T O P

AITA for not helping a girl fix her car?

AITA for not helping a girl fix her car?

Judgement_Bot_AITA

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nom-d-pixel

YTA. You could have easily helped her, but you left her alone (presumably in the dark) and told her to watch a video to figure out how to do something she might not even have the strength for (not everyone can get lug nuts off). You firmly established that she can't count on you and you will leave her in the lurch when she needs you. No wonder she won't respond to your texts.


Acceptable-Abalone20

She is probably now dating the nice guy who helped her with the car. And it is not OP. I have no idea how to do it (no car), but if i would walk by a helpless person like the gf i would do everything to help her fix it. And if i would just wait with her for someone who can help. It was night and you never now as a woman.


LividConcentrate91

I do know how, but I physically can’t because I can’t ever get the nuts off.


AccousticMotorboat

Pro tip: stand on the lug wrench. Of course this is much safer with another person holding it.


EasilyDistracted6886

Doesn't always work - I tried this once, sheared the head right off the bolt. God, I was pissed!


nerdranger

When tires are changed at shops sometimes you have to tell them not to over tighten the lug nuts. I once bent a tire iron trying to get some over tight nuts off.


Vilnius_Nastavnik

Pro tip to the pro tip: WD-40 rust releaser is a fantastic addition to your factory tire change kit, especially if you live in a place that salts roads in the winter.


TheLyz

Yup. My husband even had to bounce on it a bit because my lug nuts were so stuck.


Mommy-Q

I think that's the meet cute in a Hallmark movie


girl_in_red_costume

And he expects her to keep contact with him after this. How clueless can a person be? YTA


thatphotogurl

He might need to watch a video that shows/explains to him “How not to be a Jackass” 🤷🏻‍♀️


MisunderstoodIdea

Exactly. I know how to change a tire but can't do it myself because of the damn lug nuts. There have been times I have put my full weight on the tire iron then proceeded to jump up and down on it and still couldn't get the lug nuts off.


flowersandpeas

Yep. Never let the tire place use the airgun. I get that it's quick but maannn...


Violet351

When I was a teenager we tried to change my friends tyre. She jumped on it whilst holding on to me and we still couldn’t do it. At the time my dad was a manager at a garage less than a mile away so I called him and he sent someone out who was quite strong and he still used a longer tyre iron


Mardanis

It's leverage more than strength


Violet351

We didn’t really have any. Her tyre iron was short. The one Tiny used was massive


Mardanis

It really sucks the one you tend to get with the car for sure. I wasn't taking a pop at your methods. I'm not a big lad so I know the struggle.


Violet351

The annoying thing was, we were so proud that we knew how to do it. It happened when we had a lesson at the boys school so we felt humiliated when we couldn’t actually do it but we got the head of the rugby team to try to and he couldn’t do it either. That cheered us up immensely. That was when I called for help


Nat1221

Yes...but you TRIED! He didn't even show her.


MisunderstoodIdea

I agree Just a FYI I am a female.


crystallz2000

Same! I know how to do it, I'm just not strong enough to.


ayshasmysha

Last time I changed a tyre I was fully standing on that stupid lug wrench jumping up and down on it. When I finally got the last one out it took ages to take the stupid hubcap off. One foot on the tyre trying to prise it off and I fell backwards when I did. Apart from that it was a breeze. I might be small but I'm not a bloody weakling and that hubcap was STUCK ON. I know how to change a tyre but my 30/40 minute ordeal could have been a lot quicker if there was a guy there. This girl has never done it, in a place she presumably isn't very familiar with and at night. Even if I insisted on changing my own damn tyre I'd want the guy to stand around because I care about my safety.


JurassicPeriodx

That can shear it. Better to use counter torque or go into the shop. And ask them on the torque settings for any tire based maintenance if you don't do it yourself.


chrispy1686

Find a piece of pipe that will fit over the end of your wheel brace (or whatever you call it in your area) to give you more oomph and keep it in the boot. When the boys at the tyre shop do the wheel nuts up with a rattle gun, I have so much trouble undoing them. Alternatively, buy a good length breaker bar and whichever size socket required :-)


Midi58076

I'll probably be downvoted into oblivion for this, but here goes: If you are not able to remove and screw tight the lug nuts to change a tyre you need to find a way to figure it out. One day that may find yourself in a situation where that shit is the difference between life or death. I am a tiny little disabled woman specifically with finger, hands and shoulder problems, which makes my joints dislocate under heavy strain. So it's not like I am this huge stronglift woman holding all women to my extremely high standard of juggling the Dinnie Stones. If you cannot do it with your arms, position the wrench so that you can stand on it and jump. I did this back when I was less than 100 lbs, so if you are a normal-sized adult woman, you definitely are heavy enough to both loosen and tighten the bolts by jumping on the wrench. A wrench with a telescopic handle is also an option to gain leverage on the bastard. Alternatively if you really can't do it there are those emergency spray cans for flat tyres. Which has instructions on the can and works the same way and is about as challenging to operate as a can of hair spray. Reddit talk about weaponizing incompetence in relation to men not pulling their weight in the household chores and saying: "Women weren't born knowing how to wash toilets and clean windows". Well men aren't born knowing how to change a tyre either. It is learned behaviour and we all have to learn it. Driving a car and not being able to fix the the most basic problem that stops you from going where you need to be is dumb. Not only can you get stranded in an area where you can't get reception/help and you could die of exposure, but being a roadside damsel in distress leaves you open to all sorts of problems. It's a safety issue. She wasn't in bum-fuck no-where when OP left her. It doesn't sound like OP knew much better than she did (he too should learn how to it). He had to go to work. She had the tools. She had reception. And I checked, there are specific videos on YouTube where the tips&tricks of how to change a tyre when you are a small&weak woman are laid out. But I guess it is like my old granny says: It is incredible what you're not able to do if you're not willing to try.


