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archibookworm33

So you changed your menu because you nephew didn't like it, but you didn't do the same for your daughter. Instead, you knowingly chose a meal that she said she did not like *two months ago*. I do not understand some of these responses. YTA. You dismissed your daughters opinion and showed favoritism to your nephew. ETA - you didn't "half-knowingly" you made it fully knowing she didn't like it. After all, if your reasoning was correct - that you didn't make it correctly and that's why your daughter disliked it - *then you wouldn't have liked it either*. ETA2 - there are three basic life skills parents must teach their children - how to cook, how to do their laundry - and how to balance their budget. Feed yourself, clothe yourself, support yourself. If you fail at any of these then you fail in your basic duty as a parent. She's asked to learn to cook - you have refused. You have failed. Stop making excuses.


-ComeWhatMay

Piggybacking off the top comment here. First things first, I want to make it clear that I come from a culture where the guest is king, so I don't think OP is an arsehole for the initial post. *However*, OP is definitely TA based on her comments. (cracks knuckles) Let's get into it. [Exhibit 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7ugcr/AITA_for_half-knowingly_making_food_my_daughter_doesn%E2%80%99t_like%3F/htc80pw/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) The "2 big meals I usually do in family gatherings" are "tomatos pastas with a little bit of chopped sausages or boles de picolat" both of which are foods the daughter doesn't like. OP makes it sound like a one time thing, a solitary issue, but the truth is that daughter is stuck with food she doesn't like for most family gatherings. Which is... okay. It could be better but it's not like she never gets to eat stuff she likes when there aren't any guests. And if she doesn't like the food, she can always cook it for herself, right? Well, about that... [Exhibit 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7ugcr/AITA_for_half-knowingly_making_food_my_daughter_doesn%E2%80%99t_like%3F/htc6s3j/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Turns out the daughter can't cook, and when she asks OP to teach her, OP refuses because "something always goes wrong and I don’t want to risk it." I'm sure most of you here know how to cook. I'm also sure that most of your first attempts at a dish ended in absolute disaster. OP just doesn't want to admit that, or is somehow oblivious enough not to realise it. As for the part about getting food she likes when there aren't any guests, well... [Exhibit 3 to 8 (scroll down the thread)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7ugcr/aita_for_halfknowingly_making_food_my_daughter/htc7lun?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) The daughter wants to learn how to cook lasagnas but OP won't teach her because "my husband doesn't like dairy" and "it's long and I don't want to learn how to make them." And why does the husband matter more than the daughter? In OPs own words, "Because my husband works hard at work everyday and I think he deserves to eat stuffs I make that he likes." And she doesn't end it there. In the same comment as the one above, she states about the food her husband likes "that my daughter probably doesn’t know how to make them" which definitely has *nothing* to do with how OP refuses to teach her how to cook. No, this kind of knowledge should just materialize out of absolutely nowhere. And what does the husband think, considering his opinion is so important because "My husband does provide us the money we need so I think this is kind of relevant." Well, according to OP "My husband wants her to cook what she wants but I don’t want to because she’d cook something not everyone likes (which are the lasagnas, or even the brownies but Im not in the mood to get into that kind of thing)." So it's not even like the husband forces her to not teach her daughter how to cook. In fact, he's actually on the daughter's side. As for what OP has to say for herself, well... "Well I did offer her to cook basic stuffs I make but she refused to because according to her they weren’t appealing, not my fault if she doesn’t want to learn. Smh." Because learning how to foods you don't like and won't ever make is definitely the best way to get started on cooking, eh? All this is why OP, YTA.


Loke_y

“I don’t want to to teach basic life skills in a way that is engaging to my daughter and gives me a meal I don’t have to cook because I can’t be bothered” - that’s a pretty good bonus YTA on top of the one already given for the post


OpinionatedAussieGal

Wow! You hit that mail bang on the head! OP is sooooo TA Kid wants to learn to cook. Nah, won’t teach you unless it’s stuff you don’t like. Like. Waaaattttt


atterysquash

Wow. Just wow. Nobody \*ever\* wants to learn to cook by making dishes they're not interested in, even if you think they're 'simple' or 'basic'. It's the worst possible way of learning to cook, and is basically guaranteed to make a learner hate cooking. Nobody should ever have to cook food they don't like (unless maybe if they're doing it for money or someone will starve if they don't). The food is the reward. As a kid, I learned to make a Viennese sponge before I could boil rice, because, guess what, I \*like Viennese sponge more than I like rice\*. YTA. Your daughter can find a recipe she likes and learn to cook. You can even get her to buy the ingredients, if you want to give her a real learning experience. All you need to do is stand by and make sure the kitchen doesn't burn down. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it - you can always make yourself a burger.


fluffybunnies51

Wow! After reading the comments, op YTA. You majorly misrepresented the situation and made it seem like this is a one time thing. But you clearly know she doesn't like these things, why keep making them?


razsnazz

Just want to add on, daughter is adopted. Which explains why she puts her behind her husband's and nephew's comfort.


