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AITA I refused to share diet with my pregnant wife

AITA I refused to share diet with my pregnant wife

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GlitterSparkleDevine

Shouldn't your wife be the one to decide what she eats? It's her body, after all, she should be the one to decide if she needs bland food or not. Edit: YTA for controlling your wife's choices. Edit: For everyone who thinks this was a doctor's advice - Where in the post is a doctor mentioned? OP mentions in the comments that the doctor is concerned about her weight - not nausea - and that she should cut out sweets which is a weird worry for a pregnancy where the woman is supposedly having trouble holding down food. OP also said that it's tradition, not verifiable medical advice, to make pregnant/nursing women eat bland food and cut out sweets. No where does it say the wife is okay with other people telling her what to eat.


SlackGame

Also what does the DOCTOR say? I have never heard a doctor say you can’t eat meat or seasoning. The doc should be helping to control the nausea.


AcanthaceaeNew7207

I think because of the nausea they realised that bland food was better for her than spicy food, I am thinking after eating spicy food she is worse off than after eating bland food, at least that's what I assumed from the post.


sumthingsumthingblah

But eating only vegetarian while nursing is not doctored ordered? Her MIL said it was bad. It would take a lot of green to make up all the calories she needs for nursing. I don’t blame her for being bummed.


AikoG84

I feel like there is a layer of cultural differences here that might nit have been pointed out in the post. The wife should have a doctor telling her what is ok to eat during pregnancy and while nursing for sure. I feel like OP is NTA because he made a perfectly reasonable compromise by eliminating junk food. Edit for some of ya'll that are confused: my NTA is based on OP not giving up meat. It has nothing to do with the overall treatment of his wife. If ya'll really want my verdict on that (which wasn't what was asked to be ruled on), I think that both OP and his mom suck. The wife is stuck struggling with cultural issues that I personally don't understand. BUt as I've already stated earlier in this comment, she needs to get a medical doctor to get her on a better diet and stop listening to people that aren't doctors.


maroongrad

OP is a nutritionist. That means absolutely nothing. There are no legal requirements, no medically certified programs, nothing. You can claim to be a nutritionist and advertise as such with zero repercussions. He hasn't been to medical classes for dieticians (the actual medical doctor version of this). He's NOT trained or educated enough to even BEGIN to make decisions for the well-being of a pregnant woman.


mangage

This post is a great example of just how little education "nutritionists" have. Dude is just going by what his mom said.


STcoleridgeXIX

He’s going by what his culture/religion/aryuveda says.


hiagha

He literally says his mom said it’s bad. Don’t put words in his mouth.


Old-Acanthaceae6226

No, STcoleridge is right: OPs mom is getting it from ayurveda, and he gets it from his mom, so indirectly he's getting it from ayurveda.


remainoftheday

nevertheless I think his mom is the problem.


Lunalovebug6

Some nutritionist. My sister has her degree in nutritional sciences and spent four years studying about nutrition at an accredited state university. She worked at a hospital planning meals for patients based on their illness, procedures they were undergoing, and medications they were taking.


ContemporaryHippie

Sounds like a dietician rather than a nutritionist


Ketima

Sounds like a case of "all dieticians are nutritionists but not all nutritionists are dieticians".


Spinnabl

I think that makes her a dietician, not a nutritionist? I might be mistaken.


MrsMomma20176

I’m horrified at the thought that the wife’s diet is being determined by the “nutritionist” husband, and not by her obstetrician. Only the OB should have input, as the developmental stages of the baby are absolutely affected by the mother’s diet.


theillusionofdepth_

and honestly, the reason the wife is having a rough pregnancy is probably due to lack of nutrients and calorie intake… I frequently vomited all nine months, but that didn’t take away my ability to work or eat a variety of food. This post is ridiculous.


Liv_Loves_D

Vitamins B12 and D before bed can reduce nausea in the mornings for some people like me. Better than supplements for those? Meats (especially organ meats), eggs, milk, and fatty fishes. The poor woman should be getting more of those not less right now.


aspermyprevious

Yes! Don’t confuse a “nutritionist” with a medical dietician. These people have degrees and work in hospitals and doctors offices.


Fairykinn

It depends on the country. Where I live nutritionists are certified.


Neshgaddal

This may come as a shock to you, but there are countries other than the US, each wit different laws and regulations.


Pav961

This may come as a shock to you, but in no country do nutritionist need a medical certification


PragmaticPanda42

In my country, nutritionists study for four years, plus one intern year at a hospital and the degree is given by a faculty of medicine in an accredited university. Yes, they aren't doctors, but they are definitely trained and certified. Edit: we only have dieticians, no one is a 'nutritionist' as defined in the US in my country. Everyone has to be trained and certified.


MollyPW

Are they actually called ‘nutritionists’, or is that a translation? If it’s a translation, they might actually be dietician, which is a protected title that people need a degree for.


AngelSucked

In the US, anyone can take a short weekend course and be a nutritionist, and in many states can just say they are one. Dieticians have a minimum of a Bachelor's degree, must do clinical work, keep up via CEUs, and many have advanced degrees. Same thing, just a different title.


depressionbarbie

Yeah the layer of culture is that Indian MILs rule their DILs lives and their sons are such mamas Boys they do jack all about it. That’s hardly admirable


juswannalurkpls

I got that vibe too. OP’s wife is an adult and doesn’t need him and MIL being the food police. Even a doctor can’t make her not eat certain foods - it’s her choice.


IPetdogs4U

It would be difficult to make up for the animal protein during pregnancy and nursing through a plant-based diet. I am sure it can be done, but it seems more risky. This doesn’t sound like advice from a doctor. Cultural differences definitely sound like a factor here. Also, mom should be able to decide if she wants to occasionally eat meat or spicy food. It’s not like she’s asking to do meth. I’m going with YTA for not letting a grown-ass woman decide what she eats, ffs. Edit: hello, vegetarians and vegans. I’m happy for you that you have chosen that diet. This lady hasn’t. It’s also misleading to suggest that some additional care isn’t required to be pregnant or nursing while vegetarian/vegan. This woman has apparently little or no control over her diet and choices. That’s the truly uncool thing here. I don’t see that MIL or the dad is especially qualified here, nor do I think anyone should force anyone else to eat a certain way. Yes, that includes not telling vegetarians and vegans they shouldn’t eat that way while pregnant. Which I have not. I explicitly said I think it’s possible. I won’t be responding further on this matter.


Library_lady123

So my husband is vegetarian (and Indian) and I am a non-vegetarian White western woman who generally has a vegetarian house. When I was pregnant and my OB told me how much protein I needed for healthy fetal development, my lifelong vegetarian husband literally learned to cook chicken breasts for me. His brother, also a lifelong vegetarian, did the same for his (also white, western) wife when she was pregnant. It's REALLY difficult to make up the necessary amount of protein needed in pregnancy while vegetarian, especially if you weren't raised vegetarian and you're constantly nauseated.


whyamithebadger

It's not hard to get adequate protein from a plant-based diet *IF* you don't have a lot of other restrictions and you like plant-based food. OP's wife is a pregnant woman though, and doesn't seem to like eating this way. Let her eat what she wants, OP! YTA!


