By - daughterlunch
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because Emily's staying with her dad full time and isn't talking to me, Laura, or my husband.
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Also, what kind of man are you married to where he expects your ex husband to provide his daughter w/ lunch?
YTA she has a part time job, what makes you think taking dads 25/wk will change anything? This is not the solution you are hoping for.
YATA I would definitely stay at my dads always if my mom asked me to use my money to pay for my step sisters food. She didn’t have a kid or agree to parent someone else’s. Your kids look up to you but you decide that you’re going to leave one for the other and then ask if you’re the Ahole. Your child will look at you differently because of this too and you can’t blame her. You put someone else’s child even though they’re your step daughter above your own child and your child saw that. You should apologize for being a shit parent and never put your daughter in that position. Also, many of us have ADHD and depression, keeping myself occupied is what helped me out. I worked, was in clubs/organizations and had AP and honors classes. Don’t use it as an excuse and say it’s hard when so many of us live with it but manage it because we don’t use it as a crutch.
The fact that you expect your daughter who works for her own money to support your step daughter who doesn’t is messed up.
Plus her dad gives her money because it’s his daughter. Your ex is not responsible for the happiness of your step daughter.
YTA. Way to alienate your daughter and favour your step daughter. Emily works and get money from HER dad. If it's so important to Laura to have lunches off campus, you can either shell out for it or she can get a job on her own. Also don't tell me someone who is in sports is not used to disappointment of not getting something. I doubt she came home crying. Also, I was diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and on the autism spectrum as a young teen and I still had a part time job along with various school activities. So no excuse there. Emily is not responsible for keeping her sister fed or making her happy. That's you and your husband's job. No wonder Emily bailed on you.
YTA. You are enabling your step daughter to be a spoiled brat. If Laura wants to eat out more then she can get a job. If she would rather play sports than work, that’s no ones problem but hers.
What. I had ADHD and depression and I worked since I was 14 until forever.
People with ADHD often function completely differently at work and I learned a lot of important life and coping skills. It was also really good for my depression.
YTA If you want your step daughter to have lunch money give it to her it shouldn't be on your daughter. I'm sure these types of situations are more reason she lives with him and not you.
Look, I sympathize, but YTA. You cannot expect someone else to run their household differently to accommodate your stepdaughter's feelings.
YTA, but not for the reasons people think. I agree that if Emily is working she shouldn’t be getting lunch money from her father. And I get why you want her to pack her own lunch.
HOWEVER, it’s your reasoning that tanks you. You’re more concerned with Laura’s feelings then being a parent. Laura is old enough to understand that other people are not responsible for her. And you should be teaching her that if she wants money she needs to work for it. I have ADHD(probably) and depression. I still work. Mental illness is not an excuse to do nothing with your life and you’re setting Laura up to be a spoiled brat.
YTA - you’re prioritising someone elses kid over your own? your daughter works for her own money and can spend it how she likes. she’s not there to be a bank account for your step kid who cba to get a job. if Laura can’t pay her back, Emily is not going to buy her things, simple as.
YTA good God how do you not realize. Your daughter has to pound on her own door because her "sister" locks her out. Apparently with your blessing bc you justify it. You are just about the biggest YTA I have ever read here.
You sound like that mum who had a go at another mum because they wouldn't let their kid play in the disabled childs wheelchair.
YTA, I have ADHD and worked a fast food job in highschool with no issues and continue to work with adhd as an adult perfectly fine. If you teach your daughter she doesn't have to work because of the excuse of adhd and depression she's going to keep using it. Plus she chose to do sports, if she can't make time for a job to get fast food that's her choice. You shouldn't be pushing away your daughter because her dad gives her 25$ a week. A fast food meal typically goes for like 7-13$ now, I doubt that 25$ last long, she's definitely using her own money to buy herself food that she made at her own job. Why should she have to buy food for her step sister, she's not entitled to it. I've never asked for my biological brother to buy me food without being able to pay him back later.
You need to reevaluate your parenting skills, because if you continue with what you're doing you're daughter will end up cutting you off.
So Emily works for a living as well as getting what is actually a pretty small sum from her dad right? And she doesn't give her friends money she lends it to them knowing she'll get paid back?
And you want her father to stop her allowance because your daughter doesn't work?
While I empathise with Laura that's not Emily's fault. And you now want her to be stopped money because of it?
Sorry, YTA. No wonder Emily lives with her father if this is your attitude.
YTA. All the way. Laura is an entitled whiner, and it is not Emily's problem. Honestly, it seems like you are favouring Laura over Emily, and it is easy to see why Emily prefers her father. It's not Emily's responsibility to feed your stepdaughter.
Make Laura get a job, stop creeping on her stepsister, and if she can't do the first one, YOU FEED HER YOURSELF.
Hate these kinds of parents who neglect their own flesh and blood for their new partners Children.
Then to put the cherry on top, you are trying to get her father to punish her and neglect her too…
So that your step child won’t feel bad…
Also…Step daughter can’t work!
It’s so hard to work! O.o
But daughter can work! And she gets money from her dad, so she can spoil and give stepDaughter treats, to make poor, sweet Stepdaughter feel beter
What a model mom! /S
Yea dont pull the child into this its between you and him.
Yta major asshole vibes when I was in HS I was in literally every sport that I could and same goes with clubs. In the 9th I developed anxiety (it was due to genetics and it happened at a basketball game when I was cheerleading) and depression around 12/13 years old. Guess who has adhd after being diagnosed in the 6th grade? Me!! I was also a CNA by the time I was 16 years old (nursing home). Having mental illness does cause some sort of long ass detour but it doesn’t mean it’s an excuse. Laura isn’t your ex’s daughter that’s your daughter.
YTA: you're just going to end up being estranged from your daughter at this rate and she and her step sister will not get along. Just because Emily has a part time job and gets allowance doesn't mean she has to share with the other. Laura could work as well but you say she can't because of sports and depression, it still isn't Emily's job to provide for Laura. It's yours.
Kinda feels like you’re choosing Laura’s feelings over your own daughters.. Why would your ex even care about feeding a child that’s not his?? Your husband should be doing that
Welp, that solved itself.
You have spent a lot of time trying to control your daughter's lunch money. Why don't you spend some of that time to earn some money to give to your other daughter so she can enjoy lunch too?
Your ex is your ex for a reason. You no longer get to tell him what to do. Especially when it comes to his money and daughter. If his actions don't harm Emily, then you have no right to interfere.
The money he gives her is hers and he can give her money if he wants. They both work.
Laura's feelings are not your husband's responsibility. Much less her sister's.
If your family can't afford to give her 25 then she should understand.
There's something called staying in your financial lane.