Formergr

> Just want to add on, daughter is adopted Oh god. Noooooo. Oh man.


ximxperfection

I agree, but I think ESH. OP sucks for everything mentioned AND because she pretended to not know her daughter didn’t like it, but the daughter also sucks because OP did offer some really good suggestions/compromises and the daughter’s response was whack.


LingonberryPrior6896

Premade pasta...um pass.


ximxperfection

But a homemade burger? Yum.


LingonberryPrior6896

And she accepted that.


ximxperfection

But said she was disappointed and felt like a child for it.


LingonberryPrior6896

Well I understand that. It is hard when a parent loves a cousin more than you.


ximxperfection

Yeah…and OP is a HUMONGOUS asshole based off her comments.


unknown_928121

AND THERE WE HAVE IT🌟🌟


LifeAsksAITA

That’s because she is adopted while cousin is blood. So sad.


LingonberryPrior6896

Indeed. My heart breaks for the girl.


murderymcmurderface

If it was a one off thing, I’d agree the daughter should harden up. but clearly OP is always making food the daughter doesn’t like, including every family gathering, and catering to pretty much everyone but her daughter. Also refuses to teach her to cook her own stuff. So yeah I’d be mad too if I were the kid.


unknown_928121

You start your post off saying you adore your nephew, then continue on about your daughter, not once complimenting her. In multiple comments you said you consider her opinion to be irrelevant. At one point you mention your husband provides for the family and he deserves what he wants nightly, so this isn't the first or only time your daughter has come second, and this isn't the first time she's come second to a man. You also say you don't care to learn the recipes she wants to make or cook with her, despite the fact that it could be a wonderful bonding opportunity between your both before she inevitably cuts you out for always putting her second. yta


Formergr

> despite the fact that it could be a wonderful bonding opportunity between your both before she inevitably cuts you out for always putting her second. Savage, love it.


dothepingu

YTA, you knowingly made something she didn't like and then acted surprised when she didn't like it. Next time include her in the conversation more and come up with something everybody likes, or at least communicate with her why you're making something rather than just assuming she will like it. Often people have aversions to things like texture, smell, composition etc., I don't think you can assume that just because someone likes an ingredient means they will like an entire dish.


[deleted]

I also like how OP manipulates the situation to make them look like an angel — “sweetheart can I make you anything else 🥺🥺”, ignoring the daughter’s hurt that OP clearly did this to jab at her.


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[deleted]

When a person tells you they want you to communicate with them more and then you don’t, it’s not “kind of” your fault. It’s your fault. I don’t mean that as an insult, I just really want you to take notice of how little responsibility you’re taking for the difficulty you’re having with your daughter.


dothepingu

It's okay. I don't think this is some huge assholeish thing to do, it's just miscommunication between family that needs to get sorted out. Meal planning and cooking and all that is a ton of work, and it sounds like you offered some totally reasonable substitutions. I think she just needs to be listened to. I would maybe approach her when things are calmer and tell her that you're sorry it didn't work out as well as it could have and ask her for more input in meal planning and prep. Keep a list of things you know she likes and doesn't like, and maybe empower her to start cooking meals for the family herself too.


Seiliko

Unfortunately OP isn't going to empower her daughter to start cooking because she doesn't think it's "worth the risk" of something going wrong and the daughter wants to make lasagna. OP doesn't want her to make lasagna because her husband doesn't like dairy. The husband has said that he wants their daughter to cook something she wants to cook though, so OP is just preventing her daughter from learning important life skills. Links to the comments from OP can be found in [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7ugcr/aita_for_halfknowingly_making_food_my_daughter/htdls0g?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)


dothepingu

Yikes, seems like a much bigger problem. Daughter should be allowed to experiment and learn to cook on her own terms.


AbbyFB6969

YTA Why didn't you get chinese, and make a burger for your nephew?


Aiakya

Lol, you don't invite a "guest of honor" over and then solely feed them differently from everyone else unless there's a real reason to, ie severe food allergies, vegan. Might as well go out to eat at a restaurant then


itsnug

pretty sure the comment was sarcasm to offer perspective for OP


Aiakya

Then I totes didn't get it, my bad. Still doesn't actually solve the issue. The issue, in fact that OP presented was disengenuous as is, on surface level, she wasn't "wrong" but on the real issue, as a whole, she is. It's not about the nephew but more about how she treats her daughter in general. Yes, when you have guests over, you cater more towards them but to be how OP is to her daughter is just like...rubbing salt into a wound. You seem to be caring but are actually quite wretched.


Suchboss1136

YTA and def playing favourites here. Are you 13yrs old? You literally asked your daughter for a food suggestion, didn’t choose it because your nephew isn’t a fan, and then deliberately picked something you knew she didn’t like. Are you that oblivious to others? Why even make her food separately? Why couldn’t everyone have homemade burgers?


