T O P

AITA for acting like this towards my best friend and his girlfriend?

AITA for acting like this towards my best friend and his girlfriend?

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I may be TA because I overstepped in their relationship and started insulting them on that call. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


dyinginsect

YTA. Seriously you think he should have prioritised football over being with her when she was hospitalised?


juytdde

It gets worse when you read the edit. >I just don’t want his attention to be on another woman rather than me Op is overestimating her self-importance to him and how she comes first before all significant others (even wife) because she’s his friend. I’m just more amazed at OP’s brain than wanting to laugh at how stupid the “friend > everyone” bullshit.


ItsEmyxoxo

I didn’t think “pick me” girl actually existed but apparently I have been proved wrong. OP is one of those girls and kinda seems to be in love with her best friend


aklaino89

Kinda? Nah, this lady's got feelings for him, but doesn't want to date him... for some reason. She's straight up jealous. And she thinks he's a simp for being faithful to his girlfriend, apparently. Makes me think she wants to be his mistress or FWB.


AncientBlonde

My ex best friend was like this. She has OCD and has SEVERE problems not being in control (example, on my 18th birthday she ditched me cause I didn't wanna go clubbing and she did) It has to be hwr way or the highway. I got these vibes from this post.


prettygraveling

uh, I have OCD, and that’s not OCD. That’s closer to narcissism.


mortuarybarbue

Also he said they cant sleep together or go on dates.......im like well yeah but apparently op is upset about this


m2cwf

Seriously, this is such strange, strange wording. Why is it even necessary to mention not sleeping together and going on dates? Were OP and her friend doing that before the gf came along? There are some really jacked-up dynamics going on here if so, and no one is ever going to believe that OP isn't in love with him and wanting to date him. I mean, she doesn't want to date him but is complaining that she can't go out on dates with him? OP, YTA. Find some other friends to hang out with and let your friend choose how much time he wants to spend with you. And let it go at that--he's just not into you.


HCIBSW

I am guessing they were FWB, she caught more than friendship feelings, he didn't. Now she's pissed like "I saw him first, I called dibs on his attention." OP, YTA


mortuarybarbue

Im guessing they were f*k buddies.


TreesRco_olNtheDark

Honestly, everytime sh… It gets sexual, someone with misplaced feelings gets hurt, and it’s usually the one missing something, ……not the the one’s finding new love. That being said, whose gonna recommend stopping someone’s love….no person except an Asshole, …Though I Feel close to Op’s predicament, not her bad words at worse timing.


mortuarybarbue

Well that doesn't happen with all f*k buddies. And of course you can't help who you love. But she is not handling it appropriately at all.


Traditional_Net_8824

My ex and his friend were sharing a bed and shit before I came along, they stopped that when I entered the picture but he'd still spend days or a week at a time at her place. I tried boundaries because like yall can hang out but it's a 45 minute drive you don't need to be sleeping in her room or if you do crash...on the couch and leave in the morning not waiting for her to come home from work. They both had shit fits when I said I was done with this bs. Cue him lying and sneaking over to her place to hang out. This chic seriously sounds like her except his friend was like 42 not 20.


Brundall

I was going to say the same thing...I'm guessing they were fuck buddies and she thought there was more to it x


notquitesolid

I don’t think they were fuck buddies, but there was definitely an emotional relationship going on here. They might have been in a bit of a codependency, as OP seems really put out that her friend is doing with his SO what he used to do with OP. I have several LTR with guy friends. I don’t cuddle with them or do anything especially intimate with them, AKA I don’t treat them like a lover without the sex, and if they tried that shit with me I’d be angry almost immediately as it would violate a boundary. I know about their sex lives to a degree, they know about mine. I support them when they date people and visa versa. We hang out when there’s time, watch movies, sometimes go on trips… but there’s always a good healthy “we are friends” boundary that I’d have with any person that I’m not romantically involved with. I think OP and this guy fucked up and didn’t keep good boundaries, so now OP is missing that quasi-romantic bond she had with her now ex-friend. The guy didn’t feel much pain because he just moved from spending close contact time with his friend to spending it with his girlfriend, and he has at least some sense to now establish a boundary with OP, too little too late it might be. I’d bet money OP’s ex-friend knew she was more into him than he was into her, but enjoyed the attention and spending casual time with her, so when he got a girlfriend she filled all those needs, leaving OP left out. Don’t get me wrong, she carries the lion’s share here for falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same way, but OP’s ex-friend kinda sounds like (wth the info we have) that he encouraged it until he had someone to replace OP. So. OP is now reeling from learning that she was really just a friend, and that her ex-friend is moving forward and having relationships. Instead of focusing on her life and maybe finding someone to be involved with, she is demanding the ex-friend return to his previous behavior and make her a priority… and not realizing how insane that sounds from someone on the outside. I kinda feel for OP, but I also think this is a harsh life lesson she needs to learn, and the sooner the better.


ZookeepergameAny5223

OP reminds me of the ex-friend in this post https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pm3vnh/aita\_for\_stepping\_down\_as\_a\_bridesmaid\_just\_one/?utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_source=share


juytdde

>Plus she was always trying to put me in my place since I started dating my fiancé, claiming she’ll always come first in his life. Dear god, even the wording is freakishly similar. That post has me thinking if this post’s op and that post’s SIL is the same person in a strange way.