AikoG84

I was thinking Indian as well, but I didn't see it on the post and didn't want to assume since I'm not Indian. There are many asian countries where MIL's rule DIL lives, particularly when grandchildren are involved.


depressionbarbie

I’m in healthcare in Pakistan, so I kinda knew it was from the subcontinent from the beginning, and Indian flatbread solidified it for me because no Pakistani would say that


Iam4c

>and Indian flatbread solidified it for me because no Pakistani would say that idi why this is so funny 🤣💀


Aedronn

It's not a reasonable compromise. The problem is the wife is not getting the nutrition she needs. OP changing his diet doesn't change the fact she not getting what her body craves. The pregnant body is great at instinctively knowing what it needs. It's like when pregnant women eat clay. Why would anybody ever eat clay? Turns out clay contains minerals that the body is short of because it's growing another life.


AikoG84

That is why I said she needed to be overseen by a doctor about her nutrition. She should be changing her own diet to eat what she wants instead of insisting that he change his. MIL needs to butt the fuck out as well. He did give into some of her demands by eliminating junk food. He's NTA for insisting on keeping meat in his diet. That is the part we were asked to judge. OP and MIL are both assholes for forcing her to change her diet when she didn't want to though.


neverthelessidissent

I could tell from the post that OP and his wife are South Asian, and that still doesn't make his mother a doctor.


AikoG84

Oh absolutely not. MIL needs to butt out and wife needs to see a doctor. Being that nauseated is not normal pregnancy and she needs some help.


ijustcantwithit

This is what I thought as well. I’ve never hear of someone having to eat bland and vegetarian during pregnancy and nursing. I think bland might help her eat but vegetarian? Chicken can be prepared with little to no spice. And why does all the food have to be spicy? There are delicious non spicy alternatives. So the only conclusion I have is it’s cultural. Also YTA. She’s struggling and you aren’t supporting her moral. She’s already having a rough go and you and your mom are eating food she likes in front of her all the time. The good stuff is kept in the house. Made in the house. The smells are lingering in the house. And then, you probably eat in front of her as well. Even if it’s a family meal. When my mom had to do a diet for medical reasons we either didn’t eat in the same areas or ate what she had.


tuahla

OP is an asshole for letting his mom bully his wife.


MountainBean3479

I’m Indian there isn’t actually. Her MIL is absurd


YellowLemonStories

His wife should still be making choices for her own body. Junk food in moderation isn't a bad thing, it seems extreme to totally eliminate it from her diet just because she's pregnant.


TsarinaAlexandra

She’ll have to pull a Kourtney K and drink 2 sticks of butter a day for calories. But I’m sure they don’t allow her butter. This is fucked up.


monkerry

Haha..my mom ate mostly cauliflower broccoli and spinach...thought my sister had caullic....poor little thing burped and farted through her first 2 months..doc only let her drink milk and veg for weight gain.because of the nausea...guessing what causes gas and bad breath....lactose..and only cruciferous vegetables...yeah... it was gas..the baby had gas from to much veg...so did mom.....take note..no on likes the stinks....


idwthis

Dude, I mean this in the nicest way possible, that is way too many ellipses. Also just a heads up, it's spelled "colic." Though I do get how the misspelling happened, since colic has a beginning sound that's the same as "cauliflower" lol


[deleted]

She can still eat meat though. This post pissed me off. Where does OP get off telling his wife what she can and can't eat and controlling her diet like this? She can eat non spicey meat! And a C section does not preclude you from eating spices. This is the dumbest post I've read this week.


blu3heron

Yeah, from what my mom talks about she ate a LOT of tacos when she was having my middle sib. And a lot of liverwurst when she was having me. I mean, your diet probably shouldn't consist of garbage when you're pregnant but you don't have to go vegetarian or bland.


Jay-Dee-British

For our first kid, my wife, who hates milk, craved milk. She drank loads of it. Month 3, hated milk again, hated me mentioning milk - now she was wanting meat. Chicken turkey steak, any of those were fine. Month 6 she also wanted cauliflower and spinach with the meat (milk was still out). Month 8 she wanted spicy foods and lots of them because she said nothing tasted 'right' without garlic or cayenne or paprika or at the bare minimum. Her OB was fine with all these because he said protein was a big thing required during pregnancy (and a developing baby would leach it, and calcium, from the mother if it was deficient).


johnny9k

I was confused by the c-section comment too. That has nothing to do with any of this. Avoiding spices while nursing? Yeah, that’s a real concern. But avoiding meat?!? Mama needs to increase her calories, protein, and iron.


DrakonBlu

There is absolutely NO REASON to avoid spicy food while nursing. That’s ridiculous. Why would that even be a thing?


AgathaM

I had heard that old chestnut that the flavor could come through the milk causing my child to have difficulty nursing. My son didn’t care. I ate whatever I wanted (aside from alcohol) and it wasn’t a problem.


DrakonBlu

Even *small* amounts of alcohol are not an issue! Especially with an older baby. Say a single beer on a hot Saturday or a single glass of wine with dinner. There is more alcohol naturally occurring in apple juice than in breast milk after a breastfeeding person has consumed a single drink. Drinking while caring for a baby is a huge issue, but not because alcohol is getting into milk. It’s because babies are hurt or killed by inebriated caregivers. No parent/caregiver should drink more that lightly around a young child, no matter how the child is fed. Even after they are independent, lightly drinking around your kids is still important if you choose to imbibe. Sets a good example. Dang it, how did I get up on this soapbox? I don’t remember putting it here?


DeshaMustFly

The whole eating spices while nursing thing is an old wives tale. It can change the flavor/smell of the milk, but studies have shown that it has no adverse affects on infants.


nachtkaese

I think current wisdom\* is that it's actually *good* for infants, because the changing flavors of the breast milk gets them used to different tastes before they start real food. \*of course, to my knowledge, there's no data on any of this, because there is basically no solid data supporting any of the shit they tell pregnant/nursing women to do.


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yayscienceteachers

Nothing except old wives tales.


lanakickstail

Right?! I did not have nausea at all during my pregnancy so can’t speak to that, but the last couple months I did have some hellish heartburn. My baby was breech and basically her head pushed up my stomach and esophagus so acid went up much more easily. Definitely made sure I didn’t eat too much or anything that may make my heartburn worse, but after my c-section I could go back to what I wanted to eat. And then breast feeding made me HUNGRY. I can’t imagine having to eat only vegetarian foods to get all those calories and nutrients


[deleted]

Same here. I had GERD the last few months of my pregnancies as well so I just avoided foods that triggered it. I certainly didn't switch to an all plant based diet against my will. And I have had two c sections and neither one impacted what I could and could not eat. I feel like OP read the Really Big Book of Stupid and Incorrect Medical Knowledge and ran with it.


bathingstanuris

I had two c-sections. The second one was planned. I was never told to only eat certain foods because of it.


SlackGame

But isn’t that for the woman to decide? Maybe she wants to take some anti-nausea meds and try a few bites. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but this post sounds like a lot of AHs are making choices for someone else.


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Able_Secretary_6835

The nursing comment makes me suspicious of OP and grandma's qualifications for making diet decisions.