Merunit

This is not about knowing how to change the tire, this is about how much effort your boyfriend is willing to show you, how much he cares about you. There are strangers who would act better than OP and wouldn’t leave you alone until the problem is fixed - some people are just genuinely kind. Once I locked myself out of my car at midnight (battery died in the keys) and a girl I barely knew from my dance school accompanied me to various open convenience stores until we managed to find a replacement AND screwdrivers and she stayed with me until about 1am, until the car was unlocked. OP would just say “hey try the shop around the corner, maybe they have a battery. See ya!”


ApprehensiveHalf8613

I’m a big woman but when I see a girl that looks like she needs help with her car I always stop and ask them to make sure they’re safe /needs help.


psycheko

>There are strangers who would act better than OP and wouldn’t leave you alone until the problem is fixed - some people are just genuinely kind. My mom was dropping me off at school back when I was in college and she accidentally drove over the curb, popping her tire. These guys came out and were in disbelief that her tire popped. One of the guys asked if she had a spare, she did. He offered to replace it for her and he did it in less than 10 minutes. Really, really nice guy. Didn't know him or anything, but decided to help out anyway.


Picaboo13

Ya know an old school key is often hidden in the key fob and there is a plastic cover for a key hole on the door handle. It is in case the battery dies in the car or the fob. It really is something that should be shown when buying a car though since it could mean life or death for someone depending on the situation. Source: i had a 2014 VW GTI that I had to do this with one winter.


Merunit

My car has a key with no real key - it’s electronic, it works by proximity


nom-d-pixel

FYI, there is a physical key inside the fob if you ever need it.


IAMA_Shark__AMA

Both times I've gotten flat tires in awful areas (meaning no nearby help and poor cell service) I was ready to give things a go and try to sort out changing the tire myself. Both times people stopped within minutes to help.


Merunit

There are a number of Redditors here, including girls, who would drive past you in wilderness thinking: “You should know how to do it yourself, stupid”. Nice people))


Affectionate_Data936

I one time got in an accident on a florida highway, trying to avoid running over a possibly dead body, and a male stranger pulled over to help then a female stranger pulled over to help and make sure the male stranger didn't try anything funny. She stayed with me until my roommate came and got me.


plentity

What a long ass way to say that you are a pick me. No, you should not change a tire if you have no idea how to and nobody that knows how to do it showed you before. It’s unsafe and potentially dangerous to others. He wasn’t born knowing how to change a tire LOL he said he knew how to, told her to google it and then left her alone.


Mercator1234

You're not wrong, but road services exist for a reason. I pay €60 a year for the service, and as a able-bodied male of almost 2 meter and 100 kg, that means I don't have to jump up and down on a just not big enough wrench, but someone with proper tools gets to my location within the hour to change the tire for me. Could I change the tire myself? Probably, yes. Do I want to do so? Hell no. Do I expect others to do this themselves? Nope, but I expect them to have a plan. The young lady in question should have had some backup plan for car failure. Call her parents, older brother, other friend to pick her up. She should not rely on the date-of-the-week for this, but it's the 21st century, she doesn't have to change the tire herself either.


Scale-Slow

How do you think her and her car eventually disappeared? She must have had a back up plan and someone else came and helped her. Or maybe some kind neighbour came out to lend a hand when they saw she was left on her own and struggling. Point is, she most likely had a back up plan but is understandably hurt at being left alone by the person she was actually with at the time after driving him home. I wouldn't expect her to contact him again, I wouldn't trust him either not to leave me when in a bind.


Creative-Training175

Left alone at his house! He got himself home and ditched her, that’s actually worse now that I think of it. He could have put enough air in tbe tires to get it to a shop or her home…but no. He got her to the most convenience place for HIM.


Scale-Slow

I know, and he said he was just about to leave for work too so did he just leave her standing alone at the side of the road as he drove off in his car or something?? I hope he at least had to get the bus so she didn't have to watch him drive away and leave her...


Mercator1234

I was replying to Midi58076, who thinks everyone should know how to change a tire, which is ridiculous. OP sure is the asshole here, and should have helped his date a lot more if he wanted to keep her.


Scale-Slow

Ah I misunderstood your comment, my apologies! I thought you were berating her for not having a backup plan and calling her dad or someone rather than hoping the person standing beside her would help. It makes a lot more sense when I read it back!


Idejbfp

She's not still sat on the roadside so she found a back up plan eventually... The point is that abandoning someone to a stressful and difficult situation is shitty... OP wasn't being paged to conduct brain surgery or anything particularly urgent, he just wanted an early night. Gender doesn't matter, relationship doesn't matter... I wouldn't just walk off and leave someone I knew in any way in that situation, if I saw a stranger I'd probably check if they wanted help before I left.


DarkBookademia

Okay but in this situation... not because he is a man, but just because he knew how to and could... dont you think it would be the nice thing to do to help someone who doesnt know and is alone at night? Washing dishes is a bit easier to pick up than changing a tyre


minahmyu

And if people are complaining how hard it is to take out the lug nuts, imagine how much of a crappy job they'll do putting them back in. I personally have chronic pain, so I know I wouldn't do a secure job even if I knew how. Got roadside assistance and a cellphone if I need to call my brother just in case.