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DefinitelyNotGilroy

So hold on, your nephew can’t have a burger because you made it for some other guests recently and you and your husband can’t have burgers because you recently had them…but your daughter can…? I don’t understand the double standard or why everyone couldn’t have burgers so your daughter wouldn’t feel left out.


Lady_Vader_

So the daughter gets leftovers while she prepares a meal for her nephew. Is there anything about you that makes you even a decent mother or do you just care about everyone else so much more than your daughter? YTA and probably in most other aspects of your daughters life.


blammer

Ma'am stop justifying this, it's clear as hell you don't prioritize your daughter so stop trying to delude yourself by saying you love her so much. I have a mother exactly like you, loves to pay lip service about being a good mother to her kids but we both know in the pack of the family hierarchy daughter is at the lowest rung.


The_Void33

YTA- And you are favoring your nephew over your daughter. She suggested Chinese food which you turned down because your nephew doesn't like it, and then decided to make something that you knew your daughter didn't like. And then were just like, oh well, you can eat ravioli. You can see where she's coming from. You change what's for dinner for the nephew, and then don't change it for your daughter.


Alarming-Leather-317

YTA. I looked up a couple of recipes, and there are several ingredients in it that a lot of people dislike. You keep bringing up the sausage like that's the only flavor to worry about, and haven't once asked her *why* she doesn't like it. You also refuse to teach her how to cook because she wants to learn recipes you don't like and you can't be bothered to clean up any mistakes (newsflash: mistakes happen when you're learning to cook. I guarantee you are not a perfect cook.) Sign her up for cooking classes if you don't want to teach her.


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Alarming-Leather-317

She doesn't like olives, and you thought you could just make it again and she'd magically like it this time? Are you leaving the olives out? People who don't like olives *really* don't like olives. That alone makes this a recipe she will never like.


staticdragonfly

>People who don't like olives > >really > > don't like olives. As someone who REALLY doesn't like olives, this is true. My mum used to pick olives out of things she'd made thinking i wouldn't notice but I did because they infect everything else.


Alarming-Leather-317

My SIL has learned to deal with picking them out, because she's the only anti olive person in our family, but I totally understand. I like to use them *because* they infect everything lol.


Immediate_Park_3658

Oh so she doesn't like anything about it, perfect.


txteva

Olives are rank and spread their saltiness on everything. You can't even just pick them out.


Step2NoMoreClowns

So much hate on olives but there are so many different types and a lot of them taste nothing alike lol. Please fair redditors give some of the uncommon olives a try, some are delightful! I feel the hate for most black olives and several green though, they really do infect everything they touch peripherally. That being said OP 1000 percent YTA, I'm genuinely amazed your daughter still feels able to share honest feelings with you given that you blatantly favor not just your nephew but EVERY AND ANYONE over her.


chleotochloe

Nah, I get her feelings but it sounds like you often take her preferences into consideration. if she doesn’t like something everyone else likes, having it once every few months isn’t a big deal, especially since you made her something else(you gave her multiple options). Does she know how to cook? My 10 year old step son has foods that he will make himself if he doesn’t like what’s for dinner. We sit and talk about the food plan every week but sometimes he doesn’t want to participate so🤷🏻‍♀️ when I was a kid my parents made dinner, if I didn’t want that I could have leftovers or a sandwich. She’s definitely old enough to be able to make her own alternate meal. Edit to YTA. You ignore your daughters preferences when you know she doesn’t like that dish, you think her cousin and your husband (men) should always have the food they want but won’t cook things your daughter also likes AND YOU REFUSE TO TEACH YOUR 16 YEAR OLD CHILD TO COOK. 0/10 on parenting.


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chleotochloe

Then she should learn. And as a parent you should be giving her those opportunities.


POAndrea

Exactly. Especially if you're going to be cooking things you know she doesn't like.


immadriftersbody

Then you should be teaching her. Why not find a meal *together* that ***everyone*** likes and *learn to make that food together.* Bonding and learning all in one.


[deleted]

Well teach her to cook.


Girl_Pearl_Earring

At 11 I was making the things OP's 16 year old daughter makes, and at 16 you should know how to make full on meals. It's really OP's fault


txteva

And that is your fault.


A2ZKIRBY71

It's got nothing to do with not KNOWING how to cook. It's the fact that you seem to think she's incapable of learning how. I see a girl that WANTS to make her own meals, but mommy dearest won't let her have access to the kitchen to make it. She can use YouTube or ANY number of online videos to teach herself how to cook. YOU just need to stay out of the kitchen when she wants to use it.


CulturalGoldenDeer

Info: could you change plans and make something else or was dinner already prepared? Also did you talk to your daughter about it?


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West_Beautiful9553

"I didn't asked her because i didn't think her opinion would be that relevant". YTA just for this. I hope when she considers what nursing home she should throw you in, she also says "i don't think your opinion is that relevant" and find the cheapest one. She is your kid. Her opinion should be more relavant than your nephew's.


CulturalGoldenDeer

wtf yta


[deleted]

She was going to eat the food, though. How could her opinion of that food not be relevant?


