By - Papabear_AITA
# This includes calling anyone in the story a 'racist bitch' - it being said in the post doesn't mean you can break rule one.
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NTA-While I’m all for not encouraging disrespectful or vulgar behavior I think exceptions can be made and this was the right time to make one.
Seriously. The kid knows what happened and why.
Yep. Save swearing for special occasions. This qualifies.
Yup! Totally qualifies as chaotic good swearing.
That was my parents policy on swearing. I only swore I from of them once (put deodorant on too soon after shaving). Did no harm to me or my brother.
It hurts bad.
I'd be proud my kid knows when it's appropriate to swear in front of me.
Uhg I've worked construction my whole life and I can't stop casual swearing. It's a shitty habit especially when you're around civilized people or kids.
Or... or... Teach them swear words are just... ya know... words! and that they should save justified anger and/or hostility for special occasions. Don't put it in their heads that what they said was not harmful just because they did not curse. "Dad, I didnt curse though... I just told him he was a worthless idiot..." Teach them tone and intent behind words matter and that words are just words.
Besides at least she used the words correctly. Being hateful with cuss words is normally not ok but to a degree there is a element of "don't want to be called that then don't behave like one." That woman definitely fits the mold of a racist b**.
Best way not to be called a racist/bitch/AH etc? Don't be one
I was so ready to be all Y T A, but in this case the kid is slightly older and able to understand the connotations around the word b*itch. While it wouldn't be my curse of choice for that poor excuse of a human being I think it was totally justified in this case. Big massive NTA.
To avoid sounding misogynistic, I have opted for using asshole in place where I used to use bit*h, this lady sounds more like a racist fu*k.
Edit: I see my formatting error and accept it cause it still works.
I agree. There's a whole beautiful world of creative cursing out there if you don't fall back on tired old misogynistic tropes. It's a challenge I relish and enjoy!
This. If the lady didn’t want to be called a racist bitch, she should have acted less racist and bitchy.
"Now sweetie, it's not right to use that kind of language and I want to make sure you know that. As punishment here's an ice cream. Thanks for standing up for daddy"
Yup. That was a perfectly fitting response.
Yup. I literally know not one white person who got accused of stealing their adopted asian children. It's totally because he's black.
NTA. Context is everything in this scenario.
NTA. There's a time and a place for that kind of behavior, and this was it.
If I learned anything from my dad, it was that swearing is best reserved for when you really mean it. Too often and it loses emphasis. The daughter here did it right.
NTA, OP if you see this comment, please tell your daughter that while it's generally impolite to swear, sometimes there's no reasoning with rude people and you just have to shut them down. And that she made an internet stranger literally laugh out loud, high five.
NTA. But maybe let her know that calling out racists is a good thing, but name calling is not. But definitely give her a pass.
Saying she shouldn't be namecalling and punishing for it are 2 separate things
Calling a spade a spade is not name calling. If you’re racist, you’re a racist. Is it hard to understand that racist people are potentially DANGEROUS and should be identified? “Bitch” is name calling bc it’s meant to be a derogatory word. “Racist” is just an identifier, like tall.
I think it'd be more important to let her know that while calling out racists is a good thing there are a lot of people who'll start a fight over being called out, even if the girl is right it can be dangerous.
Look if someone wants to be racist, then they get to deal with the consequences of being called a b☆tch.
NTA and your daughter has some inspiring cahones. Nurture that.
Agree! For a young woman of 13 to speak clearly and confidently in a formal setting, then be able to turn on a dime to verbally throw down in the street... OP's family is clearly doing everything right.
Nta. Nope don’t care, doesn’t matter. Linda is a racist bitch and she deserves to be called out. The fact that you are used to shit like this happening to you genuinely breaks my heart.
I'd argue she's also sexist. Would this situation have taken place if OP were female?
Yep, it absolutely would have. I've heard endless stories from WOC whose children are biracial or adopted from a different race, where those mothers are either assumed to be the nanny/babysitter or else taking a child that doesn't belong to them.