IceyLizard4

Yeah this whole post pisses me off. OP get off your high horse and actually take your wife to a doctor who knows about pregnancy instead of your bs. YTA and you know it.


maroongrad

They have NONE. None at all. A dietician is someone medically trained to give nutritional advice. He's a nutritionist. Want to be a nutritionist? Say you are a nutritionist and print out and frame a fancy looking certificate, and congrats. You're a nutritionist. Even the ones with valid biology classes via an actual university are in no way, shape, or form at all qualified to pass judgment on what a pregnant woman should eat.


canyousteeraship

They aren’t pregnant. She is. She should be the one to decide what she eats. OP, you and your mom are bullies. You are following misguided information that has no scientific basis. Let your wife decide what the hell she wants to eat. YTA


eveoftheforest

When I was pregnant, high protein foods helped stave off the morning sickness. Why would she cut out meat as a high protein source? Grind and add enzymes to help with digestion.


Cleantech2020

This, also don't you need like proper nutrition while the fetus is growing. That diet seems to be more heavy on carbs that anything.


Vistemboir

As per OP's post: >My mom said she'll have to eat it for longer than that as eating spicy and non vegetarian food is bad for nursing women. Who ever said that? I'm pretty sure that in most of Asia and Africa nursing women eat lots of spicy food. OP and his mom sound incredibly controlling.


maroongrad

And it's likely to affect the health of both wife and baby, too. Guess who has biology and other science degrees from accredited colleges, who's been pregnant, and who teaches biomedical classes? Me. And his "advice" is just about the most medically unsound horsehockey I've heard. I really hope her doctor gives him and his mom an earful and gets her on the right diet pronto...because at 5 months, that brain starts growing and her current diet will stunt it.


nachtkaese

All I know is you could have pulled my panang curry out of my cold dead hands when I was pregnant and recovering from a c-section.


Qu33q3g

I was actually told to eat some more meat because I got anemic when I was pregnant (you absorb the iron from meat more easily).


trixiepixiegirl

Same! And I was told to cook everything I could in a cast iron because every little bit helps. Now I have a full blown obsession with my cast iron pans, but that is just life lol


almafinklebottom

I'm a CLEC and Postpartum Doula. I work with mamas and newborns every day. The first thing I'm hearing is that your wife is having more intense as well as longer bouts of nausea than is typical. She would possibly benefit from a visit to her Midwife or OB\GYN in order to determine if she needs meds as severe and extended nausea can be a medical concern. The 2nd thing I'm hearing is that there's a cultural belief happening within your family (specifically your mom) that is imposing rules not based on the evidence we have currently as far as diet when pregnant, nursing, or recovery postpartum (with or without surgery). It is incorrect to tell your wife she's not allowed animal products. The only person to decide that is your wife, and that is only between her and her health practitioner. The third thing I'm hearing is that she does not feel supported or heard, and she is desiring camaraderie and compassion from you and your mom. But most importantly from YOU. Like you said, it's only another few months so IMHO you're the one who needs to step up and do what she needs you to do during this really challenging time in her life. Lastly, check you mother, full stop. Her advice, at best, is simply outdated and, at worst, could have the potential to harm your unborn baby and its mama, your wife. Your job is to protect them, even from loved ones who are well intentioned. I say you're sort of an asshole with room for improvement.


viralplant

Sounds like OP is Indian, most Indian doctors go to advice is to switch to being vegetarian. It doesn’t always work and doesn’t always help but in a country of vegetarianism it is a common (if not always correct) belief.


socku14

Not true. It varies from place to place but Indian Ob/Gyns are not charlatans who prescribe such ridiculous diets based on old wives'tales. In fact where my Mom is from, the new mother is expected to consume an entire goat after her delivery. Not in one sitting, mind you, but I guess what it entails is having every part of the goat, in some dish or the other. Now that is a local belief alright and may not be followed to the letter these days. And another myth is that Indians are predominantly vegetarian. Again, not true. Few communities are but definitely not a majority. Maybe vegetarians are more vociferous about their food choices? I wouldn't know why that is a commonly held belief about Indians tho. OP is an absolute AH for putting his wife through this just because 'Mommy says so'. YTA.


ajbates11

Yeah that sounds like bullshit unless those foods are literally making her sick. If anything she should be having stuff with more calcium since your body looses so much when pregnant. Only time I like drinking milk is when pregnant since my body needs it. And for nursing also bullshit unless the kid is allergic to it and having stomach issues.


StorageRecess

He and his mommy are concerned about her ability to lost weight after the birth, per [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qby4hu/aita_i_refused_to_share_diet_with_my_pregnant_wife/hhcihze/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) post and think this will help. I wonder if she even wants or needs a c-section, or this is for the husband, too? This is abuse.


Cleantech2020

yes, don't hospitals decide on a c -section only if natural way doesn't work?


StorageRecess

There can be a variety of reasons, but generally this is right. I had one C-section and one vaginal birth. Recovery from the C-section was much worse. I can’t imagine choosing it. But some people want them because they fear the vagina won’t be as “tight” after vaginal birth, and I really hope she’s not being bullied into it because she needs to be thin and tight for hubby.


moneypennyrandomnumb

There can be various reasons why a vaginal birth would potentially be dangerous to mother or baby that they would know before delivery starts and possibly early on in pregnancy (or even a condition known before a person gets pregnant!). The fact that she is on bed rest 4 months before baby is due suggests she has some actual medical issue/concern. So I would not presume the c-section is just a matter of personal preference.


brandilynn28

THIS IS ABUSE. Full stop. You have no right to control and dictate what your wife eats. This is not healthy for a woman who is carrying a baby and later nursing. YTA. Her body needs more than what you’re allowing her. Stop. Just stop. Let her eat whatever she needs and wants now and later.


WantDastardlyBack

> She's being made to eat only green leafy vegetables, other veggies, rice, Indian flatbread, lentils and curd...My mom is also very strict about her not eating too much oil, sweets, junk, etc. It doesn't even sound like the OP is the one enforcing it. It's the MIL and that doesn't set well with me. When I was pregnant, one of the first things my OB/GYN told me when I was dealing with extreme nausea was that lemon and ginger would become my best friends. Cruciferous veggies made me gag. I lived for a long time on baked potatoes, ginger-lemon chicken breasts or pork loin, and veggies like carrots, peas, and spinach that was sauteed with lemon and pepper.


t_bythesea

Was coming to say that about ginger, lemon and garlic. I lost my equilibrium due to inner ear issues and vertigo, so nausea was INTENSE for weeks as my body learned to adjust. During that time I ate ginger candy, Greek lemon soup and lots of garlicy foods to keep nausea as manageable as possible. It helped so much.


Charming-Teach-9210

Hopping on the top comment to add perspective. Indian here; same with OP I suspect. Pregnancy in India is a 'family' thing, with everyone in the world (MIL, aunt's, mom's) believing they know what's best for the baby - more than the doctors and the preggo woman herself. Often, the poor lady is bullied into 'doing what's best for the child' even if those beliefs are outdated. OP, YTA for not standing up to your mom. Let your wife make informed food choices on her own!