DarkBookademia

Exactly. He couldve just helped her find a number to call, ANYTHING other than ‘watch a video and do it yourself’


bobdown33

I gotta say I wouldn't date a bloke who would leave me with a flat at night.


Post_Nuclear_Messiah

Top tip: carry a sturdy length of pipe or scaffold with your tyre change kit. You can slip it over the handle end of the tyre iron and use the additional length to apply extra leverage to loosen the nuts.


pxchip

That’s exactly how my dad taught me to change the tires on my scirocco 30 years ago.


Fluid-Definition796

I had a scirocco too! My dad made me rotate my own tires on my car. I know how to change a flat! Lol


JurassicPeriodx

Smart


jackalope78

I agree with you, women should know how to do this kind of stuff. HOWEVER, she didn't. AND when you've been dating a guy for a couple of weeks and your tire goes flat after a date and it's dark, the non-assholeish thing for him to do is at least SIT with you while you change the tire. Because again, it's dark out. This guy just left her alone when she had no clue what to do. He didn't even offer to sit with her while she called a tow, or mechanic to come out and do it for her.


ayshasmysha

I'm a woman and I think everyone should learn basic upkeep. Changing a tyre is one of them. Even at 120lbs I need to jump up and down on the lug wrench. The question posed here that she should be competent enough. The question is if this guy should have stayed to help or not. If you were stranded somewhere unknown to you at night and your companion, regardless of gender, ditched you then it's an asshole move. Even if gender wasn't in the equation it's an AH move. It's better to learn how to do something through demonstration. My father taught me as a teenager how to do it. It would have actually been better for her in the long run if he had shown her so she would be wiser for it.


Molicious26

Agreed. I'm a woman. I can change a flat. I also have AAA. I once had a flat leaving an evening doctor's appointment in the dead of winter. This office was in a big office park that was now pretty much empty with the exception of me. Tried changing it myself because I knew AAA would take a while during rush hour. Couldn't get the lug nuts off to save my life. Called AAA. 3 hour wait. 3 hour wait in a large, dark and empty office park alone. Called my boyfriend to see what to do. He came to fix the flat. But, turns out, the lug nuts had gotten rusty and he couldn't get them off. He didn't just leave me there to wait alone. He left real quick to grab us some hot beverages to help keep warm but then sat with me until AAA was finally able to get there. That's why he's my husband now.


Megandapanda

Maybe I'm ignorant, but I don't really think there are many situations in which one would die if they couldn't change their own tire.


becsie89

YTA. It’s not about changing the tire. It’s about being a support system when she felt vulnerable. Sometimes the best way to support someone is by just being there for them. Think of it this way, if she broke her hand, would you go to the hospital to make sure she was ok or say well I’m not a doctor and walk away?


mademoiselle___

you also left a young woman alone on the street at night. being a guy you might not understand how terrifying that is, but that’s horrible.


Few_Cup3452

That's true. I can change a tyre but once I couldn't get the tyre loose enough to change so I had to go ask my flatmates. Only 1 guy was strong enough to do it, 2 others girls and 3 guys tried and failed.


mzpljc

Info: what were you doing while she watched the video? A video explaining how to change a tire would be long enough that in that time, you probably could have changed it. Edit: since you won't answer my question I'm going with YTA, since you were probably browsing reddit instead of just helping her change the tire, or calling her an Uber, or calling to work to say you have to change a flat tire.


nom-d-pixel

Good catch. He is trying to blame needing to get to work when the real issue is that he had no idea what to do and decided to just dump it on her.


passthechile

Fold in the cheese…


jennybens821

David, I cannot show you everything.


Fullondoublerainbow

Can you show me one thing?


groovydoll

You just fold it in


ImFinePleaseThanks

YOU FOLD IT IN!


HayleyMorgan0103

If you say 'fold' one more time, I swear to God. . .


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afuckingpear

Schitt’s creek


Frijgh

I read this in her voice!


appleandwatermelonn

He was already home and she’d given him a ride instead of him having to walk back, it’s not like taking 10 minutes (that she probably saved him with the ride) to help her before he left would throw off his whole schedule.


InfinMD

Also as an aside, "Have to leave immediately" is almost (*almost*) always an excuse. If you plan so poorly that you literally cannot spare 5 minutes in either direction, you are always late anyway for worse reasons. What if you hit a traffic light? If you have to work that shift, why are you planning a dinner date that puts you so behind? Based on your description, i can't imagine the time it took to pump a tire and get to your place put you more than 15-30 minutes behind, so is that how much time you leave yourself? There are few reasons more noble / acceptable by a boss for being late than "my GF had a flat tire in the middle of the night, I had to help her change it". Couldn't even be assed to call triple A or wait for an Uber and tell her you'd fix it and drive it to her place the next day. Did you even let her stay in your apartment, or just leave her on the street. How OP is shocked that she isn't responding to texts is unreal. But i'd like to see OP respond to this thread since response is so important to him.


BonBonShark

Yeah that’s very odd. “I told her to watch a video” “she still didn’t get it” “I had to leave at that point for work” Maybe he was getting ready for work? But yeah it seriously takes a few minutes (max!) to get lug nuts off. At the very least he could have done that since there’s a very real possibility she couldn’t physically get them off. I say this as a woman who is 100% capable of changing her own tire, but sometimes the freaking hulk tightened them.