Adventurous_City_839

ma'am i can smell the internalized misoginy up to here


capsulestories

YTA, apologize for not taking her preferences into consideration at all, order your daughter some Chinese food (if she has to eat something different it might as well be something she really enjoys), and then teach her how to cook food she actually likes. Or at least let her pick out a recipe she’s interested in & take her to the grocery store to get the ingredients.


weedthetree

She's your kid, she should be your pride and joy. I can't imagine treating someone else's kids better than my own. Terrible parenting.


Sea-Ad9057

Surely there is other food everyone can eat


Immediate_Park_3658

It's that simple


Sensitive-Hurry-4548

This.


Quantum_Blue_

YTA the way you write about your nephew vs your daughter is very telling of your favoritism. Why didn't you ask your daughter if she would be ok with that dish before making it?


Right-Arm-619

Honestly I gotta say yta. Technically you made an accomodation for your nephew but turned around and did the opposite for your daughter. I can see why she is upset with a seperate meal because that would make someone feel like a bit of a burden but also that just picking a whole other meal for dinner was just not important to you. I see it from her side here and it does kind of sting a little


Gumgums66

Info: Why couldn’t you have just picked up Chinese and gotten your nephew something different? Or asked her to pick something everyone would like?


chleotochloe

I would find it kinda odd to have a guest over for dinner and picking something they don’t like… I was raised to cater to guests though. I always thought that was ~normal🤪


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chleotochloe

To me the fact that she won’t cook meals for the family her daughter also likes while refusing to let her learn cook meals she does want is the reason op is the ah. The father and cousin deserve food they like(according to op). Op also says she shows her love by buying her daughter video games… that’s her grand gesture of love… I get catering to guests but all the comments from op paint an everyday picture that sucks for her daughter.


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unknown_928121

She isn't usually picky or she's given up on expressing her opinion because you don't listen


11starrynight7

She literally told she didn't like that food though


Dee180

You know, we "not picky" and "always there for others" people also like to feel appreciated and that someone sometimes goes out of thieir way to do something for us.. we also like to be at the front of the queue every once in a while...


Cool-Bumblebee4918

she isn’t usually picky…except for the time that she specifically told you she didn’t like this dish only 2 months ago. which you clearly remember, based in the fact that you said you “thought you did something wrong and would try it again” (sounds like a shitty excuse if i ever heard one)


HulklingWho

So...get Chinese for whoever wants it and then make your nephew the chopped sausages he wants. Easy.


Gumgums66

I’ma go with NAH then. The kids aren’t AH for liking certain foods, and you did offer to make her something else. Maybe picking something else that everyone would like might have been better but it’s over and done with now 🤷‍♀️


urban_accountant

ESH but I learned it's better to never assume and just ask.


ragdoll1022

YTA, you are setting daughter up to fail in life by not letting her learn to cook.


hyteskatyamattel

YTA. You "adore" your nephew, and...um...barely tolerate your daughter, I guess? Is this a gender thing? WTF.


That_Contribution720

YTA ​ "and that Im favoring my nephew over her. " . She certainly is right there.


jerdle_reddit

YTA. And here's why you're doing it. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7ugcr/comment/htgqvh6/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3


LingonberryPrior6896

Wow! Thanks for the catch.


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LingonberryPrior6896

Wow! Yep. This is why you speak so highly about nephew and not about you daughter. He is the son you always wanted. She is the consolation prize. Poor girl.


POAndrea

YTA. You don't want to serve your nephew something he doesn't like but are ok with serving your daughter something you know she doesn't like. She's not wrong--you *are* favoring him over her. You asked her for dinner suggestions, disregarded those suggestions, and then planned to serve something she already told you she doesn't like. I wouldn't want to talk to someone who doesn't listen to what I have to say either.


Queenoflimbs_418

Holy boomer misogyny, Batman. YTA. I have so many things to say to you, but I’m so flabbergasted and disgusted by the way you speak about, and treat your daughter that I can’t put it into words.


sickofdriving007

YTA. You care more about your nephew who you "Adore" than your own daughter.


tardis_tits

I’m inclined to say NTA/ESH. I’m conflicted. Coming from a notoriously picky eater and a mother who consistently ignored or forgot what I did and didn’t like, I can understand your daughter’s frustration with the fact that you decided to make something for dinner that she had already told you she didn’t like. At the same time, it sounds like you were bending a great deal to solve the problem and not have to change your dinner plans and your daughter has dug her heels in and decided to make even THAT a problem. So, maybe you shouldn’t just assume next time and maybe your daughter needs to chill a little bit. EDIT: Nevermind. Your comments in this have solidified you as the asshole.


POAndrea

My feelings are conflicted too, but I think I need to side with the daughter here. Mom wasn't bending a great deal to solve a problem but perhaps actually created it in the first place. It sounds like she asked her daughter to help make dinner plans, and then not only rejected daughter's suggestion but chose to serve something she knows she didn't like. There's a lot of alternatives between Chinese takeout and meatballs in tomato sauce, maybe even a couple that everyone would enjoy.


tardis_tits

Yeah, having seen OP’s responses in the comments, she’s definitely the asshole.