YTA. I won't bother explaining why, so many other comments do it better.
Yta what Emily’s dad gives to her has nothing to do with Laura. In life Laura needs to learn that you are not entitled to everything even if she has adhd and depression,
YTFA- gee get a grip.
“I tried to explain that Laura is sports and she has ADHD and depression so it would be hard for her to work”
She’s is sports, ok no reason not to work
ADHD and depression, not nice but not a reason not to work either
Hard for her to work - hard, not impossible.
You’re a terrible parent teaching your child that it is easier to tell everybody to stop doing their thing and their freedoms instead of accepting things aren’t fair and that you need to work hard to achieve what you want.
YTA and your ex is 100% right, Laura and her emotions are not his or Emily’s problem.
YTA. Who cares whether your daughter gets lunch from school or someplace else. It’s also not your exes job to feed someone else’s child. Emily wants to hang out and eat lunch with her friends as most teenagers do and they’re not taking advantage of her. It’s not Emily’s job to feed her sister and Laura needs to learn how to regulate her emotions
YTA. I have ADHD and depression, and if those two things are preventing her from working, that means something needs to change regarding Laura's therapist or meds (if she’s even on any). This is in no was Emily's fault, and your a bad parent for trying to make her use *her own* money to buy her step sister (that she barely seems to interact with) food
Looks like op is trying hard to please the husband and his daughter.
YTA. $25 she ain’t getting much if she buys for several people and they pay her back. That’s like $5 a day.
Do you realise how ridiculous you sound asking Emily and your ex to stop her from buying lunch because you and Laura can’t afford it.
Why does Laura feel entitled to get a free lunch?
Also you can’t dictate what your ex and Emily spend their money on.
Setting a reminder for 2 years when she never speaks to you again and we get the follow up post where you “can’t for the life of you figure out why your daughter did this. I hope you’re still getting notifications and read this. I hope your other kids also realize you and your current husband are garbage people
YTA they are two separate people, do you understand this? They are not twinned. They are not joined at the hip. If you want Laura to have lunch off campus, give her the money. If you can't afford it, maybe explain that to her. Also that is five bucks a day, it's not like they are going to Chez Panisse. I understand not everyone can afford five bucks a day, but if that is the case, then work with Laura so she understands your family financial situation.
YTA. Your ex-husband is responsible for his child Emily. That's it. The feelings of your stepdaughter whom your ex has no relationship to or responsibility for is not his concern.
Yeah YTA here. I feel like I don’t even need to explain my reasoning.
Millions of adults have ADHD and Depression and still manage to work and support entire family's. That's no excuse. She manages to do her sport, so why cant she also work part time.
YTA, although I understand where you're coming from even if I don't agree with your takeaway on the subject. It's put you in a situation of "that's not fair!" from your other daughter, but your ex is correct in saying that is you and your husband's problem, not his. You need to sit down the daughter who lives with you and tell her life isn't fair and what Emily gets from her father is out of your control, that you wish you could give her lunch money like that but you don't have it to give. Taking away from one daughter to make another happy isn't the way to go. Laura is 15 and can find some sort of suitable way to make a small income of some sort, whether it's making little crafts of some kind to sell online or bagging some groceries a few hours a week.
Sorry but you"re the YTA here. Read what you just wrote maybe you'll understand
YTA. You are literally saying your daughter has to go without because of someone else's issues. Your daughter may have an easier life, but wouldn't you want that for her? We are all supposed to want better for our kids than ourselves. This is a time for you and your husband to step up as parents and teach step daughter that life treats everyone different fair or not and being jealous gets you nowhere.
YTA. You're so entitled that I-
YTA. Not Emily’s responsibility to make Laura happy. I have ADHD and depression and worked through high school. Mental illness isn’t an excuse to shirk responsibilities and get freebies from other people.
Laura is not your ex's responsibility, and Laura is not Emily's responsibility. It's YOUR responsibility to find other ways to cheer Laura up and feed her. There is no such thing as free lunch. If you can't afford to give Laura money to pay Emily back, then Laura doesn't get lunch.
Just because Emily gets something doesn't mean Laura is entitled. And by trying to teach your stepdaughter that she is entitled, and demanding that Emily doesn't get anything if Laura can't, you're only going to further damage what little relationship there is between Emily and Laura--and you're also damaging the relationship between yourself and Emily. It's no wonder she stays with your ex if you're trying so hard to force her to be friendly with Laura.
I was in afterschool activities with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, and I worked a retail job. Don't make excuses for Laura, and don't let her make her own if she wants spending cash for fun things.
I think ESH.
You suck for thinking it's anyone else's responsibility to buy your kid lunch.
Emily sucks because knowing Laura can't afford off campus lunch and (assuming) going to her favorite place to rub it in is petty.
Your ex sucks for lack of empathy but at the end of the day, he doesn't owe you or your kid anything. And he's a narc.
Laura sucks for thinking anyone else owes her something. And also sounds like a narc.
But I will say this, if I were in these kids' shoes, I would be a bit hurt if my sibling went off campus and never brought me something back at least every once in a while. Be nice to your siblings? But hey, maybe they don't get along. And at the end of the day, off campus lunch is a NICE, not a NEED.
Emily doesn't owe laura anything. The ex sounds like a great father actually. Despite him being rich, he still thaught emily responsability and the valor of money. And his wife sounds even better. And he doesn't have to give her less money just because laura doesn't have any. Emily and laura aren't siblings. Would you also be hurt if your sibling would often lock you out of your shared room? You should really read op's comments.
YTA. If you only want Emily to get lunch for Laura once in a while, why can’t you just send Laura with a few bucks one day a week and then she can get lunch away from school?
Wow you are a dick…
YTA: Just reading this I cringe. I thankfully had a very supportive mother. And we were on the low spectrum of things. But never once did I have to share even with my siblings money or food I bought for myself. Hell when I was 17 my baby brother was 15 he was making more money then I was yet I was still buying from concessions. We both worked part time jobs. But he chose to spend his money on clothes and cars and or car parts I chose to save most of my money. When he asked for food and if I had I said yeah here is some money but never once did he throw a tantrum when I told him no. But let's put that into perspective. He was my biological baby brother. If he was my step sibling it would have been a HELL NO and get a Job. And no having adhd does not mean you can't work. Even for a person with no mental disorders it's hard going to work and school and do extra curriculars and I did that all. So it is very possible.
ADHD: A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness..
So with that definition does your SD impulsively take your bio daughters things with out consent maybe you should look into ur SD impulsiveness side of things. And maybe find out what's happening with the daughter you birthed when she's around your SD.
YTA, she can get a job. If she can’t then she needs to Recognize the repercussions. Sobbing over not getting your favorite food seems ridiculous to me. Now if she wasn’t getting fed at ALL this would be a different story.
