T O P
HuiOdy

1. No more online friends, only real life people 2. Learn body language 3. Find something you are passionate about (hobby, sport, topic in school) and roll more with that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


throwawayaccmeow

What if in fact that the toxic people are my family members ?


ParkingPsychology

> I realized that I have low self esteem and it ruined my friendship with my online friend. Here's what to do if you have self esteem issues: The first step would be to try and confirm that, so we know if you should take a closer look or not. One of the most commonly tools used to asses your self esteem is called the ["Rosenberg self-esteem scale"](https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm). This test will take less than 5 minutes and will immediately give you the results. You should answer quickly and without overthinking the answers. If you scored above 15, then you likely don't have self esteem issues and you can probably disregard the rest of this answer. If you scored below 15 or you already know for sure you have self esteem issues, keep reading. If you are not sure if you really have self esteem issues, then [here's a page of 10 warning signs that you have low self esteem](https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-warning-signs-that-you-have-low-self-confidence.html). Read it and you can confirm yourself if the below advice applies to you or not. [What is self esteem?](https://www.lifehack.org/688465/how-to-build-self-esteem) self-esteem is the overall sense or feeling you have about your own self-worth or self-value. Causes of Low Self-Esteem: * An Unhappy Childhood * Traumatic Experiences * Experiences of Failure * Negative Self-Talk Here is a short overview of how to improve your self esteem: 1. **Identify and challenge your negative beliefs**. * Notice when you are thinking negative things about yourself. And ask yourself, is it really that bad? More than likely you are exaggerating the issue, which just pulls yourself down. * Get in the habit of stopping yourself when all you do is think negatively about yourself. 2. **Identify the positive things about yourself**. * Thinking positively about yourself is a big part of improving your self esteem. Occasionally just pause and think about all the positive attributes you have. you could also set a repeating alarm on your phone and do this once a week for a few minutes. 3. **Build positive relationships and avoid negative ones**. * If someone makes you feel bad, it might be time to leave them behind or avoid being around them. 4. **Don't be too hard on yourself**. * Life's really hard. For you, for me, for everyone. You shouldn't totally let yourself off the hook, but you can't be constantly trashing yourself either. It needs to be balanced. 5. **Learn to stand up for yourself**. * You have to increase your assertiveness. If that is a problem you deal with, let me know and I will give you separate advice for that. 6. **Challenge yourself**. * If you always avoid testing yourself and proofing that you can do complicated things, you'll just end up with a self esteem that's worse and worse. Pick the right challenge. It's alright if it's hard, but it shouldn't be impossible. 7. **See yourself how others see you** * Take a moment to think how othe people view you. What do they notice? What do they love about you? What do they see in you? 7. **Do your best** * To really improve your self esteem, you're going to have to *try*. And that can be hard, especially if you're dealing with other issues (so don't forget, don't be too hard on yourself - but still *put in the effort*). You're going to need to convince *yourself*, that you're really not all that bad. And you can't do that, unless you try. And I mean really try. * Finding a meaning in life can help (and I can give you advice for that, if you currently lack a goal in life). * Motivational techiques and goals can help (and I can give you advice for that as well). Additional self esteem improvement tips: * **Sleep**: [How Sleep Impacts Your Self-Esteem](https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/04/how-sleep-impacts-your-self-esteem), a second source: [How to Boost Your Self-esteem by Sleeping More](https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-to-boost-your-self-esteem-by-sleeping-more-f05cb0ac751a). If you can't fall sleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's [cheap](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JJ9TQA/), OTC and [is scientifically