A bit of context: Me (26F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been in a relationship for 2.5 years. It’s been long distance for the past 1.5 years due to my work. We visit each other for a long weekend every couple of months and talk on the phone everyday. He’s utterly adorable and I love him (he treats me with so much respect and love) and I want to marry him but there’s this guy friend who has recently become a problem.
I met this guy friend (let’s call him Ed) about a year ago. We met at a pub social and became friends mostly because we were both unvaccinated and couldn’t attend future events due to restrictions (my boyfriend is vaccinated, so did most of the travelling to visit me at that time). The thing is I kind of didn’t fully tell my boyfriend about Ed initially, always referring to him as a “friend” when talking to my boyfriend. I don’t know why, my boyfriend is not insecure at all (he didn’t question who this friend was) or judge that I have guy friends but it just felt awkward. He did learn about him a few weeks after when he came to visit and I held a board games night with some friends. My boyfriend seemed pretty chill even though Ed didn’t reply to him a few times.
Anyways, fast forward about 8 months, I hang out with Ed regularly now, maybe 3-4 days a week but mostly because he’s the one to always initiate plans and I’m a bit of a people pleaser, so end up accepting. We sometimes hang out one-on-one, watching movies at his place or going out for dinner but about 50% of the time in a group setting with Ed’s friends. My boyfriend has been cool with this, even encouraging me to hang out with him when I’m feeling down as he can’t fully comfort me in person, until this one incident last week.
My boyfriend was attending a very important work conference in another country and he had called me after the conference but I had just finished work and planned to meet Ed after. I told him my boyfriend I can’t talk today as I’m busy and he asked me to call him after my meeting with Ed. I said I don’t think I really have the time and my boyfriend got annoyed. He asked how come I don’t even have 15 mins (and asked if I’m going to be busy with Ed from 5PM until midnight) for a phone call about something very important in his life and that he needed support and doesn’t feel prioritised. He also brought up a couple of instances where I had postponed our online calls to hang out with Ed and that he was uncomfortable with it now as he feels he’s not being prioritised over Ed. I got really angry at him, threatening to tell his parents about it and called him controlling. My boyfriend basically told me we’ll talk later and I called him at midnight to check up on him. He seemed really sad about what I had said earlier and said that he wasn’t being controlling and never asked me to stop talking to anyone and was just pointing out that he was uncomfortable because he doesn’t feel prioritised and supported. I came back to my senses and apologised and said that I’ll cut contact with Ed, and that I didn’t even need to explicitly tell Ed as I’ll be moving closer to my boyfriend in a month’s time and the distance will sort it out.
For the next few days I ignore Ed’s texts but finally give in. He came home to just chat with me for a couple of hours (Ed was very insistent and I just couldn’t say no) before I met another mutual friend and went out.
I feel incredibly guilty about this meeting with Ed at my home, I have no feelings for him and nothing ever happened between us, although I told my boyfriend that Ed tells me sometimes about his “conquests” and relationships in depth, which my boyfriend thought was weird but he trusts me to know my boundaries, so was cool with this. He actually hasn’t brought up Ed after that incident and trusts me fully to sort it out but I feel incredibly guilty that I met Ed again. I’m not sure what to do. Do I tell my boyfriend, do I not? Do I wait for this to ask? Any advice would be appreciated 😊
TLDR - I hang out with a guy friend of mine regularly (one on one (movies or dinners) and group settings). LDR boyfriend was cool with it until an incident where I didn’t prioritise him. I decided to not talk to guy friend again but I met him again due to his insistence. Do I tell my boyfriend or not? Do I wait for my boyfriend to ask? I feel very guilty about this
By - Feeling_Watercress82