Gwennylou

Your post is mind boggling. Your nephew doesn't like Chinese so you said no. Then instead of compromising and making something EVERYONE likes you offer a dish you knew your daughter doesn't like to your nephew? Obviously this makes YTA. You could've offered to make burgers for everyone or even a dish you know your husband likes, since you seem to only care what he wants, but no, YOU brought up a dish you knew your daughter doesn't like. What was the end goal here? To antagonize your 16 year old daughter? WHO DOES THAT!?!!?!?!?!? The comments make you even worse. You refuse to teach her how to make dishes because God forbids she wants to make lasagna or brownies. Then you say things like, "I offered to teach her how to make food I know she doesn't like" as if that absolves you from teaching your daughter valuable life skills. That's just straight up neglect. You are a terrible, hateful, spiteful, petty mother.


HulklingWho

YTA for this fake nonsense. You can’t even keep your own story straight in the comments, and are ticking every ‘I’m actually fifteen but this is what old ladies sound like, right?’ box in existence


moonspiderxx

YTA and you clearly favor your nephew over your daughter despite what you might say. Actions speak loudest.


alittleamgpie

Honestly, I am getting a favoritism vibe from you, in regards to your nephew. I get it, he's visiting, but you should prepare something that everyone wants / likes. You knew that your daughter doesn't like that dish, yet now you act shocked. Just because she likes sausages doesn't mean she likes that dish. For example, I love bacon and pancetta, but I don't really like pork generally. Making her a hamburger when everyone else is eating something else - I can understand what she means by that. She feels like she is excluded. Something else I noticed is that you mention how adored your nephew is. I don't feel the same about your daughter. If she states that she feels you favor him more than her, perhaps this feeling has some truth to it. ​ YTA


ThrowRA0018273737

YTA we can obviously tell you don’t like your daughter either. You don’t have to lie to yourself anymore.


ynvesoohnka7nn

Yta


rosered936

YTA. Your nephew disliking Chinese food was enough to veto that but your daughter disliking this dish doesn’t matter? You are favoring your nephew.


MrsGruusahm

YTA. You completely disregarded your daughters opinion and told her you wouldn’t be getting Chinese food because nephew doesn’t like it, then chose a meal that you know your daughter doesn’t like. How is that fair? Why couldn’t you pick a meal that *everyone* would enjoy?


NickyStyx88

YTFA. There's so much to unpack here, Jesus christ. I hope your daughter packs up and leaves as soon as she can.


Girl_Pearl_Earring

\*leaves after learning how to cook for herself. According to one of OP's comments, the 16 year old only knows how to make instant noodles and sandwiches.


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TibbleTabbs1114

YTA You intentionally made a meal she didn't like to impress someone who isn't your responsibility.


SmAsher1119

it seems like she pretty explicitly said she didn't like it. dont see why you'd make it after denying her choice bc your nephew didnt like it. yta


LingonberryPrior6896

So you wouldn't get Honest as nephew didn't like, but we're fine making food she doesn't like. Yep you favor your nephew. YTA


lanixoxoxo

YTA You basically changed the menu based on your nephew’s needs. How about your daughter???? If my mom did this to me I would be livid bc she’s obviously favoring her nephew over me her daughter. You also made her feel like shit for eating a different food from what the others are you’re absolutely TA


A2ZKIRBY71

u/hausbdu....I'm just going to speak for a moment about your husband. Does your husband love his daughter more than you do? Does he ever speak up for her? Or is his relationship with her just as horrible as yours?


catboythrowaway

YTA, and I mean that with the power of a thousand suns.


kayl6

YTA for forcing me to read this drama. Why did you post this? This is a nonissue. Sometimes it’s okay for a kid to know things aren’t all about them and if a guest is coming you eat what they like. Good gravy.


Immediate_Park_3658

Our nephew came for dinner, we adore him. My daughter, not so much.


Think_Chair_5656

When I was learning to cook i ended up setting a boiling pot of spaghetti on fire… we all still gotta learn how to cook though, like its a life skill


[deleted]

Yeah OP you sound like a real fucking asshole.


raitalin

Nephew vetoed a whole country's worth of food, daughter didn't get to veto one dish. YTA.


MrsTBorst

I've never understood how people can say "I don't like \*insert country\* food". I mean, most countries have a wide variety of ingredients, flavours etc. It's like when people say, "I don't like vegetables", how? Just how?