Remember the dad in the BBC interview whose little girl interrupted him? So many people assumed her mother was the nanny.
Probably, for this issue, racism trumps (like the card game, not the other one) sexism in this scenario. To be fair, this lady is probably also that type, so I am not saying it wouldn't happen if the man was with not-different-genetic-background kids, just that racism was probably a bigger driving factor here.
NTA. I probably would have given your daughter a high-five! She should feel empowered to stick up for her family. Yes, the parental thing to do would be to have a discussion about name calling and the like....but in that situation I don’t think she did anything wrong.
NTA. Linda got rightly called out for making an assumptions based solely on the fact that you don't look like your girls. Obviously adoption doesn't exist in Linda's fantasy world. I imagine one of the reasons your daughter did this is that she is also sick of people questioning weather or not you are her dad. Also I doubt Linda was waiting for someone. She was probably waiting to follow you into the parking lot so she could get your plate number & call the police. By responding the way she did, your daughter probably stopped a very uncomfortable visit from the police.
I think she wouldn't bat an eye at a *white* parent with two children of a different race.
That's the white saviour BS complex, when it's a white person adopting POC it's beautiful and aww, the opposite is suspicious 🤦🏻♀️ so wrong and annoying
Honestly the practice of butting in on other people's business grinds my gears. Stupid white people making us sane (or at least not nosy/racist/whatever) white people look bad.
I think there’s certainly a time and a place for it. There was a video of a woman in Britain who recently saved a child from being abducted *because* she was nosy about a situation that felt off. I’ve been saved as an adult by another girl myself when I was very out of it and a dude was trying to get me to follow him outside, as well as by an older woman when I was a teen and a man tried to separate me from my group in a train station. Men and women have both been saved by the nosiness and intervention of others before, and I don’t think being concerned for others is a bad thing at all.
In this situation, though, even if she was picking up on some kind of weird feeling & was not just doing it because of the race/gender disparity, the woman should have backed off after the older daughter confirmed he was her father, or gotten someone else involved from the get to feel it out.
Eh, don’t be so sure. I’ve firsthand witnessed 2 white fathers with children of a different race having the same thing happen to them, and have had heard about it happening to others as well. And also with fathers whose children are visibly the same race. Racism was likely part of what happened here, but I think a larger distrust of men with children also played into it.
NTA, you call a spade a spade!
NTA - Linda would not have done that to a woman, nor a white male. Your 13yr old acted like a normal 13yr old and whilst I would probably have a chat about more mature ways to handle it, good on her for calling a spade a spade.
She might have done it to a woman of color. I've heard stories of it happening, or else being confused for the nanny. I'm less certain she'd have done it to a white person.
Agreed! Just seems so weird. If I see kids out with an adult, I assume the person they are with is a parent.
She probably would have done it to a white male if the kids were a different race. Especially if the kids were girls. A lot of people still have the assumption that men alone with kids must be doing something dodgy.
NTA, and good on your daughter for cheeking Linda. I think 13 is old enough to be able to call out such bad behaviour.
NTA not one tiny bit
NTA. Normally I wouldn’t condone children being disrespectful but there are some cases where the person has shown their true colors and don’t deserve the respect. Plus she’s 13 years old, she understands the implications of what “Linda” was saying to you.
NTA. Maybe just let her know that she shouldn't resort to insults and stoop to their level, but definitely not punish them for standing up for themselves.
Also I just love the idea of a kidnapper who has kidnapped two kids and then thinking *"I need some clothes. I will go to target and bring my kidnapping victims with me!".*
They are buying clothes for the 7 years old one. Probably Linda was thinking a kidnapper would want to change their clothes to make them less identifiable.
My mom and I are different races and tbh she would've called Linda choice words if my sister or I didn't beat her to it. She defended herself
I mean if the shoe fits? Linda was being a racist sexist busy body. She assumed babysitter, and then when told father she assumed child predator. Not only that, but she wouldn't let it go like she was some kinda hero.
