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anarmchairexpert

#This thread is now locked There are a lot of you with a lot of opinions about this one! Given the number of uncivil comments we're having to moderate (so many) we're shutting this one down. Want something else to read? May I point you to the #[Civility rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/).


fatheryeg

Um…. NTA Just be aware he will not change once baby is born. You’re gonna be in for a whole lot more poor behaviour on his part.


RubyRedSunset

Hell be off playing monsterhunter while shes in labor.


No-one-wants-me

Irrelevant, but that was actually the game he was playing while I was in the ER.


nicoleislazy

Monster hunter literally almost ruined my (very new) marriage. My husband plays tons of video games, but for some reason that was the one that caused me to stop existing. Husband is not allowed to get the new one and quite frankly doesn't want it because of that.


shadowspeare455

Oddly this makes me want to download the game again. My husband didn't like it that much


nicoleislazy

For some reason I have 0 interest in monster hunter.. it just does nothing for me. I dont play a ton myself but I love watching video games, except for monster hunter lol...i was very upset at the first mission where you murder the little baby monster 😭haha


SandyDelights

While I haven’t played every game, I can’t remember any where you kill a “little baby monster”. 😅 I mean, crap like velociprey and izuchi, but they aren’t “babies”, they’re full grown (just don’t become big like the “alpha” versions, e.g. great izuchi, or anything ending in -drome). Hunters (lore-wise) have a pretty big ethos re: killing unnecessarily, not upsetting the balance of the ecosystem, etc. Ofc., I always found that ironic because you go out and kill unaggressive shit like gorgeous-ass Mizutsune because someone doesn’t want people slipping on the bubbles she makes. 🥴 But there *is* the Stories series, where you kidnap baby monsters and raise them into stunted, miniaturized versions of their parents.


nicoleislazy

It was probably a baby in my head hahahah. Theyre enormous and im like 'tiny baby, nooooooo'


Not-A-SoggyBagel

I'm so sorry. Your comment really hits me because Monster Hunter was something my wife and I bonded over. We played through the series together and found that we were a solid cohesive co-op team. I'm super sorry your husband neglected you like that over a game.


nicoleislazy

Aw thanks for this ❤❤ we've always played other games together but I didn't really like monster hunter and something just made him go on voice chat with his friends for like 4+ hours at a time, every single day after work and not acknowledge my existence. It wasn't intentional, he's just oblivious. It was the one in 2018, so he's not getting the new one, I still tell him it's the game that almost ended our marriage 🤣 currently we're playing Dont Starve Together, it's amazing.


JapaneseFerret

We all have our kryptonite game. You know, the one that once we start playing it, we're doomed. It's that one game that makes the rest of the world cease to exist. Or matter. For my it was Plague Inc, I kid you not. It's now banned around the house, on all devices and in all forms. Shortly after that, along came a real life plague. It may be best for all if I just stay away from games altogether.


cakeisreallygood

World of Warcraft did it for my friend. Her now ex-husband blew her off when they were supposed to do something and she came home to him playing it, surrounded by empty Mountain Dew cans.


nicoleislazy

Eesh he sounds like a winner. :| my husband definitely plays a few hours a day, but thats my alone time to watch tv without him nagging so I dont mind lol, but something about monster hunter is just a life ruiner haha


cakeisreallygood

For some reason the empty cans of Mountain Dew really painted a picture of hell for me.


nicoleislazy

Yea the mountain dew is really the icing on the cake lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


apis_cerana

At this point you're effectively a single parent. Maybe you should think about leaving.


TheTurtleSwims

You're doing great. Your fiance isn't. You guys need to sit down and talk. Otherwise, cut the internet and say you couldn't afford it by yourself.


AgnostosTheosLogos

Such an easy and undervalued solution. A mobile hotspot can do job apps but not games, so cut full net.


nicoleislazy

Oh god im so sorry youre in this situation. Its definitely not you failing your daughter, you are wonder woman! Youre amazing for holding everything together.❤❤❤


naughtyzoot

My ex-husband would ignore real life things in order to play WOW. It got bad and we had several discussions about limiting play time. Nothing worked and he promised he would quit playing. He not only didn't stop, he got our children to lie to me and say that he wasn't playing. It was having them lie for him that was the final straw.


topsidersandsunshine

WOW Widow support groups used to be a big thing!


-clogwog-

That's... The game that my ex was glued to while I was miscarrying our son.


HexStarlight

World of warcraft is a relationship killer I personally lost one to that game and know many others that did


RubyRedSunset

I love watching my bf play it. We always “play” today, meaning he plays and i watch and make comments and stuff cause my reaction time is too slow to properly play most video games.


nicoleislazy

Yes thats exactly how we play most video games. Im also too slow to play myself lol..I always say he should play on twitch with me making hillarious comments 🤣


thepugnacious

OP, if this is the same guy from your previous posts, you need to get out as fast as you can. Imagine what would happen if your little one went to him with a nightmare or an accident at night. Will he even take them to the doctor if they're injured? Please, please, make a plan to get out. You can try r/relationship_advice , they have mods with resources for your state to get you out of this situation safely. You'll feel so much better, I promise.


reconciliationisdead

She's posted that she doesn't feel like she can leave. I'm worried for her. OP, if you see this, you'll figure things out and be okay when you leave. There's help out there, and you'll be much better able to navigate it when you aren't being abused


Evil_Mel

I agree. He will not change, babies do not change people.


zzeeaa

The most likely change will be the bad things getting worse.


bahamut285

I just read the user history, holy cow girl you need to GET OUT of this relationship! He doesn't love you, you're basically a masturbatory aid!


Superb_Raccoon

>No-one-wants-me Looking at the history of this user, there is a pattern here, and not a healthy one. Is there anything we can do?


zzeeaa

I hope she knows her little baby wants and needs her. It's so hard to offer help when chances are that none of us live near her. Sounds like her boss is offering what she can, so that's one positive person to be trusted.