Thyumos

I'm a man, and I struggle. Hulks do not understand that weaker people exist.


penninsulaman713

Yeah people are talking like it takes 2 seconds to do. It definitely took my boyfriend and I over half an hour together the last time we changed a flat.


Thyumos

Most people where I live are lightweight. Jumping on a wrench still requires decent weight to make it budge.


recycledpaper

I can understand saying "oh I gotta go to work or else I'll be late. I'll get it fixed for you, here I'll call an Uber home for you". That's the gentlemanly thing to do if you can't do it. But to just be like "eh figure it out" is definitely asshole move.


Zetdoessomeshit

Not to mention, they went to *his* place…but suddenly he has a night shift at work… Why was he taking her back to his place if he knew he had to go to work soon? I can guess what the answer is and if I’m right it makes OP an even bigger asshole.


Tattycakes

I thought that too, it’s their 5th date now, he’s cockblocking himself to schedule it so close to the start of his shift! I’m guessing if he does nights and she probably works days then they don’t have much free time overlap.


Littleballoffur22

Exactly! OP, keep making your excuses but it’s no mystery why you’re suddenly single. YTA


Ziako24

Sorry YTA here, I’ve helped total strangers with car trouble when you know the answer it’s not that hard. Amazingly, 15 minutes and a call to your job that you were going to be late is all it would have taken to be a decent person. Unless you have a habit of being late most bosses understand that stuff happens. Oh also, you are most likely no longer seeing this girl. You couldn’t even bother to be inconvenienced on her behalf.


OneMikeNation

The fact that OP told her to check YouTube probably means he's more similar to me and have no idea how to change a tire. So 15 min for you literally would have been an hour for me.


Ziako24

His sentence despite lack of punctuation specifically says “I knew how”


OneMikeNation

Actually it specifically says "I knew roughly how" Honestly that one word change the sentence from I know how and I kinda know how. Funny how you missed that


Ziako24

That’s because it wasn’t there a minute ago. It actually had some poor grammar that said “I knew how much” which is why I mentioned poor punctuation. Are you the OP, is that why your so defensive and the grammar changed after I mentioned it? Edit: I guess I should learn to quote next time.


Sweaty_Potential8258

One time when I was 19 I got a flat tire on the highway in the middle of fucking nowhere at night and I didn't have the first clue how to fix it but figured it out. Except my donut was flat. 🙃 luckily, my best friends mom worked dispatch for the state troopers and I called her and she sent a trooper to come help me and also make sure I didn't get abducted and murdered. His ETA was like 30-45 min because I was in BFE. There wasn't a gas station or even an exit ramp for miles. So I was just on the shoulder under a streetlight waiting. I called my boyfriend at the time (who was 2 hours away and also 26 🙃) to sit on the phone with me so I could feel a ~little bit safer while waiting in the dark. He talked to me for like 5 min and then was like "okay well I really want to go play video games and smoke weed, can you call someone else?" And I was like ?? Are you for real? And he was like yeah, I don't want to do this. And hung up. Sadly, I didn't break up with him because I was an idiot, BUT I realized I could never count on him when something I needed was a slight inconvenience to him. Now, I get mad every time I think about this and wish I had told him to fuck off permanently lol. Would have saved me many a headache.


1mamapajama

YTA. First, who goes on a date, then has to IMMEDIATELY LEAVE FOR WORK? Second, if you knew how to do it, why did you ask her to YouTube it? Hopefully she blocked your number.


InterestedTurkey

I used to do that when I was younger and worked night shift. I’m laughing now thinking back on it. Night shift was wild.


Legitimate_Mess_6130

Its almost 7am, time for me to get off work. I should probably take my gf for a date at 7.30 in the morning. Since apparently it would be entirely unreasonable to do it tonight before I go to work...


ninaa1

That's what I was wondering too. And if he was so close to the start of his shift, why did he have her drive him back to his place and then just abandon her there? So he got what he needed (a ride, apparently) but then he didn't have the courtesy to make sure she could get home too?


CM_1

Also they were around his place so instead of saying 'sorry, I need to go to work now, do you wanna wait at my place, we fix it after my shift.' Then show her your place, make sure she's comfy and safe, then head out to work. Instead he left her in the dark alone to fix it. He didn't waste a thought on her situation or feelings. Yeah, if I would be this girl, I'd rather die than seeing this asshole ever again. YTA OP.


1mamapajama

She probably paid for the meal at the restaurant, too. Just a guess!!!


MysticalTurnip

YTA because you let her drive you home when she should have been taking herself to someone who could help


Creative-Training175

Yes! Thank you he let things be convenience for him and left her in a lurch at night I guess at his house. She could have driven home or two the tired store if she’d known he was going to be such a dude.


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Merunit

Haha this is the best take!)


adlittle

We should all aspire to not be that one date that someone recounts with horror for decades after!


PianoShy

I was so ready to downvote lol


crabby_cat_lady

YTA for leaving a woman stranded outside at nite. I get that you had to go to work but this isn't binary. You could have asked a friend to come over, called AAA for her, let her wait in your home, etc. There were many options bt changing the tire yourself or leaving her alone.


snowwhitesludge

Yeah I doubt you're gonna hear back from her. You weren't obligated to stay, of course, but it would have been the nice thing to do and call work to let them know you'll be a little late. Flat tires happen- most folks will understand that. While asshole seems strong you certainly weren't nice to her. YTA.


notamorningperson3

To me its the fact that he accepted a lift home from her and then was like not my problem anymore. If she hadn't dropped him home she may have made it home. He didn't have to help her change her tire, but at the very least he could've ordered her an uber or dropped her home on the way to work (if he had a car). I think he becomes the AH when he's surprised that she is no longer answering his texts. OP stop messaging her. You left that girl alone, so continue to do so.