NTA - give your daughter a fist bump for me! Your daughter is clearly strong, knows where she stands, and knows what’s what with people like Linda. Although maybe caution her about that kind of behavior as she could get in serious trouble if she does that without you there to defend her if things go south, with her still being so young and all that.
NTA. Your daughter used it in the correct context against someone who in her mind, threatened her family. Offensive language is part of life.
Your daughter needs extra love and to feel safe, that stuff can do real psychological damage and have long term, knock on effects, even if you think she’s forgotten or she’s okay right now.
Kids are amazing at bottling away these memories and pulling them out later to examine and think over, finding ways to blame themselves or just reliving or rebuilding the anxiety.
Please please don’t just high five her for screaming out at a stranger- even though she was in the right. Rebuild positive associations with that store and strangers.
I am conflicted here. Earlier there was a post from the UK, with this exact same scenario, BUT the woman probably saved the girls life. She had already been sexually assaulted.
I don't blame your daughter for how she reacted, and I don't blame you for not reprimanded her. Just maybe show her that that woman was concerned for her safety.
Edit: [link here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/jn9v0f/this_morning_in_london_two_brave_women_rescue_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
OK her voice at the end made me tear up. I will say context is everything though. There's a difference between being in an alley or shuffling a child along as they look downtrodden and waiting for your kid to pick jeans at Target.
If the woman was truly concerned she could have notified staff instead of taking it upon herself. And it doesn't seem like he was being the least bit suspicious beyond his skin being a different color than theirs.
There's not any connection and the situations aren't even similar. I don't know what the other poster is trying to get at. A kid with an adult in Target versus a kid, alone with an adult in an alley -- totally different scenarios. Hell, if I saw an *adult* woman acting like that girl in the alley, I'd assume she's being abused/harassed/attacked too.
"Linda" made an ass of herself. It's all in the body language. When she confronted you, your 7yo drew closer to you -- LINDA was the threat, not you. And instead of backing off, she doubled down.
I want to give your 13 yr old a high five.
Well if the shoe fits NTA.
NTA, your 13 yo used it in perfect context.
NTA you should encourage this behaviour!
NTA. Swearing at strangers SHOULD be discouraged but I'd give her a pass here.
Your daughter should not be punished for standing up for herself NTA
Im a white-passing mixed child myself. My mother is the immigrant. There have been many times where people have behaved disgustingly towards my mother and assumed she was my nanny/refused to believe she was my biological mother. I wish I had the courage your daughter had to put them in their place when I was younger.
She was being a racist, and Im glad your children know that they dont need to put up with that.
NTA and neither is your daughter. Linda is. Why would your daughter need to be chastised for that?
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1) "Linda" was waiting for someone. She was waiting to ambush and harass and potentially sicc the police on you for having whiter skinned (Asian counts) kids while black (haitian counts)
If your colors were reversed, you were, say, korean and they were kenyan, she would have been fine with it. That's how colonialism works.
2) your daughter was right
3) your daughter probably prevented the escalation "Linda" had planned.
Call your daughter in, sit her down. Tell her that cjraing at people can be very disrespectful and holds a lot of weight. That making a common part.of your speech can gove others the wrong impression of you. But fuck it, that was the best time to use it, so I got us ice cream. NTA.
I am SUPER against swearing and was raised strictly without it but this is 100% justified.
This was not only racist as hell but also dangerous, asking you to step away from your children and leave them alone with a stranger, not to mention trying to force you to identify to another civilian because of the color of your skin.
No, screw that.
She seemed more like a racist alarmist rather than a kidnapper, but still that's obviously not an option.
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Ok so I(34M) have 5 kids 2 bio, 3 adopted. I'm black(Haitian) and my wife is mixed(White and Mexican).