ClothDiaperAddicts

Agreed. Honey, get out. There’s a chance that this is as good as it’s going to get because he’s “just” ignoring you and neglecting you. Get out and go to a shelter. If you still have your mom, contact her. I hope you’re in therapy for the BPD issues, and if you are, ask your counsellor for help with getting out or what available resources can help, etc. Absolutely nothing good will come if staying with someone who doesn’t care enough to be there when you need him.


Moonbat-lives

This comment made me go read her other posts. OP please… for your baby if not for yourself. Go. Get out.


Used2BPromQueen

I literally **CANNOT UNDERSTAND** why she allowed herself to get pregnant with this guy. Her post history goes waaaaay further back than the 16 weeks she's been pregnant. I was so disappointed when I realized she's been regularly abused by this guy for a minimum of 1+ years and is now pregnant!!! Wtf is this poor lady doing??? Such bad decisions here, especially bringing a child into this mess. u/No-one-wants-me are you going to allow him to abuse your innocent child the same way he abuses you??? Your post history is horrific, why bring a child into this relationship. Please God.... **IF YOU WON'T LEAVE FOR YOURSELF THAN FOR PETE'S SAKE PLEASE DO SO FOR YOUR CHILD**


SassafrasSass18

So due to his fear does that mean he won't be in the hospital during the birth?


ExistentialJelly

And if the child ever hurts themselves when only dad is around and needs a hospital visit? Nope, dad doesn't like hospitals. I predict many injuries will happen with a gaming addict parent who won't pay proper attention.


RexJacobus

That's what I pictured. "Daddy, I found steak knives, matches, and some meth." Hours later ....... "Sorry, kid, what did you say?"


Leto-ofDelos

"Oh shit, you're in dire need of emergency medical attention! Too bad daddy doesn't like hospitals. Sorry, kid, your lacerations, burns, and meth poisoning will have to wait until mommy gets home."


AutobotPrincess

lol That's kind of what happened to me. I was about 5 or 6 and I got the brilliant idea to help my dog dig a hole. Turns out there was a piece of glass in the dirt and it sliced the side of my hand open. To this day, idk how I stayed so calm, but I walked into the house with one hand cupped over my profusely bleeding hand so I wouldn't be bleeding everywhere, then told my grandmother I was bleeding. She was playing Super Mario 3 on the ye olde NES and without even looking at me, she told me to put a bandaid on it. Young as I was, I still knew this wasn't bandaid material, so I tried again and got yelled at to put a bandaid on it and leave her alone. I winded up walking down the block to my aunt's house and she called an ambulance, left a trail of blood down the sidewalk to her house, winded up having to get stitches. To this day I can't look at a Mario game without remembering my hand being sliced open and holding the blood in my hand, not to be overly gory or anything. But she didn't even notice I was gone until my aunt brought me home from the hospital and cussed her out.


whatev88

Seriously. My dad haaaates hospitals - super deep seated fear of them. I am 33 years old and when I was horrendously sick a couple years ago, my dad was the only family member free. He drove me to the hospital and sat there holding a bin for me to puke in (which was actively happening) while an IV was put in me. Did he hate every moment of it? I'm sure he did (palest I've ever seen him). But was he there for me anyways because he's my dad and I needed someone? Yep.


Rosieapples

You have a good dad and it sounds like he has a good kid too. Best wishes.


BodaciousBonnie

I’m petrified of drs and hospitals. Suck it up 100% for kids, family and pregnancies.


Snedlimpan

He fear of spiders doesn't hinder her in being a good parent/spouse, but his fear of hospitals do. It's like comparing apples and oranges...


thepugnacious

For reference for anyone in the thread who hasn't played it, Monster Hunter usually has 30 min to an hour long hunts (often shorter, but I'm being generous), and you can drop out any time with no penalties (other than not getting loot). OP's partner could have disconnected and gone immediately, or even finished a hunt and still have time to be there with her for most of it. Personally, I think he should have dropped out immediately. But if he really didn't understand the gravity of the issue, I could forgive him staying an extra few minutes to finish up while boss came to get him.


indi50

I'm also wondering about some other way to get there. Even most small towns now have taxis and ubers. BF didn't go because BF didn't want to go.


doughnutmakemelaugh

Mine has neither but... she offered to both pick him up and have the boss pick him up. He could have asked a friend. Hell, if the town is that small he could have WALKED.


Rosieapples

That's about the size of it I'd say.


marshmolotov

That is a Good King Wenceslas level of generosity.


bahamut285

My husband dropped out of a WoW raid to take our cat to the vet, this guy can suspend a hunt (esp if in Guiding Lands) to make sure his gf and unborn child are okay.


SqueakyBall

JFC, OP, you're crazy to bring a baby into this nightmare relationship. Do you want your monster boyfriend to abuse the baby too? There's a woman on Reddit who's a domestic abuse specialist. Go to r/relationship_advice and say you need help getting out of a terrible relationship. They'll help you find her.


Rosieapples

I think that's a very good suggestion. It's all very well saying she should get out (which she should) but it's a big job when you're pregnant and alone. Assuming she is alone. OP if you see this, get some help from someone, you need support with everything and you're not going to get it from him. He's wrapped up in himself.


[deleted]

and op said OUR boss :(


enonymousCanadian

U/Ebbie45 is the user you want. You can see all the resources through her profile.


SnooRobots4869

Run, girl, run! He's not going to grow up in time to support your child. This is horrific. A normal partner would RUN to the hospital for their spouse, no matter the circumstances. This is you and his child's lives that were at risk! Wtf! Honey, you deserve better.