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (58F) nephew (21M) is coming over for dinner tonight and we adore him. As I was picking up some days ago my daughter (16F) from her internship we asked about what we could make for today, and she proposed we go pick chinese food, but my nephew doesn’t like it, kind of a bummer. I talk to my husband and nephew and we agreed on making boles de picolat. I did that around 2 months ago when people were over and my daughter told me she didn’t like that, so I thought I did something wrong and it wouldn’t hurt to do it again (boles de picolat is just chopped sausage and my daughter likes sausage so I thought nothing would be wrong.) Today when she asked me what we were eating for dinner I told her that, and she looked very upset. I asked her if she didn’t like boles de picolat and she looked at me with a “duh” face and got upset. She didn’t really talk to me, so I proposed making her premade pastas or raviolis, she looked even more upset and angry. So I told her I’d make her a homemade burger. She agreed but she told me she was disappointed to eat differently than everyone at the table, that she felt like a kid that needs to get their stuff and that she didn’t want to force herself eating something she didn’t like in her own home, and that Im favoring my nephew over her. I got upset and told her she was completely wrong and we haven’t talked much, dinner is in 2-3 hrs. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Unikitty1829

YTA


youdaahole

OP I hope you are not a woman hating woman. It sounds like you don’t respect your own daughter because you put the men first all the time. YTA


MadQween

YTA


Tureni

YTA. Perhaps if you tried to spend some time with and teach your own daughter how to cook, as a normal adult would, you’d start “adoring her” just like you do your nephew.


FunkyAssPenguin

YTA. Just based on what you say in the comments I'd even go as far as saying you are a shit parent too. Sounds like your daughters got a lot of life to learn when she cuts contact with you.


Useful_Incident_0000

YTA You seem random and arbitrary. No wonder your daughter is triggered.


Lost_Trip_625

YTA. You could have easily found something both your nephew and daughter like rather than choosing to ignore that she told you she dislikes it when you made all these other accommodations for your nephew. Also, I read the comments of you saying you’re an old and sexless couple as if that has anything to do with the way you blatantly showed favoritism to your nephew over your daughter. It’s really not hard to make something that they both eat.


sarahlenk

YTA


BabyBunnyOfDoom

YTA - I grew up learning how to cook and I was taught with things that I liked to eat. Did the first attempts in disaster? Yup. Yet that didn’t stop the lessons and the results were me being able to cook simple meals around the age of 12 (I am 29 now) that actually tasted good ( I’m from Ky, so the main thing I learned how to cook was fried chicken, fried potatoes, corn, green beans, etc). I even learned how to make homemade lemonade at a young age.


N_Inquisitive

YTA


PublicSherbert2746

You should put your daughter's needs first.


dirtycang

You're not the asshole. She's old enought to understand the situation and eat something that "she don't like" for once. And, maybe you're pampering her a little by offering a different food only to make her feel "good"


Ok-Gap9925

Op banned her daughter from cooking.


1largeblueicee

You can’t “half-knowingly” do something.


smikay15

NTA. You’re daughter is acting like a toddler. She can learn to cook at home on through her own research. It sounds like you commonly bend over backwards to accommodate her childish demands. I live in the USA. It was either eat what mama cooks or don’t eat at all.


0_Shinigami_0

Op's daughter has asked them to teach them how to cook but op refuses to.


Feisty_Ad3807

NTA I'm the picky eater in the family. If it's just us I pick what we eat 99% of the time. The polite thing to do is make something the guest of your home would like and the picky eater eats something different since it's just 1 person. They should also feel grateful that they got options and that you're still preparing a hot homemade meal. They might feel left out but the reality is they are getting the special treatment, as more work is going into accommodating them.


AndrewS1907

NTA she’s a picky eater not ur fault she can grow up and eat wtv is at the table


foodtho_amiright

NTA when we have guests over my parents always pick food that the guests like, since they're guests. They should be the priority for the time being that they are in your home. I doesn't matter whether I like the food or not. I'm not particularly picky when it comes to my food but obviously there is some stuff that I don't like and I have to deal with that. So does your daughter in my opinion. My mom wouldn't even make me different food. She'd tell me to make sth myself if I dont like the food. If I would want to eat sth that I like, than I should've made dinner. So no, NTA. Ur daughter can't expect that everything is going her way, especially not when a guest comes over. Regardless, if you want to avoid that conflict in the future, just pick sth that both sides like. Doesnt have to be Chinese or the other dish you made.


GrizeldaLovesCats

NTA. Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean that no one else can have it. She is way old enough to go and fix herself a sandwich if she doesn't like what is being served for the meal. Living at home doesn't mean that everything has to revolve around what she wants/likes/is in the mood for. Heck, my kids were able to make simple sandwiches by about 4 or 5yo. And they had that option if they didn't like what we had for dinner. She isn't the only person who matters in the household.


[deleted]

Wow. Spoiled daughter.


WyrdElmBella

I can see both sides. It could be to her that you’ve forgone (rightly so) getting food for your nephew that he doesn’t like, but made something you know she doesn’t like instead which does look like she’s second fiddle. I can see why she’d be hurt. I understand why you’re making it too, thinking you’d made just not done it right but she’ll like it this time. It’s kind a NAH here, but maybe slightly more YTA.


