroom. Jfc.


Grabbsy2

The problem is that OP had no way of knowing if the student had been experiencing endometriosis. OP could have played this two ways "Yo parents, your daughter fucks off to the bathroom for 45 minutes every single phys-ed, check her into a hospital and bring back a doctors note so I can pass her" OR just grade her a zero at the end of the year, like another user said, and see what they say. If she does this for every class, shes going to fail everything regardless. Theres probably things teachers are required to do, though, like if their student isn't going to pass a course, I'm pretty sure an email to the parents is in order, at the very least.


No-Literature9620

Agreed. I think the thing to do would be to send her to the nurse every time, not just the bathroom and have her bring back a pass from the school nurse. He also could have had nurse sit in on a call home to let the parents know that he was concerned for her health because of the matter and get them involved that way. I get being frustrated, but 1.) There are people with legitimate physical issues like this 2.) Even if she is perfectly fine, there are ways you handle things like this and this was not it.


ProfessorMMcGonagall

I don't think it's a given that every school has a nurse. But if they do, this is a good option.


bripotato

YTA. In addition to the above, many women have medical conditions that can cause irregular or continuous periods. It is not your place, nor do you have the authority, to ask or dictate what medical attention she has gotten or should get for her own body.


Proper-Wolverine3599

Also, I’ve had my period for 3 months straight before. I know someone else who had theirs for 5 months. It sucked and the doctors said I just had to wait it out. May not be likely, but it’s entirely possible she’s not lying. He’s not a damn doctor and it’s none of his damn business


bi-bi-bye

Exactly. I had mine for over a year straight when I was a senior in high school. All my doctor did was tell me to wait it out and eventually (after a year) told me to start taking the pill. There's a good chance she's not lying and is seeking medical help but isn't actually receiving any help because of medical misogyny.


hileo98

Assuming this is an adolescent girl, yeah YTA. 1) Menstruation is completely unpredictable in the early years so it could be a truthful thing (doubt it) but it could. 2) If you noticed she stopped participating, why not have a conversation about it instead of embarrassing her in front of the class? I’m sure you recall how god awful it is to be in a developing body and as a girl, you also get the added bonus of boys looking and making disgusting comments.


kristinaEP

OP can’t recall because he’s the boy making disgusting comments


Youcannotbeforreal2

Is it my imagination or has anyone else noticed multiple posts on this sub lately with variations of the username Existing_Ad_bunchOfnumbers ? They never reply to comments or answer any questions, either.


TiberiusDrexelus

Yes, I've seen scores of "Sudden_Ad_bunchOfnumbers" too It's definitely a karma farmer's format


typicalcitrus

i believe its a default account name style now on reddit, like if you sign up with google or something


TiberiusDrexelus

oh that'll do it


heliumneon

I once was suspicious of these usernames, but actually anyone who now joins reddit gets suggested such a username. So if you make a new account or alt, or if you're just new to reddit, and can't think of a name immediately, it's easy to just accept whatever it is suggesting.


niv727

It’s the default name format when you sign up to Reddit using a Google account. They could be fake or they could just be people creating throwaway accounts bc they don’t want it linked to their main ones.


fragilemagnoliax

One year I had my period from May to January. I was fully an adult, in my early to mid 20s. It was horrible. Also, in 2021 I also had it for 3-4 months straight. Which was also horrible. I went to try acupuncture for headaches but they asked about my menstrual cycle and they said they could fix it. They did their acupuncture magic and the next day it stopped and I was on a regular cycle for a few months. Now it’s back to being wild. I’m just pointing out it definitely happens. I’ve two ultrasounds & bloodwork etc. to look into it and everything looks perfectly normal and healthy. It could be true.


lyan-cat

Yeah I have a friend who would be on her period for about three or four weeks, then have a few days of light spotting here and there for the next several months...then back to a longer period.


fractaldawn

Yep, I also had a period for two months straight in 2021, my iron levels *plummeted*. Considering what stress does to a body with a uterus, I am somehow unsurprised...


wheres_jaykwellin_at

I'm so sorry. I know fairly well what you're going through, but not nearly to the extent you've described. There was a point a few years ago where I'd bleed for 30 days, stop for a week, then my cycle would start again, rinse repeat for about three months. It happened again after a few months of being sort of normal. Since then, sex can be very painful and, if I'm near my cycle, I'll start having cramps right after that take a few hours to go away entirely (so long as I'm on top of it with Livia and pain meds). Once I have the funds/stability, I have to start making plans for a full hysterectomy, much like my mom had to have around my age. My boyfriend and I don't want kids, but the idea I don't really have much of a say at this point is still a bit bothersome.


HelloKalder

I have endometriosis, and as a teenager before I was diagnosed or treated, I had my period for 10 days straight, twice a month. Very heavy bleeding, extreme physical pain, and all the other symptoms that come along with endometriosis such as fatigue, throwing up, leg pains, etc. Regardless of what a "normal" period looks like to grown men who don't have a period, many women have abnormal cycles for one reason or another. 1/10 women have endometriosis. 1/10 women have PCOS. Etc.


