T O P

You can show this to an antivaxer or TrumpNut, but I suspect it has too many words.

You can show this to an antivaxer or TrumpNut, but I suspect it has too many words.

AffectionateGold56

I am from the science community. No one invited me to the party. Where's the money I was supposed to be paid 😭


Chucks_u_Farley

Obviously you are a crisis actor and are to be ignored with your sciencey witchcraft ways that ever so clearly benefit Bill Gates. ( do you actually need an /s? God I hope not)


kurometal

Where do you find crisis actors? I tried to hire some, but they were all dead from the virus. Please help a co-conspirator out, it will be greatly appreciated.


Chucks_u_Farley

Well now let's see, have you reached out to the Secondary Crisis United Membership or SCUM for short? E word


kurometal

No, only to the Primary Crisis Karens Society (PriCKS) so far. The Illuminati thank you.


Chucks_u_Farley

I thought they amalgamated with others to become Collaborative Union of Nextlevel Solutions (CUNTS) didn't they?


kurometal

Oh right, I'm still using their old email address.


EffortAcrobatic1322

Did you get your Obama phone?


AffectionateGold56

What the heck is that.


EffortAcrobatic1322

A Dog whistle used by Fox News about Obama giving free phones to people on welfare or some crap.


Mizango

It’s legit hood shit lol. You just gotta know. I got my niece and nephew one when they were old enough lol.


EffortAcrobatic1322

Yep, got the hookup from Bo.


Mizango

You a real one lol


GonnaGetBumpy

It was a real video about someone with weird expectations, I THOUGHT. Then America started sending out cell-phone-buying sized checks to most people on the regular last year and it hasn’t stopped and suddenly, I think those ladies were just ahead of their time.


Mizango

Lmfaooo I got mines


AN-I-MAL

Physician here, still waiting on those Big Pharma moneybags I was told I get.


Maximum_Tea_5934

Soros bucks for all!


Mizango

Me too! I’m literally a goddamn researcher! I need all my shill money and back pay.


Matasa89

But you won't, will you? When the time comes for you to actually sell your integrity as a researcher for money... I find few people are willing. After all, if your goal was to get rich no matter what, you wouldn't be in academia.


Mizango

Hell no, not ever. That was said tongue in cheek. Anybody that does that is a terrible human being and shouldn’t be in this field. Under no circumstances, ever, would I do that. You’re also spot on about academia. It’s about helping people and progress, definitely not the money. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.


KashmirChameleon

Same. I work for a place that literally makes the vaccine. We're eyeballs deep in microchips hoping people will get vaccinated so we can control their minds. I can't believe they figured it out already. Those guys are so smart.


Bearha1r

Shit, that explains the chip shortage in other industries. Are you storing them in wooden sheds heated by natural gas?


bob4apples

Hell yeah! I would happily take big bucks "shilling" the climate science that I actually studied instead of having to make ends meet as a computer programmer.


Maximum_Tea_5934

The logistics of most of these nutjob conspiracies kill it for me. Like, how many people do you think can really keep quiet on someone without some low grade conspirator deciding that the master plan should be on Facebook and Twitter? Or some alien-clean-up-crew decides that the world really needs a selfie with the alien body? Like, c'mon, we couldn't even stop some folks in the Armed Forces from giving secrets to the Russians in exchange for a little nookie. That's another thing, with America having so many enemies, why in the hell would all of these other world powers stay silent on these conspiracies? "Hey Comrade, that there moon landing was faked, we got this here satellite photo of Neil Armstrong coming out of the McDonald's 15 minutes after the shoot." Pure twaddlecock.


Jaded-Combination-20

This is my go-to conspiracy rule: How many people need to keep the secret? The more people who are in on it, the less likely it is to be true.


waitforitalex

Like the song goes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzNFwxsSPwU > Got a secret > Can you keep it? > Swear, this one you'll save > Better lock it in your pocket > Takin' this one to the grave > If I show you, then I know you > Won't tell what I said > **Cause two can keep a secret** > **If one of them is dead**


Sasquatch1729

Yep. My go to example is that the Director of the CIA couldn't even keep his mistress a secret, that one involved about three people and still got out. There's tons of conspiracies out there, they're just boring and sad. We know for sure that the fossil fuel industry regularly bribes government officials to block clean energy initiatives, for example. Or how the rich stash their money overseas to avoid paying taxes, then someone breaks the story and they get killed.