So I was at Target shopping with 2 of my daughters (13F and 7F) they are both adopted from China. As we were looking at clothes for my 7YO a women(I'll call Linda, just seems fitting)came up to us and said "Excuse me, are you their babysitter because I'm sure their parents would want you to be distancing" I replied "I'm their father"
She looked shocked and then turned to my 7YO who has extreme social anxiety and said "Honey, is this man your father" my 7YO didn't reply and just turned and hugged my leg. Linda rolled her eyes and turned to my 13YO and asked the same thing.
She (Obviously annoyed) replied "Yes he is", then Linda said "I can see both of them are hesitant to answer" or something like that. I get this type of thing a lot but it was starting to be a little more than normal.
Then she said to me "How about you step away for a minute so she can tell me the truth" I was getting pissed and said "No I'm staying right here with my children" She started saying things like "If you were really their father you wouldn't be scared to let her answer"
My 13YO said something like "He's my dad what do you want me to say? Can we keep shopping now?" And Linda said "It's ok honey I'm here to help" Then an employee came over and asked if there was a problem. Linda basically said exactly what happened as if everything she was saying was perfectly reasonable. The employee basically said for her to leave us alone. She insisted that he ask of identification so I can prove we all have the same last name.
Now heres where I could be TA: The employee said that we didn't have to do that. Finally when it was over Linda left the store and we went to check out, as we were leaving the store Linda's car was parked infront and I think she was waiting for someone. My 13YO gave her the finger and called her a "racist b\*tch". Now I didn't encourage it because she rarely curses in public but I didn't want to punish her. I was telling my sister everything and she said I should've at least to my daughter that even though she was mad she shouldn't have cursed but I don't think so, AITA?
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Lol nah, it's good for your kids to stand up for themselves, even against adults. NTA
Give her a reward?
All racist Linda's should be called out as racists all the time, IMO. They should never escape it.
NTA- I think your daughter forgot to add sexist
NTA. The provocation was extreme, and it's more healthy for a young person to speak up after such injustice.
That said, I would like to encourage you to discuss alternatives to gendered slurs with your kids. In those moments when it's time to cuss someone out, it's nice to have some alternatives to the tired, sexist old b-word.
You wouldn't be OK with your kids using racial slurs, so why should gendered ones be OK? Besides, I think it has more impact if you use something we haven't all heard a million times before.
But your daughter was completely right to call the woman out.
The key to intelligent swearing is timing, your daughter did it correctly and gets a pass.
NTA. It would be a great time to open a dialogue with your kids about how to handle this in the future. As far as I know, young children don't carry around picture IDs. How can you "prove" your children are your children? (I don't know, I'm asking.) It's horrible that it happens, but unfortunately it does happen.
NTA, but it’s a teachable moment.
NTA unless you didn’t take her out for ice cream afterwards! Lol. Someone needed to say it to Linda so good for her.
Perfectly normal reaction and appropriate use of profanity.
NTA. When I was 5 years old I was outside playing with my best friend, my mom was upstairs with the baby. A group of older kids (13 or 14yos) came by and made fun of him for wearing a yarmulke. According to my mom (I don't remember this happening), I said, "You motherf\*\*\*\*\*s, you leave my friend alone." My mom had two questions (neither of which she asked me): 1. Where did I learn that word (honestly my parents don't swear much at all and I never used that word before or since), 2. How had I known how to use it correctly?
NTA, your daughter was calling it how it was.
I'd be totally fine with your 7 year old doing that.
I dunno, I'm kinda mixed.
Obviously she clocked you being different races and it must suck to deal with that constantly.
But at the same time, a man in London was arrested yesterday or day before and it was exactly the same situation. He abducted a girl, a woman questioned if they were okay, he said they were family and kept walking...she DIDN'T give up, she pushed and followed, kept asking "do you know him?"...eventually he left and the poor girl ran up to her crying. Man has since been arrested for rape.
If she had just left it after the guy said "we're family" that girl might not be around now.
So yeah, I dunno how to vote. Just a cautionary tale
The guy in London was hustling a crying girl with his hand over her mouth.
