T O P

AITA for telling my Inlaws exactly where my husband was when I was in labor?

AITA for telling my Inlaws exactly where my husband was when I was in labor?

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think that by what I said I turned my husband's family against him and made him go through so much by being berated and humiliated by them. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AreYouFalconKidding

NTA. Your husband thought a football game was more important than you being in labor. He looked like a neglectful husband and father because he was being neglectful. If he wants people to think better of him then he should change his behavior. Yelling at you shows he’s not sorry and would rather blame you than accept the consequences of his actions.


throwC5673325

Yes, saying I caused a rift really struck a nerve in me since I love my in-laws and treat them as my own family. My mother in law ius a standup woman with a big heart she treats me as a daughter to her and so I thought keeping her in the dark about wjhsat truly happened was not wise. Especially since she always tells me to come to her for help and advice.


TheTaiTaiPartdeux

Nah, do not cover for his bad behaviour, if he doesn't want his mum to be pissed at him for acting like an AH. He should not act like an AH, its that simple really. What he did was totally wrong and it was good that you called him out,maybe he will think twice before behaving this way next time. NTA.


rbollige

I find it weird he thinks that accurately describing his behavior makes him look neglectful, but he doesn’t seem concerned with whether he actually is being neglectful.


Marzipan-Shepherdess

Excellent point! He's more focused on how he appears to others than how he really is as a husband and father. Wonder how his game-watching buddies would've reacted if he'd told them "Oh, by the way, my wife's in labor and wanted me to be with her but hey, I have my priorities and she's not on the list!" I like to think that at least ONE of them would have told him to get his tail to the hospital ASAP and forget the damn game...


beneaththeseracs

This comment needs some serious upvoting.


I_Suggest_Therapy

👍👍


ClothDiaperAddicts

Exactly that. I don’t cover for my husband’s bad behaviour with his parents. If you fuck up, own it. Instead of him being upset because *you* made him look like a bad father, he needs to realize that if he doesn’t want to look like a crappy husband or father, that he should put more effort into actually being a good one.


ISuckCock4DownVotes

I’d have to completely agree. There shouldn’t be any excuse or justification for the husband’s behavior— OP is NTA! (My username is ironic haha)


Karyatids

But he doesn’t care he caused a rift with you with his behavior??


DiTrastevere

Husband cares about keeping his life as comfortable as possible. As long as his shitty behavior is kept inside the marital bubble, he can play the dutiful husband in front of everyone else and maintain a good social reputation. OP burst that bubble. Now news of his shittiness could spread to who knows where, he’s lost control of the narrative. And that’s going to make him a lot more uncomfortable than “normal” marital grievances at home.


FireflySky86

>OP burst that bubble. Now news of his shittiness could spread to who knows where, he’s lost control of the narrative. And that’s going to make him a lot more uncomfortable than “normal” marital grievances at home. What we have here are the consequences to his own actions. OP is NTA and he very much deserved that tongue lashing and she really needs to open her eyes a bit more to his behavior. As you pointed out, he's more concerned about how he looks to his friends and family than his wife. Really doesn't seem like she's high on his list of priorities, or that he has much respect for her.


DiTrastevere

Oh, she’s definitely last on his list of priorities. Dude doesn’t think his wife is people.


Either_Coconut

The easiest way to not be regarded as a craptastic excuse for an adult is to NOT DO craptastic, immature things. Dude has two kids and a wife. He needs to start adulting.


KayaAnine

It’s funny because he could have avoided all of this if he just didn’t lie. He could have owned up and told what happened. But he didn’t because he didn’t care about his actions during and after.


FlushPulp

THIS OP, since before you two went there he already was PLANNING how to save his ass in front of mom. He isn't sorry for what he did, for not being for you at childbirth, for lying about it. He thinks he is right and that's why he is blaiming you. I'm glad MIL is such a good person bc without her i don't even know why you would be still be with him. Have he ever lied to you to save his face? Because by the way he planned that lie i'm mostly sure he did. That way of lying isn't a one time thing, it's a habit.


TheRestForTheWicked

This. NTA and seeing a MIL actually defend her DIL and the mother of her grandchildren for once on this board is so refreshing.


KittyKiitos

Listen, the rift isn't between you and your inlaws. The whole reason your MIL berated your DH is because she LOVES you and cares about you. He is an adult. His mistakes have irrevocable consequences, and one of them is that this is forever the story of his child's birth. The way your sister showed up for you, and the strength you had going through this labor without him, doesn't deserve to be sacrificed to his ego through a lie. The fact that he argued with his mom, instead of accepting the gravity of what he's done, worries me OP. Don't be afraid you'll lose your inlaws if this guy fails you as a partner. Something tells me they'll still have your back.