International-Ing

People would be tripping over themselves to blow the whistle on this in the western world. It would have come out before it ever happened if the west was part of some global plot to release covid. That they actually buy into this kind of thinking is just ridiculous.


International-Ing

A lot of their conspiracies are now that covid and covid vaccines are all a western plot instead of a global one. I think it goes hand in hand with orange man losing because of a western plot to steal the election from him, or something. A western plot is even more unlikely than if they used a ‘it’s a China plot’. I watched some insane conspiracy video my father-in-law buys into apparently to get my partner and mother-in-law some points to pushback (he is reluctantly vaccinated but won’t get a Pfizer booster despite needing it). Fauci released covid because he couldn’t get people to take flu shots, researchers patenting their work is some kind of conspiracy, it’s all a western plot, covid is not novel, both covid and the vaccine are bio weapons, Pfizer making a enteric coronavirus vaccine for dogs 20 years ago means that they’ve had covid-19 all along and a vaccine ready, etc etc. The conspiracy is all very western/American centric because their current object of hate is the ‘deep state’ and a western cabal. No conspiracy like that, whether it’s every country in the world or just western ones, would be a stable conspiracy. This is completely lost on them. After watching that video (he’s sent me others but I never watch them) it’s clear that there’s no getting through to people like that. What he needs is cult deprogramming or a severe breakthrough infection since his antibody levels are low. The worst part, though, is the man was a surgeon before he retired recently. He’s always been into right wing loony stuff though.


aduvnjak

I recall reading a statistic one time that was relating the number of people who can know a "secret" before the likelihood of it being revealed is effectively 100%. Edit: found the article. It relates number of people who know vs. Time it takes to leak. An example is ~2500 people will, on average, leak within 3 years.


Maximum_Tea_5934

Link?


aduvnjak

Article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.popsci.com/how-many-minions-can-you-have-before-your-conspiracy-fails/%3famp This article references the study


Maximum_Tea_5934

Thank you! That was a good read.


DonnerPartyKebab

> Like, how many people do you think can really keep quiet on someone without some low grade conspirator deciding that the master plan should be on Facebook and Twitter? If information about the master plan (or information that could jeopardize the master plan) was posted on Facebook and Twitter, it would be removed as "misinformation". The conspirator who posted it would then die. If the removal of the "misinformation" was not sufficiently successful, it can be diluted by corrupting the message by derailing any discussion of it with outlandish claims and drowning it out with the associated nonsense. What I'm describing are generic information warfare techniques, btw, not covid-specific. For example, if you tried to have a factual discussion about the international child sex trafficking organization that has had komprimat on many powerful public figures running the world for the past several decades, you'd find your dry and sober points surrounded by irrelevant wild speculation and arguments about cannibalistic satanic sex cults. > why in the hell would all of these other world powers stay silent on these conspiracies? "Hey Comrade, that there moon landing was faked The same reasons world powers do not engage in global thermonuclear war. They have their own skeletons they would like to stay buried. In any case, discussing whether the United States pre-recorded a fake moon landing to avoid the international embarrassment that would have occurred if Apollo-11 had technical difficulties is pretty small beans more than half a century later, but *still* the topic tends to be discussed and presented as though there was no real moon landing at all and often derails into lively discussions about the shape of the earth.


AffectionateGold56

You know there are 100s of countries besides the USA. Many of them are not on good terms with the US and would jump on the opportunity to be the whistle blower? And no, US is not that powerful that is can buy ALL the world leaders. Space exploration labs, researchers ( you know other agencies also exist besides NASA? ) I am not American and I find most of you laughable. What is wrong with your education system? Lolz.