Just because YOU can't provide the money, doesn't mean your daughter should go without because her dad can afford it.
You're gonna end up building a resentment between her and her step sister and it's not fair. Get a grip and leave her dad alone to give her what he wants.
Be grateful she has another parent that actively wants to provide for her and give her little luxuries, not every child has that ffs
NTA. By now you've found that most people on this sub lack compassion and whose general attitude boils down to "If they don't owe it to you then fuck you." Unfortunately it seems your ex shares this lack of compassion. I'm a family law attorney, and because of that background I'm reading into this that it isn't as much about Laura not having the same opportunity but that you can't afford to give *both* Emily and Laura the money. That leaves you with choosing between inequality within your household or inequality between you and your ex's household. Neither are ideal, especially with how self-centered and cruel teenagers can be. They lack awareness of what it takes to support an entire household and fail to fathom that material things like lunch money have nothing to do with being a good parent or loving them.
While your husband is correct that it isn't his concern how Laura feels, I don't believe that you're an asshole for bringing this up with him. It also bears on raising your daughter to be kind to others and willing to help those with less. As you mentioned you'd be happy if she at least occasionally bought Laura some food. He certainly could have put it a different way or at least heard you out before shutting down further conversations. Many people seem to have missed Laura's options to work are limited since she's 15 and any job that would take her would require someone transporting her which may not be an option. In any event, his decision to inform Emily of adult conversations is entirely inappropriate, and any therapist or judge would tell him that he's harming his daughter just to feel superior to you and cause difficulties with your relationship with her.
I think the best you can do is take Emily out by yourself when she's with you, explain where you're coming from (compassion for others, etc.), and tell her that you're going to leave the decision up to her and not talk about it anymore. You should also mention that it isn't OK for her father or you to involve her in disagreements between the two of you and that you don't plan to discuss any conversations between you and her father even if that means you don't get to defend yourself.
Good luck, and I hope that things end up well for you.
YTA, Emily is not sharing a room with Laura. She is allowed in when Laura wants Laura locks the door. It's your husbands job to support his kids and you to support yours. It seems like Emily is being pushed out for your new family.
YTA, god just listening to this made me so mad, I can see why Emily doesn't want to live with you. It's her money so she should decide what she wants to do with it, you can't force nun on her. Praying for Emily rn
YTA - that is your stepdaughter. Your daughter is not responsible for hurt feelings or jealousy that her step sister may have. She has a part time job and she only buys her friends lunch because they pay her back. Your making excuses and are trying to force your daughter to do something she shouldn’t have to do. If you want your step daughter to be able to buy lunch once in a while then you need to give her money for that. It sounds like she lives with her dad because you pick favorites and your daughter is very much aware of that fact
YTA- Your ex is right, him and your daughter are not in charge of making sure your other daughters feeing don’t get hurt. It’s better she learn that now then when she gets into the real world (sounds like you still have not grasped that, I’m seeing why he left you).
YTA, you should ask your ex to give Laura lunch money if it’s such a problem rather than making him stop giving Emily lunch money. Also $25 is $5 for five days a week. Laura CAN get a job, I have ADHD and I had extracurriculars in high school and I had a job during my junior year, so you saying she’s incapable of working is pretty ableist.
YTA. Your child has already had to leave her home, now you're trying to impose this girl on her at school and ruin lunch with her friends, too? Get a grip, woman, and take a look at what you're doing.
YTA. Your daughter works part time and seems like a good kid. Her father gives her money to buy lunch. You demanding that he not do that because Laura isn’t happy about it is not fair. Your trying to penalize one child because the other one wants what she has, instead of explaining to Laura that Emily has a job and gets help from her father.
You're so much the asshole here it is not even funny.
You can't afford to give Laura that kind of money? Thats your problem, sweetheart, not Emily's.
Emily has a part time job and buys food for people she KNOWS will pay her back.
Even if her father - the better parent here, in my opinion - stopped giving her money, she could still afford lunch, he's just supplementing.
Stop coddling Laura. She's never going to get anywhere in life with you saying she can't do anything because she has ADHD and depression.
And stop trying to punish Emily for your inability to be a decent parent.
No wonder she's chosen to live with her father over you.
YTA - I read through your comments and to me it sounds like you are jealous of your ex-husbands and his wife's wealth and have some self entitled complex going on that he should also provide for your family when he has no obligation to. You need to grow up and teach your stepdaughter that life isn't fair and no amount of whining is going to make it be that. I think you need to stop looking on the other side of the fence and wishing for grass that is greener and maybe do something to help yourselves. Laura is 15, she can get a part time job for extra money. Either you or your husband could get a second job or you could make some cutbacks in your budget if you want Laura to have lunch money. Emily and her Dad do not owe you or Laura anything at all and all you are doing is raising an entitled brat that thinks everyone should give her stuff just because
Yesss ur definitely TA so ur telling me u can't afford to give ur step daughter lunch money and she is to much of a brat to work so u want ur daughter Emily who works hard for that money may I remind u and her dad is giving her extra money for her hard work to buy her braty step sister lunch cause u can't afford such a control freak no wonder ur daughter doesn't want to live with u imagine how she feels when her own mother loves her step daughter more than her what about how is she feeling have u thought of her feelings then u have the audacity to ask if ur the TA
You and your stepdaughter are ENTITLED!
Its not your daughter or your ex's problem to buy your stepdaughter lunch, ever. Period.
Tell your stepdaughter to get a job. She could easy babysit for extra cash then she could buy lunch. Its not your ex's responsibility or your daughter's to buy lunch for someone neither is actually related to.
YTA. I’m wagering a guess that having to share a room isn’t the only reason why she prefers her fathers house…..
You are the asshole. Wether you like it or not it is very obvious Emily doesn’t like Laura and no matter how you feel you can not force a relationship. It is not Emily’s or your ex’s responsibility to worry about your step daughter. By you trying to force Emily into getting her lunch or getting her father to stop giving her money for the sake of your step daughter will only make your relationship with your daughter even worse than it was before seeing as she chooses her father over you.
YTA. I worked with orthopedic surgeons who's pay per year would cap out at $500k. Even the ones who are married to doctors are not multimillionaires. Depending on the age they have college to pay off, dues for associations, dues for buying into a practice.
One child should not be funding the lunch of the other. Yeah, it sucks for your stepdaughter but best to learn about disappointment now. She is not entitled to anything and is owed nothing.
YTA. Emily isn't living with her father because she has to share a bedroom, she's living with her father because of you. If Laura wants restaurant food, Laura should get a job.
Laura is not entitled to Emily's food/money/etc just because her dad and you married.