Solivagant0

I used to get periods twice a month sometimes back when I started having them and then they got super long (like a week long) when they got regulated. They became fairly manageable only after I got on birth control, though some forms of it might actually cause irregular bleeding which in some cases can last months (I've heard some implant/hormonal IUD horror stories)


HPNerd44

YTA you know there was a better way to handle that. You let this go on for 2 months without contacting her parents and letting them know what was going on? Or your boss? Instead humiliated a teenage girl.


No-Policy-4095

Parents Supervisor Counselor Health/nurse services another female teacher So many other paths to go down....and he chose public humiliation.


BUTTeredWhiteBread

Why is it always PE teachers too


blasphemicassault

All the ones I had back in school always felt the need to assert their dominance.


rvgoingtohavefun

They went to college for gym, what do you expect? At my college all the gym teacher-teachers also taught a mandatory "health" class. Tests consisted of multiple-choice questions on unimportant statistics that were from previous editions of the textbox, so no answer was necessarily right. It wasn't even ballpark, either. It would have a question where the answers were "6%, 7%, 8%, 9%". The textbox said 7%, but the test wanted 8%, so you had to guess what the answer would have been 10 years ago. Pointing out that the current version of the textbox had different numbers was futile and only served to anger the gymlords further. My gym teacher-teacher also told me I was "absent" because I had jury duty and it was unexcused. The head gym teacher-teacher also said I was absent. The rest of the administration said otherwise, you know, because federal law trumps gym teachers.


mintyfreshmint

Gymlords is 100% the right term, thank you.


LoboRoo

As someone who studied exercise science (concentration in nutrition, but they were for some reason lumped together) most of my fellow students were really good people and fairly intelligent. The majority of them had goals of being a physical therapist. Getting into PT school is really fucking hard, and you could kind of tell who didn't have a chance. It was usually the dude bros who were big fish in a small pond before college. I suspect a lot of the PE teachers were these students after not being able to make the cut. I only met one guy who had the goal of teaching PE, and he was a great guy and I hope now he's doing well.


Rynneer

Yeah, our coaches were required to also teach a class. Usually they taught some kind of social studies, although I had some coaches that were also legitimately good teachers


ilovecheese2188

Also she was consistently (every day for 2 months) in the bathroom for 45 minutes? And he never thought to check in with her or her parents or have another staff member check in (like a guidance counselor or nurse who may be more trained in how to handle this kind of situation). There’s a very big chance she was just trying to get out of gym, but I feel like you have to lean on the side of believing the student long enough to be concerned that there’s a medical issue? At least long enough to flag for the appropriate people so it can be addressed. I don’t work in education so I don’t know the right channels for that but it just seems like if there’s a child in your care who’s using the bathroom for 45 minutes a day every day for months you should consider just for the length of one conversation with one person that there might be something medically wrong that should be handled privately?


International-Bad-84

Look, 90% of the time students do things like this it's because they are avoiding class. However, any seasoned teacher knows that it doesn't make the faintest difference to how you deal with it. If you have a gentle and supportive chat with a student; pointing out that "issue" is causing them to miss too much class, and say that you're concerned, and suggest supports that you can refer them to, or kindly offer to reach out to their parents to discuss the issue, the 90% quickly realise that a chat with their parents will bust their lies right open and get magically "cured" and the other 10% appreciate the support and hopefully benefit from it. OP made a rookie mistake.


no-h

This is the real issue here. A lot of comments here are questioning that he had the gall to not just take her at her word or ignore it and fail her. As a teacher, if a student is regularly missing most of my class, it's either for academic, behavioral, or medical reasons, and any of those things is concerning and I need to address it. . Has she really been on her period for 2 months? That's awful, should probably loop in the nurse and make sure parents are aware. If she can't participate in PE for medical reasons, she can get a doctor's note excusing her so she doesn't fail the class (and doesn't have to hide in the bathroom all semester.) Is she dealing with chronic anxiety about dancing in front of classmates? The counselor needs to know and maybe she can make up the activity before/after school without a crowd. Is she meeting up with her friends to sell vapes in the bathroom? Hello principal, and no you can't leave class anymore. The problem isn't that he questioned it, it's that he waited to address it until he was so frustrated that he addressed it publicly and jumped to conclusions instead actually finding out what was going on. There are discreet, appropriate ways to handle these situations, but "never question students ever" and "just fail them and move on" is not addressing the problem and is not what is best for the student.


fatsoq8

And at 48 i will assume he's a seasoned teacher. He should know better wth


ANameWithoutMeaning

INFO: If this was a pattern, why weren't you able to address your concerns with A, A's parents/guardians, or a school representative in private rather than calling her out publicly in class?


windyorbits

YTA Yup this is it. I completely understand how frustrating it can be to have a student continually not participate and use the excuse of bathroom knowing it’s an excuse you can not say no to. I believe she doesn’t want to participate in the dancing lessons, and is using the period excuse as a way to skip the lessons knowing you can’t say no. Is it possible she is having menstrual issues? Absolutely possible. She could have some medical/medication issues that other commenters have listed. Or she could just be like me who had very irregular periods that did sometimes last for months at a time. Do I personally believe that’s what’s going on? No. Either way, you have no business to even mention having a medical issue or say anything about her fuckin period. Especially in front of other student. And I think you know that. I think you know that you fucked up when you snapped at her because you were frustrated and now you’re trying to convince yourself you were right in this situation. As a teacher, or someone who works with kids, you know that if this was an actual problem (which it is) it should’ve been addressed long time ago first with the student herself, then with her parents and then with your supervisor. I mean how hard could it have been to pull the student aside and have a private conversation with her?? A real conversation about why she might be trying to avoid your lessons, how worried you might be for her health, and worried about her grade, not a lecture out of frustration. A simple conversation with her or a phone call to her parents could have saved you from this disaster. Whether you’re the asshole or not in this situation or on Reddit doesn’t really matter about what’s going on in reality. Now you have to do damage control, admit that you were wrong and kiss ass to makes things right and save your job. That is if you even want it back, at this point it might be better for you and your career to take another position at a different school.


ErikLovemonger

100%. It actually doesn't matter if you know she's lying. You let her go to the bathroom every time. You talk to your administrator/manager about what to do, and if necessary privately talk to her and tell her that she's missed too much time and will be failing unless she can get a medical diagnosis or gets cleared by admin to miss as much time as she needs. Who cares if she misses the dance part of PE? Is that really a big deal?


snakes-with-legs

Exactly. I'm sure a gym teacher wouldn't want to admit it, but a lot of what kids "learn" in PE is utterly useless. The point of PE is to give kids a chance to be active during the day, to keep them healthy and give them a bit of a break from sitting in every other class. It's no coincidence that this was the dancing unit. I'm sure the poor girl was just extremely anxious about dancing in front of her peers. I remember the dance units in my gym classes in high school, and a lot of the girls felt *so* uncomfortable with it. Especially girls dealing with being overweight or other things that made them self-conscious.


Babyrabies88

Agreed the concept is ok, but grading kids for physical activity has always seemed a bit stupid to me. 'Sorry Susie you didn't make that lay up, you get an F'. If it's really just about keeping kids active and breaking up school day monotony just pick a sport every week, have them play it and forget about grades at all. Edit: thanks for the award, internet stranger :)


DrDerpberg

OP already waited way too long to address it and is only mad he doesn't have anything to grade her on. Seems to me long before a student was anywhere near giving you "nothing to grade her on" for the semester you'd talk to other teachers or the principal. Is this affecting her other courses? Is anybody aware of a doctor's note or whatever? Is this a thing she may not even realize is a health issue (and if so, who's the right person to talk to her about it? Probably not a 45 year old male teacher who barely knows her)? OP is mega-TA.


No-Policy-4095

YTA - you will not win this one. Your next steps should be: 1. Speak with your union's legal counsel for your next steps. 2. Stop posting on social media sites trying to justify what you did and garner internet points - because all it does is show you're an asshole who loves to humiliate women/girls. 3. Educate yourself in proper ways to handle this in the future.


depressionbops

This is probably some of the most genuine advice I've seen on reddit. Also if you can, delete this post ASAP. The link will still exist but do damage control.


Njdevils11

I'm a teacher and a union rep. THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER. 1. Definitely talk to the Union president (if he has one). This most likely won't result in firing. It wasn't *that* bad an offense as things go. He spoke very very stupidly, but I'd be surprised if he got fired. As for parents suing, they can try. I think it would likely get tossed if they did. He didn't actually violate any laws or general school rules that I can think of. 2)Holy shit this one! WTF is he doing on social media?? This story is very specific and will definitely be able to be linked to him if any other teachers or students are on reddit. *This post* is more likely to get him fired than his comment. Though I do not agree that this proves OP likes to humiliate women. 3)Never comment on student's body stuff. Just don't do it. Send them to the nurse. If you think they're faking it, it isn't your place to address their health issues, send them to the nurse. When the nurse gets sick of seeing them everyday they'll start calling home and when they get a zero in PE, maybe mom and dad will figure it out.


No-Koala8996

If she really goes to the toilet for 45 minutes, why didn't you talk to her parents a long time ago?


LingonberryPrior6896

This!


No-Koala8996

He could also have asked the school nurse to check on the student.


potscfs

My friend's child had a (not period related) medical issue and she brought a pediatrician's letter to the school to meet with the teacher, nurse, vice principal and another staff I forgot, they came up with a written plan for how the student was to make up work. She got alternate phys ed and some other accomodations. After a while she was ok and didn't need them. I'm really surprised this phys ed teacher and school doesn't have a protocol for this.