DonnerPartyKebab

*Buy* them. How delightfully quaint. Do you remember when Libya was going to start pricing its oil in Gold Dinar rather than USD? If you need a hint, it was shortly before Gaddafi was murdered in the street. > You know there are 100s of countries besides the USA. And they're even less relevant than the USA. > Many of them are not on good terms with the US and would jump on the opportunity to be the whistle blower? And when the time comes for that, they'll jump when told to jump, yes, just as the US does. > And no, US is not that powerful that is can buy ALL the world leaders. I don't know why your inserting your perception of American Exceptionalism here. The US would be owned just like those "100s of countries besides the USA". > Space exploration labs, researchers ( you know other agencies also exist besides NASA? ) Yes. And how badly the American program was losing the "Space Race" to the Commies is why it would've been such an embarrassment for them to not be able to do what the Soviets had already done with Luna 9 (i.e., transmit data from the moon to the earth). Thus a motivation to pre-record a fake moon landing. > I am not American and I find most of you laughable. What is wrong with your education system? Lolz. I'm sure many Americans would be flattered with how hard you're obsessing over them.


kurometal

> Thus a motivation to pre-record a fake moon landing. So, wait. Americans were losing the "space race" to the Soviets. Both sides were monitoring each other's progress since the beginning, so even USSR announced that they had launched Sputnik, Americans listened to its transmissions and looked at it through the telescopes to make sure Soviets weren't lying. The Soviets weren't shy about calling out Americans' lies either, see the U2 shooting incident. And then USA pretended to send people to the moon and back, and USSR said nothing. Do I understand you correctly?


DonnerPartyKebab

> Do I understand you correctly? No.


kurometal

Thanks for the detailed explanation.


DonnerPartyKebab

And thank you for demonstrating exactly what I was talking about.


kurometal

Love your elaborate constructive criticism, mate.


fubarspeaks

I like the part where nobody, absolutely nobody in this entire truly gargantuan conspiracy is getting pissed off for some petty reason and totally ratting it out, even though we have constant information leaks, ransomware attacks and politicians backstabbing each other.


Btankersly66

Yup. Not a single fucktard is pissed they didn't get paid as much as Bob and is now blowing the fucking roof off the whole Gawd damn conspiracy. Not one.


NoExperience2074

And/ or Bob told his wife/ girlfriend about the whole thing and shows her proof. A few weeks later, he gets caught cheating and she leaks everything. ( This actually happened with some criminals and a bank). No one makes any mistakes at all. Nothing whatsoever goes wrong and all loose ends are tied up.


Btankersly66

An anti-vaxx coworker: Ever hear of Occam's Razor? Me: Yes Him: (5 minute long explanation of the pandemic and how 45 is going to come back and save us) Me: That's not how Occam's Razor works. Him: (many colorful words and expletives that define who I am as a person)


International-Ing

Every single time I’ve heard someone use Occam’s razor in support of their argument it’s a convoluted conspiracy theory! I have never heard it used correctly. If they know what Occam’s razor is then they have an idea about it - which means there is something fundamentally wrong in their logic and critical thinking skills.


ReddySetRoll

"It's a plandemic!" So, 1. Not one person in this whole conspiracy has blabbed anywhere. My husband's response to that sort of thing is "The president couldn't get a blow job without the world finding out." 2. No country's government has changed hands to the people who hadn't been in on it (like changing to the sort of conservative/freedom! party they like) who then went "We aren't going along with this" 3. A whole lot of governments who hate each other/have completely different political beliefs all agreed on this. 4. Their beloved orange saviour was the president of the US at the time this started. So, he was a part of it? He even pushed to get the vaccine created and he caught Covid and went to hospital for it. So, either he was a part of the whole conspiracy or he was tricked into thinking he had it. Oh, he's a crisis actor! Ooookay then.


five-horned-unicorn

No, no, uh…Trump, aka Orange Jesus, was the one who was going to end the conspiracy and blow the whistle ([just ignore the fact that he publicly praised China, the supposed ringleader of the conspiracy, multiple times during COVID)](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.politico.com/amp/news/2020/04/15/trump-china-coronavirus-188736) until the Demonrats decided to steal the election with mail-in ballots and fake ballots and fraud because they wanted to ensure that their child-trafficking COVID ring wasn’t interrupted. Now there’s absolutely no way that Trump, a billionaire with a huge public following who’s hosting rallies at least once a month, could possibly tell that truth anymore. He’s silent. America is dead. (/s)


Waldo_Pepper62

Telling them -- "You all are fucked in the head." Is much more concise.