Jrxibell

And the fact that he lied in the first place and then argued tells me that he’s not actually working to rebuild OP’s trust, he’s just hoping she’ll stop being mad about it.


DelightfulAbsurdity

Astute.


SnipesCC

Remember, you can divorce his sorry ass without losing the in-laws, since it sounds like they would take your side.


Relative_Dimensions

Tell her about him yelling at you too. She’s clearly the only woman he respects so use having her on your side


Competitive-Date1522

More like fears. Dude watched a game instead of his child’s birth. Wtf


Suckerforcats

If you have a third baby, call MIL to take you to the hospital. She‘ll really rip him a new one.


OverDaRambo

Ah, let’s not have 3rd baby. Games and his buddies are far more important than his wife .


lottieslady

And his already existing children. Sad.


Strokedoutbear

I wonder how he found the time to getnher pregnant? Wasn't there a post game show?


arrestedluguer2

It is not necessary to wait until you have another baby. What will happen when an important event occurs at the children's school along with a game? "I'm sorry dear but I can't attend Jimmy's graduation because the cougars are playing today." It's ridiculous but you could even make a sports calendar to know when you won't be able to count on your husband.


[deleted]

HE caused the rift by his actions and by lying. So no, don't take this crap. If he didn't want to look like a major AH and bad father than he shouldn't have acted like one. Stand firm. He screwed up and needs to own it.


cyber_dildonics

> saying I caused a rift really struck a nerve in me since I love my in-laws and treat them as my own family Mmk. Please understand this. He knew staying at the "game" (if that's where he was) was was wrong. That's why he lied to his mother about it, and that's why he expected *you* to lie to your MIL about it on his behalf. **Really think about that.** He fully expected *you* to cover up *his* abominable behavior by lying to a woman you love and respect. **His intention was to make you lie to your MIL.** If you'd lied, would you have felt comfortable around her going forward? Would you have felt guilty? Would you have your loyalties torn? Guessing the answers would be: No. Yes. Yes. Sounds like a rift to me! Therefore: **His intention was to cause a rift between you and your MIL.** He didn't give a second fucking thought about causing a rift between *you* and MIL.. but when faced with the consequences of his own actions (abandoning you and lying) the onus for his own rift is on *you*, is suddenly a terrible, monstrous action, how dare you, are you happy now etc... ##? That is HIGHLY manipulative. Paired with the fact he cares more about *looking* like a neglectful ass than *being* a neglectful ass, red flags are covering my entire field of vision.


FireflySky86

>He didn't give a second fucking thought about causing a rift between you and MIL.. but when faced with the consequences of his own actions (abandoning you and lying) the onus for his own rift is on you and is a terrible, monstrous action and how dare you... ? He also didn't give any thought to causing a rift between him and OP, since he couldn't be bothered to be home leading up to and during giving birth.


KSknitter

You can not ruin a reputation by making it more accurate.


SufficientStorage924

You didn’t do anything. He caused the rift by being a sh*t father and then doubled down by lying. Now he’s trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty. That’s so gross. You have to see that.


anon28374691

Yep she didn’t make him look like a neglectful husband. He did that himself.


tsh87

Seriously. Is he a gambler or something? Because I don't understand why you'd choose watching a football game over driving your pregnant wife to the hospital. That and all the secretiveness are setting off alarm bells for me.


CharlotteLucasOP

Right? What fucking “sports rituals” can’t he do in the family home?


drunkonmartinis

1) talking shit about their wives 2) drinking and/or drugs 3) inviting side chicks over 4) wasting money on gambling Too bad this is OPs second kid with this guy, he's clearly a L O S E R


combatsncupcakes

"Sport fucking" rituals, maybe?


DrunkOnRedCordial

He wouldn't have been the first or last husband to watch a football game on the TV in a delivery room. I agree, there's something dodgy going on at these football games with "rituals" partly because it's a lame excuse to leave a heavily pregnant wife alone, and partly because he's a very confident liar who isn't used to being called out.


QueerWorf

something is happening at those games. rituals? gay sex rituals?


bequietbecky

You mean to say that you and your buddies DON’T have sex before a game??


PerniciousSnitOG

Hookers and blow. It's always hookers and blow,


loudkaleidoscopes

YUP!!


GitGudDandy

NTA. That's a weird way to spell ex-husband OP. > we got home where he went nuts saying I made him look neglectful a bad husband and father by telling the family about where he was The truth hurts.