I can’t believe this post is real but on the off chance it is do you not the irony in the fact you can’t afford to give your step daughter lunch money but expect your daughter who is 16 to.
YTA and creating the kind of woman that doesn't know how to stand on her own feet. Get her a therapist. I know depression and ADHD suck, but you gotta give kids and adults coping skills to live their lives. Teach how to cope with life. Don't coddle her.
YTA. You keep playing favorites with your step daughter. I don't know if it's because you want her to like you or just because your generally favorite her. But I hope it's worth the risk of Emily going no contact with you. You're pushing your bio daughter away in order to make Laura happy and turning Laura into an entitled person.
Let's also go over the fact you're trying to force your daughter to spend her own money on someone who can't pay her back versus people who can. Even if her friends didn't. You have no right to dictate what she spends her money on nor when her father gives her money. Why not start a small allowance for Laura for doing certain chores or something if you're that set on that?
I'm glad Emily chooses to stay with her father most of the time. Because it sounds major favoritism is going on here "Oh well Laura is affected by this!" Or "well Laura doesn't like this.." when does Emily come to play? When do her feelings matter?
Where can she get lunch for 5$ a day at restaurants? Give your child money or help her make delicious lunches that will be the envy of others.
Putting two similarly aged teenage strangers in a room and telling them they're sisters. I get it if you don't have room but you seem to have not considered that at all.
Those are her friends, she can spend time with how she wants. She is not friends with her stepsister. She doesn't control how much money you have.
The audacity you have to ask this of her? Are you kidding me? I don't know where you work but what if your boss brought some random lady from a completely different branch of the company you've never met and told you this is your friend now go pay for her lunch
Lmao yikes...tell us you chose your stepdaughter over your daughter without saying you.... actually scratch that you basically said it. YTA. I don't think you're going to be able to fix this.
Sorry, YTA, it sucks but it happens
Your daughter needs to get a job sooner or later, she may as well do it now with the extra support you give her
YTA big time and not only are you failing your daughter as a parent but also your step daughter.
Your approach reeks of jealousy towards your ex and you're taking it out on poor Emily. And at the same time you're enabling Laura's entitlement and setting her up for future failure.
Your ex is 100%, right that it's not his or Emily's responsibility to take care of Laura's insecurities (which you're not even addressing and infact pitting it on emily)
Info: What restaurant can you buy multiple meals in a week for $25?!
YTA, your ex is trying to make sure your child have things in life, and if she don't spend it on lunch then you can use the money for other things in life. she is doing a part to make sure your child feels like she is loved, and not only that they are make sure they have a role in their life.
Yes you are the asshole. You can't force her to buy the other girl lunches just because you can't afford it. Get over it dude. Laura will get a part time job soon maybe and then she can afford it too
YTA. Your ex giving Emily lunch money is not a crime and it seems there is no restriction by the school to leave campus for lunch. Obviously she is not friends with Laura and doesn't want to include her in the benefit. That's her choice and you cannot force that. Laura would rather be in sports than work. While I get that she feels left out, she needs to get over it. As much as you wish for things between these two girls to be perfectly equal, it's not going to happen. They do not live 24/7 in the same house, nor share the exact same parents.
This is a good learning experience for Laura. Things are not forcefully split up equally in life. And yes, Emily will resent you with good reason
Is OP stupid, or stupid and a control freak?
YTA. you do realize that it’s not her responsibility to give Laura money or food, right? and if you know that most of Emily’s money comes from working, why would she give it up to Laura? i can see why she’s living with her dad
YTAH and the “logic” you’re using is pushing your daughter away and going to cause a huge rift in you and your child’s relationship as well as within the family! Laura’s father and you need to step up and handle this appropriately and that does not include calling your EX and guilting him and your daughter into buying your stepdaughter lunch. Get real and do it fast!! You’re the example of a woman to these young ladies!!
Lol my dude. I have PTSD, ADHD, and chronic depression. I’ve been working since 11 years old. You are just making excuses for your kid.
YTA - because the dad is right Laura’s feelings are not his or Emily’s responsibility.
YTA, you suck as a parent
YTA You not being able to afford 25 dollars a week is your problem not your daughters. Life is not equal they will never get everything the same.
Yta how is this hard to understand how about you start worrying about what you have and not others
YTA. You need to insist Laura’s mom and dad get her into therapy. She is obsessed with your daughter. If she is in sports that is her priority over a job. Laura can work if she wanted to. Don’t blame adhd and depression. If you cannot afford lunch money for your spouse’s kid either you or he needs to get a second job.
YTA and you seem to be learning nothing based on your comments. If you keep this up I can guarantee emily will want nothing to do with you, so you won’t have to worry about parenting her anymore.
YTA, this is a great opportunity for Laura to learn that not everything is split “fairly”.
Lol YTA and holy crap, So so blind
You're definitely the asshole.
YTA. Stop the favoritism before you alienate your daughter further.
Book an appointment with the school counselor to ask for guidance (therapy) for Laura.
YTA, why should your daughter pay for her step sister if you wanted Emily to include your stepdaughter you should pay for her meal, and don't expect it to be a daily thing. Your stepdaughter needs to get used to people she knows buying things like takeaways for themselves.
This isn't an issue between Laura and Emily. It's an issue of how you parent. She doesn't get money for lunch like Emily? Tough shit. Teach Laura that life's not fair. They're teenagers for crying out loud, she should know better that ALL kids dont have the same things.
Be a better parent.
YTA honestly one of the most obvious judgements on this entire site and you don't seem capable of understanding why. I'd be fascinated to learn what the college plans are. I assume having Emily doing sweatshop labour to pay for Laura's college. Yes sounds right.
Whoa! Mom! Nope, just nope. You lost the right to fully control your daughter when you broke up with her father and showed favor to a stepdaughter of the same age. Somehow, you chose a new partner with a house not big enough for your child; do you wonder that her father feels she needs some extra? Your stepdaughter's choices are not your ex's problem. And at Laura's age, she shouldn't be expecting her stepmother's ex to provide for her, as well. Life's not always fair, y'all need to grow up and realize that.
YTA. While I understand that you want to keep things fair between the siblings, and cannot provide lunch money for Laura, you have no right to force someone to share if they don't want to, even if it's your own daughter, especially from money she earned/received from her father, if it was money from you then you have somewhat of a right to police it, but if it's money earned from her working or from someone else, you have no right to police it in any kind of way. You can ask, the request was denied, and now you can't do anything but explain to Laura about Privilege and how there will be people who are treated way better than her, who would have meals paid for, who would be able to go on vacations and whatnot, but also that there are people that are treated worse than her. Laura is not entitled to Emily's money in any kind of way, if you keep forcing Emily, eventually she'll go no contact with you, and in the end nothing will be solved, and everything just gets worse. My advice is to salvage your relationship with Emily by not policing her money, and her privilege that she receives from her rich father and stepmother. You have no right. Yes it's not fair, but that's the way the world is, and no one is entitled to another person's money.