LingonberryPrior6896

Yep!


chaosandpuppies

Bro. When I went on the depo shot my period lasted NINE MONTHS STRAIGHT. I literally was bleeding or spotting every day for 9 months. I also once bled through a pair of jeans onto the seat of a chair because a teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom during class. I even told her (her!!) That I was on my period and I was going to bleed through. I missed the entire next period because I had to spend the next hour cleaning myself up and changing into the spare set of pants I had (I had a really heavy period so bleeding through wasn't uncommon at all). She MAY be abusing the system (male teachers are too uncomfortable to probe when it comes to menstruation) but you have literally no idea and there are WAY better ways to address this issue to include addressing it privately with her guardians/parents. YTA and your mishandling of this situation may cost you your career.


daphydoods

Yeah I’m on Nexplanon and just came off of a 5 weeks of spotting (the covid vaccine, as much of a miracle as it is, always triggers spotting but it’s worth it). Back in college I had my period for 4 months after getting of the pill. Bodies are weird, man


chaosandpuppies

Periods are wild. I didn't have one for the entirety of basic training and I didn't re-regulate (had been regular for about 3 years prior to joining) until a year after I had graduated AND when I did, I had a 25 day cycle when previously I had a 35 day cycle. Just crazy what your body will decide to do.


onceuponafigtree

I once bled through my tampon, pad and jeans on a FERRIS WHEEL of all places, with my 2 children. 😭 it was awful and I was so embarrassed. I can't imagine how you felt as a teenager in school


chaosandpuppies

So embarrassed. I cried, went to the nurse, explained what had happened and she literally was like "just...go home, I'll excuse you for the rest of the day." And then my mom yelled at me when I got home for "using menstruation as an excuse" 🙃.


mydecember723

When I was 12 I ended up getting my period every day for a year, i thought it was normal and just accepted that I would always be bleeding. I ended up on the depo shot and it literally did nothing to help. The doctor my grandmother took me to said well all we can really do at this point is a hysterectomy. When my stepmom came into my life when I was 14, she took me to her OB/GYN who put me on the birth control patches which finally gave me a normal cycle, but she took me off that after 4 years. I had irregular periods off and on again all throughout my 20s and finally about 3 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. The body can be so weird


Newmomhalp

As a former teacher, this really breaks my heart. In ten years, I never refused a kid access to the bathroom. In fact I never even wanted them to ask for permission to use the restroom (it messes with my flow of lecturing or class discussions). I left the bathroom pass in the back of the classroom told them that one kid can use the restroom pass at a time. I told them that they didn’t have to involve me in making a basic human decision such as using the rest room. Sometimes the kids would be sleepy in the class and I would say something like, “hey, do you need a minute to get a sip of water and a walk?” And they would take it and come back more awake. I am rambling but bottom line, but teachers who deny access to the bathroom really made me mad. Such a lame power move. I’m sorry to anyone who had teachers act like this. Now, the OP said that the kid was in the bathroom for 45 minutes continuously. That should raise concerns and be dealt with privately and appropriately. But the OP was way off. I get that mistakes and losing your cool happen…but that doesn’t mean he is free of consequences.


shadow-foxe

YTA- so you chose humiliation to try and stop this. After the first month you call a meeting with the parents or send them an email. You totally missed any chance of helping her with whatever issue is going on.


kristinaEP

I would be *livid* if my kid had been missing class and the teacher didn’t bother to inform me for over a month, complete absent the additional public humiliation and misogyny.


shadow-foxe

Totally lazy teacher it seems. 2 months of this and then doesn't even bother to do what he is meant to. Most parents would want to know after the 2nd week.


No-Policy-4095

As a parent, that would be the start of my WTFin this - my child has missed class for 2 months and you never notified me? My child has missed class for 2 months claiming a medical problem and you never notified me or asked me for proof? That's half the semester!


AccuratePenalty6728

Happened to me freshman year. I ditched PE for two months and the teacher just kept marking me absent. My mom was finally called in by the assistant principal to be told I was failing and she went off. After yelling at the AP about not having been contacted sooner and “wtf is your truancy officer even for?” she stormed out and ran smack into the PE teacher himself who also received a hefty piece of her mind. I ended up making an agreement to attend and participate in every remaining class for the year, and my grade would be calculated only from that point on.


beefyFriday

How is that in any way the fault of your PE teacher


AccuratePenalty6728

I’m not saying I wasn’t a shit, but if a kid routinely doesn’t show up to class you need to do *something* besides continue to mark them absent. Our school had a full time truancy officer whose job it was to track down students marked absent and he hadn’t even been informed. I could have been anywhere doing anything during that time, and no one seemed to even notice until I was on the verge of expulsion. I was a severely bullied kid with an undiagnosed physical disability just trying not to get my ass kicked or be humiliated daily.


edwadokun

I can see your reasoning but i would have sent her to the nurse and then got her parents involved to make sure she is either lying or have real issues. YTA


Flat_Lengthiness_319

INFO: did you say this to A in private or in front of other students?


