UPDATE: AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra?

UPDATE: AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra?


**Remember that time when the original post required a warning for too many insults being left? Pepperidge Farms remembers…** #[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means. Any violations will result in a ban.


Well done. I’m glad he had his ass given back to him. He had no place talking to you like that. Who the hell does he think he is? His opinion isn’t important like he thinks. You shouldn’t have too but it was well worth recording your sessions. Keep kicking ass.


Oh, but he just wanted to HELP! God knows women know absolutely nothing about bras, certainly not as much as that random man. /s Yah, that was a satisfying read. And, even if you started wearing bras again (no judgment there, I know I couldn't not wear them), I'm glad it wasn't for him! You do whatever's right for you, and ignore nosy assholes like him.


Pfft a guy mansplaining bras. That's a new one 😂


I know. If he thinks a bra fixes form, why isn’t he wearing one?


In the original post when he said her bra-less state was ruining her balance I snorted out loud. What a fucking creep, and then he has the audacity to ask for her social media?!


Guys like that can't keep track of all the women they act creepy around (act creepily?). He has a vague memory of OP in the context of "women I creeped out about their nipples and/or bras", but he can't recall how his previous encounter with any specific random nips played out. He doesn't care how OP glares at him, creepers gonna creep. This type needed a more personal experience for him to notice the consequences, and I'm glad OP was able to help him out (of the gym! ba dum bum)


That is what really creeped me out! “Your nipples are disturbing me,” because I can’t keep my eyes from ogling people at the gym who aren’t there to be ogled. I say something incredibly inappropriate, get yelled at by her and a few weeks later ask for her IG because everything I’ve done/ said so far is ok, helpful even! Ugh, such a lack of self-awareness and ability to respect others. And grow or think about why his behavior caused someone to SCREAM at him at the gym. (The screaming both times was spot on, OP.) This shit is so terrifying. I’m so glad the gym had your back, but I kind of wished they’ed bounced him permanently. Creep.


Right? OP was so satisfyingly savage and I enjoyed every second of it


Same, that was a delicious read.


Duh guys wear weight belts to fix their form and women wear bras to fix theirs. Everyone knows that /s


Should have seen Victorian women in their corsets. Talk about form. Great Great Grandma could deadlift 200lbs without breaking a sweat (Joking, of course)


>Great Great Grandma could deadlift 200lbs without breaking a sweat ...And that was just last Thursday. Great Great Grandpa fell asleep on the couch again, so she carried him off to bed, 'cuz she doesn't like to sleep alone.


It's a bro! Maybe a mansierre!




right? Like what kind of message is he sending with those pecs? He should cover it up. Improve his form, right?


I have seen man mansplaining vaginas to a woman who happened to be a renowned gynecologist. He was telling how word “vulva” is wrong and correct word is “vagina”. After he was told he’s wrong, he came back with a multi-page “thesis” he wrote where he explained why he was right. [I’m not](https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/man-tries-to-explain-what-a-vagina-is-to-a-gynaecologist-it-does-not-go-well/amp.html) fucking [kidding!](https://docs.google.com/document/d/12fURPSpNGeQxE09cVIoZgYaysUzGtyIuMQS1MERuXKo/mobilebasic)


Oh man, that's just weird. His Twitter is currently filled with covidiot and trumpwon nonsense, which isn't a surprise I guess. Oh fuck, he has a *website*, with his *resume*. It's. Fucking. GOLD. >Talent and skill profile >Superior ability to make sense of written works, anticipate difficulties readers will face, and make necessary changes. Based on three strengths: >Language: Exceptional facility with English language, enhanced by a knowledge of foreign languages. >→ Solve problems of grammar, usage, style, diction, punctuation, spelling, etc. >Logic: Innate talent, refined by academic training, for discerning what is and is not coherent. >→ Solve problems of general argument and specific formulation. >Substance: Knowledge of many subjects with capacity for quick expansion as needed. >→ Solve problems of subject-matter understanding and factual claim.


"Knowledge of foreign languages" sounds like he literally just knows of other languages and wants to put it in a way favourable to him.


*writes CV* I have knowledge of at least 40 languages


Doesn't mean he speaks those other languages - just that he has 'knowledge' of them. Like, he knows they exist. And they have words. Bigly foreign words.


>Language: Exceptional facility with English language, enhanced by a knowledge of foreign languages. Being able to order a Big Mac with a different accent isn't knowledge of foreign languages...


I was thinking even lower. Like, "I know that at least 40 languages exist, and I've used google translate to tell people 'I did your mom last night' on on IRC in most of them."