TKO1942

Does anyone remember that post where that woman asked for advice, to help her friend see she’s better for him than his wife? One of the most legendary comments giving her “advice” was in that thread!


yallsuck88

I wanna seeeeee. Hopefully someone remembers. Reddit do your thing


aelizabeth0623

i literally looked for it last week: https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1230513886127894528?s=21


Organic_Quantity4805

I just went and read this post and i know this is off topic but, omgggg...the way he describes his love for "Helen", really hit me in the feelers!! SO romantic. God i love that...


DM_ME_YOUR_NUTSACK

Right? Thats outright adorable. They're lucky to have each other!


GoodQueenFluffenChop

Oh goodness that woman I swear needs to stop.


Seraph_Malakai

Overestimating her importance is an understatement. She is obsessed with OP. Go read her her edit. It's psycho level obsession...


m2cwf

> I just don't want his attention to be on another woman rather than me. Yep, suuuuuper creepy


seattleque

Yeah, boiled bunny creepy.


[deleted]

Yeah, at first I was half expecting her to say her friend kept cancelling plans with her last minute or something to go see his girlfried just cause (it sucks when friends do this and treat you as a backup plan and disrespect you/your time this way). This is... not that at all. Just wow.


Goateed_Chocolate

That's what got me. YTA


Grace_Alcock

OP sounds like a six year old!


Dewhickey76

No, OP is obviously in love with him and needs to accept that it isn't gonna ever happen. What chick complains that the guy friend's gf doesn't want them sleeping over together? OP is delusional when it comes to her importance and seems to think her friend feels the same way she does. He doesn't, at least not with her.


Tanooki07

And being upset he won't move an important prior engagement for her last minute birthday party... None of the given examples are valid. OP sounds jealous af.


hawkbearpig

To be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if Dude started pulling away from that friendship even if he didn’t start a new relationship.


okayishcoder

For the dudes sake, I hope he does


DottedUnicorn

Agree. Op comes off like a crazy ex, not a supportive friend. AND DEFINITELY NOT A BEST FRIEND. OP, for reals, you need professional help. Your obsession with him is unhealthy. You need to step back from this guy and go build other meaningful and healthy relationships, friend or romantic. But please get some much needed therapy first. You seem to have some serious issues and I hope therapy can help you learn about healthy boundaries for your own well-being, never mind your friend. Why are you acting so demanding? Why aren't you being a real friend and supporting his relationship? Newsflash- significant others DO come first. GF was right to tell you to stay in your lane. She's probably going to insist he stop being friends with you. She would be stupid not to. You owe your best friend and his gf a massive apology. Assuming he ever speaks to you again. I get you don't get you're the AH but please read people's comments here as an opportunity for self-growth because YTA - hugely.


Illustrious_Fuel8870

Yeah that was it for me. YTA OP. After your edit, you’re in for it when he gets married, whether it’s this woman or the next. She WILL be his priority, as she should be. You’re 20, this will start to happen with all of your friends. People are starting to build lives with their life partners, buck up and learn friendship does change as we get older and it is shown in different ways.


CandyTheTreat

OP is so obviously in love with her best friend its painful.


Familiar_Season8438

Nah, she's just incredibly narcissistic, someone in love wants the person to be happy. They'd sound sad at the missed opportunities to hang out not entitled and offended they aren't getting more attention


Beeesh1

And what's with the whole female incel/neckbeard attitude, and use of the term "simp"? She's in total denial about her feelings for him. It's normal for friendships to change over time, and she's not entitled to his time and attention; and she's certainly not entitled to be the most important woman in his life. She will end up losing his friendship entirely. Sounds like OP needs to get out more, and focus on meeting new people and otherwise improving her life. This sounds very unhealthy, and a bit stalker-ish!


p1z4rr0

Op is gonna be in for a rude awakening when her friends get families and they can only hang out like once or twice ever 2-3 months. It's sad really.


Jungleman6

No, she’s totally in love with him. She’s pissed that he won’t go on dates with her and share a bed with her anymore, and that another girl has his attention.


Familiar_Season8438

Yes, but the way she says these things reflects a sense of ownership not affection or heartbreak.


Jungleman6

It’s both. She loves him, but doesn’t seem to want to admit it, and also thinks that he belongs to her and her alone.


locomoco210

OP is a cool girl.


calliecoping

Yeah the whole “boys night” thing. She’s definitely one of those girls who claims to only have guy friends because there’s “less drama” but really it’s because girls don’t like her for things exactly like this.


MandiDC86

Truth!


Dedicatedlamp

She screams “pick me” js


butt_butt_butt_butt_

No one loves chili dogs that much!


The_Bookish_One

Speak for yourself! (OP is a total 'I'm not like other girls, pick me!' person, though.)


butt_butt_butt_butt_

It’s a line from “the Cool Girl” monologue. Chili dogs are a delight.


collegekidscreaming

There was a post on reddit a while back similar to this. The girl's friend ended up severing all ties with her because she proved she couldn't be trusted not to stomp boundaries in his relationships.


Dedicatedlamp

Right? Can someone find this guy and show him this? He needs to drop her asap.


m2cwf

Oh, I really hope he finds this thread. On second thought, OP you should show it to him, as proof of how much you care about him and cherish your friendship. He would want to know this, I think Edit: And then go get yourself into therapy, because your actions toward this person you claim to be your "best friend" are seriously disturbing. You need to realize that you are, in fact, NOT first in his life, and likely will never be again. He's on his way to finding a life partner, and you need to acknowledge and accept the fact that it's not going to be you. It is likely to take some professional help for you to gain the tools to come to terms with that.


wilderchai

Just saw her edit: >I'll be here always before and after any other woman...No other woman would support him and know him as well as I do...I just don't want to be second to him. To summarise, OP is in love with her friend and insanely jealous of his girlfriend. In her eyes, the girlfriend is replacing her position and turning the boy's attention away from her. It's a case of basic jealousy. OP, YTA.