TurnsOutImThatBitch

He also could have told her he didn’t have time to help while they were at the restaurant. Given the choice to try to change a tire alone in a dark parking lot or in front of an open restaurant, I’m certain she would have rather stayed where people were already looking out for her.


PM-Me-ur-Self-Esteem

And where people would have actually helped her...


Simple-life62

YTA. Getting a flat tire is the easiest reason for calling your work and saying you’d be late. By the time she watched the video, you could’ve changed it. Im glad she isn’t responding to you.


VV1789

EXACTLYYYYYY


thankuhexed

Wait, really? Yes of course YTA, you left your lady friend alone, at night, with an non drivable car? And you don’t see how that could make you TA???????


KiSpacePanda

OP: Abandons a girl in the dark with flat tire, only giving her a YouTube video Girl: doesn’t respond to his texts OP: {shocked pikachu}


snarkyshark83

YTA Not for not sticking around to change the tire but for not checking in with her when you got to work to make sure she got home. I get that you had to go to work but it was kinda bad planning to go on a date when you had work that night, any number of things could have made you late. My dad has 3 daughters and all of us had to show that we could change a tire and give the car an oil change before we were allowed to get our driver's license, it's a necessary skill to have if you're going to drive. However, my 4 foot 9 inch younger sister had a much more difficult time doing it and I can imagine that it would be a much harder task wearing date clothes.


ninaa1

oh, shit, I didn't even think about the fact that she was dressed for a date.


Lazy-haunt

I can change my tire but put me in date clothing and it’s going to be a real struggle. I think I’m most shocked he is surprised she won’t text back though.


1mamapajama

She probably paid for dinner, too.


Cameron783

YTA. Discount tire broke one of my lug nuts just getting it off because it was so tight. No women should ever be left in the dark by herself. What if something were to happen to her? You know he’d be the first to blame all because he had to “get to work on time”? Would y’all still be saying he’s NTA? I think not. Thank the Lord for Southern Gentlemen.


Ok_Goosers

I drive around with a full on breaker bar and although it helps - sometimes I have trouble changing a tire. And most people don’t drag those around.


psswrdistaco

YTA for lying to her and for lying to us. it’s clear you don’t actually know how to change a tire and you’re too proud to admit it. “I know roughly how to do it so I told her to check YouTube” is code for “I DONT know how to do it so I told her to check YouTube.” But by lying you look like an AH who won’t help, which is much worse than an AH who admits he doesn’t know and still tries to help. Maybe check YouTube for how to keep the next girl?


theyoungmartyr

YTA. Needless to say she dodged a bullet and you probably won’t be hearing from her.


sunmoonbabe

NAH But you certainly showed her clearly where your priorities lie. Not that you shouldn't value your livelihood, but you don't value her wellbeing very highly at all, so you can't be surprised that she's blowing you off now. I wouldn't ever be anyone's spare-time girlfriend. If you were rushing right to work after a date, I mean . . . I would feel like "gee, thanks for squeezing time with me in at all, I feel so honored" Does that make sense? Point is, if you valued a relationship with her you would have helped. Now you both know where you stand.


VintageBean

This is probably the best take.


queenjaysquared

Lol wow you didn’t even let her inside to call an Uber, or call work and say you were gonna be a little late.. I mean even if you did exactly what you did, how could you possibly think any girl would want you after that? YTA, if that’s not clear.


Express-External

YTA I literally had a coworker change his tire during our ten minute break. You could have called your boss and told him you’d be a little late. I would stop talking to someone who left me alone at night with no transportation.


Gladysseesall

YTA for leaving her: 1. Alone 2. In the Dark 3. Somewhere she’s not familiar with 4. With an inoperable car 5. With no help in options besides “YouTubing It” 6. Did I mention, ALONE IN THE DARK?? You are completely lacking in chivalry and manners. SHAME!


crabby_cat_lady

I dont even think it's chivalry. It's a common courtesy to extend to any gender. Basic decency = do not leave someone stranded without transportation in the dark.


[deleted]

NAH not asshole behaviour to not help her change a tire but personally I won’t date a guy who did this. Sometimes when it’s relationships people are looking for more than the bare amount of effort.


LizCat_HotMess

I agree. He didn't have to change the tire but he could have put a little more effort into helping her find a solution. He shouldn't have left her in an unfamiliar place all by herself.


blaxative

How is it not an asshole move to have the knowledge and ability to help someone stranded at night and instead of helping tell them to ‘I dunno YouTube it or something, I gotta go.’ Helping them change a tire would be max 20-30 minutes extra vs making them take way longer to learn and troubleshoot a new task by themselves in the dark.


FjortoftsAirplane

Must've been cutting it pretty fine for work if you couldn't spend five minutes changing a tire. But if I take your word you really didnt have time and really couldnt be a few minutes late then your job takes precedence over four dates. NTA for that but I'm not surprised she hasn't texted back.


Fair_Competition_379

Pretty sure you have no clue how to change a tire and didn’t wanna look all emasculated in front of her.