PoliticalECMOChamber

Let that think in.


MC-ClapYoHandzz

Can I get an amen?


AllAboutThatBiz

Number one has more words. I'll go with that.


Btankersly66

It just looks longer so it must be true.


Jingurei

Funny thing is the anti-vaxxers are typically the sort of people you'd think would have trouble digesting too many words. So that would entail them going with the option that has fewer words but directly contravenes their anti-vax position.


kkumdori

Ha ha ha ha ha ha


Bagofgoldfish

Not to mention that countries would agree to trash their own tourism industries for shits and giggles. Countries that have huge tourism industries like Italy, Spain, New Zealand, the US and UK.


Jingurei

Countries that just went through some serious financial crises at that.


reptilianattorney

No no no, the leaders of *194* countries got together and concocted the "plandemic" to get rid of Trump because they just hated him so goshdarn much. They were willing to sicken and kill millions of people just to get rid of America's savior and *one, true* leader! God I can't keep this act up for more than a couple sentences...


steelhips

Government tyranny, loss of liberty and total control is coming any minute now but you can still drive to the next state, hop on a plane, use the internet, tell anybody about your fears on a street corner, consume any media you wish and purchase weaponry.


canuckcowgirl

Has anyone ever met a crisis actor?


Old_Bird4748

Well, since according to them Australia doesn't actually exist.... I suppose that would make me one. https://youtu.be/ykquKRbsFRs


asophisticatedbitch

They…. Think Australia doesn’t exist?!


Old_Bird4748

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/shortcuts/2018/apr/15/australia-doesnt-exist-and-other-bizarre-geographic-conspiracies-that-wont-go-away


asophisticatedbitch

Oh I remember that r/Finlandconspiracy and r/trueFinlandconspiracy thing!


talesofcrouchandegg

I don't think anyone actually believes this; the article below makes pretty clear it's a joke.


cf-ibid-opcit-etseq

Why, who is asking? *takes out notepad*


Darkside531

The fact that not even pointing out that the Pizzagate pizza-parlor had no basement for the alleged trafficking ring to operate out of didn't faze these people made it clear that nothing will ever get through to them.


M4A1STAKESAUCE

So countries are getting together to purposefully destroy their own citizenry and economy just so they can implement measures to control you? News flash they already do that it's called the pledge of allegiance and the American dream.


Haskap_2010

Too logical for some of those people. If logic were their strong point, we would not be in this mess.


Vast_East_4768

"... If logic were their strong point, this subreddit would not exist" -- There, fixed it for you. ;-)


KOBossy55

Dont forget under the "OR" part... "Donald Trump lied his ass off when he said it wasn't serious, it would just go away magically, 15 cases would soon become zero and the idea that Covid was designed with the specific intention of destabilizing the economy to oust Trump from power was a complete crock of shit some nutjob made up."


TerriFlamingo

Nice. And they still won't believe it.


JosiesYardCart

The Tinfoil Hat Wearing Club has no critical thinking skills.


promote-to-pawn

Wait I thought it was all a plan for the freemasons to gain unlimited power with the help of their vampire allies, the Rand corporation and the trilateral commission.


cf-ibid-opcit-etseq

Don't forget the chess club cartels...


promote-to-pawn

Sssshhh we tend to not mess with the chess club cartel, they have the power of en passant on their side.


Gilgamesh2062

the other argument these nuts have is, if someone is profiting, they must be behind it. by that logic, the fire dept starts all the fires, they put out, because it pays their salary.