BayBrit5OO

YTA lol seriously this has to be fake because nobody who has a semblance of a brain could say “He choose to be with his gf in hospital instead of watching football with me” and legitimately think they have been wronged. Also planning a party with less than 24 notice AFTER your birthday has already passed? Don’t blame her for your piss poor planning there, mate. I doubt he will come running to you if she dumps him as you have shown him who you really are with your insanely childish behavior. Grow up dude.


FoxUniCarKilo

>semblance of a brain Obviously it wasn’t OPs turn to use ***The*** brain


KeepLkngForIntllgnce

I was gonna say Either humanity is dimmed cos newer humans seem to only have 2 brain cells - or AITA has been officially taken over by the trolls. This is not real


bakersd0z3n

Or >> I just don’t want his attention to be on another woman rather than me. I’ve known him and supported him all these years. I’ll be here after he dumps her or she dumps him. I’ll be here always before and after any other woman. That is delusional levels of crazy. There might be the occasional ‘girl best friend’ of a guy who thinks that way, they might even *vocalise* it to the ‘other woman’, but nobody can be so deluded as to post it on a public forum and think “oh, yes, this won’t bring the hate brigade out in droves”. OP knows what they’re doing. They’re a troll just trying to trigger people.


pussyforpresident

As much as I hope this is fake, I think we have that weird movie genre/trope to thank where the “best friend” is secretly, so obviously, the person that is “right” for the guy/girl while their SO is an evil person that takes them away from sweet, perfect-for-him, best friend. Real life ain’t like it though in real life the possessive best friend is nearly always the cruella. 20 years old is still young enough to fall for this kinda weird thinking, I feel like the more we separate ourselves from it in age, the more insane it comes across. But it happens all the time


p1z4rr0

Here is how I see it playing out. Gf dumps dude. Op is "there for him" after they break up. They hook up, and then dude realizes he isn't in love with op, who is overly jealous. Then op just can't understand why this is happening to her.


RafRafRafRaf

Oh, come *on*. Yes, YTA. Quite a bit. Let’s go through your examples one by one. - yes, people do stuff with their girlfriends/boyfriends that they don’t do with their mates, it’s a different relationship. - missing football because your partner is in hospital is normal, okay and appropriate. - You told him about your party at very short notice, he had already committed to be somewhere else. Again normal, okay and appropriate. It’s not “something concerning his girlfriend” so much as that he **had plans** - solid plans involving 6 (or more?) people, not a small deal or something easy to rearrange. You have behaved in a very childish, selfish way. It sounds like you are indeed jealous, and maybe resenting his new relationship with someone who, unlike you, treats him with respect and doesn’t attack or devalue his other relationships. It’s not okay to call him names. It’s not okay to demand he abandon plans at short notice. It’s not okay to try to decide for him how he should spend his time. It’s not okay, in fact, to do any of the things you’ve described doing and saying. You didn’t mention how old you both are, but most 14 year olds would read your post and go “woah, they need to grow up”. But there’s an important thing that *is* okay. It is okay to worry that your friend will leave you behind as he reaches adulthood. It is okay to feel wistful for when everything was a bit more straightforward and nobody was worrying about anything much but the footie. It is okay to be anxious about your own relationships. It’s certainly okay to wish he was dating you instead, just in case that feeling is in the mix too - and it might well be, feelings are complicated beasties. In short, it’s always okay to *feel* pretty much anything. It’s what you say and do, the things that affect others, that can be less okay. You can think about and process hurtful things without hurting anyone.


Wild_Syrup5946

OP is yikes on several bikes!! It’s great that you’ve shown your “friend” all of your 🚩🚩🚩


deepseadiver119

This is good, level-headed advice that you gave after the initial part. This would preserve her friendship. But it doesn’t sound like she’s listening.


Generic_Garak

Yeah. Either she’s trolling or dense. She’s straight up refusing to accept the judgment of the community and trying to defend her ridiculous actions in every comment


[deleted]

As a 14 year old, I agree.


spaceygracie12

Her behavior is very childish.


folkloreswiftie31

As a 14 year old,I can confirm this is exactly how I felt when I read this post.


CherryPopcornGoddess

Of course YTA. You're acting like you're in love with/ obsessed with your best friend. You have no concept of boundaries and you seem to think that you are the center of this universe and that everyone else orbits around you. You were honestly upset that he was with his GF at the hospital? Either you're obsessed with him or this is a shit post. I'm sorry, you are obviously really hurt by what you perceive as being replaced, but a true friend would be happy that he's happy.


SnooBunnies1088

Jealous much?! YTA, priorities change in life and apparently his have. Asking him to move a big step like families meeting just to come to a last minute party is ridiculous. And then the way you confronted them, entitled much?