MuttiKatze

I'm sorry he was so unsupportive and such a bad boyfriend when you needed him the most. Good luck OP x


indi50

Yeah, sorry, what will this guy do when you give birth? Or if one of his kids needs medical treatment? Or anything else that requires and adult rather than a child playing video games? He's gaslighting you and he's immensely immature and selfish. He's not ready to be a parent. You should find a family member or friend that you can count on through your pregnancy and you should dump this guy and hope for child support. Or you'll be taking care of two children when you give birth.


CleanAssociation9394

Honey, you know what he. Complaining on Reddit isn’t going to fix the situation you’re planning on putting a child in. Face facts and do what needs to be done.


[deleted]

While you were abandoned.


nothathappened

Definitely won’t change. My ex-husband was similar. Drove a friend to the airport more than two hours away close to my due date. My water broke not long after he left. I called and called without any answer and then he finally picked up and immediately told me to leave him alone Bc he was with his friends. I didnt tell him I was in labor and didn’t ask anyone to call him. My sister ended up driving me to the hospital. He showed up within just a few minutes of our daughter being born. When we were released from the hospital, we had to swing by the motorcycle shop to pick up his new bike so I drove myself and my newborn home from the hospital…nothing changed. We divorced within a couple of years and he ended up signing over his rights as dad. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.


BerryLocomotive

I'm really sorry you and your child were treated so badly. I hope you're doing better now.


nothathappened

Thanks. It was a long time ago. My husband now is pretty awesome and was incredible when I was pregnant; adopted my two kids from the previous marriage. It’s really weird to think that I was ever ok with how I was treated before. I hope OP and anyone else reading these replies sees that they need to put themselves and their babies first. The person treating them poorly will treat them poorly always.


4lisak

NTA - plus I just looked at your post history. Speaking as someone who was in an abusive marriage for 16 years , you can do better and life is too short to be with someone like that. Red flags abound. You deserve to be with someone who truly loves and cherishes you and you them.This man is not that. ETA please find some resources to help you get out. I am worried for your welfare and your coming child’s. Where are you and I will look them up for you. DM me if you want.


radialomens

Peep her post history


Dakotasunsets

Omg, this woman is in an abusive relationship and knows it. I hope she finds her way out soon. She is tied to him because of their baby, but she needs to take care of herself and her little one.


Runaway_Angel

Just did the same thing and wow. OP if you see this, next time you're at the doctor either for a follow up or a check up ask for resources for women in abusive relationships. Sounds like BF won't come with you to such things so it should be safe.


real_canadianpoutine

I wanted to cry reading her post history. The poor woman.


Unusual_Individual93

I just did that and holy shit that's bad.


blainemoore

Holy crap, her user name is totally incorrect. It should be u/my_boyfriend_doesnt_want_me...


Tired3520

Judging by OPs previous posting history, she is well aware of the fact that she is in an abusive relationship. You know what you need to do here OP. Leave.


Bob10294759

Jumping on top because I’ve just looked at op’s post history and now I’m deeply concerned. Op, if this is the same boyfriend that you’ve been talking about then you are in desperate need of escaping ASAP. Let your future baby be the strength you need to leave. There is help for you but do not raise your baby with this monster (if it is the same)


kayteebeckers

This. OP I was you a few years ago. He never changed, just this Friday he missed the "meet the teacher" night for our son's first year of Elementary school, despite me offering him a ride, forwarding him all the emails and hearing him promise he would be there. He showed up 50 minutes late after we were already leaving and he was mad I didn't want to wait around for him any longer. Please ready your heart for it getting worse, if he's this disengaged now the excuses are going to keep rolling in. It's hard enough when it happens to you, but it will break your heart into a million pieces when they do it over and over to your kid. Try to find a good support system while you are still pregnant. Good luck.


Goateed_Chocolate

This. NTA.


Hotbitch2019

This is horrific and so sad. The last part about a spider really shows his character. Honestly he sounds absolutely horrible, and a bad person to be around whilst pregnant. I think you should leave him.


Codename_Jelly

If he really had a fear of hospitals and doctors that would have been the first thing he mentioned but it was the last, I just think he couldn't be bothered and was trying to find every way out of it he could. If his phobia was really that bad then he wouldn't have come back with the spider thing so coldly.


[deleted]

And when she goes to have the baby, this is how he gets to skip out of helping her during labor and delivery. OP is in for a lonely ride. She made a baby with a grown one. ☹


SleepyPuppet85

Lonely and abusive; look at her post history.


Devanear

That is a pretty horrific situation, and now a child will have to grow up in the middle of that. It's depressing.


dstad080911

I agree. Also, why is he so terrified to be there when he isn't even the patient? Not trying to diminish the existence of phobias or anything, I know they can be debilitating. But usually people who are scared of hospitals are scared of dying as a patient. Furthermore, even after she got home, the phobia thing wasn't even his first excuse, so....


KrystalWulf

I am terrified of doctors and hospitals, but you know what? I also know they can be important in potentially life threatening situations. If someone I love needs instant médica attention, and I'm the only available one to take or comfort them, you bet your booty I'm going to rush for them, regardless of my fear. Your boyfriend just sucks and doesn't care, or is so severely debilitatingly afraid he needs therapy.


Revolutionary-Yak-47

This. I am terrified of doctors and hospitals (was sexually assaulted by a doctor). I suck it up when friends and family and significant others need me to be there. He's just selfish.