_Confused_Chicken_

“YOU ARE A BAD HUSBAND AND FATHER!” -what OP should have said


GitGudDandy

Nah, father implies you are a parent. Guy wouldn't even rock up to the birth, where is he going to be when the kid really needs him? Guys a sperm donor. He's definitely a bad husband.


lochnysmonster

“How dare you make me look like something I am!” - OP’s husband


hawaiiorbail

Upset men by telling them what they did


NietszcheIsDead08

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.”


TundraTaurus

This exactly! He's actually mad she exposed his lies. He didn't want people to know to the point of making up a whole fantasy about how good of a father/husband he is, then he knows he was the one who was responsible for that.


Electrical-Date-3951

The funny thing is he cares about the rift that "OP created" with his family, but doesnt seem to care about the rift that he created with his wife by A. Leaving her high and dry during labour to finish watching a game and B. Lying about his actions to make himself seem like a long suffering and dutiful dad during the delivery. What if OP's sister hadn't come to get her.... Would he have just expected her to have the baby alone and at home, or perhaps close her legs and negotiate with the baby to wait for him to come....


Aussiealterego

>**he cares about the rift that "OP created" with his family, but doesnt seem to care about the rift that he created with his wife** This needs more upvotes


GitGudDandy

Makes you wonder what story he’d tell the kid in a few years... That’s going to be a tough one to manage.


Master-Manipulation

Ding-ding-ding! You were a bad father and husband! You decided watching the game with your buddies was more important than your pregnant wife who was trying to push a newborn out of her vagina!


foxscribbles

AND he knew that he needed to lie about it too. That proves he full well knows what he did was wrong. He just thinks OP will lie to cover up what a bad husband and sperm donor he was.


Sippy-Cupp

Wow. Just wow. NTA. Husband is absolutely 100% an AH for 1 *not driving his wife to the hospital when she went into labor* 2 *waiting until the game was over to get to the hospital* 3 *lying about it to his family* This would honestly make me question divorce. This is bad. At the very least, marriage counseling would be a must.


throwC5673325

His argument was that my sister's house was 15 minutes away and thought she'd take me then hell follow.


Sippy-Cupp

Except that's not your sister's baby...it's his, he should have been there for you every step of the way. Edit: and he didn't just follow, he waited for the game to end before "following". That's disgusting behavior for a husband and father.


adventuresinnonsense

He also didn't say to her "your sister's closest, get her to grab you and I'll follow," like a normal human being would when they expected someone else to take you. He just ghosted until she *had* to call her sister.


KataLight

That's the part that gets me the most. Why wouldn't he take action? If he had done that him finishing the game, while still a shitty thing to do, would have been a fuck ton better than acting like he didn't give a shit. Instead he just does nothing but call to make sure he can finish his game. He's fucked up thinking that is acceptable when he should be with her the entire time. The whole thing was about him not his wife who could have even died giving birth if things went south.


hellnospyro

>Edit: and he didn't just follow, he waited for the game to end before "following". My guess is this dude is addicted to sports gambling


Mommyof2plusmore

I just have to add in here, you KNOW he is 1000% lying his ass off to you, and that’s not going to regain your trust, and frankly it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to hard too if he’s lying to your face instead of owning up to it. Ask yourself this, if he “thought she’d take you since she’s closer”, then why didn’t he just say that to begin with? Why did he tell you he was “on his way”, and NOT only NOT show up, he tried to call you MULTIPLE TIMES later on to see if you were “still in labor”???? Wouldn’t you not answering the first time give him a hint? Labor doesn’t just go away. When baby is ready, baby is ready, and you could have very easily delivered at home, alone, and bled out or something been wrong with the baby because you couldn’t call for an ambulance or anything and he couldn’t be bothered to leave his game to make sure you and baby were ok. He is SO SELFISH for his behavior in this entire thing!! He’s only thinking about himself, and what he wants and how he feels. NOT ONE TIME did I hear you say that he is concerned about you and baby and something happening to one of you while he was off on a teenage party night. He thinks “well nothing bad did happen”, but that’s not the point. How would he be reacting right now, had your sister not been home, and you delivered your first baby at home and it was a really bad delivery and one of you, or neither of you made it through the delivery because he couldn’t be bothered to “give up his ritual” with his buddies watching a game?? Sorry forgot to add: EDIT to fix spelling and add another sentence.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DrunkOnRedCordial

Yeah, that's my suspicion too. He was too far away to come straight home. OP should ask some of these football friends whether they were actually with him that night. Keep it subtle and casual so they don't catch on that they should give him an alibi.


golden-mint

I agree. He seems to be out of the house far too much for it to just be “with the boys”


kleenexhotdogs

I mean if the brother in the OP was hosting said football game supposedly he would also be at the supper with the in-laws. Couldn’t he vouch whether OP’s husband was at the game or not


nmrcdl

O.O hadn’t thought of that. That would be terrible! Sounds possible though…


brownishgirl

Ding!ding!ding! We have a winner, lords and ladies!