YTA completely. You're saying that because you can't afford to give your stepdaughter $25 a week for her to buy school lunches that your ex shouldn't give your daughter money for her lunches either. Do you hear how insane that sounds? Your daughter lived with you, then you got married and moved her stepfather and stepsister in. Then you and SF decided to have 2 more children, but only have a 3 bedroom house, so you put the two teenage girls in a room together. Have you never met 2 teenage girls who don't get along well? How did you think this was a good idea. Why would you have 2 more children if you can't afford $25 a week in school lunches for SD? Do you and SF work? Were you previously living on the money you received in child support or something?
YTA, can see why he’s an ex and why your feather lives with him. Glad you’re entitled
YTA, do you hear yourself? Emily's isn't responsible for providing lunches for your step kid, that's your and Laura's fathers job.
Why should Emily get less from her own dad because you somehow think Emily is a surrogate parent for Laura?
All of this over $25 bucks a week? Jesus dude give your other daughter some money for McDonald’s or tell her to work a couple nights a week bussing tables somewhere in town. Girl will be making twice that much every night at even the lowest level chain restaurant. She doesn’t work because she plays a sport? Then she won’t have money lol it’s as simple as that.
YTA, It seems like you forced your daughter to accommodate to make your new family happy which is probably why she up and left to go live with her dad. And even though shes with her dad, you are still trying to make her and her dad accommodate the new sister which isn’t technically their problem.
YTA. Your ex is taking care of your daughter. How about you do your part for your other daughter
YTA. Your ex understood exactly what you were trying to do, which is why he protected his daughter from your bullshit.
YTA. I can't even fathom why this an issue other than you and Laura being extremely naïve and entitled humans being. Seriously what do you even think your grounds for an argument is? That Laura and Emily are family so therefore Emily should share? Because I got news for you. They ain't. Emily is your family. Laura is your family. They aren't family. Laura is Emily Step Sister and unless they both chosen to to make something of that, the label is effectively meaningless. I technically have two step brothers... nice guys and totally would have a beer with em if I ran into them at the pub but they aren't my family. I mean hell even if your daughter consider each other family it still isn't Emily obligation to share the money she made from work or given to her by her father with emily. Laura ain't your ex's kid.
This was a perfect opportunity to teach Laura some valuable life lessons that sometimes people have nicer things or can do activities that she can't but it doesn't make her any less, doesn't make them evil, it just how the world works. She could be happy for Emily. You could reinforce that you love her but no instead you encourage this obscene sense of entitled like the world owes you or her something... more specifically like Emily owes you or Laura something, the world doesn't, Emily doesn't.
Op, Since when is your stepdaughter your ex's responsibility. ? Tell Laura that if she wants to have money for lunch, she needs to earn. The excuse of ADD and depression don't fly. The excitement of a rush at a fast-food restaurant will give her an adrenaline rush, very good for the ADD. And earning her own money will help will the depression, it will help her take more control of her life. Life isn't always fair, and we need to stop DEMANDING others to make it fair for us.
YTA! You are seriously THAT dense?? She's chosen to live with your ex because in your house she had to give up things because you forced her to share everything with her stepsister and now you feel entitled to tell her she can't go to lunch unless she takes said stepsister!?!
Seriously get your head straight before you lose your kid altogether!!
YTA. It is easy to see why your daughter wants to live with your ex instead of you. It is not about the room. It is because you are favoring the entitled step daughter over her. Why do you care if your daughter has a better life than your step ? You should be happy about it , instead you are trying to make her miserable in order to placate your step. Mind your own business and stay out of what/where your daughter is eating ! She doesn’t want to live with you since you are not the world’s greatest mom, it looks like.
YTA. So Emily has to give up or share what her Dad gives her because you can’t/won’t give the same to your step daughter? Given that stepdaughter is merely the daughter of her mother’s husband, where is the logic in that! Do you hear yourself? Laura needs to get a job.
Your step daughter has ADHD and depression and instead of getting her help and helping her learn how to function, you just let her suffer?
I have combined type ADHD (the worst type of ADHD) and depression. I can work a job. I used to be dysfunctional but therapy and medication helped me get to where I can function and no longer suffer. The coping methods I learned in therapy are what really helped me cope with my ADHD.
Instead of using your step daughters disorders as a way to disable her, get her help so she can have a good life.
YTA- you’re basically putting your step daughter’s feelings above your own daughter’a which is probably why she doesn’t stay with you. She gets $25 from her dad and works part time to support her lunch habits plus her friends pay her back. You’re playing favorites and obviously choosing your step daughter and excusing her entitled behavior by saying things like oh she can’t work part time bc of this and that but we can’t afford to give her lunch money. Emily’s dad is not Laura’s dad so of course he doesn’t care about what goes on with her. You’re entitlement reaches to your ex and you’re trying to manipulate him into siding with you and Laura when Laura is nobody to him. YTA
YTA your ex is right and I don’t think the only reason she stays with your ex is Bc she has to share a room.
YTA. Her father can give her whatever money he wants to give her and she shouldn't be made to share with her stepsister.
Also, your ex is not responsible for your stepdaughter, nor is her stepsister. If Laura wants money she can get a job. ADD doesn't stop you from working.
Yta. Frankly Laura is a bit entitled for thinking Emily (or anyone else) should buy her anything. 25$ at restaurants doesn’t go very far, so I’m sure most of her eating out money is from her job.
Maybe you or your spouse can pick up
Extra work to provide Laura with some pocket money.
Yta. Your ex can do what he wants so can your daughter and she doesn't have to share. It may be rude of her to display her money but it's her money.
ALSO if your daughter can join a sports team she can get a job if she wants to. What is she going to do after school?
Classic example of "if I can't enjoy it, you can't enjoy it either". You're such a selfish mother. YTA, big one.
YTA, not that its right but dad has a point. He should not have to stop giving his daughter anything to spare the feelings of a child that is not his. Its like when my in laws were mad about me giving my kids cars when there kids had to walk. Not my problem or responsibility.
YTA. This sounds insane. Your ex and Emily are not responsible for Laura. You don’t want her money to buy lunch but you expect others to? What now? Let people live their lives. You want to do something for Laura YOU figure it out.
YTA. You called your ex and told him to stop giving his daughter lunch money because she doesn't buy lunch for her non working-sport loving sister? WTF were you even thinking? Keep it up and you'll be one of those Moms that never see her daughter.