proven](https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-940/melatonin) to help regulate your sleep pattern. [Also, rule](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20120330/sleep-apnea-linked-depression#1) out [sleep apnea](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/sleep-apnea-treatment-resistant-depression). Up to 6% of people have this, [but not everyone knows](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/features/sleep-apnea-clues#1). If you find yourself often awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't look at the clock, don't do anything interesting. We're trying to *bore* you to sleep, not keep you entertained - sometimes it might *feel* like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not all that long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers and starts thinking, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing, whatever you prefer. If that still doesn't work and you really want to sleep, [buy a dodow](https://www.amazon.com/Dodow-Device-300-000-Falling-Asleep/dp/B00ZFOB4BK/) * **Exercise**: [Self Esteem and exercise](https://www.selfesteemawareness.com/self-esteem-and-exercise/), a second source: [How Does Exercise Affect Your Self-Esteem?](https://www.livestrong.com/article/438937-how-does-exercise-affect-your-self-esteem/) If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. There exist a large amount of self help articles out there, but many will try to sell you their self help books. Here are a few that don't do that: * [A psychologist with 20 years of experience says there are 5 simple ways to improve your self-esteem](https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-build-your-self-esteem-2017-3) * [8 Steps to Improving Your Self-Esteem](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem) * [18 Self-Esteem Worksheets and Activities for Teens and Adults (+PDFs)](https://positivepsychology.com/self-esteem-worksheets/) [Here is some information](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201312/10-sources-low-self-esteem) on what [causes self esteem issues](http://www.goodchoicesgoodlife.org/choices-for-young-people/boosting-self-esteem/), in case you're wondering how you ended up with it. The most popular videos on improving your self esteem: * [Self Esteem - Understanding & Fixing Low Self-Esteem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeLpvgAVtU8) * [How to Build Self-Esteem - The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhuabY4DmEo) These are the most popular books to improve your self esteem: * [The Self-Esteem Workbook](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-Schiraldi-PhD/dp/1626255938) (4.6 star, 1000+ reviews - Highly recommended!) * [Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1626253935) (4.6 star, 600+ reviews) Finally, there are two subreddits that you can join and where you can ask specific questions to people that have faced the same problems you are facing today: * /r/selfesteem/ * /r/confidence/ (active community specifically focused on boosting your confidence) Low self esteem [often causes depression](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201302/is-low-self-esteem-making-you-vulnerable-depression). So it would be a good idea to rule that out as well. [Here's a simple test](https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/depression-quiz/) that will help you determine if that's has happened to you (you get the answer directly and it doesn't take more than 5 minutes to take). Answer how you've felt in the last **week**. Let me know if you scored over 30 on this test and I'll give you advice on how to combat your depression as well. Self esteem issues [can cause anxiety issues](https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/why-people-with-low-self-esteem-experience-anxiety). Here's a [two minute test for anxiety](https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/anxiety-quiz) you can take that will give us an idea roughly how anxious you are, you should fill out how you've felt in the last **month**. Let me know if you scored over 30. Self esteem problems [can cause social anxiety issues](https://www.verywellmind.com/self-esteem-and-social-anxiety-4158220). Here's a [two minute test for *social* anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-tests/social-anxiety-test.shtml) to check if you have social anxiety issues and not something else (results will be visible right away). Let me know if you scored over 60. If you can't improve your self esteem after a few months, consider going to a therapist.