GrassTerrible5262

YTA 1. "he´s claiming he´s in love" - So you´re his friend...but you somehow think it´s cool to devalue his emotions? 2. A relationship comes with certain commitments, these extend to making time for family / life time / emergency events. GF in hospital = emergency. Meeting the family - relationship milestone. Relationships require some form of commitment, he´s committed. 3. You are not his girlfriend. He obviously wants to maintain this relationship and that means: no sharing the bed with another woman. It also means sharing experiences and creating memories. He is still willing to make time for you, but you are not the girlfriend. You are not the person he is physically intimate with. Not the person he could - somewhere down the road, in the future - plan marriage and kids and a house and a pet with. You are a friend, maybe even his best friend, but that means, you´re platonic. You´re invited to a potential wedding, maybe even in the party, but you are not the bride. You might be in the running for god-parent, but not for mother or father of his kids. (My apologies, I am not sure what your gender is, so I am trying not to presume) A relationship is the commitment to value potential for a joint future. He did not make that commitment with you, he made it with her. And if you were "just a friend" or "just a best friend"... you would respect that, even if you don´t like her. 4. You need counselling. 5. You need to apologize. If you want to save the friendship.


Diznygurl

Agreed. OP is not acting normal.


notrapunzel

YTA. I cannot believe you're angry that he chose to stay with his HOSPITALISED GIRLFRIEND instead of hanging out with you that time and leaving her alone in a hospital. Regarding your birthday, you should have planned it way sooner and he would have probably been there. You sound kinda ridiculous and overly dependent on this one friend.


a_squid_beast

I liked how she made him go get the girlfriend so she could insult them both. If he had come to football night, we'd be reading an AITA about a boyfriend who left his girlfriend alone in the hospital. And he would've been ta for doing that


Zukazuk

My husband left me in the hospital ER waiting to be admitted to go drinking with his friends. Guess who's divorced now.


SmokingInTheWindow

There was a post by a woman whose fiancé left her waiting to be picked up at the hospital so he could watch the game with his friends. He was actually THERE and then left because it was game time. He gaslit her so bad, she was wondering if she was the asshole for “blowing up his phone” during the game because she was stuck at a hospital far from home with no one to pick her up.


a_squid_beast

I remember that! That was awful!


Diznygurl

Actually she sounds like a preditor.


Walouisi

Yup. "Nobody would ever support/know him like I do". Extremely controlling and, if she says it to him, abusive & manipulative thing to say. As well as delusional, ofc. She speaks about him like he's her property, throwing a tantrum because he doesn't find it appropriate to prioritise her above his actual partner. OP thinks she's some kinda special sauce, clearly.


ForwardPlenty

YTA, you gotta get over your mancrush, he has a new best friend, and she just happens to be a girl. You are acting like a jealous former girlfriend, so get over it and find someone else to hang with. Your clinginess is driving your former best friend even farther away. Who wants to hang around with someone who berates them for not hanging out enough, and then getting mad when they have plans with their girlfriend.


RandomFeather13

Oh boy, YTA. First of all how old are you to act that immature ? Second are you in love with your bestfriend? Because it sounds very much like it


freakyjaz

Good point.. scorned lover vibe for sure.


Helpful_Librarian_87

I am not the op, but I can say with much authority that yes, yes she is.


Sufficient_Degree_34

You should read the edit, it got a lot worse IMO


CatterMater

Feels awfully close to bunny boiler territory :/


Strawberry-tarts

She says she’s not but I’m thinking otherwise *cough* pick me *cough*


_Kenndrah_

YTA. This has got to be fake. Surely nobody could actually do all that and not realise they're being selfish and ridiculous.


TryUsingScience

I wouldn't be surprised if it's a genderswapped version of a previous post. Not that it never happens like this, but it's more common the other way around. Not sure what OP was trying to prove, though, because no matter the arrangement of genders this was guaranteed to get a torrent of YTAs.


loup094

YTA. How old are you?


CalmFront7908

Exactly. Important info. My 17 yr old son lost his best when he he was 15 because she started coming over on sundays and he wasn’t available to play madden. Sounds like some teenage bs. If op is not a teenager he needs professional help!


Over_Cardiologist296

She's (yes a girl) is 20


Diznygurl

20 going on 12. This is Jr High behavior.


cocoamilkyy

YTA grow up Edit: seen the edit and if you’re not in love with him you are seriously possessive. I really hope he sees this thread so he backs the hell away. You’re not healthy for him it’s weird.


chicagoturkergirl

YTA- this is adulthood. Also, as you get older, you need to plan things further in advance or this will happen to you a lot.


teddythepenguin

YTA and sound like the worst kind of incel. Honestly, the only thing that would soften this is if you’re in love with your friend, but even then it’s overstepping. Your friend likes to spend time with his girlfriend more than he does spending it with you, deal with it — from the overall tone of this post, I am not surprised at all.


Helpful_Librarian_87

Op is a girl & we’re all thinking she’s in love with her best friend & is mahoosively jealous


Helpful_Nectarine742

Big YTA “I was bitter” yeh we can see that!


General_Relative2838

On the outside chance this is not a troll, YTA. Stop trying to make him choose between the two of you. It’s not easy to reschedule events; therefore, you could just as easily changed your birthday party as he could have changed his parent dinner. I only hope (again, if you are not a troll) you are young. Your behavior is childish. They’ve been together a year. Stop trying to undermine their relationship. It’s not going to work, and you will lose your friend.


Simple-Television221

YTA. First of all, did you really expect him to watch football with you while is girlfriend was in the hospital? That seems unreasonable there. Girlfriend aside, obviously he's going to priotize anyone who's in the hospital than watching football. Secondly, for your birthday party, he unfortunately already had plans. Nothing against you, he was already busy. He sounded more than willing to come another time to celebrate if you wanted.