Apples and oranges
NTA - I get so tired of people acting like cursing is the end of the world
Obviously NTA, but also - she's beyond irrational. What kind of ID with a family name on it does she think a 7 and a 13 year-old carry around with them?
I am white, raised by a black step father, and had this kind of interaction more than I care to remember. Your daughter used harsh words correctly, in a situation that called for it. You didn't encourage her, cheer her on, or reward her for it, so you did nothing wrong.
13 is plenty old enough to understand that interaction, and she stood up for her sister, father & family beautifully. I would say that you are doing a pretty good job as a father!
NTA - sounds like your teaching your kids to stand up for themselves
Sounds like excellent parenting! NTA.
maybe it’s because i’m young but most definitely NTA and I wish I could give your daughter a high five for knocking Linda down a peg or two and calling her out. I’m proud of her lol
NTA. Young lady called it like she saw it.
Your daughter spoke the truth and I'm very proud she wasn't afraid to <3
Your 13YO is awesome! Good for her, standing up to racism!
NTA she was a racist B.
NTA. You’re raising good kids.
NTA. It's the same impulse that makes us same "moo" everytime we pass a cow while driving, or say "KITTY!" every time we see a cat. It's just the impulse to say what we see.
Plus, you don't want to encourage your daughter to start lying, do you?
NTA. I don't think parents should encourage their kids to swear at people in general, but in this circumstance, she was totally justified. Get that kid some ice cream!
INFO: Just to be clear for my own curiosity, could Linda hear your kid? Either way, N T A.
Lol then double NTA. No harm (except to a racist busybody), no foul.
NTA The 13yo knows what was happening and why. But you might want to talk to the 7yo to make sure she understands why older sis was given a pass.
I hope Linda got a good snack in the brain being called a racist b*tch by a 13 year old
QUalified swearing reasons, that checks out.
NTA. I am half Native American, two of my boys are adopted and Hispanic and my birth kids dad is so white, he is almost clear.
I have been asked, "where did you get the Bario Boy?"
"Where did you get your kids?"
Chicago. Not another country,
People are jerks.
NTA and INFO: how hard did you laugh?
NTA, take your 13 YO out for ice cream instead.
NTA. She even used the word correctly. Sounds like a smart lil fighter
NTA. You should encourage disrespectful behaviour towards people who deserve it. You should also have applauded your daughter's behaviour right there, in front of the Linda, in order to spite her.
I don't think it's wrong for anyone to call a spade a spade. NTA.
NTA. As my 8 year old says, swearing is just words that people use when normal words aren't enough.
NTA, the kid needed to get that out of her system 😂
Situation sucks. The woman clearly is a racist B. Maybe talk to your daughter & help her understand that being the bigger person is beneficial and she doesn't need to stoop to the level of racist people. A conversation is in order but your daughter doesn't deserve punishment.
Also sorry on behalf of non racist white women. I really hate our country right now.
IMO it's an important life skill for any 13yr old to identify a racist bitch when she sees one, carry on dad.
NTA. That said since most kids resemble their parents it's a bit of a red flag when they don't and could indicate kidnapping. If your kids knew they were adopted you can mention that and then ask for an apology from her end. Imo the moment your kid hugged your leg to get away from her should have been the end of it.
That was when the woman went too far. Total nutcase.
I don’t mean to joke about a serious situation. You NTA, and to be light hearted, she DID use it in a correct context.
My mom never really cared if we cursed so long as we used to word right lol
Def NTA though, OP!
NTA She deserved it, and also who has the balls to say something like that to a random family. Blows my mind.
NTA she was a racist and likely a female dog too.
NTA your daughter sounds amazing! Good job dad!
NTA. There are times when such language gets a pass. And that lady was definitely racist.
NTA. Normally I don't support using foul language but for this occasion its warranted.
NTA. Your kid was 100% correct.