Reasonable_Rub6337

Yeah this was my question. High school PE teachers seem to have a real fetish for publicly embarrassing already awkward teenagers so it's my automatic assumption at this point.


rigg197

It breaks my heart to hear this since I had two PE teachers in high school who were pretty nice about stuff. The first one acted tough about stuff unless he saw that a student was visibly uncomfortable/upset/etc., and the second was just plain accommodating and would kind of let you just count points (or straight up just not do PE) if you were, for example, the kid that everyone would pick last. They were pretty cool, I wish that everyone had PE teachers like them.


minicoopie

Hard YTA. Should’ve been handled in private. The student could be making it up that she’s on her period…. But she might have some other really personal reason why she’s avoiding your class. PE can actually be a really embarrassing, vulnerable class for a lot of high schoolers. Also, there are in fact medical conditions that can cause bleeding more times a month than a usual period, and maybe she’s being seen for it. Your concerns are fair… but you handled it like a humongous, giant A and you deserve the fallout you’re getting. Should’ve consulted with administration on proper handling, which 100% would’ve involved private, sensitive conversation with the student and probably her parent(s). You should apologize to all involved, but don’t be surprised if the fallout continues regardless of your contrition.


[deleted]

100% agree! Being a teenager is hard enough as it is, and calling her out in the middle of class about something regarding her genitalia is frankly horrible. Spot on that it should've been handled in private, even if she was doing something sketchy, it's so much better for all parties to speak in a calm, quiet environment instead of embarrassing her in front of people she's going to see almost every day for years.


AeronwenTrewent

YTA If a child is repeatedly missing lessons then you need to escalate via school policy. But your limited understanding of female biology is no good reason to restrict a girl from the bathroom. That you said those things in front of the class is outrageous. Has it occurred to you at all that maybe she was receiving medical help, that maybe she did have a condition that made her period last a long time? that such a condition can mean she might have an embrassing leak if she participates, or if she has been bleeding for several week that she may not feel fit enough to do PE?


On_The_Blindside

YTA. If you have concerns about a students performance due to medical problems you don't: A) call them out on it infront of the entire class B) do anything without discussing it with someone more senior than you. If she's hiding from PE there is a reason for it. Solve the root cause not the symptom.


__thatbitch

Nta, while period discrepancies happen, anyone who's been to highschool knows students who always ask to use the bathroom super frequently are going to hang out with friends. And AS a woman, girls always used to use their periods as an excuse, particularly around male teachers to try to make them uncomfortable so they wouldnt be questioned. Oldest trick in the book. Edit: I made this comment in response to someone else but I think it needs to be here now. In regards to a potential serious health issue: If it was a super serious medical condition her parents would have flagged it. Because that would then mean that gym isn't the only class her period is affecting. So if we're to go down that route, then we're to believe this poor girl has been missing 45 minutes of ALL her classes and not one teacher raised a red flag?


heatherelisa1

It took way too long for me to find anyone presenting this perspective like I think the way he handled it was not cool but I also know some kids are just assholes and no one is perfect everyone had a limit and will lose their patience. And the sheer NUMBER of girls I knew in HS who lied about their period to get out of specifically gym class was A LOT like they would be like yeah I'm not feeling gym today "Hey Mr. H I'm on my period and need to use the bathroom/go to the nurse" and he would always say yes so one or two girls would use that excuse one or two would slip away while no one was looking and then one or two would ask to go to the bathroom and most every class there would always be 5 or 6 girls in the locker room fucking off avoiding gym class. Like of course it's not everyone, and most girls are probably honest and dealing with the awful their bodies are putting them though. Like personally I never did this because my friends always just walked laps and talked but anytime I went to the bathroom it always felt like I was crashing a party and would get glared at for intruding on their hangout. OP could have absolutely done things differently but I don't think he's in the wrong for being frustrated and he's certainly not wrong for feeling blindsided by a suspension like holy shit is that uncalled for. Should he have been talked to yes because there was a better way to handle this and he needs to know that this is not how sensitive issues should be handled but also the parents and kids trying to ruin this man's life for a moment of frustration is beyond bullshit. He made one mistake with the most lasting consequence being a little embarrassment like that's just highschool and if he makes things right then everyone should move on. If we don't allow people the room to make mistakes and learn from them then we will never get better.


__thatbitch

Omg a sensible person! Getting put in administrative leave is beyond fucked. And based on the sheer number of complaints from the girls friends and THEIR parents. I'm betting the og student embellished the situation.


SpaTowner

There are other reasons, sometimes it isn’t what they are going to, but what they are going *from*. This student seems to actively be avoiding dance lessons in PE. A good teacher should be looking at the student as an individual and investigating what’s going on with them that’s brought on a change. It could be body image problems, bullying or something else related to the subject she’s avoiding. Suggesting that there is a one-size-fits-all explanation is extremely short sighted.


nuts_n_bolts

I never used my period as an excuse for anything(I was also shamed into not talking about it). But you're generalizing when not every single teenage girl does this. I also never met in the bathroom to hang out with friends. See we had very different high school experiences not one in the same. Look, there is a high probability the kid is lying. But how he went about it was 100% inappropriate.