throwawayaccmeow

I did the social anxiety test and I scored a 85. I scored a 52 on the anxiety one


ParkingPsychology

Oof. That's no good. Social anxiety *can* be treated and generally only [takes 12 to 16 weeks to be cured](https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/treatments-social-anxiety-disorder). [Verify that it is actually social anxiety.](https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/social-anxiety/signs-symptoms-social-anxiety/) The preferred way to do address your disorder is by going to a specialist that's trained in curing (social) anxiety. Your medical insurance might limit what therapist is accessible for you. If so, go to your doctor and ask for a referral to a therapist specialized in anxiety disorders, or if the doctor has no access to that information, ask for a CBT Therapist. [You can also use this to search for a specialist in your area that is specialized in Social Anxiety](https://members.adaa.org/search/custom.asp?id=4685), select Social Anxiety from the drop down menu. This will likely be someone that is [specialized in CBT.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy) A small number of people that are treated will fall back in their old patterns and will have to go for a second round (which has a much higher success rate, so don't give up if that happens!). Those people also have the option to try medication instead, by going to a psychiatrists. Some people will respond better to medicine and some better to therapy, you won't know in which category you fall, unless you've tried both. If you want to or have to solve this by yourself, if you put in enough effort, you will improve your symptoms. If you go this route, I suggest you set a deadline for yourself, then contact a specialist if you can't meet it. Resolve social anxiety yourself: * [Living With Social Anxiety Disorder](https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-social-anxiety-disorder-3024836) * [Self Treatment for Social Anxiety Disorder](http://panicfreeme.com/2601/self-treatment-for-social-anxiety-disorder) * [Social Anxiety Disorder: Symptoms, Self-Help & Treatment](https://undepress.net/social-anxiety) The best and quickest way to deal with anxiety, is to face your fear. [If you always avoid situations that scare you](https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/overcome-fear-anxiety), you might stop doing things you want or need to do. You won't be able to test out whether the situation is always as bad as you expect, so you miss the chance to work out how to manage your fears and reduce your anxiety. Anxiety problems tend to increase if you get into this pattern. Exposing yourself to your fears can be an effective way of overcoming this anxiety. *[The experience of anxiety involves nervous system arousal.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201009/overcoming-fear-the-only-way-out-is-through) If your nervous system is not aroused, you cannot experience anxiety. Understandably, but unfortunately, most people attempt to cope with feelings of anxiety by avoiding situations or objects that elicit the feelings. Avoidance, however, prevents your nervous system from habituating. Therefore, avoidance guarantees that the feared object or situation will remain novel, and hence arousing, and hence anxiety provoking. Moreover, avoidance tends to generalize over time. If you avoid the elevator at work, you will soon begin to avoid all elevators, and then all buildings that house elevators. Soon enough, you'll be living in a prison of avoidance.* * **Sleep**: [Good sleep is very important when treating *general* anxiety](https://www.anxiety.org/sleep-a-fundamental-cure-for-anxiety) * **Exercise**: [The effect of exercise on *general* anxiety](https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/exercising) * **Give lots of hugs**: [Hugs release oxytocin](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging), which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a [weighted blanket](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=weighted+blanket) will provide a [similar positive effect at night](https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/do-weighted-blankets-work#benefits). [You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day](https://psychology-spot.com/brain-needs/) (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time). * **Meditation** is [scientifically proven to work for *social* anxiety](https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/9337/a41a5660ebf9fb88a5f8697ba80b8dc126e3.pdf). Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have over it. [Mindfulness training](https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started) will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here if you have specific questions: /r/Meditation Here are a few articles basically saying over and over that meditation can reduce social anxiety. It has been widely studied and is commonly accepted: * [How Do I Practice Mindfulness Meditation for Social Anxiety Disorder?](https://www.verywellmind.com/meditation-for-social-anxiety-3024211) * [Reduce Social Anxiety with This Mindfulness Meditation](https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2019/6/reduce-social-anxiety-with-this-mindfulness-meditation) * [Treating Social Anxiety with Meditation and Mindfulness Training](https://psychcentral.com/blog/treating-social-anxiety-with-meditation-and-mindfulness-training) * [How to Overcome Social Anxiety](https://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Social-Anxiety) (wikihow) The highest rated videos on social anxiety: * [Self-help for social anxiety](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLb5NeGu8DZ_fTl1-UDNhbw0M3c84Ccqve) (10 videos) * [Social Anxiety Disorder vs Shyness - How to Fix It](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJuSm4R8N4E) * [3 Ways to Beat Social Anxiety!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8HoDPgZcak) (Kati Morton) The most popular books that will help you: * [The Solution to Social Anxiety: Break Free from the Shyness That Holds You Back](https://www.amazon.com/Solution-Social-Anxiety-Break-Shyness/dp/B00M4PXP9M) * [How to Be Yourself](https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Yourself-Critic-Anxiety/dp/1250122228) * [The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook: Proven, Step-by-Step Techniques for Overcoming Your Fear](https://www.amazon.com/Shyness-Social-Anxiety-Workbook-Step/dp/1626253404) * [The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens: CBT and ACT Skills to Help You Build Social Confidence](https://www.amazon.com/Shyness-Social-Anxiety-Workbook-Teens/dp/1608821870) Phone apps that will help you: * FearTools - Anxiety Aid * Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax If you currently consume a lot of caffeine (in coffee or soft drinks), stop that. [Caffeine is known to cause anxiety](https://bebrainfit.com/caffeine-anxiety/). Free support options: * r/KindVoice * https://www.7cups.com has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option * If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in) r/socialanxiety /r/anxiety also has [a good wiki](/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources).