T O P

AITA for keeping my word with my grandma and refusing to give her recipe book to my family?

AITA for keeping my word with my grandma and refusing to give her recipe book to my family?

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Yukon-Don

NTA - honor grandmas last wish. If anyone wants something to remember her by take a photocopy of the note and distribute that.


AnnieJack

I love the idea of sharing the note that she wrote saying that her grandson is not to share the recipes. Edit: fixed a mistake I made.


Ronenthelich

Or OP can make a new recipe book same size as the one from grandma, replicate all the recipe names, take pictures of the finished product. But instead of the actual recipes it’s just grandma’s note saying not to loan this out to the family. This is the family copy of the book.


ApprehensiveHalf8613

The pettttineeeeeeeessss. I’m here for it.


kreeves9

On that note if I were OP I'd say 5 items or not a goddmamn thing. NTA.


Sledgehammer925

Pfft. Id say only one item or forget it.


QCr8onQ

Exactly! One item is a lovely gesture.


YinzerChick70

I was shocked OP said five items! I'm at one or none. NTA for honoring GM's wishes.


Normal-Height-8577

I'd remove an item every time someone complained about "only" getting five batches of goodies!


Cardabella

I don't have time to do you a colossal favour, but now you've called me dumb and selfish I totally want to pull magic time out of my arse just for you... /s I'd definitely lose an item every time someone complained but if I was going to be called dumb and selfish for my trouble id make cakes for the kids on the children's cancer ward instead.


alphabetfire

I’d just remove a few ingredients from the list


mariposa2013

Such as sugar, chocolate, perhaps “accidentally” spill in some cayenne…


shit-shit-shit-shit-

“Ohhh, I misread that. It was chocolate, not chitlins”


OldestCrone

This should be the top comment. Your classes come before anything and anyone, especially people who make asinine demands.


NoLiesBowTies

Could do what my grandma used to do and omit 1-3 ingredients so nothing ever tastes right.


AnnieJack

Wasn’t that an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? Marie made substitutions in a recipe she shared with Debra?


NoLiesBowTies

I don’t know I never watched that show but my grandma did it all her adult life so I’m sure she was doing it before that show


Plushinobi

Did we have the same grandma? Mine would either omit things or just change the amounts of ingredients slightly (less leavening agent, for example, so your cake isn't as light and fluffy as hers).


NoLiesBowTies

Maybe, my little Italian grandma had a lot of sass


Celestial_Unicorn_

Mine does this too. I still can't figure out what she changed in her pineapple cake recipe.


rubberchickenlips

"Finely chop a can of Spam and add into the pineapple cake batter..."


Apprehensive-Bee-474

🤮


topsidersandsunshine

Is it upside down cake? Might be the ratios for butter; it makes a big difference.


Celestial_Unicorn_

No, it's like a pineapple and coconut cake. My mom makes some really good pineapple upside-down cake, but I can't have that recipe either lmao


cupcakesarelove

Yes! I thought of that too lol. I can’t remember the recipe Debra wanted but yeah, Marie messed up the recipe before giving it to her so it wouldn’t taste right.


AnnieJack

I think she actually gave her the ingredients, with one of the spices mislabeled. I’m vaguely recalling the recipe was for meatballs? Off to see if Google can help answer this very important question. I was right! https://raymond.fandom.com/wiki/Marie%27s_Meatballs


Orphanbitchrat

But then Debra perfected braciole, and it was ON.


redxstrike

I remember almost nothing from that show with the exception of Marie switching an ingredient on a recipe she gave Debra (or perhaps the ingredient itself). And in some other episode Debra making a "morbid" (as Marie described it) joke about them so hopping in a wood chipper together so they can all fit into the same trash bag when the families argued about burial plots.


botanistbae

I was thinking of this too. Or if they took the assholery even further have the recipe include some super obscure and expensive ingredient that would make it activly taste like shit.


Barbed_Dildo

That's what I do when assholes insist I give them my recipes. Change the quantities, substitute sour cream with fresh cream, baking powder with baking soda, add truffle oil and saffron, leave out vanilla, give a mixing time to deliberately over-mix the ingredients, bake too high for not long enough. There is a range of things you can do to make the recipe come out with something close but ultimately unworkable.


pugapooh

Username scares me. Ideas for recipe sabotage are awesome.


Barbed_Dildo

The trick is to make the result taste *similar*, but the texture is all wrong. So they think they aren't making it properly.


MalumCattus

Capers. In brownies. In pies. In cakes. In chocolate chip cookies.


LingonberryPrior6896

Or beef in trifle ala Rachel in Friends


LingonberryPrior6896

My MIL.does that, or she raises baking temp at degrees.


cheerful_cynic

LOL perfect! OP should wrap it and drop it off


Jeweler-Medical

Include pictures of grandma too so they can really remember her.


skyline0918

Grandma would approve.


kipobaker

Or you could do what my partner's grandma did. She would copy out recipes for anyone who asked, but always left out some crucial but minor step/ingredient so it didn't come out the same. She passed years before I met my partner, and his dad thinks he just finally figured out her anginetti (Italian lemon drop cookie) recipe.


Plushinobi

All of my cousins talk about how they can never quite get grandma's recipes right, but most don't believe she was actively sabotaging them. They also always rave about how my cooking tastes just like hers. Truth is I'm the youngest grandkid by a lot and by the time I was in high school she was having strokes so she let me have more control in the kitchen. I know the recipes are wrong because she used to have me change the amounts of some ingredients compared to the recipe or tell me to add an ingredient that wasn't written down. In her pettiest moods she even admitted it was on purpose.


SandyDelights

Oooof. My grandmothers’ recipes are like this, as are my mother’s, but it’s always just been because they figured “better” ways to make it but never wrote it down. I still text my mother from time to time and I’m like, “This isn’t right because of X” and she’s always like “Oh I always use Y amount of Z ingredient because otherwise it ends up X, sorry I guess I forgot to write that down.” Or, worse, it’s like “Add Y to taste”, **but it’s super critical to the recipe** and my mother is always like “Idk just taste the [batter/mix/whatever] and see if it tastes right” *but how the hell do I know what tastes right, never having made it right to begin with???* Pretty sure it’s all a ploy to just get me to come visit so she can make it right and I can “see”, at this point. 🙄🙄


Imperfect-Magic

This is a level of pettiness I could only dream of attaining. Brilliant!


mcmurrml

She doesn't have to do all that work for them . they didn't appreciate the lady and talked bad about her. They can go get a Betty Crocker book.


Kazubla

Oh my god yes. Or make a perfect copy and cover all the important shit in {Redacted}


FroggyWash

I freaking love this


Unchosen_Heroes

OP isn't a girl.


AnnieJack

OMgosh! I’m such an internet klutz. I’ll fix it.


Intelligent_Sundae_5

NTA. Jumping on the top comment to add that you might want to find a way to protect that recipe book. I can easily see someone going through your things in order to find it.


callmenoodles

Smallish fireproof combination safes are pretty affordable now a days


Ambitious-Diamond388

THIS! Like $60 on amazon. Fire and waterproof is what youll want!


justabiscuit99

My worry is someone just carrying it out of my home to break into when they have more time 😅


callmenoodles

Then they have a bigger problem cause theft of a safe the police take a bit more seriously. I keep all valuable documents and other valuables in there. Who's to say OP wouldn't either.


AddWittyName

Unfortunately a realistic worry. Many of them aren't particularly hard to pick, either--there's some yt channels doing a good job demonstrating that. Bolt-down safe helps, though. Lot more effort to carry that out, and smallish versions of them do exist these days.


B1ustopher

Many of them can be bolted to the floor fairly easily!


The_Bookish_One

Could look up the strongest bike locks and double up on a few of those if it's a safe with handles.


PaddyCow

I guarantee if op ever lends it out she will never get it back.


LingonberryPrior6896

Yes there was another post where SIL stole a special cookbook...


Impressive_Being_167

I'll also jump on the top comment to expand on Intelligent_Sundae_5's comment to say get that book scanned and digitized. There are no doubts family who visit will look for the book and 'borrow' (steal) it. If you have it in a protected digital area that auto backs up, you can put the physical book in a safety deposit box and then family can't 'borrow' it.


I_M_The_Cheese

Even if that weren't a concern (though I agree it is) it's a good idea to keep a backup copy handy. Never know what'll happen.


AdDramatic3058

Oh exactly- good idea! Besides snooping family, I would be concerned in case of flood, fire, or any other type of damage.


OBNurseScarlett

My Granma kept all her recipes in a spiral notebook. Over the years, when we'd be at their house, I'd leave a little note for her saying "OBNurseScarlett wuz here" or "Hi Granma! Love OBNurseScarlett" and I'd put the date. She'd find the notes months later and would always call me when she found one. This started in the early 90's and went well into the 2000's. As she was getting older, she told me I could have her recipe notebook when she no longer needed it. Sadly, Granma fell and never was able to go back to her house to live, then she passed away about a year after she fell. The last holiday we were all there before she fell, I never thought to grab the recipe book. We're not sure what happened to it, but we think she may have accidentally thrown it away (she developed some dementia in her last years) because no one remembers even seeing it when the house was cleaned out. I'd give anything to have that recipe book - even a scanned/digital copy of it - for both the recipes and the little notes from over the years. :(


FairyRogue

This is true. Before digitizing was even an option I lost my Great Grandma's hand written cookbook in a house fire. I know that book by heart but it would be nice to see her beautiful handwriting and little tips/tricks she wrote too.


Rumple100

Photocopy and upload to Dropbox or something similar. That way you don't have to worry about losing a flashdrive/hardrive or the hardware becoming obsolete and unusable.


SHTF-Girl

You can even do this with a phone app. Google photo scan will scan to your drive or photos. Edit: grammar


bookworm1421

NTA op and I agree with ^ this comment! Get it backed up and that book into a safety deposit book...like yesterday!


RawrIhavePi

I'd do this, anyway, just for easier pulling up of recipes on your phone, as well. I keep mine on my google drive and can either write it down or look at it on my phone rather than pulling down books which take up a lot of counter space. Especially if you're working on something more intricate than just a basic round cake or cookies.


VT_Maid

Ask the bakery at your supermarket if they can decorate cakes with photo images. If so, take a photo of the note, save as .jpg file, bring to bakery and order a cake decorated with "Happy Birthday" and the image of the note. NTA


ComunqueS

Ha!! This has the added benefit of amusing the people at the bakery!


bayoublossoms

Best comment I've seen today. Have an upvote my good human!


Western-Radish

Everytime they bring it up reduce the number of dishes they can choose. Let them know of course, but 5 chances for people to back off is more then enough. Obviously, if one of your other cousins gets super into baking too, I would suggest reconsidering a bit on the sharing thing


AdDramatic3058

Yeah, I had a similar thought. Especially, any family members who genuinely enjoyed the grandmother's baking and wasn't one of the members who took her for granted. And the OP wouldn't have to share the entire book, just a few selected recipes. I dont know, just a thought.... seems a little sad to punish the entire family, when there could be other members who would actually cherish them, as well.


usernaym44

This. Also, OP, please realize that they're trying to play you. Your aunt sent you an unreasonable list of things to make specifically to try to get you to turn over the recipe book. If your grandmother took requests, then you can take requests *if you want to*. Otherwise, if your gma just made what she wanted to make, you can too. And even if gma took requests, you can say "I haven't learned how to make that one yet, so I'm going to make X. Take it or leave it." NTA.


shadowofshinra

This is what I thought too, especially with how quickly she jumped to "just give us the book then". Not "could you copy some recipes we can use to help you out?" or "this is what we'd like, let us know what you can make and we'll arrange the rest from elsewhere" And honestly? If the rest of the family are throwing fits over this? Time to remind them that the only reason OP is able to carry on grandma's legacy is because he has the book to replicate the recipes. Maybe they'll be less keen on insisting they need the physical book when they realise that in getting it, they'll lose the gravy train of free baking. (Oh sure, the aunt or other family members will be keen the first time, to show off how they were able to serve grandma's recipes. I doubt they'll be quite so keen when the rest of the family starts piling on the demands for stuff)


crystallz2000

NTA. But stop cooking for everyone. They're clearing taking advantage of you the same way they took advantage of your grandma.


hollowkatt

Also, stash or hide that book somewhere.


Turbulent-Gear8503

Not just the note. Send a pic of the note on the cover of the recipe book


Rosevecheya

Oooooh make a replica book that looks exactly alike but fill every pages with photocopies of the note, and try giving the family that


Brightspt2

If you check my comment history, you'll see that I'm not a fan of secret recipes. Anybody who's interested in something I made, I'm more than happy to tell them the recipe, and any tricks that make it easier or better. That being said, (insert swear words here) these people! How dare they demand bakery items, and then put down the baker! How dare they treat someone that they supposedly love this horrible! NTA, and I wouldn't make anything for these ingrates. I mean, five things is your compromise? I actually love my family and they treat me well, and I max out at two. To ask for so many things that five is considered, by them, as a horrible, lacking compromise means they're just taking advantage. No, I take that back. Make them a box cake. A box sheet cake. Decorate the top to look like Grandma's note. Make it the last thing you bake for any of them.


FleurDeCLE

If I wanted to be a total pettyboots (and in a case like this, I would), I would photocopy it and frame it for everyone to put in their kitchen!


yessri1953

Honor GM’s wishes but feel free to google her requests and send her those recipes.


shadowbunnys

Honestly this is such a good idea.


Lumpy_Intention9823

But don’t feel as though the recipes need to be 100% accurate.


primeirofilho

Add a tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce every recipe.


thatcuriousbichick

I would go even more subtle and just increase the amount of baking powder or bicarbonate of soda in each recipe. Subtle enough to not look like sabotage but effective enough to make everything taste just slightly different


WatsonBaker

That’s evil and I love you for it


I_M_The_Cheese

Ooh I found my people, lol


lotus_eater123

As a high altitude baker, I second how bad using the wrong amount of baking soda can be. The one thing I will take from my burning home (well, after the cat) is my marked up Joy of Cooking cookbook. I would be lost without it.


CatastropheCat

Does altitude affect how much baking soda you have to use?


de_pizan23

Altitude can affect [quite a bit](https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/learn/resources/high-altitude-baking) in baking, from baking time and temp to needing to adjust amounts.


lotus_eater123

Oh yes. And I don't even live that high.


RawrIhavePi

Joy of Baking is how I taught myself to bake. XD But nowadays, all of it can be found online.


lotus_eater123

But the corrections for high altitudes (primarily baking soda and baking powder) are a pain to look up and tweak over and over. In a book, you can just write in the corrections. For some things, print is best. And it lasts a lifetime, unlike apps.


BigBossPanda52

And salt because why not? 🥲


kitty20104

Or add a lot more sugar or salt then usual or switch the two I bet they wouldn't notice until after they made it


lulugingerspice

I'm pretty sure they would realize reversed amounts of salt/sugar, but subtly increasing salt (like to 1tbsp instead of 1/2tsp) and/or decreasing sugar would definitely go unnoticed enough until it tastes just super wrong!


Opposite-Sock

I like where your head's at. Increasing salt would be noticable that it's too much salt and easy to fix in the next batch. But salt is a flavor enhancer and in baking you don't often notice the salt itself, it just helps you taste the other flavors better. Drastically decreasing it to like 1/4 teaspoon might appear normal but would make it taste bland in a "something is missing but I have no idea what" way.


RawrIhavePi

And if you're working with yeast-based recipes but not someone who understands a LOT about it, putting the salt \*right\* after the yeast in the recipe would almost guarantee they'd pour the salt on the yeast and kill it.


modernwunder

This is beautiful


primeirofilho

Damn. That's evil. I like it.


casec80

My great aunt kinda did this, she gave out her recipes before she died but no matter what no one could make it the same. It wasn’t till my cousin was an actual baker did he notice that the recipes were off. Great way to do a little petty revenge


LizCat_HotMess

r/maliciouscompliance


IllustriousPomelo152

NTA. Don't become the family's "on demand" baker or you will end up in the same situation as your grandmother with people demanding stuff they don't appreciate. You can offer but you don't need to take any orders. You can respond to a request with a YES or a NO. Your grandmother gave you the book and orders on how to use it. But once the gift is received, you can do with it what you wish. So if you wish to share it, you can do so if you think that will make for a more harmonious situation.


Comprehensive-Win677

I agree with it being your choice as to whether to bake or not but hope you don't share.


RawrIhavePi

But also, even if family, ALWAYS charge a fee. It can be less than you'd charge a stranger (although, I'd recommend probably not unless you are actually close to them), but by adding fees (and a contract!), you can reduce the likelihood of them taking your work for granted. The fact that the aunt is already demanding several items in a week is proof that they feel entitled to the free labor. You can bet part of the reason she's demanding so much from you, OP, is because she doesn't want to spend to buy from somewhere else. Whether it's from a specialty cook/baker or even a commercialized version from the grocery store. And then she'd probably also demand you charge her Walmart prices for specialty bakery quality. D;


orchestralgenius

Yes! At bare minimum, make them cover the cost of ingredients/supplies. Now that I pay for most of my own ingredients, I don’t take the cost for granted like I did as a kid.


Original_Partt

Well it’s not like they can make it themselves


Shiny_Agumon

**They could.** They just don't want to do the work for it. Which is fine, but then you don't put pressure on someone else to do it instead.


konSempai

They can just buy a cake like any other person ever


Cyber_Divinity

I fully disagree with it being her choice to share the book or not. This isn't some random birthday gift. This is a dying wish of the women who lead the tradition. It would be incredibly disrespectful and dishonorable to share the book with anyone until it's OP's turn to figure out who inherits it next. I don't see sharing as an option at all


ACanadianSnack

NTA. Your grandma was a straight up gangsta. 😂


Zoiey70

A gangsta with some badass brownies 😎


Reenvisage

First, do not share the recipe book. Second, do not bake anything for your cousin’s birthday. You do NOT want to become the designated baker. NTA


moanaw123

5 things to bake is alot! I think 1 is enough....what do they do for you? NTA


Baldwijm

Yeah! My family LOVES to cook and bake. Most of us plan our time off around that to some degree. We might bring a couple of sides or a great dessert or two to a big shindig, but demanding MORE than 5 things? OP is a beast for even doing that. Aunt can take care of her own party and you can attend as a guest (or bring the number of items that you choose of the type you choose).


Nervette

Right!? These days I'm on the hook for both fancy items for Christmas (gingerbread house and buche de noel) and it is exhausting. I used to do the cake and 2 or three types of cookies, but that was also kinda too much. I cannot imagine doing 5 different baked goods!


emuu1

Baking 5 things can also get very expensive very quick.


RedoftheEvilDead

I'll bet that their aunt gave them that ridiculously long list because she knew there was no way they'd say yes and she just wanted that recipe book because she wasn't allowed to have it.


charminOne

NTA. # HIDE THAT BOOK. If they didn't appropriate grandma when she was here, they dont get to benefit from her legacy.. yeah i am petty. plus you shouldn't compromise in you class time to make other happy. And if you share the book that would be the last time you will ever see it.. make a copy/ fake book and leave it where the real book is... that book will go missing aka STOLEN/ if they keep demanding tell them to hire a professional coz you dont have time. Even if you did, all you effort will be under appropriated like grandma's


ifdandelions_then

And turn the book hiding into an epic quest. Ten generations later, there is finally a progeny worthy of the book. They prove it with a nearly flawless performance through difficult and dangerous tasks, a fleeting romance, a deadly enemy. At the end of the challenges, designed by OP before their death, the champion gets the book. They become a famous baker, have baking children, live happily ever after on a sheep farm, maybe near hobbits.


charminOne

i dont think a book in this era will last ten gen...... she needs to choose a worthy successor,


forgetingelephant

Seriously OP, your aunt is being super shady. Keep your book under lock and key! Five items baked from scratch is a lot and I'm curious to know the full list she requested. She probably asked for so much specifically so you would decline thus leading to the simple solution of giving her the book. Your grandma knew your family members better than you do (she raised them). She knew what she was doing when she left you the book and the note. Don't give in!


xxxwaifuxxx_

I agree!! OP hide the book!!!


Nebresto

Yeah, its going to "disappear" one day if the whole family is like this


MabelUniverse

Scan the pages so you have a digital backup (still for your eyes only)


MrCaptainA

if you own, you can build a hidden location for it in the floor or build a fake wall in your closet. If you rent, go offsite storage and secure digital backup. Maybe a decoy book with incorrect recipes as others suggested and simply leave that lying around for them to stumble upon Edit to say NTA. That's what grandma wants, that's what grandma gets. From your description she sounds like she was awesome


SeattleTrashPanda

Scan, save to a secure cloud storage, book goes in to a safe deposit box.


vi0cs

Not only hide it but start making copies and scanning it with a book scanner. Seriously save that thing.


rileygreyy

NTA. Honor your grandma and stay petty, and keep that book hidden (also. It’s not petty at all. They didn’t respect her and she knew it)


rae356

I second this!!! Put it in a safe or an security box that they can’t access!


Fit-Bear

NTA. Your aunt is cheeky for demanding you bake all this stuff. I admire your grandma's level of petty. Honour that. Send your ain't the number of a local bakery 🙂.


No-notnow-nottoday

Exactly. Who needs so much stuff for one birthday party? Maybe it's just an excuse to try to get the book?


evelbug

NTA - you're beginning to see why your grandma had issues with the rest of the family. Stick to your guns. Also, you may want to scan the book just in case *something happens* to it


bearbarebere

This, op. Please be sure to scan it!


ur_mom_cant_get_enuf

NTA. They didn't respect her spending hours baking for them, they're doing the same for you. Your request was reasonable. Keep that book safe and hidden.


SweatyFig3000

You aunt is an AH for saying that. You weren't "being dumb for allowing my grandma to dictate my actions," you were respecting her wishes. Respect seems like a thing your family doesn't understand. I mean, they liked to criticize her food and then ask her for something? What a bunch of AHs! They never deserved her baking in the first place. Also, sending you a massive list? AH move - they know damn well you're in school. They shouldn't have asked for anything, and if you choose to make them something they are incredibly lucky. Although you know if you do they will criticize it, right? They don't deserve your baking either. NTA


gen_angry

NTA - it's your book now and you've chosen to respect her wishes. However, I would not expect this to go away that easily. I mean this with as much respect as I can but your grandma is not here dealing with the fallout of this decision, you are. You seem to have kept a good rapport with your family up until this point. You know your family and how far they're willing to go - are you sure this is something that you want to see through? Even if it 'goes away', I would scan the book or make a copy and keep that (and the original) safe somewhere. I would not rule out it 'disappearing' one day. Good luck. You're NTA either way.


girlbossSteve

NTA Is it petty? Yes, but so am I, and you respecting your grandmas wishes is the least you could do. The audacity of your Aunt to DEMAND you bake all those things for a party I think you should charge them honestly, she can always pay another person for them, baking is a full time job. You have no obligation to share the book, if one day you want to share it that's fine but if for now you want to keep your grams wishes you have the right.


Defan3

Ive read this exact story before. Stop posting it.


carnivorouspixie

Isn't that weird? Earlier this week I read a story on AITA that I was sure I'd read word for word before. But I thought I must have been crazy because no one else said anything. Ah internet, so full of trolls.