Bea3ce

Ehm... NTA! How a conversation in a normal family goes: D: "Ma, what's for dinner?" M: "I am making X" D: "Oh... too bad, I don't like it! May I have something else? I can fix it real quick". M: "Oh, no honey! No need, I can make something for you! What would you like? I have Y and Z. D: "Z sounds good. Thanks mom!". M: "I am really sorry about it. I thought maybe I had messed it up last time, and that's why you didn't like it" D: "Oh, no ma, I had tried it a couple of times already. It's really not my thing". M: "I'll be sure to remember in the future then!" D: "Don't worry, if you and everyone else likes it, it would be a shame not to cook it anymore! As long as I don't have to eat it... LoL ". Thing like that...


acadia171223

NTA. She lives there, so she gets her choice of food made by you on a daily basis. You’re having a guest over, so your daughter can suck it up having a burger for one night. Or she can make dinner herself since she’s 16. Or she can order a Chinese combo plate so she can get her favourite supper. Either way, she needs to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around her and that sometimes you’re going to have to compromise in life


Maskguydude

Not really if you bothered to read the comments OP basically refused to teach her how to cook and only makes food but her husband wants and never what her daughter wants


acadia171223

You don’t need your mother to teach you to cook. Practice yourself. Watch youtube. Read recipes (they’re pretty easy to follow), take a cooking class, etc.


Lorraine221

NTA, she's throwing a fit over you cooking her something else because she won't eat what everyone else is, AND thinks this is somehow your fault? She sounds pretty immature for 16!


jnnmommy

NTA. This is ridiculous she’s 16 if she doesn’t like dinner she can fix something different. I have 3 children that all have different likes and dislikes I make a meal and if it’s not for them they can fix their own stuff and they’re preteens.


AccuratePenalty6728

Apparently OP won’t let the 16yo cook


jnnmommy

I just seen that. It’s ridiculous. My children can make full meals. Cooking is a life skill everyone needs


AccuratePenalty6728

I cooked alongside my grandmother from the time I could hold a spoon. In high school, I didn’t throw parties when my parents went out of town: I invited close friends over to cook together. My mom is a perfectly good cook, but often unimaginative, so I did a ton of cooking for the whole family because I crave novelty and diversity.


jnnmommy

Yes I’ve always had my children in the kitchen. They’re young so full meals I still assist but they take the lead. I never understand why parents don’t teach their children. Eventually you have to learn to cook.


Thatpocket

Honestly I love that my eldest two can cook because I like pasta occasionally. I would rather chuck myself off a bridge than eat it every night. My middle child would eat it every night as the main course if he had his way. I include pasta in the menu but I won't cater to the fact that all he wants is pasta. He's a picky eater. So when I cook something that the 4 out of 5 like he is more than welcome to cook something else if what's on the menu isn't to his taste.


jnnmommy

That’s how I feel too. I won’t force them to eat things they don’t like as we all have different likes and dislikes but I’m not a short order cook


MeanestGoose

NTA. Since exactly when are parents only allowed to cook what their kids (esp.teen kids) like? Tell your daughter to make a PBJ and get over herself.


docfakename

This is the rule in our house: If someone cooks you a meal, the only appropriate response is “thank you.” If you don’t like it/can’t eat it, it’s your responsibility to find something to eat yourself. And you can’t be rude about it, either. Looks to me like you’ve been more than accommodating. NTA


Dragon_Incognito

ESH people can dislike foods even if they like some of the ingredients so I get your daughter not eating the same dish as the family. However, she shouldnt be upset to eat something different if everyone else agrees to eat it. Feeling out is always awkward for a teenager but best to learn it over something like a hamburger rather than alcohol.


RepresentativeOwl234

NTA. Your nephew is a guest, so it makes sense he has say in the food where your daughter doesn’t. You were incredibly kind to make an alternative meal for her to enjoy. My mom would have just said sucks eat an apple. I grew up in a world where if I didn’t like what was for dinner that sucks for me. She is a kid, she doesn’t do the shopping, the cooking, or the cleaning up after (I’m presuming) so why would she have say in any part of the process?


ethan99127

NTA she can get over it, it’s just food and you’re doing something nice for a guest.


Accomplished_Cup900

NTA. But let her learn how to cook. She’s 16. You can’t send her into the world in a few years without the ability to cook.


Intelligent_Stop5564

NTA. Not everyone likes every meal. You can't cater to everyone. I probably wouldn't have made the burger. There were frozen foods or she could cook something else herself.


Alyssa_Hargreaves

The daughter CANT cook. The "mother" refuses to teach her how to cook. The poor girl can make noodles and sandwiches that's it. She's asked multiple times to learn to cook things like lasagna but because her father doesn't like Dairy the "mother" won't teach her. She's flat out said she won't teach her anything cooking wise because it'll go wrong and it's not worth it. OP flat out has not taught her kid ANY life skills because she chose not to. The daughter wants to learn but isn't allowed.