ijerkal0t

u/throwc5673325 you need to understand how dangerous it could have been. Your husband has some serious choices to make right now and you need to make sure he understands them. u/mommyof2plusmore is putting this exactly how it should be treated. I'm a father of 3 and I was with my wife every second I could be for the two weeks leading up to the birth. We spent days we knew she was ready to go into labor walking through stores, malls, parks to help induce. Never once did it cross my mind to "gO WItH mY boys." I hope you and him can work it out because this is a serious issue that will only escalate into larger issues down the road. Good luck. NTA. 500% NTA.


atlgrrl

American football didn't even have its first game until August 12th. Based on spelling (labor) she sounds American to me, so what was he watching?


Pokemon_132

You understand he's gaslighting you right? >I called him and told him to get home and take me to the hospital he said he was coming but he didn't. . . That isn't telling you to call your sister because she's closer and he'd catch up. That's him agreeing and then not showing up.


TroubledGamestress

Certainly wasn't following if he was 2 hours behind. Did he get lost behind the pony parade?


Inanimate_organism

Tell your MIL he was upset at you for telling her the truth and is trying to spin it as if you are the bad guy.


Throwawaycarstore

If he really thought that he’d have communicated that when you called him. And he wouldn’t have waited until the game was over to meet you at the hospital.


Gab_ri

Exactly and if he really believed that was a valid reason he would not feel the need to tell his family and elaborate lie about what happened.


cyber_dildonics

>His argument was that my sister's house was 15 minutes away and thought she'd take me then hell follow Finish the thought.. "**because of a game**." Interested to know what he does to help out with the kids, specifically. Does he still participate in "rituals" with a newborn in the house?


lyan-cat

He's STILL ARGUING HIS SIDE?! Of course, if he's blaming you for his shenanigans at his mom's place! He is not really sorry for his choices, he's sorry he got caught with his actual priorities on display.


cattodatto69

NTA lying about what he did in public undoes all of the apologizing he did in private. He is not taking full responsibility for his actions.


eldergias

Lying in public about it also proves he knows what he did was shitty. You don't lie about what you did unless you are ashamed of it in some way.


soda_lightful

I would also say that his reaction after getting home from getting that well deserved tongue lashing from his mom shows what he really is apologetic for…and it doesn’t seem that it’s for neglecting his duties as a supportive husband to a wife in active labor.


aristosspetrou

Literally


AtlanticToastConf

Right? None of this would have even happened if he didn’t lie, unprompted, to try to make himself look good!


randomalas

NTA I think I love your MIL.


throwC5673325

Yes, she's a generous lady with a big. God bless her. She always looks out for me and she's like a second mother to me.


SaveBandit91

My MIL is one of the sweetest, calmest people I know but if her son had done that to me, she would have torn him a new asshole.


Redvelvet_dinosaur

Same. My MIL would lose it if my husband wasn’t good to me.


UnicornCackle

Maybe you can get her in the divorce?


Justanothergamerwife

"I'm sorry, but you heard the judge. I'll miss you, but no, you aren't invited to our Thanksgiving."


Perenially_behind

Sounds like my wife's now-deceased MIL. We used to joke that if my wife got fed up with me, she could go home to my mother. Who would then commiserate with her about what a brute I am, and apologize for not having raised me better. Not for lack of trying, of course.


cullymama

Same. She's the opposite of what you normally hear about on Reddit, so refreshing! OP, give your MIL a big hug from me. You are most certainly NTA, and congrats on your baby!


blupurpleyellowred

Can we borrow her to straighten out others when they need some home truths please?!


frannyfranfran5

NTA. I'm in disbelief about his behavior. I can't imagine how upset I'd be if I was in your shoes. I think "outing" him was well warranted, especially once he started blatantly lying. He is a man with zero honor. And he seems to lack a lot of respect for you. You don't deserve to be disregarded that way.


mmm_unprocessed_fish

Shit, I’d have called HER to drive me to the hospital and explain to her the situation right then.


Knitsanity

NTA F THAT S He was not there for you when you needed him and then LIES about it? Does he think your are stupid? What a moron. Bless his heart. Lololol


throwC5673325

Lol. Bless his heart indeed. But seriously this conflict has lepot me upon at night thinking I might've just affected my husband's relationship with his mother specifically. She's can be really unforgiving sometimes.


Knitsanity

Some things are deserving of a public bollocking. That is one.