NachoDawg

You're misunderstanding the post. She's not asking to eat what OP eats, she's asking OP to eat what she eats.


bendingspoonss

Yes, but throughout the whole post, OP implies that his wife is only eating this way to begin with because his mom is making her. So why is she even on this diet to begin with? Is it because she actually needs/wants to be, or is it because OP's mom has decided this is what she needs to eat? > My mom is also very strict about her not eating too much oil, sweets, junk, etc. > I tried consoling her by telling her that it's just for 4 more months but she said since she is likely to have a C section, she'll not be allowed to have anything but bland food for 2 months at least. Even if some of this is coming from her nausea, it sounds like a lot of it is being forced on her for no reason. Who's not "allowing" her to have seasoned food after a C-section? That's not normal.


MildlyConfusedHuman

Yeah… because they aren’t allowing her to eat what they are eating. “My mom makes bland food for her,” “My mom is also *very strict* about her not eating too much oil, sweets, junk, etc.” OPs wife should be allowed to eat what she wants and if she gets nauseous or acid reflux let her be. She is a grown woman and it is trial and error to see what she can/cannot eat without getting sick. The most he can do is eat what she eats at this point.


Pickled_Tink_Tea

She first asked to eat what they were eating. But OPs mother said no, she had to stick to vegetarian food while pregnant. So she asked OP to join in the same diet as her, but he refused.


PreviouslyBannedXD

That sounds reasonable, if this guy’s mom is forcing her to eat that way, he should also have to eat that way. I don’t like the way this guy OR his mom come across. Pretty controlling.


LicencetoKrill

She's asking him to share in her misery that is being further dictated by her husband and MIL. They (maybe more-so MIL, but he condones it) are telling her to eat bland food, and that diet must continue through nursing because spicy food is bad while nursing (which I don't even know to be true). As someone higher up said, the mother-to-be should have some bodily autonomy, and decide what she is and is not capable of eating.


HedgehogFarts

I understand that and I still think YTA for controlling her choices.


James-Morgano

I was really ill through my whole pregnancy and spicy food is actually helpful with nausea. YTA for controlling her diet so much and then eating other things around her. Poor woman needs to get herself out of there!!


AliceInNukeland

YTA, OP. Let her make her own decisions about what to eat. There will be a point in her pregnancy where everything including water gives her heartburn. Are you going to make her stop drinking water for her own good?


ivylass

And what does her doctor say?


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TropheyHorse

Or for nursing mothers? Since restrictions, like no alcohol, but no non-vegetarian or spicy foods? Sounds like bullshit to me.


Fancypickles

It is bullshit. I nursed for 6 years all total and ate all the hot and spicy food. The kids didn’t care one bit. And I figure if the hot peppers did cross over in the milk, it would have burned me too.


D-Jewelled

Unfortunately, a lot of Indian doctors appear to subscribe to the myth that vegetarian food is automatically healthier than meat. I've been put on this sort of bullshit diet myself, felt sicker, and then went back to eating meat "against doctors' orders".


monotonic_glutamate

Damn! This is wild! Your body will produce the milk no matter what, so if the mom isn't getting enough nutrients, she's the one who's gonna suffer in the end. I was tired all the time during the first months of intense nursing, I can't imagine having to deal with that sort of dietary bullshit on top.


Numerous-Ad6254

This! My oldest is now 25. The health issues I have now are serious, impacted my teeth, bones and blood. What I wish I knew then. I was underweight during my pregnancy and after for the longest time. I’ve had three children and barely every ate meat and even then only chicken or Turkey. No soy. Just so many issues. Like you said , the body will give the baby what it’s need taking nutrients from moms body.


notaxecell

No non vegetarian is Bullshit I tell you, I have C section and the first thing the obgyn tell me is TO EAT MEAT THAT CONTAIN A LOT OF PROTEIN so the healling process of birthing will be faster especially around the wound. The nutrition from the full meal will be good for the breast milk. I'd die of anemia if I just eat vegetarian food like my MIL said. No thanks the doctor know best. Also I eat spicy food since pregnant and still doing it now my baby is 8 m/o


AzureMagelet

I thought the no meat after birth thing was weird too. My grandma told my SIL to eat a lot of meat after birth to help her body heal and have nutrients for the baby. Granted she’s not a doctor but that all made sense to us.


notaxecell

Yeah, that basically what the doctor told me before my discharge from the hospital, except if have a health condition when you can't digest meat then you must eat it to help you heal.


Eelpan2

I get the feeling this is a cultural thing, that OP and his mom at least arent in a western country. I have strong suspicions of where they may be from.


Nevaeh_Melendez

In a comment he said these are Indian traditions, but a lot of people who are Indian replied saying they’ve never heard of these before so why knows if it’s truly cultural.


Tactical_pho

Eh. Am I currently nursing. I cut down significantly on spicy food because it made my daughter’s reflux awful. There’s a noticeable difference. It’s very baby-dependent. During pregnancy, I practically mainlined green Chile. Also pregnancy-dependent. This sounds purely cultural to me and not grounded in fact.


sporadiccatlady

I'm currently nursing. I eat everything.This poor mom is going to have issues if she doesn't meet the caloric intake she needs to sustain TWO human beings. OP and his mom are definitely TA. I'd have lost my shit if someone tried to control my diet while pregnant.


DianneQuinn

It's dependent on the health of the infant. My nephew has severe acid reflux and digestion issues (poor kid, jesus) pretty much from birth, so my SIL can't have anything but bland food as she is nursing. She can still have lean meats like chicken, but even her veg intake is restricted (gassy veg like broccoli translates to belly pain for her wee one). For the record I am not disagreeing with you, most mamas are fine eating less bland food when nursing, but it *does* happen that mom is stuck on a plain diet when she's nursing.


Tiger_lavender

thats up to the mom to decide not the MIL.


flyingmonkey5678461

It's called cultural pregnancy traditions. My bet is they are Indian. Chinese have a lot of similar restrictions (but we have lots of meat!) Stuff like no dark substances or the scar will not heal well, no cold foods, no inflammatory foods...My family are not that traditional so it's all good thankfully, though I am being forced to eat a lot of chicken and ginger. The rules she's being subjected to suck. At least some of the Chinese ones I can see the logic in them if you go back to non-modern times (e.g. no bathing for a month...probably a good idea when there was no central heating. )


moa711

You don't bathe for a month? Postpartum? I would have hated that. The first time I felt human again was that first shower after having my sons. Scrubbing the adhesive off my skin and rinsing the lady parts with warm water felt so good. ETA, I think there is confusion over the bathing word. For me the word "bathe" includes showering, and not just a bath in a tub. I agree that a tub bath isn't good, plus it would likely be like the tide at Normandy. I bled a lot those first few weeks. The shower though, I haven't had a shower that felt better than that first one postpartum.