Reading that was like pushing a well-oiled cart through wet sand, and also like chewing wet sand, and I love that you shared it


>Exceptional facility Is he using exceptional facility correctly here? I'm not a native speaker, but this just sounds wrong. Like someone using big words to describe a simple concept and then using the big words wrong?


I think its correct, but yeah, the flowery language is superfluous. I've always figured it's better to state things plainly on a resume: "Skilled at English" - and then its clear how useless of a statement that is, so you just don't write it at all.




That's entirely too many points just to say he can't read his one known language very well...


Omg he's truly insufferable.


That was excruciating to read. What an imbecile.


Dude I have read instances about men mansplaining pregnancies


I once had a conversation (a very disturbing one) where my gay neighbor interrupted me after he asked me why I wouldn’t be willing to consider being a surrogate (I’m currently pregnant, and he wants kids...) and stated “yeah I can see you’d just get too attached!” Uh, no. Pregnancy is really unpleasant, not to mention dangerous, and the only people I’m willing to put myself through that for are my husband and I. You and your entitlement to my body can fuck off.


WTF, the audacity.


Yeaaaaah. It was a very, very weird feeling to have my body objectified not for sex (which sadly women are used to at this point, though they shouldn’t be) but for its capacity to carry and birth a child. It left me feeling *very* icky.


I’m so sorry you experienced that. Currently pregnant and hating just about every minute of it. Without a doubt the most physically taxing thing I’ve ever experienced. There’s a reason they pay surrogates handsomely.


Dude I am at 39 weeks and I am sooooooo dooooooone. Get. This. Kid. Out. 😂


Soon!!! I’m right there with you. I had OB today and they asked if I just wanted to plan a c section because this kid is flipping huge. Words cannot express my desire to get him out. I’m scared of a C, so we’ll stick with scheduled induction for now. But we’ll see how I feel if she asks me next week. Good luck! Wishing you a safe and smooth delivery.


I hope you have a healthy baby! Take care


Dude they'll mansplain periods, boobs, pregnancy, menopause... some men just genuinely think they know everything about everything. It's ridiculous.


I get migraines due to my period, and I’ve had male friends try to tell me I’m not preventing/treating them right It’s kind of funny, honestly


There was the dad on AITA who was mad at his ex for letting their daughter wear period panties and there was so much mansplaining it was hilarious. Like “they’re only to be used with a tampon” …I was literally wearing a pair as my only protection as I was reading the thread.


I didn't pay $200 for seven pairs of specially designed period underwear so I could continue to deal with the "insert-and-remove-collection-item" bullshit, thank you very much!


I have long cycles too. Those women that only get 3-5 days sound like magical unicorns to me.


I'm usually 5, but I got a couple "hedge pairs", so I'd only have to hog the washing machine for my "delicates" once per month. LOL It's worked out great so far! Now if I could get my husband on board with the Disks...


Oh my god, I had one male coworker who was absolutely ADAMANT that aromatherapy was the answer for my migraines. Like he would not shut the fuck up about local unfiltered honey (for allergies) and fucking peppermint oil extract. No matter how many times I told him that I have EXTREME issues with smell when I have migraines, it didn't matter. Every time he even thought I had a headache he'd start in again about had I gotten peppermint oil yet? I honestly wanted to slap him by the time I moved to a different team


This dude was telling me that caffeine is bad for migraines, and trying to tell me off for drinking a coffee as soon as I feel one coming on Which is the exact opposite of true (for me). Caffeine is better than most painkillers, and the only thing that will help a migraine is the Tylenol/paracetamol that has a lot of caffeine in it


I was going to say, it can be a trigger *for some people* but basically EVERY OTC migraine medicine has caffeine built right in. Even the "extreme headache" ones do too usually, I think maybe just a little less. I've had some really dumb migraine suggestions over the years.


I had a man try to explain female orgasms to me once. Spoiler alert: he had never been near a woman having an orgasm, despite what he may have thought.


I had a man tell me that women didn't *have* orgasms. Ever. As a woman and a lesbian, you can imagine what a surprise that was to me.


Wasn't that actually believed by a lot of doctors a couple centuries ago? Like common medical knowledge was that women didn't orgasm?


Oh probably. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if it was more recent than that too.


I think they changed their minds quite quickly, by the 1800's, orgasms were being prescribed by doctors to cure what they called 'female hysteria' 😂😂


Did you talk to Ben Shapiro by any chance ?


Wait til you have one mansplaining your period…


Had a dude try to mansplain wearing heels to me, while I was on-top of an aircraft terminating wires where the only shoes we wear are safety toes. I don’t even know where the fuck he came from with that.