Timmetie

> This is horrific and so sad. Oke but at this point these aren't realistic anymore right? Noone can actually think these things? OP, are you seriously asking if your boyfriend is an asshole? If I had to write a character in a book that was just the most worthless childish asshole partner ever, without going into violent murderous abuse, your boyfriend would be considered unrealistically bad. As in, you couldn't write a bad character in a book to be this shitty. "Nah, that's a 2d character. He just sits there gaming while she cries in the hospital? He's not even worried? He threatens her afterwards? What are his motives except being shit? Unrealistic, over the top, try something more subtle like him not getting her the food she likes at the hospital or something. If he had a fobia he'd at least be outside the hospital wringing his hands, come on." If I called my fucking neighbor, who I don't really know, in this situation SHE'D COME OVER BECAUSE SHE IS HUMAN. This dude has a life of abuse planned for you, he pushed you into this pregnancy and he's just going to get worse. Could you imagine yourself gaming if he'd even broke a leg or something? No? Or if he called because he was hurt, or stressed, or sad? Or just said he needed you? Now imagine how little he feels for you: Like, zero. He had zero worries. 2 hours you didn't have a phone and could have been dead and he didn't give a shit. But OP asks if she's the asshole... This is more than horrific and sad. OP, sometimes something is so hugely fucked and evil and wrong that you can't imagine that it's *that* bad and you start doubting yourself, like the situation is *that* fucked up it kind of gaslights itself, you can't imagine being in *that* fucked up a situation so it must not be *that* fucked up right? In this case though it is, it is *that* bad. It is the worst. I know completely loveless abusive partners who manage to fake more love than your boyfriend does. They'd at least fake it for the camera's and family and friends. I'm near to crying with the thought of you, a random internet stranger, spending 2 hours in that hospital without contact. He however just kept gaming. If *I* care more about you, imagine how fucking little he does. I think I have people who fucking hate me who'd give more of a shit about me if I called about a medical emergency than your boyfriend does about you.


Wise_Put5436

All of this! What a horrible "man". He doesn't care about OP or the baby. No decent human being would ever treat someone like this, let alone the people that they're meant to love and cherish. OP - I know it won't be easy but you need to get out of this relationship - you and your baby are worth so much more.


ms_movie

This is so well put. I’m a happily married 43F and these kinds of stories just break my heart. How can we want better for these strangers than their supposed loved ones do? Or than they want for themselves? Why would OP stay with someone that thinks this is acceptable treatment? Or have a baby with them? It’s not right.


Timmetie

>Or than they want for themselves? This is years and years and years of telling women they should accept shit-as-fuck relationships above all other goals. Used to be every trope, every sitcom, had dudes who don't care, who have to be dragged into dates, who are late to appointments for their girlfriends, who'd rather do their own hobbies and not be *nagged* into adult responsibilities, who want to watch at teenage girls but can't, who prioritize their own family but hate their in-laws. And it's set to a laugh track.


[deleted]

Every one of these ‘my partner is terrible’ stories that has people tell them to leave has someone pop up complaining Reddit thinks people should give up too quickly. This is what happens when you let terrible behavior go.


Timmetie

> has someone pop up complaining Reddit thinks people should give up too quickly. A lot of people are just simply happier single. Especially women's happiness just drops HARD when married and having children statistically. But we pressure people on every level to be together and accept basically everything, especially women.


rajwebber

To be fair, OP has already been posting in r/abusiverelationships and I refuse to go on that subreddit just based on her posts about how he treats her. She needs an exit plan now.


MissThirteen

Not trying to be rude, but it may be better for op in the long run if she didn't end up having a baby with this dude.


Sunshine_Jules

Really hate to admit I thought that too. He's a horrible human being.


wild_fluorescent

I have a fear of wasps. I'm terrified of them, and our house was infested with them when we first bought it. Guess who still held a ladder for my partner because I was worried about him falling no matter how many wasps flew by? When you care about someone's safety, the fear of something happening to them overrides the fear of the other thing. Also even if you take the fear at face value (I don't) there were so many alternatives he could have at least half-assed cared to try. Facetiming, waiting in the parking lot, whatever. This wasn't fear, it was disinterest. You're NTA OP but you'll be an asshole to yourself if you still with this guy.


MD7001

NTA but boy your BF is a flaming AH. HUGE RED FLAG. His level of maturity is maybe a 13 year old. This isn’t going to get better unless he makes significant changes. His excuse of fear of docs/hospitals is total BULLSHIT. He simply wanted to play his game and hang with his friends


[deleted]

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 OP, your boyfriend dropped these. I would think long and hard about what kind of life you and your baby are in for with him.


DaTwatWaffle

Unfortunately, it’s a little late. Even if she leaves him, 15 weeks is past the cut off off for termination in a lot of states, and he’s going to be in her life either way with a child involved.


bakkic

I predict that she won't have him in her life cause he'll just disappear on her. She'll have to fight to get CS and he'll never want to see the kid.


lunchbox3

I am very very scared of hospitals / doctors. Twice I’ve had to go in with my husband and I didn’t even question it. Did I start to drift off to sleep and wake up sweating because I dreamt the doctor came to harvest my organs? Sure. But I did stay and support my husband through it - it didn’t cross my mind not to.


sushibinu

and this, ladies and gents, is how a healthier relationship is supposed to be (good on you though for pushing past your fear to support someone you love)


Puzzleheaded_Order78

YTA to yourself for having a kid with a loser who obviously has no interest in raising one


Evil_Mel

Check out the post history, she is in an abusive relationship and while it may have been unintentional, having a child will not "fix" him & now he will have a constant hold over her. If she wants to keep the baby, fine, but she needs to get out.


Historical_Elk_

The post history make me sad. I can't believe it's been this bad before she was pregnant 😪


Evil_Mel

Makes me very sad. She even knows it, but can't or won't get out.