Ask_Angi

YTA. I know how to change a tire myself but my dad usually has to help me with the lug nuts or carrying the tire itself. You knew how to and you left outside in the dark. You’ve proven yourself unreliable. My boyfriend would never leave me alone in that situation especially at a house I’m not particularly familiar with. I doubt she’d even be able to go inside if something happened since you hadn’t known her super long


AnywhereOk5502

Real Man: "It's a little late, let me drive you home tonight. I'll fix this tomorrow, then come pick you up and we can go out again" You: "Yeah I mean why don't you just look on YouTube and stuff cause I gotta go" Props to that woman for ditching your ass like you ditched hers. YTA


rubiiiina

YTA. I’m a smaller gal and had a guy friend helping me with my car today. He had a hard time getting the lug nuts off and when he put them back on made sure they were tight but that I would be able to get them off (likely by using ALL of my body weight and hoping for the best). Most shops put them back on with a gun that makes them sometimes near impossible to get off manually. I know how to change a tire but it wouldn’t be easy on my own. She likely was assisted by a stranger or had to wait until someone could come and assist her. You acted like a selfish prick, left her and her vehicle stranded. Why would she want anything to do with you?


Eotheod0092

YTA. Sorry dude. You left someone stranded. She's lucky though. She found out in only 5 dates that you're useless in a crisis and now she has ghosted you.


Jessamychelle

It would have been nice if you’d helped her, understandable if you had to get to work. But I highly doubt you will hear back from her. I’m a girl that’s pretty handy. I was taught how to fix things around the house & my dad taught me a few things about cars. My SO doesn’t know how to do any of that & I’m not going to lie I find it extremely annoying, but he does try. I think even if you didn’t have time telling her to watch a YouTube is probably what might have made her ghost you.


busyWasteOfTime

YTA, you can't honestly be surprised. Picking going to work instead of helping is shitty, but not what made you the asshole. What makes you the asshole is believing that she could be an asshole for reasonably ignoring you.


Sad_Gold7305

Actually, both of you should have changed the tire together. Goes faster with a partner.


Nomanodyssey

YTA. Not for not being able to do it. But for sending “many unanswered texts” when it’s obvious that that situation was a dealbreaker to her. Weird how you like her so much you send her a bunch of texts while she ignores you but refused to miss any work or attempt to adjust your schedule for her.


OldMamaSpeaks

He sent more texts looking for another date than he did checking to see if she was safe after he left.


Parking_Injury_3570

YTA. Bc you should never leave someone on the side of the road. But If you drive, you should know how to change your own tire.


SnooApples1028

You suck


Thyumos

> I knew roughly how to do it so I told her to check YouTube for instructions since the tools were already in her trunk. If you knew, then why didn't you tell her how to? > She watched the video and still said she had do idea how to do it and asked me to do it. I work night shifts and had to leave immediately at that point and told her I didn’t have enough time and neither one of us had AMA. You could have changed it in the time it took her to watch it instead of demonstrating to her that you are unreliable. > I had to leave at that point and she said she would try but seemed pissed and when I came back both the her and the car are gone but now it’s been 2 days and many unanswered texts. Why would she answer your texts after you refused to be helpful or caring in any capacity. You made excuses to be lazy, and you have the gall to wonder why you're not getting replies from her? It's painfully obvious.


MrsGruusahm

YTA for leaving a woman alone outside your home at night, are you actually surprised she wants nothing to do with you now??


Comprehensive_Area42

Yes your the asshole you could of done it and shown her make it a teaching moment. Instead of having her watch a YouTube video. She's done time to move on.


EvieE1002

You left her alone at night with a disabled vehicle. Yes, YTA


My_Opinions_Are_Good

INFO: What’s AMA?


ninaa1

I was laughing to myself about this, thinking that OP's ideal solution would've been to access a reddit account where they could find an AMA and ask that person "how do I change a tire?"


Plus100power

Bro, YTA. Learn how to change a tire. This is why I host a dad's day for my sons and their friends, they invite other friends over, and I teach them basic life stuff like this. Edit: I make my daughter sit in these classes as well, just in case someone leaves them stranded, such as exhibit A.


dce42

Yta, you could have looked it up, and changed the tire instead of washing your hands of it. Odds are she could have dropped you off at work, so you wouldn't have been late. It's not like it's rocket science.


ashpokechu

YTA. two days and no call? Go figure. I'm glad for her, she dodged a bullet.


gemmatkd

YTA


tirali11

Well, understandable if you had to go to work directly after a date. But she's dating the guy now who did help her.


Lady_Lion_DA

I understand that you had to go to work, but I feel most places will understand if you are late because you are helping your date change her tire. leaving her in the lurch wasn't a good move. Many people are mentioning issues getting lug nuts off. My personal biggest fear in changing my own tire is not being able to jack the car up enough. I haven't tried to jack a car since I was about 12 with my dad watching, so I may be able to do it now, but I would want help. Also, I've watched my husband literally jump on the wrench/tool arm trying to remove lug nuts. He's 6'3", and much stronger than I am.


Intelligent-Meet2417

YTA Dude, she was in your place, atleast you should give her your room's key to her for wait. You have to assure that she's safe. Instead you ran away cold. Anyway, why should a woman date a guy like you who can't even change a tyre?