Info : what is your husband's take on all this? Is he as petty and resentful as you that your ex has money and that you lost the child support?? Did he also expect another man to pay for his daughter or to give her things? Did he ever paid for emily since he wants your ex to pay for laura??
YTA - I'm 52. In high school I was a volunteer firefighter, worked part time in a pizza place and was dealing with the loss of an older sibling. Oh, and I had previously undiagnosed ADD/ADHD, depression, anxiety and PTSD. This was 36 years ago and I managed to graduate, work part-time and volunteer part time.
Maybe it's the Gen X in me. Idk. But life ain't fair sweet cheeks. Quit enabling your step daughter and help her become self sufficient. Get her help so she can learn, with professional help, how to transition into adulthood with ADHD.
So glad that Emily is living with her father and her step mom. She is better off and she will be much happier. If I was Emily I would just cut contact with mom. The mom and Laura are toxic and selfish. Crazy lady smh
YTA. Life isnt always fair, its your husbands responsability to teach Laura that.
YTA why is it your ex's responsibility to provide money for your new husband's kid?
YTA. Your ex is right, your step-daughter’s happiness has nothing to do with him or her. You give her her the money if it’s so important, it’s not their place.
YTA- if she has ADHD and depression, hopefully she is seeing a therapist or you find the money to support her if that’s a reason to not work. Sports are time consuming but I worked with a lot of kids in school who had sports. They’d work 1 or 2 days a week so they could have spare money. I worked when I was in school. My sister or brother didn’t. My parents NEVER made me give or buy them anything i didn’t freely want to. If you want the kids to pursue a sibling like relationship why don’t you figure out how to give Laura enough money for 1 lunch a week so she can pay her own way? Problem solved.
Yoooo, YTA. I just can't even wrap my head around why you don't realize how wrong you are. I have kids, I would *never* expect one to treat the other by forcing the issue, in either direction. Just, wow, life isn't fair and I'm sure it sucks for Laura if people know they are step siblings that Emily isn't buying anything, but it is what it is. Scrape up some cash or encourage Laura to get a job over the summer and save up cash to bankroll the occasional lunch out. Also, babysitting is a pretty decent gig for athletes since they can pick and choose their gigs based on their schedule.
YTA! What is it with all these parents who think that kids need to do for other kids…if Laura wasn’t your step daughter you wouldn’t care, you wouldn’t even know so why is Laura pitching a fit suddenly your daughters issue…oh that’s right it’s not it’s a you and your husbands issue
Wow There a lot of jealousy in your house.
It’s not Emily’s responsibility to feed Laura. It’s yours! Expecting Emily to use money that she earned from her job to buy Laura lunch makes you even more of an AH. It’s sad that Laura is upset, but this is a good lesson for her that she isn’t entitled to anything. If she wants to be able to go off campus for lunch, she can get a job to be able to pay for that or you could give her chores and give her an allowance.
What you shouldn’t do is guilt Emily or your ex into paying for anything for Laura. It shows Emily that you favor Laura, even if that’s not your intention. Ultimately, Laura and her lunch are your responsibility.
You're trying to drag one child down in order to boost the other up. Emily isn't responsible for Laura or her feelings (or her lunch). She is a whole person who does not have to like or care for someone just because you think she should.
It's not her fault or problem that YOU can't do nice things for Laura and there is no way in hell that she should have to change what she's doing just because you think she should in this situation.
I sincerely hope that Emily just forgets about you and moves on when she's old enough that you can't legally force yourself into her life.
You are the asshole.
You have done neither of these girls a favor. You have alienated your daughter by this unreasonable expectation and you have wounded your step-daughter by this unreasonable expectation. The first time it happened you have set the proper expectation that Emily's money is her own. If you cannot afford $25 a week, how about $5 or $10 for one or two lunches out a week? Rather than minimizing her for her ADHD and depression, you should empower and encourage her to not let those things hold her back and work to make those issues manageable for her so she can be an independent and productive individual. YTA.
YTA, stop making excuses for Laura. ADHD and anxiety are NO excuses for not getting a part time job. I would know. I have both. Pretty severely I might add. Not hard to work in 2-3 5 hour shifts a week between sports and homework. Get it together. Emily is already clearly starting to resent you. Emily is allowed to have experiences with her dad's family and be excited about it. Its not her fault your family can't afford those luxuries and you are literally punishing her for it. Do better. Be better.
You do realize emily doesnt owe laura a relationship yes? And what she does with her own money os not yours or lauras business.
Kudos to your ex cos he seems like a good father that backs his daughter up nice to an entitled woman like you.
And 25$ weekly isnt really a lot of money when you buy food outside and treat others too. What was your plan in the event your ex stopped giving her money and she still went out to buy stuff with her own money she earns from her job? Demand that money?
No wonder your daughter chooses to live your ex.
YTA. My 15 year old daughter made over $3000 last year from her summer job (admittedly there is a high minimum wage here). My 12 year old daughter makes $100/mo reffing soccer.
You are just making excuses for Laura. If she is an athlete, then there is usually an opportunity to make money by taking on an officiating role that will only take a couple hours a week. ADHD does not stop a teenager from getting certain types of entry level jobs.
Okay OP I've gone through the comments and your replies and here's what I have to say. I'm 21F and the oldest of 8 just on my mom's side. They're all half siblings. Once I started working and buying myself snacks and ordering food that was with my own money. When my dad gave me money and I bought things with it, I was under no obligation to share. I think it's important to note I also have ADHD and Depression much like Laura. In addition to that I have anxiety, ptsd, and various health conditions. I went to school full time, played softball, and still worked part time. You are making excuses for Laura and she's becoming an entitled brat. "No she's not" Yes. Yes, she is. Coming home crying about what her step sister has WORKED for is being entitled. Emily is under no obligation to share. You are picking a side/favorites and driving a wedge between you and Emily further. Laura has a choice. She can choose to stop doing sports and get a job, continue to do sports and go without getting takeout for lunch, or she can continue sports and get a part time job. Emily is working hard to get that extra money for food. You say school lunch is $5, your ex is giving Emily just enough for that. The rest is her money she worked for. You don't seem to even be willing to see it from Emily's perspective and for that YTA. 100% YTA. I hope you get lucky and Emily decides to continue having a relationship with you even though you seem to not care for her as much as Laura.
Yta. Lord all mighty what is wrong with you people. Your ex is not responsible for your step daughter . And your step daughter needs to stfu about inequalities that aren’t actual inequalities . No wonder she lives with your ex.. you’ve made her an outsider in your home and now you want her financially responsible and emotionally responsible for your step daughter .