Maybe he wears stiletto heels and dances in front of a mirror in his down time?




Honestly I would love some notes on that.


Sometimes when the man sees the chance to change your life with some mansplaining, he can’t fight the urge!


Can confirm. Have had my pregnancy mansplained more than once.


> Finally, he says something like "see your form is so much better now that you're wearing a bra." Omg I’m dying


Well, I sometimes wear suspenders, and they're kinda bra-adjacent, right? I reckon that about makes me an expert on the topic. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go beat Serena Williams in Tennis and show Ronda Rousey some of my sick home-made wrestling moves that are guaranteed to knock her on her ass!


I once had a guy mansplain vaginas to me. That women can’t tell the difference between a condom and no condom and it feels the same for all women.


Once had a guy try to mansplain makeup to table full of girls. Claimed his expertise was from his years in theater and doing stage makeup 🤣


he knows about as much about bras as he does about deadlifting


If you think that's new then I am genuinely envious of you not having to deal with as many insufferable men as I've seen lmao


Well even the least knowledgeable woman still knows more than any man especially when they don't wear one.


Asshole has probably watched too many pornos where creepy comments about a women's clothing results in her removing it.


PREACH. I mean, really? What the heck was he thinking?!


Oh, oh, oh, but he was *only trying to help!* of COURSE he helps the male patrons too, by advising them what sort of clothing will secure their balls and fix their squats 🙄 thank God OP had the camera going.


LMAO Right?? Without that, justice would have not been served. He probably saw the fact that she was wearing a bra as an invitation to talk, since she OBVIOUSLY listened to him after she chewed him out the first time. 🙄 I am so tired of people like this. Mind your damn business.


He wasn't. But his dick was. Some guys seem to think they can do whatever they want to make their dick happy - that makes it okay.


I can’t stand that crap. Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’re entitled to them.


This actually read disturbingly similar as some red-piled alpha-chode pick-up artist. The negging, the "I was just looking out for you" bullshit. I'd bet money this dude has watched through a Jordan Peterson lecture.


There is nothing on earth quite so powerful as the self important confidence of a mediocre white man.


This happens a *LOT* for people who work out even semi-regularly in their daily lives, women get the double whammy of also experiencing it at the gym.


LOVE THIS. Also wtf, he criticizes you and then asks for your insta? Asshole.


Negging be like


My first thought exactly. He's hoping she'll be the next lucky gal to date him and put up with his abuse.


"If I break her down juuuuust enough she might be desperate enough to put up with my abuse" is 100% a tactic of predators


I hadn't thought of this before, but maybe he took a PUA workshop.


Reading that almost made my head explode. The audacity of some people.


"Ugh, these damn females are just too uptight! Who wouldn't want to go out with a guy like me?"


Pickupers think they can score if they offend woman and put her down, but then let her rehabilitate her dignity by inviting same woman for a date and therefore showing, that woman doesn't suck completely and should be grateful for a chance


he is an incel


Re critize then insta: 99% certain that man's a narcissist.


You've done a good thing and I'm sorry you had to personally take the hit for the rest of us. I don't even pull sumo but find what he said rage inducing!


Same. A gym is supposed to be a safe place to work on yourself, if sumo works best for you than you should just do sumo. If you have to make it into a competition, there’s organized competitions for that. Ugh.


Yeah sumo literally works better for people with wide hips and longer limbs. Why is it that just because men tend to favour one particular style because they have narrower hips, it is the only "real" or "legit" form of deadlift. Ugh, makes me so mad.


Not to mention sometimes people need to modify or do a certain type of lift due to injury.


As a guy that didn't work out and didn't even know what sumo is I don't see how anything can be cheating unless you are in a competition and there are rules. Anything you are doing to exercise to improve your health, or just for enjoyment, as long as it works for you and makes you happy seems to be the right way to do it.


I'm a powerlifter and funnily enough, both conventional and sumo styles are allowed in competition. An argument I've actually heard against sumo (which I do) is "it doesn't look as cool". Seriously.


This is why i prefer sumo. Regular deadlift is too rough on my lower back no matter how i adjust my form, its just my body ratio.


Man here. Been in the gym for years and I'm just now learning sumo - and I love it! I love how the lift starts slow off the floor and finishes fast - fast enough that the bar gets a little bit of a bendy bounce at lockout. Also, the toes out stance makes my legs look bigger in the mirror :D


Men are addicted to nothing more than being the default.


As a man this comment is really making me think. Helping me to look towards a healthier, more realistic worldview. Thank you!




I know you didn’t ask, but there’s a really cool book called Invisible Women about the myriad ways in which men are the default and how women are harmed by this presumption. It’s really eye-opening and I’d recommend it if you want to explore the phenomenon more broadly.


This is brilliant may I copy in all my convos from here on out


Also, plenty of women do sumo to sculpt a particular (and very in trend) body type. Its not cheating. It’s literally doing the beet exercise to achieve a particular aesthetic which despite what some may tell you, is a huge reason why we go to the gym. To look and feel good.


I have to ask, ignoring the reason why they do it, does it matter if it's 'cheating' anyway? Who the hell cares? They're not going for the olympics. As long as your form isn't going to cause you immediate or long term damage to your posture, muscles, bones, etc. does it matter how you exercise? It's like saying pushups against a wall or on your knees is 'cheating'.


What's the difference between the muscles worked for standard and sumo?


Sumo puts the lift a bit more into your legs rather than your lower back. My trainer has me do sumo to help engage my glutes cause they like to slack off. It also helps to train the body to open out through the lift. With a regular deadlift you can sort of cheat your way through all hunched up but with sumo you just can’t do that at all


Quite right. Sumo DL work the VMO, which I personally use to stop my kneecaps tracking. Lots of reasons to do that particular movement.


Seriously. I had to switch to sumo when I was pregnant to make room for the belly, and found it challenging in a different way! No movement is “cheating”. A forearm plank is still a plank. Sumo deadlifts are still deadlifts. It’s just a different form.


Definitely. Also, I can't stand in the typical way to make a deadlift work properly, shape of my hip joints, or damage i've done to myself in the past, I don't know, but doing sumo style doesn't cause nearly as much stiffness and weird semi-painful movement in my hip joint the next day if I've done a heavy lift. Edit: Typo


> No movement is “cheating”. This is truth written in stone by gods. Every day is different, every body is different.


Bodybuilding dudes will say sumo is cheating but then go and use their entire body for a bicep "curl"


not a gym-goer, so can anyone please explain to me what "pull a sumo" means? I suppose it is not about lifting up a Japanese wrestler ;)


"Pull" is jargon for deadlift. People will sometimes ask, "How much do you pull?" [For a sumo deadlift, you put your hands between your legs instead of outside them.](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2f/95/78/2f957861d8c310616b9a048a28c04c9d.jpg) That usually means you end up spreading your feet pretty far apart and squatting down to reach the bar, [like a sumo wrestler.](https://static.standard.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2017/11/29/08/gettyimages-631057126.jpg)


Thank you!


Hell, Im a male paramedic and I deadlift sumo because it most closely resembles lifting a stretcher.


That makes sense! Just be sure to wear your emotional support bra so your nipples don't go rogue and put someone's eye out... or worse. Nipples are meant to be swaddled, not seen, and if you neglect them, there's a 69% chance they will turn on your Cooper's ligaments, violently tearing through them with great fervor and previously dormant telekinetic abilities, and you really don't want that. Seen it a million times in my line of work, and it isn't pretty.


Sumo hate is from folks who spend too much time overanalyzing everything. You get the weight up, you get the weight up. It's even legal in competition. It's not like OP laid on the sofa and used a robot to lift the weight.


Watch out for this creep outside the gym. Never know if he’s lurking around. :/


I _hate_ that the victims of harassment have to worry more about consequences than the perpetrators.


I was an RA back in college. I was in the quiet dorm, but had a major alcohol bust a few weeks into the job. I’m talking about $200 worth of alcohol for two guys poured right down the sink. This was also their last warning before being kicked out of college. They had run out of opportunities to fuck up. I am only 5’2, and one of them tried to square up with me, but drunk guy #2 pulled him back. About a week later, I’m heading out to my car after dark, but I hear some VERY heavy footsteps about 15 feet behind me. I turn and the guy who tried to fight me was following me out of the building. I was thankfully parked super close, and ran to my car and hightailed it out of there. As I drove off, I saw he had a pocket knife in his hand. He turned to go back into the dorm. I first called my boss who lived on site to alert him to the situation, then called our direct lines to the campus resource officer (small town, he was part of the local police department, but served as head of security to the campus). He was arrested, kicked out of college, kicked off campus, and as far as I knew had to move back home. No charges were pressed since he didn’t actually *do* anything, but I am fully convinced that he would have killed me that night if I hadn’t heard him behind me. All that for a fucking alcohol violation.


Jesus... I'm so glad you're ok. And I can't believe I have to say this, but I'm glad they believed you.