BackgroundIsland9

She has been active in a subreddit for abusive relationships for a year! She is enough self aware to know that she is in trouble. I don't understand why she has any expectations from this relationship and why she won't run. OP, think for your kid for god's sake if not for yourself.


occamslizard

>and why she won’t run Leaving is the most dangerous time, even with carefully laid plans. OP doesn’t deserve your ignorance and judgement here


BackgroundIsland9

Did you even read OP's post? Nowhere has she considered leaving. She is instead trying to understand if she is in the wrong here. Of course leaving would be dangerous without lots and lots of planning. But we are not talking about leaving, are we? We are talking about whether boyfriend is justified in abandoning her in the hospital. She is very much still in a relationship mindset and needs to consider first that it is not working anymore and she might have to run. AFTER that, the dangers of leaving and what should be done about it comes into play.


takingthehobbitses

It looks like she also has BPD and blames herself for a lot of this, although I’m sure most of it comes from her relationship and being gaslit. She needs help badly.


hotheadnchickn

hey, there are lots of info resources out there if you jsut google on why it's not as simple as "just leave" in an abusive relationship. no one wants to be abused and that's not why people stay.


okokokblahblahblah

NTA. I would hesitate to place a lot of blame on someone in an abusive relationship.. further fuel as to why to be cautious with placing blame on OP: They also shared in post history that they live with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). BPD is a very complex mental health disorder which can in part result in difficulties with interpersonal relationships, self-image, emotional regulation, ability to see situations objectively, fear of abandonment, etc. I can only imagine that BPD would add layers of difficulty to the whole situation, on top of the complexity of being in an abusive relationship to begin with. I hope that OP is receiving mental health supports to manage their BPD, so that they can see and act on the abuse side of things with more clarity and confidence. (Source: Occupational Therapist who has worked with people with BPD, and also personally have some friends/acquaintances with BPD)


Ihavenoidea209

Right? I feel so bad for the kid and the unstable environment they will be in.


thisisgettingdaft

NTA. Have you discussed if he will be there for the birth? What happens if your child needs medical treatment?


No-one-wants-me

He has said until it’s for the birth he won’t go to the hospital or to any of my OB appointments. He also has said he won’t be in the delivery room with me because he doesn’t think he can handle it. I asked him what he’s going to do when he has to take our kid to the doctor and he sidestepped it and made a joke about that being my job.


gnimmuc6898

Dump him. Find someone who will actually be there for you and the baby


Rachelpneumonoultram

Girl wth are you doing. He’s openly said that serious childcare is your job. Is he not going to take your kid to the dentists bc it reminds him of hospitals? Is he not going to change a diaper because it reminds him of hospice care? You’re beginning down a long road that ends with you feeling completely alone and you don’t deserve it. You deserve a partner that is in it with you 100% and he’s straight up told you that you’re not equals. What is it going to teach your child, that it’s okay to treat partners like this? You need to take a hard look at your life and think about your child if you choose to keep it, do you want them to grow up thinking this is normal? I just hope you find the strength and power you need to make the best choice for you. Be safe!


[deleted]

He isn’t making a joke. He is telling you very clearly that he is done with his contribution to this child & this relationship. He has very clearly told you he will not support you in any way thru this pregnancy. Your child could have been dying inside you & he couldn’t even stop playing video games while talking you on the phone, much less be at your side. Everything is now your responsibility. Your decision now is do you want to take care of 2 people or just your child? Get to a lawyer & find out what you need to get child support & custody in place immediately.


veloxaraptor

"When someone tells you who they are, believe them."


magschampagne

I just gave my free award to the comment upthread so please accept my poor woman’s gold because this is the comment I came here for 🏅🏅🏅


WineAndDogs2020

>made a joke about that being my job. He wasn't joking. Be prepared for ALL care to fall squarely on your shoulders.


Beecakeband

Yeah that wasn't a joke. It was the truth either said as a joke or OP has chosen to take it that way


Gokaiju

OP has comments going back almost a year acknowledging that she's in an abusive relationship.


Doctor-Liz

This is a really bad plan. If he wanted to help you he'd be pushing himself to go to appointments now, when it *isn't* stressful, rather than jumping in at the scary end. That bit about taking the kid to the doctor being your job? Not a joke


MissLadyLlamaDrama

Yup. My friend's husband is super afraid of hospitals and doctors. But when he found out that she was pregnant, he started working on it immediately so he could be there for her. They started doing video chats while she was at the super early appointments, then he started going, and waiting outside, to the waiting room, etc. He was able to be in the room when they found out all the baby details, and in the room during the delivery, and able to hold it together for the sake of his wife so he didn't stress her out. She said he did really great, and everything went well. Once the baby arrived, it's like he completely forgot about where he was at all, because that's all he cared about in that moment. People who care, show they care. They know how to prioritize and WANT to for the sake of those they care about and love. Nta, op. But please put yourself and your child first, because he won't. [Edit typo]


Seeker131313

You and your baby are nowhere near the top of your boyfriend's priority list. You are going to be a single mother while he plays video games. Please plan out support for after baby is born, because he ain't gonna help. You're likely better off living without him and filing for custody and child support once you deliver


kbhinz

And you decided to still go through with the pregnancy despite his admittance? C'mon now...


del901

I don’t usually suggest dumping someone, but you need to dump him. If he won’t be involved before the baby comes and can’t even be bothered to go to the hospital when you are at risk of miscarrying, he isn’t going to be there for you during childbirth or afterwards. Make sure you have a support system in place before the baby comes because it isn’t going to be him. NTA


Talisa87

Holy Moses, what are you still doing with this guy??


KE_1930

Her post history is revealing. I feel sorry for OP but especially for this baby.


nkdeck07

Dude why the fuck are you having a kid with this man? He sounds horrific. What is gonna happen when you aren't available and the kid hurts himself?


Codename_Jelly

Good lord, sounds like he is fobbing off the whole thing now and generally cba with anything.


PM_yourAcups

Everything you think was a joke was the truth.


MissThirteen

You are going to be a single mother, he is telling you straight up that he considers his "job" to be done now that you are pregnant.


peace-and-bong-life

Oh my God, he "can't handle" being with you as you give birth? I'm so sorry, but tbh you're probably better off without him being there. I am struggling to write civil comments because I am so angry on your behalf.