YTA. Why the heck would her stepsister, who she doesn’t live with, have to buy her lunch? I didn’t even buy my own blood sister lunch when we were in high school. My mom told her when she gets a job she can start buying lunch out just like I did.
You’re daughter is 16, she could get a job even with ADHD and depression. If you can’t afford lunch money how are you going to afford taking care of her forever if she never works? I have had bipolar disorder my whole life (only found out and start taking medication when I was 23) and I had a job, did sports, took AP classes and lead two clubs.
Well, it’s no wonder she doesn’t want to stay with you when you so clearly favor your stepdaughter over her. YTA.
After reading your post and your replies,
WHY DO YOU DISLIKE YOUR DAUGHTER SO MUCH?
YTA. If your ex wants to give your daughter money, he has the right to do so. She also doesn't have to share her food with Laura.
If Laura is jealous then you can give her money.
YTA, how entitled. Pay what she buys for Laura or suck it up. Do you think it would be acceptable to whine to a coworker who has a nicer lunch that they need to buy you one?
ESH, you shouldn't expect your daughter to pay for other people's meals, $25 a week isn't very much, so your daughter got a job to supplement that, it's not her fault her step sister can't do the same, but your daughter seems to like rubbing it in your step daughters face which kind of sucks. Your ex the dad has no responsibility to your step daughter though.
If Emily is working part time and therefore has some income to spend on food cuz of it, maybe Laura should do it as well. I get the whole depression and ADHD thing, but if she wants it so bad, she should start somewhere. A job might help her as well.
YTA. It’s really surprising how you think you have a right to try and control 1. If Emily’s own father gives her lunch money 2. That she has a responsibly to pay for her step sister 3. That the conclusion is to demand to makes her own lunches?? I understand money can be tight, but ultimately you are setting a bad example and making it a much bigger deal to Laura that she should have her feelings hurt by Emily in the first place.
100% YTA. Your daughter isn’t required to care for her step sister who she seems has no real relation to. She doesn’t even live with you or her so why would it be her problem to be buying her food with money that her dad wants to give her? Your stepdaughter can eat at the school, it’s not the end of the world to have lunch on campus. Your stepdaughter can also find a way to earn money if she wants to eat out THAT badly. Either do chores around the house to earn the allowance for at least one lunch a week/every other week, babysitting, etc. Your daughter is 100% entitled to the money she earns from working and the money her father decides to give her, she is NOT, however, responsible for paying for her sister’s lunch out of her own pocket.
First off you don’t get to decide what someone else does with their own money.
Secondly, you’re literally coddling your step daughter. She absolutely *can* get a PT job. Depression and ADHD, while very serious, can and are treatable. They are not reasons one could not get a part time job. You don’t have to have her work, but do know you are only enabling that mindset of “I can’t do anything because I have mental health issues”…. That’s absolutely not true. If you’re not already, get her into treatment with professionals (therapist/psychiatrist).
YTA. And you are only pushing your daughter out of your life with your favoring and enabling of your step daughter.
YTA. Emily works for her own money to pay for her own food and her friends food which they pay her back.She doesn’t owe anything to Laura.Your just enabling Laura since she has ADHD and Depression.Many people who have those still work.If you don’t like it then start giving money to Laura so she can pay for her own food 🤷🏽♀️
YTA i’m 16 and play 5 varsity level sports and have ADHD and dysgraphia and i STILL have a part time job. why? because i like having money to spend. emily’s friends pay her back but laura won’t. i wouldn’t buy her lunch either. and you have a 2 income house and STILL can’t afford to give laura $25 a week srsly. incase you didn’t get it YTA
YTA. Laura is not Emily's child to feed. Emily IS your ex's child to feed, and you're trying to hinder how he does that. Emily's going to grow up with a world of resentment towards you if you keep trying to recruit your ex to punish her for not catering to your step daughter's feelings at her expense.
YTA ma'am. Your daughter needs that space away from you and she may be even feeling like you like your stepdaughter more.
I feel bad for Laura but she’s none of Emily’s business. That’s literally favoritism
YTA. There is so much assholery going on, on your part but a lot of people have unpacked it for you pretty well already. I came to say Im bipolar, and deal with severe depression/anxiety and had a part time job in highschool and work full-time now. Newsflash life isn't going to be handed to Laura just because she's depressed. If anything life is a lot harder, she's 16 she should be getting the help she needs from therapy, medication ect not your ex-husband's wallet.
It’s seems that from your other comments that you’re being almost spiteful because your daughter likes living with her father. And you’re taking it out on Emily. She should honestly cut you out of her life, because you’re putting your step daughters needs above hers. When it should be equal, and yes Laura has mental issues, but have you ever stopped to wonder or care of Emily has any as well?
YTA. And hope the daughter cuts you off completely. Your favouritism is clearly visible so stop with the excuses. Your daughter does not have to do ANYTHING to make Laura feel better. It's not her job. And you should not force her to not eat what she wants when she earns her own money. Smh. Do you ever sit back and just analyse the kind of stuff that you "think" is right? Grow up.
YTA, its not your other child responsibility to get a luxury for your stepdaughter, and it is certainly not your ex husband's responsibility to give some random kid that's not even his money for lunch.
And saying oh my stepchild has adhd and depression is a cop out. I have ADHD, I have depression, and I have autism. I didn't have a job in high school, I couldn't, but I still ate lunch that the school offered, or I cooked my own when I went home. Your stepdaughter is basically stalking your daughter and tracking what she eats and throwing a shitfit over it because she's jealous. She's not starving, she's not being abused, she just also wants to eat whatever your other daughters eating. If it means that much to you both, you can give her an allowance, or your new husband can. Where the hell is he in this story? Why is your immediate reaction to ask your ex to pay some kid he doesn't know for a fancier lunch instead of asking your new husband
YTA. Listen to yourself!! I can tell that you have a lot of moving parts here, and I sympathize a little because I can see how it might be overwhelming and you just want someone to hit the easy button for you. The reality is..there is no easy button. Your ex is right. He is not responsible for Laura, nor is Emily. Emily gets to live her life and it happens to be very different from Laura's. That's a life lesson. Why aren't you telling Laura's friends' parents to not give their children lunch money? It amounts to the same thing. YOU are responsible ensure Emily is fed, sheltered and educated - that doesn't mean that she gets everything she wants or even everything other kids get. Life isn't always fair or equal. Teach her how to live the life she has instead of wanting to live like someone else. She'll be better for it.
YTA - there is NO way that Emily is buying herself and her friends lunch multiple times a week with only $25. Emily is definitely using her own money to supplement that. Why should her dad not give her money for lunch when she lives with him?? School lunch is $2-$3/day anyway. You’re not able to afford to give Laura $25 every week so maybe give her $25 once a month? Do SOMETHING for her, but also maybe suggest she gets a part time job also if she wants extra money like Emily. How does Laura pay for lunch now?