Thank you! I was very VERY lucky I had an amazing boss and higher ups that took it seriously. However, a few things played into my favor that shouldn’t have affected the treatment I got, but I know it did. 1) my mother also went to that college and kept her connections there. Again, super small town and college. Everyone knows everybody. 2) my dad is a police officer who was friends with a majority of the police force for a while, and had also recently taught active shooter training to the officers there. They knew who I was, and knew there would be hell to pay for not following up. 3) this guy had a record with the school. There were enough strikes against him to kick him out easily. I know I was extremely lucky in this incident. I have also been forced to stay in situations that could have ended very badly because of incompetent bosses. My first year teaching, one of my high schoolers threatened rape, bodily harm, cutting my break lines, slashing tires, etc. He knew where I lived, he knew exactly which car was mine. I reported it to administration multiple times, but they refused to remove him from my class. I was told “if you can’t handle yourself with a freshman, you shouldn’t be teaching.” I moved all the way across the state the day after school was out.


>I was told “if you can’t handle yourself with a freshman, you shouldn’t be teaching.” I hope you eventually reported that person. That's disgusting.


HAH! Reported to who? The superintendent? He didn’t give a fuck either. The local police department laughed in my face for trying to report a child abandonment because my downstairs neighbors left their toddler alone for FOUR HOURS. Imagine trying to report a teenager harassing you. That was the most backwards, screwed up town I had ever been a part of. If I had reported anything, I would have been run out of town. I swear, a horror movie could have been made about that place. The (male) teacher next door was aware of what was going on, and was keeping an eye on me and what was going on. My ldr boyfriend and I would spend weekends together, mostly me visiting him just to get out of there, so I was safe on weekends. I also had a roommate, so I wasn’t ever alone. I was absolutely terrified, but never alone.


Yeah, I was thinking like... school board, but it doesn't sound like logic lives in that town anyway. Thank god you're out of there. I hope you're in a safe place now! And I hope the then-toddler is too, gah! Unfortunately I just had the police practically laugh in my face last night when a homeless guy threatened to kill me, so that shocks me exactly zero %, but at least I'm an adult.


I’m in a big city, stay in at night, and bring my dogs everywhere I can. I feel a hell of a lot safer here than I ever did there. And I really hope that baby is ok. I had one of their older children as a student of mine and had a heart to heart with her the night before I left. It was a bit frank since I was no longer her teacher, but I hope it sank in and she is being a bit more responsible since her parents obviously can’t be. My roommate worked with these same types of families and kids and was working on doing what she could to help as well, but we lost touch.


>one of my high schoolers threatened rape, bodily harm, cutting my break lines, slashing tires, etc. Hey, I know the US education system is fucked up*, but what the hell???* Did they just outright ignore it/expect you to deal with it? Sounds like they're just writing it off as "hahaha, boys will be boys" or "oh it was just a prank" behaviour.


That is exactly what they expected me to do.


That is so terrifying I am so sorry that happened to you!!!!! Very glad you got out safely, I’m so so sorry 😔


Thank you! I always carried pepper spray, but thank god I was able to get out of there instead. This guy was about a foot taller than me and was around 100 lbs heavier. I don’t think I would have been able to fight him off, pepper spray or not. I am very aware of how lucky I was in that situation. Both that I got out and that action had been swift.


I completely agree. Honestly it's not fair but I'd consider switching routines or always leaving in a group/something sharp between my fingers.


lol sumo is cheating? sumo focuses on different areas in a greater manner than conventional.


Unless you're training for powerlifting, do whatever hip dominant exercise works for you. If you really think somebody is doing something dangerous in the gym let the staff know. Otherwise STFU.


What is sumo?


For a traditional deadlift, you should have your feet roughly in line with your shoulders, and grip the bar either side of your legs. For a sumo deadlift, you stand with a wide stance, and hold the bar in between your legs. Neither is better than the other, they just target different areas. Personally, I like to rotate between normal/sumo/Romanian deadlifts each week so that I hit every area.


What an idiot. He knew you were taping and could easily verify that he was harassing you. Good for you for telling him off.


Ah but he wasn’t harassing OP he was helping /s


That’s the frustrating part, these dudes really don’t think they’re doing anything wrong, so of course why would he hide that behavior in front of a camera? Apparently any male attention should be taken as a compliment.


Except if some dude did the exact same thing to them, they’d be pissed off too and they know it


So so true


Unfortunately this is the kind of society being made today. This guy is going to go home and complain about women, then someone’s going to say they are too sensitive, then move on to saying snowflake, then move on to bashing women completely. Eventually the worst will happen


I mean, misogyny is nothing new


No, but you hate to see how they’ve optimized the process of radicalization


What you described is by no means a recent phenomenon. Some variant of this has been going on through recorded history.


It's not that guys don't think their behavior is bad per se, it's that they think they should get away with a certain level of bad behavior whenever they feel like it. That's why so many of them whine about how "unfair" it is when they actually receive consequences. In their minds, "fairness" means they get to be a fucking asshole, and everyone else just deals with it unless it's provably illegal and punishable. (And even then...)


OP, I just want you to know this has been an ongoing joke in my house with my fiance since you posted your OP. I read it to my fiance(who lifts, is male, and is a feminist, also has a brain) and he died laughing about us women having balance issues because we don't wear bras. I constantly am braless and now we joke about how I'll topple over with my bra on😂 super happy you got him banned for 30 days, but please be careful/aware leaving the gym while he is banned. Some guys get revenge and are legit creeps who will get violent. Stay safe.


I'm not even trying to be funny, but I had a friend and coworker (army) that was...well, lets be honest..."top heavy". I had known her for a long time, as we were stationed together before, and when I worked at a different duty station she was sent there too a bit later. I had been promoted a little faster than her, but mostly by the virtue that I had a BFA degree, which counts for promotion availability in the army. Even in uniform it was obvious she had, well, impressive "ones". But she was my 2nd in command of my section so I had to make it known to the male soldiers that any kind of remarks, misogny or jokes would be considered sexual harrassment. Yeah, young guys will be guys, but they didn't stare at her or make remarks about her appearance. At least, not in front of either of us. Some butterbar leiutenant needed something and was asking her about the technical details but he was staring directly at her chest the whole time. Every few seconds she would say "I'm UP HERE, SIR." to get him to look at her face. I heard her say this at least five times. I won't lie...the first time it was kind of amusing. I could see his eyes drift from her face right to her chest. Heck, I was afraid he was going to turn into a Tex Avery Cartoon Wolf. This went on for so long I had to intervene. I took the butterbar aside and got the tech info we needed but I told him "Sir, if you can't stop staring like try just looking at the top of her head when you have to interact with her." I mean, I got it, she very attractive but don't stare like that. It's rude and while I understand how her appearance affected guys I couldn't let this go on. She was a good soldier and valued her as my friend and backup on the job because she knew her job and she was damned good at it. I'd say that no matter what she looked like. Yeah, that sounds bad, probably makes me an asshole to a lot of women, but I'm a guy too, and I know how sometimes the little head overrides the big head. And a butterbar lieutenant is like a private just with a little authority. But then the butterbar says "I understand, sergeant, but she's just...big!" (I think he expected me to be like "Yeah bro!". I didn't. I was married and my wife got out of the military shortly after we got married and she would tell me about how things like this happened to her and how it infuriated her.) So I had to say "Sir, you realize she's not only a fellow soldier, she's a PERSON. She's not a piece of meat. She's also my subordinate so I'll back her on any sexual harrassment issues if she feels she needs to bring it up." I think he got the message. Because my friend knew she could come to me if it was a problem going down the line of what the butterbar needed. I don't know if I articulated this well. Maybe I am no better than he was in some eyes. I just don't think its funny or cool to do that to women.


>she's not only a fellow soldier, she's a PERSON. She's not a piece of meat. These words were refreshing to read. Thank you fellow human <3


>So I had to say "Sir, you realize she's not only a fellow soldier, she's a PERSON. She's not a piece of meat. She's also my subordinate so I'll back her on any sexual harrassment issues if she feels she needs to bring it up." Thank you. You are being the change society needs. I'm just some random woman hippy, but on behalf of every woman who has faced this type of harassment, I want to let you know it is very appreciated. Maybe we need to have that tattooed on the foreheads of people who still can't understand: "she's a **person**. She's **not a piece of meat**."


I'd say you don't need to thank me. I would like to think that's HOW people should act. But I appreciate the thanks.


>I'd say you don't need to thank me. I would like to think that's HOW people should act. But I appreciate the thanks. You're welcome. Quite frankly, I absolutely agree with you. I also need to thank you because you helped me realize something. I lost my mom when I was young (7.5) so my dad was just, very protective of me while he was still living. So many times he would tell me, for lack of better explanation, 'how the male brain works' if not thru actually sitting me down and explaining things, just seeing a lot of things thru his eyes. I never even bothered to date many guys (I'm a girl, btw, I feel like that's relevant if you haven't already figured that out) over the years until I met my husband, because I just knew they weren't going to be a guy I wanted to build a future with. It needed to be a guy who *didn't treat me like a piece of meat* and who would actively stand up against that kind of bullshit behavior. When I started getting to know my now husband, I knew he would be the right kind of person. I always liked to think my dad gave me one hell of a bullshit detector, but you've really helped nail the depth of it. Thanks again!