SammySoapsuds

Bathing and showering are different things. I have read that the advice against taking baths is meant to prevent infections from the tub/bathwater while your body is still healing


perkypots

Yes! Keeping her on this diet if it is not recommended by a doctor is really weird. Eating less greasy and spicy foods might help with heartburn or nausea, but she shouldn't be kept on a bland diet for any other reason. It sounds like she is kind of forced into this diet and for this reason YTA. I'm actually on a specific diet (low carb) while pregnant, because of gestational diabetes, which is a genuine medical treatment. I don't blame my husband for eating sugar or carbs sometimes, but he mostly eats along with me. He helps me to make the best of the situation by figuring out tasty dishes that I'm allowed to eat. Doing that might make OP less of an AH. Also never heard of dietary restrictions after c-section (and I've had one of those). And besides alcohol nothing is off limits while nursing. Seriously, talk to your doctor about about this, because this makes no sense at all.


ferrisweelish

In a lot of Asian cultures there are some random unproved restrictions on what pregnant/nursing women can eat. For some reason my friend who got a c-section wasn’t allowed to eat rice? Idk why, her MIL just refused to let her eat rice until her stitches were healed. She also didn’t let her drink tea regularly and during the last few weeks of pregnancy forced her to drink milk with butter so the baby ‘slides out.’ Obviously that didn’t work because she had an emergency c-section🙄


Curious_Mongoose

Yes, exactly. I had terrible acid with both my babies, and it was to the point by the end (not at 5 months!) that even the max dose of otc acid medicine wasn't enough. So I did have a diet of basically what he's describing. It totally sucked. But you better believe that after my c-section I started eating food with flavor again! I also breastfed and it was fine to eat whatever.


CakeEatingRabbit

YTA You and your mother are extremly controlling and in that cold and selfish. It is acutally unhealthy to eat an extremly condensed diet while pregnant and it's important to have a diversifed diet.


aggravated-asphalt

I couldn’t imagine that diet when I was pregnant. YTA op, give your wife variety she deserves.


Dafuzz

"But then she might throw up and I think that's really gross!"


Hippolyta1978

What? Your mom is telling your wife what she can and can't eat? Yta. And this is fucked up


Ekaterina702

Definitely the mother/son duo women try to avoid marrying into. Yikes on trikes. I feel sorry for the pregnant wife. YTA.


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Glengal

and I’d never have another child with “them”. one and done.


Inconspicuously_here

I'm 9 months pregnant right now. If my MIL or husband tried this I'd be gone. Poor woman :( OP should be supporting his wife, not letting his mom control the situation. YTA OP. Also, nursing women don't have to eat bland, I ate what I wanted when nursing my son (minus cutting down on dairy a bit because it made him gassy) , he was chunky and happy


RuralRedhead

And you have to appreciate the bizarre pseudoscience thrown in there for good measure too. I feel so bad for this woman, everyone in her life is trying to keep her miserable!


EuphorbiasOddities

Yeah him claiming to be a nutritionist and yet still running the show really raises some red flags for me. I bet a registered dietician would be all over him for this nonsense if they actually visited one.


Ipsissima_verba

Info - who told her she has to eat this diet ? You or her doctor? I have had c/sections and did not have to eat bland food after them.


devilonmytongue0

yeah a “nutritionist and fitness trainer” should not be giving any dietary advice.. get advice from a dietician


dpezpoopsies

I physically tried to upvote this more than once. Specifically they should be looking for a **certified** dietician or nutritionist. Both would be more qualified. And not only this, but even if OP *is* a certified dietician or nutritionist (which I doubt based on the diet they are prescribing), they should get outside advice specifically from from a prenatal dietitian or nutritionist. Edit: just to be clear a Registered Dietician is the correct title, not a certified Dietician (thank you to users in the comments who made sure I used the right wording)


Slapbox

Educate me if I'm wrong, but "certified nutritionist" isn't a thing, not is an "uncertified dietitian." A dietitian is who you need to speak to.


ksarahsarah27

Honestly I don’t think I’d ever marry a fitness trainer - they seem like the type to be totally controlling about what you’re eating etc and ultra focused on looks.


AffectionateBit2262

Exactly.


EntertainmentLazy843

I have been told in my first trimester (by my dr) not to eat chili as it can induce labor (I had a complicated first trimester - with bleeding and almost lost my little one). On the other hand - I have been told to eat meat and eggs - provided that everything is cooked longer.


Weekly_Candidate_823

This- you, OP, or her doctor? A ‘nutritionist’ is a loose title, literally anyone can call themselves as such. Even if you were a registered dietitian, you likely wouldn’t be the RD of your wife.


prusg

Yeah, this is nonsense. I ate spicy food through my entire pregnancy and immediately after my csection and throughout 14 months of nursing. No one ever told me I couldn't, though they mentioned baby might react while nursing but mine never did. And the meat thing is bogus too, pregnant and nursing women need lots of iron. OP and his mom are AHs.


deskbeetle

I have had several family members go through a spicy food kick during their pregnancies. My boyfriend's mother also said during her pregnancies she would eat chilis like cherries from the jar.


Mr_Ham_Man80

YTA. Largely because it seems like sentences like "non vegetarian food is bad for nursing women" is not based on fact. Surely there's a compromise between not eating **all** the spicy yet still being able to eat a balanced diet with meat etc... Pregnant women don't have to go vegan. I don't think you necessarily need to have the same diet as your wife btw, but surely there's better compromises than what's going on here. Get her doctor's advice and let your wife decide based on that. It sounds like you're letting your mum be very overly controlling here.


Doctor-Liz

Spicy food is definitely fine during pregnancy! It was all I even wanted to eat, and actually soothed my nausea. Husband is being superstitious, controlling by proxy and very selfish. He is TA on all counts.


Mr_Ham_Man80

That's fair enough. I assume his wife has some issues with food during the pregnancy but the extent it's written out does seem very controlling.


Doctor-Liz

Elsewhere in the comments OP says he and his mother (and probably wife) are Indian, they can have some very rigid ideas about what food is appropriate for a particular time/venue/social occasion/life stage.


SnakesInYerPants

If he and his mom are going to force this diet on her, they **absolutely** should also be following it in solidarity. If they had medical degrees and were properly prescribing her this diet then leaving her to make the adult decision on whether or not to follow it, then yeah they don’t need it. But in a comment OP admitted this diet is a custom **specifically so the mother can lose the water weight faster after birth.** Want your wife to be skinny? You get to follow the awful diet too or you can fuck right off.


drop-of-honey

I knew as soon as I read it that the motivation was weight control. It’s disgusting that he admitted that.


Adept_Award_3046

OP already stated that the diet is a cultural tradition to his locality. He says she can’t eat spicy because she will retain water weight and that after she gives birth she has to tie cloths around her waist. The diet is basically so she gets skinny faster wrapped up in some first trimester nausea to make it appear that it’s for her health. He also said she doesn’t have to consult a doctor because his mom used to be a midwife. He didn’t expand on what her educational background was nor did he mention when she worked and whether her experiences have been in line recent with medical advances. I don’t think it’s just mom being controlling here. Good luck to the baby, hopefully they feed it a rounded diet.


FjortoftsAirplane

"My mom said she'll have to eat it for longer than that as eating spicy and non vegetarian food is bad for nursing women." Probably best to stop taking nonsense advice from your Mum. YTA.