Sea_Poem_4935

Aaaaah The pick me girl😂


Dry_Dragonfruit_4191

YTA. It's a part of life when your friends start dating. You are just mad because things have changed... As they should. Honestly you may have just lost this friend of yours by being selfish with your wants & your needs. You aren't thinking about your friend at all. Your thinking about yourself. You personally are stirring the pot and trying to cause them issues. That video call you did was to intentionally start something. Congrats you made an ass out of yourself!


angel2hi

YTA. He visited her in the hospital instead of watching a game? Gasp! He didn’t break plans for multiple members of both families to meet because last minute you decided to throw a party that day? The horror! He does fun things with his significant other that you aren’t invited to? Omg! Stop the presses. You are in for a rude awakening. This is what adults in relationships do. They find a partner who becomes their priority. They can and should make time for friends but friends also understand that the person is no longer free as a bird to hang whenever. Just wait until you have friends who have kids. If you think a girlfriend takes a lot of time you are in for a whole new level of time commitment with kids. If someone doesn’t make massive adjustments to their time with friends once they have a SO and kids, that person is an AH.


lilEve77

YTA. He has done nothing to merit your juvenile, jealous and downright nasty behaviour. Yes, he got a girlfriend and yes he is spending time with her, but you are not doing anything to make it appealing for him to spend time with you. He is so much better off without you in his life.


EngineeringOwn2299

YTA Girlfriend in hospital trumps boys night. Already established plans trump your last minute decision to have a party. You sounds jealous, and very needy.


cyberllama

Wonder if she knew about the already established plans and arranged this last minute party to try and flex on the girlfriend 🤔


WTFwheresthefeta

Thats EXACTLY what she did, then it backfired


EngineeringOwn2299

100% this is what happened. And the edit only makes OP look worse.


Apricot_Hunter

It’s a girl not a dude


Lady_Trig

YTA "I don't want to date him but I also don't his attention on other women instead of me" do you hear yourself!? He didn't come to football night because he was with his hospitalised gf, he did the right thing! If it had been you in hospital and he had gone to football night instead you would have lost your shit at that too! You invite him to your birthday party at ridiculously short notice and get mad when he has plans. You way overstepped, there is no problem with anything he is doing but there is everything wrong with what you're doing. You are jealous of his relationship and you aren't handling it well and I think 1 of 4 things has happened. 1. You've had feelings for him for a while but missed your chance to say something. 2. You've told him how you feel but he only sees you as friend. 3. He once had feelings for you, you turned him so he moved on and you don't like it. 4. You're just selfish and petty and belive that the world revolves around you. 🤷‍♀️


Rettirk

I was going with a soft YTA because you were hurt by the girlfriend replacing you until the end and you went straight up douche canoe and earned a solid YTA ... with honors


notastepfordwife

This is so, so bad, and I'm having flashbacks. I used to BE you, so please listen to me. It is not healthy to "dedicate" all your attention to one person. It is not healthy or reasonable to expect a grown man whom you aren't dating to choose YOU over his girlfriend. You are NOT special because you're one girl over presumably many guy friends. You may not be in love with him, but you want him to want to be with YOU. That's selfish. If he's your friend and you love him like one, you would want him to find happiness. If you think she'll dump him and you'll be there to "pick up the pieces", have more self-respect. Be supportive when he's down, but don't put yourself on a pedestal as the only person who understands him. You're not. It doesn't make you a martyr to wait for him. It's foolishness. You can't accept that he's evolving, he wants to be more, and you're angry that you're not enough to keep him with you. Stop being focused on him. When you get older, you'll realize you wasted so many good years trying to be enough for him, only to realize that HE'S NOT GOING TO CHOOSE YOU. You're not proving your loyalty to him, you're proving to him that you're unstable and he needs to check out of y'alls relationship.


ct31396

YTA, for my explanation please see everyone else’s comments. Go apologize, maybe you still have a chance to salvage your friendship. Have a nice day.


Notherbastard

You are such an AH. I'm not even going to defend my comment. You. ARE. The. Arsehole.


Horror-Commission656

>he said he's not neglecting me he's just enforcing boundaries because we can't be together 24/7, *sleep together* or go on dates. Girl... get it together. He made his decision, and those are boundaries for a normal, healthy relationship. You need to move on. YTA


AbbyBirb

YTA. You are being unreasonable and overreacting and you should get it together.


LuvMeLongThyme

Your friend said, “he’s not neglecting me he’s just enforcing boundaries because we can’t be together 24/7, sleep together or go on dates…a girl he just started dating took my place”…. Did you see yourself as his BF? Whatever you see yourself as, he does *not* see you that way, at least anymore, and *you* need to get a grip. He has a *life* and if you want to stay part of it, you need to accept that his world does not revolve around you. YTA


freakyjaz

Okay- given your edit- you need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship with him is OVER. His gf is a much more significant person in his life at this point (families meeting each other… hello?) and she knows him way better than you do already. You need to turn your head around if you want him to even think back fondly on your friendship. Otherwise you are tainting your own memory forever. You already have. Moving forward you will never be more important than the woman he shared his intimate self with. You say you don’t want him romantically, therefore you won’t ever be the woman he shares his intimate self with. You can’t underestimate how important that is to a man. Again, apologize your ass off and change the way you interact with them- they are now a them- if you want any interaction into the future. But truthfully the most healthy thing is for you to put your relationship with him into a special box, put it on a special shelf in your heart, and know 100% that your time as his bf is over. It’s not coming back. You are both moving into adulthood and what you expect to continue simple will not continue. Get clear about that. The time is gone. If you really do love him, then respect him, support his choices, and wish him the best.


emmennwhy

YTA and until the edit I seriously thought op was a 14 year old boy dealing with his friend getting their very first girlfriend.