Chaos_Depression

She gave you a ride home and you couldn't call your boss to explain the situation? Instead you left her stranded. I'm all for everyone learning to change a tire. But, as a woman, sometimes lug nuts can be a bitch to get off and some extra force is needed. YTA


AsleepHand5321

I guess NAH but there is a 0% you are gonna hear from her.


ashpokechu

LOL Dude used throwaway account cause he knew he's an asshole and didn't want to get downvotes


baby_darko

YTA. I'm a girl and I know more car stuff than most men do, but I was lucky to be taught at a young age to change a tire. You definitely could've taken to 15/20min to change a tire. You just didn't want to and were lazy. I helped two kids change their tire at 1am when I got off work and was exhausted from working 17 hours. (I had an impact in my car) but it took me 10 minutes of my time and showing them how to do it, I went home 10 mins later than normal and still tired, but that extra 10min didn't impact my schedule or life any at all and I felt better helping someone in need. You're a dick, and I don't blame her for ghosting you after that stunt.


PhilFisterbutt

she fucked a mechanic that night & im happy for her


voidgirl_cate

YTA - I'm biased though my father taught me to never leave a friend alone at night, and to always have roadside assistance sooo I don't blame her


ejmci

YTA - the fact you think you can just text her the next day like nothing happened!


zrivkah9

I wouldn't call you again. My boyfriend drove 25 miles when I got a flat and had road side ON THE WAY just to make sure I was okay while I waited. Be a man like that, and you'll get a woman who does the same for you.


Chippewa65

Wow YTA for sho !!!! You need to turn in your man card, OH I forgot they don't give those out any longer. These f#@$ing wimps these days. yes chivalry is dead.


abstract_pig

Lol yeah YTA, why would you even drive the car back to your place if her tire was messed up, you should’ve had the car go back to hers. You showed you’re not reliable and left her out in the dark alone to fix her tire. I’m honestly surprised that you seem surprised that she isn’t answering you. Take this as a lesson and move on cause there’s no way she is going to forgive you lol


ConcupescentCupid

YTA .. you wanted to continue to pursue dating this girl and had an opportunity to be a knight and acted like a dick… it’s not like she was imposing some massively onerous task on you, she needed help.


Few_Wasabi_8937

YTA, whatever time it took to watch the video, you could have already started on the task…


goldenbellaboo

If you liked her… why did you do that? Makes no sense. Why would she want to date someone who won’t help her like that late at night?


GirlFromWonderland_

YTA why would you expect to hear from her again? Seriously you're such a jackass, you should just tell her to go home when they fixed the tire in the restaurant. But instead you just get her to drive you home, stand around when she watches a YouTube video on how to change a tire, and then leave her alone in the dark, after all that (all of them ahole moves) you don't even check if she's OK. You literally had time to change the tire while she was watching the video, you should just get her to help you instead. You showed her that her safety don't matter and if something doesn't go your way you just leave her alone in the dark. Without even checking in. Also, why would you schedule the date so close to work time? That alone is very weird at best and disrespectful at worst.


Merunit

YTA and good on her for leaving you on the spot after this. You have just stared dating and you are supposedly on your best behaviour trying to impress her. You saying: “Google it or call the repair man” is very impressive /s What a gentleman)))


Post_Nuclear_Messiah

YTA. Enjoy the silent treatment you've earned it. Your unlikely to ever hear from her again.


aretakatera

You let her know a few important things. She's not a priority to you. Her safety doesn't matter to you. You won't be there when she absolutely needs you. It doesn't matter how early in the relationship it is, it doesn't matter how capable she is; those are questions she had and you answered them before she wasted anymore time. -- but pumping up the tire and then having her drop you off while you leave her there tho?? Come on dude, you know YTA 🤦🏼‍♀️


bookshelfie

NAH. But I wouldn’t respond to texts or continue on dates if this was done to me.


VV1789

YTA my dad has showed me how to change a tire i know how but physically I can’t do it you could have easily helped her and didn’t you told her to watch a video. You communicate how much you care about someone thru the time and effort you put towards someone and you literally left her alone with a flat and expect a text back? get a grip I


Jsthere4thmemes

YTA, grow a pair and admit you have no idea how to do it yourself. There’s no shame but you were definitely an asshole


Friendly_curious

Sometimes it's worth it to lose some sleep. Glad she has enough respect for herself to ignore you now. YTA


NastyOfficerFarquad

YTA and now single


dina_NP2020

YTA. If you don’t know how to change a tire, that’s fine. That’s not why you’re an asshole. You’re an asshole because you didn’t offer ANY solution. Did you try to help her change the tire besides “go find a YouTube video”? Did you offer to pay for her Uber/Lyft/taxi home while her car has a flat tire. Easier to fix things during the day, could have tried after your night shift. Did you offer to wait with her while her friend or parent who knows what they’re doing shows up? Just lots of things you could have done besides leaving her high and dry in the middle of the night


MiserableDirections

Yta, you could have scored some serious points with her lmao this guy


Longjumping-Dirt-579

YTA. Did you even check on her after you left to see if she had been able to fix it or find help? You straight up ditched her with no way to get herself home at night. You don't make any mention of checking on her after ditching her but you noticed she and the car are gone, well, what did you expect? Seriously. You are NOT a partner. You are NOT someone that can be counted on in the future. You earned this ghosting. Not because you didn't help her with the tire but because you can't be counted on in an emergency. You didn't make sure she was safe when you left, you didn't check on her while you were gone. If I were her I'd legitimately lose your number after getting myself safely home.


gummybear_99

YTA Dude on date 5 (I think it's getting serious at that point) you can't even make small sacrifices. She literally had a flat tyre nothing too hectic. I understand why she ignored you. She even watched a YouTube video which is effort in my books. She was willing to try. You weren't


ZookeepergameAny5223

YTA "it’s been 2 days and many unanswered texts." ​ Safe to say you two aren't going on a 6th date anytime soon.