Forgive me if this comes off as a little pessimistic, but with the way things are going right now... basic human decency seems like a rare and precious virtue. Stories like these help, and for that I personally also thank you.


Someone should have crouched down and stared at his crouch instead while they were talking to him, and then when asked why later, just say "But sergeant, he's just... so SMALL! Really amazing how there's no bulge at all!!!"


> Sometimes the little head overrides the big head This narrative needs to stop. It is _not true_ that men can’t control themselves. They just don’t feel the need to because they’ve been told this since they were 12. I’m sorry dude to rain on your parade but your behavior in this story is the _bare minimum_ to be a decent human being. I don’t understand why everyone feels the need to throw cookies at you like you’re a feminist hero.


Fuck, thank you! I was reading all the praise and couldn't understand it. This is just as equally sexist. Reminds me of the Scrubs episode 'My tormented mentor'.


Good on you!


So THAT’S why my balance is so bad! I guess I need reduction surgery after all!


I can't believe he had the nerve to bother you again after last time! Very glad you were recording and there were consequences for his actions. I doubt you were the only one he's been harassing there too.


I’m so annoyed for you that the only reason why you were given legitimacy is because you had video. I’d be taking it a step further and asking for permanent, specific hours where the member is unable to attend because he made it a hostile space for you. Knowing he’s been told not to approach you is not good enough; he will definitely make you feel uncomfortable with his leering upon his return.


I completely agree. A 30 day ban seems really light for what he did? He can find a different gym— op shouldn’t have to see him at all. I think OP should talk to the gym again and see that he gets banned altogether


I mean he did this to OP a while ago and nothing happened. And that was after OP made a scene. But how many people others as he done this to? I hardly think OP is his only victim, just the first one who actually caught him on video/made a big enough scene for staff to get involved. If I was the owner there’s no way I’d want someone driving away paying customers. Just for that reason alone he should be banned. Let alone the fact that the owner needs to be protecting gym members from further harassment.


Seriously, it’s awesome that you stood up for yourself like this. I tend to freeze in these types of situations (and immediately regret not speaking up)—but you totally did the right thing. You’re also protecting not only yourself, but other gymgoers from this creep. You are 100% NTA and an inspiration to us all. Kudos.


Man I totally feel you. I’m so good at coming up with fantastic comebacks... 12 hours later when I’m showering. I wish I had OP’s ability to immediately defend myself without pause or hesitation.


I have a really short temper and tbh it usually gets me in trouble more often than helps, but at least it kind of worked out for me in this situation


Gents, if you have an opinion about something, keep it to your fucking self unless you're asked for it. What kind of dickhead thinks it's perfectly fine to tell a woman to wear a bra on any context?


I had to go back and read the first one since i hadn’t seen it. Sorry you had to deal with that asshat. He literally sounds like a kid trying to flirt who has absolutely no idea how to speak to other humans. Definitely not defending him. Like at all. It’s guys like him that make that side of the gym uncomfortable.


How can he use his go to flirt move of pulling on the bra strap if OP refuses to wear one?


Yep. It's HER fault that he feels sexually diminished.


Step one: pull bra strap Step one fails? Loudly comment in order to help them get better form. This isn’t how you get girls? /s


What the literal fuck?? I got so irritated reading this post I wanted to throw my phone!


This guy genuinely thinks what he did is okay. Who continues this stuff after someone tells you it's creepy?


What are the chances he's telling friends "I was just kidding around with this girl and she blew up in my face. Dudes can't even flirt anymore!"? I've never gone to a gym more than a couple of times but even as guy the idea of someone trying to have a conversation with me at the gym seems so damn annoying. Trying to talk to someone? Assuming it's not about their body or *nipples*, okay. Annoying but forgivable. They ignore you? Take the L and go dude. Where are your social skills? I hate even asking for change yet you have the nerve to nag some random woman? wtf


Good for you for standing up for yourself. Glad that asshole got detention. Sounds like he’s going to get himself banned permanently pretty soon. He’s clearly used to getting away with gross and inappropriate behavior.


I had to read the first post but im really glad he got what he deserved people like that are why im afraid to go to the gym. Im really glad that you don't have him kver your head anymore


Me too. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm too shy to ask for help. The couple times I've talked to a "trainer" they set me up on a leg routine when I said I needed to improve my arm strength.