Sidvicioushartha

Someone is always going to profit over other’s misfortunes. It’s funny they don’t have a problem with taxpayers spending billions on mercenary if we want to go to war with the country who didn’t even cause 911. But for some reason, this one’s out of bounds.


predictable_throw

What I love about these "big conspiracy" things is that it utterly and completely ignores how much of a gaggle of toddlers "free thinkers" are when put in a room together. The "sheeple" can at least agree on some direction and then judge the danger from over there were the wolf clearly isn't. Have you tried getting ten people with kids from different social circles to go out an eat? It's impossible. But sure, our "lazy incompetent stupid" governments will hire tens of thousands of crisis actors, staff hospitals and nobody ever lets one word out or slips up after pulling three double shifts.


Upbeat_Ruin

At this point I don't think it's even really about concerns over vaccine safety or government control. They're on a high of feeling superior to everyone else for knowing "the real truth" even if it's complete BS. They feel like they're in a cool elite club when they interact with other conspiracy nuts.


Educational_Area_688

This is why I don’t feel bad for these people or blame misinformation


BozoHC

Just remove the “or” part and send this to your conspiracy friends and that will agree 100%


HereForTheLaughter

I don’t think they’re capable at this point


ReddySetRoll

You can show this to an antivaxxer but you can't make them think.


NeoMegaRyuMKII

That first scenario is missing a handful of steps: - getting schools and tech companies on board (including school closures and ensuring that schools have enough materials to create the new normal, so to speak) - Getting the media itself on board, including pop media (such as content creators who commented on the situation) and of course the last and biggest one: and not a single person from within any of those meetings let anything accidentally slip, nor did any of them say "hey, maybe let's *not* do that."


smashteapot

Don't forget that every government involved agreed to tank their economy and cause widespread panic, leading to shortages and civil unrest. We all know each country had billions lying around to waste. They also planned to happily kill off a significant percentage of their own population for fun, so as to reduce their overall budget and strain their own public services. 'Cause every rich person would rather forage for food in the woods than buy it fresh from a supermarket.


[deleted]

I would send it to them but I cast them all away like Tom Hanks on a fedex jet.


Flower_Unable

They barely have the attention span for a Chevy commercial.


Awkward-Schedule-187

More lame streaming media propaganda!!! 😂


4quatloos

Following the logic of a conspiracy to rule the world, the good vaccinated sheep will be enslaved and the rebels would be destroyed. A real virus and a vaccination for the sheep is logical. The rest of them die of continued exposure to new strains. If they could see this timeline they should get vaccinated.


Sidvicioushartha

Oh my God I just saw your name, that’s awesome!


4quatloos

Nevermind the Bullocks here comes Sidvicioushartha.


dogGirl666

Does the saying :"Every accusation is a confession" apply here? Do they, in fact, fantasize about this (#1)? Supposedly studies have shown that conspiracy theorists tend to have Machiavellian mindsets. https://psmag.com/social-justice/belief-in-conspiracies-linked-to-machiavellian-mindset-30295 https://www.psypost.org/2020/06/machiavellian-and-psychopathic-personality-traits-linked-to-belief-in-conspiracy-theories-57103


bryanirl

I don't think many people (if any) hold those to be truths.


RollerToasterz

why would they engineer a virus with a supposedly 99.99996% survival rate and then use the vaccine for population control? wouldn't they just be killing the ones most compliant with the government?


SCCock

I'm on board with the former!


fuddykrueger

OR you die and we get to say I told you so.


SquareWet

You’ve convinced me. It’s the first part now. I was *trusting the science* but the way you put this argument together really makes it seem that millions of people are out to test my nerves. /s


benny-the-rennie

Tens of thousands of doctors, nurses, and public health experts ALL violate their hippocratic oaths and forge causes of death and participate in eugenics? Riiiiiight. And why choose politically-volatile China to "release a virus" and make it look naturally occurring? Would China not have released it in a Third World country to obscure the origins? One simple step and it would have been untraceable to China. Would a high-integrity country like New Zealand or Switzerland sign on to such a coverup? Extremely unlikely. How to tell when a conspiracy theory was concocted by inbred homeskooled pillheads.


Sidvicioushartha

IHP. Love it!


intolerablesayings23

too long