AtomicMandarina

Yes, I was like WTF, they are able to eat almost normally by the time they get home (spice level depending on her doctor's orders, not his mom's). They both (OP + his mother) sound like huuuuge controling AH. YTA Edit: I know new mothers can eat normally basically after giving birth, but many hospitals will give them a bland diet / low-sodium / fat-free meals, at least in my country. They recommend not eating anything that could irritate the stomach in case you are taking oral meds, in order to prevent gastritis.


FjortoftsAirplane

I'm a total layman (and I do mean man) but my understanding is the requirements of a pregnant woman aren't really that different. It's not like healthy things are suddenly unhealthy and unhealthy things are suddenly healthy. Protein is still protein and you still need it to live. You tweak a pregnant woman's diet to accommodate things like heartburn but you don't need to suddenly go vegetarian and have no flavour in your diet. That's madness.


Mother-Of-Demon

There are certain things you shouldn't eat as you are more vulnerable to infections from bacteria in them. For example rare steaks, shellfish etc can give you food poisoning (Salmonella) and Mr Whippy ice cream and soft or unpasteurised dairy products contain listeria/salmonella and/or can cause toxoplasmosis. All of these can cause serious illness and miscarriage/stillbirth or early birth. A large amount of fish, such as tuna, swordfish, rock salmon and others have high levels of mercury in them and should be avoided. Alcohol and drugs go without saying. So yes, some restriction is advised, however other than that pregnant women can eat spicy curry and stuff their face with junk food as much as they like.


cannacupcake

Yeah, but like, his mom was a midwife. So clearly she knows everything about babies and pregnancy! At least, that’s the vibe I’m getting from OP. I suspect he’s a little too attached to mom’s advice.


FjortoftsAirplane

I scrolled through for a few of his replies. The big tell was, unless he's said it now, that he never said any specific condition. No "She has severe acid reflux and IBS so spice is out for now on doctor's orders", just a restatement of "My Mum's a midwife" or "She can't keep spicy food down". I kind of think his wife knows what she can and can't keep down.


almostalice64

YTA. She is your wife, not your mother's other child. Let her eat what she wants ffs. I pray your mom doesn't try to control everything once the baby is born.


ThoughtfullyYours

How are you and your mom gonna tell a grown woman what she can and can not eat? She should be eating meat as well. You need the extra protein and fats. Also, how you gonna eat good stuff in front of a pregnant woman and tell her she cant have any? YTA She isnt property. Shes a damn human being. Let her eat what she wants.


Valerain_Alice

YTA And so is your mum. Your wife is struggling and hates her food but instead of at least when you’re with her eating the same you are cooking stuff she would like and eating it in front of her. That’s nasty. Also not sure what business does your mum have in telling your adult wife what she can or can’t do or eat.


grim_melee

I just want to pin my YTA to this comment


YT_HK

YTA. Not wanting to forego animal proteins for some months while being at home vs. supporting your pregnant wife who has a hard time with her pregnancy and the probability of a C-sections sounds childish and selfish. What are you afraid of? Losing dem gainz? Increasing body fat? Dunno about the nutritional facts regarding pregnancy, but I‘d „sacrifice“ my eating habits to support the woman that goes through pain and sacrifice herself to give birth to my child/children.


TheGlaceonTrainer

Another benefit of going on the same diet is to make sure it’s healthy. If you can’t be on the same diet then how do you know that its healthy for your pregnant wife?


YT_HK

And you have to cook only one meal.


UnhingingEmu

If he was a good Nutritionalist, he could easily plan a protein rich diet that included no meat to keep all of those gains. That is literally their job. The fact that he's refused to do this tells me it's pure selfishness. His wife is going through incredible physical, emotional, and personal changes and he can't be bothered to have a protein shake instead of steak for 4 more months


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CliodhnasSong

"Take her to a fucking doctor." x 100 I had severe morning sickness which caused internal issues the first 4 months of my first pregnancy. It was trial and error as to what was edible and what kept me on the toilet holding a barf bag. My doc sent me to a dietician and we came up with a reasonable diet plan so I didn't die of starvation and so my baby would develop well. Now, a vegetarian diet is fine for expectant mothers, but that should be decided on by the wife and her ACTUAL DOCTOR. OP, YTA.


Nyukorin

What a gorgeous comment, I applaud you 👏👏 YTA


Expensive_Fee696

INFO: Im sorry im just confused. Is she eating like this because of medical problems or is it a cultural thing? In your post and comments i feel like they are somewhat blended and thats not ok. Find out what is medically responsible and for god's sake please seek out a midwife who is NOT a direct family member. This dietary restrictions placed upon your wife are extreme and i feel so bad for her. The hormones that are causing your wife to feel this way, usually leave the body in or around the second trimester. What am i doing here... you are a trained professional you should know all this. YTA


Doctor-Liz

*Is* he trained? Any jackass can call themselves a nutritionist, it's not a protected term and there are a lot of fad gurus who use it to pretend they have an education.


SeattleBattles

I had a nutritionist tell me I could cure my cancer with lemon rinds and oils. I told them I had a team of real doctors handling that and that they could fuck right off. This kind of pseudoscience bullshit pisses me off. Especially when it's be forced on someone like OP's poor wife. Few things are worse than arrogance combined with stupidity.


Expensive_Fee696

Where I am it actually is protected by law. Cant call yourself a nutritionist or Dietist without proper training.


newbeginingshey

It’s a cultural thing. He’s Indian and Hindu. They have spiritual/religious beliefs about nutrition - some of which are handy, like the iron rich, high calorie foods that are traditionally fed to postpartum women - but given what OP and his mom have cherry picked to focus here, clearly this is just an excuse for the MIL to bully the DIL and the husband to keep his wife weak and confined.


BringOnTheCoffee

Spot on! - an indian woman


AlenJosph521

YTA Your wife is struggling with keeping up her food diet thats being forced on her and you are only willing to support her until it’s “ inconvenient” for you. Man the fuck up. Switch to your spouses diet.


BrilliantYouth3688

Non vegetarian food is bad for nursing moms? Since when? Why can't she have sweets? Do they make her nauseated?


IbeatSARS2x

YTA Unpopular opinion here but stay with me.. let’s ignore the whole what pregnant women should eat thing that’s going on here because that’s not what OP is inquiring about and quite frankly, that’s a cultural tradition and just cause your culture says this that and the other doesn’t mean that that is the right way to go about it. OK. So let’s unpack this a bit. Your wife is making unpleasant dietary changes because of the pregnancy (notice I did not say her pregnancy because you do have a part in this baby!), and she has requested that you join her as an act of solidarity. But you choose not to because you prefer your usual diet because you do not want to be inconvenienced? YTA To me this is no different than the preggo who gets gestational diabetes and the spouse wants to continue chowing down on donuts. YTA. Instead of looking at this as an inconvenience, reframe your brain. Look at this as an opportunity to try different recipes, an opportunity to show your wife that you care! Good luck. I wish you a healthy baby and I wish everyone involved here an uneventful rest of the pregnancy.


runnergaltx

YTA. I had severe morning sickness with my second and I was still able to eat whatever I wanted, when I could keep it down. I also was able to eat whatever I wanted after both c-sections and while breastfeeding. YTA, you and your mom. You say your mom is a midwife, but I’m really questioning her advice. Have your wife go see her actual doctor. Let her eat what she wants and join her in solidarity.