Chronic_Sardonic

YTA the situation definitely needed to be handled, but not by you telling a high school student that she needs medical help Also, somewhat tangential, but when my period started at 14 I had it for 3 weeks at a time. It is totally possible that she is having periods like that and is already trying to get them regulated (which is difficult)


MeMetski

>when my period started at 14 I had it for 3 weeks at a time Same here. The fist few years are often super irregular and heavy flows, I remember how frustrating it was to have it for weeks or multiple times a month. YTA op, if youre concerned about her health you should take it up with her parents, not shame her in PE for something you know nothing about.


depressionbops

>Also, somewhat tangential, but when my period started at 14 I had it for 3 weeks at a time I have a uterus and had no idea that was possible (I've heard 2 weeks before but not longer). That is definitely relevant info, not tangental at all. Edit: wow I had no idea these kind of issues were so common. Thank you to everyone who shared their experience!


Kimber85

I once had a period that lasted for 3 months. Granted, it was after a miscarriage, but still. It was awful too, I had the miscarriage bleeding for two months and then it stopped for like a couple weeks, and then I had a period that lasted for 3. A bad one too. Thew few times I left the house I ended up crying in a public restroom for 45 minutes because I'd had a huge clot pass and bled all over my car. I literally couldn't leave the toilet while the clots were passing, because there was SO much blood. And then, of course, I developed anemia because I was losing so much blood all the time. It was fucking awful.


Awesomedrawnmonster

YTA. If you were worried about her medically, that’s a private conversation to have. If you were worried about her academically, that’s a private conversation to have. Making it a public admonishment that included her medical and academic issues makes YTA.


[deleted]

Nta Go to your union rep. This is ridiculous. Too many kids and parents are getting away with way too much.


Freckled_daywalker

It's not "ridiculous". His underlying frustration/concern was mostly understandable. The way he handled it was very unprofessional. The pattern of behavior should have been addressed earlier, more privately, and should have actually considered that there was something medical going on that needed evaluation.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Turbojelly

1) Periods can be erratic so it could.be true. 2) If she was lying then there areuch better ways to catch her out. (Like expressing your concern and asking an appropriate member of staff to go check on her. 3) Your reaction was completely innapropiate for a teacher, making you an asshole that might get fired.


chonkosaurusrexx

Info: in these two months, what other actions did you take to figure out what was going on and how you and the student/her parents could figure this out, before you went to that extreme?


Lonerwithaboner420

NTA: tell that parents that she was skipping class by lying about constantly having her period.


No-Policy-4095

Exactly how does one go about proving that she was lying about having a period? And before you claim "Periods only last 5-7 days out of the month" - please remember that the female body did not read the medical text book written by men to follow those instructions. Not all females have cycles that work like that.


Opagea

Periods differ, but being on your period *every school day* for a month? And it takes a full 45 minutes in the bathroom to deal with it every time? OP is obviously TA for how he handled it, but this 100% comes across as "faking it to get out of PE".


kristinaEP

Google Menorrhagia, it’s a thing and extremely common in teenagers who menstruate


Lonerwithaboner420

If she's having her period every day for an entire month, she's either lying or needs to see a doctor.


No-Policy-4095

I agree. Publicly humiliating a child is not the way to resolve the issue. He could have easily "called her out" by notifying the nurse that there's a potential medical issue. One of two things happens - child may get medical help needed....or child is called out for lying.


kristinaEP

Hahahah oh man, I wish it was that cut and dried. It took me over 20years to get a diagnosis for endometriosis starting from when I first started having symptoms at 13.


MeMetski

The first few years its normal for the period flow to be long or irregular.


evelbug

Your concerns may have been justified and she was probably gaming the system, but your reaction was out of line. At the least, you should have notified the principal or department head of this and let them address it, or get a female teacher to address it. You could have been in the right to require her to make up the classes she missed is she was out for entire classes, but it's probably too late now. As someone else mentioned, you'll probably need to get your union in on this. YTA


Mundane-Grape9985

Look as a female I'll tell you this , no you aren't the asshole with telling her no because she clearly just didn't want to dance. BUT yta for how you handle it. You also won't win this fight so 🤷 take the lost


Sweet_Charming82

100% this. I don't know if, because I am a woman, I just see through the BS but I can't blame him for this and yet at the same time, as the adult in the situation he should have known better.