[deleted]

She will literally be pushing a human being out of her body, but he can't handle standing there while it happens. I am mad with you.


abishop711

That wasn’t a joke. Jokes are funny. Did anyone laugh? No? Not a joke. When someone tells and shows you who they are, believe them.


MyBeesAreAssholes

For fuck’s sake, he wasn’t joking. He is going to be a shit father.


RionaMurchada

He's not joking. We can't be more clear OP. He DOES NOT care about you. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt, disappointment, and mental & emotional abuse from this man if you stay with him. For the sake of your child, please leave him. Your child deserves to grow up in a home that models real love, not disrespect and misogyny. You and your child are worth so much more than what that guy is offering. You are NTA but your boyfriend definitely is!


[deleted]

I'm so sorry if this comes across as harsh, but why are you having a baby with this person? Did you know these things - which I don't even believe tbh with you - before you decided to have a baby, or did they start coming out once you got pregnant and you asked for his support through childbirth? Which you shouldn't even have to ask for. The baby is half his, it's half his responsibility, so he should be supporting you without question. Father's don't get to do much, so the good ones do as much as they can. This guy? Exact opposite.


somaticconviction

I had to to go to the er and my husband couldn’t come inside because covid. He sat outside for hours. Because it’s his kid too. It’s both parents jobs to care about the pregnancy.


Angellees919

OP please help your unborn child. Your post history screams of abuse for the past year now. You’ve even stated that you know you’re being abused in another post. None of this is your fault but please realize you will be bringing in a child to witness and maybe bear some of the abuse with you. I don’t know your situation but their are resources that can help you. Please, please realize that this isn’t normal and that you need to start actively taking steps to leave. Your boyfriend is going to end up killing you or your child just from your post history alone.


QuinGood

NTA You're having a baby with this guy? Make sure you get a child support and custody agreement in place. Good Luck


[deleted]

NTA. Listen. I also am scared of hospitals. But if my lover was PREGNANT. I would STOP DROP AND ROLL MY ASS OVER THERE. Because my BABY and my SO is 1,000% more important


scbalazs

NTA. This is all the red flags. He is immature and inconsiderate. May not be the best timing, but you should find other people to help you and then kick him to the curb. Wow, what an AH. Please also show him this post and the replies.


No-one-wants-me

I mentioned the post to him. He’s extremely upset that I “put him on blast” on the internet and going on about how I’m the asshole not him. He’s really mad at me now.


radialomens

He is absolutely the asshole. Hes just too defensive and immature, so he’s deflecting and trying to guilt you which is a shitty thing for him to do to someone he loves, particularly someone carrying his child. I’m really sorry you’re going to be stuck trying to coparent with someone who lashes out and tries to hurt you. Please take care of yourself.


scoobaroo

Well, what else did he expect would happen?? NTA, but OP, you've gotta go. This man is screaming from the rooftop that he clearly doesn't give a shit about you and your kid.


JonesinforJonesey

You're setting the scene for another unhappy childhood here which generally leads to an unhappy adulthood, one with many issues to work through. You need to grow a backbone and quickly. You think you're not capable, but you can force yourself to be - for your baby. Stop asking for help on the interwebs where you can hide away if you don't like the answers. Take some good suggestions to people in your real life. Your boss was already trying to help you which is exactly why your AH said no. Ask for help again. You need it so badly.


Timmetie

Chick, you've been posting about him on "abusive relationships". You know he's abusive. I get not feeling able to leave an abusive relationship. But at least don't have a fucking kid with him. That kid doesn't deserve your life.


[deleted]

Then leave him, OP. He is going to be a worthless partner. Get child support in place.


orangesandmandarines

You don't debate with an abussive partner, hun. You leave. I've read your other posts. I have BPD too. I know it's hard to leave. I know he makes you feel worthless so you end up believing you need him because nobody else will love you... But he doesn't love you, nor the baby, and he never will. Ask your family for help, or a friend, or any kind of service that exists in your area for abussed women. But please, seek help. He is abussive as in enough to make a movie out of him. Not as in "he's abussive but the kind of 'soft abuse' that people around may doubt he's abussive", he has verbally abused you for a long time; he's hurt you phisically (and I guess more times than your post shows); he doesn't sleep with you just to hurt you and make you feel bad; he gets angry because you wake him up in an emergency; he doesn't show up when your health is in danger... Every single one of your posts about him are about his abuse, and it is always pretty clear abuse, nothing subtle. Please, wake up. Seek help. You are not alone and you deserve better.


juicewrldluvr2009

OP, if this is the same man from your previous posts, please try to get away from him as best as you can! You are NTA and not at all overreacting to anything he is doing. Please do not stay with him as you are not only putting yourself in danger, but also your future child. Find a support group and hold onto them because he will not change. Take care of yourself and your baby


[deleted]

Do you have somewhere safe you can go? You need to go there now.


tetrisOnATI83

Oh that’s fucking rich. YOU should be the one mad at HIM. Holy crap, leave him. Anyone who says Reddit is too quick to tell people to leave their SO has not seen this post. You’re literally dating a pile of trash. He does nothing and stinks up your whole world. You and your baby deserve better. Leave him.


Fianna9

Sounds like he’s not willing to deal with something that is a huge problem in a relationship. You need to be able to count on your partner in an emergency.


AcceptableLoquat

You said in an earlier post this is a side account because you didn't want him seeing it on your main. If that's the case then you've just outed yourself by telling him about this post, and should either get out or erase your tracks. Preferably both. Please be safe.


TheAngerMonkey

Woof. Girl. Your post history is nothing but red flags. Leave this boy.