YTA. Nobody owes your kid lunch hits because she feels bad. She shouldn’t have to babysit her stepsister. I see why she lives with her dad.
YTA. OP is essentially saying that Laura need to pay Emily for being in sports and having mental disease.
YTA. It's like he said, Laura's feelings is not Emily's responsibility. Once in a while, you can give her something. Having adhd and depression didn't keep me from having a job, so that was an excuse you came up with. Having school activities is an actual excuse, but still not one to force Emily to give up money she worked for.
Let Emily live with her dad full time.
YTA- he is correct, Emily isn’t doing anything wrong and earns that money and can use it as she pleases. I am concerned that you feel the need to pressure your daughter into catering to her step sister. Also, what kind of 15 year old cries because someone else has lunch she likes? It’s time to stop babying one of your children and alienating the other
Laura seems very needy and maybe needs to prioritize getting job over sports if she wants spending money. Her mental health issues should be put on Emily. Laura cries and stamps her feet and expects to get her way. Your job and her fathers is to let her know Laura know what Emily does with her money is not her concern nor is it Emily or your ex’s responsibility to supply food to Laura.
Emily is NOT responsible for Laura. You are. You need to get your shit together or you will not have much of a relationship with Emily. Also - how *dare* you put YOUR money issues on Emily.
You are also teaching Laura entitlement. Strong work (that was sarcasm) People with ADHD have jobs. Laura will need to learn how to get along with her ADHD, the world does not stop for her condition.
There are numerous posts on Reddit about favoritism... you might want to pay attention.
YTA. Emily doesn’t owe anything to Laura period. It might be a nice thing to buy her step sister some food, but it’s money she got from your ex and is hers. She doesn’t have to use it on someone or something she doesn’t want to
YTA- I did sports and worked part time when I was in hs. Laura can too. I understand why your daughter lives with her dad, you sound insufferable. What your daughter does with her money isn't anyone's business.
YTA ADHD and depression isn’t an excuse and like they said it’s not their problem. He can have different parenting.
INFO why is Laura spending so much time tracking Emily’s habits and activities?
YTA, you can't tell your ex how to parent yall's kid in his household. He's responsible for Emily and Emily alone. Emily is not obligated to buy lunches for your husband's daughter and the fact that you are trying to push this on them makes me believe that Emily is definitely staying with her dad for more than because she had to share a room with your stepdaughter....
YTA. Emily has a JOB. Your stepdaughter chose sports. There’s no right or wrong choice there, but one choice involves working for spending money. That’s what your daughter is doing. When you tell her she is obligated to buy Laura food from her favorite restaurant (wtf???), you are effectively telling your daughter with a job to subsidize the lifestyle of your stepdaughter without a job. That’s cruel and unfair. Tell your stepdaughter to stop pressuring your kid for food.
I can’t believe what I’m reading. 😩
YTA. You’re ex has your daughter during the week and provides her lunch by giving her $5 per day. I don’t know how much school lunches cost these days but $5 isn’t a ton of money. There’s a big difference between her paying for her friends on one day and her friends paying the next day and her just paying for your step daughter who, idk, brings a lunch if you can’t afford it, and not get a lunch back in return.
You expecting your ex to pay for your step daughter is completely unreasonable and makes me wonder about other factors that may be in play if with your daughter if you actually called your ex telling him how he has to provide her lunch. Maybe you can give her a couple dollars either once a week or twice a month so she go to out for her lunch.
* Emily should not have to share her earnings from her job, **whatsoever.** It was extremely inappropriate to even ask her to do that.
* You do not get to dictate her allowance from her dad. It's not his or her fault that you cannot afford to give Laura money for outside lunches. You do realize by asking her to spend her allowance on her stepsister is essentially asking your ex to pay for your stepchild's food......Do you ever offer to pay for your ex's step kids food? No? didn't think so.
* Laura is old enough to understand that Emily does not have to share with her. Laura is old enough to understand that Emily works and earns some of her money. Laura is old enough to not come home crying because her sister went out to lunch.....
* Laura chose sports instead of working. (If she's too young to work, then she can certainly get a job when she is). Also if Laura is able to go to school and be involved with sports, why would she not be able to get a job? ADHD and depression are things people live with every day, and they go to work.
* I didn't even get to leave my high school during lunch at all when I was in school, so Laura can survive on school lunch until she gets a job.
* I also had to get a job in high school while other friends had an allowance. That's literally life man you work with what you got.
YTA. Your divorce and subsequent stepchild is not your teenaged daughters's problem or fault. She isn't responsible for your new husband's children with his former wife or partner. You can't force a friendship. You definitely cannot force "sisterhood."
Your daughter is a good example of bad parenting from both of you. A future egregiously maladjusted delinquent.
Let me fix the title for you - "I think it's everyone else's responsibility but my partner and mine to pay for my partner's daughter, and I am willing to bully my ex and deprive by daughter in order to strong arm a couple of dollars from then that they worked for because I feel entitled to everything I want from other people. I am ok with losing my biological child over this because it makes me look good to the guy who's nailing me and in the end I only really care about myself."
YTA. Big time.
Why do people think if you have ADHD and depression you can't get a job? I have both and held the same job for 20 years.
Having depression and adhd is not an excuse to not get a job. It’s an obstacle, but not something she can’t overcome. I, and people I know, have mental disabilities and trauma but life goes on and we have to support ourselves. What happens when your daughter needs to get a job? Are you going to support her the rest of her life?
If Laura was having this problem with another kid at school would you be calling that parent with the same request? No, of course not.
It would be kind of Emily to share, but she does not have to. She has her own money in addition to what her dad provides and she should be able to spend it how she wants.
It’s a shame that Laura feels bad, but you and her need to manage your disappointment. And really what did you expect from Emily if she doesn’t want to share a room with her?
YTA. $25 is not a lot of money for a week’s worth of food. I highly doubt she’s making it rain at the club with that.
Seriously, she makes it sound like Emily is buying four-course meals every day and then parading it in front of her stepsister just to spite her, which is obviously not the case
This! My parents gave me $25/week for lunches when I was in high school 15 years ago and it didn’t get much then.
Yup, I got five bucks a day ($25/week) and that would pay for 2 slices of pizza and a coke at the time if I went to the local pizzeria. Or it would get me a sandwich and a drink at the school. It wasn’t much then and it certainly wouldn’t get me that now. I also had a job when I was 16 so occasionally I’d go out and get something bigger/more expensive with my friends. The $25 isn’t the reason Emily is able to go out and get those lunches. It’s her own job.