alge1547

Yeeeesh YTA. You're a professional, why didn't you speak to her first about this? There is obviously a reason she isn't participating, I don't understand why you didn't try and find out what it was first. How did you think this was ever going to work out any other way? She may have actually been on her period this time, or there may be something medical going on that she's feeling embarrassed about, any other teenage anxiety related issue, etc etc. The chances of the issue being as simple as 'she just doesn't like dancing so much that she'd rather hide in a toilet for 45 minutes' is vanishingly small. It's so obvious that something else was going on and you were the person with the responsibility to try and find out, address it, raise concerns. Instead you shamed her in front of her classmates and made yourself look like a sexist AH. The only way you'll earn any respect back at this point is apologising, trying to understand how you went wrong, and demonstrating more empathy.


theflyinginsect

YTA. Sure, she is probably just skipping class, but YTA for calling it out in the way you did. Let her go to the bathroom when she says she needs to, but also grade her on the work/effort she puts in. If she fails, she fails. If she has a medical condition that precludes her from participating in the class, then that is a conversation that should be had privately with the administration, the student, the parents, and yourself. You called out a potential medical issue to the entire class. Even if you don't think that the medical issue is legitimate, it should still be treated as a medical issue.


whynot246810

NTA- She was ditching class, and because you are male, she used the period excuse. If you were female, I guarantee she wouldn't have used that excuse. Unfortunately for you, you should have went through the proper channels to call her out on it. Now the district can come down on you for it.


Darlin_Yeehaw

Hello 🙋🏻‍♀️ Speaking as a student who has done this and been in this situation I would say ESH. I had a similar situation back in HS where I kid you not, bled straight for 6 months and it was HEAVY flows too. Like tampon, and two pads thick, it was ridiculous tbh. For my instance, I knew in the beginning when the Dr.s didn’t even know what it was that it was going to cause trouble at school so I warned most of my teachers, had medical notes, and the like and was set in that way. I couldn’t do PE most times because any movement would have me soaking through my stuff within 30-45 minutes so I just essentially became a TA for my PE teacher. Add to note - I would have to go change toiletries every hour. Like I said, RIDICULOUS. Now it doesn’t seem like she let you know if anything was up though so I would definitely think that she either 1. Was nervous if something was up and hurting and didn’t want to tell you since you are a male or 2. she was meeting up with pals to hangout or whatever during PE because I know of kids that did that too. Either way if she has any issues medically like that she or her parents should have mentioned it to the school and/or you so you would have that knowledge and not call her out in front of the damn class smh. Now onto you, if my teacher ever called me out like that without calling me to the side to ask if there were any issues or ask my parents/ nurse, I would be PISSED. I would definitely say you are the AH. I wouldn’t feel comfortable in that environment again or trust a teacher who I feel like would call me out in front of everyone again. I honestly wouldn’t trust you then with any medical info. like that either. Since we don’t know if she did have medical issues and you just weren’t notified or was just hanging with friends AND you calling her out without reaching out to her privately or her parents…. I will say ESH.


queenanne85

Just letting you know, for your vote to count, it's E-S-H, without the dashes. For "everyone sucks here."


SkullBearer5

Dude, as a teacher, you never, never accuse a student of breaking rules unless you have 100% proof they are, for EXACTLY that reason. If you suspect something, you chase it up OUTSIDE of class with the student's other teachers and parents, and your superiors.


Away_Refuse8493

YTA Holy shit, not your business. When I was in high school, we had 2 days excused absence per month (we had PE twice a week) for women's issues, but had to make up the time after school. Some of the girls chose this route often, but there is subtext here that if there is a medical issue, it needs to be addressed. Granted, your school is also TA for not having a policy, but no way in hell should you ever speak that way to a teenage girl about her body.


saki4444

YTA - would you have snapped at a student for a different medical issue that prevented them from participating? I hope not. If you only do this with “lady” medical issues then yes, you’re being sexist. You aren’t a doctor. So it’s not up to you to decide whose medical problems are acceptable and whose aren’t. Irregular and even constant periods are not unheard of, especially when you’re young and your periods are just starting. She likely is getting medical help for it, and if she isn’t, she needs someone to *appropriately* alert the proper people that there may be a medical issue (I’m not sure what the appropriate channels are for teachers, but I assume it involves the school nurse and/or the student’s parents and NOT a sarcastic outburst possibly in front of other students). You fucked up.


crckhre

NTA I hated PE and used my period as an excuse multiple times but A took it a bit too far. Even with cramps 45 min in the bathroom are too much


Background_Ruin_3631

Unless she has PCOS or endometriosis, where clotting can cause her to want to sit on the toilet for a long time. My office treats girls with these conditions, and they absolutely are the worst. I feel so bad for these girls.