Ladyughsalot1

Get to a friend or family member’s house. Now. Pack what you need and get out quickly and quietly. I will be downvoted for this abrupt and cold advice but you need it You have the right to remain in an abusive relationship if you feel you are not ready to leave. You do not have the right to bring children into an abusive relationship. Your boss has your back. You have resources available. It will ramp up when baby is here and your child will be in danger. It is unfortunately on you to advocate for them and yourself and get out safely and promptly.


thecuddlers

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 red flags all round


NinjaDefenestrator

*reads post history* Oh dear. You and your kid are eleven kinds of fucked if you stay with this dude. NTA, but you should do whatever it takes to leave him and put as much distance between you and him as possible.


Sammy_tortoise

Yep. People who don't want to change don't change. He's shown his true colours multiple times. Get out so you can fpcus on the kid and maybe get an actual nights sleep. All the best and virtual hugs to OP.


Historical_Elk_

She need to straight up ghost. Baby daddy strikes me as someone that'll do something drastic


lilmiscantberong

Red flag new momma to be. If he's not jumping at the chance to be with you now in your time of need, he's not going to change anywhere soon down the road. I hope it works out for the best for you. I had to live the same realization and it's just awful.


Accomplished_Kick181

Absolutely NTA. Wtf? Who leaves their pregnant gf in the ER to play video games? Even if hes scared of hospital, i doubt its worse than being scared of losing your child. Its HIS child too, and HIS gf. His gf is in pain and promised to go to the hospital, even getting an offer for transportation but he ignored it all for a game.


Icy_Appeal4472

That’s the point, he didn’t bend over backwards to be there for her. Care when she came home. He played a stupid video game, he does not seem emotionally invested in this child at all


lilEve77

Oh honey, you are NTA. He is. Who leaves their pregnant partner alone at such a scary time to play videogames? And now he is hiding behind a phobia of hospitals? That is not a man. That is a boy. And you deserve so much better. I know you are expecting a baby, but I think you’ll find you will be the only parent and responsible adult among the three of you. I hope your baby is born healthy and I wish you an easy pregnancy. Good luck.


CadenceQuandry

Reading the post and some of your replies - oh man. Your baby daddy is a child. Men step up when needed. Boys run away and play video games and ignore the world. Absolutely not ok. I think you need to consider if you want to stay with someone who completely ignores your needs for their own. Years ago when dating my husband, I got a cryptic message that he’d been injured and was at the hospital. I called ten different hospitals. Found him. And drove an hour to go be with him. That’s what people in relationships do. My ex husband on the other hand used to play Bs games like your bf - our daughter was very sick. Had to be admitted to hospital because she was so dehydrated her eyes were getting sunken. He didn’t visit except once on the first day because I needed stuff for us at the hospital. We spent five days there and he sulked at home that I wasn’t there looking after him. So. I’m saying this with perspective of one who’s been there and one who is in a better place now. This type of behavior doesn’t change or get better. Only worse. Extricate yourself now before you cannot. Good luck.


[deleted]

Info: is this the same guy from previous posts?


TamedTaurus

Previous posts? *Posts?!* As in plural? Now you have to link those.


Unusual_Individual93

Go to OP's profile. There are posts from 1+ year about him abusing her.


Professional_Page730

It's tragic some of what she says, about him screaming at her before she goes to work and she seems scared of waking him in the mornings 😔


jrssister

I’d bet money it is.


EastLeastCoast

NTA, and bf is a gaslighting jerk.


soul_and_fire

NTA. and you already have a baby - your BF. these are massive red flags. his fear of hospitals and doctors and desire to play video games with his friends overrode his fear for his unborn child’s life. I so hope everything works out for you, but be prepared to do all the tough stuff alone.


Many-Example-1747

Nta. Your boyfriend sounds pathetic. He had 2 ways to get to the hospital, if he gave a shit, he would of been there. He wanted to play video games instead. If I were you, I'd be contemplating going at it alone because it seems like you already going to be doing everything alone anyways.


paperbackedsea

yta for having a baby with this man even though you’ve been posting about him in r/abusiverelationships for a year...


gnimmuc6898

NTA big ol’ major red flag the size of North America. Inconsiderate of HIS feelings?! that what, he felt that videogames were more important than supporting his partner when they may be losing his child? His fear was an obnoxious excuse because he didn’t want to stop playing videogames. That’s the kind of person he is. That’s not boyfriend or father material frankly. Did he even want to get pregnant? if he didn’t and he’s showing how non-committed he is to you and the child, you should leave. He’s toxic to turn it around to you being inconsiderate, like really


[deleted]

INFO: how many posts are you going to make about this man before you leave him? Are you going to allow him to abuse your child like he abuses you? When are you going to take some agency over yourself? Please seal help. Your child needs you to be an advocate.


[deleted]

NTA this man couldnt care less you, at the time for all you knew, were possibly losing his own child, you think he's gonna be great father material? He doesnt sound like he has a phobia especially if he's first blaming lack of a ride, it sounds like he didnt want to do it especially if he's off playing videogames ignoring his PREGNANT GIRLFRIENDS phone calls, SEVEN of them. And his response is basically "well im gonna make you do something you're scared of" when you were pressing him as to why he wasnt **comforting his pregnant gf in a BIG time of need** You dont need any more red flags, he bought them all.


Sufficient-Opening57

BREAK UP WITH HIM OMG WHAT THE FUCK. If my boyfriend chose VIDEOGAMES OVER VISITING ME IN THE HOSPITAL PREGNANT I would actually kill him no joke.


Codename_Jelly

NTA no and if that was me I woulda told my mates I had to leave and they would too and would have gone with you on the initial visit. Your BF sounds very immature and doesn't seem too concerned about your health or the health of yours and his child. Bus, Car, Taxi, Uber, Trains hell your own two damned legs. Inconsiderate of his feelings????? Honestly id get as far away from him as possible, he made every excuse to stay with his mates and was only half with you on the phone. I absolutely hate hospitals, they make me uneasy and try to avoid them as much as possible but if this ever happened to me id be sucking that fear up and sitting in there with my arm around my partner whilst waiting.