NTA - in life there are some horrible people who deserve to be called out and your daughter all power to her! I wouldn't have been able to do that 13, she's awesome!
Wow, I was ready to crucify you based on the title, but definitely NTA.
At 13 I was cursing like a sailor out of school.
😂 Surprisingly when I started cursing in school, nobody cared
NTA, your kid is spot on. I'd be proud if that was my kid.
NTA (and neither is your daughter!!)
The English language is wonderful, there are words for all occasions.
We have special words that we treasure and save for only the most special of occasions... She nailed it.
NTA. Good on your daughter for calling her out. I'd be proud of her!
NTA this is an appropriate moment for foul language. You don't respond courteously to harassment and you shouldn't teach your daughter that she is supposed to.
NTA. Some people deserve to be called out.
NTA. Your daughter was right.
NTA- My views on how children should be raised in regards to swearing are, at least I think, not very common. While it would be good if nobody in the world ever used any foul language, we are humans. We have complex emotions that are limited in expression by our language. If a person is trying to express a thought or feeling it is important that they should be allowed to use the vocabulary of their language. This can get a bit questionable when you get into racial slurs, but that doesn't apply here. Your daughter was technically "rude," but there is are some sayings: "fight fire with fire" (rudeness with rudeness) and "a taste of your/their own medicine." What that woman did and how she acted was very rude, condescending, and possibly hurtful. With that in mind, I think that it is totally 100% acceptable for a person, especially somebody who is old enough to understand social situations, to say those words and act that way. It might be important to tell your daughter that you are not 100% ok with what she did but that she is not in trouble, you just want her to act differently in that situation.
I think in this situation your 13-year-old was perfectly justified in her swearing.
But maybe remind her that she should only do that when she knows she's safe? God knows what Linda or Linda's redneck husband with a 12 gauge would consider acceptable.
NTA you're the best kind of parent. Your daughter is going to have the "I'm nice if you're nice but I won't take your shit" attitude and that's the best you could have.
NTA. Your daughter was clutching at your leg trying to hide from the woman and she kept going! How dare she?! Kudos to you for keeping your cool- I’m totally on team Miss 13!
People did this to my family when I was younger too. One time a lady grabbed my brother and immediately began screaming nonsense. Mark me down as scared and embarrassed. I would've loved to tell off the people that pulled that crap, only happened a few times but it made an impact.
NTA— but I would have a talk with your kids about how saying things like that could possibly put them in danger. People out there are crazy.
NTA but i'd recommend teaching your kid to think it rather than say it, might be a problem in the future
Nope. NTA. We're at a point in our society (speaking for us Americans here), that we need to start calling out this wretched behavior in a bold way. We can't turn away anymore, "be the bigger person". That's obviously not working.
And it's so damn inspiring to see a 13 year old girl doing just that. Celebrate her! She will be the change...
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NTA. Your daughter is young and likely shouldn’t be swearing like that, but in this instance she’s not wrong at all
Look I do think you should talk to your kids about what happened.
And let the 13yr old know that maybe cursing is not helpful etc however don't punish her or anything just talk (as it might be a lot to deal with!) And let her know maybe not do that neyt time....in the end your daughter wasn't exactly wrong.
Anyways we all know who the asshole is here
You go kiddo *insert high five*
This Woman was clearly harassing you and your daughters and lingering in front of the store to probably hurl more bs your way. You and your daughters are NTA, this woman on the other hand is and should learn to mind her own business asap.
But maybe have a talk with your kids about addressing racists that won't get them in trouble. This time it was totally fitting but if the racist person is violent and possibly armed they could be in for a nasty surprise if they aggravate the person.
NTA - your daughter needed an outlet to the appalling behaviour that had been forced upon you all. I imagine she found it extremely cathartic.
She didn’t do anything wrong by saying the truth 🤷🏼♀️
NTA but maybe tell her next time to handle it a little differently. The sentiment was 100% correct. Interracial relationships exist and transracial adoption exists and people like Linda need to get their brains into the 21st century.