ImSpoons

That was my thought when I read this too. Holy jealousy.


Equivalent-Tone-8824

YTA


CountingMoons

YTA you have obsessive behavior, no wonder he wants to pull back from you.


Eastern-Water9701

YTA. This is ludicrous.


fuckedupfruitloop

So now that you’ve clarified your a woman, and you mentioned in the first paragraph how you couldn’t sleep together anymore, I’m guessing this isn’t just a best friend, it’s an ex FWB and you’re pissed he’s not at your beck and call anymore. YTA. And honestly, good luck. I haven’t met a non-abusive man who goes for such obvious pick-mes.


kuddly_kallico

YTA. Your friend is right to treat you and his gf as equals. It's normal to share new experiences with your partner, and friendships do get less time. It doesn't mean he cares less for you. Your last minute birthday invite sucks, I know you wanted him there but he had important plans, two families meeting for the first time is a BIG DEAL. Rather than reschedule with 5 people, he could have asked you to do something else afterward to celebrate. If you continue to push him and her away it will be your fault that you lose him.


DwightMcRamathorn

YTA. Wow .


agentsparkles88

"I know we planned for our families to meet and this is a really big relationship milestone, but my friend planned a last minute birthday party so this event that was planned before my friend even decided to have a party is just going to have to be canceled." Seriously? Is that how you think the situation should have been handled. Grow up let your friend date a girl. YTA.


PurpleMarmite

YTA. Try planning things a little sooner so the grown ups can plan accordingly


BerserkGorillaIsOP

You must be 12 years old lol


PotatoPixie90210

YTA "I just don't want his attention to be on another woman rather than me." So, you don't want to date him, you don't want him to date, you want all his focus to be on you. You're a real nasty manipulative piece of work, and no real friend.


notgreatbob1995

YTA. Is this a shit post? Re-read what you just wrote. You’re mad he chose his hospitalized girlfriend over football?? You’re mad an adult man is prioritizing his relationship over his buddies? That’s what happens in life. Time to grow up. You said you’re not in love with him, but it would actually be better if you were because now you just look inexplicably crazy. Also you called him a “simp” for taking his relationship seriously? You are the ultimate pick-me girl. I hope one day you have a boyfriend who has a woman best friend and he prioritizes her over you, leaves you in the hospital to watch football with her, goes to her birthday party last minute instead of going to an important family event with you, and takes her side when she says things like “when she dumps you I’ll be here with open arms” so you can see how it feels.


wombathuman

YTA, I had a woman act like this before my husband and I were married. She made a huge scene at a friends wedding that she knew him best because she knew him longer and I would be nothing. He saw how toxic her behavior was and chose himself to back away from their friendship. I feel bad he lost a friend but also that’s a lot of drama to be done with. I suggest you look at your own actions and see that this could happen to use.


hyteskatyamattel

YTA. For one thing, yes, you're in love with him. And if you truly aren't but want no other woman to come before you, you are an arrogant needy spoiled brat. For another, you have a serious case of internalized misogyny. "The boys chat", "simp" etc - you're the poster child for "I'm not like other girls, teehee". Grow TF up.


EastLeastCoast

Oh boy... I really want to say you’re TA. Video calling and being so enormously rude was really over the top. This is his primary relationship, of course he is going to prioritize it. But... are you in love with your best friend? Because you really, really sound like you are. You were going on dates and sleeping together before the gf thing? If that’s the case... I can’t call you an AH for being hurt.


el_clintoro

YTA. Definitely stopped reading after the first paragraph.


GoodIntelligent2867

Yta.. your are a needy ah. You wanted him to leave his hospitalized gf for a game night. Are you serious or u just trolling? Gf or not, I would rather be friendless than have one like you. Of course priorities change when you have other relationships. You seem like a middle schooler. How old are you. If u are even a day over 16, I would say u maturity level is way below normal.


emmz113678

Yta your edit makes you look even worse. Grow up man, he's met someone he's in love with, deal with it and let him be. Just cause he ain't simping over you, jealousy is a ugly colour to wear.


Comfortable-Ad-4274

Please say sike YTA, obviously


Amara_Undone

24 hours notice for a party? That's ridiculous, I give people at least a month's notice because I know the world doesn't revolve around me. YTA.


Negative_Patient1974

YTA girl this is a whole mess- and at 20 years old, my guess is you’re going to look back on this post with major embarrassment in a few years. Clearly you’ve got some big unresolved feelings for your friend- address them, or you will continue to act out. Your behavior is in no way appropriate, and you will continue to lose friendships acting this way.


ppl_n_r_neighborhood

Lol you’re a “nice girl”, YTA and you’re out of touch with reality if you think anyone would choose a controlling jealous “friend” over a supportive loving partner.


disruptiveteen

YTA. lmao this is why so many people don’t deal with “girl best friends”. you also give major home wrecker vibes. you don’t own him sis, idk why ur even mad bc he’s not ur boyfriend. smh.


asilemara

YTA, you are acting like you are his gf, are you five or inlove with this guy?


NancyNuggets

YTA you should have told your friend you're into him while he was single. Now you just seem bitter and jealous.