Competitive_Tree_113

Agreed. And not just the "down the lane family doctor" but an actual OBGYN who is educated in pregnancy. There's some weird advice going on in this post.


Ok_Championship6314

You are absolutely the A and so is your mum. Let her eat what she wants you misogynistic throwback


AffectionateBit2262

YTA. Whose idiotic idea was the diet your wife is on? Whilst there are certain foods such as deli meats and soft cheeses that pregnant women should avoid but other than that a pregnant woman can eat pretty much anything that anyone else eats. And eating spicy foods and non vegetarian foods is NOT bad for nursing women. I am 8 months pregnant and I can tell you that if my husband or anyome else apart from my doctor tried to tell me what I can and cannot eat they would regret it for a very long time.


Noelle_Frostmas

Yes YTA and so is your mother. Dictating what she can and can not eat is close to abuse. Unless told by an actual medical professional, she can eat what she wants. Stop treating her like an incubator, she's her own person not just a vessel for your unborn child. I feel so bad for your wife, she's on her own.


bikingwithfriends

YTA, your mom is also TA. “I and my mom do the household chores since my wife is unable to do anything due to severe nausea, bloating, acidity, etc.” First off this is nothing to do with your question and shouldn’t even be in this post. You are using it to make yourself look good. Secondly, none of these would cause a pregnant women to not be able to do chores. I agree with the previous comment; c-sec and breastfeeding doesn’t control women eating meat and spicy food. I’ve also never heard of a complication that would need a women not to eat meat or spicy food. Now I have heard of a diet low in salt, fat, controlled carbs, or fluid restrictions. I’m order for you to change my opinion you need to state what medical problem she has that her OB Is making her adjust to this diet. As it sits now it’s your mother and you that is! You are not her doctor; let the women eat. From a medical standpoint bland foods typically great for patients that have severe nausea and vomiting. But we also suggest to our patients that if you’re craving something; eat it!!! Let the women eat what she wants when she wants! You’re being controlling.


fungustoefred

I’m confused why she “has” to eat this kind of diet? There’s nothing that says she can’t eat spicy food as tolerated and no reason she can’t eat it after c-section unless she’s specifically been told this by a doctor. If she’s not tolerating the foods well then she may choose not to eat it but you’re NTA for not catering to her stomachs demands. Spicy food isn’t necessarily bad for nursing moms but could change the taste of the milk to make it intolerable to the baby. The baby could also have sensitivities but you won’t know that until you have the baby in your arms, there’s no predicting the diet needs. When I was pregnant with my girl I could barely get anything down but sweets definitely hit the spot for me and helped me get other food down. Let the woman eat whatever she wants unless told by a doctor she can’t or shouldn’t.


MoodySpidey

Never heard of pregnant woman being forced bland food, even with nausea majority of pregnant women can handle some meat in their meals.Yes, you're supposed to cut down junk or greasy food but no meat? YTA.


heva22

Yta everything you and your mum said is a load of rubbish, she can eat what she want before and after birth unless it triggers the nausea and I ate many a curry while nursing and I nursed for over a year no problems and I definitely ate a lot of meat


Comprehensive-Sun954

YTA and a phony nutritionist if you believe all that crap you wrote. She’s fine with spice and meat. Even when pregnant. She needs medical advice, not some mumbo jumbo you have made up. Signed: someone with actual qualifications.


Dry-Gazelle-3530

Yta. You and your mom sound down right evil and controlling. Does your mom think this is her baby as well and the vessel should eat well to take care of her baby? Ridiculous. I saw in a comment you made that you said your mom was a midwife. Put emphasis on the was part because it doesn’t sound like she is any longer. Your mother isn’t qualified to give outdated medical advice. And it seems down right heartless and cruel the way you two are feeding her, and your mother telling her she has to eat like this the rest of her life basically. You sound like a clueless mothers boy who is just bobble heading and not even thinking of contacting your wife’s doctor for advice, or even googling some recipes of tasty things your wife can eat. She sounds like she might as well be in jail. You’re so worried that she’ll gain weight. It doesn’t sound like the spices are a problem if she can’t eat sweet or junk food either. If this is her first pregnancy I feel bad. The throwing up part already sucks and she can’t have comfort food because of you and your mom. EDIT: I am amazed someone gave me gold for this, thank you so much.


VonShtupp

YTA - OP as someone who has some extended education, the fact that you haven’t brought your clearly in need of medical help wife to an education professional is more than enough to be labeled an asshole. The fact that you refuse to even play along with your wife while forcing her to follow “traditional” cultural birthing practices vs checking in the very basic, modern medical practices just make you a hypocritical asshole.


Ill_Humor93

YTA Your wife is asking for some solidarity while she goes through a tough pregnancy. She CANT eat those things, you just dont want to stop. Like you said, "... it's just for 4 more months".


Redefined421

YTA. Do you know how much energy is required to grow a human being inside of your body? No? Well, I’ll tell you, it’s A LOT. She’s going to need as much protein, carbs, and healthy fats as she can get, especially if she was small to begin with. I doubt she’s getting enough calories with all of these CULTURAL (not medical) restrictions you and your mother are placing on her diet. It also takes a lot of energy to breastfeed, and even with a full balanced, healthy diet (including meat proteins and healthy fats) many women have a hard time producing enough milk, so I can’t imagine how your wife is going to get through it on,y eating leafy greens because that’s what you and your mom want her to do.


dunkdaafunk

Congratulations on the pregnancy! My partner is also pregnant and about the same distance along. We researched pregnancy diet and found a good balanced that includes plenty of animal (and fish) as I also prefer animal protein (but includes plenty of veg etc). Recommend Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols. YTA. Try harder. It's not like you are the one growing a person inside you. Step up and be a father not a son. Find a comprise that works for you both as that's what family life is.


Jyorashout

YTA. You and your mother sound incredibly controlling and that seems to me like your wife is likely having a terrible pregnancy because of this. She asked you for a bit of support, to eat with her what she is eating. Like you say "it is only 4 months" so why do you have a problem with it? You should try being more supportive and also let her see a doctor as your mother is not a professional and alot of her advice is Wrong.


musical_spork

YTA. Jfc stop treating her like a damn inmate eating prison food. She can eat whatever the fuck she wants.