"Hello, sir, I would like to buy this parrot." "Of course, sir, let me show you to the dairy section!" -makes about as much sense as those "trainers" 😂


Holy shit! Does this dude run around telling men about their nipples poking out of their shirts too?! Of course not. Because for some reason women’s nipples are seen as evil.


Mental image: man walking around a gym pointing at people's chests announcing, "Nipples. Nipples. Nipples."


Sounds like something a two year old would do upon learning the word for nipples.


>I'd been dealing with depression that made me not really try to get dressed in general That's a great reminder to those reading this when seeing something similar in our friends and loved ones: People can dress down for comfort, for convenience, or as a statement, but many other times, it's due to depression, and something that should cause us to see whether there are other signs that indicate that someone might need our help.


Still pondering what your bra has to do with your lifts


Jesus Christ, what a fucking tool. I am SEETHING for you. What an absolute fuckface. I am so angry just thinking about this. What the hell is wrong with that guy???? He's the kind of idiot who thinks women pee out of our vaginas. 😡


Congratulations for dealing with him. If he is so self-unaware of the way he continued to talk to you while you were ignoring - he deserved to be yelled at. Just in regards to bras. I wear the crop tops (because the straps on ordinary bras never stay on my shoulders and keep slipping off), which I find really comfortable. You can find these quite cheap, I've bought some for about the $12 mark. If you treat these like ordinary bras, like in washing, hanging up to dry, etc, they do last really well.


Dude is a major dick. Good on you for defending yourself. 🥰


You are super strong and I admire you, OP, honestly. Going to the gym on a regular basis is beyond me and I bet you can lift so much more than I can. So literally and figuratively strong! I really cannot stand people like this, who fake concern to be condescending and get your attention when they don't have any reason to. "You're just being sensitive" = "you're having a normal reaction to harassment but I'm gonna try gaslighting you about it". ughhhhh


Thank god, I'm so glad you yelled at him. I've always lacked the guts to actually yell at someone when they're making wildly inappropriate comments. Now the gym is a safer place for all the women that go there for at least 30 more days :). Keep recording! And keep lifting those weights!


I've always kind of have had a short temper and tbh is not my best trait, but I think this wasn't the wrong time for it to come out


> Finally, he says something like "see your form is so much better now that you're wearing a bra." And I fucking lost it again Wow. How can anyone think that's ever an okay thing to say? Good guy manager. I was ready to hear you say ~~he~~ she did nothing.


Manager was a woman! Probably why I was actual listened to. But yeah I can't believe the audacity of some men jfc


i can guarantee you this idiot learned nothing from this experience. good on you calling him out on his shit. a lifetime ban would've been nice but man i cant imagine how annoying it must be to deal with this shit when going to the gym. also #SumoGang here as well.


Omg, what's his problem? I'm so glad that he got consequences from his actions


Good on you. He’s obviously using the gym as a pick up joint, so he’s probably been harassing other women too. That’s not ok, and if it takes a 30 day ban for him to finally clue in that his advances are inappropriate and unwanted, so be it.


I'm sorry he kept pushing and being a PITA but HELL YEAH FOR ACTUAL CONSEQUENCES. As another gym going female, this feels like a victory.


I *do not* understand why some people *can’t leave other people alone*, (Males especially, when it comes to commenting to/on girls/women.🙄) refrain from commenting, and shut the fuck up. IT’S NOT THAT HARD TO SHUT UP.🙄🤦🏼‍♀️


30 days? I'd have told him to never appear in the place again... that crap is way more insidious and dangerous than people think, until it's too late and there are... incidents...


Yeah fuck that guy. Guys have their nipples poking out their shirts all the time when working out. Runners literally use lotion and nipple covers because they chafe. He can kick rocks. NTA by a wide margin


I know this is not the main point, but in what universe is sumo deadlifts “cheating”? It’s just a different form of deadlift. Like you get different forms of squats. That guy sounded like an ignorant misogynist, and I’m glad you were able to report him for being a creep.


Uhhhh.. sumo isn't cheating, *it's a different lift* and you adjust the weight accordingly.


Oh behalf of all women who either a) get their training interrupted and their mood screwed by sexual harassment at the gym or b) have stopped going to the gym for that reason (I belong to the latter category), THANK YOU and WELL DONE.


I know what women want from men at the gym: To be ignored... unless they make contact first. It's not that hard.


Love that you stood up for yourself and made sure there were repercussions for his behaviour. Fuck this guy and his gaslighting. Pump some iron and relish the fact that you won this one.


What saddens me most about this is that in all likelihood, the guy now thinks you started wearing bras again \*because he told you to\*.