Few_Cup3452

YTA. Even if you weren't, you blew it with her. Nobody's fault I guess but I'm of the belief that you shouldn't own a car if you can't change the oil, fix a flat, or jump a battery. And as a girl, strangers have helped me more than you helped the girl you were seeing 😂


vitten23

YTA. So you had a golden opportunity to take things to a next level by showing you're helpful, kind and someone she can count on and you totally blew it... Yeah, no wonder she's gone cold on you.


justpickoneitssimple

Wait, so you had time to tell her to watch a YouTube video, time for her to watch the video and time to talk about it but couldn't have just done it in the first place? It's not even a damsel in distress thing, the fact is you knew how to do something, you could've helped but you chose not to. Plus tires can be pretty heavy, even if she could do it herself, if you worked together it would've been quicker and easier. YTA.


kheltar

Yta, that's what, 15 minutes help? No wonder you're oblivious on why you didn't get that next date. Moron.


That_Smoke2861

YTA. Even if you dont know how to fix a tire you dont leave someone alone when they cant drive their car away in your own neighbourhood after THEY DROPPED YOU OFF. That is just crazy levels of ignorant, esp since Im assuming it would have been dark at that point


hihi_meme

YTA I wouldn’t answer you either. This isn’t about tires at all, it is about you leaving her alone to figure things out. You could have: A) Leave that car here since its my place. I have to go to work but we will figure it out tomorrow. Can you uber home? B) Can you call someone else, I’ll wait with you as long as I can. C) Lets call a professional. I wouldn’t leave someone handle that situation alone, even if my date was a guy and I’m a girl. She shouldn’t count on a guy she’s barely seeing and whatnot but that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be nice of you to help. I would treat stranger better than this, let alone someone I’m dating.


van101010

Well you’re definitely not getting another date with her


sheTeddy

YTA takes 10 mins to change a tire. If you were a few mins late just say you had to change a tire. but kinda ESH. If you drive you need to know how to change a tire, not always going to get a flat in a convient spot to call for roadside assistance or have membership or time to wait. First thing I learnt to do with my first car.


Compassion-1st

Yta. Unless you’re work requires you to not help people with flat tires, especially someone you’re dating.


thelittlestlibrarian

YTA for planning a date so close to your shift that 15 minutes would fuck you up at work or (as I suspect to actually be the case) lying about work to avoid some perceived emasculation. Should you have changed the tire? No. It sounds like you probably both knew an equivalent amount of *nothing* as related to cars. But don't expect her to call if only because you're bare minimum a shit friend and clearly not fit for partnership since you ditched helping someone in need (even as support) for no good reason.   **Both of you need to learn at least the most basic car maintenance ffs.**


labicheenrose

Bye, I helped a guy when I was in college on my way to a show. He was stuck in the auditorium parking lot, so I changed his tire and made my way in. It look like 15 minutes, and I barely missed any of the show. YTA— it’s scary being stranded.


Princess-Pancake-97

So, after going on 5 dates together and her wasting the last of the air in her tyre driving you home, you left her alone, on the side of the road, at night (and most likely in heels and a dress) to change a tyre, by herself, when it would have taken you only 5 mins to help her. Wow. Of course YTA! No wonder she isn’t texting you back, you don’t deserve her.


thelilpessimist

so glad she’s ghosting you now. it’s what you deserve 😩🙏🏽 YTA


[deleted]

Yeah dude YTA. You weren't obligated to do that but if you were serious about her then you'd show a little more effort. Women want to feel safe with a guy, they won't find that with someone who bolts at the first sign of inconvenience. Another thing is you were willing to leave her in an unfamiliar environment, at night, by herself just so you wouldn't be late for work. Was calling in and saying you'd be a little late not on the table?


brassninja

Lol YTA - you had her drive you home and then left her stranded to deal with it. Nice move. I had a first date with someone who locked their keys in the car. I barely knew the guy and I still helped him. There are so many other things your could have done: changed her tire and called in that you would be a little late, called her an uber or give her a ride and tell her you would help change the tire after work, called a roadside assistance and waited with her, etc Are you embarrassed about not fully knowing how to change a tire and didn’t want her to see you struggle with it?


GlencoraPalliser

YTA You had to go to work, she had to get a new boyfriend. Actions have consequences.


EasySelf6549

Yta Big time, this is a deal breaker. Hopefully she never talks to you again.


excelkween

YTA. What do you mean “rough idea”? Like you forgot the name of the tools? Didn’t remember which tools to use? I just googled “how to change a tire” and an 8 step list came up in Google preview with step by step instructions. Why not just tell her “I’m not sure how to change a tire! Let’s look it up so we can both learn” and treat it like a learning opportunity. You’re lame and I hope she’s dating someone way better who doesn’t recommend YouTube videos in a time of crisis, being an active hindrance to the situation.


snipergotya

YTA - when I saw the title of this post I was expecting to have something to do with money. The fact it was a flat tyre blew me away. At date 5 you should be making an effort to impress this girl. You failed massively.


VivelaVendetta

YTA any job would take a picture of the flat tire as an excuse to be late.


enkae7317

Lol this guy. Definitely BF material. ​ "go watch a yt video and do it yourself"


Violet351

YTA. The reason I have roadside assistance is that I’m not strong enough to undo the nuts (they are all machine tightened these days). You left her on her and from the sounds of it vulnerable in the dark