Objective_Oil_7934

YTA for how you handled it. Since you noticed her excuse was used too often you should have talked to the principal before exploding. Then a meeting with the girls parents should have been done. Perhaps she does have some medical issue and didn’t want to discuss it with you.


charlevoidmyproblems

When I was in 7th grade, I got my period for the first time. And it didn't stop for months. I was miserable and had HUGE clotting and various other issues. YTA. Maybe she needs a doctor but that would be a concern to bring to leadership not to scream at a girl


thatsunshinegal

YTA for handling this in front of other students rather than privately with the student and her parents. You noticed a pattern of behavior. That doesn't give you free reign to give unsolicited public medical advice. Clearly, your student has a problem with dancing - maybe she's self-conscious about her appearance in front of her peers, maybe it's sensory overload, or maybe she's got some shit going on in her personal life and this is just too much on top of that. You handled this poorly and you deserve the suspension.


ladyblue56

ESH you should’ve discussed the situation with her privately, involving your principal and her parents if necessary. The way you handled it, you made it a bigger issue. She’s the AH for either using the same excuse thinking she can get away with it or if she really has a medical issue, not getting her doctor involved to get her a medical excuse for the term.


akiraMiel

I'm saying ESH. You're TA for many of the reasons listed above but your student isn't innocent in this either.


Bdonovan1006

YTA and a stereotypical gym teacher taking their job too seriously. If you were actually concerned you would have addressed it discretely instead of attempting to shame the girl


TenTwenty122

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used the period excuse to get out of things. Sure they may hurt and make me feel like death once a month but they do work wondered for getting me out of things I don’t want to do. I honestly don’t know what to say cause it’s a bit of a rude thing to do (especially if it was in front of the other kids) but knowing how often I used this I don’t feel to bad. Also is she a little slow? Come on if she was lying what person claims to be on their period every day


Particular-Coffee-52

YTA because you embarrassed her in front of everyone. You could have reached out to her parents first and explained the situation, or even talked to the principal of the school to get their help. I do think you were in the right to not let her use the washroom, but you could have handled it better. Some people do get their period more than once a month, I will sometimes have 2-3 months in a row where I get it twice a month. BUT I don’t need to go to the washroom for 45 minutes. Obviously if she is asking to go to the washroom every single PE class and leaves for 45 minutes she just wants to get out of PE. Idk how long classes are at your school but when I was in high school classes were 65-85 minutes long, so leaving for 45 minutes would be leaving for most of the class.


sugarintheboots

NTA, but before this escalated, you should have enlisted the help of either the principal or other staff to inform them of this student’s poor progress & ridiculously long bathroom breaks. Now you’re in an untenable position from which to proceed to go back to teaching without a blight on your record. I would be looking for new employment after the end of the year.


pnutbuttercups56

INFO Did you say this to her in front of the class? Why haven't you mentioned this to the school before? If she's gone 45 minutes multiple days it's surely something you can mention to the administration.


eldarwen9999

Same, my period comes and goes as it pleases, even on birth control. Never a wise thing to argue about. Apologies are in order for the simple fact that you can't know this for sure. What you can do next time is just give her the lowest score and write as a remark. Did not participate. Do you have hallpasses or something that you can use to actually prove she leaves the classroom. Being gone an entire period of class is wierd


Avocadosarecool2000

NTA but unfortunately, even as a female teacher, you have to go through channels. You document each and every incident in detail and use that to explain why she will fail.


Lojo_

YTA, only in how you blew up at her. Should've just let her keep leaving and given her a zero/fail grade.


TheAlistmk3

YTA, I can kind of understand where you coming from disbelieving, when I was at school girls used to openly admit to us about lying about periods to get out of PE. However, you handled this entirely wrong, you should have quietly told her she will fail if she doesn't complete the work, the exact same as any other student. No need to call her out Infront of everyone. Also, speak to other teachers, I understand that women's periods are not always predictable, but if they always seem to only play up when in PE, that's kind of strange.


kristinaEP

Do not, under any circumstances, try to talk about a students undisclosed medical issue with other teachers in a bid to prove she’s lying. Good grief. Bring it to your admin, notify the parents, and leave it be.


Adept_Midnight_1513

Personally, I'd say YTA. People have conditions that cause them to bleed multiple times a month. Certain birth controls cause women to CONSTANTLY bleed. Whenever I bleed, gym is the absolute last thing I want to do. Not only because the extra movement can cause leaks, but the severe cramping that follows leaves me a curled up husk on the floor. Even if she was faking, you had no right to call her out in front of her peers without knowing the full picture. If you had concerns, you should have set up a meeting with her parents and let them decide what was going on with their daughter. You calling her out like that could have set her up for some serious long term bullying. You. Are. The. Asshole.


Steups13

Yta. I know someone who had her period for 9 months straight. You should have spoken to her in private instead of berating her in front of the whole class


[deleted]

Dude, not a dispute you can ever win.


J0sey_W4les_23

ESH - You should have just failed A.


Throwaway-2587

YTA for how you handled that. Did it ever occur to you to have a conversation with A? Ask her if something was up, because you noticed she's said she had her period quite a few times in a short amount of time. When someone recently got their period it can be very irregular. Like twice a month or extra long and then nothing for a period. There were many steps you should've taken before snapping at her. And if the school put you on leave immediately, I have to wonder if this was the first time you messed up a situation. I'd focus on how you can fix this and not on getting people on your side.