Ultrabigasstaco

YTA After reading your post history you should’ve broken up with this monster a year ago, you know he’s like this. You know he’s abusive. You’re doing this to yourself. YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM


idontneedyourclosure

NTA. And these are huge red flags. Have you discussed your birthing plan? Contingencies in emergencies? I suggest doing this with a close friend or family member at this point, he seems unreliable and you and your baby should not be in distress.


Many-Example-1747

She responded to someone else who asked this & said he won't be in the delivery room with her because he claims he won't he able to handle it & that if baby has an emergency or dr appt, she will get to handle it because "it's her job". Boyfriend sounds like a piece of work.


positivepeoplehater

Why, in any universe, are you with this person??? Jesus. YTA for not dumping him long ago holy crap


Craniumology

NTA. How would he feel if he were in the hospital and you didn't go visit him? No one *likes* hospitals especially being a patient there. I feel that if he wanted to support you without having to face his fears of going to the hospital, he could have supported you in other ways (such as having some friends or your boss bring you your stuff including a phone charger, being on the phone with you without being distracted, and otherwise being emotionally available to help you through that time). Your boyfriend sounds like a dink for prioritizing video games over your health and safety.


plushiemancer

INFO, does he actually have a legitimate phobia of hospitals?


No-one-wants-me

He constantly just says he doesn’t like doctors. He broke his hips in the army and had to spend a lot of time at hospitals. He refuses to go to the doctor for himself at all now. He’s gone to the ER with me once before I was pregnant so I didn’t think it extended to when other people were the patient.


AffectionateEscape13

Even if he has a legitimate phobia of doctors and hospitals (which I'm highly skeptical), if he truly cared, he would have tried. He would have not been able to focus on his game and stayed on the phone with you. He would have gone to the hospital, but maybe stayed outside. Instead, HE DESERTED YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED HIM TO PLAY VIDEOGAMES


HotAudience6110

He’s about to be a dad. If his fear is legitimate, Any half decent man would put himself in therapy to be able to get over it so he can support his wife and take care of his kid. Ditch this loser.


FireflyExotica

NTA. Your post history has me pretty terrified here, OP. Is this the same guy from your previous posts? I know this isn't about that specifically, but if this is the same guy that makes your post even more terrifying and would change how severe my judgment is.


hummingbird1969

NTA: and you know you’re not- IMO: this is the person you’re going to be bringing a child into this world with- if you stay with him get used to disappointment- doesn’t sound like he’s mature enough for a relationship- and certainly not mature enough to be a father to a child. Hope you are ok.


ElectricMoccoson

INFO: "I was ignoring his fear of hospitals and doctors" Can you elaborate on this please? Has he always avoided doctors and hospitals, or is the first time? How long have you known about his fear of hospitals and doctors? EDIT: NTA - You aren't wrong for wanting your boyfriend to support you but from what you've told me, he does sound like he has a legitimate fear of doctors. It's possible that being in the ER freaked him out and set off a few alarm bells. We don't know because neither you nor he have communicated about this. However, him shutting down any communication was a dick move to do. What is he going to do if his kid gets hurt and needs medical attention, patiently wait and play video games? The best thing to do is to sit him down and both talk about this. Point out that you are going to need his support and that he needs to seriously to someone about his fear of hospitals. There's over the phone appointments or online help available. I wish you the best of luck with the newborn.


No-one-wants-me

He constantly just says he doesn’t like doctors. He broke his hips in the army and had to spend a lot of time at hospitals. He refuses to go to the doctor for himself at all now. He’s gone to the ER with me once before I was pregnant so I didn’t think it extended to when other people were the patient.


[deleted]

NTA. So what's his/your plan when your child gets born and has to go to the doctor/hospital? Is he going to "nope" outta all those appointments, too? You don't manage an anxiety disorder by avoiding the thing that gives you anxiety. The only way out is through. So your boyfriend is selfish, immature, and full of shit. If your bf can't grow up enough to be present for you and your baby *now* when the stakes are low, what kind of father do you think he is going to make, especially when times get tough? Good parents put their children first, even when it scares them. If you're committed to making this partnership and family work, I would seek out counseling asap. Make it a condition or something. Your bf needs to grow the fuck up, and fast. Otherwise, you'll end up having to parent 2 children and I'm sure you don't want that.


itstheweathergirll

NTA but get ready for wayyyy more of the same if you stay with this guy.


uberpop

NTA and you should probably mentally prepare yourself to raise this baby alone. There’s no way this guy is sticking around — unless you’re supporting him financially, in which case you’ll have two dependents.


SlothyGirl42069

For this situation you are NTA but Y-T-A to yourself for staying with this boy. You’ve made multiple posts about how terribly he treats you and how abusive he is to you already so OP you need to GTFO not only for your sake but for the sake of the baby. If he’s treating you like this he’s going to treat your baby the same if not treat you both even worse. Please leave before reddit sees a news story about a murdered pregnant woman because she interrupted her abusive boyfriends game time. Leave.


xonoodlerolls

NTA It's not that your BF dislikes hospitals. He dislikes responsibility and apparently lacks basic empathy that you need to take care of somebody other than himself, much less you, and much less your baby. I would suggest sitting him down and having a SERIOUS discussion on what exactly both of your expectations are for the roles of the relationship when the baby is due. Do not just let him "joke" that it will be your responsibility because when it comes down to it, he will hold you to those "jokes." Also if your boyfriend isn't being helpful and going to appointments with you, make sure you have all of your medical decisions surrounding the birth known with the hospital beforehand. Because if it comes down to it, I doubt your bf is going to know or remember if he can't even be bothered to go to your regular appointments!!!!


cupcakecounter

Does that mean he won’t be at the hospital for his child’s birth?