MamaUrsus

I definitely have seen at least part of this one before. I wasn’t sure that it was until “was a petty woman” and then was certain that I had read it before because while some of the minor details have been changed that phrase was word for word. I even think I read it in an advice column elsewhere too - asking how to say no to the demand for the birthday bake off. I want to say it was in Dear Prudence a few years ago but I couldn’t find it upon searching.


diskebbin

NTA. Every time you make one of your grandma’s recipes, take a picture of yourself eating it and send it to Auntie Crabbypants.


laughingsbetter

NTA - those are yours now. You are following your grandma's wishes. Have fun with the baking.


BlueBeachedWhale

Nta. I believe the book would be conveniently “lost” once in their possession.


kc1387

NTA your grandma wanted you to be the only one to use that cookbook, so you have every right to do so. I bet your aunt gave you and unreasonable amount of recipes to cook specifically so you could say you can’t do that much, and would share the book with her.


Kelli113

That’s what I thought too


Anonymotron42

NTA. Grandma knew this would happen, which is why her instructions were “baked” in before her passing. Your relatives want to have their cake and eat it too, so they get a “rise” out of you. They “kneaded” help, and expected you to roll over, so good on you for standing firm.


ThisisYImStillSingle

Let you aunt know you're ready for a discussion on respect at any time, and you're curious what her working definition is of the word. But beyond that, you're NTA, they sound super entitled.


antiquity_queen

NTA. also? I love that level of petty.


teresajs

NTA And now that your aunt has behaved this way you shouldn't bake anything.... Not one thing. In fact, you're busy enough that you shouldn't attend the party. Politely message your aunt and tell her you won't be making anything. RSVP your regrets for the party. And then turn off your phone. And just so you're aware:. Your grandmother left you her recipes because you're the only family member who truly appreciated her baking, not because she wanted to turn you into your family's personal (free) baker. From now on, make a boundary that you only take baked goods to events you attend (that you want to attend) and only take one baked good of your choosing.


vampibear

NTA They didn't respect her or appreciate her cooking/baking when she was alive. She knew it and her last wish was to be petty (which I 100% am down for). They sound sketchy to me, would trust 'em as far as I could throw them.


Solrackai

NTA, do as you want. It’s been my experience that most of these super secret family recipes are based in part if not entirely on the recipes on the labels of the various ingredients used to bake these things. Nostalgia makes the memories taste better. My wife has a whole card catalog of her recipes, a lot from her grandma who she, like you, spent her time cooking and baking with. When I pointed out that the recipe for her awesome pecan pie was identical to the recipe on the side of the corn syrup bottle she used, she sushed me.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (18m) grandma was a great baker. She loved to be in the kitchen making an absolutely incredible dessert. One of my earliest childhood memories is helping my grandma decorate some brownies. My family, on the other hand, didn't aprecciate my grandma's baking. They liked to criticize her food, but were quick to demand my grandma bake something specific for them. Out of all of her children and granchildren, I'm the only one who took a liking for baking, so I spent a lot of time with her. My grandma had this massive recipe book, in which she wrote every single recipe she knew (originals and not). She passed away a year ago, and I inherited, among other things, her recipe book. My grandma was also a petty woman, so she left a note for me that said that the book was only for me, and that other family members were prohibited from using it. So I've kept my word. My grandma was the one who baked for the important ocassions, I was the one who took the relay on that. My cousin's birthday is this weekend. My aunt sent me a massive list of all the things that she wants me to bake. Baking all of that would take me all day, and I have university classes this Saturday. So I told my aunt that I was very sorry, but I wouldn't be able to bake all that and assist my classes at the same time. She said that there was no problem, I just needed to give her my grandma's book and the family would gather to help, which was weird, because she knows that the family is "prohibited" from using the recipe book. I told my aunt that, again, I was very sorry, but I wouldn't be able to give her the book. I asked her to please reduce the list to only 5 items (which was the amount my grandma used to bake for birthdays). She said that I was being dumb for allowing my grandma to dictate my actions, and that I was being selfish for not sharing my grandma's recipes with them, since they missed her so much. And now my whole family is mad because I won't share my grandma's book with them. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


1mamapajama

NTA. Hide that book if they ever come over! Your Aunt should know not to insult you when asking for something she wants. That 'dumb' comment from her would have me calling out sick for that family event. No dessert for them!


EeJay96

Them being mad? Yeah. That’s a sign you’re doing the right thing. You’re NTA. It’s your book. It was your grandmothers. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. Not even an explanation. If you do give an explanation, make sure to tell yourself and even others that your explanation is a privilege and you could’ve just said no. Edit: HIDE THAT BOOK!!!!! Bring it with you everywhere if you must. I fear that they will try to come after it since you’re not complying with their demands. I’d even go as far as to have a digital copy in an encrypted file on your phone or computer just for its safety.


t0msk0

Nta as that was your grandmas wishes. Did she put it in her will that she didn't want the recipes to be shared? And also if I were you I would make a copy of it just encase it goes missing one day or gets destroyed by them


ulk

NTA you're honouring your dead grandma's wishes. The internet is full of perfectly fine recipes that they can gather and help with.


Agitated-Principle45

NTA. Please keep the recipe to yourself, as a promise and respect to your grandma. She trusted you, the only one who put efforts to spend time with her. As a hobby baker, I can say that good recipes are sooo valuable, especially grandma recipes. Your counteroffer was more than reasonable, to spend time making 5 things on top of your classes.


DarmokTheNinja

NTA I'm not a big fan of keeping recipes a secret, but your aunt was an AH just expecting you to do all that anyways and she definitely doesn't deserve to get the recipes. Keep it all to yourself!


Remarkable_Whole9517

NTA. It's your recipe book now and you get to decide who uses it. Keep on honoring grandma's memory.


omgyaycats

NTA. First, don’t let your family get used to taking advantage of your baking. Second, you are respecting your grandmas wishes and I commend you for that. Sounds like they never treated her well unless they wanted something, which is probably precisely why grandma didn’t want you to share it with them. What a lovely, priceless gift.


benji950

ESH, yes, including grandma. How many family recipes have been lost through the generations because of petty actions like this? Make a copy of the recipes and distribute them to whomever asks. You can keep the original book but honestly, this is just so petty and childish.


lizzyborden669

I completely agree and couldn't have said it better myself. I also wonder how many of those recipes came from a magazine or the back of a box.


VerbalVeggie

This is a repost…….. for like the 3rd time now….


BekahDski97

NTA. Your aunt is selfish and unreasonable. Keep that book hidden and treasure it


doomkittendesigns

NTA. Your aunt can cough up the money to pay someone to make everything she wants or she can be grateful you're willing to bake anything at all (5 different items is still insane IMO). Stick to your guns and remind them that you're honoring your dead grandmother's wishes.


Only-Strawberry-3450

NTA. Scan the recipes into a secured folder (Dropbox?), keep the book itself under lock and key (safe deposit box?), and tell them people to go commune with Hades.


Maladict33

It's weird how this sub attracts an absolute epidemic of family members who have been bequeathed a precious cookbook that must not fall into the wrong hands....


Rumple100

I inherited my Grandmother's cookbook too, pretty much the same story as OP right down to the petty squabbling and unappreciative extended family. Only problem is Gramma wrote it in invisible ink on the back of the declaration of independence. I think there's only one way for me to keep it out of the pilfering hands of my family...


ageender92

NTA. Your grandma sounds amazing. Keep that y'all's thing, it sounds like a very special relationship y'all had. 💖


90s_sitcom

NTA keep the book somewhere safe and secret where only you can find it


lainmelle

NTA. You're honoring the last wishing of the person who bequeathed it to you. And they didn't appreciate her when she was alive. And on top of that the demands are fishy as hell. Sounds more like a grab for the recipe book since you even offered to make as much as your grandma normally would have.


thefurrywreckingball

NTA. Treasure that book like the gift it truly is. It’s your tangible connection to a woman who clearly loves you. Your aunt knows about the note. It’s entirely up to you what you do with it.


angel2hi

NTA. They had the chance to express their appreciation during your grandma’s life and didn’t. And if you ever bake for them and they criticize you like they did her, refuse to do it again since they obviously don’t like you’re baking.


ForkShirtUp

NTA. I actually have an idea about being petty if they one day force your hand. You could indirectly share the recipes by starting up a cooking blog. Fill it up with paragraphs and paragraphs of how terrible your family is to your grandmother for the world to see before putting up the actual recipe


FutureJakeSantiago

NTA. The audacity your aunt, to just “send over a list”.


byfourness

Eh, I think your grandma is well within her rights to request that something that she made and curated be used how she would like it. It’s a tough situation, but you’re in the right I’d say


Mandy0621

I’ve seen almost an exact story like this on here so not sure if it’s stealing, but NTA


calling_water

NTA, and there’s no way your aunt would be baking all of her long list either, especially since you’re the only one really interested in baking. She’s just trying to make an argument as to why you should give her the book. There are other recipes your aunt could use, if she cared about baking. Baking 5 things is lots; I’m happy just to get a cake!


rjinchico

NTA and your grandma was awesome. Never give in. You and your grandma had a special bond and I’m glad you’re staying strong.


Sydneyfire

NTA. Tell them to hire a psychic and get the recipes from her directly. Jk. I'm glad you're honoring your grandmother's last request to you but be careful your relatives don't perpetuate the abuse on you.


Suckerforcats

NTA. She gifted it to you and it’s now your decision if you want to bake for them or not. I would encourage you to get a small safe to store that book in so it doesn’t get stolen. Maybe even take pictures of all the recipes so you have a back up copy.