Intelligent_Stop5564

Time to teach her to cook. Before you let her loose in the world, she should know how to make eggs, oatmeal, baked chicken/pork chops and mashed potatoes, spaghetti and garlic bread, and a few other staples.


Alyssa_Hargreaves

Read OPs comments. I feel so bad for the daughter. She clearly wants to learn to cook I mean she asked to learn to make lasagna yes theirs ways to make it faster but still it's pretty high on the difficulty list for new cooks that are still learning. But the "mother" seems so bent on making it where the daughter can't do anything for herself or will have to rely on take out


RahDeeDah

NTA - You said you'd make her something she likes, it's fine. If she wants to be grumpy, let her be grumpy.


MissPricklyUnicorn

NTA your daughter is at that age where she's figuring out her hormones, boundaries, likes and dislikes. It's 1 meal.she can deal with it. This has nothing to do.with favoring your nephew since it's the same scenario as Chinese food.


hatportfolio

NTA. You offered reasonable alternatives. >she felt like a kid that needs to get their stuff Which is exactly what she is acting as. >Im favoring my nephew over her He's a guest. Of course you are going to oblige a guest with the food he likes. She's got you the rest of life. >I got upset and told her she was completely wrong and we haven’t talked much, dinner is in 2-3 hrs. Do some parenting and talk to her.


Alyssa_Hargreaves

OP won't even teach her daughter how to cook. Read their comments. They flat out refuse to teach their daughter how to cook so all they can make is sandwiches and noodles. The daughter asked to be taught how to make Lasagna and their mother said no because the husband doesn't like dairy so she won't teach her. The supposed mother has not taught her daughter shit. The mother REFUSES to teach her how to cook.


noclevernickname2021

You're kidding, right? NTA, when guests are over, sometimes the menu changes. If she doesn't want the alternative **you've offered to make for her**, she can cook for herself or go hungry.


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chleotochloe

So that’s on you. Of course things are going to go wrong when someone is learning. But you not giving your 16 year old an opportunity to learn is going to put them at a disadvantage if they ever want to live on their own. My 10 year old step son cooks with us once a week cause cooking is an important life skill.


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chleotochloe

Dude if that’s the only thing she wants to make why not let her and your husband can eat something else? You don’t have to do anything but buy the ingredients. I’m sure that if she starts cooking she’s not only going to make lasagnas. You have to give her a chance to learn this skill or you’re hurting her future.


khalvvsi

so basically everyone has a right to not eat things they dislike except for your daughter


txteva

Daughter doesn't like olives. Didn't stop you cooking with them though.


1largeblueicee

Why can’t you just let her google some simple to follow recipes for beginners and trust her to do it on her own? Just be there to answer her questions. You sound like you can’t be bothered to be around your daughter.


Ema630

Oh, that's on you. She's 16 and needs to learn how to cook, especially if she wants to learn. Sure, recipies will go wrong, but that's how you learn. You cannot send her out into the world without the basic life skill of being able to cook mastered.


KingBretwald

Of course things go wrong. You never taught her how to cook! When learning new things, mistakes are made. That's normal. How will she ever learn if you don't allow her to make mistakes? Find someone who likes your daughter to teach her how to cook. Because it sounds from this that you don't like her much and therefore wouldn't make a good teacher.


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KingBretwald

What are you doing that actually SHOWS that you love your daughter? You're making her food you know she doesn't like. You're not including her in decisions that affect her. You're not teaching her a vital life skill. When she tells you she wants to learn a recipe you don't let her make it because your husband might not like it **even though he's said it's fine with him**. Your nephew's wants come first, her father's wants come first, when do **HER** wants come first with you?


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KingBretwald

OK, now you're just trolling. That's not a demonstration of love. Poor kid.


chleotochloe

Gotta keep her out of the kitchen some way 🙄


chleotochloe

Then get over yourself and teach her how to cook. If you’re too fucking lazy then use some of your husbands money so she can take a class. Loving a child means setting them up for success in life. You’re not doing that.


West_Beautiful9553

Not according to your post and not according to your comments.


Independent_Box_931

Uh-huh, yeah, sure. We totes believe you sweetie.


Queenoflimbs_418

I’m scared to see how you treat people you don’t like this that’s the case, OP. Bc you sure show a lot of disdain for someone you claims to love so much.


AccuratePenalty6728

By her age, I was regularly cooking meals for my family. Relax and let her learn. What do you think you’re risking? A couple meals not turning out well? Supervise early attempts, give her recipes you know are good, let her try and fail. Cooking is a vital life skill and I cannot comprehend why any parent wouldn’t want their child to learn.


jnnmommy

You need to let her learn. Everyone should know how to cook. It’s a little ridiculous that she’s 16 and can’t make basic things.


sifrult

My mom would do the same to me. She NEVER taught me to cook because she could always do it better, she knew how to do it, didn’t have patience with me, etc. Be better.


1largeblueicee

That’s how you learn - through trials and errors. You just don’t want to deal with the mess and it’s hindering her.