Opposite-Iron-9584

YTA I am a Certified Nurse MIDWIFE; so please listen up OP. What on earth kind of controlling idiocy is going on here? I am a midwife, so I know a fair bit about the subject of pregnancy and nursing. This diet is not medically safe or properly nutritious for your wife and baby. With the exception of things like deli meats like ham/salami/pate, soft cheeses like brie, and liver which can cause vitamin A toxicity; there is no reason why your wife can't eat anything she wants. Spicy food is not harmful to mother or baby during pregnancy and your wife NEEDS meat for her health. If your wife is vegetarian she needs to be very careful to eat enough protein, perhaps in the form of eggs, beans, lentils, hard cheeses and milk/yoghurt. She also needs to eat a wide variety of fruit and vegetables particularly the dark green vegetables. Your wife should also be taking a special daily pregnancy vitamin to ensure that she is receiving the correct balance of vitamins and minerals needed for her health, and also a restrictive diet during pregnancy can cause your baby to become malnourished which can cause problems with fetal growth and development. It seems like the only reason why your wife is not eating the things that she wants (and needs) to eat, is that she is suffering with nausea and possibly heartburn/acid reflux. Both of these conditions are normal in pregnancy, and are easy to fix safely. The first thing I would advise is to take your wife to a properly trained obstetrician or midwife, and they will be able to advise your wife on some safe medications that she can take during pregnancy to help with these symptoms. Certain antacids such a Tums or Rennie's are perfectly safe, and I lived on them during my pregnancies. One of the most effective natural remedies that I can recommend for her nausea/heartburn is ginger. You should make tea with just hot water and large slices/chunks of skin on ginger. Let the ginger steep in the hot water for at least 5 minutes and once it's cool enough to drink, your wife should drink it. Anything with plenty of ginger will help her, as will curd/junket. These symptoms usually start to gradually go away at about 5 months, but if your wife is still having trouble she must consult a real medical professional such as me (nurse midwife) or a proper medical doctor. You and your mother are super controlling, and the advice you are enforcing on your wife are likely to cause her and baby more harm than good. This really has nothing to do with your mother. Your wife is the mother, not your mother; and if your wife is considered mature enough to be a mother, and will soon be a mother who is responsible for the needs of her baby; I can assure you that she is capable of knowing what's best for both of them during the pregnancy, and afterwards. Let her be a mother. Everyone else needs to step back and give her some respect. On the subject of breastfeeding; as long as your wife doesn't smoke, drink large amounts of alcohol or use drugs she can otherwise eat and drink whatever she wants to whilst breastfeeding. There is plenty of scientific evidence that a woman who eats a wide variety of foods during pregnancy and breastfeeding, passes an advantage to the child both developmentally and the child is more likely to enjoy a wide variety of healthy foods once they are old enough to eat solids. They can literally taste the things that Mum consumes in pregnancy (through the amniotic fluid), and in the breast milk. I also need you to know that not every woman is able to breastfeed, and that's ok too. Modern baby formula is as close to natural breastmilk as it's possible to get, and bottlefed babies show absolutely no negative effects when compared to breastfed babies. Your wife might not be able to make enough milk. In fact, these crazy dietary rules that you are putting on your wife actually make it far more likely that she isn't well enough nourished to produce enough good quality milk. Breastfeeding women also need to eat quite a lot more calories than bottle fed mothers, because breastfeeding is very physically demanding for the mother and she needs plenty of good food, including meat or other nutritionally healthy forms of protein. She should also drink plenty of water. I don't think that you, and your Mommy, are ready to listen to a professional medic like myself; but that's what you should be doing. And if it really comes down to it, and your wife has to continue with a more bland diet; the very least you owe her is to suck it up, and eat the same way with her. Pregnancy is extremely difficult and demanding on a woman's body, and their needs are different now for the health of the baby, and herself. Childbirth can get pretty real! She is going through an awful lot for you, but neither you or your mother respect her enough to get her the proper medical advice that she needs. The idea that you would allow your highly ignorant mother, whose pregnancy and breastfeeding advice is not just wrong, but could have negative impact on the mother and baby. It is also very common for women to suffer with postpartum depression, and I fear that the control being exerted on your wife by you and your Mum will lead her into depression. If you do see any behaviour or mood changes in your wife after the birth, and it persists for more than a couple of weeks, you MUST take your wife to the doctor immediately. It can become a serious problem, and can affect the Mum/baby bonding process. Let your wife be the adult woman she is, and respect her decisions about her own life and parenthood. If you can stop being a controlling asshole, and if your Mum can stay the hell out of all this, your wife will be able to be a great mother. If your Mum can't stop interfering in your wife's life, she is going to cause a whole world of trouble for everyone. Please listen to experts; not idiots!


Moontornado

>My mom said she'll have to eat it for longer than that as eating spicy and non vegetarian food is bad for nursing women. This information is false, you can eat anything while nursing. While a restricted diet is best for your wife she is asking for you to support her by doing the same so she doesn't feel isolated. That might not make sense to you but her hormones are all over the place just show her the support she is asking of you! YTA.


bumblebee0183

YTA. This isn’t your mothers child. Your mother is controlling mother in law and your her enabler. Seriously if your mother wants to control your wife’s pregnancy and post pregnancy life so much then she should get pregnant. Your wife can eat whatever she wants while and after her pregnancy you nor your mother can dictate her on what she wants to consume (unless is drugs and alcohol). Get a life, and ask your mum to as well. You’ve said above that your wife isn’t the surrogate, well it’s time you stop treating her like one! Your mother being a midwife doesn’t mean your wife cannot enjoy her pregnancy or her child. I can already tell that your mother will take over and control your wife’s parenting when the child is born. And honestly you sound like a man with no backbone who’s most likely a mama’s boy, so your clearly not gonna stop her. If you want to have a good relationship with your wife then you better start treating her like a human and less like a baby making machine that only exist to make and raise your child.


awhitehouse

You and your mom are both YTA. 1) pregnant women get to decide what they want to eat and how much -- they need to follow the clues their body gives them as to what the fetus needs at any given moment. 2) you not being willing to eat the same diet that you are forcing on your wife is a selfish move. 3) Your mother doesn't have any say in any of this (see point #1).


OutlandishnessNew259

YTA I have had 2 c-sections and ate spicy food all the way to the end, acid reflux was the only consequence. Also how do you know she can breastfeed? It doesn't always work out as planned. Is this a dr ordered diet?? You seem to have her diet all planned out, even though you have no right to do so.


MissMiserableMimi

YTA - It’s your baby too. You could at least support her by eating the same dinner when you eat together. Also who advised her to eat so miserably, doesn’t sound healthy.


KeyserSwayze

YTA let her eat what she wants to eat.


Time-U-1

I think the nausea is because she’s starving. You and your mother are AHs. And if this diet is something the doctor has her on, you should WANT TO comfort her. And if that means eating the same as her then so be it.


zhuzhupetwhore

YTA Switch to her diet or stop being a controlling a-hole


icantthinkofone35

YTA. I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum during my pregnancy. It was horrific. Had my husband been anything like you or your mom, I would have likely left. Your poor wife.


MauricioCMC

Info: what is the reason of the diet? It was prescribed by a doctor? Her doctor? If she simple does not want food because it makes her threw up, there is no problem if she decided to eat. AFAIK there is no restriction of spicy food for pregnant woman, even junk food can be eaten in small quantities.


Larcztar

YTA Nursing women can have seasoned and spicy food. Your mom is talking nonsense. Why can't she have seasoned food? I get not eating anything spicy but I've never had any type of advice like this from a professional. Only people who don't know what they're talking about.


Vampire_queen94

YTA it's only for a few months and you can't eat with your wife.


57471571C5

YTA. YOUR MOM is strict about her not eating a lot of oil and sweets? It is your and your wife's child, your mom is not the person to demand a certain diet from your wife.