LatteandWaffles4Ever

Make sure the book is locked up so they can't grab it if they visit.


SoonShallBe

NTA and HIDE THE BOOK. Unless it is right in front of you, HIDE IT. Otherwise you'll be getting unexpected or long visitors trying to nab it. Almost happened to me. DIGITIZE IT AND HIDE THE ORIGINAL.


d1scworld

NTA Get a fireproof safe and keep the key with you all the time.


tasoula

NAH. I don't believe in gatekeeping recipes and I think it's dumb when people refuse to share them. However, you have the right to refuse so that's why I voted the way I did.


diannebug

Nta i suggest you have the book scanned and make a pdf for yourself to keep on your phone or tablet and put the original in a safety deposit box at the bank. Bc someone is going to eventually try and steal it.


Fraerie

OP - tapping into some comments below - by the sounds of it, your extended family would be petty enough to try and steal or damage the original cookbook. I strongly recommend either photographing or getting the book scanned and keeping a digital copy that you access on a 'day-to-day' basis, especially while living in shared accomodation. Store the original somewhere secure physically and from the elements (damp and fire primarily). On the off chance that something does happen to the original, you will always have the digital backup. And if you do decide at a later date to share ant of the recipes, either with members of the next generation down (if any show an interest in baking) or your own kids and descendants, you can do so while retaining the original book. Personally I think offering to make 5 items while you are also studying/working is overly generous. Your grandmother was presumably not working at the point in her life where she was making 5 items for an event on demand. And just because she made them doesn't obligate you to do so. I'm betting the aunt wasn't offering to pay for the ingredients. Going forward my ground rules would be: * One item with adequate notice at no charge, * Up to five items with adequate notice with them providing the ingredients (you will send them a list and they have to buy EXACTLY what you tell them or accept the consequences of the recipe being not quite right, * More than five items with them providing the ingredients as above but with a minimal labour charge for the time required to prepare the items. Additionally, you have the right to refuse to make any order because you have a life to live and your not obligated to drop everything to bake for them. NTA


Disastrous-Standard3

Pretty sure this is a repost of this post on this sub. YTA for karma farmimg


SephirothAngeal

NTA. So NTA. You don't get to order someone around and have them take their time and money to make you stuff and then treat them like you're doing a favor by eating it. No, they can make their own stuff with their own recipes and leave grandma's stuff alone.


michelecw

NTA. You also may consider hiding the book. Maybe even copying it and putting the original in a safe place outside your home in case someone tries to steal at least they won’t get the original


-InfiniteDifficulty

THIS HIT ME IN MY HEART MAN I NEED UPDATES


WasANewt-GotBetter

Nta! But the shithousery from grandma is spectacular!


Ritehandwingman

NTA, You inherited it with *strict* instructions *not* to share it. You’d be ta if you didn’t honor the dead’s wishes, right? Your grandma used to limit baked items to 5, and suddenly they expect you to make a dozen? If you ask me, this sounds like a ploy to get the book.


MainComposer3645

Your family is abusive and granny got them good. NTA. Let them hire a caterer.


deadmanredditting

Okay so hear me out. NAH. Family matters are always crazy complex, and for some reason even more so when it comes to "family recipes". I'm in a similar boat, I made sure to collect, organize, record, and protect all of my grandmother's recipes. When she passed everyone mourned the loss of her recipes, but no one had thought to try and learn them. People take people for granted because we don't think anyone will die until they do. Then we take it for granted that we are entitled to a piece of them. Your grandmother obviously loved cooking for family, but was aware that she was taken for granted. Your family loved her cooking, but didn't ever think they would have to be the ones doing it. Life sucks. Food is delicious. Good on you for at least taking up the mantle to cook and share the food if not the recipes. Remind your family that your grandmother passed her love of cooking FOR family onto you, not them. It's not about the recipes, it's about sharing food made with love. And if they can't get that, tell em to stuff it like a turkey.


kxz231

First, photo copy every recipe in the book and save it in multiple places (for example, put a copy in the cloud, keep a copy on your computer, have the copies bound into a book titled "Investigations into (whatever your major is)," etc.) Then rent a safety deposit box at the bank and keep the original in it. Or, if you wanted to be petty too, type out a recipe or two with a few changes. One tsp of baking powder and 1/2 tsp salt could become 1 tablespoon of baking powder and 1/4 tsp salt. But that really would be petty.


Harley_Quinn_Lawton

NTA - you are 18. I suggest you go to a bank, get a safety deposit box, and deposit the book in there for safe keeping. Take photos copies of the ones you use the most often and put them in a binder in the back of your closet.


JumpOverGlass

NTA. Hide that shit when family comes over.


KellyBlack1111

YTA ugh. She’s dead. People change and want to remember. You will also die., share that shit.