Fluffy_Professor_350

This is a perfect 👏


UnicornCackle

Does he not realise that he's seriously affected his relationship with his wife? He should be less worried about mummy and more worried about you.


LovenNerdLife

This is what I keep thinking... He's really not showing his wife the love and support that he should be, and he doesn't even care. He just cares about what other people think, and that's so sad to me.


DiTrastevere

I guarantee he’s one of those guys that just sort of expects his wife to be mad at him for something or other most of the time. As long as no one *else* is looking at him with disdain, it’s no big deal to him. Wives are *supposed* to be unhappy.


Starlight_Shadows

If he cared about his wife, he would've driven her to the hospital himself. He may realize he's affected that relationship, but I don't think he cares.


mzpljc

That's entirely on him because his behavior was atrocious. If his apology was sincere, he wouldn't have lied.


PresentationFew2014

I mean, if you forgive him, you can tell her that. But her relationship with him really isn’t your problem. He’s the one who messed up here, not you.


Sorryallthetime

But the crux is. Wife did not cause any rift. Husbands actions caused this rift. This comes up often on this sub. "My actions were horrible and how dare you reveal to others what those actions were". As if it is only wrong to beat my children if you tell the world I do so. How dare you cause a rift in my family by revealing that I beat my kids! Just no. The problem is not that people know that you beat your kids. The problem is that you beat your kids.


NeemaMlozi

The part that really galls me is that he got mad at her for telling the truth about what happened only after HE brought it up himself and totally lied about it, complaining how hard labor was FOR HIM. WTAF?!


Infamous_Pair1391

You didn’t affect his relationship with his mother. His choice to lie about what happened did. If he didn’t want that truth to be told, he shouldn’t have allowed it to be the truth. It’s too late now, it happened.


ComprehensiveBand586

NTA. You said that he's working on regaining your trust, but by lying about his refusal to be there for you, he took a major step back in his attempt to be more trustworthy. Your MIL is awesome though. Your husband got exactly what he deserved.


Temporary-Error-6566

I love the MIL here!


ComprehensiveBand586

Me too. I've read so many posts where the MIL defended the spouse's bad behavior and criticized the OP for getting upset, so it was refreshing to read the opposite of that for once.


HarlesBronson

Nta. He is lucky you aren't divorcing him. I would have. What he did was despicable. His mother is my freaking hero. Good for her for not condoning his behavior and holding him accountable.


calliatom

Exactly. You didn't make him look bad OP, you just refused to let him enhance his reputation. And honestly I'm really worried about how honest he's being about trying to regain your trust when he still expects you to cover for his bad behavior and isn't willing to own having been an asshole.


BlueberryDemi5078

Yeah! For once I'm seeing a MIL or family on here that doesn't go "but we're family and we should forgive each other ***because we're family***". And it's so freaking refreshing to see someone holding the asshole accountable. NTA


Karyatids

I mean. Are you sure he was watching a game? Are you sure he wasn’t with someone else? NTA


Wizard_Bill

Came here to say this. Because neither college football nor the NFL had active games 10 weeks ago. Much less every night.


FrozenMangoSmoothies

yeah hate to break it to you OP but according to the 10 seconds of googling I just did the first game was 4 days ago


perfectlynormaltyes

Yes! What are these "rituals" he and his friends do while watching the game?


WickedCoolUsername

It's complicated.


motherofpuppies123

Yeah, and wasn't his brother supposed to be involved in said rituals? In which case, wouldn't his brother have known what was going on? God only knows who he was actually with and what they were doing.


YOU_WONT_LIKE_IT

Yeah this is what I was thinking too.


finallymakingareddit

THIS.


emmennwhy

NTA and aside from the disrespect and neglect while you were in labor, I'd be extremely worried about what else he's lying about. He felt comfortable lying right to his own mother's face. What has he been lying to you about?


Gab_ri

Yes this is very disturbing. He told a ridiculously detailed lie and it’s probably not the first time he told it. And he had no shame lying in front of OP either. This is really concerning behaviour.


Shtonee

Those "rituals" are what I'm curious about.


CharlotteLucasOP

Right?!!! That tripped me the fuck up because what IS it that’s so bad he can’t possibly do it in the family home, but hides it at his buddies’ house? Animal sacrifice? Meth? Other women? Sports rituals usually don’t get any wilder than some binge drinking and stupid chants.


Few_Cup3452

Gambling and drugs.


MissTheWire

He seems to have spun that story so easily that I am also concerned that he’s lying about football rituals.