Downwithmodz

YTA. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. Your behavior is not how friends act. You are jealous, immature, and just sad. Leave this man alone and let him build a life with the woman he chooses.


nyoonyoonyanya

YTA, your edit... Girl go seek a professional's help, it's not healthy to feel this way


cheeezncrackers

> Also I don't care if he dates. I just don't want his attention to be on another woman rather than me. oooooh you are toxic!!! keep this up and you're not just gonna be second in his life, you'll be out of his life completely. YTA


AsleepHistorian

This has to be fake. No person is this insane. YTA.


Pissedliberalgranny

Holy Christ that’s a lot to unpack. First: YTA YTA YTA Actually, I’m not going to bother unpacking anything else about this as I’m pretty sure most of the other Redditers will do that. Holy Christ! 😮 Granny


shownusmilf

>I am a woman, 20 years old Ah, so THERES the problem. >Also I don't care if he dates. >I just don't want his attention to be on another woman rather than me. Both of these things can’t be happening at the same time op and you know it >I'll be here after he dumps her or she dumps him. I'll be here always before and after any other woman. I'll support him, be his shoulder to cry on. No other woman would support him and know him as well as I do. And it's hurtful he won't see that. Are you his mother or his jilted lover? Cause it kinda sounding like both >I don't want to date him. I am not in love with him and I mean it. …….whatever you say op >I just don't want to be second to him. Girl honestly at this point just admit that you’re in love w him and jealous


TayLou33

YTA Why didn't you just straight up tell him you're in love with him before he started dating her... Stop trying to split them up Why can't you just be happy that he's happy ffs!


Invisibleamber

Yta You need to accept that the women he could potentially build a life with is going to be his first priority. She could potentially be his wife and the mother of his children, she will always come first. As his friend you should support him and be happy for him. Your jealous is going to destroy your relationship. The examples of him “choosing her” over you are completely understandable. You gave a super last minute invite to your party and the other time his girlfriend was in the hospital. It sounds like you should maybe go to therapy, this way of thinking isn’t normal or healthy.


omgitskristinlol

Oh honey. No. YTA. You’re young still but you need to learn that this is not the way the world works. Relationships are a balance and his girlfriend comes before you. If they get married, she will definitely come before you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he drops you as a friend because it seems like you aren’t a very good one. If they break up ever, I wouldn’t expect him to come back to you. You’ve shown your selfish true colors.


MotherofDog_

Wtf did I just read and why


eThotExpress

YTA pick me, choose me. You’re the worst kind of person.


Lucky-Odds-2023

YTA, quite badly so. And frankly, your behavior is kind of scary possessive and jealous. You do not get to decide for him who he spends time with, when he does so, and for how long. That's just all out insane to think you have any say in that. Also, families meeting each other is a big deal, meaning they're getting quite serious. The girlfriend is likely here to stay for a good while, perhaps permanently. So you either accept the change, and readjust your attitude (rigorously), or be prepared to loose him altogether, because this behavior will lead to that.


DeadInside094

YTA - you fucking weirdo


NotSoBunny

YTA a controlling one. He really is asking for normal boundaries and you are going off the deep end. Get help my man, you are crazy obsessed with this dude. Nothing about your expectations or your actions are reasonable or sane.


Finding-Miserable

YTA AND THE SIMP


emmp000

YTA ffs.


AdmiralDeathrain

YTA and good lord that was a cringe move to pull!


Aggressive-Sample612

YTA. You seriously sound like you are in love with him.


Pretty-Ad2759

YOU ARE IN THE WRONG HERE! By your own admission he has not dropped your friendship completely but HAS prioritized his girlfriend & their relationship…. That’s how adult relationships work; gf,bf,husband,wife,kids…… those relationships are going to take precedence over a friendship, even best-friends ESPECIALLY if you can’t get onboard with him having an intimate relationship with someone other than you. Sorry


thepyrodex

Yta Your friend put those boundaries because you think youre his spouse You’re not. You are obsessed and don’t deserve him.


McKimboSlice

YTA. You sound like a jealous child.


Primary_Interest_1

YTA. This is faaaaake


mikevilla1222

>am not in love with him and I mean it. I just don't want to be second to him. It you don't love him, don't want to date him then why are you upset that he's putting his girlfriend first? YTA


Astral_Writer

You’re definitely in the wrong here, especially after the edit. There is so much wrong with this post that I’m not even sure where to begin. If you keep this behavior up, just expect him and others to start cutting you out of their lives. If you truly cared about him and supported him, you’d be happy that he found a woman who loves him. The fact that you’re angry he chose his HOSPITALIZED GIRLFRIEND over a football game is heartless and appalling.


AllyisntFair

Bro this has to be fake. There's so much that just reads as one of those exaggerated old tumblr posts. No matter how pick me you are, you don't post about "boys night" and "the boys groupchat" and your friend "claiming" he loves another girl. Even the worst pick me's know what they are and wouldn't post this on reddit, or anywhere.


crxstophe

YTA you fucken pick me. You’re not entitled to his attention 24/7. If you liked the guy, you should’ve talked to him before he got a gf. Now settle down and behave.


Dizyupthegirl

YTA and after seeing your edit it’s even creepier. If I was your “best friend” I’d be completely ending this friendship permanently.


saltybeesea

Honesty this all sounds so made up and if it isn’t you need professional help because you’re incredibly controlling and possessive. He’s a grown ass man living his life and doesn’t need your permission to live it. I hope he realizes how toxic you are and cuts you out of his live before you do any real damage to it


Poprock077

YTA and possibly a stalker in the making. His attention dosen't have to be on you 24/7 nor does he own you anything just because you been there


Rikukitsune

"Also I don't care if he dates" We determined that to be a lie. Either you're in love with him, or you view him less as a person and more of a possession. You're being toxic and awful either way OP. YTA.


of_gold_

YTA. Fuck… you need help.


SweetAndSourPickles

YTA. What the FUCK is that edit. Your a jealous b*tch, and you’d be lucky if he didn’t cut you off immediately. Get your crap together and realize he’s an adult with his own life that doesn’t revolve around your rude, invasive attitude. And no, this wouldn’t change if you were a man, it’s just clear your actions are jealousy based since you wanted him but he didn’t want you like that so he found someone else.


Master_Post4665

Your edit screams “crazy lady.” You can deny it all you want, but you want him for yourself. No one ever puts a friend first over their SO. And they shouldn’t if the relationship is healthy.


Recovering_dreame

YTA. You sprang a party on him last minute, on a Sunday, and got mad that he wouldn’t move two families worth of people’s schedules around with two days notice because of your poor planning? Nope. YTA. And you DO need to stay in your lane, or he will drop you, regardless of whether or not he stays with his current gf.


Still-Contest-980

You’re such a pick me girl. Get over your entitlement, your friend deserves better. YTA


TowerRavens

How old are you? YTA.


Ok_Soil8023

YTA Massively I'm assuming your only a teenager so I won't be too harsh, but come on you've got a lot of maturing to do. This is life. You need to apologise or you will likely lose your friend forever


Beolona

YTA it sucks he does not spent that much time with you anymore but this is way to extreem....


AnnieJack

YTA, so much.


sllimaraik_sllim

YTA. Massively. You have a really unhealthy perspective about friendship. You need to understand and respect boundaries. You’re jealous and not being a good friend to him.


oreocerealluvr

YTA you need some serious mental help


QuietestDesperations

YTA. Potential life partner takes priority.


ambamshazam

With that stunt you pulled in the video chat, essentially trying to p*ss on him and mark your territory, guarantee you’ve earned and sped up the exiting stage left from his life. You just put up a bright red banner letting both him and his gf know that you are carrying a major torch for this guy and I’m going to guess he’s no longer going to feel comfortable spending any time with you and nor is his gf. At this point, he’s going to choose his gf bc you are NOT a friend and you made that very clear. Just a girl waiting in the wings wasting her time YTA


Prettylittlejedi

So let me get this straight. The only person(s) who can come before you are his future children? You sound insufferable and a little out of touch with reality. The thing you can’t seem to grasp is that this guy is now in a partnership with this person, she is his partner. Not you. You’re just a friend. That’s it. It’s also absurd to think that you’ll even be friends with him in the same capacity you are now in even 5 years. The most likely scenario is you’ll slowly fade from his life, till neither of them even think about you unless someone else brings you up. They may break up, but he won’t go crying to you, because you’ve shown him that you’re not capable of supporting him. Go out and live your life and stop trying to control this man’s, he sounds like he has a handle on things all on his own.


cryptidallycat

ah the “i’m not like other girls” girl. the one who hangs out with guys to avoid girl drama. look at the drama you’ve made. you can’t be happy for your friend establishing a relationship with someone he cares for? he’s meeting this girls parents, this is SERIOUS stuff. and it happens! the relationship is priority for him because he has to put work into it. if you were really his good friend you would understand that. it sucks he’s not seeing you that much but you’re also not entitled to spending every waking moment with him. idk if you think you’re the center of this guys universe or if you’re in love with him, but HE IS DATING SOMEONE ELSE. you need to respect that and back off. YTA. i can’t believe you said what you said to his and his girl friends face


Aquaticfilly0

Hang on, you want him to prioritize you before a wife? What is wrong with you? I hope he goes NC with you. Yta


Pineapplepower91

You are like fifth on his priority list. Himself, his girlfriend, and his entire family come before you. Maybe make some other friends and date? You are way, way off and have a very immature view of “friends”. YTA


Grumpasaur_Rex

YTA Especially after reading the edit and comments. Look, you just painted yourself into a giant red flag. You want him to break up with her so he can go back to you? That’s not going to happen, especially after your out burst on video chat. You just showed him your possessiveness and toxic behavior. After that, he’s probably going to start cutting contact with you, I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t hear back from him again. His GF isn’t the problem, you are.


Commercial-Plan-9341

Should’ve asked him out when you had the chance sounds like YTA


freakyjaz

YTA TOTALLY Grow tfu. You’ll be lucky if he ever considers you an actual friend in the future. Are you 17? WTF.


Fritemare

YTA. Stop being jealous that your friend is in a relationship.


wannabecersei

Wow! Of course you are TA. The entitlement and delusion is strong with this one.


unacknowledged_

YTA and delusional. Your life is sad. Make yourself a new one.


ladidum

Yta. You’re that kind of ‘friend’ who’ll try to put another person’s partner ‘in line’ for no rhyme or reason. “I’m just first in his life” is like you telling someone they have to give you the last box of cereal because “I stepped into Walmart first”


mywordsarestars

YTA why on earth would you be the first priority in his life? The entitlement is off the charts


goregoddess75

YTA. You're so jealous its ridiculous. Just admit you're in love with him, then get counseling. You need to get over this. You'll never be his girlfriend, & I doubt you were his best friend. More like a f**k buddy. You seriously need counseling & to grow up.


Odd_Woodpecker_8956

Lmao YTA you're so in love with him it's pathetic.