PSSalamander

Someone in another comment mentioned it sounds like he has someone on the side. None of this is normal behavior for someone committed to their marriage and family. Why else would he call repeatedly asking if OP was "still in labor," especially when they already have a kid so he should know labor is not a quick thing. He's an inconsiderate asshole at best, but I'd bet he's also a cheater.


xmrschaoticx

This. I have a feeling it’s not football and is maybe another relationship. And I hate when people go oh he’s cheating, but I mean what game is more important than your partner being in labor? What football game takes 2 hours when it sounds like it’s been started already? Really suspect


threedimen

Football games last more than two hours, but I'm trying to figure out what team was playing football in July.


-Lexx-

Also, watching football EVERY night?? Unless they're rewatching old games all the time, they're not watching football


blarffy

I, for one, do not believe he was watching a game. I think the unpacking of lies can start there.


Puzzled_Juice_3406

This right here. If he would lie to his own mother's face in front of his wife after neglecting her in labor, what else is he lying about because it doesn't sound like he loves, respects, or prioritizes his wife from everything written here.


Vaahla

NTA Call your mother in law and tell her what happened when you got home.


throwC5673325

I actually thought about doing that when he lashed out at me repeatedly since he really really is scared of her but I figured this would only escalate things.


knittedjedi

So escalate things. You've got two children who deserve better than someone like this. NTA in the slightest.


papermoonriver

Like the others said, HE escalated this. Don't let him get away with this, please. How dare he emotionally abuse you as a reaction to *his own fuck-up*. He is using fear and abuse tactics to control you here, when he should have been apologizing. Even if you think that he's not otherwise abusive, that's what this is: a psychological abuse tactic. Please, every time he does this, tell her. Or record him and send the file to her. He took the WRONG MESSAGE from getting his ass handed to him by your MIL, and him projecting that contempt onto you is so concerning.


neverthelessidissent

I think she would want to know. He escalated.


seoul-mates

i mean you should escalate things, he has no right to talk to you like that. and she would especially want to know this, it doesn't matter what he thinks.


AStaryuValley

The only reason I don't think you should tell his mother what he did after you got home is because YOU should be the one standing up to him and telling him his behavior is unacceptable. Running to his mother every time he's a dick isn't a solution.


sistertotherain9

Sometimes people need allies.


hotpriest

NTA I’m concerned for you, OP. Your husband’s lies when he was “recalling” your labor weren’t tales about your awesomeness as you struggled through physical pain to build back some goodwill or the miracle of watching life come into the world, he made himself the hero of the lie with his fiction-telling about standing on his feet and going without food and water. It’s all about him. And when he’s shirking his responsibilities and mommy has to ream his ass, you’re in for a whole future of him taking it out on you when you ask him to do the right thing and he doesn’t. Postpartum with a baby, you’re vulnerable. Please let your family and friends know quietly you may need some help. Keep a line of communication open with his mother too. (Edit: spelling and I probably missed some words)


HomelyHobbit

NTA - I have a favorite quote for situations like this: "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” Anne Lamott


xHappyAcidx

Nta. He’s mad because he got caught by mommy being a bad husband. Good on you for calling him out.


Lawnmowerwasher

NTA You did nothing wrong. His mother was right to scold him as she did.


PresentationFew2014

NTA. If he didn’t want to look like a bad husband he shouldn’t have been a bad husband. Go MIL for not taking any shit from him. You’re never too old to be yelled at by mommy if you’re being a dick. I hope she made him sit and face the wall for 20 minutes to think about his actions.


KnotKarma

NTA but your husband is x1000. Not going to the hospital until the game was over? Outright lying about his involvement in taking you to the hospital and waiting? He has serious problems. So do you, if he can easily lie about that, what else is he lying about? If this is a pattern - and you should think about it in retrospect - then you might consider counseling first.


Narrow_Map4950

NTA You have every right to tell your birth story the way it truly happened. He shouldn’t have told such an outrageous lie in the first place. Your husband looks like a shitty husband and father because he prioritised a game over his wife and baby, not because of anything you did. This is all on him.


emr830

NTA. You sure this guy isn't now your soon to be ex husband? He's lucky you let him in the room at after that nonsense.


1962Michael

NTA. Didn't wanna LOOK bad, shouldn't have DONE bad.


reddiapermama

INFO: Where in the world was your four-year-old son while you went into labor and were taken to the hospital by your sister? P.s. Obviously NTA and obviously you desperately need a divorce.


throwC5673325

My brother in-law took him too stay with him since they live close. My husband tried to justify himself by saying since my sister lives near then there was nothing wrong with her driving me but I disagreed because it's not just about finding a means of transportation.


reddiapermama

It sure as hell isn't! So, your husband refused to stay home near your due date when you also have another kid to take care of, one who is too young to be alone when you go into labor, but also refused to take that kid with him or take care of him and bring him to family while you got set up at hospital. Wow.


goddamn_slutmuffin

Where do you live? It wasn’t football season in America yet 10 weeks ago, but you spell a few words the American way…


administrativenothin

Football in other countries is soccer.


Massive_Bid_7440

NTA How did he think he was going to get away with this? He was at his brothers house watching the game? It was going to come out sooner or later. It was good you immediately set the situation straight or his parents would have wondered why you covered for him. It would have made you look dishonest. He screwed up big time and should be 100% focused on regaining your trust.


ana_says_hello

NTA NTA!!!! That is a major red flag, that your husband values game night over his **wife & child** & proceeds to lie about it to his family. I think though the berating was harsh, he had it coming. Anyway congrats on the child OP :)


KFray96

INFO I fully agree with you being nta. Though I just saw your edit and I have to ask, where was your 4 year old at? Who was taking care of them while your husband was at his friend's?


throwC5673325

With my brother in-law. Before that my son was with me. My brother in law doesn't drive because of his medical condition but my sister drives.


ginisninja

I had the same question. Honestly this makes him more of an AH. He clearly didn’t think about your existing child either. Imagine trying to take care of a 4yo while in labour, plus he might have been scared seeing you in pain.


ParsimoniousSalad

If he didn't want to look like a bad husband, he shouldn't have been a bad husband then, and especially shouldn't have doubled down on lying about what he did. Good for you for calling him out. If he's going to act like a child he can be treated like one. NTA


Sammisam-33

NTA - I'm surprised it took 10 weeks, I'd have been calling my MIL to deal with her child so I could focus on mine. Want to act like a careless teenage boy in a situation where you should have been top priority then he deserves to be treated as such by his mother. Also he has no right to be mad at you for being honest, how could he expect that you'd grit your teeth and smile through his lying, especially adding little details like being on his feet for so long without food or water. I'd have done the same for sure.


Nervous-Jury3715

NTA. He is just mad he got caught in a lie.


amjay8

NTA. Tell his mom about him berating you, maybe she can scold some sense into him. That’s bad advice, but it would feel good. Seriously, if you’re honest with yourself is he truly a supportive husband other than this incident, because logically it’s hard to believe he went from responsible, respectful partner to blowing you off in active labor to watch football.


Charming_Lemon4743

NTA. He made himself look like a horrible husband, he really should have listened to you the whole time


HoldingOnTight129

You could have died. Seriously. Absolutely NTA


jwiley0905

NTA. I want to give MIL a high five ✋


Citrine_98_

Nta, but honey I seriously think he's cheating on you.


fejjisthemann

NTA -- sorry but it sounds like your husband is Grade A the asshole. You deserve better, sis.


Gray-Jedi-Dad

NTA. I would ban all sports for him for the next few years. He's gotta learn sports are the last thing in his life. It goes: Family, Friends, Work, Hobbies, Sports (if your hobby is not sports).


throwC5673325

Truth be told he hasn't watched a game ever since we returned home with our son. He's doing well in our son's care currently and I'm getting rest when I need it even though it's hard with a newborn but we are working together now.


gwacemom

NTA. You didn’t make him look like anything; he did. Truth hurts. Maybe next time he will do what he should and not act like a child.


KeyFeeFee

NTA, if he doesn’t want to be treated like a jerk he should try not acting like one (then lying about it!!) I love your MIL though. I would be livid if I found out one of my boys behaved that way too!


GloomyMarzipan

NTA. Your husband was neglectful. It wasn’t that he couldn’t be there — he prioritized a game over the birth. His entire family should know about it. In fact, your brother in law apparently did know about it since you said they watched the game at his place.


booksandfries

NTA. Your MIL is a legend


Astoriana_

NTA. If your husband doesn’t want to be scolded by his mom for not being a good husband, then he should work on being a good husband. He deserved that scolding. Also, I love your MIL. I think she would get on with my mom like a house on fire. I love it when no-nonsense ladies get together. Anyway. Your husband is embarrassed. That doesn’t make him right. He knew his mother would react poorly to his inconsiderate behaviour, and so he lied to save face. You didn’t do a single thing wrong bu correcting it.


meloyello08

If you’re in America, YTA for making up this story. Football wasn’t being played 10 weeks ago.


pm_me_cute_sloths_

They said “games” implying multiple that day. It makes it sound like it’s a full day of games and I can’t imagine someone being super invested in say the Gold Cup and Irish Premier at the same time to spend an entire day having a “routine”. It sounds like she’s referring to a full slate of NFL or college games in which your team *is* playing and he and his buddies have to watch together. This is obviously further bolstered by Americanized spelling. As you mentioned, American football started their professional season last Sunday and college 4 weeks ago for the earliest games. This is made up Also, this quote is hilariously bad: “Shame shame shame! on you, this is not how I raised my children to treat their wives, Jordan you are a disgrace and I'm disappointed because of what I heard about you". That’s such a fake quote that someone writing a shitty fan fiction wouldn’t even come up with something that poorly written lol


mzpljc

NTA, he had every word of that tirade coming to him. If he doesn't want to look like TA, he shouldn't act like TA. The nerve of him to lie like that.


Ecstatic_Fee_8856

NTA He caused the rift with his actions.


smolandworried

NTA 'Boohoo me YOU MADE me seem like an asshole' - totally not the fact that I did an asshole thing. No for sure that's not the issue, it's your honesty that's the issue. Talk about diffusion of responsibility, he's just lashing out at you because that's the only place to put it that isn't himself.


AlbinoMetroid

> He said they had certain... How can i describe it? "rituals?" when watching a game and he can't enjoy doing it at home or anywhere else. Does he show any signs of obsessive compulsive disorder? I can't think of any other reason why someone would let their rituals put someone else's life in danger like that, let alone someone he's supposed to love. NTA. He cares more about his parents being angry with him than about putting your life in danger. Could you ever imagine doing the same to him? Can you imagine telling a friend that she's an asshole if she was you in this situation?


throwC5673325

OCD? Yes he's always been showing similar signs but never looked into it thinking it's something he grew up with so it's more of a habit than anything else. I truly don't think so.


UnicornCackle

>he went nuts saying I made him look neglectful, a bad husband and father Oh, you didn't make him look neglectful or a bad husband and father, his own actions did that. If he's ashamed of how his family thinks of him, he shouldn't have acted that way in the first place. He IS neglectful and a bad husband and father. What would have happened if your sister hadn't been available to drive you? What if something had gone wrong? Honestly, you're way more forgiving than I am because he would not have been living in the same place as me right now, he would be in therapy and doing more serious grovelling than he could even imagine. NTA.


cigarmanpa

NTA but there’s more to this then he’s telling you. He’s cheating on you


Soiree1999

NTA he went out of his way to lie.


Aeriyka

Nope, nope, nope — first he fails you utterly when you go into labor and you’re scared and you NEED him, then he expected you to sit there and let him lie to everyone about it? So then he was busted and got scolded — and he deserved every bit of it. And then he got mad at YOU? Somebody didn’t like the CONSEQUENCES of his ACTIONS. You’re NTA, but he’s a giant donkey d*ck who … well, I can’t say what I really want to cause I don’t wanna get in trouble here …


makeshiftmarty

NTA He looked like a bad neglectful husband because he was acting like one. He left you in labor for over two hours so he could watch the game with his buddies? He chose a game over his wife and birth of his first child? He deserved every bit of that tongue lashing. He lied and was caught so he’s the cause of the rift between him and his family. Tell him to take some damn responsibility for his actions.


Crazyhowthatworks304

NTA. Your husband is a very lousy partner and a liar. He blames you for calling him out when he was straight up lying and trying to make him look better than he is to his parents. If he can lie like that, right next to you, without feeling bad at all, what else is be lying about?


sharpcarnival

NTA he did the action, not you, if he didn’t want people to know, he should not have done it


Sammy6711

NTA but if you wouldn’t have got a ride, what was his plan, hope you deliver at home, cut the cord, clean you and baby up and be waiting for him at home all happy???


Ok-Vacation4862

Maybe you should marry his Mom instead. She sounds better. NTA


grouchymonk1517

NTA >I made him look neglectful, a bad husband and father No he made himself look neglectful and like a bad father and husband when he was neglectful and a bad father and hubsand.


Dronechastity

NTA tell your boyfriend that you only told the truth and if he cared for the family then he needs to learn that sometimes that family is indeed important becaus of honesty


bookshelfie

NTA. You told the truth. And you deserve better than him.


abbe_normal_

NTA. My mind is blown right now. Your husband sounds truly awful. He’s immature and selfish. He deserves every bit of that tirade and then some.


RedHeadGeekGrl

NTA He made himself look like a bad husband and dishonest all by his own actions. But please, please really think about this. Is he still not willing to disrupt his rituals for important things? Especially if there is an emergency with you or baby? What if a special event or birthday falls on one of his game days? Not to mention that he knew you where in labor and ignored you then exploded at you over his being called out own his own behavior. This is abusive. Edited due to autocorrect sabotage


snazzy_gator

NTA I would have divorced that guy so fast his head would still be spinning. You didn't make him look like anything, he did that all by himself.